Recently I’ve been pondering the nature of crossdressing desires and have become convinced that a significant component of cross dressing is envy or coveting. I think crossdressing is sinful and harmful for many reasons, from its perversion, to the addictive destructive nature, to its objectification of women, to the possible connection to idolatry. But envy is one more powerful reason that I think crossdressing is sinful.
Coveting or envy is a really big deal to God. Envy or coveting is a problematic strong desire for something which we do not have but which others possess, whether their belongings, success, position, or advantages. As a sin, envy is so destructive, so important, that it made it into the Ten Commandments – God’s commandments which summarize God’s entire Law in the Bible. Exodus 20:17 gives us commandment #10 of the Ten Commandments.
17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
What are crossdressing desires if not envy? We want what females have, things that do not properly belong to us. We envy the beauty of females. We crave and desire that beauty. We want it for ourselves. We want to be as beautiful as the women we see or imagine. We envy the feeling of “being beautiful.” Is it any surprise that crossdressers are so vain? We spend hours in front of the mirror striving for perfection in our beauty and admiring ourselves.
We envy the feminine experience. We want to experience what it is like to be a woman or a girl. We want to experience how men treat women or how they treat beautiful women. We want to be treated chivalrously. We want to experience the freedom women have to give in to specific emotions or behaviors that our culture tends to not be so accepting of with men. We envy that women get to feel sexy, sensual, spontaneous, daring, free from responsibility, provocative, cute, free to giggle, be expressive, vulnerable, sensitive, flirtatious, or gentle. We improperly think that we shouldn’t show these feelings as much as men, so we envy women being able to have these feelings, and when we crossdress we then feel free to give in to these feelings. A blogging friend has done an excellent job of cataloging his feelings of this nature that he had when crossdressing. Some of the thoughts in this paragraph come from him. Check out Shards of Narsil’s very thought provoking post called - Underlying feelings – Wants & Needs.
We envy the feminine grace of the female body. We envy the curves, the breasts, the graceful walking, and the way women dance. We might even envy the way women hold utensils or the way they wear purses. We want to copy the feminine grace and have it for ourselves.
We envy specific articles of clothing, whether we see them online, or in a magazine, in a store, or in our wife’s closet. We envy those objects and covet them to such a degree that they consume our thoughts and hinder us from getting our work done. We covet them so much that we take foolish risks to obtain those articles of clothing even if it means a storekeeper finding out about our crossdressing, or a wife catching us in the act, or us losing our jobs by being found out.
We envy the soft or silky feel of the clothing. We envy the beautiful colors of the clothing. We envy the beauty of the feminine face with makeup. We envy the beauty of shiny painted nails. We envy the cool look of high heels. We envy what we perceive as the ability to dress in a sexy way. We envy the female clothing that we perceive as more comfortable.
In some cases we envy having a more beautiful wife or woman in our life, but instead of acting out in pornography or adultery, we act out by creating our own private woman through distorting the image of ourselves.
For those who struggle with transgender feelings, I think it is much the same. They envy the experience of being a woman, and envy the female body. They want to be a woman. They think it would be easier, or that it fits their personality or soul better. They envy the female body and want a female body for their own, even though God created them with a male body. They envy, in their perception, what it would mean to be and live as a woman. They envy some of the cultural stereotypes of women in our culture.
In short, to summarize all of this, we as crossdressers envy “the feminine,” anything and everything related to feminine beauty. We want what females have, things that do not properly belong to us. When we crossdress, it is almost like stealing because of our covetous desires. We wear things that aren’t fitting for the men we truly are. We wear clothing that is not intended for us. For some other good posts that touch on crossdressing and envy, read these two posts by my friend Ikthys – Closeness – and Perks.
I realize that the Bible stating that crossdressing is sinful is not enough for most crossdressers. That makes sense to me. If you are not a Christian, why care at all about what the Bible says? And even if you are a Christian, it’s hard to look at Deuteronomy 22:5 and obey it when there is no explanation of why crossdressing is sinful. But if we stop and think of reasons why it would be sinful, like that it is consumed with envy, then we have a stronger case to believe that crossdressing is sinful.
Unless you think envy and coveting are no big deal, this is yet another reason to stop crossdressing. It’s yet one more reason that I’m glad to have it out of my life. I’m pretty sure that it’s general knowledge and generally accepted by psychologists that people who live with envy and covetousness are not happy people. They are always wanting something more than what they have. I remember that during my time as a crossdresser, even if I would eventually be able to wear a certain article of clothing that I coveted, I immediately started coveting a new article of clothing. It was a never ending cycle.
And if we as cross-dressers are coveting being women, we will never be happy. We will never be able to obtain that which we covet. You will never truly be a woman even if you get a sex change. It is impossible for you to have the experience of normal biological real women. There is a good chance that you’d never be happy. But if we quit envying what we don’t have, and start enjoying who we are and what God has given us, then we can be happy.
Contentment is one of the secrets to happiness. I admit, I not only have envious crossdressing desires, but I envy women. I would rather be a woman if I got to choose. But if I dwell on that envy, and give in to it, I’d only be sinning and be unhappy. Like all sins, envy enslaves us. I don’t want to be in bondage to envy or any other sin. I have been learning to be content without crossdressing, and content being a man rather than a woman. This decision has made me the happiest I’ve been in my life, and the most free I’ve felt in my life.