Unconditioning

For most of us who crossdressed in the past, there was some conditioning going on.  We desired to crossdress, but the more we engaged in it, the more we desired it.  We got some sexual pleasure from crossdressing at first, but the more we crossdressed, the more pleasure we got.  We conditioned our bodies to be used to it.  We trained our bodies to respond to the stimuli in a certain way.   My friend, Ikthys, has a wonderfully helpful post about it that you can read – “here.”   He describes the conditioning process really well, so I won’t spend time on that, because you should read what he wrote.

What I’d like to talk about is trying to undo the conditioning in our attempt to fight against our crossdressing addictions or desires.  There are many ways one could tried to uncondition the feelings and pleasures that we have learned to associate and experience with crossdressing.  We could do so through punishments, through working on our thought processes, and I’m sure there are many other ways.  I’ll save talking about those for another day.

What I want to just briefly comment on is one idea of unconditioning that in my opinion is dangerous and counterproductive, or at least it would have been for me.  This is the idea of purposely still engaging in crossdressing but refusing to give in to masturbation.  The theory behind this would be to disassociate crossdressing from sexual pleasure and therefore diminish the desires to crossdress as a whole.  You can read my conversation with Ikthys about it from last year – “here.”   If you read that conversation, you can see that I was very much toying with that idea during that time, but wondering if it wasn’t such a good idea for me.  I’ve come a long way since then.

 

Anyway this type of unconditioning is an idea I actually have tried before in the past 6 years.  In fact, a good percentage of the times I failed in crossdressing in those years, were times when I said I was just going to crossdress as a way to prevent future crossdressing through unconditioning.  I would desire to crossdress, but knew it was wrong and unhealthy for me.  So I would either resist the temptation, which was good, or I would say, “well if I’m crossdressing as a way to help me lessen my crossdressing desires, then it is okay.”  So I would go ahead and crossdress, telling myself it was going to help me ultimately resist crossdressing.  When I did crossdress on those occassions, I was trying to do just normal everyday things and not give myself sexual pleasure.  I would maybe play computer games while crossdressed.  I was trying to get myself to just treat them as ordinary clothes and not get pleasure from them, and not let myself be attracted to my image in the mirror.  Well, let me tell you, you can still have sexual pleasure without masturbating, and I did every time.  In fact, because I was holding off on the masturbation, I ended up crossdressing for even longer periods and having even more pleasure.  And then I would get to a breaking point and masturbate by the end of the session anyway.

So what was supposed to a way to fight crossdressing (I was lying to myself in my head) turned into something that poured gasoline on my addiction.  It was extremely pleasurable.  So when I read last year about Ikthys doing this type of unconditioning, I was turned on just at the very idea, and was ready to do that idea again, but thankfully I resisted.  I’m not at all angry with Ikthys for sharing the idea.  It actually worked out well for him, though if you read our conversation he eventually decided it was better to just get rid of the clothing fully.  I just want to point out that if you are like me, then please refrain from trying this idea out!  If you are like me, it’s a super dangerous thing, just one more way to rationalize your crossdressing and feed your addiction.

I’d also like to add that even if you somehow disassociated your crossdressing from sexual pleasure, it could still just as easily remain or turn into an addiction not based on sexual pleasure, and that can still be just as sinful, abnormal, or at least as problematic as the sexual addiction.  There are plenty of men crossdressing out there that are addicted to crossdressing, even though it is not based on sexual pleasure and masturbation.  So I would hate to see some of you try this idea and trade one addiction for another even if the unconditioning worked.

As I’ve written about before, the important thing is resisting the temptations, not getting rid of the temptations.  Hopefully both will happen for you if you want them too.  Sure, it’s good to work on ways to lessen the temptations, and work on ways to uncondition ourselves to crossdressing, but overall the most important thing is to resist the temptations.  So I would highly suggest quitting crossdressing cold-turkey, completely.  I think that, for most people, it is unwise to give in temporarily in order to not give in in the future.

I have not completely gotten rid of my crossdressing desires, even though I haven’t been giving in.  But I am so thankful I didn’t try that type of unconditioning.  I’m quite certain I wouldn’t be at the good point I am today if I had tried that idea.  But I want to encourage you as well.  I haven’t tried much in the way of unconditioning of any type in the past year, but just the simple act of not giving in to temptation for so long has drastically dramatically reduced my desire for crossdressing.  So basically the point of this post is just to say, be careful what methods you use to get rid of your crossdressing.  This type of unconditioning may not be the best choice for you.

2 comments on “Unconditioning

  1. ikthys says:

    True and wise on all accounts. It is completely possible to have this desire simply slip away by diffusion, dismantling, and altogether disuse without ever needing to resort to the extreme “dragon chasing” of wearing in order not to wear… Even the statement smacks of contradiction. Again, I can’t deny that some level of unconditioning occured, but this was 1. not without loss in other areas (terrorizing my wife emotionally, extreme risk of discovery by others, a sense of spiritual decline, complications and deepening of other thoughts that needed undoing later, not to mention sheer waste of time/money, etc…), 2. not continued- it did not run its course because of all the issues in number one AND the very real felt possibility that any more would have put me over the edge as I seemed to be getting weaker in my resistance even as my actual physical arrousal was declining… it’s like you say about the delayed gratification affect- it only deepens the sense of eventual reward and had I gone on it could have sunk both me and my marriage for a long time, and 3. I think only functioned at all because I was under sever fear of what my wife would do if I gave in and failed and I was deeply deeply committed to never hiding or lying about such a failure. The more private and in the dark it is the more this is lost, making it more dangerous. The situation actually ended by it becoming visible to my wife- at which point it became clearly untenable. In fact, the story is an interesting one of those “coincidences” where she left somewhere, but then “felt” like she should suddenly turn around and come home, not knowing that I even had stuff available or was doing anything at that time… I think a God appointment to quickly end the foolish endeavor I had tricked myself into justifying. You were a better and stronger man than I. Good on yah :) And let me add that, if I could go back, I would NOT even try it.

  2. thorin25 says:

    Ikthys thank you for the comment. I only disagree with one thing. That is that I am not a stronger man than you :)
    If you read closer you’ll see that I did try this very method plenty of times in the past. The only time I resisted this method of unconditioning was last Fall when we were talking.
    You don’t give yourself enough credit. You have no idea how much you helped me. You were one of the few that gave me hope and courage through your blog that it is indeed possible to stop crossdressing completely. And you were right!

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