Disturbing Quote

I came across this quote from another blog.  I found it quite interesting, so I read the whole original article.

Amy Bloom, in her article from 2002, Conservative Men in Conservative Dresses, wrote :

“The greatest difficulty people have with cross-dressers, I think, is that cross-dressers wear their fetish, and the gleam in their eyes, however muted by time or habit, the unmistakable presence of a lust being satisfied or a desire being fulfilled in that moment, in your presence, even by your presence, is unnerving.  The combination of the cross-dressers’ own arousal and anxiety and our responsive anxiety and discomfort is more than most of us can bear. We may not mind foot fetishists, but we may not wish to watch them either. ”

From my experience, and from talking to others, this quote speaks the truth.  People are disturbed by our behavior and we need to understand that and accept it.  And of course I would add, they should be disturbed by our behavior.  Come on men, let’s stop giving in to this messed up behavior.

Also interesting was how the author detected that the men who are crossdressing are men with very firm gender stereotypes about women, stereotypes that I find too traditional, too focused on superficial appearances, and disturbing.  Understand this!  Part of my healing from crossdressing has also been a healing in my marriage, not viewing women and my wife in such a stereotypical way, no longer gently pressuring her to wear high heels and makeup, not being bothered that she is a very strong person, emotionally and physically.

Helpful Bible Verses 13

In my struggle with crossdressing over my whole life, many Bible verses have been helpful to me.  I’ve studied them, memorized some of them, and often read them after failures.  In addition to the ones I’ve already written about, I’ll periodically mention and comment on some of them and how they relate to my crossdressing struggle.  For those of you who are still struggling, it would surely help you to write some of these down and read them daily, or in times of temptation, or after a failure when you need to be built back up by God’s Word.

1 John 2:15-17

15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life — is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

It’s easy to think that crossdressing obsession is harmless, especially when you compare male crossdressers to real women.  “They can wear a dress, why not I?”  But it is not just that crossdressing is sinful, going against God’s design for men and women.  It also easily becomes infatuation with the desires of the flesh, and the love of the world.  Being overly infatuated with clothes and appearance and makeup is not only a problem for male to female crossdressers, but also for some women and some men.  If any of us are too focused on the things of this world, too infatuated with fashion and appearance, too obsessed with clothing, then this is sinful love of the world.

It is not that these things are bad in essence.  Clothing is okay.  God even gave clothing to Adam and Eve after they sinned.   It is not that the clothing is bad, but I think John here means an inordinate love of the things in the world.  It’s one thing to appreciate things in the world that God has made.  It’s quite another thing to have an inordinate love of them.  A normal healthy person, with a healthy view of things in the world that God has made, I believe they would put on their pants and shirt and acknowledge that they look nice, and then move on to live their life and begin their day.  They might go shopping once in a while and enjoy picking out some new clothes to wear.  But when I look at how I was when crossdressing, this did not describe me at all.  I was obsessed.  I could look at fashion magazines for hours.  I could try on new outfits of female clothing for hours nonstop, every possible combination of clothing you can think of.  And when I was not crossdressing, I felt deprived, and stopped caring about anything else I was doing, just rushing through all else in life waiting for that opportunity to dress again.  And if I had been ready to out myself, I would have spent all of my money and extra time shopping for new clothes that I did not need.  This is excessive love for things in the world.

I know John probably did not have crossdressing in mind when he wrote this.  But it always hits my heart relating to crossdressing when I read it.  Back when I was crossdressing, I was not focused on God’s kingdom and the things of Heaven.  I was not focused on praising God and having him using me for his work.  I was focused on the things of this world.  I had taken something that was meant to be a good gift from God – that is, female clothing that adds beauty to this world and adorns real women.  I took that good gift and focused on it to the exclusion of God, my family, my work, and everything else.  I focused on it so much that I perverted it and diverted it from its true purpose and uglified myself through it.

I think we tend to do this with many of the gifts that God has given us.  We take alcohol, a good gift, and pervert it into harmful addiction.  We take work, meant as a gift from God, and use it only to make money or make ourselves feel powerful.  We take family, meant as a gift from God, and we idolize it and put all of our hopes on our family rather than God until we have suffocated our family members by putting them in the place of God.  We take many of God’s good gifts in the world, and because we love them more than we ought to, we pervert them, hurt our relationship with God, and ourselves.

How Sexual Addictions Destroy Our Lives

This is a great video.  A good thing to watch each time you feel tempted.  It’s about pornography, but I think it could easily apply to any kind of sexual addiction, whether masturbation, crossdressing with masturbation, arousal from crossdressing fiction or photos, or something else.

In the time of my crossdressing addiction, this video described my behavior very well, though thankfully I did not go to the extent of the person she describes who destroyed his life in every way.  But I could see myself going in that direction in years to come if I had not gotten help to stop my addiction.  As I’ve described in my post on crossdressing fiction, I kept looking for more and more until I was reading about other sexual perversities besides crossdressing.  And in crossdressing, there is an escalation as well, going from simple crossdressing, to elaborate crossdressing, to crossdressing in public, to being with men while crossdressed, etc.

Men let us wake up and get help if we need it!  These addictions are not a joke!  Put these addictions to death.

Crossdressing and female sexual objectification

I have looked at a lot (thousands and thousands) crossdressing photos on the internet over my life (and I deeply regret it).  One thing I have noticed from pictures of active crossdressers as well as pictures of one-time crossdressers, is the number of sexual poses.  Even the boys that crossdress one time on a dare or for Halloween, the first thing they do is to go to sexual poses.  They twist their hips, or thrust out their fake boobs, and make kissy faces.  They walk like female supermodels.  Clearly, their view of women is that they are sexual objects, so if they are pretending to be one, that’s where their mind immediately goes.

And the vast majority of crossdressers’ photos are sexual poses.  Even if you don’t count the plethora of crossdressers who have all of their photos only of them in female underwear or lingerie (not the type of photos I used to look at), even the crossdressers who are fully clothed have photos of mostly sexual poses.  Why don’t they try to pose and look like the real women that they see all around them every day?  Why the overly sexual poses?  What does this tell us?  I’m not sure.  What do you think?

Perhaps it shows us how readily all men objectify women and their bodies.  This objectification comes out for most men in the form of pornography.  But then for crossdressers, maybe it comes out in our crossdressing.  Instead of lusting after the objectified woman’s body in a photo, we can make a real life 3-D version of a woman’s body, one that we can move and make do whatever we want, and make wear whatever we want.  We then masturbate to the image of ourselves.

I think crossdressers are naive if they think their addiction is somehow more honorable than pornography.  I think crossdressing is just a stronger, more addictive, more pleasurable form of pornography.  It still objectifies women.  At least with pornography there is another living breathing person, a real female involved, even if only there in a photo.  With crossdressing it is entirely focused on self.  Women have been reduced to a sexual object so very far, that a real woman is not even needed in the process at all.

In fact, a woman is objectified so much that the sexual objects of a woman are all that is needed.  A whole counterfeit woman is not needed.  One object alone (nail polish, lipstick, or high heels) can be enough to bring the crossdresser to ejaculation.

This is my hypothesis.  I guess if you don’t crossdress for sexual pleasure, then maybe you do not share this type of sexual objectification in your crossdressing.  But I think even for those crossdressers, it would be good for them to analyze this topic to see how much it affects what they do as well.

Helpful Bible Verses 11

In my struggle with crossdressing over my whole life, many Bible verses have been helpful to me.  I’ve studied them, memorized some of them, and often read them after failures.  In addition to the ones I’ve already written about, I’ll periodically mention and comment on some of them and how they relate to my crossdressing struggle.  For those of you who are still struggling, it would surely help you to write some of these down and read them daily, or in times of temptation, or after a failure when you need to be built back up by God’s Word.

James 1:13-15
13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Someone once commented on my blog that they are sick of me talking about resisting sinful desires and temptations.  Well I talk in that language because the Bible does, such as in this passage.

It is easy to get frustrated with our crossdressing desires and temptations. Often, we are quick to blame God for them. “God why did you give me such corrupted desires?” “Why are they so strong in me?” “Why did you create me like this?” “If you did not want me to crossdress, you should not have made me this way.”

We have to be careful not to blame God for our own sins. It is true he allowed us to be born as fallen sinful human beings. But this all goes back to God allowing humanity, starting with Adam and Eve, to have freewill. They and us, all of us have freewill and have freely chosen to sin.  God did not create our sinful desires.  They are a part of our fallen-ness.  They are the result of humanity choosing sin over God by our own freewill.  We may not have individually consciously chosen to have these crossdressing desires, but they are a result of the choice of humanity for sin.  They are one of the plethora of manifestations of us daily choosing sin over God.  It is not God’s fault.  God does not delight in tempting us to sin.  We can lament that we have these desires.  We can be frustrated.  But in the end we don’t blame God, we instead ask for help from God to overcome the temptations and ask for forgiveness when we fail.  We also can’t just blame the Devil.  Certainly at times demons attack us and try to lead us into sin.  But mostly it is our own evil desires that lead us astray.  So let us take responsibility for our own actions instead of always looking to blame God or demons.

I think the death talked about in this passage is referring to multiple forms of death.  We can’t live the abundant life that God intends for us when we are sinning.  So we don’t experience full life when sinning.  In addition to this, when we give in to sin, it often just produces more sin, and can lead to physical death, not only because death is the ultimate punishment for sin for all humanity, but even specific deaths result from specific sins.  And finally, most importantly, full grown sin in a person would show that that person belongs to sin and not to Christ, and that person experiences eternal death in Hell.
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James 1:21-26

21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

There is so much good stuff in this passage.  Firstly in verse 21 we have a strong command to get rid of the rubbish and evil in our lives.  I would certainly include pornography, crossdressing, addiction to masturbation, and crossdressing fantasies as part of the rubbish and evil to get rid of.

The next part of this passage is such an important lesson.  What if we read the Bible but refuse to do what it says?  Then we are fools, as stupid as people who forget what they look like right after looking in the mirror.  Let us not deceive ourselves.  If we read the Bible but aren’t doing what it says, we are only pretending to listen to God and his Word.  Don’t read God’s Word unless you are going to submit to it and be transformed by Him.

The last part of this passage speaks powerfully against the thoughts of our modern culture.  It says that God’s laws give freedom.  God’s law is perfect.  Our culture says that freedom is found in getting rid of rules and tradition and regulations.  True freedom means only love and no commands.  But this is not what the Bible says, and I’ve repeated this same thing on this blog with countless other passages of Scripture.  True freedom is found in following God’s commands!  True freedom doesn’t mean no rules!  True freedom means living the abundant life that God intended by following his commands!  We show our love for God by listening to him and being obedient.  You want to live a blessed life?  Then follow what God commands.

This passage is yet more evidence that Jesus did not do away with the Old Testament Law.  He fulfilled it.  The book of James here makes clear that we should still follow the law for our freedom.  But of course, we only literally obey the moral laws of the Old Testament.  The other laws Jesus fulfilled in a different way.  See here for more on the Old Testament Law, under the literary genre section.  So we as Christians still obey moral laws, like Deuteronomy 22:5.  Obeying laws like this brings freedom and joy!

 

James 2:17-20

17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
20 You foolish man, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless?

A lot of people today say they are Christians.  They say that they have a relationship with Jesus and love him.  But do they really?  Many of these people are the same people who blatantly break most of God’s commands regularly in their daily life, and not only do they not try to stop breaking these commands, they have no guilt about their actions.  I’ve talked to many crossdressers like this.  Some crossdressers who claim to be Christians even admit that the Bible says crossdressing is a sin, but they continue to give in to the action.  I’m not sure why.  How can they rationalize this?

What I do know is that true faith is accompanied by action as this passage says.  True faith has the fruit of holy actions and deeds.  True faith is accompanied by a person living out God’s commands.  At the very least true faith is accompanied by guilt and repentance and attempt to change when a Christian sins.  But if that is not there, I’m not sure the person has true faith.  They may think they have a relationship with God, but really not have a relationship at all.  Or they may have true beliefs about God, but not really be in relationship with him as a changed person.  Even the demons believe the truth about God.  They know the truth maybe even better than us.  But they do not have a right relationship with God and are not producing fruitful works in their lives.

I encourage anyone reading this to stop and evaluate your lives and your relationship with God.  Heed James’ warning.  Do you have true faith or empty faith?  A real relationship with God or false pretense?  Stop being a fool.   Come to Jesus, let him transform you.  Live a life with Jesus full of love and freedom and obedience to his commands.
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James 4:7-10

7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

This is such a comforting passage.  Again in verse 7 we get a counter-cultural command.  Submission is what helps us, not independent pride.  If we submit to God, we will find freedom and comfort.   And we also find the comfort that we have the power to resist Satan.  Jesus has given us authority and power over demons.  We have the living God present within us.  We have to be aware of Satan and his schemes, but we do not need to be afraid of him.  He has no power over us unless we give ourselves to him and sin.  If we resist him, he has to flee!  That is amazing!

The next part of this passage is about repentance, something I’ve alluded to in the passages above.  If you want to know what repentance means, these verses are for you.  If we’ve sinned, we don’t hide from God, we run to him!  We go near to him as verse 8 says.  If we run to him, he runs to us.  Often when we fail in sin, such as in crossdressing, we try to run from God, or hide from him, or we feel too full of shame to even pray.  But there is NOTHING we can do other than running to God.  And with him there is grace.

We see that true repentance is not easy.  This passage makes that clear.  It means changing our actions, it means asking God to purify our hearts, it means a transformation of our mind.  It means we weep over our sins.  We grieve and mourn.  It is not a small thing to repent of sin.  It is serious!  We should take it seriously.  When someone comes to you and confesses a sin and they are feeling bad about it, don’t just say, “no it’s okay, don’t be sad, God forgives you.”  Yes God forgives them through Christ but don’t try to wash away their true repentance.  It’s okay for them to feel sad about their sin!  That is part of true repentance.  Let them hurt for a bit, so that they don’t desire to give in to that sin once again.

But again we have comfort at the end of the passage, in verse 10.  If we truly repent of our sins in this serious way, and humble ourselves before God, He will lift us up again.  Repentance takes us down, facing the seriousness of our sin and weeping about it.  But repentance also brings us before the Lord, and reminds us of what Jesus did for us on the cross.  God then takes our humble repentance, and reminds us of our sins being washed away in Jesus.  He lifts us up and restores to us the joy of our salvation.  He cleanses our hearts and minds and helps us to live for him once again in abundant life.

So my friends, if you are struggling in sin, run to God!  Confess your sin and weep over it!  Truly repent!  But then be assured of your forgiveness in Jesus.  And live once again in joy!

Crossdressing and The Lord of the Rings

In this post I want to analyze the similarities between my struggle with crossdressing and the power of the one ring in The Lord of the Rings books.  I am not writing this as a logical argument against crossdressing.  I’m just writing out of my own experience of what my crossdressing addiction was like for me in the past.  If this post does not resonate with your experience, so be it.  But what I describe is how I felt and how I perceive crossdressing, and I know from many conversations with other crossdressers, that they often feel this way as well.  If you have not read the Lord of the Rings books, this post probably won’t make much sense to you.  I did not feel like trying to summarize such an awesome and epic story, so I’m just writing for people familiar with the story.

Disclaimer – I am drawing an analogy between crossdressing and the one ring, but I am not perfectly equating them.  All analogies break down somewhere.  Obviously crossdressing is not the epitome of evil as the one ring is in the story.

 

I believe that Sauron’s one ring of power is a good symbol or analogy for any habitual sin of compulsion that we deal with, whether that be drugs, pornography, alcohol, or crossdressing.  Choosing to take hold of and bear the one ring seemed good, but it was really the way to destruction.  Similarly our sins might seem pleasurable but they lead to destruction not only in our lives, but also in our relationship with God as they are sins.

Some of the similarities between the one ring and crossdressing are obvious.  As the one ring weighed Frodo down, so these compulsive sinful addictions weigh us down.  They confuse us and corrupt us as the one ring did to Gollum and Frodo.  The one ring was very hard to resist, as these sins also are in our lives.  Over time the addictions get worse and worse, the more that we give in.  In the same way the hold the one ring had on Gollum and Bilbo and Frodo increased over time.  Their addiction to the ring became worse and worse so that it was harder and harder for them to be apart from it.  They wanted it more and more as we want our compulsive sins more and more.  Giving in to the temptation of putting on the one ring, only made the bearer want to wear it even longer and more often.  Giving in to our sins doesn’t take away the temptations but makes us only want them all the more often.   And the longer the bearers had the one ring, the more precious it became to them, so much so that they called it “their precious.”  I think the same thing happens with crossdressing, and the crossdresser’s image or alter-ego or clothing become precious to him.  The bearers of the one ring became very angry when they did not have possession of it.  How many of us crossdressers have become angry and irritated when we aren’t able to give in to our addiction?  The bearers of the one ring became very isolated socially.  I think this also often happens with crossdressers.

Just analyzing those similarities shows me what crossdressing was really like in my life and gives me the desire to destroy it once and for all as the fellowship needed to get rid of and destroy the one ring.  When you wake up and realize that crossdressing has a hold on you similar to how the ring had a hold on gollum, you stop wanting to give in to it so much.

 

Here are a few lessons I found by comparing crossdressing and the Lord of the Rings story -

1. Everyone is tempted by the ring in the story, but not all of them give in.  Some resist the temptation and so they remain uncorrupted, and actually gain strength in a small way over Sauron by resisting his temptation.  This is a good reminder to me that we do not have to feel guilty and weighed down just because we have crossdressing desires.  Temptations are not sins.  Giving in to temptation is sin.  Gandalf and Galadriel wanted the ring but did not give in and were not corrupted.  If we do not give in to the crossdressing temptations, we will not become corrupted either, and we don’t need to feel guilty.

2.  The one ring deceives the characters in the story, much as crossdressing deceives us.  The bearers of the ring feel good and powerful while wearing it.  But when others see them, they see the corruption and confusion and possessiveness.  Sometimes the corruption actually frightens those who look at the bearers.  The ringwraiths are the prime example of this ultimate corruption, but even the flashes of anger in Bilbo and Frodo frighten Sam.  Much of the time Bilbo and Frodo were deceived and didn’t realize how much the ring was really changing them.  Crossdressing is often the same way.  It feels so good to us.  But it is deception.  We see a woman, and other people see a very confused man.  People try to get us to stop, but we don’t listen.  We create our own reality.  When I was crossdressing, I was stuck in a self-delusion about what I was doing, and the activity itself was causing me to have many secrets and lies and attempts to hide things from my family and later wife.

The ring also deceived people in that so many of the characters imagined using the ring for good.  Frodo thought of using the ring to rescue his fellow hobbits from the Barrow wights.  Boromir wanted to use the ring to save his people.  With all the characters, the ring whispered deceitful messages about how they could use it for good.  But in reality, the evil that they would do would far outweigh the good.  I am the king of rationalization.  In the past I rationalized so many times why crossdressing was either harmless or actually good for me.  But that doesn’t undo the sinful nature and destructive power of it.  I was deceived.

3.  The one ring and crossdressing about both about envy.  The lure of the one ring was about wanting power that people didn’t have and didn’t deserve.  It was a shortcut to becoming powerful and famous.  Crossdressing is about envying what women have and what women are.

4.  Gollum reminds me of crossdressers who have gone all the way, and been totally corrupted by their desires, destroying their lives, bodies, and marriages.   From my perspective they are people who have become utterly lost in their delusions and confusions. But like Frodo learned from Gandalf, these people deserve our pity, not our anger.  Many characters in the books wanted to kill Gollum because of how corrupted he had become, but Gandalf seemed to hold out hope for even him to change. At the very least Gandalf and Frodo had pity on Gollum because they knew the power of the ring and that it was the ring who messed him up.   Frodo understood this best because of his own experience with the ring and it gave him great compassion and pity for Gollum, knowing that what happened to Gollum was happening to him.   I am trying to have this same pity and compassion on crossdressers, knowing that but for God’s grace, I could have been just like them.

5.  The one ring might have had special powers, but it was a wearisome burden.  This was what crossdressing was like for me.  It was like a rock in my life that depressed me and gave me shame and put a cloud over everything.  When I finally gave up crossdressing it was like I shed 100 pounds.  I felt light and free and on top of the world.  And today I still enjoy this same freedom and joy at having this burden out of my life.

6.  The bearers of the one ring started to put all their thought to the ring.  It became an idol in their lives consuming all their time and energy.  This was definitely the case for me with crossdressing.  Giving in to the sin consumed all the time I could possibly give to it.  The remainder of my time was spent planning how I would dress, and how I could have the most time to give to the activity.  It was definitely an idol in my life.  The one ring finally became the only reason Gollum continued to exist.  It controlled his every action and decision.  I’m not sure crossdressing would ever get us quite to that point, but surely it was heading in that direction in my life.  The bearers of the ring thought they couldn’t live without it, and how many of us crossdressers have felt like we can’t live without crossdressing?  Or felt at least we couldn’t live happy lives without crossdressing?

7.  The desire for the ring didn’t always make sense to the characters in the story, just as our crossdressing desires don’t always make sense to us.  Frodo at times wanted to put on the ring and he didn’t even know why.  A voice in his head told him he shouldn’t, but at times he still wanted to resist his conscience, give in, and put on the ring.  How many times did I just feel drawn to put on a skirt or dress, like a magical or magnetic pull?  How many times did I want to put those things on and I didn’t even know why.  I couldn’t put any logical thought to it at times, I just knew I “needed” to do it.

A quote from the books about Frodo’s desire to put on the ring – “Something seemed to be compelling him to disregard all warnings, and he longed to yield.  Not with the hope of escape, or doing anything, either good or bad: he simply felt that he must take the Ring and put it on his finger.”

8.  Because of the one ring’s influence, Gollum becomes a divided being, speaking to himself as if he was two people.  Gollum was with the ring so long that he came to identify himself with it, so much so that he called both the ring, “my precious,” and also himself.  This is eerily similar to crossdressers believing that they have both a male and a female persona.  A man can crossdress so much that he identifies his very self with the fake female persona he has created.  Thankfully my crossdressing never reached that level.

 

At the end of the story, Sam and Frodo trudge up Mount Doom at the end of their strength.  But then Frodo is unable to reject the temptation of the ring, and he decides to keep the ring and not destroy it.  Thankfully, God, the hidden character, in his providence, still has a good plan to save everyone.  And what happened was that Gollum bit the ring off of Frodo’s finger, fell in the lava and was destroyed with the ring.  Finally Frodo was free and the world was saved.   From the end of the story, I want to draw out a few more similarities or lessons.

1. The solution of the problem of the ring was not power, but weakness.  Relying on power was only folly.  Powerful characters would succumb to use the ring instead of getting rid of it.  It was only small hobbits that could accomplish the task.  But even at the end, Frodo could not do it on his own.  It is not our own strength that beats temptation.  It is only God and the transformation of our heart.  Thankfully, Gollum’s presence made up for Frodo’s failure at the end.  But the lesson I think still stands.  We cannot expect to beat temptation on our own.  Frodo couldn’t and his matter was far more important.  By our own strength we fail.  We need God’s strength.  We need to recognize that we are weak, and rely on him.  We need God to empower us and transform our hearts.

1 Corinthians 1 – 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.  26 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

2 Corinthians 12 – But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2.  We need accountability.  We need community.  The ring would never have been destroyed if Frodo tried to do it on his own.  It took a whole fellowship.  The need for help stands out most at the end.  There were many times that Frodo was about to give up, stop moving, and just die, but Sam kept him moving.  Sam kept Frodo from giving in to the lies of the ring.  Sam kept feeding Frodo and giving him energy.  Sam kept on reminding Frodo of the goal and the importance of reaching the goal.  At times Sam even physically carried Frodo up the mountain!   And last, Sam gave Frodo hope.  He kept up the hope that they could make it, that things could be okay.  Without hope, Frodo could not have kept going.  Without Sam, without the fellowship, Frodo would have never made it.

If we try to give up crossdressing on our own, I would venture to say that we will not make it either.  We need to have friends who will give us hope that we can indeed actually give up crossdressing for good.  We need friends who will keep us moving.  We need accountability partners who will help us sort out the lies from the truth.  We need partners who will give us encouragement, remind us of God’s forgiveness, and even carry us at times when we feel so weak.  We need friends who will remind us of our goals.  We need to fight this addiction together, not by ourselves.  We need friends who will give us hope.

3.  When Frodo was finally free of the ring, he felt free and unburdened.  But we find later in the story that he still had some lingering pain from his wounds.  He eventually was able to go to the undying lands because life for him was still hard even after the ring was gone.  There are some comparisons and contrasts here with my own life.  Firstly, I have some residual wounds.  The addiction is gone, but sometimes I still have to pay for the consequences of what I have done in the past – the lies, the bad memories, and the wasted time.  Secondly, there are still lingering desires that come up every once in a while, especially in dreams.  They are reminders of the addiction and reminders that I need to be vigilant.  I’d love to be 100% free from these desires, but I will have to be content with being 90-95% free of them.

But unlike Frodo, I do not have wounds that make me unhappy and needing to escape this world.  Not at all.  I am able to live an abundant joyful worthwhile fulfilling life now that the crossdressing is gone.   I hope for the same for you too!

4.  We can’t force someone to give up crossdressing just as no one could make another character give up the ring.  A quote of Gandalf speaking to Frodo – “Already you too, Frodo cannot easily let it go, nor will to damage it.  And I could not ‘make’ you – except by force, which would break your mind.”   We need to let people have the freedom to continue to crossdress.  We can’t force anyone, only counsel them.  It’s ultimately between them and God.

 

 

On a last note, let me mention something from The Silmarillion, another book by the same author.  In The Silmarillion we see an account of the creation of Middle Earth.  Even though it is fiction is a beautiful account of creation, and it makes me praise God for the way he has made our world.  God brings creation into existence through a song, and his angels take part in making the music, thus taking part in making the creation.  While harmonious music is the author Tolkien’s analogy to creation, discord in the music is his analogy for the Fall into sin.  Melkor, an angelic spirit, wants to create his own music theme and creates something that is not harmonious with God’s music.  But God, being all powerful and awesome, is able to take Melkor’s discord, and weave it into his music so that the final result is even more beautiful than it was to begin with.  Thus God takes even our mistakes and our suffering and weaves it into his plan so that the result is even more beautiful than before.

In this view, Tolkien’s view of sin is that it is always just a perversion of the good, not something created anew.  I think that this has ramifications for crossdressing as well.  Let me give a quote from “the Gospel according to Tolkien” and then I will explain.

“Tolkien demonstrates, exactly to the contrary, that sin is always a twisting and distortion and perversion of the Good.  “Marring” is his favorite metaphor for the work of evil.  It cannot destroy or undo goodness, but it can certainly tarnish and blight it.  Since evil lives always as a parasite off the Good, the demonic Melkor was unable to produce any original or free creatures.  He could manufacture only parodies and counterfeits.  In addition to the carnivorous trolls that he bred in scorn for Ents, he has made the hideous orcs in mockery of elves.  ‘The Shadow that bred (the orcs) can only mock,’ Frodo observes deep within the interior of Mordor, ‘it cannot make: not real new things of its own.  I don’t think it gave life to the orcs, it only ruined them and twisted them.”

This quote makes me think of crossdressing.  God created male and female, and they were and are beautiful.  Humanity in its two forms was the crown of creation.  But we as crossdressers, what we do is mock the good creation.  We mock the female form that God has made.  We try to produce our own counterfeit females.  We pervert that which was good.  We pervert ourselves, males made in the image of God, and mock females made in the image of God.  We end up with a mixed form which is a perversion and fits neither beautiful form that God had made.  I want to uphold the beauty of God’s creation.  I’m tired of marring it.  Instead of trying to compete with God’s song, let us sing harmoniously with God’s melody.

Guest Post – Don’s Testimony (anti-androgen medication)

By Don

For most of my life I dreamed of being a girl.  It started when I was 5 years old when my mother threatened me several times to put a dress on me when I was bothering my sister.

The thought of that gave me a funny feeling and the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea.  Eventually I tried on my sister’s skirt and from that point on I was hooked.  I felt unloved by my parents and sisters and unappreciated by boys at school and in my neighborhood.  This was the first good feeling I had ever had at that age.  I could write a whole book on the ‘WHY” of me wanting to be a girl, with all the circumstances and the corresponding trauma, but suffice it to say, I had in my mind decided that I would be better off and be able to survive as a person better as a girl.

I followed the same course that many crossdressers do and continued to dress in secret while I lived with my parents.  I was very immature socially, and was afraid to do anything about my wanting to be a girl, and had my first date going to my senior prom.  I dated that same girl for 3 years and then married her.  During that time, the good feelings of someone loving me kept the crossdressing at bay.

Fast forward to 10 years ago and a second marriage later and the crossdressing developed into full blown late onset transgender. I hated being a man and wanted everything that women have.  When I crossdressed I did not want to get excited sexually but was only doing it so I could spend time being a girl.   I tried 3 times to leave home, go on hormones and tried to live full time as a woman.

After a few months each time I was on the drugs, I lost all interest in being a woman.  Each time I got very depressed and all I wanted was to go back to the comfort of my wife, who although hated what I was doing, would take me back.  After a time of being off the drugs, eventually I was right back to where I started, wanting so much to live as a woman.

After the third time I finally got it.  I was not transsexual but just a garden variety crossdresser.  The drugs had caused me to lose my sex drive and the desire to crossdress.

Mind you, all of my life, I received counseling and antidepressant drugs to help me with my problem.  I spent years in Christian addiction recovery groups and Sex Addicts Anonymous.  I attended a whole weekend with a sex addiction specialist for $3600 with one-on-one sessions.

The drugs I was taking for MTF transition were estrogen and an anti-androgen used by many transsexuals, spironolactone.  Together they work very well for increasing estrogen levels and reducing testosterone and my T was near zero while I was taking them within a few months.  When I had failed for the third time a light bulb lit up above my head.  I did not want to go back to the intense transgender feeling that I had.  I decided to continue taking the anti-androgen Spironolactone only.  I knew that I did not want the estrogen so as not to develop breasts, which had started to form.

When I did this, my estrogen levels went back to what a normal male has, and my testosterone also went back to my original levels, but there was one big difference.  My sex drive, although there was some there, was greatly reduced.  Before taking any drugs, I felt like I wanted to have sex every day.  I used to have to masturbate occasionally just to relieve the physical pressure in my lower body. 

With the Spiro, now that the strong desire to crossdress and be a woman was gone, I could appreciate my wife better that I ever could before.

Here is my theory of why it works so well.  Unlike other anti-androgens that will bring your T down to nothing, Spiro only acts on your testosterone receptors especially in your brain.  It interferes with that part but does not reduce T.

Now here’s the part that will scare some of you away.  After two years, I did get a little breast growth, but now I am also taking an anti-estrogen also and that is working well.  Just to let you know, from the very beginning, all the drugs I was taking were prescribed by a doctor and I get blood tests every six months to make sure that all my other body chemicals are normal, so I do not feel that this is too dangerous to my health.

In fact, there are some positive side effects.  I am 68 years old and just like most men that age, it gets harder to urinate as you get older because your prostate enlarges and many men end up with prostate cancer.  With the Spiro now, I am able to urinate like a young man again, and my PSA level, used to measure possibility of prostate cancer, is near zero.

Spironolactone is normally prescribed for high blood pressure; the anti-androgen part is a side effect.  My blood pressure has always been okay, but now it is even lower.  It’s not too low, but lower, so my heart is not working as hard as it would.

A third benefit is that I am much less easily upset.  I used to have a temper that would flare, occasionally, and it was caused by very small matters.  In psychology terms I am now less aggressive.  Little things don’t bother me, not traffic, not mistakes my wife makes, not being insulted.   We know that too much testosterone makes men very aggressive and again the brain T receptors for anger are affected by Spiro.

So there is much upside to this and very little downside in my opinion.

I am including some web links at the end of this article supporting my treatment.  Look at the purpose of anti-androgens including Spironolactone with regard to Paraphilias (Yes, that is what crossdressing is classified in psychology).  Most professional help does not know about this or has heard that it does not work but there is enough information out there that anti-androgens do work.

I believe that most men want their cake and eat it too. They hate their addiction but are not willing to give up any part of their physical sexuality.  After all, we are sex addicts, we love sex so much and that’s what gets us into trouble.  Jesus said, “If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out”.  I choose to do that, but only enough to make it easier to resist temptation.  I take (3) 25 mg pills of Spiro a day.  You can, with the help of your doctor find the right level where you get as much relief as possible and still function as a man.  It won’t be every day, but it also will not be once a month.

I am not saying this is for everyone, but for me it is the only way I can live a normal life as a man without the constant daily obsession of wanting to be a woman and fighting it.   I still have the same thoughts and desire to be a woman, although much less often and there is no torment like I used to have.  I still have the same brain with the same likes and wants, that will never be erased, but I learned that I can’t do it because of experience of trying it out.  Nothing has changed regarding what I think I want, but now, with a reduced libido, I am able to resist temptations, obey God, and be content with my life as it is.

I tried with will power, prayer and programs for the last 50 years and I gave up.  From what I see in the Christian crossdressing community, even the men that are having success and long term abstinence still have to work at it very hard and still in some ways fail. 

I still have to do all the right things.  I have to stay in The Word every day, stay close to Jesus in my life, and I can’t ignore my past and fall back into it.  I have to maintain an active life of building caring relationships so I am not isolated, keeping myself from having too much freedom and alone time, maintaining healthy relationship with men’s groups in church, and doing all the things that I read on this blog that are helpful, but it is soooo much easier to do and be successful. 

The last two years have been the happiest I have ever had.  Whenever I see a woman I admire and would still like to be, I think about the consequences of trying to be a woman, and this stops the thought in its tracks. 

If you want to stop struggling and fighting to resist crossdressing  than this works.  If you love your sex drive so much, even though God has now given you a way out from your temptations, just as God has given us doctors so we can get well when we are sick, then how do you expect prayers to be answered for God to help you stop crossdressing?  Don’t think you are doing this without Him.  He is giving you a way!    If you want to use faith, have faith that this will work, and He will protect you from harm.

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Antiandrogen+Drugs

http://www.health.am/sex/more/biological_treatments_for_paraphilias_and_paraphilia/

By Don