I am glad you found your way to this site.  Please enjoy reading my reflections on this difficult and confusing topic of crossdressing.  The intention of this site is to build a network of resources and a community of people trying to fight their crossdressing addictions together, and giving each other encouragement and advice.  Further, I hope this site helps people to think about crossdressing from a Christian and biblical perspective.  Hopefully this site can help us to understand ourselves better and find healing and forgiveness and freedom in our Lord Jesus Christ.   This issue surely has caused most of us great pain, anguish, and frustration in our private, public, and spiritual lives.

I am not an expert.  I write out of my personal experience, my reading about crossdressing, my faith, and the theological education I have received.  I am a Christian pastor.  I myself struggle with the desire to crossdress and starting this site was one way for me to get support and healing for myself from this addiction while trying to help others at the same time.  In 2011, God gave me great victory over this struggle and I have been going strong ever since, with only a few times of struggle and failure.  You can read more about my story on the “About” page.

Please feel free to comment and discuss even if you disagree with me.  I hold all email addresses with confidentiality, but for those of you who are rightly worried about security and anonymity, it’s easy to make a new email address with anonymous names, which you could do before commenting here.  While the point of this website is to help those who are trying to resist crossdressing, I welcome good comments from anybody even if you think crossdressing is a healthy activity.  I enjoy debating to a point, and will try to discuss with you in a healthy, peaceful way.  Perhaps we can have mutual learning and growth through the discussion.  I have been greatly helped by other bloggers, organizations, and articles which I have posted links to.  But as you comment, please keep in mind the purpose of my site.   I approve each comment individually.  I would rather just have comments completely open, but I have learned to monitor them because of past commenters crossing the line and harassing other commenters.

In some posts I do not make clear nuanced distinctions between crossdressing as a sexual fetish addiction and crossdressing as a result of gender dysphoria/transgenderism, and I have been criticized for doing so.  I am not ignorant to the important distinctions between the two issues.  But when I have not distinguished the two issues within an individual post, it is because my arguments against both issues are largely the same arguments and many posts apply to both issues equally.  There is far more overlap between these two gender issues than most people want to admit.  See this post for my thoughts about terms, labels, and types of crossdressers.

Thank you for being willing to read my thoughts.  If they help you, to God be the glory for what he has done in my life.  I thank him for being willing to use me.  Please comment below if you would like prayer in your struggle and I promise to dedicate time in prayer for you.

If you want some guidance in reading my posts, you can start with what I consider to be my “most important posts.”


347 comments on “Welcome!

  1. Matt says:

    Hi I am 15 years old and come from a very strong Christian family. I started having struggles when I was 12 and my father talked to me about them. He said that they came because of the stage I was at. I stopped and was free for two years. Then then came back. I have let in to those temptations several times and now I have trouble resisting them. I was wondering if this is just another stage or if it is leading to something bigger. I want to deal with these sins before I grow older. Thanks. By the way I found your website very encouraging.


  2. Sad Sally says:

    I am so happy to find this site. I am a wife that discovered my husbands cross dressing. We are both Christians and married 2 years. He denies his behavior when I carefully and gently bring it up.. I know he is ashamed and afraid. I am desperate for help from a Christian man or woman on how to love and understand him, knowing the subject is totally untouchable and it is causing a wall between us. I struggle with being sexually turned off (grossed out) at the thought of him in women’s clothing (mostly under garments) and it has caused major trust issues since he is lying and deceiving me in order not to be exposed. I have not raged out about it although I want to scream and cry out loud. I have asked him lovingly to be honest about his activities and he of course gets angry and defensive. I understand he is afraid or has fooled himself into thinking it is ok behavior.
    Is there a way you can help me?
    In Christ, Sad Sally


  3. thorin25 says:

    Hi Matt, thanks for your comment and your story and your encouragement to me. I’d love to talk a little more, and I encourage you to keep reading posts on my site to help you understand yourself better. Here is a list of my posts, you have a lot of reading you can do :)

    I’m confused what you mean by “stage” and what did your father mean? It takes courage to tell a family member. I never told my father. How did he react?

    It’s probably not leading to something bigger, and it’s probably something that will never fully leave you. But the more you give in to the desires, the more the desires will grow. The more you give in, the more an addiction will form that will dominate your life. Listen to those of us who’ve been there, and put up a fight, don’t give in, keep wrestling against the desires. Look at real girls instead of creating a fake one out of yourself. You can do this, with God’s help. The first step is making a commitment to never give in, period. And secondly, please keep reading to understand yourself better and understand the dangers you put yourself in if you decide to continue crossdressing and begin this horrible addiction.


  4. thorin25 says:

    Sally, I’m so sorry that you just had to experience this. I’m actually working on a post right now that will address the exact situation you are in, and how you can respond. But I’m not finished yet. In the meantime, you can explore my site, read my posts, read articles I’ve linked to, to better understand the situation your husband is in. Please be quick to listen and understand, slow to anger, but don’t believe all the websites out there that say crossdressing is harmless and that you should tolerate it.

    You should feel free to talk with other women on this page of my site, and you might get some good help by reading through the comments there and see what other wives have gone through and how they responded – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/

    Your husband is sinning right now in this activity, but more so, in his lying to you. You could suggest to him, whether by talking or by a note, that he read this site and get some help. We have an email prayer group that could really help him out. And some of my posts might snap him back to reality.

    In the meantime, I will pray for you both right now.


  5. Matt says:

    My father noticed me struggling with something and asked me what it was, so I told him. I had just turned 12 and he said that it was because of puberty and sperming. What I meant by stages is sexual maturing. Thank you for your posts. I have being able to look through my temptations and not fall into this horrible sin for a week.
    In Christ,


  6. Matt says:

    I have also not told my father of my recent struggles. One reason being is in my normal life I am a very Masculine boy. I am practicing the art of sword fighting and loving blowing things up and shooting. I am also into boxing. When these temptations come and I fall into them it is like I am a completely different self. When I am finished with this sin I fell ashamed and embarrassed with my self. I am also not one for being the centre of attention, so right know the only one I have confessed to is my Father in heaven, and of course the men on this sight.
    Thank you for your help.
    In Christ,


  7. thorin25 says:

    Matt, you are still a boy, a man. You crossdress because for you its become an alternative to a real girl, or in your case an alternative to porn or sexual fantasies in your head. You make a make-believe girl instead of lusting after a real one. In that way, you aren’t so different from the guy your age who is masturbating and looking at pornography. But because crossdressing is focused on self, and because it can confuse you about your gender, it can be even more damaging in some ways than pornography, and some people actually do get sex change surgery down the road because they fall so much in love with their “female” they created.

    Consider joining our prayer group, and please keep reading –


  8. Vivienne says:

    This is a comment for Sad Sally. Dear Sally, I really sympathise with what you are going through. I told my wife about my crossdressing a couple of years into our marriage. Like you, she was (and is) completely disgusted by it. Unlike you, she had no interest in talking to me about it or hearing my side. In any case, we struggled on through the next 15 years, getting gradually more and more miserable, and I think we have finally reached the end. It’s more messy for us because we have kids.

    Whatever your husband tells you now, his crossdressing will never go away. He may be able to suppress it for a while (sometimes long periods, probably), but the desire will never leave him. No matter how hard he prays, and you pray, it will always be there.

    It will be more difficult for both of you if he can’t or won’t talk about it. That way, he can’t explain himself, and you won’t be able to agree on boundaries around it to make it manageable.

    It’s been a very long and painful journey for us. It might be worth mentally fast-forwarding your life by 15 years, to consider what it would look like if he were still dressing, and wanted to do it more than you were comfortable with. And then you need to make the decision if you want to walk that road.



  9. Matt says:

    That is horrible, I guess I never quiet understood why I did it. Know I now, thank you for telling me so now I can look at and examine my self. I guess what you said horrified me because know I now the extend of it and how I am damaging my self. Thank you.
    Yes ,I will consider joining your prayer group.
    In Christ


  10. Anonymous says:

    My husband is struggling with this addiction and we are trying to work through it. It has been years and a challenging road that words cannot express. He’s giving up hope. He’s frustrated that the urges may never leave and he will never have the strength to not act on his urges. Your words and experience give us both some hope. It’s been difficult and frustrating for us both because there are no recovery programs, support groups, or even specific counselors for CD. You give us hope that there are others who struggle with this and that it is possible to get to a place where it doesn’t control our lives. Its been difficult for both of us to be so alone in this. I know the urges and scars will remain, but like you said, there is a greater joy in living with those urges and not acting on them- healthier relationships, emotional connection that wasn’t possible in the midst of such a secretive addiction, and not living with the daily shame that comes from living this secret. We believe in God and strive to live our lives for him. But after so many years of struggling with CD, my husband has stopped believing God is more powerful than this struggle. I am reaching out for any help you can offer. My husband needs to know someone who has walked this path and overcome it, as do I. Please contact me if you feel prompted that you could help.


  11. thorin25 says:

    Thanks for the note and for reaching out. There is definitely hope! I encourage you both to keep reading the posts on my site, and please suggest to your husband that he join our email support and prayer group – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    My site is full of ideas of how to heal from this, change, and resist temptation, and many links to other resources that will help. Just got to spend some good time reading and putting in the work to change, but change can happen. I’ll pray for you both right now


  12. Alec says:

    Thank you for the reply Tempted. I have been sober from crossdressing for seven weeks now. It has been difficult and not masturbating either but know that is part of the sexual addiction aspect of it. The sexaholics group has helped but I have been working much of that time. Being back with my wife, after being away nearly five months has strangely made it more difficult but mainly because I haven’t been able to attend my group. More to come, must continue to stay the course.


  13. Joel says:

    Hi there,
    Please feel free to email me privately.
    Struggling with what actually took place in my life…here is a synopsis.

    Born and raised a Christian, still am. Totally straight, never an attraction to guys ever.
    I was raised with the belief that sex is something special in marriage, so I saved myself for my wife. She had one sexual partner before me.

    We married, and are still. Sex has always been something I’ve had to initiate in marriage. I would say 80-90% of the time I do, i’ve gotten a no for various reasons. And not overly enthusiastic when yes. I’ve come to the realization that this probably hurt me over time.

    I’ve always casually watched pornography through my teens, and during marriage have resorted to that and masturbation at times. I would always say my first choice was my wife though. Pornography led to different forms and ways to masturbate. Which eventually led to trying crossdressing.

    I realize I developed a fetish a few years ago, because I really only liked wearing lingerie. This was used for self-gratification. I also was talking to others who dressed online. I admit it wasn’t always appropriate. I even met a few others while dressed. Though I did so with the agreement that I was not looking for anything sexual between us. Still inappropriate, and the “normal” me, would always have known this was.

    I broke at the point of the last meet. Where I was convicted by all i’ve done. While I haven’t committed adultery and would never do anything with anyone else that I would do with my wife ie, kiss, hold hands, etc I feel like I don’t know how all this happened.

    I was such a stand up Christian guy. People who know me would say that. Always focused on being loyal to my wife, and stood for that. Yet this took place in my life for a period of a couple years off and on.

    I never had any thoughts or issues with crossdressing growing up, no scenarios that would lead me to understand this. I feel like it developed slowly from pornography. It is absolutely gone now from my life. But I look upon what I did, now, like I would have before I got involved in it. I’m disgusted with my actions and they in no way fit with the life I have built.

    My wife knows, is forgiving of it, but I just feel terrible for letting her down. I would never lay blame on her, but I do wonder if things would have been different had Sex been mutually sought after in our marriage…

    Understanding the forgiveness and grace of God, but feel like I can never get back to the person I once was….

    Again, feel free to contact me via email.


  14. thorin25 says:

    Joel, thanks for reaching out here. I have to approve comments before they appear.

    I’m so sorry for your experiences your sin has brought you to. Sin is destructive, and all the men on this site have experienced it’s effects as well.

    Your newness to crossdressing doesn’t surprise me. That’s the nature of porn. You always need something a little new, something a little different, to keep satisfying your body. It’s an addiction. It accelerates. Not only is this what happens when you go down the road of sexual sin, but even non-Christians have proved that our brain chemistry changes when looking at porn. I highly suggest you read this post/video https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/how-sexual-addictions-destroy-our-lives/

    and http://yourbrainonporn.com/
    There is something biological going on with your brain and porn and sexual addiction. You need more and more to get the same rush, similar to a drug addiction, which is why you branch out to new forms of sexual degradation and perversion.

    You can see my own escalation to other fetishes in this post – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/my-addiction-to-crossdressing-fiction/

    So that is the problem. But that’s not the end of the story. There is hope! Like thousands of other men who have found freedom from pornography, and many from crossdressing as well, you can find freedom. You can beat this addiction. You can stop. You have freewill. It’s going to be tough, but the more you rely on God for strength, the more you pray, the more you fill your mind with the truth of God’s Word, the more accountability you get, you can beat this and no longer be a slave to these sexual sins. In addition, I believe you can recondition your body to desire what is normal and healthy sexually again. For me, I have healed quite a lot in that area.

    Keep reading my posts, keep exploring my links about pornography addiction, and I will pray for you right now, May the Lord Jesus Christ fill your life and give you freedom from this bondage to sin!


  15. Joel says:

    Thank you for the prayer!

    My accountability comes in the form of online anonymous. Only my wife knows and my counsellor.

    I really think dressing in lingerie was a fad in my life. I could go long without it, and it just seemed to be a hobby. I never wanted to do it before, and now I don’t want to at all now.

    I struggle with my actions. While I would preach forgiveness to anyone going through something similar, or “worse” in worldly terms, I struggle to forgive myself.

    I’m not sure on the addiction classification. While I kept my extremely concrete morals, I let so many underneath those ones faulter…

    I often think:
    How can I claim to be a believer when I went against my own morals and values?

    How can I sit here and say I’m straight when I ventured into something that seems not straight?(even tho what attracted me about the dressing was the clothing of lingerie and the female aspect). I know my attraction is feminine based, as I have to attraction to any male look.

    Even if I change, how can I teach Godly sexual teaching, and morals if I have failed on them in the past?

    Lastly, just overcome with sadness at times, as the people who are most proud of me, have no clue of this, and would feel like they don’t even know me would I tell them…

    I have noticed a change in my mindset by reading many articles, sermon series, prayer etc…just always wanted to be that amazing husband and feel like I can still be…just a large shadow over me


  16. Joel says:

    Not sure if you do any email accountability chats or know of an online accountability site?


  17. thorin25 says:

    Everyone is sinful, and has a heart of sin, whether you know it or not. You are a fraud and hypocrite for sure, but just like everyone else. The apostle Paul called himself the worst of sinners. You are not alone. We all have done stupid things, we all have to fall on our knees before God and accept grace in Jesus Christ. That is the only way to have forgiveness and salvation.

    God is wonderful and he even uses sinners like us to do his work in his Kingdom.

    There are many great online sites to help with pornography. I don’t have links right off the bat, but you can find them pretty easily I’m sure. Otherwise here is our accountability and prayer group – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/


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