Welcome!

I am glad you found your way to this site.  Please enjoy reading my reflections on this difficult and confusing topic of crossdressing.  The intention of this site is to build a network of resources and a community of people trying to fight their crossdressing addictions together, and giving each other encouragement and advice.  Further, I write to help people think about crossdressing from a Christian and biblical perspective.  Hopefully this site can help us to understand ourselves better and find healing and forgiveness and freedom in our Lord Jesus Christ.   The issues of crossdressing and gender dysphoria surely have caused most of us great pain, anguish, and frustration in our private, public, and spiritual lives.

I am not an expert, but over the years I have worked hard at reading as many articles and books that I can about these issues, even those that I radically disagree with.  I still have much to read and learn.  I write out of my personal experience, my reading about crossdressing, my faith, and the theological education I have received.  I am a Christian pastor.  I myself used to struggle with the desire to crossdress and starting this site was one way for me to get support and healing for myself from this addiction while trying to help others at the same time.  In 2011, God gave me great victory over this struggle and I have been going strong ever since, with only a few times of struggle and failure.  You can read more about my story on the “About” page.  Through this blog a whole community of men have come together and given up their crossdressing addictions.  Some of them have even written on this blog not only through comments, but through “Guest Posts.”

Please feel free to comment and discuss even if you disagree with me.  I hold all email addresses with confidentiality, but for those of you who are rightly worried about security and anonymity, it’s easy to make a new email address with anonymous names, which you could do before commenting here.  While the point of this website is to help those who are trying to resist crossdressing, I welcome good comments from anybody even if you think crossdressing is a healthy activity.  I enjoy debating to a point, and will try to discuss with you in a healthy, peaceful way.  Perhaps we can have mutual learning and growth through the discussion.  I have been greatly helped by other bloggers, organizations, and articles which I have posted links to.  But as you comment, please keep in mind the purpose of my site.   I approve each comment individually.  I would rather just have comments completely open, but I have learned to monitor them because of past commenters crossing the line and harassing other commenters, or trolling.

Although I usually make clear distinctions between crossdressing as a sexual fetish addiction and crossdressing as a result of gender dysphoria/transgenderism, in some of my posts I talk about both at once with little distinction, and I have been criticized for doing so.  I am not ignorant of the important distinctions between the two issues.  But when I have not distinguished the two issues within an individual post, it is because my arguments against both issues are largely the same arguments and many posts apply to both issues equally.  There is far more overlap between these two gender issues than most people want to admit.  See this post for my thoughts about terms, labels, and types of crossdressers.

Thank you for being willing to read my thoughts.  If they help you, to God be the glory for what he has done in my life.  I thank him for being willing to use me.  Please comment below if you would like prayer in your struggle and I promise to dedicate time in prayer for you.

If you want some guidance in reading my posts, you can start with what I consider to be my “most important posts.”

Thorin

 

*Please do not post your email in the body of the comment itself. It is important to protect yourself from spam and potential harassment by never publicly posting your personal information (such as your email address) on this or any other blog. Rest assured that I will keep your email address confidential.
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509 comments on “Welcome!

  1. Paul Samson says:

    Hi Goodman …

    I’m so glad that you found your way here. Thorin is travelling at the moment and so is unable to respond, but will be in touch when he’s back.

    I did try emailing you privately but it wasn’t delivered for some reason.

    Like you, I struggled with CD for years, and didn’t want to share with anyone, and so carried the guilt and shame for a long time. It was only when I opened up in the safety of this group that I found healing. There are still days where I have to fight hard, as with any addiction, but by God’s grace I’m gaining the victory.

    I’ll be praying for you, brother. There is hope and healing.

    God bless,
    Paul

    Like

  2. Goodman says:

    Thanks paul,
    Sent my e-mail again.

    Like

  3. Paul Samson says:

    Hi Goodman, have just tried to reply again. It’s saying that your email can’t receive emails. Do you want to check your settings? Paul

    Like

  4. Goodman says:

    think its fixed.

    Like

  5. Paul Samson says:

    Hi Goodman,

    Unfortunately it’s still bouncing. Thorin is back soon and may be able to do something his end. I will keep trying as well.

    In the mean time please be assured of my prayers for you. You are at the right place and we really want to welcome you into the prayer group, and Thorin will set that up when he’s back.

    God bless brother,
    Paul

    Like

  6. John says:

    Hi my name is John, well not really. I am a 35 year old Christian man and I’ll be honest, I love to cross-dress. I am not homosexual nor do I have any desire to actually be a woman. I have a beautiful girlfriend I am planning on proposing to soon whom I have yet to tell. Currently I am struggling with deciding whether or not I need to stop crossdressing. I have been back and forth on the issue a lot in the past 3 months since I have got back into it for the first time since returning to a solid faith in Christ.
    I grew up in a Christian home that was rather legalistic. My crossdressing started around age 14 with wearing my mother’s slips. I only did it once in awhile but when I became older I occasionally would buy slips for myself. It was not a big deal for me at first. It wasn’t until I was in my late 20s that I really got into it. I started wearing slept as much as I could. I love to sleep in them and would often wear them underneath my clothes. During this time I was still attending church although the church was not solidly based on the Bible and did not have a true teaching of God’s grace and power for us. I would go through cycles of feeling all guilty and throwing away my women’s clothes and then later buying more. I tried to stop but only could for a while and then I will be back at it. I often struggled with feelings of guilt and shame over it because of that one scripture in Leviticus about men not wearing women’s clothes and women not wearing men’s. On kind of a side note my old church was one of those that use that same verse to condemn every woman who wore pants. I now know that was a clear misuse of scripture so I kind of doubt you can use that scripture alone to condemn every man who likes to wear a dress either. Well back to my story. I was struggling with feelings of guilt and shame but felt powerless to do anything about it for a long time. Because the church I was in was more about keeping the law then Grace I felt guilty about many things besides just wearing slips.
    When I was 30 years old I became convinced that I was doomed to Hell Without hope of ever being saved and slipped into a very severe mental breakdown. I was believing lies from the church I was going to that cause me to have this false view of Christ. I believed he hated me and cursed me with devils and mental illness. I was suicidal for a year and tried to kill myself many times but God never let me pull the trigger on multiple guns I had access to. About 2 years ago after slowly recovering partially from the mental illness I really got into crossdressing. I started wearing dresses in public and dressing up with makeup and wigs. Most people who cross-dress don’t do it in public because they’re worried about what other people think about them. But because of the effects of the mental illness I was still suffering with I really didn’t care what anyone thought of me and as for it being a sin I was sure God hated me anyways so it didn’t matter. This went on for about a year until by God’s grace my faith in him was renewed through church and a Ministry called Celebrate Recovery as well as the life lived by my Godly girlfriend.
    Once I came back to God I felt the need to get rid of all my women’s clothes. I stayed away from crossdressing for about a year during which time my relationship with Christ and my girlfriend continued to grow.
    3 months ago or so I was going through a rough patch in my relationship with my girlfriend and tried on some dresses and liked it. So I got back into it. As a Christian I cared a lot about weather what I was doing was okay with God or not. I prayed about it a lot even before I got started in it again and for some reason at first I really felt like God was okay with what I was doing. I felt more comfortable wearing women’s clothes than ever before. I even wore a dress to a major Church in my area one Sunday just to see if I would feel as comfortable worshipping God in a dress as I did dressed as a man. I only did it once because I don’t really like to draw attention to myself at church but that time I did it I kind of felt like God was okay with it. I asked the pastor if it was sinful and he said it was not necessarily sinful but I should check my motives. He did caution that as a Christian my purpose was to reach people for Jesus and I could not reach many people dressed as a woman.
    Like I said for the first month or two I felt like it was okay. I seem to actually feel better about crossdressing after praying about it than before. There was this one time I was in Walmart trying on dresses and I actually said to myself. “For the first time I can really enjoy crossdressing because I no longer need to feel guilty” It seemed like more of a hobby and I felt mostly masculine even dressed as a woman. It wasn’t until I started focusing more on myself for sexual gratification that it seemed like what had seemed to me as a pet kitten in some ways turned into more of a tiger that I felt like was going to eat me. I started becoming more self-focus which as a Believer I do not like. Around the same time I quit the last of the medications I had been taking for my mental health because my health had improved. Doing this cause withdrawal symptoms which brought back a lot of the old feelings of mental illness. These feelings only compounded the self Focused feelings I was feeling from crossdressing. This brought back the feelings of guilt and shame. Now it seems like the more I try to stop the more I want to do it. I don’t like desires having control over me. I like to feel like I’m in control of them so this aspect of It scares me at the moment.
    I should tell you a little bit about myself. When I’m dressed as a man I consider myself more masculine than a lot of men. Right now I am wearing a pair of overalls and a very masculine flannel shirt. As a man I am one of those men who often feel the need to be the tough guy. This is part of why I like crossdressing. In some ways when I’m dressed as a woman I feel more relaxed. Yes of course, like every other crossdresser there is a sexual connection as well which I see as unhealthy at the moment when I’m not physically with my girlfriend. I used to think that being married and channeling this sexual energy towards my wife would fix this aspect. I’m now not so sure.
    I am conflicted on the issue right now because I am struggling with clearly seeing it as okay or wrong to cross-dress. If I told you it was all bad for me to do it that would not be true. But if I told you it was all good that would not be true either. We might as well be honest. To me it has both its benefits and its liabilities. I see it as both adding and detracting from my relationship with my girlfriend. One of the ways it adds to my relationship with her is that I find certain clothes she wears more attractive on her because I also like to wear them myself. In this way it grows my attraction to her which is healthy. I love to shop for clothes for her. It also detracts by at times making me more self-focus so I feel less attracted to her. I don’t like this. For some time I have been fantasizing about doing it together with her and thinking that this would take care of the negative side effects. I am now not so sure that this is true. Yes this would be very fun for me but would it be fun for her I don’t know. Basically I want to continue doing it and only get what I see are positive side effects without the negative side effects. Realistically I know this is kind of like saying you would like to take drugs because they make you feel good but not have any bad side effects. I know in the real world this doesn’t usually work no matter what the drug is.
    Another thing is that I, like the author of this page, have been feeling the call to preach in some way the past few months. I see that is something that God has in his plan for me and I do see the crossdressing especially in public as something that could interfere with that plan. I know I am not homosexual but I also know that most people who see me dressed as a woman probably think I am. I don’t really like this. But it’s fun and I still care less about what other people think of me than most.
    I have read stories that it is impossible for a man to stop crossdressing. Well I have been active in Celebrate Recovery for the past year. Celebrate Recovery has helped perhaps hundreds of thousands of people break the chains of many different addictions through the power of Jesus Christ and support of fellow believers. As for whether or not I can break free of the crossdressing. I am that with the help of Christ and a support system I can. Right now I am still struggling with wondering if I need to. To borrow from Celebrate Recovery you might say I was in denial.
    I think the next step for me is to discuss this in detail with my girlfriend whom I believe will be my wife before too long. I know she can provide the motivation I need to quit if she doesn’t like it. It’s just a little scary to mention the subject right now. You could say why finding your site and others like it I am lining up a support system already should I make the Clear Choice to step away from the crossdressing. I also know that as my mental health continues to stabilize while my brain gets used to functioning without the drugs I will be able to make a more clear-cut decision. I am a stubborn person at times which I can use to my advantage. I also I’m not afraid to turn to others for help when I need it. I do think living with my girlfriend and being married to her would help me not me to need to dress as a woman as much. I think it would be easier to just let her wear the dresses I like. If, with the right support, a man can quit doing heroin and meth I am sure I can quit this addiction as well. I guess right now I am just waiting on seeing the clear need to get started in that path.

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  7. thorin25 says:

    Goodman, I’m here now, you can discuss with me on my questions page:
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/questions-requests/
    Or you can check your email, I’ll try to email you as well

    Like

  8. thorin25 says:

    John, thank you so much for your post and your story. Thank you for being honest about where you are at. I’m the author of this page. Let me share with you some of my quick reflections, and we can talk more as you read more.

    First, Celebrate Recovery I’ve heard is a great program. Thank you for the testimony about it.

    Second, you really need to deal with that shame and guilt. In Christ, we should be set free from that shame and guilt. I highly highly highly highly suggest this really short book that will help you to apply the good news of the Gospel better to your heart – Prodigal God by Tim Keller –
    Just download it and read it now. https://www.amazon.com/Prodigal-God-Recovering-Heart-Christian/dp/1594484023/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522086549&sr=8-1&keywords=prodigal+god

    Third, I’m not going to type up something long to help you sort out whether crossdressing is wrong or harmful or not. My position is quite clear, but I’ll point you in the right direction to read more of my posts about it from a Christian and from a neutral perspective – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/
    You can read that post and the posts it links too. For me, it is fundamentally clear. If you read my posts carefully and fully, and still are not sure, please fire away with your questions and comments.

    Fourth, for dealing with what I think is you splitting aspects of your personality, letting out some parts only when you crossdress, and overcompensating when you aren’t – see this post about integrating your identity into wholeness – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2016/08/08/an-alternative-method-integration-and-contentment/

    Fifth, if you decide to tell your fiance – read these two posts fully – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2016/02/09/how-do-i-tell-my-wife-a-friend-or-a-pastor-about-my-crossdressing/

    Sixth, if you pray about this and make a firm decision to quit, please join our group – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Keep in touch

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  9. Andrew says:

    John, I also want to thank you for your testimony and just want to say welcome to the club! Thorin has shared with you the posts that you need you to read. I would just say this to you my friend that there is light at the end of your tunnel and Celebate along with accountability either here or there will be a real asset to recovery. One thing that hit me in your story is how self involved you are and that is part of the problem with this sin. Re read your post and notice how much of it has really nothing to do with others including your fiancée. That is the problem with this sin, it is all about me, me wonderful me! As Thorin suggested in the group you will find a lot of support and love. I look forward to conversing with you.

    Blessings
    Andrew

    Like

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