Well the day I’ve been alternatively dreading and being excited for finally came. My wife left on a trip and will be gone for 1 night. I knew this was coming months ago. When I heard about it way back then part of me thought, “oh no, that will be a hard night to resist temptation” and part of me thought “hmm, that gives me opportunity to dress up and do some things.”
The last time this happened, some 6 months ago or so, I was in a period of victory over my crossdressing addiction. But when she left for a night that other time, I found myself putting on real nail polish for the first time in my life (after making sure I could take it off again using more nail polish). And found myself wanting to go to bed in her babydoll. Which by the way, I’ve done before, and got absolutely no sleep until I finally took it off. I greatly regret my actions during her last trip. I wasted so much time. It was all pretty pointless.
So obviously, I was worried about this coming trip. But I planned ahead, because I DO NOT want to fail again. I told 2 of my accountability partners and told them to plan ahead to help me on this day, today and tomorrow. Being the good guys they are, they both remembered to call me and check in on me. They both make sure I’m not giving in, not planning on giving in, and not lying to them.
I’m doing great. I have no intention of failing, though even planning ahead for temptation, the temptations are very much stronger tonight than normal. I’m not sure why, since I have alone time every day. Maybe it’s just knowing I’m alone during the night and know I won’t get caught. Honestly, the thought in my head is “I just feel like being pretty tonight.” But I need to stop and process that thought and figure out why I’m thinking such things. If any of you were on the email prayer chain I want to start, you would have got an email to pray for me today 🙂
But I am resisting and feeling good about it. I think I will spend my night playing video games and working on my Deuteronomy 22:5 blog post, which is taking me forever! But eventually I’ll be done with it.