Tonight while making dinner, my wife wanted me to put on an apron so that I didn’t ruin my clothes with oil splattering. The only one we have is hers, and it’s not overly feminine, but feminine enough. It’s patterned in tiny flowers and shaped more to a female.
Last time this came up while making a meal, I put the apron on as requested. She knows about my crossdressing problems. But we have had conversations about how men wear aprons too and it’s not a big deal. Her view is that there is nothing feminine about wearing aprons. And she seemed annoyed that I was worried about it. So last time I put it on, and it seemed no big deal. It certainly was no big deal to her. She is vehemently opposed to me crossdressing, but to her wearing her apron was not crossdressing in the least.
However, to me it was a big deal. I got small pleasure wearing the apron, but it was just awkward being with her in it. And then it made me get thinking. The next day after that episode, found me online looking up stories about “it all started with an apron.” These were stories about gradual crossdressing beginning with the wife getting her husband in an apron. What should have been a harmless thing, wearing the apron, was certainly not for me. I got strong pleasure from reading those stories, and then felt incredibly guilty after masturbating to them. Besides, even if an apron should be neutral clothing, in my mind this apron was “female clothing” which would mean it would be crossdressing for me to wear it, even if okay for another man to wear it.
So this time, when my wife asked me to, I said “No, doing so causes me problems.” She reacted very well and did the cooking part that I was going to do, so that I didn’t ruin my clothes or have to wear an apron. I explained to her that I know there is nothing wrong with wearing one, and that I should be able to wear one with no problem, but that for me it still causes me problems, and that until it no longer does, I’ll have to refrain from wearing one. She reacted again very well, and seemed to easily understand what I was saying, and didn’t get annoyed like last time. I really appreciate that she reacted this way rather than with judgment and frustration. She suggested buying me a masculine apron! Which would be a good idea, except the once a year I’d actually wear it wouldn’t be worth it.
But the temptation was avoided, so no fantasies should be built up in my mind from this episode. I am feeling strong enough that I probably could have worn it and think about it as neutral clothing, but why play with fire if I don’t need to? And it was really nice to be able to have this brief exchange with my wife, and feel good by having her support and understanding.