Progress Report – 11-29-11 and Dreams

It’s been somewhere close to 87 days since my last crossdressing failure of any kind.  I’m still doing great and feeling good, but I won’t repeat everything I’ve said in other progress reports.  One thing that’s been interesting lately is that my libido seems to be lower.  Maybe it continually fluctuates.  But the last couple weeks have been the easiest yet at resisting crossdressing temptations. Maybe it helps that I have been busy lately.

I want to just say a few words about dreams.  Sometime I want to do a separate post about crossdressing in dreams and what it all means, but I don’t have the energy to do that today.  Today I just want to talk about how my dreams have been changing as more and more time goes by since my last crossdressing failure.

I’ve been continually fighting against crossdressing my whole life, but as you can read in my About-Me Pages, I usually still failed once or twice or thrice a month.  That was until 87 days ago.  During the last few years I have had crossdressing in my dreams all the time.  And most of the time when I would give in to crossdressing it was on a day following a crossdressing dream at night.  Those dreams messed with my head and made it really hard to not fail, and I just couldn’t get those dreams to stop coming no matter how much I tried or how much I prayed about it.

But things have been changing.  A month and a half after my last failure, I had a very interesting dream.  In it there was crossdressing – nothing surprising there.  But it was much less pleasurable than normal crossdressing dreams.  And instead of enjoying the dream like I normally would, I didn’t enjoy crossdressing in this dream.  As a matter of fact, I felt really foolish in the dream.  I looked ridiculous.  Crossdressing just felt stupid and I didn’t want to do it anymore.

But the big thing to report is not that specific dream, but the fact that now I am rarely having crossdressing in my dreams at all anymore.  It would be a lie to say that it is never there.  And I’m guessing it’s there more than I realize since I don’t remember 100% of my dreams every morning, though I usually remember at least 1 or 2 every day.  (I know I am unusual, my wife is shocked at my strange dreams that I always remember).

So the frequency of crossdressing in my dreams has finally gone down.  For this I am so grateful.  Maybe God was waiting to answer my prayer for help in dreams, by waiting for me to stop crossdressing.

But this is only the half of it.  I have also always prayed and asked God to give me more dreams of sexual times with my wife instead of the crossdressing dreams.  Well there has been very little of that for most of my 6 years of marriage (not to mention I basically had zero sexual dreams about a woman or women in my pre-marriage life).  But it seems that now, as the crossdressing dreams are going away, the dreams about my wife are increasing in frequency, going from very non-existent to fairly frequent.  I am very very very happy about this, and let me tell you, they are fun pleasurable dreams!

Not much has changed sexually in our marriage.  The big thing is just me stopping crossdressing stuff completely.  But that has had a marked difference both on my desires for my wife, and for my dreams about her.  Guys, it’s so worth it to give up crossdressing!

I’ve been having dreams about having sex with my wife, dreams about her in lingerie, and dreams about her naked.  There have been a few in the past week.  Last night was incredible.  We were making out together in the dream and she was looking hot, and it was just really really intimate and pleasurable.  And unlike crossdressing dreams, it felt pure and holy in addition to feeling pleasurable.

We still have a ways to go in our non-dream marriage physically.  But our marriage is strong and we have a great time together, and do have some good physical times together, just not as much as I want.  But while we work at it, I am sure appreciative to God for giving me these dreams to help me through!


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