Progress Report – Celebration and a change

Celebrate with me!  It’s been 3 months since my last failure of any kind.  It feels more good than I can describe.  This is the best I’ve felt overall in life in years and years.  My life isn’t perfect by any means, but with crossdressing out of my life, everything just looks brighter and better.

One new thing I’ve been noticing, is that the longer I resist crossdressing, the way I view my wife changes.  As a past crossdresser I have a heavy attachment to feminine things, the clothing and objects themselves.  I don’t just find women attractive, I find their clothing or makeup attractive.  I don’t just get turned on by women, I get turned on by a pair of shoes or a purse.  This has caused some issues in my marriage.  I am always wanting my wife to wear more makeup, or wear high heels, or buy new clothes, or paint her nails etc.  In general, she’s been a good sport about this though is frustrated at times.  I do think it’s good for both husband and wife to try to be attractive for the other.  But I think a big part of my desires for what she should wear was because I was attracted to those objects and extras rather than being attracted to her as she is.

Lately, I’m noticing I desire her more just in general, regardless of those external attachments.  I still find all of those things attractive, but in general those objects are turning me on less.  As I lose my interest to crossdress (my desire for those objects), I also am losing the need for my wife to have all those objects in order to be attractive.  Her normal regular beauty as a woman, as my wife who I know and love, is becoming greater.  Just she by herself is turning me on more than before, and the desire for her to have those extra things is less.  This is a very small change.  I don’t want to exaggerate it.  I still enjoy it when she paints her nails, wears high heels and so on, but there is a marked difference in how much I feel I “need” her to do those things.  So this is just one more of the many things I find encouraging now that crossdressing is no longer a part of my life.

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3 comments on “Progress Report – Celebration and a change

  1. Thorin my brother I congratulate you on the progress you have made. We either progress or we regress there is no gress. One day at a time is the oft used expression and with God’s help that is what we all need to do, just keep doing this thing one day at a time. I still have moments when I desire the feminine. I own a store in a mall and everytime I walk past Charlotte Russe I have that moment of insanity when I see what the manekin is wearing and were it not for the Holy Spirit helping me, it would be a lot more difficult for me. But thanks be to God I do not walk past that window alone and I do not travel this journey alone for we are together in this battle. The enemy can not have us and it must really piss him off for a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken.
    I am an artist and for a number of years I designed kitchens and baths. I would struggle internally because I felt that I had a strong feminine side which of course helped in my addiction. I had a strong emotional side. I was empathetic to the enth degree and had an eye for style to the point where I would pick out my wifes clothes when we went shopping. I just didn’t know what to do with all my feelings. how did I label myself? Well the answer came one day at a time through talking to counselors and friends and the Holy Spirit who one day told me ” I made you emotionally available, not feminine” Wow that hit me hard! I was talking to a friend one night and telling him about my struggle to explain my “softer side” and he said no you were given the gift of mercy. I never thought of it that way and I guess that’s the point. The enemy we fight does not want us to think in terms of us being men with gifts given to us by the God of the universe able to be emotionally available, or be brave enough to cry with another because we have compassion or even see the joy in someone because we have an eye for color or design. That is not feminine it is what God made us, a caring emotionally available male who also likes show tunes lol. I have had all those wonderful gifts since birth but the evil one took what God made good and perverted it through abuse when I was younger till I believed the lies. Well, my friend those days are long gone for me and now I know what the truth of my life is and there is no going back from here. I just keep listening and putting one foot in front of the other one day at a time! I wish you nothing but the best in your journey because you’re worth it!
    Andrew

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  2. congratulations to fasting for 3 successful months, get ready to say goodbye for your old habit

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  3. thorin25 says:

    Thank you Lulu!

    Michael, I find it interesting the ways you are talking about who God made you to be. The man God made you to be, includes being artistic and recognizing beauty and having mercy. Our culture says those are feminine traits, but nowhere does God say that. Our culture has gender all out of whack. What makes a true man or a true woman?

    Galatians 5 –
    22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.

    Our culture would like to say that those are feminine traits, but not according to God.

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