Links added – Thoughts and Articles about Crossdressing and Transgenderism

I’ve been doing some reading of what other Christians have written about crossdressing and have added some new links.  Expose ministries tries to reach out to wives’ who are struggling with their husbands’ crossdressing or transgenderism.   Here are about – 10 articles – related to crossdressing, transgenderism, the Christian faith, the Bible, and marriage.  Much of what the articles say I agree with and have already written about.  Some of the articles have strong arguments and are definitely worth a read.

 

 

The most interesting one for me was an article called – “Cross-dressing, does it really matter?”  The article says a lot, more than I can comment on right now.  It’s good.  But 3 things I wanted to pick out to comment on that I thought were particularly interesting are below.

 

The article says –

Don’t let the world lie to you.  You can never actually be a different gender.  There is no fluidness in gender.  God created male and female. period.  The fantasy that you can actually become a woman is a lie.  You will only ever be a plastic, reconstructed man who looks vaguely like a woman. If the Ethiopian cannot change his skin nor a leopard his spots (Jeremiah 13:15-27) why do we think we can change our gender? God loves those struggling with trans-genderism.  He loves them enough to make a way for them to be rescued from their struggle.

The verse about the Ethiopian not being able to change his skin color is very interesting.   We believe that no matter what color your skin is, no matter what your “race” or “ethnicity” is, (whatever terms you want to use), you are still fully human and equal.  We talk about how our different skin colors and body types are just different, but not better than another.  Because of this, I think the common consensus in our culture is to accept the body you have and appreciate what you look like.  There are some countries, for example in India, where people try to lighten their skin to look like Westerners.  But I think most of us in the USA would say that there is something wrong about that and whatever you look like is just fine, and you shouldn’t try to look more white or look more black or more anything.  Just be who you are.  So when people like Michael Jackson have surgery to change the color of his skin, we think it’s kind of grotesque rather than just “okay.”  At least, I would make a judgment and say, Michael Jackson should have accepted himself as a black and not been ashamed of it.

So how does this relate to crossdressing or transgenderism?  Well, I think it’s very interesting that our culture readily would admit that people trying to change their ethnicity is wrong, and shows some kind of identity confusion.  It shows that they can’t accept who they really are, and maybe feel ashamed of who they are.  And yet, when it comes to changing gender (an even more severe bodily and identity change), our culture seems to think its A-okay.  Doesn’t the same logic apply?  Don’t we still have to accept the body we were born with?  Isn’t it still the result of identity confusion to try to change our body through surgery to try to appear as something different?  Anybody else have thoughts on this?

 

 

Another point in the article I thought was interesting was this –

“Cross-dressing betrays your promise to your wife:  In Ephesians 5 we learn of Jesus’ devotion to the church.  His sacrificial death and life is a model for how husbands are to love their wives, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (verse 25) When you married your wife you promised “with all that I am and I that I have I honour you and will love you and cherish you all the days of my life”.  You promised her this as a man.  Almost all wives, when they discover their husband’s cross-dressing, will utter ‘But I married a man, I don’t want to be married to a woman’.  Even if you only cross-dress on occasions, your wife will always know that there is a part of you that is not honouring, cherishing and loving her.”

Men, if you are going to crossdress or get a sex-change, you are breaking your marriage vows.  Maybe you think you need to crossdress to be happy.  Maybe you don’t think you can live without it.  But if you end up doing it, especially if your wife does not want you to, you are not being faithful to your marriage vows.  This makes you a covenant breaker and a liar.  Your wife has every right to leave you or divorce you.  The Bible says we can only divorce because of marital unfaithfulness.  I think this is an even worse unfaithfulness than run of the mill adultery.  In one sense it is on par with adultery, because you are being with another woman (yourself in this case).  But beyond just making a tragic mistake in a marriage, you are altering fundamentally the person you are (or trying to alter who you are).  You are abandoning your role in the marriage as the husband, a man.  A woman can choose to forgive adultery and love you anyway and you can move on together.  But how can a woman remain married if she is being forced to be married to a woman or part-time woman?  Anybody else have thoughts on this?

 

 

The last point I want to comment on from the article –

“Cross-dressing destroys your fatherly role to your children:  To whom are your children to turn to as a model of one who loves and walks confidently as a man?  If you are dressing and acting like a woman, does this not communicate to your children that being a man is not sufficient?  Both boys and girls need to observe men who are secure in their manhood. Boys need this as a model of whom they will aspire to be like.  Girls need to feel loved by a man so they feel safe to trust men later in life. Manhood encompasses a huge variety of expressions – yet each man must ultimately find his confidence in knowing his Creator was not mistaken in his sexuality.”

I think this is a strong point.  If you are crossdressing and your children find out, doesn’t that communicate to your child that being a male is not good enough?  Doesn’t that show to your child that being a boy is not enough?  Doesn’t that communicate to your child that either males aren’t as good as females, or that males can only be truly human if they delve into femininity by crossdressing?   If you were to tell your son that you have to crossdress to let certain personality traits out of you like sensitivity and gentleness, doesn’t that communicate to him that he is not allowed to be sensitive and gentle as a man, but only women can, or men who are crossdressed?  If you think about this for a moment, I think not only can you see the harm that crossdressing can do to people in your life like your children, but you can see how crossdressing does not really make sense.  It is confusion.

 

 

One other article to comment on by this same author is – “The Bible is not Silent on Transgenderism.”  Here is one of the points –

“When the church makes its stand on declaring God’s truth concerning trans-genderism, the world will know that it is Jesus alone who has the power to set free those who are plagued by trans-genderism.  The world knows it has no answer for those struggling with trans-genderism.  They know that this condition is too intense, too consuming and too emotionally confusing to set right with the medical knowledge available to them.  Their only solution is to manipulate the outer body so that it somehow aligns with what the inner mind demands.   Yet they have not questioned whether it is the inner mind that is misaligned, for they have no method by which to change the mind.  The Word of God alone has the power to transform the human mind.”

It seems in our culture people view the human soul or mind or both as unique and perfect.  God made my mind and soul how they are, and they are wonderfully unique and they can never be changed.  I can’t disagree with this more.  Since the fall into sin by Adam and Eve, all people are born flawed and crooked and messed up and mired in sin.  That includes our soul, heart, body, spirit, and mind – everything that makes up a person by whatever definition you have.  This means that whatever is going on in your head or soul isn’t okay.  Perhaps you were really born with a female soul in a male body.  Have you ever thought that maybe it is your soul that is messed up and wrong, not your body?  But the good news is that even though we are all born messed up, God in his grace forgives us for all of our sins.  And beyond his forgiveness, he works to bring healing from the brokenness in our lives.  The solution is not to have surgery to alter your body.  The solution is to let God transform your life, all of it – your spirit, mind, soul, and body.  Coming to Jesus and growing in him transforms our minds slowly conforming them to what God wants for us.  They won’t be perfect until Jesus returns to earth and makes us new, but we are slowly made more holy by the Holy Spirit as we grow in Christ.

Romans 12:22 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

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3 comments on “Links added – Thoughts and Articles about Crossdressing and Transgenderism

  1. Andrew says:

    Theses are really great links. I have eumailed Gad Hall before and she is a really sweet lady.
    all of her articles hit the nail on the head and are very convicting. I know for me that I had hurt my wife more tha I ever thought I ever would or could and sold myself a huge bill of goods that I wasn’t hurting anyone. What a lie that was. Everything about crossdressing is all about self centeredness and self deception. I thank God that by keeping him in front that part of my life is now in my past.

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  2. ikthys says:

    I also have had personal correspondence with the founder of “Expose” ministries. I pleaded with her to change her info pamphlet (which she did slightly) so that it is less harsh on the guy. While you know that I am firmly against allowing crossdressing, I am also very defensive (and offended) by material that calls a woman to marshall the relationship toward separation and divorce so easily. If he’s refusing to give it up, that’s one thing. But her list of “ultimatums”- see her pamphlet- is too long. All of the items listed are valuable goals and important standards, but not all equally qualify to be ultimatums that cause separation/divorce. In fact, I pleaded with her to even remove divorce from the pamphlet (which she did not) for two reasons- one, I think it’s unjustified, and two, because I think the last thing a woman needs to hear as she’s freaking out over her husband’s revealed secret, and also the last thing in the world that the husband needs in order to help bring healing in that time, is the word “divorce”. Anyway, part of my post about weak reasons against crossdressing was aimed at her list of reasons. I was torn about listing her has a resource out of this nit-pickiness I guess. The way your site is framed, I think her stuff is a valuable inclusion to the links page.

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  3. thorin25 says:

    Ikthys those are very valuable thoughts. Thank you for being willing to give some honest criticism. I reread what I wrote myself in this post and want to clarify my thoughts so thank you. As a pastor, I would not want to counsel divorce except in extreme situations. Divorce may be permissible in certain situations but it is never “good.” Maybe it is similar to war in that war is sometimes necessary but always horrible and not “good.” Even in situations of abuse, or situations of adultery, the first goal would always be to counsel for forgiveness, healing, and reconciliation.
    I’ve personally been in the situation of being told by a marriage counselor that we should get a divorce because things were so bad in our marriage. But thankfully we chose to keep true to our covenant, and begged God for help. And he did help. Not only did we learn dependence on him, but we learned to grow through suffering. We learned to love and accept each other. Forgiveness and healing abounded in our marriage because of it.
    I hear you Ikthys. Bringing up the divorce word is a scary thing, and it should only be a last resort. But after extensive counseling, if a guy was refusing to live as a man and still wanted to live as a woman, I would tell the wife not to feel guilty about getting a divorce. If the man was just crossdressing periodically and repenting (or maybe even not repenting), I’d for sure counsel staying in the marriage and forgiving and working at it. If she couldn’t handle it, I’d advise a temporary separation for a while they figure things out (something my wife and I purposefully did for a season and it helped us a lot).

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