Progress Report – 1-30-12

Well, it’s been approximately 142 days since I last failed by putting on an article of women’s clothing or failed by reading crossdressing stories/watching crossdressing videos.   This is a huge victory as I could fail either way nearly every day if I wanted to, since I do so much work from home alone.  I wouldn’t even have to fear getting caught like many of you would.  But I don’t desire it anymore.   Not much has changed since my last progress report.  I’m still very much enjoying the freedom from crossdressing that God gave me.  I’ve been thinking about crossdressing and this blog much less lately, as I’ve been so busy in the other areas of my life.  Being a pastor is a time-consuming position especially when I am always on-call.  And God is using me greatly in that position and it’s my main role in life right now.  In the past couple months there were times when I was spending too much time writing for this blog and not focusing on my job enough, so that has changed, and it needed to.

I still have the occasional dream with crossdressing elements.  I still have minor temptations once in a while.  To be real honest, I haven’t had a temptation to put on my wife’s clothing in a really long time.  But the minor temptations I still have once in a while have to do with crossdressing stories or videos or pictures on the internet.  I’m not particularly drawn to them anymore.  But once in a while I will be commenting on other people’s blogs and articles related to crossdressing, and I have to be careful not to let myself go down the rabbit hole and then fail.  It’s more about my old habits, than about me having huge temptations to look at those things or read those stories.   When I used to fail on the internet in the past, I would spend hours just looking at crossdressing pictures, and videos, and reading stories, and I would be turned on the whole time until I would finally masturbate.  This month, there were a couple times I was commenting on other people’s blog posts, and I just started clicking more links and ended up in places I probably shouldn’t have gone, where there were too many crossdressing pictures.  I stopped looking pretty quickly, but it was a good reminder to be careful, even as I am visiting and commenting on sites to help other people.

My interest level in this blog has gone down some.  I’m so sick of cross dressing and all the pain it has caused me in the past.  Sometimes I just don’t want to think about it, not because I’m trying to bury my feelings, but just because I increasingly find crossdressing more disturbing, sick, ugly, and messed up.  But usually it’s just that I feel too busy to write anything.  Which is unfortunate because I have a list of probably 100 things I want to write about, and other good resources I want to link to.  I’ll be keeping up this blog and I will keep writing, but the longer posts are going to be spaced out a little bit more than they used to be until I catch up on other things in life.  I’m thinking posts will be more like once a week rather than every few days.

On a positive note, I see on my stats page what people are searching for in search engines to then find their way to my site.  Not all of them comment on my site, but I can tell from what they typed in on their search that they are looking for guidance and help and freedom from crossdressing.  Brothers, we are not alone.  There are a lot of Christian brothers out there that want the same freedom we have.  We must keep helping them in any way that we can.  Pray for them and encourage them.

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12 comments on “Progress Report – 1-30-12

  1. thorin25 says:

    I just read a pretty nasty rant against my blog and particularly this post. It made me think. Let me apologize if this post came off cocky about my recent success in resisting crossdressing. I am simply excited about how far I’ve come and wanted to share that excitement with others and give the rest of you hope that it is possible. Of course I didn’t get here on my own, but by God’s grace, and the support, guidance, and help of many of you and people in my real life, it has happened.

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  2. Imitations says:

    Hi Throin…… I get some pretty nasty stuff on my blog as well, but let it ride. I look upon it this way; if I am writing to the general public, anyone can comment, but I don’t have to use my blog to share others sad outlook on life with the world either.
    If you as an ex-crossdresser have found yourself in a good spot in life and especially where it concerns the woman you love, go for it. God Bless

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  3. Kira says:

    Just to let you know, I have replied to your post on my blog via email as I felt that that was a more appropriate format to answer your questions. If you wish to talk more feel free to email or post a comment.

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  4. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Imitations, I appreciate the comment

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  5. thorin25 says:

    Sounds good Kira, I’ll read your email now.

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  6. Andrew says:

    Thorin
    I am sooooo happy for you!!! I always try to remember though that it just one day at a time and to stay in the “now” of my life. I haven’t had much time myself to comment on your stuff but know that I am here for you and anyone else who might care to hear my “2 cents worth”. I was brought low recently by the fact that my wife had a small, minor stroke but a stroke nonetheless. Talk about your wake up calls! It brought me to a place of real sadness for all the pain I created for her. I wasn’t sad for the fact that I was “caught” but rather a very deep sadness that I can picture God having when we sin. So there is progress even in my repentance that I am grateful for.
    I have not thought about how long I have been “sober” but your progress report reminds me that my sobriety date is Aug 27th 2011 so I will praise God for your success and mine and all the other guys here even if it is only 24 hours! Congratulations!

    Andrew

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  7. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Andrew for your testimony! That’s the kind of talk we need around here. I love the last part about success even if it is for only 24 hours.

    Sorry to hear about your wife’s stroke, I will pray for you both. May God heal her and bring her to good health

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  8. dramaking says:

    Thank you Thorin.

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  9. Ralph says:

    What an inspiration! I too have seen a steady decline in my obsession with the subject over the past year. That’s not to say I’m ready to ditch the dresses and put on jeans at home; after 25+ years it’s just what I feel most comfortable in. But I have given up entirely on the pro-crossdressing blogs that just annoy me with their “I am/want to be a girl” self-centeredness, I no longer feel compelled to shop for new clothes, and I’ve dropped the Second Life accout that I was using primarily as a way to go out in public wearing dresses. Now when I’m in SL, it’s with my wife and I’m happy to wear a suit and spend time dancing with her (she’s physically handicapped, so this is the only way we CAN go out dancing).

    If the trend continues, I can look forward to feeling just as comfortable in pants. I have already discovered that those “Under Armour” athletic shirts (spandex and nylon) are just as comfortable as a leotard, with the added advantage of being socially acceptable AND easier to use the bathroom. Maybe a collection of silk boxers and I won’t even need to underdress — I’ll have all the comforts of soft clothes on my skin without the side effects of crossdressing.

    I woke up from a dream last night in which I had used the cover of darkness to go out on a bicycle wearing a pink nightgown, only to find by the time I started out for home again it was morning and crowded with young people on their way to school. The sound of their mocking laughter was a reminder yet again how socially unacceptable what I do is.

    So anyway, good on ya. Keep it up; we’re all watching you for inspiration. No pressure 🙂

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  10. thorin25 says:

    Good to hear from you Ralph. I’d heartily applaud you buying some nicer feeling boxers. It’s not really that impossible after all to wear mens’ clothing but still wear comfortable clothing. If you think about it, the feeling would be just about exactly the same. Why don’t you try it? Then you can find out more whether it’s really about the feel of the clothes or something else for you. Thank you for your encouragement too!

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  11. Warren Cleaver says:

    As a christian, I have had problems with watching cross-dressing videos and reading articles/fiction. I put into google ” watching cross-dressing videos as a christian” and it led me to this blog post. I also masturbate while watching these videos. I am looking to find less pleasure in these things and more pleasure in god and other things. Please pray for me

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  12. thorin25 says:

    Hi Warren, thanks for the comment. I’m definitely glad to help you in any way I can. God surely led you here to convict you and draw you away from this sin. Praise the Lord for doing so. I encourage you to keep reading my different pages and posts. Here is a good one to start with –

    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/

    I will surely pray for you right now. Check out my email prayer chain page as well. Hang in there, you can give up crossdressing and find healing with the Lord giving you strength!

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