12 Steps to Stop Crossdressing

Steps for Giving up and Stopping Crossdressing

I thought it would be helpful to compile a list of good beginning steps for those who want to give up crossdressing for good.  This is just a starting point for those who wish to stop crossdressing completely.  Stopping crossdressing altogether is a long process, and there is much more that could be said and be done, besides the brief steps I’ve outlined here.  But for those that want to finally overcome crossdressing in their lives, this is a good place to begin.

I’m going to only briefly lay out these points.  For some of them I will link to other blog posts, (some of them not my own), that explain further these points.  For most of these points, I plan to write about them in a more deep way, each individually, in the future in other detailed posts.  Also, I’m sure this list could be improved, edited, added to, so if you have any suggestions please let me know.  The goal is to help people, not make myself look like an expert (which I’m not), so if you have any helpful criticisms, please comment.

These steps are in an order.  The order is just my own opinion on what I think would be most helpful.  Obviously many people will disagree with these steps, or the order, or that crossdressing even needs to be stopped.  But for those that do want to stop crossdressing, I hope this can be somewhat helpful for you.

It can take a long time to stop.  For myself, I was doing almost all of these things for about 10 years and it still took until last year for me to stop completely.  For me, I think primarily I was missing the belief that it was really possible to stop (Step #2).  I knew logically that it was possible, but it just seemed too unlikely until I found others online who had already given up crossdressing.  Then I was like, “hey if they can stop for good, I can too.”  It was like a light bulb turned on and stopping finally was attainable and I finally stopped crossdressing for good.


1. Desire to stop crossdressing. 

The first step obviously is that you have to actually want to stop crossdressing.  Maybe you think crossdressing is sinful and so you want to stop.  Maybe you think its destructive in your life and so you want to stop.  Maybe its harming your marriage and so you want to stop.  Maybe you are just afraid of the reality of getting caught.  But whatever the case may be, the first step has to be some desire to stop.    If you aren’t to that point yet, consider reading these posts.

Summary of why crossdressing is sinful/harmful
How sexual addiction destroys our lives
Deuteronomy 22:5.
Crossdressing is like Pornography.
Crossdressing is about Envy.
Article about Sexual Sin.
How do we know what is true? Is crossdressing sinful?
But I was born with these desires.
Crossdressing can become idolatry
1 Corinthians 11:2-16 Prohibits crossdressing
The Myth of “Choosing to be yourself.”
Guilt is an achievement!

You can also read some of my “progress report” posts to see why I stopped crossdressing and how much better I feel now.  Just go to my category selection and click on “progress reports.”    Here a couple posts by a friend about why he stopped.
Why I don’t anymore
Ironing it out


2.  Believe that it is possible to stop crossdressing.

Make yourself inundated with the truth about crossdressing and the ability to stop it by reading through the posts on my website, as well as the posts on the fellow fighters’ websites that I have links to on my homepage.  Spend some hours reading.  Read and watch testimonies on my links page.  Most crossdressers are stuck in the belief that it is impossible to stop crossdressing and are stuck in the self-deception of crossdressing.  Read some new perspectives from these websites.

Can God deliver me from crossdressing?
I quit crossdressing and I am happy!
Change is Possible!
Healing is Possible


3.  Decide to stop crossdressing.

Following this desire to stop crossdressing and the belief that it is possible, make a firm decision for yourself that you are going to fight to stop crossdressing and get it out of your life.  Make this a clear firm moment in your life and maybe even write down the date.  We always have the freewill to make such a decision.  See my post – You have a choice!  After you make the decision, make a plan of attack for yourself.  Don’t leave things up to chance.  Change your old habits.  Make a detailed strategy and plan to fight crossdressing.


4.  Pray.

If you are not a Christian, I think figuring out what you believe about the meaning of life, what you believe about God, is far more important than anything to do with crossdressing.  It’s more important that you think about life and death and why we exist than to read my website.  But for help in thinking this through, you could read – My Perspective.

For those who already have a relationship with Jesus, prayer is vital.  There are few components to this.  1.  Prayer of confession and repentance and asking God’s forgiveness for past crossdressing and related sins.   2.  Prayers of thanksgiving for forgiveness, salvation, and God’s love.   3.  Prayer to ask God for help to overcome the crossdressing addiction.  4.  Prayer as just talking to God, growing in your relationship with him.  Praise him, thank him, worship him, talk to him.  Become more intimate and purposeful in your relationship with God.  Continue with this step until you die :)


5.  Read, study, and memorize Scripture.

Delve into Scripture, the Bible, God’s Word.  Fill your mind with truth.  Fill your mind with God’s promises of forgiveness and grace.  Fill your mind with God’s promises of him giving us the power to resist sin.  Learn about God.  Read about Jesus’ life.  Grow in your relationship with him.  Follow the Bible’s instruction about how to life a full, joyful, fulfilling, fruitful life as God intended.  Continue with this step until you die as well.   It would be helpful to read some of the “Helpful Bible Verses” posts I have done.  These posts explain some good passages for you to begin with.  I also have some posts on specific Bible passages.  On my sidebar go to the “Bible” category to find all of these posts.


6.  Get rid of temptations.

Giving up crossdressing will be extremely difficult at first.  To help ourselves as much as possible we need to try to lessen the amount of triggers and temptations in our lives.  One obvious first step is getting rid of any secret stash of clothing right away.  Take it to Goodwill and be done with it.  There is no reason for you to keep it.  If you think you might go back to crossdressing someday and therefore it would be a waste to get rid of the clothes, then, (in my opinion), you really haven’t committed to stopping yet.  You need to go back to some of the first few steps again.

If the internet is a problem for you, consider getting an internet filter.  If your wife’s clothing being left out is a problem for you, consider telling her what she can to help you better.  Don’t do things that are technically “okay” if they will trigger your addiction.  For me that meant little things like not wearing an apron – I Won’t Put on that Apron.
Be wise about how you take trips – Ideas for Successful trips.
Grow a beard so that crossdressing will be less satisfying and easy.  (Plus this also might help you to feel more like a man again) –  Virtues of a beard.

Be careful about being alone so much of the time.  Get around other people.  Spend more time with friends or outside hobbies.  See this friend’s post – Home Alone.  Fill your time with something different things – Get a Hobby.
I think it is important to stop crossdressing cold turkey rather than through gradual lessening of crossdressing in the attempt to lessen the desires and temptations.  See my post –  unconditioning.  However, there are other forms of conditioning/unconditioning, mostly done with counselors, that could be helpful in stopping crossdressing.  My friend’s post here briefly talks about this and has many links for further information about these techniques –  The rejection cycle.

Consider fasting – Fasting can be a good recovery tool.

Don’t expect it to be easy to heal from this addiction.  Don’t expect it to be easy to reduce the temptations.  You would put a lot of time into learning a language or an instrument.  You would put a lot of effort into getting rid of a drug addiction.  Why expect this to be different?
Read – No more half measures.


7. Dealing with temptations that come

It’s one thing to get rid of as many temptations as we can.  But what do we do when temptations do make it through to us?  What can we do when we suddenly have a strong desire to put on our wife’s sexy black high heels or really want to read the latest crossdressing fiction story online?  We have to be ready to deal with the temptations and desires we will inevitably still experience.  Here are a few ideas.

First of all, stick to your commitment not to give in to crossdressing at all.  And I would add, do not to let yourself fantasize about crossdressing at all.  You don’t need to kick yourself for having a crossdressing thought come into your mind.  But don’t let yourself dwell in pleasurable crossdressing fantasies.  If you want to really successfully stop crossdressing and find healing from it, you have to fight these fantasies as well.  Fantasizing about it only adds more power to it, and you’ll probably eventually manifest the fantasies through concrete actions of crossdressing.  (Not to mention God cares about what goes on in our hearts and minds beyond just what we do).

But this is not to say we should suppress our crossdressing desires.  When they come we should acknowledge them and deal with them.  Trying to ignore them or bury them will probably either just cause them to bubble forth like a volcano at some later point, or cause you mental anguish.  It’s important we be honest with ourselves about the thoughts that come into our minds, but then deal with them without burying them.  See a friend’s post about suppression here – Suppression.  Try the Rain approach to temptation – Don’t Suppress your desires.

Learn how to fight against Satan’s temptations – How Satan tempts us to crossdress.

Something I’ve found most helpful is telling myself affirmations of truth during times of temptation.  I break through the crossdressing rationalizations and lies by reminding myself, “I don’t really want to crossdress.”  “I don’t want to sin because I love God and am thankful for his forgiveness.”  “I always feel stupid after crossdressing.”  See a more full description of this here – Importance of Affirmations.

I also have found distractions to be helpful during times of temptations.  The sexual power of crossdressing temptations often makes me lose my head.  But if I do something else briefly, rational thinking returns and the strong temptation subsides.  For me playing an engaging video game helps a lot.  For others it could be playing an instrument, taking a walk, working out, etc.  See my post – Video games are helpful.  See also this post – Get a Hobby.

It also helps to have some way to get rid of sexual build up and tension.  For those of us who are married, finding ways to have more sexual or just physical time with our wife can be very helpful.  And if you’ve opened up to her about your fight against your crossdressing addiction, she may be more willing to help you out with more sexual time together.  Another way to release the sexual tension is to use masturbation as a crutch.  But you have to be careful with this one.  For many crossdressers it might be nearly impossible to masturbate while thinking about anything other than crossdressing.  If this is the case, you may have to avoid masturbation altogether.  But for me, I found it very helpful to give up crossdressing and increase my desire for my wife by thinking about her while masturbating.  It took discipline.  But releasing that sexual tension at times was very helpful when tempted.  You can read more about the thorny issue of masturbation – here.


8. Get some accountability.

Realize that you probably are not going to be successful doing this alone.  Find others in your life to support you, some for indirect support, and some people for direct support who know about your crossdressing struggle.  Part of this support could be going to church.  It could be finding a specific church small group to admit your struggle to.  It could be joining a sex addicts anonymous group.   – Sex Addicts Anonymous’s Twelve Steps

It could include telling a couple close friends about your addiction and getting their encouragement and accountability.  It could involve telling your wife.  Telling close friends and my wife was immensely helpful to me.  We all need people to confess our sins to because when we confess to someone, temptations lose their power over us.  We need people to ask us regularly how we are doing.  We need people who will stick by us through thick and thin.  We need people who will encourage us.  We need people who will celebrate with us when we are successful at beating crossdressing, and people who will help pick us back up and remind us of God’s grace at times that we fail.   We need to commit to telling the truth if we are going to be successful.  See my post on telling the truth about our crossdressing to others – Telling the truth.
Also, see my friend’s post about this – Truth and Honesty.

I’d highly encourage you to tell your wife about your crossdressing struggle.  Being a woman, and being in such an intimate relationship with you puts her in a unique position.  Just telling her will help you, even though it could be very painful for both of you at first.  But the truth may just set you both free.  Having your wife know brings a reality check to your actions that is hard to match.  She can help you realize the foolishness of what you were doing and encourage you in your new fight against it.  She can help you think through your own personality and struggle with crossdressing.  I also think this kind of honesty is terribly vital for such an important and intimate relationship like marriage.  Crossdressing is something that has shaped your entire life, and it would help her to understand you better to know about it.

You also might want to consider confessing sins of crossdressing to your wife, sister, mother, or others in your life that you might have confused or hurt by your crossdressing, as well as asking them for forgiveness.  Last, I have an email prayer list I’ve created for those of us who are fighting and struggling together or have a heart to pray for those who are struggling.  It’s a great way to receive prayer and help from others who are also fighting crossdressing – Email Prayer Chain.


9.  Find a valuable purpose in life and positive ways to use your energy

I think a lot of us can’t seem to give up our struggle with crossdressing we don’t take life very seriously.  We don’t get much fulfillment out of other things in life.  We are just ticking the time away, not working hard at our jobs, not finding ways to contribute to the world and help other people.  We have no ultimate purpose in life, such as the purpose of loving God, living for him, and loving other people because of God’s love for us.  If life is pretty meaningless for you, and nothing really stretches you, or gives you joy and fulfillment, then of course you’d keep turning back to crossdressing or pornography for fleeting pleasures.  So my first piece of advice here again is to find your ultimate purpose and meaning in life in God.  And then figure out what his specific purpose is for you in your life.  What has he created you to do?  How can he use you to impact the world and make it a better place in some small but meaningful ways?  Consider reading “The Purpose Driven Life.”

Besides just finding a purpose in life, we need positive ways to use our energy.  Volunteering, helping people out, fun hobbies, and getting involved in church are just a few ways to learn how to spend our time differently.  Instead of spending all of our free time hiding in closets in our wives’ clothes, we can do things that have value, and things that help others.  Try something new.  Read some good books.  Stretch yourself out of your comfort zone.  Find some adventure in life beyond crossdressing.

I also include in this step rediscovering who we are as men.  Start letting your male traits out.  Enjoy being a man.  Have your wife affirm your manhood.  Upgrade your male wardrobe.  Enjoy taking care of your appearance as a man.  Enjoy looking good as a man.  Randall Wayne has wrote some on this.  Our perspectives might be slightly different, but he’s got a lot of good stuff to say in his testimony – here.

Find out what the Bible says about true manhood and personhood.  Many of the stereotypes about masculinity and femininity in our culture are at best stifling, and at worst destructive, and may even have contributed to our developing desires for crossdressing.  Learn to integrate the contrasting aspects of your personality that were divided into your male self and crossdressing self.  Be a whole complete human being.  Those aspects of your personality that you stifled in order to be a man of our culture, and which came out in your crossdressing times, integrate them into your real self.  My friends have some helpful thoughtful posts along these lines.
Underlying feelings wants needs
In search of unification
Contrasting Aspects

Last, a little tidbit.  Take your desire for female beauty and interest in fashion and point it towards your girlfriend or wife.  Talk to her about fashion and what you find beautiful. Go shopping with her and help her find things that look good on her.  You can enjoy the female clothes in the way they were supposed to be enjoyed by you, that is, on your wife or girlfriend.  This way you can utilize your healthy attention to female beauty in a healthy non-deceitful way.  A friend has a helpful post on this.
Insights from Outlets


10. Make peace with the reality that the temptations might never go away.

Like most temptations to sin, the reality is that the temptations might never completely go away.  This is just the reality and should not make us depressed.  Treat crossdressing like an addiction.  An alcoholic might always have certain small desires to drink, but they continue to resist the rest of their life.  Similarly, we might desire it at times for the rest of our lives, but we can still resist.  And we can still lead a healthy fulfilling life.  To read more about this, please read my post – Healing doesn’t mean no more temptations.

But don’t focus so much on the future,  just to take things one day at a time.  The day’s problems and temptations are enough to worry about.

I would like to encourage you though that it is of course possible for your crossdressing desires to completely go away.  Each person is different and there are some who seem to have no more temptations.   For me, my crossdressing desires are largely nonexistent these days.  Once in a while, rarely, I’ll have some crossdressing temptations, but they’ve become easy to resist.  I think that for any of us who stop crossdressing, after the first really hard withdrawal period, the crossdressing temptations slowly start to lessen in strength.  For more about my experience with lessening temptations, you can read my “progress reports.”


11.  Deal with failure in a healthy way.

If you fail, spend time confessing to God and enjoying his forgiveness, and then get going again in your fight against crossdressing.  Don’t let Satan use your failure for evil.  Satan hits us hard in our failures.  He loves to make us wallow in condemnation, thinking we aren’t good enough to be forgiven by God.  It’s true we aren’t good enough, but God forgives us because of his merciful and loving nature, not because we deserve forgiveness.  And Satan also likes to use failure to make us think we have no power over sin and so we might as well give up.  But God promises us that he has given us the power to resist any temptation that comes our way.  See my post – Healing doesn’t mean no more temptations.

Satan also likes to encourage us to conquer sin using our own strength.  This only leads to failure or pride.  The true way to fight sin, is to find joy in God’s forgiveness, and be transformed by that forgiveness and grace.  Then we fight sin, not for our own pride, not using our own strength, but we do it with God’s strength.  We fight sin out of thanksgiving for God’s grace, not in order to earn God’s grace.  Keep going back to God’s forgiveness and grace.  It should be the motivation for all the good that we do.  We aren’t trying to earn anything.
See how I dealt with a depressing failure here – Progress Report 1-30-13 – How I successfully fought temptation…but then failed.


12.  Try to understand yourself more deeply.

I’m convinced that an important part of the healing process from crossdressing, is trying to understand ourselves more deeply.  Rather than just stopping crossdressing and leaving it in the past, we should spend some time researching, studying, and thinking about what caused us to develop the crossdressing desires we have.  But be careful about doing this.  Wait until you’ve successfully stopped crossdressing for a while, otherwise studying it and thinking about it could cause you to stumble.

When you are in a safe place in your journey of giving up crossdressing ask yourself these questions.  What emotions and thoughts were going on behind the actions and behind the temptations?  Think about how crossdressing has shaped your personality both positively and negatively.  How did God use this part of your past for good, or how will he use it for good?  Think through gender issues.  Think through personality issues.  Think through the ways crossdressing has affected your life.  You could also consider seeing a counselor to help you work through these issues, but realize you may know far more about crossdressing and its effects than your counselor.  It’s a subject that hasn’t been studied enough.  Further, many counselors seem to think its harmless and don’t realize how destructive it can be.

On my site and the sites of my fellow fighters, there are plenty of thoughtful posts that think through these types of questions.  I won’t link to all of them because I could link to dozens from each site.  But here is a friend’s post about this process itself of discovery and understanding ourselves.
A narrow way

You can start working through my full blog post list – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/

Conclusion – I hope these steps have been helpful to you.  There’s obviously much more that could be said.  But this is a beginning.  Feel free to contact me.  Let me know if you would like prayer.  Friendly criticisms and disagreements are accepted as well.  If I’ve overlooked a post on your website that would be helpful to link to, please don’t take offense.  I linked to these ones because they are ones I remembered.  If you have others to suggest please tell me and I can always add them if I find them helpful.  Thank you for reading.

106 comments on “12 Steps to Stop Crossdressing

  1. ikthys says:

    Great job! A list like this is more valuable than I can express. Have you considered the possiblity of writing THE book on overcoming crossdressing from a Christian perspective? I sometimes think about it, then am too scared to publicize myself like that (as you know I still use my false (not female, though) name). The only thing I would emphasize more is the openness/confession with one’s SO (though you certainly have done well at incorporating it here and there). The single most liberating experience for me is always the brutally honest conversations that I have with my wife about my issues (and hers). It is no easy road, but the payoff is tremendous. Thanks again for all your work on this! I pray millions of men find their way to this.


  2. Jared says:

    Great post! This will help a lot of people Thorin.

    ikthys, I understand your point about not wanting to be publicized. But……

    “Fears are nothing more than a state of mind”. Napoleon Hill

    I would be willing to put myself out there publicly because I believe it’s what the crossdressing community needs. Everything is pro-crossdressing, and we need to start changing this.

    I have considered writing one also. I don’t feel comfortable doing it at this point simply because I still struggle sometimes with it, and I haven’t quite figured out my motives at this point.

    I do think we have some pieces to the puzzle, so we’re getting closer and closer.

    Perhaps just documenting the struggle and informing people that life is better without might provide a lot of value in itself.

    The are no books out there right now that are anti-cross dressing, and I think it’s sorely needed. It will at least make people re-think their stance on the matter.


  3. thorin25 says:

    Thank you for the comments guys (and for your good posts)! I have read books that talk about crossdressing being sinful and deceptive, but really they only mentioned it in passing. They were written by people who don’t really understand it and cast it off as sinful I think just for the sole fact that it seems weird and disturbing and wrong to them. So in the end those types of books aren’t terribly helpful for crossdressers. So yes a book from our common perspective may be very helpful.

    I am not in a position to write one right now. First, I’m not ready to go public yet, but may do so at some point in the future. Second, if I was going to write a published book, I’d want to wait until I’ve been pure and free from this for years, rather than less than 1 year. And third, I think many if not most men who struggle with this would not take the risk of going to the library to get such a book or ordering it online even. It’s so much easier for them to read things online and delete their history, rather than taking the risk with a physical book. So, perhaps our blogs are the best medium after all.

    Maybe we should just all keep writing together on our sites and helping each other and teaching each other, and then in 5 years we can get together and write a book with combined authorship :)

    I’ll take a look at where I can include more about telling a spouse and add something more in to this post. Thanks guys!


  4. thorin25 says:

    ikthys I added a paragraph about that in the accountability section. Does that get at what you were saying?


  5. Marky says:

    Thorin. An outstanding piece of penmanship. Well done. I may be wrong but I don’t think that there is another single document on the web that tackles the issue as coherently. A CD cannot come away from reading this document saying ” I don’t know what to do, in order to stop”! We will all agree that the words have to be put into action and one size doesn’t fit all but the message is clear – If you are determined and you want rid of the junk in your life, this ‘condition’ can be controlled and maybe even eradicated in time. It requires determination, application of strategy, careful management of the mind – and a belief that actually – you don’t have to accept the status quo. However most importantly is to never lose sight of God’s forgiveness – this battle is bigger than us. We are entrusted to attempt to hold some ground maybe even take out a few enemy fire positions but ultimately God knows that we are humans and we err and he dusts us down ‘gives us a hug’ but expects us to get back on with the business of trusting in him and fighting our small corner while he works out the rest – so we are never to lose hope- His mercies are renewed daily.


  6. Actually there is another site called stopcrossdressing.com, But both this site and that however are misleading and flaweed in their approach. Crossdressing is derived more times than not from a biological condition. That doesn’t mean that people can’t stop crossdressing, but it does mean that those who want to stop need first fully understand what the internal motivator that drives their desire is. Most crossdressers continue to push the boundaries of their crossdressing experiences to get to answers of questions they can’t quite comprehend. Without fully knowing where their desire comes from, you can cease doing anything if you have the will, but you will internally suffer. And in response to that pain either return to crossdressing, again looking for answers, or suppress it deep. The latter will unconsciously frustrate one and manifest in many ways: anger, frustration, depression, and a short-temper — to name a few. I know because I went through it. People who suppress feelings cut themselves off from the world, deny the truths about themselves, and adopt a false smile to satisfy the masses, and indirectly, themselves. If someone wants to stop crossdressing, they need to explore their crossdressing, but to so in an investigative way and understand it first. I’ve written extensively on the matter. Once they know where the desires stem from, and get the answers to other related questions, then they can potentially make the decision to quite. But keep in mind that the internal desire never goes away. It is only in knowing where it comes from and why that one can maintain the course they choose. The idea of just quitting because of scripture is misleading, and will cause more harm than good in the long-run.


  7. thorin25 says:

    Hi Brianna, thanks for being willing to be honest in your disagreement. Do you have any articles or links to back up the claim that crossdressing is derived from a biological condition?

    Even if that was the case, my position would remain unchanged. See my post “but I was born with these desires.” But it would be interesting to know more about where you are coming from.

    I think you’ll find on my site and on the sites of my friends who I have links to, that we aren’t just trying to stop without thinking through the motivations and reasons of why we wanted to crossdress in the first place. We believe that it is very important to understand those internal needs and desires. If we don’t understand those needs (mean of them healthy needs), we won’t get them met in healthy ways, and we will be possible drawn back to crossdressing in the future. I’m not at all advocating suppression of the desires, as I’ve stated in this very post.

    Your dogmatic statement “the internal desire never goes away” is a bit of a stretch. Peoples’ desires for things change all the time. We are not static. I’ve written that of course it’s possible our crossdressing desires will never go away, and I would guess they will never completely go away for me. But to say that never happens for anybody is a stretch.

    I’ll check out your site, thanks for the comment


  8. mononaurus says:

    Thank you very much. I am struggling with my porn addiction and homosexual/transgender
    porn addiction. I am happy that I at least am not into sado/maso porn anymore that started during young age as fantasies in my head.


  9. thorin25 says:

    Hello mononaurus, glad you found your way to my site. Take a look at the page of my blog called, “email prayer chain.” We might be of some help for you. Keep reading and feel free to give other comments or questions.


  10. joanna says:

    Complete malarky….I’m sorry to say. I a a 50 year old gender disphoric and practicing catholic who tried all of this and more in an attempt to “cure” myself. At age 45 I accepted myself for who I am and am far happier than I’ve ever been. You bible thumpers who think dressing is sinful make me laugh now. Keep praying the gay away….


  11. joanna says:

    As far as desire going away? Also wrong if you are transgender. Its always been there and always will for me. If you are just advising guys who masturbate in their wive’s underwear then yes you can stop. Please don’t make sweeping statements for everyone…..


  12. Dramaking55 says:

    I think you have mistaken the whole intent of this post. We are here on this blog for the purpose of stopping the sin of crossdressing. I am sorry that you don’t think it is wrong but unlike the political correctness that is rampant in our society today I am vehemently opposed to crossdressing because I have come through it. I have seen it all first hand and I have the wreckage in my life to prove it.
    The idea that I can do this would be in my estimation a flawed concept in that I have learned that I can do nothing without Christ. PERIOD So, to say that it is malarky is strictly a baseless opinion and though welcome as free-speech I would like to you to prove to me how it is malarky in reality. You claim to be a catholic but are you a Christ follower? I and the men who are a part of this recovery group are hardly bible thumpers (whatever that really means.) we love you as a child of the Most High but to affirm this as anything normative would go against the very point of being here in recovery. Read a little of the many posts and comments see that we are not here to condemn you or anyone else but we do maintain that we have the right and backing of scripture to back-up everything that is said. Take some time from condemnation of anything that might suppose that there is a better way to live than the one that you happpen to claim happiness with. I am 58 and tried hard to accept myself as you did because of one thing and one thing only. That the crossdressing lifestyle is completely anti-antithetical to God and what he wants for our lives. I chose my relationship with Him to be stronger than any compulsion to “dress”. There is nothing that you have done or thought of that I haven’t been in that same place so believe me when I tell you that if you truly search your heart and soul, you cannot reconcile that life against having a personal relationship with our Lord.



  13. Ralph says:

    Yeah, what Andrew said. Joanna, if you’re not troubled by how crossdressing affects your life and how it relates to God’s desire, this site is not for you. Thorin et al are extremely understanding, having been through it themselves, and they are here entirely for the purpose of helping people who share their belief that it is a sin and something to be freed from.

    I do not share all of Thorin’s thoughts on the subject; I’m a largely unrepentant crossdresser but I’m here because it helps me keep what I do from taking over my life and ruining others’ lives. Yet despite that, there is no condemnation or judgement on Thorin’s part and I have always been made welcome to share my (often contrary) thoughts with the group here.

    You mention that you are a practicing Catholic. I’m genuinely curious — and again, my viewpoint differs quite a bit from Thorin’s — how you reconcile that with Deuteronomy 22:5?


  14. Joanna says:

    You guys actually think that God made me gender disphoric from birth and now thinks that I am sinning?? you guys dont get it, I am not addicted to crossdressing but am instead a borderline transsexual. You need to make a distinction on this site between the sexual addiction of crossdressing for normal males versus crossdressing for transgender or transsexual people for whom Its part of their identity. I have felt female from the age of 3 and now use cross dressing as a way to NOT transition. A young trans person stumblng on this site would be really really confused (as I was once on of those) and would be distraught to read what you guys post here.
    Also understand that I am Catholic and attend Mass every Sunday but dont hang on Old Testament text to tell me the word of God – that’s for born again Christian literalists. God has made all kinds of people on this earth: Gay, Lesbian, transgender, etc and I’m sorry but they’re ot going to hell for something that is not their fault!

    I agree with you that if your crossdressing causes you grief and pain in your life then yes fine you need to fix yourself but for this of us who use it as a lifeline this site is no help at all.

    But the only issue I have with the site is that it needs to better explain the distinction between dressing for identity and dressng for sexual addiction which can lead to mental anguish and trauma and right now I dont think it does.

    I am all about helping young gender disphorics like me cope with their struggles and site like this one confused the heck out of me when I was younger.

    Peace to all of you by the way!


  15. Joanna says:

    my sister is in the Opus Dei which is a pretty right wing orthodox organisation and even she does not think I am sinning by using crossdressing to manage my gender disphoria. I am really sorry for young people who accidenally stumble upon this site and hate themselves for failiing to measure up. I suppose you also think you can pray away your being gay?? oi vey!!


  16. Joanna says:

    Andrew it left your life in wreckage? my life was a wreck as I held my breath for decades and only dressed once or twice a year until I had a stroke at age 45. I went to the hospital where I was diagnosed with gender disphoria and I had to find a way to live my life without transitioning. Why? because I have two teens who depend on me. The only thing that keeps me from transitioning into a female? my crossdressing. I have done everything in my 50 years – praying, gender therapy, spiritual therapy, you name it. I am now at peace with my God and happier than I have ever been because I can accept myself for who I am. So I just want to say that the sweeping statement “crossdressing is sinful” is completely and utterly wrong for some of us. If it is for you then fine.

    Maybe you’ve never lived through the pressure of thinking you might be transsexual? well believe me its no picnic…

    I wont be visiting the site any longer but just needed to vent my thoughts…



  17. Micah says:


    I think the underlying problem that people in addictions (including me) have to come to terms with is that God did not create us just so we can be happy. It is very flawed to say “God made me this way so how is it sinning?” but the reality is we are living in a fallen world that has tainted everything. Death was not even part of the original creation design, yet it exists today because Adam fell. Simply because a desire is very strong and seemingly impossible to get rid of does not justify the desire. Otherwise we tread on very dangerous ground because we would have to apply that same thinking to others such as child abusers, murders, and so on. Many of these types of people are also acting out on very strong innate desires but doesn’t mean it is right. The common philosophy of today is that God wants me to be happy which is not the purpose of our existence at all. We assume that if we have struggles or problems that it’s God’s fault (He designed us this way) when in reality it is Satan taking advantage of a fallen world. Look at any of the characters in the Bible and tell me how many of them had an awesome life. They all went through crazy trials and hardships and yet we think we shouldn’t have to? So to summarize, our happiness does not equal God’s will or design. It could just very well mean we are just giving up and if we can’t beat it then it must be ok.

    – Micah


  18. Dramaking55 says:

    So if I am understanding you then because you don’t wish to hear what others might say based on their studies or life experience then you are out of here? I do not believe that anyone here has ever done anything other than say that for myself I must consider Cd a sin. That is just stating a fact of life, it is a sin as any sin does not meet the standard that God calls me to. It wouldn’t matter what the sin is, all sin is against God and goes against what he wants for us. I am glad you are at peace and I am also at peace but I have reservations in accepting that anyone doing something that God wouldn’t want for us can truly have peace. If you have peace then why are you on a site that has as it’s premise that there is healing from crossdressing. You are the only one that chooses how you want to live. My heart breaks for GID people and I hurt for them because I know what a struggle it is. The world is telling you yes this is who you are or you need to be at peace with your inner self but are you really giving God the credit for who you are? He knew you in your mother’s womb, he put you together, all your cells and your DNA, he knows every hair on your head and He made you perfectly but you and every other trans person honestly believes that they were born that way. Here is a thought, how is that working for ya? If it is, then you must also allow for a God that makes mistakes and frankly that would be pretty arrogant to say the least. God don’t make no junk but we are who and what we are today because of nothing more than the series of choices we have made. My choice is to trust that God knows far better what I need than I in my simple mind do. By buying the lie that God blew it when He created me and then changing His design, we are changing what God made us to be and yes He may have given me urges but it doesn’t mean that I have to act on them. When I do, it is by my choice that I do. We have been given great gifts and the hardest part of having gifts is figuring out how to best use those gifts to glorify God by what we do. So, do I really want to dedicate my life to a God that I could figure out? Not me and most likely not you. Think about this, there will be no sexual relations in heaven, why? Because we won’t need to. I think that when we are in heaven we will have perfect intimacy as persons so there will be no need for gender but till that time we will struggle whether young or old with our gender issues.
    All of these premises are based on the desire to know God in a real and vibrant way. And this is all I am trying to do. Did God in HIS wisdom allow me and even you to struggle with our gender issues so that we would, like the prodigal come back home? That answer is well above my pay grade but it is something to think and pray about. I don’t think that society has done us any favors in all the affirmation and the sweeping statements given that completely X God out of everything which would include creating doubt about what and who we are and were created to be. I know that is what I have done in the past and it sounds like you drank the “kool aid” as well. “I Never Promised You a Rose Garden” is just a song, it is not biblical. We are going to struggle with this and many other issues till we leave this earth. Here is a thought for you:
    How many counselors does it take to change a light bulb?
    Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change!
    There are numerous articles and a lot of great information on this site that will assist in the fight you have been in and believe me it is a fight that will take everything you have but it is worth all the scratching and clawing that you are willing to do. Jo if I had the chance to know you as a child with the doubts and fears that you had as a kid I would have loved you and prayed for you and shown you that fear is what we get when we don’t trust God. I just know that I would have loved to gone back to my child and comforted him back then and tell him to fear not because I am here for you and I have the greatest friend ever, Jesus.
    I don’t have any simplistic answers Jo and if you leave, then you leave but before you go take advantage of all this site has to offer and don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.
    I wish you all the peace God wants for you


  19. Dramaking55 says:

    You have made some really good points. I hope you go through the whole blog and all that is offered here for recovery. Please take advantage of the prayer chain so that we can all get to know you better and pray for you as you fight the good fight.

    Blessings brother



  20. Michael26 says:

    Micah, thank you for your awe-inspiring words! Thank you! <3 . . . the Holy Spirit was really speaking SO beautifully through you : )


  21. Michael26 says:

    To Jo: I assure you, dearly, no one here wishes to place any form of a “guilt-trip” on you. We’re TRULY concerned with all of our hearts for you. I don’t know about Andrew or Micah, but I’ve had some VERY serious Transsexual desires that I swore with all of my being “WAS ME”. . . but I was personally proved wrong. And it took a long time for me to accept that I was wrong. I fought others and lashed out at them, and I was deceived into believing “this is who I really am”, and I NEVER believed that there could be light at the end of the tunnel of seeing that I am a man… but God enabled me to see “that which is unseen”, even when I never thought it could be seen or He would be able to give me a desire to be the man that I am. And I still struggle with the desires to “play the woman”.

    When I mentioned I was proved to be “wrong”, it wasn’t merely because somebody or someone or God was trying to simply say “You’re wrong”. It was because Jesus was holding my hand, and pleading with me because He knows me more than anyone ever could. His Love and care was and always will be undescribably beautiful! He was pleading with me, so lovingly and tenderly, – while still acknowledging my own fragility – to tell me, I was tearing my life to pieces by trying to fulfill my true, life-long desires through something that wasn’t intended for me. He’ll reveal to us how to develop, display and express our true desires to others and to Him in the most healthy, special, and a very vulnerable way to those that are truly safe to share those things with!

    We can be men that are gentle, tender, affectionate, truly loving and “touchy-feelie” without “being the woman”. Our world has this very sick and utterly perverted perception of what it means to be a man. In our world, we’re taught that we’re not meant to show love and any other emotion. And that we’re basically stupid, *&^holes! And we’re even encouraged by our society that being an *&^hole is “good” or “This is simply what men do”! It’s all an insidious lie!!!

    Believe me, we all need to know who we are, and to know where we belong. We need to understand and know how we can identity with who we are! But we’ll be all VERY, VERY sadly disappointed by following after something other than what God truly desires for us!

    My most sincere desire would be for you to be free from all of the confusion and simply breathe a sigh of relief from all of this and know that you are truly beautiful the way God made you through Him, without having to externally adorn yourself to see a beauty that won’t fulfill.

    My <3 goes out to you, Jo!!


  22. thorin25 says:

    Thank you all for the comments, and what seems to be pretty good dialogue. I’ve been away from the blog for a while, so just am checking in now. Joanna, I do make many distinctions between dressing for sexual pleasure and dressing for identity. But in some posts I refer to both kinds at once, as I think there are many similarities between the two. If you read more of my posts, you will see that I do recognize differences.


  23. Don says:

    I totally agree with your twelve steps. I did all of them but what made the difference is taking a drug that reduced my sex drive. Not to the point that I am not a man, but just enough to give me the ability to say no.


  24. thorin25 says:

    what drug out of curiosity? Did you try it on your own or counselors recommendation?


  25. Don says:

    Thank you for your interest.

    I had the disease (crossdressing) so bad that I decided to live full time as a woman and transition, so I was taking estrogen patches and Spironolactone under the supervision of a supportive doctor. After 3 months I lost all desire to crossdress due to the medication. Although I had no trouble going out as Donna and did what I always wanted to do for a short time, the thrill was gone and the losses in my life were mounting. The drugs had caused my T to go down to extremly low levels.

    To me this meant that I was not a transsexual, but it was the sexual desire, no matter how subtle it was that was driving me. I never was that much turned on by CD but always had that super pleasant feeling and exileration that we all know about. That just meant for me, the desire to want to be a woman was tied to the my abilily to get sexually excited.

    This was the third time this happened to me at various times in my life and under slightly different conditions. That’s when I decided to stop the estrogen but continue the Spiro.

    I had a lot of resistance from my wife (who wanted me to keep my maleness) so I did a lot of research on it and was able to prove to her and two Christian councelors that this was the way to go.

    My belief just from what my body experiences and is verified by reading what Spiro does is interfere with certain androgen receptors, mainly in the brain. I always thought that I had too strong of a sex drive. I knew this because I needed to CD less when I was having sex more frequently with my wife.

    The Spiro does not reduce my testosterone level, which I also get blood test to monitor, so other physical charateristics are not affected, just mental ones. It also reduces my agressiveness also. I used to get angry maybe three times a year and have not been angry once since I have been taking the Spiro. Actually not much bothers me now, little things just roll off me now.

    The trick is to get the amount right, you don’t have to take much to have enough of a desired effect and actually I am attracted to women more now. Before it was for what they were wearing, now it’s a normal attraction. I can still enjoy sex with my wife.

    I think that this method would work well for transvestites but not for true transsexuals. There are plenty of MTF that take drugs for transition and continue, but then also there are those that don’t stop transitioning after they lose their sexual desires and then commit suicide because they get no benefit from what they did but have all the losses.

    I still believe that all the 12 steps to stop crossdressing are important. It’s just that with the medication it makes them so much more easy to do. To me 1 Corinthians 10:13 describes exactly this. God provided me a way of escape from temptation. Any after all those years of struggling I need to stay closer to God than ever and be so thankful that I had a way of escape.

    I still have all the temptations I always had. You don’t just stop liking the things you hold dear because of change in your sexual desire, but they are so much easier to resist. When ever I see something I would love to have, I am able to think about that in order for me to have it, I would have to be a woman and to be a woman I have to change my body to look more feminine and to do that I have to take medication. Then I realize, oh yes, I tried that and the desire went away. I would just repeat the whole thing again. That’s stops me from doing something about the desire and it’s not frustrating because I am avoiding a whole lot of trouble.

    I have never been more happy in my life because the contant daily, hourly, minute by minute tension and struggle is gone. It’s really a lot simpler than all the other methods that people try to change how they think and learn how to overcome.


  26. thorin25 says:

    Very interesting. It would be awesome if taking medication was never necessary, but in your case it seems to have been very helpful. Initially, to be honest, I’m thinking, “seriously, did this guy really need to take these meds to stop giving in to crossdressing?” But each crossdresser is different and has a different body, sex drive, reason for crossdressing, etc, and in your case the medication has really worked well. And maybe I shouldn’t be so skeptical of taking medication, even if we are an over-medicated society. I have relatives who are totally different people now, for the better, because of depression meds. We take medicine to heal ourselves when sick, or when at the hospital. Those aren’t bad things, so why should this be? So your story is very interesting and I appreciate you sharing it with us all. Perhaps it can really help some of the other crossdressers who need that help in giving up the addiction. I know for me, that medication was not necessary as I am living free from crossdressing, and also not wrestling all the time with temptation. But that doesn’t mean that some people wouldn’t need it because of the way they are wired differently than me.

    Some critics might say you shouldn’t have to take medication to give up something you want to do like crossdressing, and therefore they would say you are altering your body just because you can’t accept yourself and accept your crossdressing. But in reality, in cases like yours, you were taking meds either way, whether you wanted to go further with crossdressing or get it out of your life. And you found it made you much happier to get it out of your life.

    Anyway, thank you for your story, and keep in touch!


  27. Don says:

    Thank you Thorin for your kind reply. I would really like to help others who cannot stop. I’m sure you have seen this question before asked to crossdressers. “If you could take a pill to stop” would you?” For most, it is such a high high that they feel they are lucky to be CD’ers. I used to think that way until the consequences struck me. I almost lost my marriage, and I HAVE lost my two adult children who will not speak to me since the last time I went full time as a woman.

    We are all different. That’s great that you have been able to stop. How long has it been for you? There is a solution for everyone. The one great thing about what you are doing is that it also makes you a much better person. There are so many people that could benefit from your 12 steps even if they are not crossdressers. So many people go through life never examining themselves and what they do. They think they are OK and everyone else has faults. They don’t even know why they do things. Everybody just goes through life trying to have maximum fun!

    For me the medication was a must have. I am 67 years old and it was ruining my life. If the desire did not go away I would end up alone on my own for the rest of my life, when I had a wonderful wife who wants to be with me till the end, she just could not take living with a man that wanted to be a woman.

    I had tried to stop 3 times in my life, had 3 periods of 3 years of abstinencs, but I was struggling the whole time during those periods and eventually could not stop myself. I went through tons of money for counseling and time in SA groups to stop. It was not for just the thrill of crossdressing, All the dressing did was make me want it all the time, I wanted to live as a woman. This time it’s been 18 months and from day one until now, NO STRUGGLE.

    I am used to taking medications. I need to take antidepressants or I get so depressed that I feel like I am going to die, I take meds to keep my cholesterol in check, I had to have my thyroid removed so I take medication to replace the hormones that the thryroid made.

    There is nothing wrong with putting something in your body that is good for you. Our bodies, on their own, are not perfect, they have faults, just like a car burns oil or a machine needs fine tuning or you adjust the ingredients to make something taste better when cooking. If we can take things that adjust the chemical process so it works better, that’s what we should do.


  28. thorin25 says:

    I’m definitely not absolutely free from struggle, though I can say that 90% of my days are completely free from struggle with it. I have not crossdressed literally since the beginning of this blog – since September 2011. But I have crossdressed in my mind at times of weakness since then. Thanks again for your story. People need to hear these stories!


  29. Ralph says:

    Thorin, your comments about needing meds to stop crossdressing reminds me of a talk by a pastor friend on the subject of psychiatric counseling for a family broken by alcoholism. He said that yes, ideally we should trust in God and God alone to heal our brokenness… but carry that far enough and you end up also questioning the use of aspirin for a headache or surgery for appendicitis. So if the only way to heal this broken family is a shrink, he believes God put that psychiatrist and that family in touch with the purpose of bringing them back together, and he was fully in support of *whatever* means God chose to use to carry that out.


  30. Don says:

    Ralph, I agree. We should pray about what we are thinking of using to stop and ask is wether it is from God or from the devil? God never said he would take care of us if we did nothing but pray. We still have to make every effort to use what he has given us.


  31. Ralph says:

    Don, I’m sure you’ve heard the old joke about the guy stranded on his roof during a terrible flood. Some guys come by in a boat and offer to take him to safety but he confidently says “No need, God will save me.” Twice more rescuers approach with a boat and he waves them off, knowing full well that God will save him. By now the flood waters are up to his head and a helicopter hovers over with a ladder, but again he refuses because God will save him. Inevitably he drowns and when he gets to Heaven he confronts God: “Lord, I had complete faith right up to the end. Why didn’t you save me?” God replies: “I sent you three boats and a helicopter, and you rejected all the help I sent!”


  32. D says:

    My take as a life long x-dresser with borderline transexual tendencies is included somewhere in this messy reply but but with me.

    I won’t go too much into the genesis and history of my x-dressing, suffice to say that I began at 4 years of age and the conflict that has existed in both my head and my soul about who and what I am, and my place in the world has been brought about my transgendered desires.

    The major problem I always thought was how females would react to it. Being one of the apparent majority of heterosexual x-dressers along the TG spectrum I was fearful of how girls would react to me if they found me x-dressing, so I became quite shy around girls. So much so that I did not even kiss a girl until i was 20 years old.

    After a torrid teenage period where I kept my dressing secret from my family (very hard in a really large family), I moved out of home at 18 and began buying and dressing more and more.

    The problems continued – the desire to stop and to embrace my masculinity more was quite strong but so also was the female persona inside my soul.

    In my late 20’s, I accepted I was a x-dresser and thought that it was too bad for others who couldn’t accept it about me. I began to dress more and more, and would go out in public regularly.

    I was happy and conent, even without a girlfriend, wife or partner.

    However, the x-dressing compulsions and desires continued to pulse away and the desire to do it more and more often, and more and more completely continued. I began to look into SRS and HRT as a transexual, but always with the hope (forlorn) that I would find an understanding female partner.

    Then in my early 30’s I did something stupid and was accused of stealing women’s underwear from the clothesline next door, which I did not do.
    Going through the legal drama however was tough, when I knew I was innocent.

    Which gets me to stopping. Why did I finally decide to stop x-dressing.

    I took an inventory of all the pros and cons that x-dressing had brought to my life. To keep it quite succint, the cons far outweighed the pros and all the dramas and bad things in my life seemed to have been brought about as a direct result of my x-dressing. I could think of no positives that it had given me except for momentary periods of happiness or excitment – all of which I got from my footy club as well.

    I realised that i would never meet a girl who liked x-dressers because in general, females (straight, bi or gay) just don’t like us, or our habit, disease, affliction, penchant, desire, compulsion – call it what you may.

    Co-incidentally, I also watched A Beautiful Mind at the same time. The moment in the movie where Russel Crowe finally realises that the young girl he saw for years never got any older was an awakening for me. I decided to channel this belief as much as I could. My x-dressing was in my mind and if I could control my mind in a positive way, I could stop x-dressing.

    I purged everything and mentally decided that I would stop. Every time the compulsion entered my head, I was able to deny it or ignore it, much like John Nash did in the movie. I did this successfully for 6 months before I began to let the complusions back into my head and act on them again.

    Prayer helped because I believed it would, not that i am overly religious, and it will not help for everyone, especially non believers. They were not Christian prayers either btw.

    I look at Duteronomy 22:4 and wonder about the hypocrisy of it. If God created me as I am, and is going to punish me for being what he created, what chance have I got in life. See the fear and aguish that hypocrisy creates in a person??/ Madness

    However, I promised myself that I would not dress up again….ever! I would feed the desire though online chat rooms and even buying things from ebay but did not wear anything at all, not even panties, for nearly 10 years. I could control the behavour but could not control the desires.

    I eventually began to wear panties on an ad hoc basis a few years ago but not very often. I still fight the desires and the compulsions. I sadly have let whatever is in my head control me and my behaviour instead of the other way around, but I will not give up. I will continue to strive and fight and i will not succumb.

    I do not x-dress anymore and have not done so fully since October 17 2002.
    Apart from maybe 15 times in the past few years, I do not wear girls clothes at all, but I consider myself to be a x-dresser.

    So getting to the point about stopping and whether it is possible.

    As someone who has tried and been ‘reasonably’ successful in controlling the behaviour, I would say that once you are a x-dresser or transgendered, you will always be so inclined, however there is no reason not to seek to stop if you are serious about it.

    No-one needs to look at it as a sin, or as a bad thing. How others react to it is the issue.True transgendered people simply need to do it as opposed to wanting to do it. Whether Transgenderism is a result of a mis-timed inutero testosterone shot or some brain dysfunction, or some other crazy reason will never ever be fully discovered but how we deal with it on a moment by moment basis is entirely up to us.

    I stopped being committed to it because I let it get back into my head again after months of being a happy man without it. Once my life took a backward turn following a break up after iinitialy stopped x-dressing, my mind wanted some solcae. I needed my security blanket, so started to play with it again in my mind rather than ignore it, even though I was able to cease the behaviour.

    I didn’t x-dress for 10 years, but still considered myself a x-dresser. It is a lifelong thing.

    My advice for those who do wish to stop is to first accept that it will always be a part of you and requires management rather than a cure. There is no cure, however the behaviour can be mitigated to some extent if you are serious about stopping and if you are committed to it

    1/. Commit to it. Purge everything. Go cold turkey.
    2/. WAtch A Beautiful Mind. Get psychological strength from things like that. Realise that you DO have the mental power to control it IF you really want to.
    3/. Write a mantra where you can see it and adhere to it. Mine is “I will not succumb’. It is on my computer screen, and on my wall in my office.
    4/. Don’t feed the compulsion when it comes. Avoid those things that you know will trigger it. Avoid looking at TG websites or ebay shopping etc. Do your best to ignore it and to continue to ignore it on a moment by moment basis.
    5/. Pray if you want – whether to a God, or to the chandelier if you think doing that will take the compulsion away for that moment in time.
    6/. Occupy your mind and your time with other interests that will prevent the compulsion from taking hold when it does invade your mind.
    7/. Find another fetish if you use x-dressing to masturbate. THe danger of this is that one has the potential to feed another so be careful (personal experience)
    8/. Undergo hypnosis to re-channel the compulsion. Again, this may or may not be effective for you as it is a personal thing
    9/. Look at and follow a 12 Dimensional Shielding technique (look at it Youtube) to try and help keep the complusions from invading your mind in the first place. This is what I am currently doing
    10/. Re-commit to your commitment to stop x-dressing on a daily basis.
    11/. Stay strong and good luck.

    These things are no guarantee to stop x-dressing or to stop transgenderism if you are hard-wired that way. They are simply things I have used over my time to try and stop, control and manage my desires. I will not say they are perfect or that they will work for anyone or everyone. They are simply tips to try.

    Remember though, your power to control this is in your mind, regardless of where on the TG spectrum from fetishist x-dresser to fully fledged Transexual.

    I don’t expect that true TS’s would have read this far so I hope I haven’t offended anyone. I do realise that there are some people who just will not be able to stop, and that there are many others who simply don’t want to. I have no comments on any group of people. My writings are really only pointers to give some of those who DO want to stop a starting place.



  33. Don says:

    I agree with you that we will always be inclined to crossdress.

    Here is some logic that I would like to present. The vast majority of CDers are autogynephilic. The reasons is because we are men and men are naturally atracted to females. Most of us discovered a long time ago before our sexual erotic target was developed that we could have the exact girl we want by making her ourselves.

    That developed an imprint in that area of our brain which is for the purpose of erotic attraction. You can never get rid of it, but you can try to find some method of thinking to counter-act the feeling with another feeling that directs you not to act. Not just logic but a feeling that will stop you.

    We developed that erotic feeling and no woman can be like the woman that we dress and love. A normal woman would never agree to look exactly like we want her to whenever we want to. If there was such a woman then we would not want her because she would be such an air head or dependent person that you could not live with her.

    I myself have for periods of time in my life stopped crossdressing. After I did not crossdress for a long time, after several years, I would start to miss Donna so much like a good friend that I truly loved. I could not resist seeing her again.

    What I am coming to realize is that the reason I am so attracted to that woman is because of my natural, God given ability as a man, not a woman, to be attracted sexually. Now think about this. We may want to be a women, not because we are on the inside a woman, but because we are men attracted to women. Does that not turn you off? The more woman we want to be, the man we are!

    God gave us that ability when he said that a man shall join a woman and they will become one flesh. Is not that woman we think we are joined to us like that? It’s just that, not because it was our fault, it happened, and when we were so young, too young to know how dangerous it was, that we were joined to that girl.

    Because of that, I still am attracted to everything I see on women or at the mall, but now I bring to my mind that thought, that I am a man admiring that thing. I don’t want it like a woman because it would make me look good, although it’s easy to think that, But a woman is not sexually attracted to herself looking pretty.

    The other thing that helps me stop crossdressing is because every time I lost control, left my wife and lived as a woman, it always ended up with becoming terribly, medically depressed. For me I think it was the almost 24 hours a day endorphin high that I was experiencing for weeks and then when my body ran out of the ability to create the high, I crashed. The swing low was deep, deep, deep.

    Everytime I am tempted now, my thoughts go to that experience, of which the last time it happened, not only did I almost have a divorce, I never ever want to have the deep depression again. I know that even though I want to be a woman and would want everything a woman has, I can’t have it because I don’t want to repeat this cycle for the Nth time.

    In a way I am so glad that I went so far as I did, because that is the only way that that I learned.


  34. thorin25 says:

    Thank you for your input and honest story D. Your comparison to “a beautiful mind” is interesting. I’d like to explore that further. I should watch the movie again. You have a lot of good tips there that I’m sure will be helpful to others. Obviously a few of them I strongly disagree with, but I thank you for commenting all the same. We need to hear more and more stories of those who have successfully combated these desires and still led healthy lives as a result.


  35. thorin25 says:

    I don’t want my comment to sound too harsh. Mainly my “strongly disagree” things are about who we are praying to, and related things about prayer, faith.


  36. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Don. That is an important testimony. We need to hear more stories like this. I agree with your logic Don. See this article, and my post on a similar topic – http://www.tbuckner.com/TRANSVES.HTM

    I it doesn’t take going into that deep dark place for all of us. I hope some will see your testimony and realize that they can stop crossdressing now, instead of waiting till they go to that dark depressing place.


  37. D says:

    Hi Thorin.

    No drama from me in relation to your comments. I was not offended nor do I disagree with anything you may feel, especially in relation to prayer. It is an individual pursuit so go with what works for you.

    My point about praying to a chandelier is only to highlight that praying to whatever diety you deem to be appropriate to you is great in relaton to anyone ceasing their X-dressing – whether you believe in God or not.

    I daresay you would not agree with my choice of prayer to help me (A Bahai prayer called The Tablet of Ahmad) but it works wonders along with eveything else.

    I stopped saying it after about a year though, so there is obviously a link there.

    The power of our mind is a wonderful thing and we have to believe that we have the ability to change.


  38. SISSY SHEELA says:

    hi………thks for this news…i am crossdresser and had wanted to get rid of my habit.but the more i wanted to stop the more i getting pissed off….i really want to stop this addiction….feel free to drop me more info in my inbox…GOD BLESS N TAKE CARE…..BYE…
    sissy sheela


  39. thorin25 says:

    Hello Sheela, thank you for your comment. What kind of information would you like? I suggest you read more of my posts – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/
    It’s hard to know what to tell you right now, there’s a lot I could say. Maybe just keep reading some of my more significant posts, and then comment on them if you want to discuss more. You can also check out my email prayer chain if you want to join others who are trying to quit – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/
    You are not alone, not alone in wanting to quit, and not alone in being frustrated in your efforts to quit. There are a whole group of us fighting it together, finding healing in who God created us to be, and encouraging and praying for each other.

    If there is something specific you want to talk about let me know, I’m always open to doing so. Please let me know what I can do to help you.

    I understand firsthand the frustrations of trying to quit. Surely is not an easy thing and takes a lot of time and self examination. But it is possible. I will pray for you right now that God guides you about what to do, and gives you peace and comfort, that he draws you into closer intimacy with Jesus, and that he gives you victory over slavery to crossdressing.


  40. Dramaking55 says:

    We all came here on the same ship but it would seem that we are all in different boats! There is so much that I can identify with on this blog and I thank God for all the stories that come here. This is one of the ways that I continue to enjoy sobriety if you will. By engaging with you all,
    D there is much we have in common and one thing I would like you to look at is how much of your posts involve the words I, and my. I mention this not to criticize but to let you know that I went for many years doing the same things. What I have now is the knowledge that it is not I or my but us and we that allow me any success in stopping for you see, I can do NOTHING without God’s help and strength through His Holy Spirit in me. I binged and purged and slipped, tripped and fell many times before the Lord showed me that I needed to “Let go and let God” I needed to trust Him for my every need, big or small and as I began to let go, I began to find a strength that I could not believe as I allowed Him to control and access my heart, my mind and my soul. I hope that you will continue to come and drink from this well of relief that Thorin has here and read and comment as you feel led.
    Sheela, welcome to this humble place I like to call home! I welcome you to read the posts and check all the links that are here as there is a wealth of knowledge and a chance to even wrestle with beliefs about what is real or not. Dissent is many times the catalyst that is needed for healthy debate and can cement your particular views or cause you to re-think them. If you are seriously looking to stop crossdressing and go in a different direction then there are many here who will help you do that. The first thing I would ask if you are serious is to use your masculine identity to start with. Know this, that if you want to quit, you are going to have to be willing to scratch and claw your way out of this but we are all here to cheer you on and support where we are able. Thank you for sharing your struggle here.

    May God Bless you all


  41. CD wife says:

    Hi Thorin,As a CD wife i admire your blog.I would like to know have you considered a twelve step fellowship for a program to work and face to face anonymous support?


  42. thorin25 says:

    Hello CD Wife, thank you for visiting, it is good to hear from wives as well. I think 12 step programs would be an excellent idea, from what other men here have told me. I have not utilized one myself, and don’t see myself doing so anytime soon since I wouldn’t say I’m still struggling all that much with crossdressing anymore. There is still the occasional temptation for me of course, but I feel like I’m doing well, and I only really think about crossdressing when working on this blog.

    Many of the men here who converse with me and are in our email prayer chain have been part of 12 step programs/groups, and they suggest them highly, so I would too.


  43. Barb says:

    I am the wife of a man who says he is transgender. He is also a Christian. He tells me that God made him this way and I just could never understand. Our marriage is in serious trouble over this issue. I don’t know what to say to him to convince him that God didn’t make him this way, it’s a choice he has made for himself which is contrary to the Bible, please help me to get thru to him. Thank you,
    Step 22


  44. thorin25 says:

    Hi Barb, I am so sorry for what you are going through, for you and your husband both. I will pray for you both right now, pray for change and healing for your husband that he can accept being the man he is, and healing for your marriage.

    One thing I would say first of all to you is that I think you are partially wrong on saying its a choice he made for himself. Let me explain. I think he didn’t choose to feel the way he did. Who would choose something like that? He feels what he feels, and he doesn’t want to feel like he was born the wrong sex, but that is the way he feels, and I’m sure if he could flip a switch to choose not to feel that way he would. However, he does choose whether to act on those feelings or not, he chooses whether to get help or not from sites like this, from a local pastor, from a counselor. He chooses whether to live as a man or pursue a sex change. He chooses whether to work on this with you or not. He chooses whether to try to find healing from this long life struggle, or whether to give in and abandon himself fully to transgenderism. These posts talk a bit more about those things – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/but-i-was-born-with-these-desires/

    Suggest to him to come and read some of my posts. Tell him we have a community of 20-30 guys all struggling with crossdressing, transgender feelings, or both, and we are talking to each other, encouraging each other, praying for eachother, and resisting giving in to those actions together. If he wants to be really objective, and hear all sides of the issue, talking to us would be a great place to start. He can tell you that you don’t understand, which is patronizing and unhelpful, (but somewhat true), but he can’t say that to us, who have had the feelings he has.

    Personally I think most transgender feelings come from people not fitting in with the gender stereotypes of our culture, and from people who are different from the average men or women. The solution I think is to be content being a bit different from the average man, rather than thinking we are actually women with wrong bodies. My site is mostly about crossdressing as a sexual addiction. However, I have talked about transgenderism a fair amount as well. I encourage you to read more of my posts about it, you can do so by going to the menu on the right hand side of my page that says, “categories” and see what I’ve posted about “transgender”

    This condition of your husband doesn’t have to be a scary thing. Don’t think he is a pervert or some freak. He is a normal person who has struggled with his sex and identity and it’s given him a lot of pain. He needs love and support and a good listening ear. But he also needs help breaking through lies and rationalizations. There is so much crap online about transgenderism that doesn’t make sense, and it’s just silly illogical rationalizations. Help him to face the truth, but do so gently and in love. If he is ready to make such a huge life change, the least he can do is read some of my posts about transgender topics. keep in touch! Hang in there!


  45. barb says:

    you make a lot of sense! Please put us on your prayer chain. I will encourage husband to join.
    Thank you for taking the time to hear me.


  46. Barb says:

    I have been reading your blogs and get the impression that there are “triggers” that need to be identified and avoided. Is this correct?


  47. thorin25 says:

    Yes Barb, the triggers are similar for most of us, but sorta different for each person. Unfortunately since your husband is married, and female clothing is probably a trigger, there is not much he can do to get away from triggers. I will add you to the prayer chain, expect an email soon!


  48. Barb says:

    My husband had knee surgery a few years ago and needs to wear support hose to keep swelling down. He buys thigh highs in different colors, also he wears sport bras as he had to go on female hormones to offset his psa which was extremely high about 10 years ago which developed his breasts some. These would be triggers that he would need to give up, correct ? My husband will be getting into with you in a few days. Thanks


  49. thorin25 says:

    That sounds like a very tricky and difficult situation. Those things would definitely feed my desires for crossdressing, as well as potentially mess with my mind and identity. But I don’t know what your husband would do, if he needed to be on those things for health reasons….


  50. Steve Glick says:

    Thorin25, this is Steve Barbs husband. To expand on what she said, I was on a very high dose of the hormones for nearly a year then for 11 years on what they called a maint dosage. They figures since I was in my late forties the affects would be minimal, right. But with all the physical and physc changes I still am so very thankful I chose that path of treatment and am still here to write about it, love the Lord, enjoy the sunrise each day, spend time with my family and still help others as I always have. Did I wish for this to happen, heavens no! It has caused a tremendous deal of heartache and sadness through the years but I can still smile and praise my Lord for each moment. There’s been buckets of tears and crying out why me Lord. All I ever wanted was to love and serve Him raise my family, help my community and grow old. He in his divine wisdom had a different plan.
    I know Barbs hurting, we both are. Where do I begin to remove triggers, my brain, my physc, my B-C cup breasts believe me clothes are just a tiny token of the problem. I would love to hear your email reply and thoughts. If you know of a plan to take away the pain all this causes sign me up… Steve


  51. thorin25 says:

    Hi steve, than you so much for coming by. I hope others will weigh in as well and talk to you. I am by no means an expert. But I would love to keep talking to you. Firstly, help me to understand where you are coming from. I heard from your wife. But what is your perspective? What exactly are you feeling? Do you feel like you are a woman? Do you feel like you’d rather be a woman and unfortunately aren’t? Do you long to dress like a woman? Do you have sexual pleasure from imagining being a woman or from crossdressing?


  52. Barb says:

    It seems to me that men who are tg or cross dressers just pick out the neat or enjoyable aspects of womanhood. What about the not so pleasant-side of being a woman? Labor pains, cramps, pms (and the bitchness that comes with it)menopause, changing a baby’s dirty diapers or taking care of sick kids? I wish I could pick out and do all the glorious things men on this site like doing, but that’s only a small part of womanhood. Women want a man who is tender, but will also take care of them, be the provider, be more logical than a woman in certain issues ie child rearing , protect them and most importantly have a Reverence for God and be a Godly man that his wife and children can be proud of. Is that asking too much?


  53. thorin25 says:

    Hi Barb, I’m sure some transsexuals would argue that they would want the whole package of womanhood if they could truly attain it. But the fact is, you can’t actually change a man into a woman, and so you can’t give them the menopause, cramps, and giving birth experiences that you experience.

    I totally agree about your assessment when it comes to crossdressers. A lot of the time we convince ourselves that we want to be women, but really it comes to sexual pleasure that we get from seeing ourselves dressed up as a woman.

    Most of the men who comment on this site (but not all, some crossdressers comment here too), do see the foolishness that you are explaining, and it is one of the many reasons that we are no longer pursuing crossdressing but giving it up to be the real men that God created us to be.


  54. Steve says:

    Your questions are understandable, and asked many times before. A little more history… During the early treatment I was tested retested sent to different activities dresses and had to report what and how I felt. Obviously they were getting a picture of what the medications were doing to me mentally as well as they could see the physical.. it was a new procedure so essentially I was an experiment to see if they could reverse the direction the crash course with fatal cancer. PTL they did but… back to your questions…Depending on each day I may feel like John Wayne or Shania Twain is the simplest way to describe it. From all the years of medications yes there’s female feelings. Do I want to be a woman as my medical folks described it I’m the most integrated person they’d ever examined. My endocrinologist said one day you may tire of living in two worlds and have to choose. Well at this point I’m still comfortable in both. I think no more of dressing female or male it’s became part of who I am. There’s no sexual stimuli from it or i’ll die if I don’t. The doctors explained the importance of recognizing this side and not pushing it to the side or ignoring it. So if you put faith in our medical people as I have done for many years I’m still alive and outside of a few painful snags have a decent quality of life. this is my first times blogging so I didn’t acknowledge the email the other time and it either closed or I deleted it by accident… sorry


  55. Barb says:

    Hi, my husband said he hasn’t received an email from you from when he responded. I told him I think he has to go to your blog to read messages. Is this correct? Could you send him an email.


  56. thorin25 says:

    Hi Barb and Steve, when you post a comment here, there is a box you can check underneath the words you write to say “notify me of follow up comments via email” and then you get an email when I respond to your comment. But if you’d rather we can talk about this over email. I’ll send an email now


  57. Ralph says:

    Barb, you make the mistake of assuming you know what the various folks with assorted forms of gender dysphoria want and don’t want. There’s tremendous variation in what motivates them (us). Some do indeed wish they could have the whole package, including menstruation and childbirth. But saying they should only wear the dress if they also want the downside is like saying women should only wear pants if they are willing to also have prostate cancer or male pattern baldness or ugly hairs growing out of their ears when they get older.

    Sometimes it’s not about wanting to sample womanhood (although I’ll concede that’s a driving force for *most* crossdressers and certainly all transsexuals); sometimes it’s just about having a wider choice in fashion.

    I’ve encountered a group who are more like me — they don’t even accept the label crossdresser; they use terms like “freestyle fashion” to differentiate between remaining all male but wearing the clothes vs. going the whole nine yards with makeup and wigs and breast forms and the like. I think there’s a certain amount of denial in their outlook, but at least they’ve managed to separate wearing the clothes from being a girl.


  58. Barb says:

    Thanks for replying. As you can tell there is a lot I don’t know. How does your wife handle your free style? What is free style?


  59. Temptedsinner says:

    You do make some good points Ralph, but I would suggest that there are more shades and variations to us CDs than a box of 64 Crayola crayons. (although I think they now make a box with 128 ) And we still probably have them beat. It is all so complicated, and really sucks too !

    More to follow, if I have time


  60. A CD wife says:

    Hello Barb,May i invite you to join us at http://cdwives.tripod.com/id9.html where you will meet other wives who share the common problems of living with CD in their lives.You will find friendship and support there.


  61. Temptedsinner says:

    I’m a little unclear on this. Are you saying that you had never dressed or had desires to wear women’s clothing prior to treatment 11 years ago?


  62. Ralph says:

    Hi, Barb. When I first told my wife, before we were married, she said her main concerns were that I was gay or I wanted to be a woman. Neither was true then, and 25 years later they are still not true (although it did take some years of self-discovery in high school and college to understand that).

    Her response has been neutral. She does not complain or criticize, nor does she participate or encourage. I once wrote an article for some friends explaining the uncontrollable urges and thought it might serve to help her understand me better, so I had her read it; her only response was “I never knew it was a compulsion, I thought it was just a personal preference.” She said it’s “not what I like best about you”, but went on to explain that she doesn’t mind it in the same way she knows I ignore her less-than-ideal qualities for the sake of our mutual love. In these 25 years, her one request has been that I do not dress in front of our children so they have an unambiguously male role model. They are now in their 20s, but I still honor her request.

    What do I mean by the term freestyle? Well, I suppose it means something different to each person who uses it. But in the context where I first saw it used, which makes sense to me, is the idea of wearing whatever you like regardless of artificial gender constructs while still retaining your masculinity. For example, some of the men on the freestyle fashion website favor distinctly feminine skirts (not kilts) with men’s shirts. In my case, I find dresses most comfortable — give me a loose, flowing layer of satin or velvet or rayon from neck to toe and I’m happy. As it happens, the styles I prefer do tend towards the more vintage feminine expression — long, full skirts, soft fabrics, modest necklines — but whether I’m in jeans and t-shirt or satin nightgown I express myself and consider myself all man — no makeup, wig, breast forms, bra, girl name, etc.

    Tempted’s analogy of the Crayola box is right on — we ALL have different desires, motivations, triggers, and self-identity. I remember how jealous I was of the kids lugging those huge 64-color boxes to school when I only had 16 colors. Remember the politically incorrect “Indian Red” and “Flesh” colors? At least they didn’t have goofy designer colors like “Ecru” and “Mauve”. But now I digress…


  63. Barb says:

    Thanks for the information and websites. You all are all most kind and considerate.


  64. Grok says:

    I am elaborating on what Ralph posted. I agree that the “Freestylers” are in denial. Actually, I think this group could be considered the male counterpart of Tomboys. Or perhaps a better analogy would be a mirror image, in that the image in a mirror is reversed. So this group of men are the mirror image of Tomboys.


  65. Grok says:

    I have abstained for years. Perhaps this would be helpful to somebody if I explain how I stifle the urge. I have come across the description of cross dressers as a “gorilla in a dress.” A repugnant image. My limbs are fairly hairy for a male; I imagine that description being applied to me…. The urge is replaced with revulsion.


  66. Grok says:

    I apologize if my technique seems crude.


  67. thorin25 says:

    Grok I often did something similar to combat the urges. I definitely agree that it works. See this post – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/08/26/fighting-temptations-by-imagining-myself-crossdressed/


  68. Don says:

    I know we are all different and that some guys just want the feel of the clothes.

    For me, I don’t want to see myself as a man in a dress, so that is one of the things that helps me. I used to weigh 135 (size 12) and have all my body hair off before I would crossdress. When I was living full time as a woman I was able to pass easily. I could go anywhere and participate in any activity with the general public. Even when I told people that I was transsexual, a few did not believe me.

    Now I weigh around 160 and make sure I have facial hair and so that helps me a lot. I would look pretty discusting now.



  69. Grok says:

    When I have seen online images of cross dressed men, I have remained silent. I will put it this way-looking at those images show how absurd I would look if I were to indulge. Much female clothing looks good on women…and silly on men.


  70. thorin25 says:

    Barb and Steve, I’ve sent an email, but haven’t heard back?


  71. Chui Pard says:

    Thorin did you get my mail of a few days back?
    It was about the why behind the vanishing of the website stop crossdressing.com by Jared. Since you contributed often to that website and communicated with Jared I thought that you ight know more. I have sent an e-mail to Jared but that e-mail address is not functioning anymore. Can you reply to me if you have more information or not. Many thanks in advance!

    Greetings, The Boss (instead of Chui Pard)


  72. thorin25 says:

    Hello Chui. I did respond. You asked here and I responded there – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/questions-requests/

    Hope you find it. It should have emailed you when I made a response, weird.


  73. Brian says:

    This is very useful information thank you so much for thisam going to use it to my advantage and finally stop and have a happy family with my wife and daughter



  74. thorin25 says:

    That’s great Brian! Keep us posted as to how it goes for you!


  75. Heather says:

    Bible Thumping hog wash!


  76. thorin25 says:

    Heather, did you come here to insult? Or do you have anything worthwhile and intelligent to say?


  77. Jazon says:

    I have suffered from cross dressing addiction and over masturabation for many years.As far as i can see,it’s a spiritual battle from a christian persepective.Read Romans1:28-it’s says when we move away from God and worship idols/creations more than the creator then the creator God also leave us and allow evil spirits to enter which make our mind reprobate.

    This is my testimony-i prayed to Jesus to heal me from this addiction of over masturbation and cross dressing but nothing happened,infact i fell into more and more sin,causing my life to be in desolation and failure.
    But i didn’t lose hope,every time did cross dressing ,Holy spirit of God told me it was a sin and stiriop it.God showed me specifically the diseases(skin and other) that occurs on all those who indulge in sexual immorality .The conviction grew stronger in me.On the other hand evil spirits also told there is no problem in cross dressing,or if i stopped on some day,these evil spirits will tell me,it’s bad day-astrologically or other ways.

    Then God clearly showed me these two verses in the scriptures-Revelations 21:8-All cowards ,liars,idolaters,sexually immoral,murderers,occult magicians will be thrown into eternal lake of fire and sulfur.

    According to Romans chapter1-It’s idolatry -moving away from creator and worshipping creation that gives us the reprobate mind that makes us do sex sins-adultery,promiscuity,homosexuality,cross dressing,bdsm desires etc.

    Lord Jesus said if your hand,feet or eye cause you to stumble cut it and throw it away,for it’s better for you to enter eternal life without an eye ,feet or hand than to burn in eternal hell fire-lake of fire and sulfur that burns eternally-Mathew5:29,30 & Mark9:43-48.

    God doesn’t want you to cut away your body parts,but Jesus was specifically pointing out that only this extreme attitude against sin can help you come out of it.

    These are the steps anyone can take to come outnof cross dressing-

    1.Accept that cross dressing is a sin accordingng to God’s Word -Bible.

    2.Say to God that you repent of that sin and all other sexual sins and other sins that you may have done along with the cross dressing sin.

    3.Say to God that you accept eternal salvation offered by Lord Jesus Christ who shed his precious sinless blood on the cross for all mankind so that anyone who accepts this ultimate and eternal sacrifice ,will have eternal life.

    4.Say to God that you thank him for making you his son/daughter as all your sins are forgiven through the precious sinless blood of Lord Jesus Christ.Thank God that all the provisions in the God’s word -Bible for believers are now yours and that you can have them through faith and meditating on God’s word.

    5.Thank God for healing you from all your afflictions/diseases as said by God through his prophet Isiah ,some 700 years before Jesus Christ,that by his stripes(stripes of Jesus Christ on the calvary cross) we are healed.

    6.Find a Church that donot indulge in idolatrous practices(likt intercession/veneration of saints) and truly believes in scriptures-Bible and Lord Jesus Christ and have fellowship and encouragement.

    7.Finally understand that when you heed
    to the guidance of Holy Spirit you can never cross-dress,even if you are tempted to cross dress or cross dress you can always overcome by the power of Holy Spirit of God and the name of Lord Jesus Christ which is above all other names.So never lose hope,even if you cannot make it,give yourself into the hands of Jesus and say Lord i cannot make it own my own,only you can save me.And Lord Jesus saves all those who are willing to trust him as he did for thief on the cross who trusted Lord Jesus at the last moment of his life.He saw the reality that he had nothing to lose except his vain pride and self deception by accepting the Lord Jesus who was being crucified in front of him.That is exactly what God expects from everyone of us.

    So never lose hope,trust in Lord Jesus Christ till the very end of your life.

    God bless you brothers and sisters.


  78. thorin25 says:

    Thank you Jazon for your testimony and for sharing the good news of the Gospel! May people read it and come to know Jesus and be redeemed and transformed.


  79. vishak says:

    yes,,,, cross dressing ruins time and money…. i ve spent lot of money,,, thanks thorin,,, i will make up my mind not on face


  80. thorin25 says:

    Vishak, welcome to my blog. I pray that God blesses you and gives you strength to quit this activity once and for all


  81. FrozenWorld says:

    While I agree believing you can stop,praying, and memorizing scripture are all good ways to stop,you simply have the term crossdresser confused,if a male dresses as a female or vice versa for sexual purposes they would be a transvestite,not a crossdresser,a crossdresser is someone who simply enjoys wearing the opposite sexs’ clothing because they feel more comfortable that way,I could sit here and go on and on about the mistakes here,but I won’t do that,the other thing i’ll say is about Deuteronomy 22:5,people are conflicted with this because for one reason,it’s in the Old Testament,and Generally Christians don’t follow the Old Testament,a second reason being that with the way the Bible was written it isn’t always literal,some people believe that it means that when a man must do something,he must do it as a man,not stand back or such,while it’s true women can do almost everything a man can,there are some things only a man is built for, for example say something needs to be lifted but you need a sturdy upper body to do it,you would be more likely to find a man like that. My answer here may be wrong, even with knowledge from the Holy Bible we still take a gamble on whether we live in peace or burn forever, we just can’t know, and we can’t know until our time because we’re all pathetic and tiny compared to forces beyond us.As for some of you,read Deuteronomy 22:5 yourselves, you’ll find there are other laws in there that are broken a lot but are never mentioned.I guess I ended up going on and on even though I tried not to,oh,please don’t think of me as a know-it-all jerk,this is simply my opinion.

    ~A good day to all and may you find peace and comfort in your lives


  82. thorin25 says:

    Frozenworld, the terms are not concrete, different people use them in different ways. I use crossdresser to mean literally anyone dressing up in the clothes of the opposite sex, be it for sexual reasons or other.

    “Generally Christians don’t follow the Old Testament.” I don’t know of any Christians who don’t believe the Old Testament is the Word of God and teaches us God’s will for today. You are misinformed. Perhaps you think this because many Christians don’t specifically obey some of the Old Testament laws, such as laws about sacrifice. This is because Christians interpret the Old Testament through the lens of Christ and what he accomplished. I have written about this in my Deuteronomy 22:5 post if you would like to understand more about how Christians read and understand and apply the Old Testament. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2011/10/24/deuteronomy-225/

    If you read my post you’ll see how I explain why Christians obey some Old Testament but “seem” to ignore others. Really we believe ALL of the Old Testament Law has been fulfilled in Jesus, and the way we now relate to the individual laws, depends on what type of law they are, and in what way Jesus fulfilled them. It’s a common misunderstanding that non-Christians have, and even some Christians. But Christians are not just picking and choosing what laws to follow. Again that is in my post.

    I believe we can know whether we live in peace or burn forever! Talk to the Lord Jesus, and commit your life to him. Worship him as your Lord. Accept that he lived the perfect life you could not live, and has taken your punishment for sin. This is all you have to do, and you can have peace forever, beginning right now. God created us as people to have relationship with him and enjoy him forever. We will never have peace or happiness until we go to God, worship him, commit our lives to him, and be the people he created us to be. Assurance is there. You don’t have to doubt any longer. God is ready to listen if you are ready to speak to him.

    I don’t deserve eternal life or relationship with God any more than you do. But God in his mercy is willing to accept any of us, no matter who we are or what we’ve done.


  83. Don says:

    I appreciate your comment Frozenworld. As far as crossdressing not being sexual, I don’t agree. All men crossdressing are doing it for sexual reasons, even if they don’t realize it. I myself did not think it was sexual, but when I took drugs to reduce my sex drive, the desire went away, and I was a heavy crossdresser for 60 years of my life and lived as a woman. I stay on the drugs and am not compelled to crossdress even though I still would like to.

    Every thing we do is from our thoughts and feelings. No matter how subtle the feelings are, they are caused by your testosterone. It can feel like love, like or preference but it is sexual. That’s where those feeling come from.

    Just think about it. Men love women because that it what the culture points to, even if you don’t believe there is a natural desire because of homosexuals. Women dress like women because they ARE women, not because it’s sexual. Men dress like men because they ARE men, it’s not sexual for them. Even if a man thinks he is a woman, he is not, and he likes to dress like a woman BECAUSE he is a man, and he adores the opposite sex.



  84. Hannah says:

    Fantastic resource. I have started to get to know a man who has just stated that he is a cross dresser. When I stated that I was a) uncomfortable with this and b)felt it was against Gods plan he called me a homophobe and a Christian bigot; which upset me as I choose to love the sinner and hate the sin- meaning I leave it up to God to Judge.

    However, I still feel that being married to a man who cross dresses and in his own words stated it is ‘intgral’ to his life would not be appropriate most importantly for any future children we could have.
    His position is that the Bible states that he as a the man is head of the household and he believes God has approved our union; that as that head of the household he can insist I choose female clothes, tie him up and leave him in places– when I try to discuss my concerns (for instance is it that eventually he would want to be a female full time he becomes extremely rude to me– name calling like you would not believe).

    In my heart I feel I should walk away from him, but what is stopping me is that he repeatedly tells me God wants me to accept his behaviour. He also says that I am a bad and immoral person as I have an openly gay friend but will not accept this of him. I say that the difference is that I believe God would want any children I may be blessed with to have a proper, male role model- not a man in a dress being tied up by their mother.

    I will freely admit that this is not something I know a huge amount about, but even with the education I have found I do not want to be involved with a man who be the very nature of his need to be a female seems to be linked with his need to control his wife. Surely a woman has the right to say ‘no- this is inappropriate- without being labelled as a homophobe?

    Also, I met him at a Christian centre- he parades his faith in front of everyone and makes out that he knows more about the Bible, scripture and God then anyone else, which I think is what is blurring it for me. Surely, if he was at one with God on this issue he would dress as a female all the time?

    By walking away am I being faithful to my faith- or am I not being a Christian (as he repeatedly shouts at me)? Please help, I’m in my early 20’s and don’t know what to do for the best- I keep praying though.


  85. thorin25 says:

    I don’t blame you for your feelings. Especially for not wanting to get romantically involved with him. People will call us bigots (i’ve been called it many times for this blog), but we have to continue to believe what is right, and continue to love people and be patient with them. Sometimes we do just have to let them call us names and walk away.

    Continue to try to be his friend if you can, but then again, you cannot be friends with everyone in the world in an intimate way, and I wouldn’t feel bad not making a huge point to keep up the friendship if he insists you accept his behavior. It is one thing to not always give your negative comments about it, and accept that he continues to do this sinful action, it is quite another for him to insist that you rejoice about it and encourage him in this sin. That’s the culture we live in today. People do not want tolerance, though they say they want tolerance. They don’t want to be tolerated. They want to be affirmed. If you don’t affirm them they cry, “bigot!” Tolerance is about allowing people to believe different things and do different things even if we think its not good.

    Maybe point him to this site and have him dialogue with me about the issue. It would be interesting for him to read some of my posts.


  86. zahdah says:

    Hi, I’m the wife of a CD. He told me when I was pregnant with our first child, 16 years ago. I was devestated. I felt betrayed, tricked. It has been a very long journey. Of him trying to convince me that the problem was me not accepting him, so then me trying to accept. My heart knowing it was not right. Me refusing to be convinced, and finally, 2 years ago, him seeing the brokenness (his and mine), through a heartbreaking journey he took, and saw God at the end. But the brokenness did not heal, we are still in it. I really want to help him, love him through it, but I can’t stand the lies. Whenever he has a relapse, and I’m the only one he’s ever told (I can’t share what is not mine) the burden of the lie crushes me. I cannot lie, but yet in this, I’m forced to live one. The resentment towards him is very difficult to contain. I feel as if I’m living a lie. With our children, my family, and the few friends I have allowed myself. How can I have friends when I can’t share the hardest part of my life with them?
    The other thing I have a very hard time with, is him not seeing the truth. I, for some reason, just know the truth. Whenever I am forced to question what my heart says is the truth, I am in agony. My hearts truth has yet to be proven wrong. I sincerely believe that it is my close connection to God that I am able to hear the Holy Spirit. My heart told me it’s an addiction, my husband got quite upset with me when I referred to it as such last night, my heart tells me it is not how God created him to be, it is a brokenness, my heart tells me we are missing something. God told me I am His representative. I am to be Gods love to my husband. Unconditional. True love.
    My problem. I see the truth, he does not. I seek answers, he does not. So when he continues in the lie, what am I to do? Must I lie too?


  87. thorin25 says:

    Zahdah, I understand your pain and am so sorry for what you’ve gone through. I will pray for you both right now. May God convict him, give him understanding, strength to quit, and may God comfort you, shelter you, and give you strength to persevere, love, and forgive.

    Ok, Firstly, you and I both know the answer is NOT for you to give in to the lie. That was your question, but obviously you know you shouldn’t do that.

    I highly suggest you ask your husband if you may tell one trusted friend who will keep the secret, so that you have someone to support you. If he says no, tell him the alternative is that you get a counselor or a pastor to comfort you. If he says no to that, you could tell him you are going to do it anyway if he continues in the activity, and that otherwise you won’t make it.

    I think crossdressing can be legitimate grounds for divorce if he continues to do it without repentance without trying to stop. I almost never would recommend a divorce though. If you can handle it, of course the more Christ-like option is to keep loving him, and keep forgiving him, and working on reconciliation, and helping him to stop. But at some point if he refuses to give up the sin, you can leave him temporarily so he sees what he is really doing, and hopefully he repents, and then you move back in. Hopefully it never even needs to come to that either. Hopefully just a conversation about it , like we are having now, is enough for him to realize what he is doing is marital unfaithfulness, and addiction, and that he must stop or else you might leave, or you will go talk to the pastor,etc. You could also tell him if he doesn’t repent and work on quitting, you could tell others and have a confidential intervention. I hope you don’t have to do that! If that happened to me i might never live it down. But it would be better than many alternatives such as divorce. Just the gentle warning of it could get him to wake up from his spiritual blindness.

    If he considers stopping, we have a support group on this site for prayer and accountability, we’d love to have him join our group so we can help him find healing from that brokenness. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Also, when you have an honest discussion with him, you could tell him to read my blog and what I say about crossdressing. He could have you read something about how it is okay, and you could have him read this blog. If you are both willing to read both, than he should not have any problems reading what I have to say in my hundreds of blog posts to choose from. If he is not willing to read, then you can point out to him that he is close-minded, blinded from his sin, and arrogant.

    Keep loving, keep forgiving, remind him that this thing is hurting you and the marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

  88. A CD wife says:

    Hello Zahdah,I love Thorin’s words to you . I would like to suggest if i may that if you can’t talk to anyone you can find help in COSA which is for the partners of sex addicts. You may not define your husband as a sex addict but there you will find ladies you can relate to and be open and honest with them. keeping this secret can make us unwell. Also you can have friends we don’t have to share everything with them. It’s good to have friends and your own interests as well as a life with your husband. My prayers are also with you today.

    Liked by 1 person

  89. zahdah says:

    Thank you both for your encouragement. I actually already posted a reply, but it’s not here, I dont know what happened. I guess I wasn’t supposed to say what I did 😏
    I told my husband about your site again, this time he asked for the link. He has been convicted, once again, and, once again, I’m struggling with trusting him. We tried talking at first, it didn’t work out so well. I’m angry, and he was trying to stop me being angry. Finally I told him I had a right to be angry, I had once again been betrayed. To suppress my anger ment it would just come out elsewhere. I needed to be allowed to be angry (though not mean). So I wrote him a letter, telling him how his addiction makes me feel, what it does to me. Then we talked again. Though I’m able to forgive him, I told him I don’t know how to trust him yet again. Each time it is such a struggle. But am I wise to trust him again?


  90. erick says:

    i thnk am touched. am a CD as well in a country wc conciders it a taboo. i started when i yng n i thot it was temporary. but d urge gradually 4rm jst knickers to bras and finally d entire undergaments. purchasing dem was too hard n i resorted to stealing wc i stopped. av always tried 2 stop but all in vein. am nw 22yrs and i totally feel lyk am fed up already but d desire is still there. av read all the blogs but i thnk i jst need a prayer koz as a crossdresser i feel its totally up to no good. it leads to another addiction lyk masturbation>pornography addiction>luck of self esteem and so many others. all ma yrs ov crossdressing av got nothn’ otherthan plastic pleasure. 4 doz sayn’ its inborn r jst fooling themselves, its something learned.


  91. thorin25 says:

    Erick, I will pray for you right now. I encourage to keep working on giving up crossdressing and keep reading my blog! Lord, give Erick the strength to quit, the help he needs, lead him not into temptation, give him joy in you, and fill him with your peace and grace!


  92. erick rick says:

    thanks alot. jst a request please. i need 2 hear more of these encouragements. i really want 2 live an upright x’stian life and thats my biggest desire. if only i can overcome my weaknesses. ill 4eva b gratefull.


  93. zach says:

    I’m a 15 year old boy. And im looking for someone to support me, so far I’ve done most of it alone but if someone is willibg to reach out to me and help me that would be great. I’m an incredible athlete, i play lacrosse and I am one of the best kids in my county. I also run indoor track and play basketball. I’m a strong Christian so I have turned to God for his help, but I am looking to see if anybody would like to help me out. Please only email me if you are serious about quitting.

    Liked by 1 person

  94. Andrew says:

    Zach, I have been in recovery for 25 years and I do so appreciate what you must be going through. Like you I did it alone for many years but I started MB at the age of 10 so I know a lot about “doing it alone”. I am turning 60 this year and I am here for you my brother anytime you would like to talk. I would also invite you to join our prayer tree where we have total security and confidentiality. So, please feel free to contact me anytime resurrected55@gmail.com .



  95. thorin25 says:

    Zach, we’ve got a whole group of men that would love to support you. See this page and I invite you to sign up if you would like to. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/


  96. I want to tell my story if i can, I know what people go through when they start crossdressing and find it hard to stop, i was in that same boat a few yrs back and well actually a lot of year back, i started when i was merely 14 yrs. old crossdressing in private and i had girl cousins older as well as younger, and i had a little sister who was born on Jan 13, 1999 and i was born on April 24, 1991 which means that i’m 7 yrs 8 months and 20 days older than my little sister, and so my cousins gave handmedowns to my sister which i used to take sometimes and was wondering what might have been wrong with me because my dad caught me wearing girls clothes and yelled and called me a faggot(which i wasn’t by the way, i’m heterosexual, but this is in the southeastern united states one that has part of itself in the ocean, georgia to be exact and after he held at me, i tried to stop but didn’t succeed, but i kept on crossdressing whenever my parents weren’t home and sometimes i wore girls clothes underneath my boys clothes and sometimes to school as well, sometime even a somewhat full outfit of girl clothes underneath my boy clothes by means of somewhat full that means no bra even though i was fat getting fat, and for some odd reason i was more nicer when i was wearing the girl clothes i know weird right, but then i discovered in 2006 a christian kids tv show called colby’s clubhouse and it taught me about god and what you would normally learn in church, but we stopped going to church because of gas prices skyrocketing and minimum wage didn’t increase until far later, but only on a few occasions did i wear girls clothes while watching that show, then in went off air from tbn in the beginning of 2007, then started crossdressing again, then in april of 2007, i saw 20/20 news about transgender children and thought that i might have been one of them but thankfully i wasn’t because i did some soul searching in 2011-2012 right after i resigned from my 1st job, after only of 3 months, and during that time i discovered gotquestions.org and asked is being transgender/transsexual a sin, and gave me a full on explanation and then i discovered stopcrossdressing.com and earlier version of this website that i’m now on, then in Nov 2012 i fully accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and asked Him to come into my heart and into my life and help me to stop crossdressing and be my forever friend and he still is my friend and he helped me to stop crossdressing, and the reasons why i didn’t transition into the opposite sex was a. because i wanted my own my biological child, b. my parents only had one biological son, and c. my maternal(my mom’s mother and father) only had 1 biological grandson), and d. because i found it was a sin, and then of course i still had the urges but i fought it off with buying future clothes for my extremely future children yes both boys and girls clothes for by very far off future children and then i replaced my crossdressing addiction with becoming a diaperlover, yes it’s weirder but remember diapers are unisex, not made for one gender or the other, and by becoming a diaperlover i stopped every immoral thing i did, so i stopped crossdressing i was baptized on April 28, 2013, and after that never had the urge to crossdress again. and I’m a 24 yr old genetic(xy chromosome, heterosexual(straight) adult male diaperlover). and that’s my story.


  97. thorin25 says:

    Casey, thank you for sharing your story! I am so glad that you have found such a good relationship with Jesus.

    To clarify, the stopcrossdressing site was by a different person, totally unaffiliated with this site, though I did have some good dialogue with him.

    I am so happy to hear that you were able to give up your crossdressing addiction. But do you really think having this obsession with diapers is any better? It’s still a sexual fetish, you’ve just exchanged one kind for another. They are both a confusion of the sexuality that God desired for us to have. I think that both crossdressing and this diaper problem could be the result of similar things in your life, or your past. I encourage you to read this post and the article linked to it, and then give me your thoughts. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/eroticization-as-a-coping-method/


  98. Don says:

    Thorin, the article about fetishes is great. One thing though, when I was traumatically abused by my parents I did not hate them. My choice was hating myself. I was too young to know that they should not have been punishing me so strong for such a small infraction, so I thought that I was just so bad and worthless for doing what I did. I thought that they were right so I could not hate them, and I think that the writer of the article misses that point. When you are 5 years old you can’t hate your parents, because you are not capable of knowing they are wrong. You can only think that you are wrong.

    Now even worst than repressing hating your parents is hating yourself. What so you do with that? Create another person (a girl) that you can be. That was my low spot in the river. And my mother gave me the idea by threatening to put a dress on me when I wanted to play with my older sister and my sister told my mom that I was bothering her.



  99. Thorin25,Thanks for leaving a reply on my reply, and my name is Casey, and I don’t wear diapers as a sexual fetish, personally it’s not a fetish, but something to calm me down there is a difference between wearing an item of clothing for a fetish(aka for sexual gratification), or wearing an item for security and comfort. and Technically, I only wear diapers in time of turmoil or stress or on long car trips more than 50 miles one way and that’s usually the only time i wear them the rest of the time i wear my regular brief boxers(brief boxers are a combination of men’s boxer shorts and men’s tighty whitey underwear(but comes in more colors than white). let me try to be clearer to you,i don’t get sexual pleasure from wearing diaper or any other type of clothing, the diapers are just to calm a person down to make them think more like a child to understand reason and logic, and God the father told me himself, i can wear diapers as long as it doesn’t interfere with my relationship with him or others but i can’t wear the diapers all the time which i don’t considering if people did start wearing diaper 24/7 365 days a year then if they would want to go back to their regular underwear they couldn’t considering by forcing themselves to wear diapers they would have to re-potty train themselves but I don’t want to lose my bowel function and only need to wear diapers for comfort and security and not by necessity(incontinent people), the other way i used to handle stress was more of a crazier way and could be put into the nuthouse if you handle the stress in public, The way i used to handle stress beside the old crossdressing which i stopped thank you, god, was by making monkey/gorilla noises, and if you made those noise out in public or at your job then most likely you might’ve been fired so i held my stress in until i got home. and I still sometimes make those gorilla noise but mostly i rely on diapers to calm me down but I don’t wear them all the time because I don’t want to become incontinent(once you become incontinent wearing diapers become more of a necessity than calming down effect) and I never use diaper for as a sexual fetish(aka sexual gratification, aka sexual pleasure), why do i wear diapers on long car trips even only 50 miles one way well, because last time i took a road trip to Madison, GA(madison city, not madison county, ga) and that 50 miles from where I live, and I was trying out my new GPS(Global Positioning System), to find a horseback riding range in Madison City, GA; and I usually use the shortest distance, longer time routes, and went on back roads with gravel dirt roads,and I just a soda to drink and gravel makes you pee alot faster and there was no gas station in site and (technically if you pulled over and peed on a tree you could get arrested for public indecency that’s a law in georgia which means 1 to 3 days in jail) and if it wasn’t for an old timey gas station 10 miles before i reached the horseback riding range, i’d probably pee in pants which would be embarrassing.and then i found the horseback riding range and then i went home on the same day and i was testing out my gps and bladder to see if i could do a long car trip without having to stop by the bathroom 10 to 15 times and yes I’m a 24 yr heterosexual(straight), genetic(xy chromosome) male and I still present myself as such. and diapers doesn’t necessarily break gods rules considering what was the old fashioned type of underwear they wore in biblical time most people would say today, that’s not underwear that’s a cloth diaper(and yes people today would probably say that.) and diapers are unisex not specifically made for one gender or another well, old fashioned diapers that is. which is what i buy but i don’t use the diapers for a sexual fetish/sexual gratification/sexual pleasure(in other word, the ones who use diapers as a fetish cum in their diapers which i don’t.just saying if you didn’t know the meaning of the words). I only wear diapers to handle stress and comfort and security and on long car trips only. Sorry i was rambling because diapers to some people might be a sexual fetish(which means those people cum in their diapers, but i do not which means I don’t use diapers as a sexual fetish, I use them for convenience for long car trips and for to handle my stress, and for comfort and security. That’s what i use diapers for.


  100. Compelled-to-write says:

    Here’s what helped me get close to God and break all abiding sin in my life:

    Cultivating a fear of God: it’s the beginning of wisdom. Yes, ‘fear’ is a shameful emotion but it can be very useful if you can admit to yourself that you fear going to hell; that you fear missing out on heaven; or that you fear missing out on a pre-tribulation rapture and facing the prospect of having to realise the consequences of your sinful ways (your disobedience) and live through the most terrifying time on Earth: the ‘day of God’s wrath’. Try to appreciate how truly awesome God is: deserving of your utmost respect, honour and obedience.

    Getting a feel for how close the end really is: we’re the terminal (last) generation. Israel is back from oblivion; since the blood moon tetrad started we’ve seen the advent of ISIS, Ebola, and a 50-day war between Israel and Hamas … and we still have the super blood moon to come. We’re in a shemitah year with a likely Jubilee next year. If you don’t know what all that means, check out Mark Biltz’ and Jonathan Cahn’s YouTube videos: I also like Walid Shoebat and Avi Lipkin for finer detail. You’ll get a real sense of how important the Hebrew calendar and the Lord’s Feasts are, and you’ll see that they’re key to falling into lock-step with God — His timing and His divine appointments — knowing His great judgement is very near. Discovering all this really put a fire in my heart, my belly … and under my backside!

    Praying earnestly against curses in your life. No one cursed me more than my own earthly father and so it was important to pray fervently against the evil he conjured into my life. There’s real freedom to be had by expelling the stifling dark clouds of bondage from one’s life. Again, search YouTube for inspiring, informative lessons on breaking curses in your life.

    Understanding that this is an all or nothing deal: lose your life in order to gain it. You need to be wholly dedicated/sanctified to God, not just working on one abiding sin but making the wholesale step into a new life, ridding yourself of all your shameful, habitual sin habits by ‘selling out’ to God. Get close to God, listen intently and follow His leading as best you can, trusting in His guidance.

    I hope and pray these ideas can help others who know they’re living in sin and want to do something about it.

    God bless you, strengthen you, and make His face to shine upon you!



  101. Andrew says:

    Compelled, I appreciate the points you have made and I hope you will post again as you go through the many posts, articles and comments made.
    Having been in recovery for more years than I care to think about, I am reminded how many times I have shared with others that CD was just the tip of the iceberg for me as when God began to do His work on me I was shown that I had many other “character defects”. It has also been made abundantly clear that anytime I have been in sin, that sin can be traced back to my pride, self-centeredness and arrogance. Praise God for His word and other believers that share their struggles, questions and even complaints within this forum for all are welcome here.

    God bless


  102. Mike says:

    I don’t have a wife, so i feel like recovery from this is impossible. I want to stop, I wish I could, I feel hopeless


  103. thorin25 says:

    Mike, I want to tell you clearly that I do not believe recovery is impossible for anyone. Let me ask you something first, are you a Christian? Do you have a relationship with Jesus?

    I hope you do, let me know. But even if you do not, I still think recovery is possible for you. Let’s talk more


  104. Mike M says:

    Ive been cross dressing off and on for years now but i made the biggest mistake of not telling my wife the truthand my struggle with this and now she does not want to be with me no more and we have 4kids. I am a Christian and been asking God to help me but i ran to the vomit and was caught again.me and my wife talked about this b4 lots of times but its now gotten worse. Its coming down to divorce im sure of it but ive prayed asking God to save are marriage and i know he will but its all up to me now with his help. And me contacting you would be a first step for me. Can u help me please.


  105. thorin25 says:

    Mike I will pray for you right now, and ask our Lord to please save your marriage and bring healing and reconciliation for you both, and victory over your sin. But you have to do the hard work. I recommend you continue to read the posts on my site. Repent and confess to your wife. Make a commitment to never do this sin again. Get an accountability partner. Talk to your pastor. Join our email prayer group of other men who struggle with this same sin of crossdressing so you can get their prayer and support – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Pray and fill your mind with God’s Word. Ask your wife to forgive you and tell her you are going to do what it takes to fight this sin and heal from this brokenness. I am sad that she is not more willing to listen and forgive and move on in healing together with you instead of immediately going to divorce, but I don’t know all of your history and perhaps she has already been patient for years waiting for you to stop giving in to this secret sin.

    You are in a tough spot, but with God there is always hope. Keep praying, let this be a huge time or change in your life, not only from breaking away from this sin finally, but in growing in your relationship with God. I have a page here for wives too if your wife wants some support from other women – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/

    I recommend you tell your wife about this site, she can read here to understand more about this condition, and also to find new hope that other men have quit and other marriages have healed. Showing her this site or at least telling her about it might help to show her also that you are taking this seriously and want to change.

    Ultimately you cannot control your wife. She should forgive you, it’s what God has commanded us to do, but you cannot force her to do so. And I do think like me, you’ve been unfaithful to your marriage and so it’s legitimate grounds for divorce, but if I was her pastor I’d be steering her away from divorce and viewing it as a last ditch option only to be gone to if you were not repenting and not trying to change. I hope she can see it that way also.

    This is a critical moment in your life. But there is hope. God is good, all the time, and I pray that he uses this moment to break your bondage to sin, and help both you and your wife to together be amazed at God’s grace and forgiveness (for you both, not just you), and together see that God can bring transformation and healing in your lives.


  106. thorin25 says:

    Casey, even if it’s not sexual, can’t you see that that isn’t what God intended? That we are supposed to find comfort in him, not in pretending to be a baby? This is psychological dysfunction, even if not sexual dysfunction. I’m not judging you. We all have our problems, But i encourage you to see a counselor about this.

    1 Corinthians 13 – . 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.


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