12 Steps to Stop Crossdressing

Steps for Giving up and Stopping Crossdressing

I thought it would be helpful to compile a list of good beginning steps for those who want to give up crossdressing for good.  This is just a starting point for those who wish to stop crossdressing completely.  Stopping crossdressing altogether is a long process, and there is much more that could be said and be done, besides the brief steps I’ve outlined here.  But for those that want to finally overcome crossdressing in their lives, this is a good place to begin.

I’m going to only briefly lay out these points.  For some of them I will link to other blog posts, (some of them not my own), that explain further these points.  For most of these points, I plan to write about them in a more deep way, each individually, in the future in other detailed posts.  Also, I’m sure this list could be improved, edited, added to, so if you have any suggestions please let me know.  The goal is to help people, not make myself look like an expert (which I’m not), so if you have any helpful criticisms, please comment.

These steps are in an order.  The order is just my own opinion on what I think would be most helpful.  Obviously many people will disagree with these steps, or the order, or that crossdressing even needs to be stopped.  But for those that do want to stop crossdressing, I hope this can be somewhat helpful for you.

It can take a long time to stop.  For myself, I was doing almost all of these things for about 10 years and it still took until last year for me to stop completely.  For me, I think primarily I was missing the belief that it was really possible to stop (Step #2).  I knew logically that it was possible, but it just seemed too unlikely until I found others online who had already given up crossdressing.  Then I was like, “hey if they can stop for good, I can too.”  It was like a light bulb turned on and stopping finally was attainable and I finally stopped crossdressing for good.

 

1. Desire to stop crossdressing. 

The first step obviously is that you have to actually want to stop crossdressing.  Maybe you think crossdressing is sinful and so you want to stop.  Maybe you think its destructive in your life and so you want to stop.  Maybe its harming your marriage and so you want to stop.  Maybe you are just afraid of the reality of getting caught.  But whatever the case may be, the first step has to be some desire to stop.    If you aren’t to that point yet, consider reading these posts.

Summary of why crossdressing is sinful/harmful
How sexual addiction destroys our lives
Deuteronomy 22:5.
Crossdressing is like Pornography.
Crossdressing is about Envy.
Article about Sexual Sin.
How do we know what is true? Is crossdressing sinful?
But I was born with these desires.
Crossdressing can become idolatry
1 Corinthians 11:2-16 Prohibits crossdressing
The Myth of “Choosing to be yourself.”
Guilt is an achievement!

You can also read some of my “progress report” posts to see why I stopped crossdressing and how much better I feel now.  Just go to my category selection and click on “progress reports.”    Here a couple posts by a friend about why he stopped.
Why I don’t anymore
Ironing it out

 

2.  Believe that it is possible to stop crossdressing.

Make yourself inundated with the truth about crossdressing and the ability to stop it by reading through the posts on my website, as well as the posts on the fellow fighters’ websites that I have links to on my homepage.  Spend some hours reading.  Read and watch testimonies on my links page.  Most crossdressers are stuck in the belief that it is impossible to stop crossdressing and are stuck in the self-deception of crossdressing.  Read some new perspectives from these websites.

Can God deliver me from crossdressing?
I quit crossdressing and I am happy!
Change is Possible!
Healing is Possible

 

3.  Decide to stop crossdressing.

Following this desire to stop crossdressing and the belief that it is possible, make a firm decision for yourself that you are going to fight to stop crossdressing and get it out of your life.  Make this a clear firm moment in your life and maybe even write down the date.  We always have the freewill to make such a decision.  See my post – You have a choice!  After you make the decision, make a plan of attack for yourself.  Don’t leave things up to chance.  Change your old habits.  Make a detailed strategy and plan to fight crossdressing.

 

4.  Pray.

If you are not a Christian, I think figuring out what you believe about the meaning of life, what you believe about God, is far more important than anything to do with crossdressing.  It’s more important that you think about life and death and why we exist than to read my website.  But for help in thinking this through, you could read – My Perspective.

For those who already have a relationship with Jesus, prayer is vital.  There are few components to this.  1.  Prayer of confession and repentance and asking God’s forgiveness for past crossdressing and related sins.   2.  Prayers of thanksgiving for forgiveness, salvation, and God’s love.   3.  Prayer to ask God for help to overcome the crossdressing addiction.  4.  Prayer as just talking to God, growing in your relationship with him.  Praise him, thank him, worship him, talk to him.  Become more intimate and purposeful in your relationship with God.  Continue with this step until you die:)

 

5.  Read, study, and memorize Scripture.

Delve into Scripture, the Bible, God’s Word.  Fill your mind with truth.  Fill your mind with God’s promises of forgiveness and grace.  Fill your mind with God’s promises of him giving us the power to resist sin.  Learn about God.  Read about Jesus’ life.  Grow in your relationship with him.  Follow the Bible’s instruction about how to life a full, joyful, fulfilling, fruitful life as God intended.  Continue with this step until you die as well.   It would be helpful to read some of the “Helpful Bible Verses” posts I have done.  These posts explain some good passages for you to begin with.  I also have some posts on specific Bible passages.  On my sidebar go to the “Bible” category to find all of these posts.
https://healingcd.wordpress.com/category/bible/

 

6.  Get rid of temptations.

Giving up crossdressing will be extremely difficult at first.  To help ourselves as much as possible we need to try to lessen the amount of triggers and temptations in our lives.  One obvious first step is getting rid of any secret stash of clothing right away.  Take it to Goodwill and be done with it.  There is no reason for you to keep it.  If you think you might go back to crossdressing someday and therefore it would be a waste to get rid of the clothes, then, (in my opinion), you really haven’t committed to stopping yet.  You need to go back to some of the first few steps again.

If the internet is a problem for you, consider getting an internet filter.  If your wife’s clothing being left out is a problem for you, consider telling her what she can to help you better.  Don’t do things that are technically “okay” if they will trigger your addiction.  For me that meant little things like not wearing an apron – I Won’t Put on that Apron.
Be wise about how you take trips – Ideas for Successful trips.
Grow a beard so that crossdressing will be less satisfying and easy.  (Plus this also might help you to feel more like a man again) –  Virtues of a beard.

Be careful about being alone so much of the time.  Get around other people.  Spend more time with friends or outside hobbies.  See this friend’s post – Home Alone.  Fill your time with something different things – Get a Hobby.
I think it is important to stop crossdressing cold turkey rather than through gradual lessening of crossdressing in the attempt to lessen the desires and temptations.  See my post –  unconditioning.  However, there are other forms of conditioning/unconditioning, mostly done with counselors, that could be helpful in stopping crossdressing.  My friend’s post here briefly talks about this and has many links for further information about these techniques –  The rejection cycle.

Consider fasting – Fasting can be a good recovery tool.

Don’t expect it to be easy to heal from this addiction.  Don’t expect it to be easy to reduce the temptations.  You would put a lot of time into learning a language or an instrument.  You would put a lot of effort into getting rid of a drug addiction.  Why expect this to be different?
Read – No more half measures.

 

7. Dealing with temptations that come

It’s one thing to get rid of as many temptations as we can.  But what do we do when temptations do make it through to us?  What can we do when we suddenly have a strong desire to put on our wife’s sexy black high heels or really want to read the latest crossdressing fiction story online?  We have to be ready to deal with the temptations and desires we will inevitably still experience.  Here are a few ideas.

First of all, stick to your commitment not to give in to crossdressing at all.  And I would add, do not to let yourself fantasize about crossdressing at all.  You don’t need to kick yourself for having a crossdressing thought come into your mind.  But don’t let yourself dwell in pleasurable crossdressing fantasies.  If you want to really successfully stop crossdressing and find healing from it, you have to fight these fantasies as well.  Fantasizing about it only adds more power to it, and you’ll probably eventually manifest the fantasies through concrete actions of crossdressing.  (Not to mention God cares about what goes on in our hearts and minds beyond just what we do).

But this is not to say we should suppress our crossdressing desires.  When they come we should acknowledge them and deal with them.  Trying to ignore them or bury them will probably either just cause them to bubble forth like a volcano at some later point, or cause you mental anguish.  It’s important we be honest with ourselves about the thoughts that come into our minds, but then deal with them without burying them.  See a friend’s post about suppression here – Suppression.  Try the Rain approach to temptation – Don’t Suppress your desires.

Learn how to fight against Satan’s temptations – How Satan tempts us to crossdress.

Something I’ve found most helpful is telling myself affirmations of truth during times of temptation.  I break through the crossdressing rationalizations and lies by reminding myself, “I don’t really want to crossdress.”  “I don’t want to sin because I love God and am thankful for his forgiveness.”  “I always feel stupid after crossdressing.”  See a more full description of this here – Importance of Affirmations.

I also have found distractions to be helpful during times of temptations.  The sexual power of crossdressing temptations often makes me lose my head.  But if I do something else briefly, rational thinking returns and the strong temptation subsides.  For me playing an engaging video game helps a lot.  For others it could be playing an instrument, taking a walk, working out, etc.  See my post – Video games are helpful.  See also this post – Get a Hobby.

It also helps to have some way to get rid of sexual build up and tension.  For those of us who are married, finding ways to have more sexual or just physical time with our wife can be very helpful.  And if you’ve opened up to her about your fight against your crossdressing addiction, she may be more willing to help you out with more sexual time together.  Another way to release the sexual tension is to use masturbation as a crutch.  But you have to be careful with this one.  For many crossdressers it might be nearly impossible to masturbate while thinking about anything other than crossdressing.  If this is the case, you may have to avoid masturbation altogether.  But for me, I found it very helpful to give up crossdressing and increase my desire for my wife by thinking about her while masturbating.  It took discipline.  But releasing that sexual tension at times was very helpful when tempted.  You can read more about the thorny issue of masturbation – here.

 

8. Get some accountability.

Realize that you probably are not going to be successful doing this alone.  Find others in your life to support you, some for indirect support, and some people for direct support who know about your crossdressing struggle.  Part of this support could be going to church.  It could be finding a specific church small group to admit your struggle to.  It could be joining a sex addicts anonymous group.   – Sex Addicts Anonymous’s Twelve Steps

It could include telling a couple close friends about your addiction and getting their encouragement and accountability.  It could involve telling your wife.  Telling close friends and my wife was immensely helpful to me.  We all need people to confess our sins to because when we confess to someone, temptations lose their power over us.  We need people to ask us regularly how we are doing.  We need people who will stick by us through thick and thin.  We need people who will encourage us.  We need people who will celebrate with us when we are successful at beating crossdressing, and people who will help pick us back up and remind us of God’s grace at times that we fail.   We need to commit to telling the truth if we are going to be successful.  See my post on telling the truth about our crossdressing to others – Telling the truth.
Also, see my friend’s post about this – Truth and Honesty.

I’d highly encourage you to tell your wife about your crossdressing struggle.  Being a woman, and being in such an intimate relationship with you puts her in a unique position.  Just telling her will help you, even though it could be very painful for both of you at first.  But the truth may just set you both free.  Having your wife know brings a reality check to your actions that is hard to match.  She can help you realize the foolishness of what you were doing and encourage you in your new fight against it.  She can help you think through your own personality and struggle with crossdressing.  I also think this kind of honesty is terribly vital for such an important and intimate relationship like marriage.  Crossdressing is something that has shaped your entire life, and it would help her to understand you better to know about it.

You also might want to consider confessing sins of crossdressing to your wife, sister, mother, or others in your life that you might have confused or hurt by your crossdressing, as well as asking them for forgiveness.  Last, I have an email prayer list I’ve created for those of us who are fighting and struggling together or have a heart to pray for those who are struggling.  It’s a great way to receive prayer and help from others who are also fighting crossdressing – Email Prayer Chain.

 

9.  Find a valuable purpose in life and positive ways to use your energy

I think a lot of us can’t seem to give up our struggle with crossdressing we don’t take life very seriously.  We don’t get much fulfillment out of other things in life.  We are just ticking the time away, not working hard at our jobs, not finding ways to contribute to the world and help other people.  We have no ultimate purpose in life, such as the purpose of loving God, living for him, and loving other people because of God’s love for us.  If life is pretty meaningless for you, and nothing really stretches you, or gives you joy and fulfillment, then of course you’d keep turning back to crossdressing or pornography for fleeting pleasures.  So my first piece of advice here again is to find your ultimate purpose and meaning in life in God.  And then figure out what his specific purpose is for you in your life.  What has he created you to do?  How can he use you to impact the world and make it a better place in some small but meaningful ways?  Consider reading “The Purpose Driven Life.”

Besides just finding a purpose in life, we need positive ways to use our energy.  Volunteering, helping people out, fun hobbies, and getting involved in church are just a few ways to learn how to spend our time differently.  Instead of spending all of our free time hiding in closets in our wives’ clothes, we can do things that have value, and things that help others.  Try something new.  Read some good books.  Stretch yourself out of your comfort zone.  Find some adventure in life beyond crossdressing.

I also include in this step rediscovering who we are as men.  Start letting your male traits out.  Enjoy being a man.  Have your wife affirm your manhood.  Upgrade your male wardrobe.  Enjoy taking care of your appearance as a man.  Enjoy looking good as a man.  Randall Wayne has wrote some on this.  Our perspectives might be slightly different, but he’s got a lot of good stuff to say in his testimony – here.

Find out what the Bible says about true manhood and personhood.  Many of the stereotypes about masculinity and femininity in our culture are at best stifling, and at worst destructive, and may even have contributed to our developing desires for crossdressing.  Learn to integrate the contrasting aspects of your personality that were divided into your male self and crossdressing self.  Be a whole complete human being.  Those aspects of your personality that you stifled in order to be a man of our culture, and which came out in your crossdressing times, integrate them into your real self.  My friends have some helpful thoughtful posts along these lines.
Counter-productive
Underlying feelings wants needs
In search of unification
Contrasting Aspects

Last, a little tidbit.  Take your desire for female beauty and interest in fashion and point it towards your girlfriend or wife.  Talk to her about fashion and what you find beautiful. Go shopping with her and help her find things that look good on her.  You can enjoy the female clothes in the way they were supposed to be enjoyed by you, that is, on your wife or girlfriend.  This way you can utilize your healthy attention to female beauty in a healthy non-deceitful way.  A friend has a helpful post on this.
Insights from Outlets

 

10. Make peace with the reality that the temptations might never go away.

Like most temptations to sin, the reality is that the temptations might never completely go away.  This is just the reality and should not make us depressed.  Treat crossdressing like an addiction.  An alcoholic might always have certain small desires to drink, but they continue to resist the rest of their life.  Similarly, we might desire it at times for the rest of our lives, but we can still resist.  And we can still lead a healthy fulfilling life.  To read more about this, please read my post – Healing doesn’t mean no more temptations.

But don’t focus so much on the future,  just to take things one day at a time.  The day’s problems and temptations are enough to worry about.

I would like to encourage you though that it is of course possible for your crossdressing desires to completely go away.  Each person is different and there are some who seem to have no more temptations.   For me, my crossdressing desires are largely nonexistent these days.  Once in a while, rarely, I’ll have some crossdressing temptations, but they’ve become easy to resist.  I think that for any of us who stop crossdressing, after the first really hard withdrawal period, the crossdressing temptations slowly start to lessen in strength.  For more about my experience with lessening temptations, you can read my “progress reports.”

 

11.  Deal with failure in a healthy way.

If you fail, spend time confessing to God and enjoying his forgiveness, and then get going again in your fight against crossdressing.  Don’t let Satan use your failure for evil.  Satan hits us hard in our failures.  He loves to make us wallow in condemnation, thinking we aren’t good enough to be forgiven by God.  It’s true we aren’t good enough, but God forgives us because of his merciful and loving nature, not because we deserve forgiveness.  And Satan also likes to use failure to make us think we have no power over sin and so we might as well give up.  But God promises us that he has given us the power to resist any temptation that comes our way.  See my post – Healing doesn’t mean no more temptations.

Satan also likes to encourage us to conquer sin using our own strength.  This only leads to failure or pride.  The true way to fight sin, is to find joy in God’s forgiveness, and be transformed by that forgiveness and grace.  Then we fight sin, not for our own pride, not using our own strength, but we do it with God’s strength.  We fight sin out of thanksgiving for God’s grace, not in order to earn God’s grace.  Keep going back to God’s forgiveness and grace.  It should be the motivation for all the good that we do.  We aren’t trying to earn anything.
See how I dealt with a depressing failure here – Progress Report 1-30-13 – How I successfully fought temptation…but then failed.

 

12.  Try to understand yourself more deeply.

I’m convinced that an important part of the healing process from crossdressing, is trying to understand ourselves more deeply.  Rather than just stopping crossdressing and leaving it in the past, we should spend some time researching, studying, and thinking about what caused us to develop the crossdressing desires we have.  But be careful about doing this.  Wait until you’ve successfully stopped crossdressing for a while, otherwise studying it and thinking about it could cause you to stumble.

When you are in a safe place in your journey of giving up crossdressing ask yourself these questions.  What emotions and thoughts were going on behind the actions and behind the temptations?  Think about how crossdressing has shaped your personality both positively and negatively.  How did God use this part of your past for good, or how will he use it for good?  Think through gender issues.  Think through personality issues.  Think through the ways crossdressing has affected your life.  You could also consider seeing a counselor to help you work through these issues, but realize you may know far more about crossdressing and its effects than your counselor.  It’s a subject that hasn’t been studied enough.  Further, many counselors seem to think its harmless and don’t realize how destructive it can be.

On my site and the sites of my fellow fighters, there are plenty of thoughtful posts that think through these types of questions.  I won’t link to all of them because I could link to dozens from each site.  But here is a friend’s post about this process itself of discovery and understanding ourselves.
A narrow way

You can start working through my full blog post list – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/

Conclusion – I hope these steps have been helpful to you.  There’s obviously much more that could be said.  But this is a beginning.  Feel free to contact me.  Let me know if you would like prayer.  Friendly criticisms and disagreements are accepted as well.  If I’ve overlooked a post on your website that would be helpful to link to, please don’t take offense.  I linked to these ones because they are ones I remembered.  If you have others to suggest please tell me and I can always add them if I find them helpful.  Thank you for reading.

122 comments on “12 Steps to Stop Crossdressing

  1. Mike says:

    I don’t have a wife, so i feel like recovery from this is impossible. I want to stop, I wish I could, I feel hopeless

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  2. thorin25 says:

    Mike, I want to tell you clearly that I do not believe recovery is impossible for anyone. Let me ask you something first, are you a Christian? Do you have a relationship with Jesus?

    I hope you do, let me know. But even if you do not, I still think recovery is possible for you. Let’s talk more

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  3. Mike M says:

    Ive been cross dressing off and on for years now but i made the biggest mistake of not telling my wife the truthand my struggle with this and now she does not want to be with me no more and we have 4kids. I am a Christian and been asking God to help me but i ran to the vomit and was caught again.me and my wife talked about this b4 lots of times but its now gotten worse. Its coming down to divorce im sure of it but ive prayed asking God to save are marriage and i know he will but its all up to me now with his help. And me contacting you would be a first step for me. Can u help me please.

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  4. thorin25 says:

    Mike I will pray for you right now, and ask our Lord to please save your marriage and bring healing and reconciliation for you both, and victory over your sin. But you have to do the hard work. I recommend you continue to read the posts on my site. Repent and confess to your wife. Make a commitment to never do this sin again. Get an accountability partner. Talk to your pastor. Join our email prayer group of other men who struggle with this same sin of crossdressing so you can get their prayer and support – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Pray and fill your mind with God’s Word. Ask your wife to forgive you and tell her you are going to do what it takes to fight this sin and heal from this brokenness. I am sad that she is not more willing to listen and forgive and move on in healing together with you instead of immediately going to divorce, but I don’t know all of your history and perhaps she has already been patient for years waiting for you to stop giving in to this secret sin.

    You are in a tough spot, but with God there is always hope. Keep praying, let this be a huge time or change in your life, not only from breaking away from this sin finally, but in growing in your relationship with God. I have a page here for wives too if your wife wants some support from other women – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/

    I recommend you tell your wife about this site, she can read here to understand more about this condition, and also to find new hope that other men have quit and other marriages have healed. Showing her this site or at least telling her about it might help to show her also that you are taking this seriously and want to change.

    Ultimately you cannot control your wife. She should forgive you, it’s what God has commanded us to do, but you cannot force her to do so. And I do think like me, you’ve been unfaithful to your marriage and so it’s legitimate grounds for divorce, but if I was her pastor I’d be steering her away from divorce and viewing it as a last ditch option only to be gone to if you were not repenting and not trying to change. I hope she can see it that way also.

    This is a critical moment in your life. But there is hope. God is good, all the time, and I pray that he uses this moment to break your bondage to sin, and help both you and your wife to together be amazed at God’s grace and forgiveness (for you both, not just you), and together see that God can bring transformation and healing in your lives.

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  5. Thorin25,Thanks for leaving a reply on my reply, and my name is Casey, and I don’t wear diapers as a sexual fetish, personally it’s not a fetish, but something to calm me down there is a difference between wearing an item of clothing for a fetish(aka for sexual gratification), or wearing an item for security and comfort. and Technically, I only wear diapers in time of turmoil or stress or on long car trips more than 50 miles one way and that’s usually the only time i wear them the rest of the time i wear my regular brief boxers(brief boxers are a combination of men’s boxer shorts and men’s tighty whitey underwear(but comes in more colors than white). let me try to be clearer to you,i don’t get sexual pleasure from wearing diaper or any other type of clothing, the diapers are just to calm a person down to make them think more like a child to understand reason and logic, and God the father told me himself, i can wear diapers as long as it doesn’t interfere with my relationship with him or others but i can’t wear the diapers all the time which i don’t considering if people did start wearing diaper 24/7 365 days a year then if they would want to go back to their regular underwear they couldn’t considering by forcing themselves to wear diapers they would have to re-potty train themselves but I don’t want to lose my bowel function and only need to wear diapers for comfort and security and not by necessity(incontinent people), the other way i used to handle stress was more of a crazier way and could be put into the nuthouse if you handle the stress in public, The way i used to handle stress beside the old crossdressing which i stopped thank you, god, was by making monkey/gorilla noises, and if you made those noise out in public or at your job then most likely you might’ve been fired so i held my stress in until i got home. and I still sometimes make those gorilla noise but mostly i rely on diapers to calm me down but I don’t wear them all the time because I don’t want to become incontinent(once you become incontinent wearing diapers become more of a necessity than calming down effect) and I never use diaper for as a sexual fetish(aka sexual gratification, aka sexual pleasure), why do i wear diapers on long car trips even only 50 miles one way well, because last time i took a road trip to Madison, GA(madison city, not madison county, ga) and that 50 miles from where I live, and I was trying out my new GPS(Global Positioning System), to find a horseback riding range in Madison City, GA; and I usually use the shortest distance, longer time routes, and went on back roads with gravel dirt roads,and I just a soda to drink and gravel makes you pee alot faster and there was no gas station in site and (technically if you pulled over and peed on a tree you could get arrested for public indecency that’s a law in georgia which means 1 to 3 days in jail) and if it wasn’t for an old timey gas station 10 miles before i reached the horseback riding range, i’d probably pee in pants which would be embarrassing.and then i found the horseback riding range and then i went home on the same day and i was testing out my gps and bladder to see if i could do a long car trip without having to stop by the bathroom 10 to 15 times and yes I’m a 24 yr heterosexual(straight), genetic(xy chromosome) male and I still present myself as such. and diapers doesn’t necessarily break gods rules considering what was the old fashioned type of underwear they wore in biblical time most people would say today, that’s not underwear that’s a cloth diaper(and yes people today would probably say that.) and diapers are unisex not specifically made for one gender or another well, old fashioned diapers that is. which is what i buy but i don’t use the diapers for a sexual fetish/sexual gratification/sexual pleasure(in other word, the ones who use diapers as a fetish cum in their diapers which i don’t.just saying if you didn’t know the meaning of the words). I only wear diapers to handle stress and comfort and security and on long car trips only. Sorry i was rambling because diapers to some people might be a sexual fetish(which means those people cum in their diapers, but i do not which means I don’t use diapers as a sexual fetish, I use them for convenience for long car trips and for to handle my stress, and for comfort and security. That’s what i use diapers for.

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  6. thorin25 says:

    Casey, even if it’s not sexual, can’t you see that that isn’t what God intended? That we are supposed to find comfort in him, not in pretending to be a baby? This is psychological dysfunction, even if not sexual dysfunction. I’m not judging you. We all have our problems, But i encourage you to see a counselor about this.

    1 Corinthians 13 – . 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

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  7. Paul says:

    Hi. I have been crossdressing since i was 12. I am now 38 years old. I want to stop as i am jeopardising losing my family. My wife found some of my tights in drawer. The last time this happened a couple of years ago i promised i would never do this again. If i ever did she would leave me. I do not want to lose my wife but need some sort of help so i never
    crossdress again. I am not a religous person but would appreciate some help or guidance that you can offer.

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  8. thorin25 says:

    It’s okay to be at this site and look for help even if you are not religious. There are tons of good posts for you to read and get help from.

    You certainly are not alone of all the crossdressing men who have destroyed their families, jobs, and lives. You can stop. The desires might not all go away, but you are able to stop and have self control, and still live a fulfilling life. Stopping is so worth it. Living in addiction and confusion is not healthy.

    I encourage you to read more of my posts to get your ideas and tips of how to stop –
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/

    But I do hope you will take some time to think about the big picture of life, what is life about, is God real, and what is the purpose of life….
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/my-perspective/

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  9. Henry Ateris says:

    I have been a crossdresser for years look good very passable and can even do the voice,the moves,mannerisms all of it .I used to have guys trying to pick me up all night( I refused as I’m straight) when I went out a lot in the late 90’s and had a great bunch of friends in Toronto.It was fun but after an entire night I’d often had enough.I did this nearly every other week for nearly 4 years,expensive hobby as it is.
    I also had over the years 5 girlfriends who encouraged it and dressed me fully some got a kick out of it BUT like all things I believe most women have an expiration date in regards to how long they will be accepting.My last gf of almost 7 years was amazing with it but once I got into a deep depression and started to question my sexuality she automatically considered me just like Bruce Jenner/Caitlyn which I know more than ever I am not.I am currently on antidepressants and now see things much clearly,I’m more driven, more focused and know what I want finally after many years of struggling with all kinds. Women don’t mind many of us wearing a few things here and there BUT ultimately they like being the girl and want a MAN beside them they like the security of feeling safe and another woman being there will eventually turn her off. I should know.
    My last gf has told her new guy and perhaps her entire family as they will no longer reply to me in any way.I wish I could reaffirm to her that I am more man than when she first met me and regret any turmoil I put her through,dressing + depression ruined a once loving relationship,I thought she was to be my wife and would do anything to change her mind about me.

    Crossdressing is ultimately a relationship destroyer in many cases as in my own.I want to be free of ANY and all desire for the rest of my life ,thanks so much for any leads and a very well written site, Good Luck friend H

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  10. fighting hard says:

    hi i am a 15 year old kid from an asian country.i first started crossdressing when i was about 6,i don’t know why.i saw one of my sisters dresses .and i just did it.from that time on i have become a person who crossdress nearly 2 times a day.and then i masturbate .and in the end feel awful about myself.
    i have gotten caught twice by my grandmother,who didn’t understand what i was doing and just asked me to stop.but i started again.
    but i recently thought of going online to find some help,because my culture,it really doesn’t let me tell others my temptations and anyway i am too afraid.but when i found this site it was really helpful.
    i realize it wont be easy to stop.but i will.i may not have been a christian but after reading all those posts i also have realized the greatness of god.so from the bottom of my heart i thank the writer of this post , for he just saved a whole life from evil and sin.

    thank you.

    Like

  11. thorin25 says:

    Fighting hard, thank you for coming here and commenting. I truly hope my site helps you. It is very possible to stop crossdressing. You can find change and healing and learn contentment as a man as well as finding relief from this sexual addiction. But it takes work like you said. I highly encourage you to continue to read more and more of my posts and articles on this website.

    In addition, please continue to think more about your relationship with God. Read this and if you are interested in learning more about God and the Christian faith, I can give you some resources or books online to read. Just let me know if you’d like to read more.
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/my-perspective/

    You can read the Bible online for free at http://www.biblegateway.com. A good place to begin would be to read the Gospel of John – https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+1&version=NIV

    If you want to want to read about some basic Christian beliefs, let me know!

    I pray that God would continue to reveal himself to you and that he would use this time not only to help you get rid of crossdressing, but to give you meaning and purpose in life in Him.

    Like

  12. Temptedsinner says:

    Dear Fighting Hard.
    Thank you for your bravery and wisdom to see and admit that this has become a problem.
    How or why we take that first step that seems so innocent… many of us will never know.
    As you said you are a 15 year old kid! Please do not do as I and many others have done and become a slave to this for 20, 30 or 40 years. It is very lonely and it separates us from our creator and keeps us from being the men we were born to be..
    Please continue to read and comment on this site. Your testimony may encourage other young men to see a need for change in their own lives.

    Thank you for speaking up!

    Temptedsinner

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  13. Temptedsinner says:

    Henry
    There is much truth in what you have written.
    Please feel free to share more as you read other posts.
    Thanks for sharing

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  14. James says:

    Cross-dressing is not an addiction per say it is built into us which is down to emotion feelings. I believe no-one chooses to cd they just do because it is right for them, if this is the case they should embrace it and therefore there wouldn’t be a reason to stop.

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  15. thorin25 says:

    James, how do we determine what desires are “us” and what are “not us.” Our my selfish desires part of “who I am?” Or should those desires be resisted? See this post and give me your thoughts –
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2015/07/01/the-myth-of-choosing-to-be-yourself/

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  16. Thorin25, thanks for saying that verse, because I knew it was somewhere, and Technically the verse you mentioned also applies to the maturity and mental age the human not just the physically chronological age of the human, just so you know.
    and the verse you’ve given me was this: 1 Corinthians 13:11, I think that was the correct one;

    “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

    I believe that this verse applies to the mental state or mental age of the human in question. as well as the chronological age too. and psychiatrists just want to take your money from you. And Like I said before “I only wear diapers in times in turmoil and stress”, which means only when I’m stressed out, or when I’m on long car trips that are more than 50 miles one way, one reason to save time and not waste time looking for a bathroom because well, last time I went a car trip to madison, ga(madison city, ga) from my oglethorpe county, ga, during this trip i didn’t wear diapers at all during this trip and i went the back way to get there, but in the middle of the trip i had to pee very badly and there were no trees in sight or anything of the sort, because here in the south, you can get arrested for peeing on the side of the street, and what they would call that would be public indecency which can land you a day or 2 in jail maybe even a week in jail, so i had to try to hold it until i could find a place to use the bathroom and luckily i found a old mom and pop gas station store, 5 miles or more before my destination. I had to pee like, remember the movie “Carpool(1996) The one with Tom Arnold,I pee like Andrew, when Franklin Lazlo played by Tom Arnold said “There goes my record” which means he had a record of how long he had to pee and how much he could possibly hold and stuff.That is what I mean, And Diaper wearing true are usually meant for babies, senior citizen folks with Alzheimer’s Disease as well as some disability folk as well which means incontinent folk. And How do doctors test your bladder and bowels in the first place anyways? Why because I was in a car wreck in 2008 late 2008 and after that car wreck, I had problems with going to the bathroom(number 2 mostly) because my intestines hurt(present and past tense) each and every time i had to go to the bathroom for number 2 and now today my intestines or bowels hurt only if i hold in my bowels for too long. Can a person have a bruised or scarred tissue in their bowels or intestines, because I think that wreck in 2008 left either scar tissue or bowel problems for me mostly, but Had to continue my reasoning.

    I have a question for you thorin25, what if a person is incontinent, would they be allowed to wear diapers or not? and since the verse you mention doesn’t necessarily excluded incontinent people does it?

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  17. thorin25 says:

    Casey, of course there is no problem with wearing diapers if you are incontinent. I surely see why some adults (especially elderly) need to wear them.

    Sorry, but in your original comment you didn’t make it sound like this was the real reason. If I am honest and blunt, it sounds like you are using the lack of bathrooms or feelings of incontinency, as your excuse to rationalize to yourself why you need to wear them. In your original comment you talked about how diapers give you security and comfort and help with your stress. That tells me this is a psychological issue, perhaps due to trauma in childhood? I don’t know. But to me it is common sense that a healthy person would not find comfort and security in wearing diapers, and even more so, a Christian finds there comfort and security in God, not in wearing women’s clothing, wearing diapers, etc.

    Do you really think you couldn’t hold your pee in? In your normal life do you ever find yourself barely making it to the bathroom?

    To me, there seems to be a lot of overlap between sexual fetishes and other odd habits that people do for stress, anxiety, and comfort. For example, crossdressing is clearly a sexual fetish for many people, but for those same people it can reduce stress, anxiety, and bring comfort (although it can increase stress and anxiety after the fact). Other crossdressers say they do it only for comfort and reducing stress, with no sex involved. Other crossdressers say they do it to let out their feminine side or to feel like themselves, with no sex involved. But I think something can be sexual even if there is no masturbation involved. Just as my marriage is still sexual even when I’m not turned on. I enjoy time with my wife even when not having sex. In a similar way, crossdressers or diaper wearers may enjoy that time with their fetish, even when not masturbating.

    Just go to a transgender fiction site and see all the stories about crossdressing, and all the stories about diapering. It’s a fetish for many people.

    I find some security in wearing a seatbelt in the car, but that makes sense. A seatbelt logically makes me more safe. Think logically about wearing diapers or women’s clothing. Neither logically should give us comfort or security or reduce stress. That should tell you clearly there is something broken psychologically going on. I recommend seeing a counselor about this. Trying to understand how this developed in you in the first place could be helpful.

    The verse in context is talking about spiritual maturity. But Paul is using natural age and maturity as an analogy to talk about spiritual maturity. Because it is common sense, in Paul’s time, and in ours, that children grow up into adults and are no longer to act like children.

    Casey, I feel for you. This is an embarrassing problem and it takes courage even to talk about it here on this site. And I know you did not choose to feel this way. I know it’s hard. But I wanted to write to you clearly what I think about this, and hope you are willing to think it through

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  18. Thorin25, thanks for that informative reply, but also, who do i go to for intestinal problems, what is the name of that particular study that involves intestinal which doctor should i go to for intestinal problems, like I said, before, I was in a car wreck on Oct. 3, 2008, I was t-boned on the passengers and i was turning into a stores’ parking lot which had 2 driveways, 1 from the highway to the road i lived on. and when there was a curve and hill together coming from the west going to the east, and I was going west while the car that crashed into me was going east. and I was wearing a seatbelt, of course, but i thought a car was turning into my road, or culd have been some other car, a green car i think might have been turning into my road, then a white car swerved across the double yellow line. and then t-boned, right before i made it inside the parking and was t-boned and that impact of the crash pushed the car nearly 5 feet from the driveway but i blacked out once the car hit me, so i don’t know if the car overturned and landed on it’s tires or was just pushed hard and why do i think it had overturned on me, because there was a dent in the roof after the crash which was there before. But after that crash i had panic attacks and didn’t drive for almost nearly half a year(6 months) and after that crash i had problem with going to the bathroom literally, meaning i could make it to the bathroom, but everytime i had to go number 2 or poop, it hurt so bad that it took nearly an hour for me to finish pooping for nearly 6 weeks to 2 months(8 weeks). and the pain went away after nearly 2 months and no, I didn’t get checked out by medical professionals after the wreck happened considering we had some financial problems. which is the reason why i didn’t get checked out. but i thought after those 2 months after the pain stopped hurting me, I thought I was over with the pain, but I was wrong, now every time i try to hold my bowels in for tooooo long the pain starts up again only if i hold in bowels for too long or when I eat spicy foods and I still live with my parents, and my dad goes to sleep around 9pm, and so technically we have only 1 bathroom after my dad goes to sleep, i can’t use the bathroom outside or wouldn’t i get arrested for public indecency or something of the sort? and every time i have to use the bathroom, my mother or my sister is always in there at the same time ive got to use the bathroom and we have only 2 bathrooms in all in our modular home(Manufactured home), 1 near my and my sister’s bedroom, and 1 in my dad’s and mom’s bedroom the master bedroom and no, my mom has medical problems so she can’t sleep in her bedroom anymore so she sleeps in the living room in a recliner chair, to control her snoring and other medical problems that she has. and What medical problems does my mom have, my mom has rheumatoid arthritis(RA), Osteoarthritis(OA) and hypothyroidism and when my mom’s thyroid acts up her legs swell to nearly the size of a baby’s elephants legs( or a premature baby’s elephant’s legs to clear things up) and no that is not a euphemism that is the truth and so my mom doesn’t go into my dad’s bedroom when she has to use bathroom after he goes to sleep. but before he goes to sleep she does but sometimes when my sister is in the bathroom, my mom is in the other bathroom and sometimes i have to go number 2 so bad that you can actually hear gurgling sounds coming from the gut. and not sure if that is normal or not, but i don’t think it’s normal. Had to explain my bladder and bowel problems in full so you could understand it better.

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  19. zahdah says:

    Hi Casey,
    I’ve read each of your posts, and to be honest, they all sound like an excuse to do what you want. I’ve been through that with numerous people (alcoholic, CDing, drug addiction, depression). The question is, do you want healing or permission? I have found if people try to convince me that what they are doing is ok, they already know it’s not.

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  20. To Thorin25 and Zahdah, I just asked if i need to go to a doctor or something like maybe a psychiatrist as well, and well, do people, have bruised intestines or not? for example: my parents have humongous and numerous medical problems that can be cured with a flick of a switch, these medical problems my parents have,well, will be part of a med school’s textbook, and to be honest, I’m not sure if seeing a psychiatrist would be the right answer for the diaper wearing sure, but should i tell them the entire story considering that the devil uses doctors as well as psychiatrists to do his dirty work as well, so who do i trust and who can trust. this website yes, i know i can trust to a certain extent, and no, they are not an excuse well, i don’t think they are at least, i’m just telling you what god told me, here is one of the passages from my autobiography that i’ve written:

    And This is to you, religious fanatics out there.

    No, Diaper wearing is not a sin in and of itself, it only becomes a sin, if you let the diaper wearing interfere with your relationship with God.keyword “interfere”. And That’s the only time it ever becomes a sin. I only wear diapers like I mentioned here in my life story. And God always comes first. then after I spend my time with God, Then If I’m going somewhere like grocery shopping I wear diapers, depending on what day it is and depending on what time it is as well, because even though grocery stores have those self- checkout they still have long lines as well. but if at home alone, then i wear normal boxer briefs.And Like I said, before, A sin is something that always comes first before you put god first and if that happens then whatever you put first before God. “Then” it becomes a sin. You are always supposed to put God himself first in your life, then family, then the diaper wearing, Since I always put God first my diaper wearing is not a sin at all.

    and this is what god himself told me to say not the devil, god, how do i know this is because God takes into account your chronological age and your mental age as well, and determines the best possible way to help you succeed and remember it took me nearly 7 to 8 to possibly 12 yrs before i finally stopped crossdressing, and i think either i might have started at one point in my childhood crossdressing at a young age, if you count pull-up diapers as a version of cross-dressing and stuff. but still some diapers are unisex, which is what i wear and have you lived my life, yes or no. And How do i know this is what god says, is because every time i ask god a question, i wait for a sign the next morning and what is the sign,well do you remember what the air smelled like right after you got baptized? if you don’t that’s fine, well, i do, the smell i smelled was cinnamon rolls, and it was the winter of course, but nobody makes cinnamon rolls around 12pm, well i don’t think they do, and i looked around trying to figure out where the smell was coming from, looked at each of the house near my church, and business and farmers markets and not one of them was selling or eating cinnamon rolls, so how could i have smelled cinnamon rolls if no one cooked them or was cooking them. then i figured it was a sign from god, to tell me of his presence. he might smell differently to each believer but the love is there for sure. So every time i wait for that same sign each and every time i will be able to hear an answer that day.when i smelled cinnamon rolls and i’ve always listened with my whole heart, it might not seem like it to you, but i do listen and just so you know, I haven’t worn diapers for a while in the first place, but later on down the road, i fear that i might go incontinent or something. and why i haven’t worn diapers is because 1. don’t have the money, 2. i spend whatever money i do make on my pets, and guess how many dogs, i have, i have 7 dogs, 2 outside, and 5 inside, and yes I plan on keeping all of them, just in case you thought about asking.3. I’m trying to build a pen for the inside dogs so i take put them in the pens instead of inside the house. 4. I’m saving up whatever is left over to buy a house considering I still live with my parents and whatever the house costs you want to live in you have to put a down payment of whatever the full price of the house is. So as of this moment, I haven’t worn diapers since the dogs were born in the first place which was when sometime around early to mid 2014. And I had to become more responsible for my pets and stuff. and so i had to reorganize my habits agains,so its now God First, Family Second(Family sometimes includes pets), then the hobbies or habits you have. and some people put pets like this:God first, Family Second, Pets third, and the habit last and so my diaper wearing is almost non existent very rare, why because 1. too expensive, i need money to build the pens outside for my dogs and do you know how much galvanized steel posts are, 9 dollars -13 dollars per post. and you need 8 for one, and i barely make enough money to build this pen at once, so any money i ever do make always goes straight to the dogs pens or medical bills.

    And what if a person or if I do become incontinent at a young age and yes, young folk can become incontinent “without forcing themselves to be”and do you know what one of the causes of incontinence usually is,, yes that’s right, one of the cause would be trauma to the spinal cord and the spinal cord, can get damaged in a car wreck as well., and what about the down syndrome people some people believe that those people wear diapers, including epilesy folk and other medical disease ridden folk as well, and now are those people breaking god’s law for not putting the diapers away or something of the sort. if not, then that’s splitting hairs, if you ask me, just saying.

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  21. thorin25 says:

    Casey, I’m not sure why you are telling us all of this. I am not an expert on doctors and bowel problems. If you do have a bowel problem, you certainly shouldn’t be managing it on your own, but rather seeing a doctor.

    As far as your motivation for wearing diapers, one simple question to ask yourself would be this: Did you start wearing diapers before or after the accident?

    In the end, you need to make your own decision. But with the information I’ve got from you, I don’t have all the answers for you. I hold by the things I said before, and would also suggest a psychologist/doctor.

    Hope you aren’t feeling attacked by me. I was just giving you my opinion. We can leave it there

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  22. thorin25 after the accident why considering i sometimes woke up with shitty underwear 2 times per week after maybe 3 times per week after that accident. and sorry for cussing and please forgive me for cussing

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