What kind of crossdresser are we?

I came across this chart at another blogger’s site – here – and thought it really interesting.  It’s quite a simple chart, but I found it helpful.  Here is his explanation –

Plotting a point on a chart

I have described myself as a “heterosexual crossdresser”, but this description does not give the reader any idea as to what I do when I participate in this activity. It could be, as I have mentioned before, as little as wearing nylons under my guy pants or as extreme as spending much of my free time fully dressed.

Here is an idea I have been playing with. A simple x,z chart. The horizontal  x-axis is a measure of the frequency that one dresses. The vertical y-axis, a measure of dressing intensity. This chart would be for the use of those like myself, hetero-CD’s (don’t worry if you don’t fit this chart, I’ll explain later to be more inclusive).

Example 1 would be someone completely made up maybe only once a year. Example 2 dressed all the time as a full woman, ready to move off this chart and onto something else. 3 could be someone just experimenting with crossdressing and example 4, wearing something like panties all the time because they are comfortable. Most of the time I fall into the A box with the occasional time spent in the B box. Someone who was able to spend pretty much every weekend fully dressed would be in box C and maybe if you could just wear a blouse and skirt or a few other articles of feminine attire every week or two, they would be in box D. Or to put it another way (in terms of X,Y) I’m a hetero CD X2Y10. The partly dressed weekend CD, X7Y5.”

Perhaps the distinctions that this chart can help us make aren’t really necessary, but maybe they could prove useful in how we think about our crossdressing and how we are similar or different to other crossdressers.  It could help with questions like – Why do crossdressers go down different trajectories on this chart?  What experiences or will or biological makeup shape which direction we go?

I wonder if less frequency of dressing means that it has more to do with sexual pleasure.  Someone who wants to be a woman would maybe dress more often, whereas someone just getting a quick sexual release would probably stop after the sexual release each time.  Then again, when you are addicted to sexual pleasure it makes you want to dress every day.   And this also doesn’t fit for those who wear panties all the time, who don’t masturbate while doing so, who also have no desire to be a woman.  I don’t know.  At least I am confident we can say that somebody in box 3 is not really much of a crossdresser, or at least not an addicted crossdresser like I was.  Maybe they would be someone leaning in a transgender direction and just experimenting.  And then somebody in box 2 is beyond the addicted crossdresser and rather going in the direction of a sex-change.  Anybody else have thoughts?

For me, I started dressing rarely with a single item, a dress.  From that time on, the frequency ramped up like crazy.  Pretty soon it was an every day thing.  The amount of female attire was added more gradually but still relatively quickly.  It’s hard to quench those desires for wanting more.  After a while, I was dressing all the time, and trying to dress as fully as I could each time.  I don’t know where I would have ended up because during those years of frequent dressing I never had opportunity for giving free reign to my desires because of other people around.  As I continued to crossdress off and on over the next 10 years or so, I continued to thirst for more fully dressed experiences, which could not happen quite to the fullest degree because of my limited alone time.  I even thirsted more and more just to wear female clothing all the time without the sexual pleasure.  More and more I desired to wear female clothing for days on end without needing the sexual pleasure of it.  I thought about living as a woman in the future.

Thank you Lord for rescuing me from this crossdressing bondage.  Without my family and friends, without God working in my life, throughout my whole life, I have no doubt that I could easily have ended up have getting a sex-change by this point.  At the very least, crossdressing would have become a serious force in my life and with it I would never have had the wonderful wife I have today, and all the great opportunities God has given me.

Interested to know where others of you fall on this chart, and any thoughts you have about it…..

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9 comments on “What kind of crossdresser are we?

  1. Being new to blogging, I appreciate any feedback, shares and thoughts on the subject of crossdressing. Thanks for your repost.
    I believe that the frequence of dressing is not only driven, as you say, by sexual pleasure, but also by availability of time. The chart could also slide on a timeline and one would see that where you had plotted yourself years before had changed. I know for a fact that as a young single guy with free weekends, I spent a lot of them dressed. Now as a husband and father, time is limited. M.

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  2. Jared says:

    What you pretty much described is the continuum that most crossdressers go down. It starts with one article of clothing, then before you know it your fully dressed. The more and more will make ourselves look like women, the more exciting it becomes.

    I truly feel like fully dressing as a woman does have an effect on us psychologically. While it may not always lead to a sex change, I believe that many do end up believing after some time that they are women.

    The longer one crossdresses, the harder I believe it is to stop. I think if you plotted every crossdersser’s experience on that graph, you would see a linear relationship between frequency and intensity.

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  3. Robyn says:

    What is the time frame of this chart? Our lifetime? Last year? Last month? One thing that is missing from the chart is how often crossdressing is thought about. A person may only crossdress once a year but maybe thinks about it constantly. I admit to crossdressing quite frequently and one of the “side effects” is that when I crossdress, I no longer think about it.

    @Jared, you are correct that there is a psychological effect. There is also a very strong physiological effect. And it is true that the longer one crossdresses, the harder it is to stop. Many important brain patterns and paths are formed in early adulthood. If it is not addressed before then, it is very difficult to “un-hinge”.

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  4. M says:

    This is an interesting discussion. I’ve struggled with identifying where I am as well, and it’s really confusing and contradictory. For me, I feel the need and desire to crossdress on a regular basis. When I give in, dress, visit porn sites and story sites, my fantasy and desires grow to being a full blown and passable t-girl having ‘gay’ sex with one or multiple partners. During those times, I feel like I really want that.

    However, the ‘after glow’ you mentioned in a previous post brings me back to reality… 1) I feel tremendous guilt over the sin at multiple levels. 2) based on my physical appearance I could never pass, and look ridiculous when dressed. 3) it would cost me my marriage – which is very important to me. 4) it would disappoint and likely cost me my relationship with my kids and the rest of my family.

    So the reality is that I really don’t want to crossdress and transition, and that I actually hate it. The contradiction is when the desires take hold, and I swing the exact opposite way.

    Thank God, that He has given me the reality check of the ‘after glow’. I still don’t understand why the desires grow to where they do, and I hate that because of the destruction it could cause. I’m still trying to figure that out. Thank you for helping with this blog, and the support you offer throughout…

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  5. Temptedsinner says:

    Hi M,
    I believe that the desires grow and escalate because of the material that we consume during the act of masturbation. It feeds the reward center of the brain reinforcing the unwanted sexual behavior (UWSB) with the overwhelming thrill of an orgasm. In short it is rewarding bad behavior.
    LOL check out this analogy. If you are trying to house break a puppy and he craps on the rug, you tell him “bad dog” and give him a treat….. Guess where he is likely to take next dump?
    Temptedsinner

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  6. Temptedsinner says:

    I love this story, it is so true.

    Here is some great Native American Indian (Cherokee) wisdom:
    An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
    “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
    The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
    The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
    WHICH WOLF ARE YOU FEEDING? We always have a choice

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  7. Zack says:

    I have found on this site that the cross dressing that men are into falls basically into one main category.That category is that men eventually go “all out” to look fully like women with all the outer garments for all to see. They progress step by step until they look like women from the outside. What about the casual cross dresser that does not progress into higher levels of cross dressing? What I mean is like myself that would only like to wear stockings and girdle or pantyhose-that’s all. The reason I would cross dress is because I have a fetish for those items and I also feel good when I use to wear them. I do suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder. I think the fetishism is a part of it. I am a Christian believer who puts his hope in the living King of Kings-Jesus Christ our Lord. Since I have a verifiable mental disorder wouldn’t I be shown mercy on the Day of the Lord for only wearing a few under garments? I have seen counselors and a Doctor but the fetishism is still there. Currently I am not cross dressing.

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  8. Lisa says:

    Hi Zack. It is not progressing to the next stage of crossdressing it’s taking a step backwards. Wearing female underwear is sinful and more so the action of wearing female underwear. You’re acting in a female manner. A sexual fetish for the softness of women’s undergarments is still sinful and harmful to your mental stability. Now on a positive note you say you have stopped altogether which is wonderful. So you obviously you don’t need this fetish. I am very proud of you. You still have to be strong in your lowest moments. Try to find some other way of comforting yourself on those occasions. Don’t look for excuses to justify your actions. May you continue to be free. Lots of luck Zack. God bless you for your courage and strength.

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  9. thorin25 says:

    Zack, I just read in a book that perhaps about 80% of crossdressers only wear pantyhose or female underwear, and do not necessarily progress beyond. So you are not alone. But that doesn’t make it good, normal, or okay. Ask yourself why you feel “good” when you wear them. What are you “getting” from the clothes that you should be getting somewhere else. Comfort, stress relief, sexual pleasure? Think about what it is that you need, that you feel you are getting from it, then find the true right source for what it is that you need. In most cases it is God, sometimes it is friendship, meaningful work to do, a wife, etc. Find out what it is that the clothes are doing for you.

    On Judgement Day, you are shown mercy if you are in Christ, it’s not about our good works and whether we’ve been good enough or not. We are saved by Christ’s perfect righteousness, not our good deeds. But at the same time, how do we know if we are in Christ? Repentance of sin and producing spiritual fruit. As a pastor, I would lovingly warn and challenge someone, who persisted in walking in sin without change and repentance, that that is probably evidence they are not truly born again, and they must repent and not live in that sin. Imagine asking Jesus that same question, face to face. Can you tolerate just a little sin in my life? I know you had to die on the cross and bear God’s punishment for every last little sin in my life, but seriously can you just tolerate a little bit of sin? Because those clothes feel so good….

    No, that would be foolish. You’ve stopped crossdressing. Now the hard work of learning how to live without it. A good first step is what I said in the first parapraph. But also focus on doing meaningful things in your life, focus on growing in your relationship with Christ, working hard, making disciples, serving in Church, reading God’s Word daily, finding fun things to do that aren’t sinful.

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