I just read this article – The Transvestic Career Path – by H. Taylor Buckner. I had it written down to read at a later date, so I don’t remember where I found this link and don’t know anything about the author. But I found the article to be a tremendously interesting read. It seems very well researched, and most of it fits me to a T. There are a few things that are different from my experience, and a few things I might slightly disagree with, but overall I found it very enlightening, affirming of what I believe already about these issues, and very helpful.
He talks about how one develops these transvestic crossdressing behaviors and while I’m sure he’s left certain parts out, much of it describes well my own development into a transvestite or crossdresser. Especially fitting for me were the common traits for crossdressers that he mentioned like – our failures in social expectations of masculinity, passivity, fear or intimidation of the opposite sex, and perfectionism. There seems to be a certain personality type that is somewhat more predisposed to develop a crossdressing habit. Of course, there are exceptions, just like there are exceptions to what men are generally like and what women are generally like, but those generalities may give us an interesting piece of the puzzle.
The most interesting part I thought was his talking about the crossdresser developing an internal marriage, acting as both husband and wife. (I’ve written about this here – Becoming the woman my wife is not). And this internal false marriage provides both the sexual pleasure whenever it is wanted, and social nurturing, romance, interaction and even the giving and receiving of gifts. This provides the “benefits” of a real marriage, but without the work of a true relationship and without worry about failure. But I would add that this false marriage of the crossdresser also misses out on the true best most wonderful parts of a real marriage to a real woman. Myself as a woman never provided the kind of companionship and love and adventure of my real relationship with my wife. And even the most sexually gratifying crossdressing episodes were nothing compared to even the mundane sexual times with my wife.
One of the few things I disagree with is that he seems the path of the Transvestite seems fairly rigid and doesn’t tend to lead into homosexuality or transgenderism. But from my own experience and how my own feelings and desires were starting to change over the years, and from all of my reading of stories of transvestites and transsexuals on blogs and in articles, I think it is not so rigid. I think so much of our personality, sexuality, identity can be changed by our own influence and outside influences. I think the categories overlap far more often than psychologists realize. Transvestites can become transsexuals. As he said in the article, the transvestite enters into an internal marriage, where he is functioning both as husband and as wife. Who is to say that he can’t then later embrace the wife, “female,” identity and take it over as his main identity, main view of self?
The author also doesn’t seem to leave much hope for successful change and healing for a person once this transvestic crossdressing has already gained a foothold in that person’s life. But that is something that, as you know, I disagree with very much. There is always hope. Many have found freedom already, and we can have it as well! And even if the desires for that internal marriage of crossdressing never completely go away, we can find peace and wholeness in real relationships instead, whether we are married or not, the most important relationship of which is our relationship with God.