I’d like to share one tiny piece of advice about something I’ve done that has helped me in my healing from crossdressing. This is something that can help us realize how wrong and strange crossdressing is, and also help us in our attempt to give up crossdressing. What I do is I imagine my wife being crossdressed, that is, dressed to try and look like a man. When I imagine this I am quickly disturbed and disgusted. It seems so very wrong and so very unattractive. This does 3 things.
1. It helps me to understand what she feels when she thinks about me crossdressed. How can I expect her to accept my crossdressing when it is so unnatural and disturbing? Sure, it might feel good to me, but imagining her crossdressed lets me jump into her mental shoes and see things from her point of view.
2. It cuts through my rationalizations that crossdressing is normal or healthy or natural or good. When I imagine her crossdressed, I come to realize that even I, as a crossdresser, deep down still think crossdressing is unnatural, wrong, and messed up.
3. This imagining can be used as a quick way to diffuse a crossdressing temptation. “I really would love to put on that slinky red dress.” But then quick think about my wife crossdressed and all of sudden crossdressing seems gross and not desirable.
This imagining might mean thinking about her secretly putting on my clothes without my knowledge (and that would make me feel betrayed and upset). This would help me realize the way I betrayed her trust by what I used to do with her clothes. Related to this the imagining might be her taking my underwear out of the laundry and masturbating with it (something I’ve done plenty of times). The imagining might include her trying to look like a man, or putting on fake facial hair, or going shopping for mens clothes, all of which just seems really weird and disturbing. The imagining might include one of my most powerful fantasies, that of me being crossdressed while being with her and her accepting my crossdressed self, but then if I add in her being crossdressed too, all of a sudden it seems very unpleasant because I wouldn’t be attracted to her at all.
The most powerful form of this imagining involves her using a fake penis, (which would be comparable to me pretending to have breasts perhaps), and this just utterly disgusts me to the point that I can barely let myself think about it. Or imagine your wife trying to cover up her breasts, or binding them. Those breasts which you love to caress and look at. Imagine her crushing them to her chest trying to make it look like she doesn’t have breasts. If that thought bothers you, than imagine how your wife would think of you tucking your penis, smashing it up in places where it doesn’t natural go.
I realize that this imagining might not work for everybody. Perhaps some would be turned on by the thought of their wives crossdressed. Perhaps some would really desire to have their wives crossdressed as men while they are crossdressed as women. But I would guess that for most of us, (those of us trying to give up crossdressing), this would be a helpful way to cut through rationalizations and diffuse temptations. We get so deluded after a while and our crossdressing seems so harmless or normal. We might even think we are beautiful and wonder why people think we look so strange. But if we look at things from their point of view, like imagining our wife crossdressed, we can see how not normal, how unnatural, and ugly it really is.
What really gets me is this. If I, back when I was a crossdresser, could imagine my spouse crossdressed and be disgusted. How much more would a normal person who is not a crossdresser be disgusted by the thought of someone crossdressing in these ways?!