I really like my friend Ikthys’ post called – “Calling a spade a spade.” He talks about the importance of believing for oneself that crossdressing is wrong. That is a momentous step. It’s different from just being afraid of the consequences of crossdressing. It’s different from just wanting to stop crossdressing because other people want you to. It’s different from just trying to change your behavior. It’s a really helpful post and I encourage you to read it.
Believing that crossdressing is wrong was a huge step in my own victory over crossdressing. I had been trying to quit crossdressing with only partial success and many failures over the last 10 or more years. But one of the things that happened during most of the failures was an inward rationalization that crossdressing was not wrong, not sinful. I could do so by reading the countless websites that rationalized away Deuteronomy 22:5 with strange interpretations. I could so so by convincing myself that my crossdressing wasn’t hurting anyone. I could do so by thinking of it as a harmless action, or even a good action that got me in touch with my feminine side. After failures, the rationalizations easily fell apart and I kept thinking that crossdressing was wrong, but the rationalizations would keep coming back every few weeks or months and I would fail again.
I had few people to talk to about the nature of crossdressing and whether it is right or wrong. I had few resources or books to read about it. It was not until I stopped being so isolated and engaged other Christians in the larger online community and started reading other blogs, such as Ikthys’ blog, that I could start discussing crossdressing in more detail to truly and logically figure out whether it was really wrong or not. Talking to other Christians who were struggling with it helped me to cut through the stupid rationalizations and see crossdressing for what it really is. I was able to see that my biblical views about crossdressing held up against scrutiny and were shared by others. I was able to hear others talk about the harmful effects of crossdressing, its selfish inward nature and other problematic aspects. Finally I was able to once and for all decide that crossdressing is a wrong sinful action. Finally, down to my deepest depths of my being, I could really truly believe that it was wrong, and no more rationalizations could make any real inroads.
That was huge in my struggle to quit my crossdressing. I didn’t really have to try any harder than I had been for years to stop my crossdressing. But finally, my belief that it is wrong was concrete and unshakable. And it’s much more difficult to continue engaging in a specific behavior if you truly believe deep down that it is wrong and sinful, and you aren’t able to rationalize doing it anymore to yourself. From that point on, it has been remarkably easy to stop crossdressing. The desires haven’t completely gone, but they have largely gone away.
I agree with Ikthys when he says – “Specifically, I mean that, in order to really have victory in this change, I find it absolutely imperative to condemn crossdressing in one’s mind.” For those of you who are trying to quit crossdressing, it would be a good start to just stop and think and pray for hours and days. Read books, read these blogs and read the Bible, and decide for yourself whether you think it is really wrong or not. And then if you decide you do believe it is wrong, stick to that decision, that belief, and don’t do any more rationalizations. That is the first huge step down the path to victory over crossdressing.