I’ve done a lot of reading online about crossdressing, and it is very common for me to come across a quote like, “you can try to give up crossdressing for a while, but it will always come back eventually.” Sometimes this kind of statement is elaborated by saying, “you can give up crossdressing for a while, and the urges might go away for a while, but eventually you will no longer be able to suppress the urges and you will want to crossdress again later in life.” And so then they give the advice, “so stop feeling guilty about it now, embrace it as part of you, and enjoy crossdressing.” I can’t count the number of times I’ve read advice like this.
But I wanted to unpack this sort of quote. What are they saying? Is it true? For the most part I actually agree with the quote. I think they are talking about crossdressing desires. And if that is what they mean, I largely agree. At times, our crossdressing desires will diminish but they will never fully go away. For example, right now I have absolutely no desire to crossdress. But I would be very surprised if I never had crossdressing desires again, whether in 1 month, or 10 years. The desires and temptations come and go. We can do things to limit how much we desire crossdressing, but ultimately we can’t just choose to not desire it anymore.
But I do think we can choose whether to give in or not. And so therefore, I disagree with the advice to just give in and embrace crossdressing. From a Christian perspective, a biblical perspective, we know that our temptations to sin will not go away fully until Jesus returns to this earth and makes us new. So yes, we can grant the argument that crossdressing will never leave us in this life, if we mean the crossdressing temptations. But it is another leap entirely to say, “therefore, we should give in.”
Our healing from crossdressing, our fight again crossdressing, is not about getting rid of the desires, though it is helpful for us to do as much as we can to get rid of the desires. The healing, the fight, is about controlling our desires. That is something we CAN do, and we can do it right now with God’s help. I agree that we shouldn’t suppress the desires; instead we should think about them, sort them out in our minds, and then choose to resist them. But we don’t have to give in to crossdressing in order to avoid the suppression. Let yourself deal with the fact that you have desires you need to resist, deal with the fact that those desires may come and go and may never fully leave you. That is reality. But we always have the freewill to resist those desires. You don’t have to let crossdressing control or ruin your life. You don’t have to give in to every whim of pleasurable desires that come into your mind. It’s about learning self-control.