I am still doing well, and enjoying life without crossdressing. Most days now crossdressing never even crosses my mind except for checking my blog emails. The cd thoughts come every once in a while, but I can’t remember the last time I was tempted to actually crossdress. I’m keeping my guard up though just in case the temptations come back someday. I’m not going to be naive about it and pretend that I’ll never have a tough crossdressing temptation to resist again. But right now life is good and I thank God for a reprieve from the crossdressing desires. Perhaps partly the desires have changed because I have gotten in the habit of choosing not to crossdress. Whatever the reason, I am thankful.
I have crossdressing dreams more often than crossdressing thoughts during the day. But those dreams happen less frequently than they used to, back when I still crossdressed every couple weeks or month or so. Recently I had quite an interesting dream. In the dream, I kept asking my wife to give me fun things to wear, and I fully meant female clothing. In the dream I was trying to get her to dress me up in cute female clothing as a fun thing to do together. But each time I asked, she would respond by going out and buying me new mens clothing that she thought would look attractive on me. I’d ask again, and she’d give more mens clothing. In the dream, she knew what I was really asking for, but gave still gave me the mens clothing instead. And it turned out good. It turned out so good that at the end of the dream we had sex. And in real life, that dream became a wet dream.
I know its weird to share so many personal details, but perhaps my honesty helps some of you in relating to me better, to get better help from my other posts. Although my wife was the one doing the right thing, and not me, I still find it to be a very positive hopeful dream. After waking up, I would have enjoyed remembering the dream even more if I had been the one to resist crossdressing temptations in my dream. But still, it shows that I am changing. Now, perhaps even in my subconscious, I am finding a more satisfying, pure, virtuous life without crossdressing rather than with it.
My dreams did not always used to be like this, as you can tell from reading my other progress reports. So don’t expect your dreams to change over night. And I fully expect to still have some sinful crossdressing dreams in the future yet. I think the important thing is not to let your dreams mess with you. They are an interesting thing in that they arise from your brain and heart, but in some ways you can’t control them at all. I have failed many a time during the day with crossdressing because of a dream. So my advice to you is if you have a crossdressing dream, think about it carefully, recognize the deception it brings. It felt good in the dream but those feelings wouldn’t exist in real life. Often they are purely fantastical. If you have a dream that you can fly, it doesn’t mean you should go jump off a building to try to fly in real life. Often crossdressing dreams are almost as unrealistic.
I think it also good to repent of sinful things that come up in dreams even though you didn’t choose what to dream about. They are still part of our sinful nature and they got there because of our sinful hearts and minds. And likely they got there because of sinful thoughts you have had and cultivated about crossdressing, and because of crossdressing habits and stories and lustful thoughts that you have allowed in your life so often. So ask for repentance and ask for God to give you better dreams.
And think about what you can learn from interpreting your dreams. They tell you a lot about yourself and what you desire. For example, most of my crossdressing dreams usually involve my wife, which tells me that I crave sexual intimacy with my wife. That should tell me to work on my marriage and satisfying my longings for sexual intimacy with her in healthy ways rather than in crossdressing. See what you can learn about what you desire with crossdressing, how you are feeling about it. Repent of what is not good. And see how you can fulfill good longings in the right ways. Acknowledge the crossdressing you desires you have, than remind yourself that you have chosen to not give in to them.