My response to advantages of CD husband

I’m sure there are about 20 different links with information like this, but I used the one I found most quickly – here.  It’s not my intention to attack this website.  Not at all.  I don’t know the person who made the site.  I can tell that they don’t think crossdressing is wrong based upon my brief perusal.  But anyway my point is not to talk about this website at all.  My point is to talk about the list below.  I’ve copied it directly from the mentioned link.  But I’ve come across many very similar lists during my life.  They are common in crossdressing circles.  If the owner of the website is upset about this, they can please let me know by commenting below.  But my intention is not to get a debate going, but instead just to give you my reflections on some of these.  I realize some of them were meant to be playful, and not logical arguments in favor of crossdressing, but I still think it is an interesting exercise to think through the type of thinking behind these things.  My comments will be in italics.

 

ADVANTAGES OF HAVING A CROSSDRESSING HUSBAND

1.YOU have a live in cosmetologist.          Do you really want one or need one?  Do you clip your husbands’ toenails?  Does he really need to do your makeup?

2.If he wears a skirt it’s easy access.

3.He always envies you because he would rather be wearing what you are wearing.               Envy is a sin, not a good thing.  How is this okay?

4.You can have a girlfriend as well as a boyfriend who doesn’t mind waiting while you take your time shopping.           Can’t you find some real friends who are women?  Men should have patience when they shop with their wives, and vice versa.  This should have nothing to do with crossdressing.

5.You can double your wardrobe if he’s the same size as you!           Much of attraction is about being attracted to our differences.  Do we really want our spouse to be wearing the same thing?

6.You never have to worry about cheating on you with another woman. He IS the other woman!!           This one is true.  But the sad fact is that he is still cheating in a way.  It is another woman, but it is himself.  In some ways it’s less harmful than a real woman but more messed up and confused than having an affair with a real womanInstead of loving someone else besides you, he is himself the object of his physical and emotional attraction.

7.You always have a girlfriend to go shopping and have lunch with!!        Again get a real woman as a friend.  And encourage your husband to spend quality time with you, even if part of that quality time is shopping and having lunch together.  He can do so as a man, without crossdressing.

8.He’ll NEVER object to being a clothes dummy and wearing a dress while you hem it.           That is because he has an unhealthy obsession with female clothing.

9.While shopping, you can test a new shade of nail polish on him and he doesn’t complain or asks to see a matching lipstick.

10.He’ll rarely have that scratchy five o’clock shadow.             If men can keep clean shaven in order to fulfill their crossdressing fantasies, surely they should be able to do so just to please their wife.

11.He’ll never ask you to have a threesome with another woman as long as he can wear the lingerie.             This one is not worth responding to.

12.He will be sympathetic about your excess body hair.                   The gold of sympathy and empathy is to care even when you haven’t experienced it yourself, but you try to understand their point of view.   You can be sympathetic for what your wife does, without having to have had the experience yourself.  You can also give your wife more tolerance and tell her she doesn’t need to shave so often.

13.He won’t tear your lingerie when removing it from you.             Do any husbands normally do this?  I sure haven’t.

14.He won’t mind waiting on you or your girlfriends and he won’t forget to curtsey.           Do you want your husband to pretend he is a maid?  Or if you just want him to be helpful and to serve you?  He can do so without having a crossdressing addiction.

15.If you need a slip for that new dress you bought and he happens to have the perfect one, and lets you borrow it.

16.You can switch off wearing the high heels while on a long shopping spree.          Just don’t wear them if they hurt your feet.

17.A man in a dress makes a good cook.             Seriously?  Why is it that most crossdressers or those affirming of it, seem to be stuck in outdated offensive gender stereotypes?

18.He loves to smell perfume and will give you an honest opinion.            I would hope he would give you an honest opinion anyway.

19.You can test a new shade of lipstick on him.                   Will you let him test his cologne or jockstrap on you?

20.If you purchase something for your home, it won’t be too feminine.

21.At least the toilet seat will be down.                       Can’t he put it down without being crossdressed?

22.He is a lot easier to buy gifts for.                           Yes because crossdressers tend to be obsessive compulsive about their clothes, extremely materialistic, never having enough.

23.He knows just the right way to make love, takes his time and knows just what makes you tick!          How does this have anything to do with crossdressing?  This sentence actually describes a loving husband who has talked to his wife, and learned what she enjoys.

24.He will understand much better that the best thing a girl can have when she feels down is new clothes.      This reminds me of a video I saw recently with a shopping addict who got a high every time he bought new clothes.  Our culture says buying new stuff makes us happy.  That is not the way to be happy, nor is it a Christian attitude.

25.If he buy’s you clothes, you know he sizes them right.

26.You can take him to the hair salon with you and he will sit quietly while you both get your hair done and he will never complain. In fact he will thank you.

27.The only time he will ever care if you wear curlers to bed is if he has to wear the oversized rollers.

28.He understands why you don’t care for spending 8 hours a day in pantyhose and high heels.      I have never spent 8 hours in pantyhose and high heels, but still understand why my wife doesn’t want to, because she has explained it to me.  That should be enough.

29.Never complains about leaving delicate underwear out to dry.      I’ve done this for my wife all the time, even hanging up her underwear.  And it had nothing to do with my crossdressing past.  It’s called helping out with the laundry.

30.You have a girlfriend who doesn’t get PMS.

31.He will not only shop with you but pay the bill as well!           Why do you have divided finances in your marriage?

32.He knows how to handle delicates when he does the laundry.      It’s not hard to teach this to a regular man!

33.Satin and velvet are more snuggly than denim and wool.         They are starting to make mens clothing with more comfortable material.  Get that instead.

34.He understands the need for quality cosmetics.

35.You have even more excuses to go shopping, and he will even carry the bags.         These wives seem to be as unhealthily obsessed with shopping as crossdressers are.  I didn’t know that non-crossdressing men refused to help carry bags.

36.You can borrow his jewelry, clothes & makeup.

37.He understands why you go through so many pairs of stockings.

38.He no longer expect you to get ready for a night on the town in 15 minutes or less.

39.The world needs more feminists in lipstick.

40.You can take the Cosmo quizzes together.

41.You can ask him how an outfit looks, and get an intelligent response.         Wow, are normal non-crossdressing men really so lazy, obnoxious, stupid, and uncaring as this list makes them seem?

42.His new friends don’t spend all day watching football.            Yes, instead they spend all day watching each other try on clothing made for the opposite sex that really doesn’t fit their body.   If you are lucky, they will also masturbate to their image in the mirror.

43.He knows to walk slow when you’re wearing heels.              Again, are normal men so stupid that they don’t know this?

44.If he says “Hon, you look nice.” you know he really means it.               I don’t lie to my wife, do you guys?

45.He can spot makeup smudges better than any other guy.

46.He’s like having a live in cosmetologist.

47.He loves to go shopping with you and watch you try on clothes.        This is something fun for me to do, and even more fun now that I don’t crossdress anymore.  I think most men enjoy looking at their wives.

48.He knows how to treat a lady with care, sensitivity and respect.              Yes because to treat women sensitively you have to dress up like one.  Really?

49.He’s a girl friend that will stick around and won’t flake out on you or stab you in the back.            This list seems to be sexist towards both men and women.  Are women that bad?

50.He loves to dress up and have long chat sessions.            I’m way more talkative than my wife, and I’m naturally that way without crossdressing.

51.You can have a threesome without adding another partner.               Disgusting, both to think of actual threesomes, and this metaphorical perverted threesome.

52.If you’ve ever been bi-curious you can experiment a little.                     So let’s encourage a little homosexuality with our crossdressing.   Another example of how going against God’s commands in one area, often leads to breaking others of his commands.

53.You know one of you will have a tissue with you when you need it.

54.Dress him up in a French Maid’s Uniform and you have a house cleaner for the day.           Or you can ask your adult husband to be an adult and please equally share the load of chores.

 

Sorry for so many sarcastic comments.  It was really hard to go through this list without being offended.  But I guess I want to try to end with compassion.  This list seems to be made by people who are stuck in a crossdressing situation.  The people that come up with lists like these are husbands who want to somehow rationalize their crossdressing and think of whatever they can to make it more palatable to their wives who are probably disgusted by trying to live with it as best they can.  And these lists are probably made by wives who are stuck with the perversion of crossdressing in their home, but don’t want to give up their husbands, and want to keep loving him, and so they do the best they can to enjoy the situation and look for ways to make it fun and enjoyable, even though deep down they would rather he not be like this.  I feel sorry for these people and I want to help them.  Again, I’m not trying to attack anyone.  These are just my random thoughts on some of these things.  I realize this list is not an argument for why crossdressing is okay, nor are my comments an argument as to why it is not okay, but they simply are some of my comments from my own perspective, my perspective which you can read about elsewhere on my site.  I think it’s good food for thought.

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15 comments on “My response to advantages of CD husband

  1. Anonymous says:

    That comment for #52 is correct morally. But to be perfectly honest crossdressing in general is a form of sexual immortality, as is homosexuality.

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  2. thorin25 says:

    Totally agreed, I was being sarcastic in my comment. I think crossdressing and homosexual behavior are both forms of sexual immorality.

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  3. Vivienne says:

    Well, where do I begin with this lot?

    The first thing that struck me about this list is that numbers 1 and 46 are almost the same (“cosmetologist”).

    I’m almost prepared to bet that this list was compiled by a man. And not only a man, but a man who is practising a great deal of self-deception and wish-fulfilment. Helen Boyd says transvestites are not like women are, but like men _think_ women are, and this is a list, not of what women want, but of what someone _thinks_ (or perhaps wishes) women want.

    Women don’t just want a live-in cosmetologist, or someone to take them shopping and not blink at the bill, or who will help them paint their nails. They don’t want a husband on whom they can test lipstick, or from whom they can borrow clothes or underwear. I think what matters most to women is that they have someone who will love them unconditionally, and that’s got nothing to do with anything in this list whatsoever.

    Much as I would deride this list as fantasy and nonsense, I happen to believe that the interests of a “normal” wife, and a crossdressing husband need not be completely at odds. Like any issue in a relationship (golf! fishing!), crossdressing as an activity needs to be negotiated openly between both partners.

    Vivienne.

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  4. thorin25 says:

    Hi Vivienne. Good comment. The quote from Helen Boyd does fit in well here. This is what men are thinking women are, or what they hoping they are. I actually think this list shows a pretty sexist attitude towards both men and women. It shows men to be total idiots, lazy slobs with no care for anyone but themselves. And it shows women to be narcissistic vain materialistic people obsessed with fashion and shopping.

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  5. Ralph says:

    Yes, the Boyd comment is spot on; men — particularly crossdressers — tend to have this idealized caricature of femininity that, if it ever existed, has not resembled women for a century or two.

    In my experience, this goes two directions: Either the imaginary woman is highly sexualized, with an emphasis on large breasts, insanely high heels and clothing too tight and skimpy for a prosititute, or she is perpeptually childish in miles of Victorian lace and ribbons and pinafores. And yes, in both cases this fictional woman is only happy when she is shopping or preening in front of a mirror.

    Don’t even get me started about the sick perversion that is a combination of the sexualized and childlike girl.

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  6. Jan2 says:

    6. HE IS CHEATING! That is what it feels like everytime he dresses alone. That perfect woman that knows how to touch and where to touch.
    7. I have plenty of girlfriends, I want a husband and a full on man.
    8. HA! I’m half his size and height. Besides he wears my clothes to do what he does; I’ll kill him.
    11. Whether he’s dressed or not it feels like there is 3 of us in that bed.
    13. NO, but he tears it when he tries to squeeze in it!
    19.UURRGH!
    21. Still waiting for that one.
    24. NO – the best thing is chocolate and sympathy!
    25. No they are always too big so he can have them!
    28. Man or woman…who does that?
    30. No I have a husband having a more serious problem than pms, he doesn’t know who he is.
    33. Man or woman velvet is a no no when you have pets.
    35. Shopping is a necessatiy, not a joy for most women.
    36.His taste is far too trashy.
    42. If he has these kind of friends, the he will be divorced!
    48. If he did he would not treat me like this. He would not of kept this from me all these years. I would of had the chance to stay or go before the kids.
    49. He stabbed me in the back when he forgot to tell be about this.
    50. Chatting is the last thing on his mind when dressed, between the legs takes over the brain.
    51/52. UURRGH! see 11. If I ever want a woman in my bed I will get a real one.
    53. He uses tissues for different reasons to me.

    I could comment on every one of these points; as a wife. And I would never agree with any of them.With my Husband it’s all about the sex. And I feel like men really are ruled by what is between their legs. It’s amazing how this sexual high can make you justify anything.

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  7. thorin25 says:

    Hi Jan, I sense your deep pain and frustration with your husband. I will pray for you both right now. Perhaps you could see if he would be willing to get another perspective about crossdressing by looking at my site and some of the others I have linked to.

    There are no excuses for what he’s done, (for what I’ve done in the past). But I do want you to understand that he likely did not choose to have these feelings, these desires to wear women’s clothing. He probably has wished thousands of times not to feel this way. Now certainly, we have to learn self-control, respect of our spouses, and not do whatever we feel like. And I believe we should never crossdress at all. But I’m just hoping you will think through how much pain this issue has probably caused him and he might have tried to quit many times.

    Perhaps if you give him forgiveness for his betrayals of you through crossdressing, and support him in trying to quit, perhaps he would be willing to do so and have the strength to do so.

    It’s such an ugly situation that you are in and you did not choose it. I know you hurt deeply. But I pray that God would transform your husband, and your whole marriage, and that you would be able to reconciled and together help him to find healing and restoration and get crossdressing out of his life.

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  8. John says:

    I guess you could say my wife has made me a crossdresser. For as many times a week she wears pants, I wear a skirt or dress. For as many times she wears socks, I wear stockings or pantyhose. For as many times as she wears flats, I wear heels. For as many times as she wears my dress shirt to bed, I wear a night’y. She likes to wear my boxers I wear her panties. She likes my face shaved smooth, I want her shaved smooth. She doesn’t feel like wearing makeup today, I do. she likes her hair short, I like mine long.

    When we got married, she dressed as a woman all the time and I as a guy all the time. But I guess as we get older we change. She wears what she likes and so do I. And we still love each other. We respect each others wants and likes.
    That’s what two people who love each other do, and don’t care what other’s think is right or wrong.
    So, I think if you have a problem with your spouse you didn’t love the person in the first place.

    People you need to grow up and not worry about what other people do.

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  9. thorin25 says:

    Hi John. I would have to say that I have a different definition of love. In my view, real love, DOES mean caring about what people do. Of course you continue to serve them, and listen to them, and care about them even when they do things you do not like or do not love in return. But real love wants the best for people. That is why we discipline children instead of letting them run wild. We discipline because we love. Those that do not love, do not discipline. Yes I care about what my wife wears. Yes she cares about what I wear. Yes you can love the other even if they are doing what you do not like. But in a real loving relationship we both try to please the other, and we both encourage the other to life the full rich life that God intends (and I believe that life does not include crossdressing).

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  10. John says:

    There you have it people. Thorin is spreading his belief. That doesn’t mean that is God’s. God wants you to spread HIS word, not what you believe, like or dislike.
    I think alot of cults are like that. Claiming it is what God wants.
    Maybe at the begining of you blogs you should put
    ” This is the church of Thorin “

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  11. Lucy says:

    John your last response is just pathetic. If you don’t like what you see here you don’t have to visit.Thorin as a wife of a Cross Dresser i so admire you and wish my husband had some of your understanding.You do an amazing job here !

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  12. thorin25 says:

    John I fail to see how I am starting a new church? Am I not entitled to have my own opinions? Have I ever claimed to speak the mind of God? The general religious beliefs I have are obtained from God’s Word, the Bible, which I did not write. My specific beliefs about crossdressing are still obtained from the principles of God’s Word. And if people want to disagree with me they can. But I never claimed to have received a special revelation from God about crossdressing that I’m telling others to follow because God revealed it to me. Maybe you should read more of my site before making wild accusations.

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  13. thorin25 says:

    Lucy, thank you for your note, I appreciate the encouragement 🙂

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  14. Michael26 says:

    To Lucy: Thank you for your input on Thorin’s site. It’s encouraging for me to see a woman really speak out of appreciation for a man that ACTUALLY takes responsibility for his distorted desires, feelings, etc. It can really encourage “we”, those of use that have or still struggle with crossdressing.

    I am also a guy that unfortunately struggles with crossdressing and transgenderism. Though I know that my words may be merely words – since this is a blog that I’m typing words out onto – but I assure you that I have wrestled with these twisted thoughts, images, reactions, feelings, etc for about 7-8 years now. And out of those years, I’ve truly been fighting this at varying degrees for about 2 years. And dead-serious-taking-a-stand-and-fighting-no-matter-the-costs for probably about 2 months now! Now, this isn’t to say that I don’t take “steps backward” at times. I’d be a total fraud if I didn’t admit to that.

    I guess what I’m trying to do is to – hopefully, I dearly wish – help you to see how the deception of crossdressing REALLY plays out for a man. There were many times through this addiction – that still has the potency to cripple me, break me into a shell of man – when I TRULY was deceived into believing that I was fighting this, and conquering this. Though, in reality, I was in one of two states: I was fighting the crossdressing, while also subconsciously still trying to hold onto it. Or two, I was utterly deceived and giving into it all together. . . . . doesn’t this all justify the unjustifiable? No, it doesn’t!! It’s wrong! Even at this very moment – meaning within the last 5-6 days, I have been beaten down with thoughts and imagery that I NEVER dreamed was even possible to the imagination… this has brought me to a place of more severe confusion and torment than I could have ever imagined! But God’s Word is still true, and no words, feelings, thoughts, etc. of mine that I conjure up can ever take the place of the truth that Christ speaks!

    I’ve had successes and many steps backward, but God’s working in me… and for the first time in my life – since about two months ago – I KNOW He is! Is there doubt of this truth at times – YES! But I know he’s not going to stop with me until this is no longer something that controls me…. the thoughts, feelings, etc. may still linger from time-to-time, but I will be able to overcome this! And be a man that a future wife will love and know that I’m not pretending to be something I’m not – this I believe is one of the reasons that God is allowing me to go through this struggle, is to better me for a future wife that won’t have to struggle with this crap!

    So, if you and your husband are truly in Christ, I assure you, He WILL bring about the answers behind all of this confusion. But most importantly, HE WILL deliver you both from this devastating burden! And He’ll bring about a life for you both that’s SO MUCH more full. He’s using this to show you both things that are missing from your lives, that He wants to give you to draw you both closer to Him.

    I think one thing that can challenge a man’s addiction is to try to imagine their own daughter, wife, or any woman that they really have a close bond with, living a life of crossdressing, transgenderism. This image leaves a very disturbing image for a man, to say the least!! If I was blessed with a daughter, I KNOW without a doubt that it would KILL ME to see her wanting to become a man! It would utterly gross me out!!

    One resource that sort of helped to really bring into perspective for myself how devastating this addiction is for others, but how devastating it can become for me was through this book: My Daddy’s Secret – by: Denise Shick

    Denise is a woman that grew up with a father that struggled with crossdressing and transgenderism. And now she tries to help families that have struggles with this very issue – a help to those struggling with the addiction and those having to go through the struggle of having a loved one that struggles with the addiction. http://help4families.com is her website and her organization for helping those in this battle.

    I’ll be praying for you, Lucy and your husband. . .

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  15. Michael26 says:

    My apologies, I thought Lucy and Jan2 were one-and-the-same. I wrote my about comment for the Jan2, actually. But Lucy, if you are also a woman with a husband struggling with crossdressing, then my comment applies to the both of you!

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