Progress Report 11-25-12

I’m glad to say I’m still enjoying freedom from crossdressing.  It’s been a year and a couple months or so.  I have found healing in my soul, my identity, and my marriage.  And God continues to work on me and teach me each day.

In this post I want to talk about one of the most enjoyable indirect side effects of giving up crossdressing for as long as I have.  As more time passes, my wife’s wardrobe is slowly changing.  Some of her clothes get worn out.  Some of her clothes are given away.  And she gets new clothes as gifts or when we go shopping together once in a while.

As in the last few years I’ve been intentionally fighting my crossdressing addiction more fully, and especially since I haven’t crossdressed at all in the last 14 months, my view of her clothing is changing so much.  Before I would look at her wearing her clothes and always be reminded of my unfaithfulness to her.  I would see her wear skirts or dresses or blouses or even lingerie and remember wearing them myself (sometimes almost ripping them in the process).  As more time passes, more and more of her clothing is clothing that I have never touched, except of course touching her while she is wearing those clothes 🙂

This little revelation is actually quite powerful.  I’ve given up crossdressing many times in the past for even months at a time.  But I would never go for long enough periods for this to happen with her clothing.  I might have gone 6 months without crossdressing but then binge and wear all of her clothing.  Now that is not the case.  Now there are many things that she has, that in the past I would have for sure worn.  But now they are things I not only haven’t worn, but I have never considered wearing them!  Some of them I have never even had the thought of temptation go through my mind of thinking about wearing them.  I can’t tell you how good this makes me feel.  It gives me great hope for long term freedom from crossdressing, but also just makes me feel so good right now.  I can look at my wife and see her beauty while she is wearing her clothes, and I can be attracted to her without thinking of my crossdressing failures and betrayals.

Thank you Lord Jesus again and again and again for rescuing me from the bondage I was in.  To you be glory and praise.  I am enjoying this freedom so much.  You haven’t taken away absolutely every crossdressing temptation in my life, but you have given me the power to say “NO” to crossdressing.  (Titus 2:12).  Thank you for bringing healing to my soul.

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One comment on “Progress Report 11-25-12

  1. Ralph says:

    Welcome back, and what a great report!

    Your comment about your wife’s clothes made me think of how I tend to view women — and younger girls — when I’m out and about. When I see a skirt or dress or blouse that’s of a style I like, I become fixated on the clothes. All I can think about is wanting that item, imagining myself wearing it, holding back the temptation to ask where she got it.

    I hate that. Regardless of my views on the morality of crossdressing in and of itself, that kind of single-minded covetousness is extremely distracting and limits my ability to interact with people in a healthy way. One of these days it could also get me in trouble. How on earth could I explain to an understandably upset parent “No, I swear I wasn’t looking at your daughter lustfully… I was only wishing I had a dress like that to wear myself!”

    If the parents protect their children anything like I do mine, I wouldn’t even have time to get all that out before the tar and feathers were all over me.

    Like

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