When I originally started this blog, it was very helpful to me, and I enjoyed it so much that it was getting in the way of my role of pastoring a church in real life. I was spending too much time on it. It energized me to work on this blog. I was finally getting my thoughts out about crossdressing that I had kept mostly to myself for so long. Working on this blog, and dialoguing with others was extremely helpful in my fight against crossdressing. It provided me a daily reminder to work on quitting. It helped me to think through my crossdressing history, understand myself better, and work on healing in my person and personality. It was great to find others who were like-minded and supported me in my venture of giving up crossdressing. I was guided, and counseled, and encouraged by many of you, and I’m not sure I would have kept up my resolve to quit without you.
I have also thoroughly enjoyed God using me to help many of you. That was probably what energized me the most. It is certainly much more gratifying to talk with people face to face, and pray together face to face, and teach about issues face to face. But because crossdressing is such a personal topic to me, I am very passionate about talking about it, even if I have to do so mostly online. My drive to help people with this issue surpasses my drive to help people with almost any other issue. The only thing that comes to mind that I am more passionate about is leading people to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior, but this blog also has been an opportunity to point people to Jesus.
Now that crossdressing is mostly a thing of the past, my feelings toward the blog are changing. I don’t feel like I need it anymore for myself. It energizes me less than it used to, mostly because of the lack of face to face interaction with people and lack of being able to see positive results in people’s lives. Even some of the people that have been helped are no longer in contact with me because they are afraid someone will see their internet history or see a strange email. Now doing this blog is ministry, just like my church ministry. And at times it feels like work, work that is not always thrilling or energizing, just like much of the time with my church ministry. But I want to keep up this blog to be a different voice on the internet about this issue, and perhaps God will continue to use my words to help others who are struggling. I think it would be very gratifying to work with a Christian organization and do counseling for those struggling with crossdressing. But I don’t see myself actually doing so because of my life situation right now. So I will content myself with continuing my work as a pastor.
I don’t have a plan to give up on this blog anytime soon. There are many ways to help people in life, but trying to help people with the issue that has caused me the most pain in my life, is one of the most gratifying things. So I will continue to work on this blog. But for the sake of managing my time well, I’m only going to check in on my blog once in a while, about once a week at the most. This means that I might not respond to every comment, and I’ll try not to worry about every other blogger out there who posts something hateful about my blog. But I will dialogue with some people on their blogs as time permits. Right now, though sometimes this blog can be frustrating dealing with so many people opposed to my views, it is still something I think God has called me to as a part time ministry that will always have a special place in my life.
I don’t have as much time these days to write new posts, though I have plenty of post ideas. I would really love to have a whole page of guests posts from many of you. It’s one thing for people to read stuff from me, to see one person with a different view. But it would be nice for people to hear from all of the others of you that have been mostly silent. I’d love to get some of your thoughts up (even if we kept your name anonymous). I’d also appreciate more good links and other blogs to link to. I want my blog to be a great resource for people to get good insights from other bloggers and articles, and to be able to find good credible help from Christian organizations and counselors. So keep in touch and send me your ideas and links.