Fool! You will be Caught!

Don’t be a Fool!  You will get caught crossdressing!  This post is an attempt to scare some of you enough that you will get a brief moment of lucidity, a brief moment of escape from the pink fog, so that you can begin thinking clearly again, and look at crossdressing for what it is, and to begin to live your real life again.

Fear should not be our sole motivator in getting rid of our crossdressing.  But it is a helpful beginning point.  Fear won’t sustain you through the long haul of finding healing from your crossdressing addiction, but it can help you cut through the lies, and begin to stop the behavior, at the start of your healing process.   Certainly once you stop crossdressing at first out of fear, take time to think about it as an activity, whether you really want to keep doing it or not, whether or not its really good for you, etc.  Hopefully then once you give up crossdressing it won’t be only out of fear, but will be because you are convinced life is better without it, and because you want to live for God with gratitude because of his love for you.

Numbers 32:23 – “But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the Lord; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out.
Galatians 6:7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.  The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction.”
Proverbs 6:27-29 – “Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?
Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?
So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife;
no one who touches her will go unpunished.”

 

You may crossdress for a while with no one finding out.  But eventually you WILL get caught.  I could tell you stories of times that I got caught, and stories of when I was extremely close to getting caught but was just lucky.  But I’m not going to tell those stories, too personal, too scary, the memories are not fun and I don’t want to dwell there.   And I’m quite sure that more people know about my crossdressing addiction than I know of, who found out things but didn’t talk to me about it.

  • Someone can so easily walk in on you while you are crossdressing.  Your wife, girlfriend, mother, father, surprise relative visit, sister, brother, neighbor, roommate, maintenance man, pastor.  Someone can just as easily walk in on you while you are masturbating or while you are looking at crossdressing photos on the computer.
  • A family member, friend, coworker, or neighbor might be able to tell you have residual makeup on your face from previous crossdressing.
  • Someone may easily find your internet history.  A wife may see that you keep fully deleting your internet history and wondering about it.  A wife may wonder why you always jump and look nervous when she gets home and you were just on the computer.
  • A wife/girlfriend may wonder why you never get much done during long weekends she is away, and why you never take those opportunities to do the hobbies you enjoy or get together with friends.
  • A wife/girlfriend may wonder why you don’t grow a beard or mustache for her, or why you want to shave your legs, or why you have so much knowledge about make up and her clothing.
  • Your wife or girlfriend, or parents, or siblings, or plumber may find your hidden stash of clothing in the house.
  • Your wife, girlfriend, mother, or sister may be able to tell that their clothing has slightly moved from its location and you were the only one home to move it.  They may find a shirt torn from being stretched.  They may see a skirt too loose.  They may see clothing not put back correctly on hangars or in drawers.  They may see sweat stains, deodorant stains, or semen stains on their panties or shirts or other clothing.
  • You may easily forget to delete your internet history.   Your internet may be being monitored at work, or at home.
  • There may be hidden cameras in homes or places that you don’t know about.
  • A housekeeper may find hidden items or clothing.
  • Someone may recognize you when you are out on the town while dressed.   Someone may easily see you are a man in a dress, and not a real woman.
  • Your wife or mother may be doing a deep clean on the house and find your hidden stash in the crawl spaces or attic or under the bed or in the garage.
  • It is so so easy for someone to say they are leaving for something for a day or for hours but then forget something and come back home.  Your time of uninterrupted private crossdressing activity could easily be interrupted.
  • Your wife or girlfriend might tell other friends or neighbors that you are home if they need something.  And then they come to your door and knock, but you don’t answer because you are crossdressed, and they report to your wife or girlfriend that you weren’t actually at home.
  • Your wife or others could find out about your history of purchases online, with a credit card, etc.
  • Kids may be looking in your windows for fun (happened to me), and may decide to tell their parents what they saw.  Kids might come into your house without knocking (has happened to me).
  • You might have to take off your outer shirt at work for some reason.  Or you might have to change clothes at work in the bathroom.  In either case, someone might see your undergarments.  You might have to take off your shoes and socks at work for an exercise or drill, in which case someone would see your painted toenails.
  • Your friends might decide to haze you or just play a joke on you and come into your house at night to do something to you.
  • Your wife might see the indentation of bra straps on your back later after you had been crossdressing.
  • A real life or online transgendered or crossdressing friend might call you at a bad time or send an email that your wife or family could hear/read.
  • You can forget to remove some makeup or miss a spot when removing nail polish.
  • Your siblings, or child, or roommate may come and wake you up unexpectedly.
  • Your crossdressing photos or journals may be found on your computer.
  • You may forget to remove all your crossdressing photos off of your digital camera.
  • Your wife’s or mother’s or girlfriend’s lipstick or other cosmetics or jewelry may not be put back exactly in the same position they were in.
  • Someone may find female clothing or tissues stained with makeup in the trash.
  • Someone may come home and what you thought would be a quick removal of clothes, turned out not so quick as you cannot get the too tight female apparel off of your body.
  • There might be a fire, or a thief, or a million other possible scenarios in which you would have to leave your house/apartment at night and or have to talk to police or fireman at the door.

I’m sure there are plenty of other ways to be caught that I haven’t mentioned.  Feel free to add some more with your comments below.   We CANNOT prepare for every scenario.  Crossdressing is a highly time consuming and intensive activity, one that is very hard to hide completely.  Eventually we WILL get caught.  And it only takes one time.  You can do the best you can to keep your secret every day, but all it takes is that one time, and your secret is out.  I think it is important to add that if you ever get out of these tricky situations, most likely you will have had to blatantly lie to someone important to you.  So while you may give yourself a pat on the back for never getting caught, you can also pat yourself on the back for being a filthy liar.

The choice is yours from here.  Do you keep playing with fire hoping that you won’t be burned?  Do you plan to keep crossdressing and just do it with more paranoia and carefulness after reading my post?  Or do you stop crossdressing, and live a good life without fear, a life without nasty secrets of what you do in the dark alone?

For me, if I’m going to get caught, at the very least, I want it on my own terms.  At this point, if someone finds out about my crossdressing history, I can at least explain it to them, explain the healing that God has given me, and talk about it as the addiction that I fight against.   I would not feel too bad telling someone that even if it was a bit uncomfortable.  But it would be much harder to answer to someone about your crossdressing, when you are currently in the throws of the addiction.

I pray that God gives you the strength to wake up to reality, that he shows you that you aren’t all powerful and cannot protect yourself forever from being found out.  I pray that God uses this little bit of healthy fear to get you out of the deceptive trap of crossdressing, and into the light, to begin living the abundant life that God intends for us.

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13 comments on “Fool! You will be Caught!

  1. Vivienne says:

    Just a couple of points, Thorin.

    Fear is, as you say, a generally poor motivator of people. Smokers know they will get cancer, but still they puff away.

    Second, in terms of who finds out. For people who don’t know me, I simply don’t care. Strangers? Not interested. Police? Fire service? They wouldn’t bat an eye and have undoubtedly come across far more interesting sights.

    For my wife, she knows it all. She has free access to my computer, to my website and emails; even my personal diaries sit on a shelf in full view if she wants them. So it won’t come as a shock to her.

    People won’t recognise me on the street because I don’t go out dressed.

    Yep, friends and family would be an issue. In some ways, to be “discovered” would be a relief. I am pretty sure most of my friends would be surprised, and that’s all, but if they decided to end the friendship based on their discovery, it would say far worse about their bigoted and unforgiving nature than it would about my dressing.

    And anyone who (like me) dresses quietly at home alone should have the simple nonce to close the curtains and lock the door (let alone leave it wide for people to wander in!). And to make sure they clean up neatly afterwards is a no-brainer.

    You’re right. I will eventually be caught. My secret will be out. And I say: so what?

    Vivienne.

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  2. thorin25 says:

    You may not care about some of those things, but I’m sure many others do. And many of the guys out there crossdressing, are doing so without their wife’s knowledge. Many might even be using the clothing of their spouse. Many people do go out dressed.

    The things I listed are all different, because I tried to think through many scenarios. Some would be likely to happen to some people, and others would never happen to some people. Just depends who you are and what you are doing. And your specific circumstances would also determine whether or not you even cared about many of the things on the list.

    And while some of these seem to be no brainers, if you look for a few minutes online you will see that many of these have been reality for crossdressers, who got themselves caught.

    I know this post isn’t meaningful to everyone, that is fine, I don’t expect it to be. But it would have been meaningful to me years back, and there are plenty of men like me out there.

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  3. Ralph says:

    Well… I think you’re both right. On the one hand, there are many crossdressers who are either fully out in public (and obviously have no worries about getting caught) or at least do not hide it from their immediate family.

    On the other hand, I’ve lost count of the hundreds of posts I’ve made on blogs and discussion forums directed at those who seek, or dispense, advice on how to conceal it from your own wife. My comments read almost verbatim with Thorin has written here (except I don’t think I explicitly called them fools, I just implied it). And, sadly, I fear there are more who are dishonest with their wives than those who face the truth. To me, that’s the deeper issue… the deception and complete lack of trust in a relationship, whether with God or with your spouse.

    Speaking of which, Thorin, I’m sending somebody your way. In a crossdressing discussion group on a website of much broader (no pun intended, heh) scope someone announced that he feels his relationship with Jesus is incompatible with his crossdressing, and he feels called to stop immediately. Since you’re the only one still active, I gave him a link to this site. Your experiences and honest assessment of your successes and failures should be more than enough encouragement for him to see that his is an attainable goal!

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  4. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Ralph for sending him this way. I should clarify about me saying “fool.” I was saying that to myself just as much as anyone else. What I wrote in this post are things I’ve told myself many times, including the “fool.” And what I wished I would have read online years ago. I was not trying to say that all crossdressers are fools in general. Just that it is foolish to think you are immune to people finding out.

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  5. Jared says:

    Husbands/boyfriends will invariably get caught if they are with their partner long enough. But as Vivienne pointed out, that’s not enough motivation to stop. If it were, than everyone would be cured because all of us have some fear of being exposed.

    With that said, getting caught is something that may need to happen for a person to realize that things need to change. So I wouldn’t necessarily view this as a bad thing in some cases.

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  6. Kenneth King says:

    I look at it this way. If you are a crossdresser ,which I happen to. be one for close to 45 years, it didn’t happen overnight. My point is almost everyone around you.probaly already knows,and most of them don’t care, except for maybe your family. Most wives have a hard time with it, or refuse to except at all. But life goes on and you have to be who you want to be. Oh and for those of.you who read this, I am very good at quoting the bible myself. But I will talk about that another time Good reading.pp

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  7. thorin25 says:

    Hi Kenneth. It’s probably true that more people know about what we are doing than we usually like to think about.

    If you are good at quoting the Bible, then you’ll know it doesn’t at all recommend just being who you want to be.

    Don’t misunderstand this post. Getting caught is not why I gave up crossdressing. See this post for more information – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/

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  8. Austin says:

    Or you can worry about your business and not others lol

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  9. thorin25 says:

    Austin, if everyone in the world only minded their own business, this world would be a very sad, depressing, and selfish place. Thankfully there are some people, (like I’m trying to do in a limited way), trying to reach out to others who are struggling.

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  10. CD wife says:

    What a sensitive well thought out and caring of others post this is Thorin. Lets remind ourselves this site is for those trying to recover from CDing and the things you talk about should matter to them. If they didn’t i would have thought they wouldn’t be here and they should care about how this might affect others if not themselves . As a wife if some of these things had happened i would have been devastated because i have to live in the neighborhood .
    Thorin may i take this opportunity to thank you for all your efforts your kindness in reaching out to others and for the time you give to this. May God bless you each and every day . If you have helped just one person today then be pleased. If you didn’t help them today you will have given them something to think about and you might be helping them tomorrow. Keep up the good work and i hope it helps you too.

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  11. thorin25 says:

    thank you CD wife, I always appreciate encouragements like this! May God bless you. You are a good Barnabas (encourager)

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  12. Zack says:

    Wow! Thorin you may it sound like all cross dressers go most all out to look like women. I only would wear women’s hose and or girdle. People rarely seemed to notice my wearing the sheer hose except on some occasions. My old girl friend use to buy me pantyhose that I liked. She did not seem to mind me wearing hose. I know it’s wrong and I don’t do it anymore and hope to not do it anymore. From what you wrote it seems the cds you’re talking about are really into trying to look like women with makeup, skirts,etc. So there are great variations on the types of cross dressers there are. Some dress up for the feel of the material and look others go all out.

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  13. thorin25 says:

    Yes there is certainly a great amount of variety among crossdressers. But I think there is a lot of connection between people dressing for the “feel” of the clothing and people dressing to look like women. A lot of the same root causes of wanting to feel feminine, being sexually turned on by this feeling or look that belongs to women, the feeling of the material being associated with sexual feelings from childhood, feelings of comfort from the material, etc.

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