I’ve been rereading some older posts by blogging friends who are trying to resist crossdressing. I highly recommend this one called – “Ironing it out” – by Ikthys. It is very well written, articulate, logical, and helpful. Most of the post is an attempt to reason out why he believes crossdressing as an activity to be wrong.
He talks a lot about the social norms for gender expression in our modern culture, and clarifies some helpful thoughts about when we should or should not conform to unspoken norms in a culture. I totally agree with him that the norms in our culture are unfair. He says – “there are no clothes that are not women’s, but there are clothing articles that are specifically not men’s.” And he argues, whatever you might personally believe about the morality of crossdressing, right now in our culture men crossdressing is still breaking the unspoken rules of gender expression. I think Ikthys would like to see some changes in the unspoken rules of our culture, so that men have a wider variety of clothing to choose from and I hope for this as well. But I think it is a dangerous thing for people like me to be the ones to try to gradually change those unspoken rules by what we choose to wear. For me, wearing other types of clothing that right now are “just women’s clothing” is something that I would want to do for many more reasons, and much more passionate reasons, than simply just wanting to change the culture. For people like me, it would not seem like a normal good thing, but it would seem like crossdressing, and I would end up in sexual addiction and personal identity confusion regarding my gender. I also personally think that, even if some things should gradually change in our culture to make things more “fair” between men’s and women’s clothing choices, that it isn’t the end of the world if they do not. Right now there are an extreme amount of differences between what women can wear and what men can wear, but I find those differences to be beautiful for the most part. Men and women tend to be most attracted to what is different about each other, including different looks of clothing and make up. So while I hope things gradually change, I don’t think it’s a pressing issue, and I would never want them to change too much from where they are at now.
The rest of his post is pretty straightforward and excellent.
I want to point out one more thing though, that is his comment in reply to “Steve” at the bottom of this post. Here is part of it.
“I feel that a man must express his gender within the clothing boundaries (and I think this is totally possible and not a profound burden). He can express the full range of “feminine” character traits without taking on the external persona of a woman. But once he does take on this persona, I believe he is no longer simply expressing and seeking to express “feminine character” (ex. gentleness, beauty, etc.), but actual “femaleness”, which is in fact foreign to him, confusing (and very potentially harmful) to others, and ultimately imbalanced. I don’t presume to know your life, but I do presume to view mine in this way.”
I think this is especially insightful. For those of us struggling with crossdressing, we should concentrate on exhibiting traits which are good and human, even though the culture might term them “feminine.” And we must avoid trying to be “female” which we are not and can never be. For example, I am a man, body and soul, but the specific man that I am happens to be different from the traditional stereotype of a man in our culture, and more balanced between the extremes of masculinity and femininity. Instead of crossdressing in an attempt at inner peace in my identity (which I think only brings confusion), instead I can embrace who I am as a man who happens to be more quiet, gentle, and compassionate, and who pays more attention to beauty. (It is helpful to note that our culture’s definitions of masculinity and femininity may not line up very well with what the Bible says men and women are to be like).