Book Recommendation – He can never be she

For those of your wives looking for some help in dealing with your husband’s crossdressing or transgenderism, you could check out this book by Gae Hall – “He can never be she.”  It is also on Kindle as an e-book.  It also could be helpful to some of you crossdressers or those struggling with transgenderism.

I personally skimmed the whole book, reading most of it, but not every word.  I am not in a place to commit to saying that I agree with every bit of it.  I would only say something like that about a book after reading it fully and carefully.  I also know there are some sub-points which I might take issue with (she is generally more conservative than I am especially in regards to natural gender differences and gender roles).  However, largely I agree with most of it, and the book gets into the dangers and consequences of crossdressing, the effects it has on family, the logical and biblical reasons as to why it is wrong and a confusion, and talks about ways to look for help.  She also suggests ways for wives to deal with husbands who are struggling with it, and how wives can help their children as they struggle with transgendered fathers.  I thought she did a good job of showing some of the logical inconsistencies and confusions of transgender statements and arguments.

For me personally, there wasn’t much new that I learned factually.  However, I was STRONGLY influenced by her story, talking about her husband’s progression into full blown transgenderism, finally to living as a woman full-time and their eventual divorce.  The way her husband treated her was just awful.  Now, I know that just because her marriage went this way, it doesn’t mean that all marriages experiencing this struggle go this way, and so her story itself is not a proof of anything about the nature of transgenderism and its consequences.  However, because of my own personal knowledge of how crossdressing has taken place in my life and mind, when I read the story I was struck hard in the heart.  I knew, “but for the grace of God there go I.”  I could see much of myself in the often harsh and selfish and confused husband.

I recommend reading the book just to read her story.  On the day I started reading her story I had been having some small temptations.  After reading some of her story that day, all temptations had vanished.  I wanted nothing more to do with crossdressing ever again.  I don’t know if it will do the same for you, but it hit me powerfully.


5 comments on “Book Recommendation – He can never be she

  1. Rob Milliken says:

    I’d like to read it Pastor, though as a recovering cd myself. I’m all to aware of how the progression to allow the feminine side of our personalities freedom. Only leads to marital discord, selfishness, hormones,and even homosexual liasons. Praise Jesus for his grace, and mercy!


  2. ikthys says:

    I have had some personal correspondence with Gae Hall. I am also thankful for her testimony from the female side. However, I find it important to caution that her advice to women is inappropriately, and in my opinion counterproductively, harsh. She is quick (probably due to her own experiece) to have women begin laying down demands on their husbands, with the threat of divorce behind them (I begged her at length to remove such language from her pamphlet, which she did ammend some, but not nearly enough for my liking). This, to me, is both grossly unbiblical, and also very hurtful. Had my wife done that, things would have never worked out for us, and I’d still probably be in my old ways (perhaps more deeply entrenched than ever, not to mention divorced and a wreck to boot). My advice to women and couples is always to give some time for sorting things out, and to try to understand his complication and confusion (especially given that he himself does not likely understand it all yet). It took my wife and I over a year just to begin to get our heads around what we were saying, talking about, feeling, thinking, etc. Then we began to really make strides forward TOGETHER. I think a man coming clean on his cd desire is the greatest opportunity for growth and intimacy in a marriage as the couple works through it, and that doesn’t depend on him immediately seeing the light and turning from his ways. Gae espouses an adversarial approach from the get go that I find repulsive. Had to say that.


  3. thorin25 says:

    Well said Ikthys, thank you. It’s good to get that caution, which I agree with.


  4. robmilliken says:

    Hi Guy’s, most of us recovering cd’s spend a lot of time and attention in this spiritual battle that we find ourselves. Praying, reading scripture, or blogging on this site regarding our continued healing from the sin of cd, a check in, prayer request etc.. For me I find it helpful to poke my head up from the foxhole and take a look around at what else is going on besides the struggle…

    I’ve found that when i want a break from this life long warfare we’re called on to fight. A good book about The Lord distracts the mind, while still keeping our minds focused on Jesus. I’ve just finished another book called “Four Blood Moons” by John Hagee. Author of several NY Times bestsellers, senior Pastor of 20,000 member Cornerstone Church in San Antonio. And founder of John Hagee ministries which telecasts his teachings on TV and radio to over 249 countries since the 80’s.

    Among other interesting real time events in the heavens Pastor Hagee bases his book on Luke 21:25. “There will be signs in the sun, in the moon, and in the stars… Now when these things begin to happen, look up and lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near.” These signs called “blood moons” have been taking place roughly every five hundred years since 1492.

    These blood moons correlate to the original Old Testament Jewish calendar and their holidays, and we are currently in another 500 year cycle. The first of the next four blood moons was recorded by NASA on April 15, 2014, and three more are due by October 2015!! What does this mean? Well brothers we’re in the end times, so I’ll let you read the book and decide for yourselves it’s worth your time for sure.

    For those of us here on this site that have a personal relationship with our Father the story always has a happy ending. For those who don’t “Four Blood Moons” is a must read! When your talkin’ death and the hereafter, Jesus is like an American express card is in this life. Don’t leave life without Him!
    In Christ, Rob


  5. thorin25 says:

    Hi Rob, I totally agree. If we only focus on CD, we aren’t going to do well. We need to live life! Part of that means reading good books and learning new things.

    I think I would have a very different view of the end times than that book you mentioned. I believe we’ve been in the “end times” ever since Peter preached at Pentecost. Anyway, I am very glad you are reading good books. If you want more book recommendations, send me an email and I can give you all kinds, depending on what your interest is.

    Keep up the reading, and thanks for sharing ideas with us!


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