I am frustrated with myself and other crossdressers for expecting or even just hoping for our wives to act as lesbians. If you are a Christian and believe homosexual behavior is sinful, than trying to get your wife to act this way with you (while you are crossdressed) is just utter perverse debauchery. I refer to crossdressing during sex, but also crossdressing at all in your wife’s presence. She married a man, and wanted marital companionship with a man. If you are one of those crossdressers who says they are a part-time man, and when crossdressed, just act as a womanly friend of your wife, than you are still cheating your wife, in my opinion. You are supposed to be spending time with your wife as a husband, not a part-time girlfriend. You are forcing your wife to enjoy part of her marital intimacy in a lesbian way.
Furthermore, even if you think homosexual behavior is not immoral, surely you must realize that not all people are homosexual. Forcing someone to live in a pseudo-lesbian relationship with you while you are crossdressed, that is still fundamentally messed up. If you are unwilling to give up crossdressing, so be it, but don’t force your wife into situations that she is not suited for, uncomfortable with, or thinks are immoral for her.
This is a subject that makes me very uncomfortable, and personally uncomfortable as well, as there was at least one point in my marriage where I had hopes for my wife to be attracted to me while I was crossdressed. I hoped that she had subconscious lesbian feelings. I even talked with her about the idea. I feel more shame about that than I do about any of my crossdressing. Instead of loving and serving my wife, I had hoped to bring perversity into our marriage. Maybe that conversation happened only once, but I will never forget it. I was an idiot.
One thing that amazes me connected to this subject is how many wives or girlfriends tolerate crossdressing, and they then say that they have become lesbian or bisexual and learned how to live with their crossdressed or transsexual spouse. Trust me there are plenty out there. Articles, news articles, and blogs reveal relationships like this all the time. In a culture that says homosexual attraction is not a choice, it’s interesting how many women have sexual feelings that change when their husband starts living part-time or full-time as a woman. I am not sure how the general culture make sense of this sexual fluidity. It seems like stories of this nature are celebrated even though they seemingly go against the arguments that our sexuality cannot be changed. Personally, I think homosexual attraction in some ways is not a choice. We don’t choose to be predisposed to those kinds of attractions or not. But I also believe that all of us can slowly change and learn new sexual feelings and attractions, even if it takes a lifetime of work. We can learn to desire what God wants us to desire. And we can learn to desire new things that God does not want us to desire. That’s why I think so many people who become sexually deviant in one area, learn to be sexually deviant in other areas as well. They experiment and try new things and learn to enjoy other types of sexual desire.
Okay, getting off topic. I’d like to challenge us, those of us who are Christians, those who think giving in to homosexual behavior is sinful, to treat our wives in a more godly way. Don’t expect her to become your lesbian lover. Don’t expect her to be okay with trading her husband for a pretend wife. Most of us I guess would not “force” our wives into anything like this. But don’t try to manipulate her into it either, and in fact, let’s not even try to talk her into it. It’s true that your wife would technically still be loving you, a man, and not another woman. But why would we want to talk our wives into acting out lesbian feelings in her heart and mind? I have made a commitment to never ask my wife such a thing again, and I hope all of you will make a similar commitment.