Published Study – Impact on wives of MTF husbands

Here is an interesting study about the impacts that crossdressing and transsexual husbands have had on their wives.  The study is called – Thematic Analysis of the Experiences of Wives who stay with Husbands who transition Male-to-Female.  I felt like the authors/researchers took a mostly positive view of crossdressing and transgenderism, perhaps thinking that giving in to such behaviors is necessary, and they thought it interesting to see how certain couples beat all the odds and managed to stick together.

For me however, I read this article with deep sadness, thinking about all the pain and confusion and destruction this behavior brings into marriages.  It looks like they only studied couples that didn’t choose to get divorced.  So as you read it, keep in mind all the wives that couldn’t handle the pain and confusion, the wives who didn’t want to become functionally lesbian, who got out of their painful situation, their messed up marriages.   The article is just about the few brave (or liberal) women who stayed, and even these brave women experienced much pain, heartache, questioning of their sexuality, worry that their husbands would become attracted to men (and some did), beaten down self-esteem, forced reversal of gender roles, and great waning of sexual activity in the marriage.  The fact that a few women find ways to cope with the behavior, stay married, and treat their husband as a soul-mate rather than a husband, does nothing to make me think that their husbands’ behavior was acceptable.  I have great respect for any woman who is willing to stay married to a husband who is causing her great suffering, because she wants to stay faithful and loving and is full of forgiveness.  But the fact that there are brave women out there like this doesn’t mean that any woman should have to go through something like this!

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34 comments on “Published Study – Impact on wives of MTF husbands

  1. Ralph says:

    The article makes an excellent case for telling her BEFOREHAND about all the skeletons in your closet (or dresses, as it were). However, it also seems largely geared towards folks who desire permanent refactoring of the plumbing so I’m not sure I see how it relates to us. The psychological issues that true M-to-F transitionals experience are not at all the same as those of a heterosexual male who just likes to play around temporarily in the world of women before going back to being a man. I’d be far more interested in reading from the wives’ point of view in those situations. Put aside being asked to simulate a lesbian relationship; how do they feel about a man who just wants to shed his manhood for a couple of hours a day, or on weekends, or whatever?

    I know we have some “tranny widows” here who are struggling with that very issue, and I think a formal study on how different couples respond would be very educational.

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  2. thorin25 says:

    Agreed, kind of a hard thing to study though as its so private. I certainly would not engage in such a study unless they assured me of confidentiality.

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  3. A cd wife says:

    If you want the answer to how wives feel check out http://cdwives.tripod.com/id9.html

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  4. stoknheels says:

    I agree. This study is more about a man that wants to be female.
    My plumbing works just fine and my wife and I are very happy.

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  5. thorin25 says:

    cd wife, I’ve added that link to my links and resources page

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  6. Michael26 says:

    Cd Wife, Thank you for providing this link. It’s helpful to see what women have to say in response to our perversion.

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  7. Michael26 says:

    I can see, Thorin, that God’s placed on your heart the harmful effects that CDing has on women, wives, etc. Which I think really shows how much we can really become who we were meant to be, and have the drive to tenderly love our wives – if we happen to have one, and if we don’t it can at least help shape our hearts toward women in our lives – when we allow God to work in us, and we’re truly enabled to give up this crap… and all along, slowly but surely, giving Jesus more and more of this crap in our lives, but ultimately, giving more and more of not just the CDing, but our entire beings to Him. And slowly, we are able to truly give, admire, care, love SO tenderly the way we deep-down have always longed to be able to so! Giving up more of ourselves to another and to others that God puts in our way and to stop this selfish cycle, and more and more, incrementally, be those truly, lovely Men that we were meant to be – that God wants us to be, but also our wife or our future “Special Someone” that He’ll bring into our lives to bless and cherish!! : )

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  8. Ralph says:

    Wow, there’s a lot of hate on that site. Not just anger about the crossdressing, but some extremely low opinions of what men (and apparently, 100% of us, all the time) want and say and do. Before visiting that site I never realized that everything I say and do is just subtle coercion to get more sex, and my wife is just a toy for me to play with when I want sex.

    I certainly understand their anger, but they’re making just as big a mistake being unwilling to hear his side of it, as are the CDs who think it’s all about them and refuse to see their wive’s point of view. Instead of being an echo chamber of CDs all telling each other it’s great, it’s harmless, shame on the wife for not understanding — it’s an echo chamber of CD wives all encouraging one another to believe that men are pigs and we don’t care about them.

    Now if you’ll excuse me I’m late for my mud wallow.

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  9. thorin25 says:

    That’s a good word Ralph, I didn’t read tons of comments at the site, but if what you say is true, that is a good suggestion for them to hear. Even if they are looking to give up CD, husbands will have a difficult time healing and figuring things out without a supportive wife who listens, understands, is patient, and forgives.

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  10. An Affected Wife says:

    Hi Thorin,Like all addictions you have to want to change with or without your wifes blessing or support. You can find that on here ,twelve step groups ect. There are all views on the Cross Dressers wives forum.and remember the anger shared by some comes from a lot of pain as a resullt of 99% of the time the wives not being told prior to the marriage and the severe pain of discovery and often escalation.And Ralph no where does it state on the site that men are pigs and they don’t care about their wives.Take another look if you dare or is the truth of the site too much to handle.

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  11. thorin25 says:

    Okay, let’s not let this degrade into a shouting match. Ralph, to be fair, I relooked at the forums there just now and didn’t see any evidence of what you were talking about, but I also didn’t want to spend all my time going back and reading their pages and pages of forum comments (so I could have missed some stuff you were reading). There is some anger at husbands, but I think they have a right to be angry, and besides if they can’t vent there where can they vent? Venting there doesn’t mean they aren’t listening to their husbands in person and hearing them out.

    If there happen to be some wives expressing unfair anger without understanding commenting on that site, then it is no different from my site. I allow just about every comment including the ones from people who are calling me a bigot or people that think crossdressing is okay, or by people who are more hateful towards crossdressing than I am. Their forum is for all cd wives, and some will comment things we like, and I’m sure some will comment tings we don’t like. It can still be a valuable resource, and a good place for women to vent which is why I’m keeping it on my link page.

    And for you cd wives, I do think it is helpful for you to hear Ralph’s comment, even if he didn’t write it nicely and even if you don’t think it is a helpful or true assessment overall of your site. In his comment, you can hear his and my strong desire that wives listen, understand, and forgive, realizing that we didn’t choose these desires that we have. Now Ralph and I take different opinions about crossdressing, he doing it with moderation with full consent from his wife, and me thinking it’s never good at all, and sinful, and wanting it out of my life. But still we both have that same desire to be understood and not harshly judged for having a compulsion that we didn’t choose to have. God can use you in reminding other wives on your forum of that reality from time to time.

    Sound good? Can we be at peace? If I’ve misunderstood or misrepresented either of you in this comment, I apologize. It was not my intent of course. Feel free to correct me or continue this dialogue with each other, just keep it civil 🙂

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  12. Affected wife says:

    Like all addictions you didn’t wake up one day and say “i fancy one” but hey ho! The main gripe on the forum is the wives were not told so were not given any choice before commitment.Thorin there is a heated debate going on around escalation ,do you think like other addictions it will always if left untreated escalate? Addiction is a progressive disease. PS You sound such a lovely person thank you for making me welcome.

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  13. thorin25 says:

    Judging by what others say, it sounds like for some crossdressers it doesn’t escalate at all (take Ralph for example), and it remains something done in moderation and maybe could not be called an addition. For others, it escalates to the point of destroying families, or losing jobs, or finally thinking one should get a sex change (with some doing it). I know for me, that it is an addiction that escalates if I choose to give in to it. As much as I want to at times say that it’s always the case that it is obsessive addiction that escalates, it seems to not be so for some people. (though admitting that would still not make me think that their crossdressing is good). Addiction is just one part of why I think it is a problem.

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  14. Ralph says:

    Fair enough, CD Wife and Affected Wife — I plead guilty to using inflammatory words that did not actually appear on that website; that was just the overall impression I got when reading over comments like this:
    “Remember they are the masters of deception with years of practice.”
    “CD men seem oblivious that women are attracted masculinity”
    “The propaganda wheels turn heavy there and a collective delusion fills every single corner.”
    “It Is most men In general,they think with 1 thing and 1 thing only!”
    “I think its because their blood can only flow to one place at a time, so guess the brain misses out big time ”
    “Your CDH has a sexual arousal driven compulsive disorder – it involves much more than the physical act of putting on an article of women’s clothing. It’s sex, it’s arousal, it’s lies, it’s fantasizing, it’s misplaced marital affection, it’s deceit, it’s selfish self-admiration, it’s petty jealousy, it’s misdirection, it’s vindictive narcissism, it’s voyeurism, it’s exhibitionism.”
    “Men are definitely great at delusion.”
    “it’s a sexual compulsion (I honestly don’t believe the men who say its anything else as that’s just denial!) ”

    Now to be fair, there were also a few responses calling for a halt to the “all men are like this” or “all CDers are like this” generalizations, but that was the impression I walked away with when I browsed the site.

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  15. Temptedsinner says:

    CD Wife and Affected Wife, Thank you for posting on this forum and also thanks go to Thorin for being a voice in the desert!
    I did not read the study that Thorin pointed out here, I have read many over the years that support CDing and the like. I found this blog maybe 7 months ago and have stopped by from time to time to catch up. I consider myself a recovering CD / CDH. I would like to comment in defense of The Cross Dressers Wife Forum. First let me state that I hate the format, it is so difficult to follow. Beyond that I have been stopping by there almost weekly to remind myself as to part of the reason I am trying to live a pure and chaste life right now. I has been one of my recovery resources. Yes there is a fair amount of CD bashing that goes on there and a lot of generalizations based upon the perceptions of each individual female poster. Where else are they going to do it. Almost any CD site that we may visit does the same thing bashing our wives for not being understanding and taking an active role in our fetish or compulsion. There have been a couple of time when I have felt tears welling up as I read the pain of a new poster because the man that she thought she had married is suddenly gone. Whether it is by discovery or discloser her whole world has come crashing down. To find out that the person whom you love so very much has been in most cases been hiding a deep dark secret for in some cases a couple of decades is devastating. With women being women their emotions go on overload. How in the world can she ever trust us again? I say “us” as a means of generalization. My case is different….. And if I didn’t hate writing so much I would probably try and tell my whole story . I told and showed my wife before we got engaged because I knew this was a big part of my sexual satisfaction. In fact I was fully dressed (minus stuffing in my bra) when I proposed. Over valentines weekend that we were spending together while her son was spending the weekend with her folks. I had plenty of coke and alcohol to not have to leave the house except she had to go to church on Sunday. Otherwise it was an intoxicated sex fest. I knew I had to have this woman, I wanted to marry her. I was unprepared for this but just had to ask her, The only ring I had available was much larger than her finger and was designed for a different part of the male anatomy, so that’s what I used. Holy Crap I am telling my story! Let me try to get back to the point of this post. …… I guess because I had told her that I had the right to expect her to support, encourage me, take part in this aspect of my being and to grow with me. Well guess what? She didn’t. So I gradually went underground, would hide my magazines that related to or had stories related to CDing. Along comes the internet, we all know what is possible there and all for free too. And to the point of a couple of regular posters on the CDW forum, my behaviour continued to escalate . More and more and more, it was very easy to spend 3 – 6 even 18 hours when I had the opportunity on line playing with myself. I was the other woman, it for me was all about sex. The thrill of shopping, always hoping for that fantasy story ending. The chatting on line where in the beginning I said “No Guys” which also went by the wayside.
    My point is that what ( I am going to call them out ) ladies like Alice and Bambi on that forum say about the escalation is a legitimate concern that these ladies need to be aware of. Not all of us do it but I have known so many of us over the years that I stand behind the statement of ladies beware!!!!

    OK, I hate typing so let me put my soap box away and go do something constructive.

    Praying for you all who chose to fight this battle
    Temptedsinner

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  16. thorin25 says:

    Temptedsinner, thank you so much for the post and your story. It’s good to hear your perspective of the cd wives forum, and glad that it has been helpful to you. You say you are a recovering cd. It I may ask, does that mean you have given up crossdressing? If so, how long has it been? How are you feeling now. I’m more interested in that part of the story 🙂

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  17. Temptedsinner says:

    It has been since the Feast of Christ the King,Nov, 25th since I have really CD’d. When I woke up and realized what day it was, instead of doing my usual routine of jumping on the computer and looking for something to get me off I prayed to reamain pure for this day. OMG, it was so easy for that day and even the next day, Monday. But Tuesday was a whole different story. that I could maybe realte at another time.
    Please know this … Our Lord can and will save us from our selves.
    Prayers go out to all of you.

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  18. thorin25 says:

    Thank you tempted sinner!

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  19. Bambi says:

    Hi Temptedsinner,

    It warms my heart to know that the site has helped you. Reading what you have just posted,I am guessing you were the CD who posted the other day about being “mystified”. I am sorry,you were mystified,If It was you,I wanted to post to you,but ran out of time that day. I give you 100% on trying to give up the CDing. My husband Is now 14 months CD clean. For my husband It was about the sex and he also admitted he Is an Addict. That Is the first step to any Addiction,Is being honest with yourself and admitting Addiction.

    For any of you, that may have questions,I will answer to the best of my ability.

    God Bless All Of You In This Journey

    Bambi CDW Forum Poster

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  20. Temptedsinner says:

    The CDW site has helped me to see what and who I had become. My wife had said different things over the years but I couldn’t hear her. Where on the other hand some of what you Ladies over there at CDW said cut right through me. You (all ) were talking about me and my selfishness and all of the tricks and methods that I used to keep my secret. It all struck nerve with me and helped the scales fall from my eyes. I must add that I have so far to go in this recovery. Similar to your husband I am an addict, I don’t need to put on a single female garment in order to cross dress. As I look back at the 40 some years of engaging in this activity I am beginning to realize that CDing was/is my “gateway drug” to sexual addiction. I hope and PRAY that your hubby is as clean as you think he is. This affliction has triggers all over the place, everywhere. Trying to control my brain can be exhausting, just the other day as I was listening to a song that came on the radio, ZZ Top, She’s got legs… I loved that song but I found myself thinking how nice it is to be those legs wearing XXXXXXXX . It was quite an effective sneak attack, when I realized what was happening I changed the station and prayed briefly. I do have to say that without God I wouldn’t even have this awareness. I would most likely be sitting in a chat room right now hoping to have an intense sexual encounter with someone. Something that I had convinced myself of was not cheating. The master of lies sure has an endless supply of tools and snares to drag us into the world of sin. Ruining Sacramental marriages and families. We with these sorts of problems are so blind to it all. Our country seems to almost promote our decline as a society, and the destruction of the family. ( putting soap box away )

    I am not the mystified CD that you mention, If you’re talking about in the CDW forum, most definitely not, that is for you real women. I have wanted to chime in from time to time but I am trying not pretend anymore. That is all I can do is try… try to be honest with myself, with others, try to be clean and pure. Which brings to mind an unresolved issues, probably one of many. LOL It is one that many a CD has struggled with, How Do I Tell My Wife? Not quite like most others because she has known for over 30 years that I dress. But that I am trying to escape all of this BS. And to turn my heart back to her and her happiness. There were so many years that I just wanted out of this marriage so that “I could just be me!!!” (sound familiar to anyone out there? ) Because she would not take part in what I wanted. She believes that we have had 29 good years out of 30. Her 1 bad year had to do when I took over the finances. I just used that as an opportunity to push her farther away. Such manipulation I have used over the years…… Much like my escapades my recovery is also in secret. I’m so tired of secrets, but when you are so good at it – it just comes natural. Oh well I’m sure eventually the Holy Spirit will give the strength and the right words as well.

    I commend your H for his accomplishment so far and you Bambi for your continued strength.

    And Thorin….. Thanks

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  21. Bless... a CDWives poster says:

    What else can a wife do but be listening, understanding, patient, and forgiving? It’s the only way to stay married and have some sort of peace within. I’ve been trying to listen to my CDH (who is either in remission or hiding again), but he refuses to talk and walks away. I’ve tried to understand, but all I can see is that he deceives himself with reasoning maybe more than he’s tried to deceive me. I’ll hopefully continue patience, trying to “not weary in well doing”, but we’re married 34 years, known since about half, got much worse about 5 years ago, and now I hardly feel married anymore, yet in a trap of wanting to love and respect my husband, yet feeling hated because I call CD a sin. And I continue to forgive when husband isn’t sorry. Some call that being an “enabler” of his wrong, so I’m still the wrong one. Another word for patience is “longsuffering”, and it does hurt!!

    I was glad to read what Michael and Thorin said here. It makes me feel better to know some men care. I feel Ralph’s comments, by the way he had to “prove his point” about the cdwives site, were just more “blame shifting” for not wanting to see the pain and frustration a CD husband can cause the wife. The feelings of “generalization” toward hating?/being disgusted? with “all” men is a very real feeling when a wife has been betrayed by her husband, the one who “loves” her!! This applies to most any sexual sin, whether porno, adultary, or CD. Deceipt and betrayal hurts/cuts DEEP.

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  22. Bless... a CDWives poster says:

    P.S. Thank you Thorin for this web-site. It was suggested to my husband by a pastor, but he never did read much of it.

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  23. thorin25 says:

    Thank you you Bless, I’m glad this site can be a resource to pastors who probably hardly understand anything about crossdressing addictions. Your marriage sounds very difficult, I mean it is obvious that your marriage is super difficult! It’s hard to live like Jesus lived, mistreated, betrayed, unloved, sacrificing yourself, longsuffering patience, others speaking bad about you, etc. But you are truly following Jesus, taking up your cross daily, as you keep loving and forgiving. I will pray for you right now that God gives you strength to keep this up, and that God continually fills up the reservoir of your soul with his joy and peace, so that you can joyfully love your husband and others each day.

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  24. Bambi says:

    Good Morning,
    I am a wife that did not know. I found my H’S stash after being together a total of 17 yrs.I had never even heard of Cross Dressing,I knew nothing about this life-long condition. I found out In August 2011. My H led a path of destruction from Aug.-Dec 2011. Then I had enough! New Year’s 2012 I told my H”If we are to remain married,you have to control this behavior,you have to figure out what to do,I will help and support You, any way that I can,but I can not allow this behavior In my life on a daily basis”!
    January-March,2012 CD clean. I went out of Town for the night,H fell,he CDED!
    April 2012-Until Today CD clean!
    We have not discussed CD since November. I did ask my H before posting the other day”have you CD,did you slip”? My H said “NO”! I believe him and trust him. My H has no reason to lie to me.And he would only be lying to himself,as this Is “HIS” addiction. Would I get mad,If he had a slip? “NO, I would be disappointed,but not mad! And If he were to fall,as long as he picks himself back up,and continues to fight this struggle,that Is all I can ask of him. My H Is human,he Is not a Robot! lol Humans make mistakes,as long as we learn from our mistakes,and move forward,that Is all any of us can do.

    The last time we had a discussion about CD was back In November. I don’t bring It up, because I trust him. And when I had quit smoking, the few times that I did, I learned to never tell anybody. Because people would then ask me”so how are you doing with the smoking”? And I understand people are caring,but when they would ask me about It,then I would think about It,and really crave that cigarette! lol So I feel,the less I ask him,the less conversation about CD,better for him,he will not think about It! lol He knows I am right here,If he would need me for any support or help.

    YES,Temptedsinner,It Is the mind, that Is the struggle! My H told me “the longer I do without, the easier It Is”! To change you’r thinking pattern after 40+ yrs,Is a monumental task for any human! lol And as you said yourself,the triggers are EVERYWHERE! The last time we had talked about the CD, my H said” there are times we watch TV,I see a dress and I want It”! So I told him, when his thoughts go to that dress,he has to look at the dress and think”my wife would look beautiful In that dress,or my niece,anybody other than YOURSELF”! It Is all about changing the way you think.

    He has kept himself very busy. And back In Nov. he told me, that he loves when we Travel,then he has something to look forward to and think about. So for Christmas, I bought numerous Trips,and gave them to him for Christmas. To help keep his mind off those WICKED CD thoughts! lol There have been so many changes that I have seen,little habits,that I thought were him,and they were NOT,they pertained to the CDing! But the largest change I have witnessed, he now has a calm about himself, that I have never seen, In all of the time we have been together. Maybe It’s an Inner Peace?
    Temptedsinner,I am glad you never posted on the Forum! lol
    Thorin,Thank You for Allowing Me To Post,I hope I have helped others on this Site.

    As Long As “YOU” Are “TRUE” To Yourselves, “YOU” Have The “POWER” To Conquer ANYTHING!
    May God Bless All Of You Through Out This Journey

    Bambi CDW Forum Poster

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  25. Temptedsinner says:

    I almost feel like I have hijacked this thread. But this past week has been particularly difficult, I have been on vacation, home alone with the knowledge of when anyone would be coming home. Since my conversion which took place over a period of about 3 days (some day I will figure out how to write it all down if anyone is interested ) This has not been a fight, it became so easy to avoid the actual sins of dressing and chatting. I don’t throw around the word Miracle lightly but in my life that is exactly what this gift of purity has been. Have I slipped and danced around the edges? Unfortunately YES L but I don‘t count in terms of days or weeks, it is a journey. Had I not asked God for that one day I never would have found the many helpful sites that I did. To date I have gradually packed away most of my crap, there is still one area that I was going to do this past week but I knew I couldn’t do it with the strength needed for the task. I have managed to stop all of the sexually related emails from my (other email) but it is the one that I am also using in recovery . For me it seems to be baby steps. I have done the purging and filters and all of that in the past but I have figured out that I can’t fool myself. If I want it I will find away to get it. Now taking this same attitude with keeping clean is a much more daunting task. But one I am up for…… all I really have to do is listen and follow the Lord.
    There I go blabbering again.
    The reason for this post is to say THANK YOU!!! To Thorin for providing this place, And especially to you four wonderful ladies who have shared your thoughts and stories with us. I don’t know if I would have survived this week without you all. If I can in anyway help your husbands I would be glad to do so. Or anyone else for that matter, I will refrain from putting my email in here for now at least with out permission.

    Again, THANK YOU ! THANK YOU 1 THANK YOU!
    I Pray for each of you and your Families.

    God Bless
    Tempted

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  26. thorin25 says:

    You are both very welcome, and thank you both for your comments. Bambi your story is wonderful in that you have helped your husband give up CD, that he has done so and has been handling it well, and that you give forgiveness when he falls, and help him back up, rather than shaming him. Great story. Hope he continues to find victory. You could suggest him joining our email prayer chain if he would be interested. It’s a great place to vent and get support. Easier to vent to us about wanting to wear a dress, than to you I’m sure. We will understand why he wants to do it. We can give him advice, pray for him, encourage him, etc.

    Tempted sinner you may also want to look at our email prayer chain, and think about joining that for support and prayer. I will pray for you right now in your alone time, and the temptations that come, and I will pray that God gives you strength to deal with the things you still need to do to get CD out of your life completely, in deed and thought.

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  27. Bambi says:

    Hi Tempedsinner,

    I had no plan to post,but then read,you are really struggling this week. Today Is only Tuesday,and you have the rest of the week off. I really don’t know what you enjoy. But you have to stay busy. Go for long walks,look at the beautiful flowers that are In bloom. Go out for Bicycle Rides,go for a long drive In you’r car,look at the scenery. Do ANYTHING,BUT please do not sit In your house and beat yourself up,about the fact, that you are struggling! If you were NOT struggling,you would be the Robot that I talked about! lol

    And YES,great Idea to not clean out the rest of your stuff,If you are not strong at the moment. Just put that In the back of your mind! And when you feel strong,then clean It out,you will know when the time Is right for you. My H did this In baby steps. His first clean out was Jan.2012,then he burned the rest In Nov. 2012. He kept 2 outfits that he has In a very tiny suitcase,and told me,he would get rid of It,at a later date. I never looked In there,to see what he has kept,It really doe’s not matter to me,what 2 outfits he had kept. I never asked him “why are you keeping those right now”? I believe people have to do things are their time line,NOBODY else’s,as they “OWN” the Addiction. The Addict has to do what Is right for them!
    But I will admit,It gives me great pleasure to know,my H has gained about 25pds since NO CD! So whatever 2 outfits he did keep,they won’t be fitting him like they did! lol If at ALL! 🙂

    And just my thoughts on this,I would cancel that e-mail Account you had. For Recovery start a new 1. YOU are starting over,the new e-mail Account should be for you’r Recovery and Purity,that you have now started. And then DELETE that other Account with the contacts that you should NO longer be associating yourself with. Out of sight,out of mind,as they say! lol
    My H was not on Forums,and he had NO e-mail for his “WICKED” side! lol But he did have e-mails coming In from Victoria Secret,Fredricks,so he went OFF of their e-mail lists! He did not need to go Into his e-mail and SEE what the latest Fashion at VS Is! lol So If you have any of that type of stuff coming In,get rid of that also. Clean Sweep ALL of It! Make this,as easy as possible. And with any Addiction,you have to stay busy,when you have time,that Is when you fall! FACT! The mind will travel to the Addiction,I KNOW,I have fought smoking! 🙂

    Maybe the other men on here,can tell you,what Is helping them. I do apologize, I have not had time to read any of the Blogs on this site. I did visit this site,quite some time ago,I want to say a year ago ?

    My Thoughts and Prayers Are With You

    Thank You Thorin, for allowing me to post to him

    Bambi CDW Forum Poster

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  28. Temptedsinner says:

    Thank you both, very much! I will join the email list. Today was the last day of my vacation. So I am pretty good now !

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  29. Ralph says:

    Let me expand on Bambi’s advice, TS: I heard a great sermon about how the labels we use can shape our self-perception and our behavior. To that end, he refuses to say he’s a sinner, even though he (like all of us) falls short of God’s will for us all too often. So why isn’t he a sinner? Because it’s not *who he is*. He’s a saint, according to Paul, who happens to sin. Just like people who, for example, cook the occasional meal in the kitchen but would laugh if anyone ever asked “are you a cook?” It’s not my profession, it’s not what I strive to do better or more often. In the same way, although I sin embarrassingly often, it’s not what I strive to do better or more often. Thanks to the unearned grace of Christ’s blood, I am in the book of life as a saint, and although I don’t always succeed in living up to that name those sins that I still commit are forgiven. It’s like those bumper stickers I see from time to time: “I’m not perfect… I’m just forgiven”.

    If you continue calling yourself a sinner, you will be more inclined to sin because, well, that’s what you are.

    So I totally agree, “Temptedsinner” isn’t you! I can’t argue that we are all tempted, but you are NOT a sinner. You are a child of God who happens to sin just like the rest of us (and probably less frequently than I do).

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  30. thorin25 says:

    Good thoughts Ralph. It’s part of the tension of the Christian life. We are already “dead to sin” in Paul’s words, completely free from it, and victorious over it. And yet “we do what we don’t want to do” and “we sin.” What Jesus has done has severed our connection with sin, but until he comes back and makes us and this world new, we still at times choose to follow our old nature rather than our new.

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  31. Temptedsinner says:

    I have been pondering what has been said here recently in regards to my email address and my screen name and I think I am going to stick with both of them for a variety of reasons. The email identity I have had for maybe 20 yrs. Since my primary form of self entertainment was chatting, mostly in a sinful context but also on a more serious and meaningful level with other CD’s as we questioned why we do what we do (did) . During that time I have cycled through purging & binging a few times. I would imagine that many of you other Men have been through the same cycle and I know of others still over there on “the dark side” that have been through this without success in beating this sexual compulsion. Don’t get me wrong, I am not claiming to have beaten this monster by any stretch of the imagination. But I do seem to have a little more solid footing than I have in the past. If I do slip up I am not giving up and saying “oh well, it’s no use trying” . I do get pissed off, disappointed and even depressed but I wake up and pray that today I am able to live purely and honestly with out giving in.

    There are so many of “us” out there and we are all different as to where our crossdressing has taken us. In here ( this blog) whether a regular or a first time visitor something has inspired us to look in a different direction than the overwhelming majority of CD sites would suggest to us. By the same token I think we are all similar in that we have become very good at the art of deception and even lying in order to hide this affliction. I hope to someday be in a position to help others overcome crossdressing as well as other sexual addictions. I think I had mentioned before that CDing was like a gateway drug that opened me up to other perverse deviations .

    I need to stop here because my mind is starting to wander in undesirable directions. We must always be on guard .

    Praying for you all
    Temptedsinner.

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  32. Temptedsinner says:

    Under Thorin’s heading of helpful reading is a link for http://myunordinary.blogspot.com/ which at times was difficult to read , but it got me to search for wife of CD or something like that. I for one had always wished and fantasized that my wife would embrace and encourage my so called feminine side. That is until one day she said quite frankly that it does nothing for her. That pretty much ended the dreams I had in my head. Anyway I had sifted through the sites of mostly CD’s with supposedly supportive wives before I came across the crossdressers wives forum. These women were not taken into consideration when the Impact study at the top of this thread was taken. There is so much hurt, fear, pain , anger & confusion. The ladies are all different as are their CD husbands. I respect that it is a forum for the women but there are time that I want to scream Yes, Yes, listen to her this could very well be your husband now or in the future. I am going to paste a post from there that has gotten this one lady all kinds of grief because her husband is at the the extreme end of the spetrum. I think he is dressing going out and ………

    This is the only forum which will even permit discussion about the sexual beginnings of crossdressing, much less allow anyone to acknowledge how entrenched the sex is and how it continues throughout their CD path. No one wants to talk about it, everyone wants to sweep it under the rug, everyone wants to live in denial, everyone wants to claim it is “trans-gender feminine expression”. I have spent the last 6-7 months neck deep in the ‘TG’ community and it is ALL about sex. It’s disgusting. The secondary perversions (Exhibitionism, Voyourism, Hypersexuality, Pornography, Adultery) are overwhelming. And this isn’t just the fetish CDs, it runs all the way through the transsexuals who are on hormones and have surgery scheduled for next month! THAT is why I post. I dont think anyone else on this forum is living so deeply inside this disorder. If they are, they dont speak up about it. So many of you seem to think I’m making angry, bitter, negative posts about crossdressing. These posts are quite cathartic for me, very positive, and I post my comments in a generous, heartfelt effort to help others. No one should have to go through what I have for the past 6-7 months in order to get to the bottom of this disorder and see just how sick it really is. Someone, somewhere needs to hold up the ugly beacon of truth and reality.

    Some of the regulars there don’t want to here this stuff and they end up bickering back and forth. Now I don’t know about the rest of you Guys but that is the road I was on & my wife had no clue. Something I am ashamed of and as sobriety continues I look back and find it hard to believe that I did some of the things that I have done. I am an addict to this stuff and just trying to type out these last 2 posts my pulse has increased my hands are shaking a bit and it would only take a few clicks before I would find my self “neck deep” in that garbage.

    Please Pray for these ladies and their husbands and families.

    That’s all I got for now.
    Temptedsinner

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  33. thorin25 says:

    Yes those ladies certainly need support too. So they know, they are always welcome to post comments here and dialogue with us, add to the discussions with their wisdom, ask questions, or ask for prayers.

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