Eroticization as a Coping Method

On some forum or blog this link came up and just now I looked at it.  It’s pretty thought provoking to consider fetishes and paraphilias in general, including crossdressing – What Causes Spanking Fetishes? A testable model.

I’m not sure I understand all the science behind this, and if it’s really legitimate or not.  But the theory sounds good and makes sense, that a child eroticizes something in order to cope with trauma.  There has to be some explanation for the strange fetishes out there and this makes pretty good sense to me.  While this theory makes better account of spanking I think it could account for some or all crossdressing fetishes as well.

Maybe this is why so many people combine crossdressing and punishment.  Do some online searches or read crossdressing fiction and you’ll see this to be a strong theme.  Perhaps some were punished through crossdressing and they eroticized it.  This was not the case for me, hence crossdressing stories about punishment do nothing for me.

In my case, perhaps, (I have no idea), but perhaps being crossdressed by my sister was traumatic in some way.  Maybe it was traumatic for me because of my disposition even though it is not traumatic for most boys.  And perhaps I eroticized the activity as a coping mechanism to avoid the trauma

This is interesting from the article too – “An alternate coping mechanism may be “acting out” behavior as a redirection of repressed aggressive impulses in symbolic, rather than actual, ways. If I am right, children who “act out” by being rebellious, violent or otherwise “bad” would be disproportionately LESS likely to become spanking fetishists because they are utilizing a different neural strategy. By similar reasoning, I would predict that a disproportionately high number of spanking fetishists were compliant “good” children in comparison with the general population.”

Although I don’t have the spanking fetish at all, perhaps the same reasoning applies to crossdressing somehow.  I was a very good child, and did not act out at all in being rebellious.  Maybe I acted out instead through crossdressing.

Lots of interesting things to think about with this article in relation to crossdressing.  What do others of you think after reading it?

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14 comments on “Eroticization as a Coping Method

  1. Roger says:

    You’re on the right track. Most crossdress because it provides relief. Could this be relief from traumatic experiences that have yet to be healed?

    http://stanley-siegel.com/2011/09/28/what-our-sexual-fantasies-say-about-our-past/

    EFT is a great way to heal from trauma without having to spend thousands of dollars on therapist.

    http://www.emofree.com/

    This is a great book that teaches how to use energy for the purposes of healing. I have found it to be very helpful.

    http://www.amazon.com/dp/1585424420

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  2. thorin25 says:

    Thanks for the comment. I made a note of the links and will check them out when I get time, though my list of links is pretty long 🙂

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  3. Roger says:

    “I would make the side note that fetishes and strong (but unwanted) desires for certain situations, people or objects can be treated successfully with EFT, even if they have proven entirely untreatable with any other known method or approach; treating issues of shame and guilt about fetishes is also a very, very healing and reconciling thing to do and regardless whether an abatement in desire for the fetish is required or not.”

    http://www.eftuniverse.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=3715

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  4. Roger says:

    Video: Sexual Issues & Emotional Conditioning

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  5. thorin25 says:

    My wife and I tried using EFT for our sexual marriage problems (told to by a counselor), and we tried really hard, and tried to take it seriously, and tried to be committed about it. But it never accomplished anything for us, and felt it was goofy. Just being honest.

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  6. Roger says:

    It doesn’t work for everything, and there is an art to using it. It must be applied within it’s set of principles for it to be effective. But it does work for anyone if used properly, it doesn’t discriminate in that way.

    EFT alone won’t necessarily break an addiction or fetish completely, but it can help. If nothing else it’s a tool that can be used to stop oneself from acting out compulsively.

    Most people do feel “goofy” using it, at least initially. I felt the same way, but my EFT teacher taught me that feeling that way is actually a “block” in itself that must be overcome.

    “even though I feel silly while tapping, I love and accept myself anyway”

    “even though I question whether EFT works, I love and accept myself anyway.”

    EFT is designed to block automated responses to certain stimuli and create new responses. For instance, let’s say that you have arachnophobia. Any phobia in general is an unhealthy, excessive fear of something. We would say that having a small amount of fear/caution of poisonous spiders is proper because they can harm us. But having excessive fear isn’t necessary at all, and can be debilitating.

    So, you would start by picturing the spider in your head. This would evoke strong, intense feelings of fear.

    Just by saying and tapping on each acupressure point “even though I have this strong fear of spiders, I still completely love and accept myself” alone will lower the intensity at least somewhat the next time you picture a spider.

    Tapping on acupressure points creates an energy shift in the body, which breaks the automated response of fear.

    It may take multiple sessions of tapping and addressing various aspects to see real results (as the video shows), but the chances are very good that you will.

    I have been using it for over a year now, so I can vouch for its effectiveness. I have used it to heal from many issues from my past, and I use it today to handle emotions, primarily anger.

    My class re-union is in a month, and for awhile I felt tremendous anxiety about going. After a few sessions of tapping, I feel almost no anxiety at all when thinking about my re-union.

    At the end of the day, it’s up to you whether you or anyone else here wants to use it. I just want people to know that it’s there and it can help. It doesn’t cost any money and has no side effects. There is no risk, nothing to lose, one can only gain by using it.

    And if people have a crossdressing fetish because of emotional trauma, then using EFT to heal from that trauma can make a big difference in that person’s life.

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  7. thorin25 says:

    I do thank you for the recommendation. I wasn’t trying to be argumentative about it. I think it must work well for some people. Just didn’t do it for me. For me it seems that EFT comes down to much of the same principles that I use as a Christian praying to God. I talk to him about what I am feeling and make the new emotional responses. Or I say to myself, “I am loved by God.” Or I could say, “since I am loved so much by God, I can accept myself just how I am.” Or whatever I might want to say (and I do say those things). For me it’s the tapping that seems really hokey. I don’t necessarily buy the “energy shifts in the body.” But anyway, thank you for sharing about it. If you wanted to, you could write up a thorough blog post about EFT and how and why it can be helpful for those dealing with crossdressing. After I take a look at it, if it looks okay, I’d post it in my “guest posts” section of my blog. Let me know.

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  8. Roger says:

    You’re welcome. No worries, I wasn’t taking it as an argument. I just wanted to provide an explanation.

    Just to put a bow on this, when you tap on acupressure points, you are moving energy in the meridians, which can remove any blocks that exist.

    “By tapping on the beginning or end points of the body meridian lines while focusing on a disturbing incident or feeling, energy flow is balanced and harmonized. ”

    http://www.holistic-mindbody-healing.com/meridian-tapping.html

    Thanks for the guest post offer. I think I have said all that I needed to say on the subject of EFT. There are many books on the subject if people want to learn more. I thank you for allowing me to comment.

    I just want people to know that they have options as far as therapy is concerned. Not everyone may have the opportunity to pursue traditional therapy. Energy intervention can be used as a tool to heal and better cope with emotions that we all have to deal with.

    To your point, there is more than one way to heal. Believing that you will be healed is what matters most. Life has its own way of being therapeutic sometimes by putting us into certain situations where we can heal.

    If you seek healing, you will find it.

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  9. Michael26 says:

    Hello Thorin, it’s Michael… long-time no-talk, I know. But I’m alive, which is a miracle in itself actually! Which hopefully I’ll get around to explaining that later.

    Anywho. I was compelled to comment. I’m not sure that my words will really tie into the subject. But I’ve personally observed of late – through the help of my Christian therapist, a good, close friend, and ultimately God – that I have A LOT of anger built up inside of me. Which a few months ago would have been a shock to myself and others. I’m usually a fairly “tame” individual when it comes to anger. Though, anger has indeed been something that I’ve been trying to suppress for SO long now. I can even remember some of the thought patterns from early childhood of how I tried to convince myself that anger – in all ways( even accepting & acknowledging it ) – was WAY, WAY out of bounds!

    How does this relate to the subject? When I started to go a little deeper into the anger – which is something I’m actually really fighting hard ( I really am bent against letting it “come out” or “into the light” ) – I saw that I’ve been using crossdressing (transgender thoughts, feelings & behaviours) & other non-productive things of the sort to act as a way of soothing and suppressing the anger – “keeping it at bay”, keeping it under control.

    I believe the reasons for buying into the lie about anger is because at an early age I identified anger with masculinity, that they literally went hand-in-hand. Anger meant confrontation and destruction ONLY to me. . . which both alone I cannot bear, especially confrontation. I still do struggle daily with being assertive – particularly with bullies.

    Thanks Thorin. Michael

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  10. thorin25 says:

    Hey Michael, great to hear from you again! Send an email update when you have time. I’m not sure this friend’s post fits exactly what you are talking about, but it is about anger, check it out – https://cdreflections.wordpress.com/2013/07/10/guys-issues-on-being-a-jerk/

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  11. Michael26 says:

    Yes, I hope to send an email soon. A lot’s happened since I wrote last… that’s putting it mildly! ___ Thank you for the address to check out! That was sweet of you. : )

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  12. Roger says:

    Michael-

    My theory is that we use crossdressing to make us feel better because of the suppressed emotions we have, whether they be anxiety, anger, resentment, guilt, jealousy, etc.

    Once we release these emotions and heal from them, then we will have more love and acceptance for ourselves, which will at least reduce the need or attachment to crossdressing.

    The more healing you find, the the more whole you will become, and the less tug you will feel to cope by crossdressing.

    I found that I needed to build a foundation emotionally that would allow me to cope better with the stresses and challenges that life presents.

    I turned to crossdressing many times when I felt overwhelmed with stress, worry, fear, or depression.

    Now that I have built a foundation, I don’t get down on myself like I used to. I don’t feel bad about myself, which has lessened the desire significantly to engage in fantasies.

    Just something to think about.

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  13. thorin25 says:

    Good words, I think that fits most of us and much of our motivations for crossdressing

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  14. It might be termed as a sociable experience enclosure, the way it holds multiple people.

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