Myths about Addiction

One of my blogging friends shared this link on his site recently, and I think it is worth sharing here too.  “Myths about Addiction: They could stop if they wanted to.

We must admit it, for many of us crossdressing was or is an addiction.  Instead of reaching a “high” from a drug addiction, we have a sexual addiction, and sexual addictions are arguably not much easier to deal with than drug addictions.   To face our addiction and deal with it, we have to be realistic and handle it appropriately.  Looking at these myths is helpful.

The first myth states that it’s nearly impossible for addicts to quit solely through willpower.  This is why when giving up crossdressing I advocate adding in some or all of the following – counseling, pastoral guidance, prayer, accountability partners, sexual addiction support group, getting rid of the clothing, computer software to monitor activity, confessing to others in your life to defuse the power of the secret, and possibly even medication as I’ve heard from some people who it has helped.

I didn’t think the second myth would need commenting on, but recently I’ve seen some sites who are practically demonizing crossdressers as the dregs of society who naturally have tons of other mental disorders and are prone to criminal behavior.  I personally think the article’s 2nd myth also holds true for crossdressers.  Many of us are very well-functioning members of society not at all prone to criminal behavior.  I do indeed think that crossdressing is sinful and harmful, but exaggerating how bad it is, or stereotyping all crossdressers based on a few examples, is not helpful to anyone.

The 4th myth about addiction being a disease and so there is nothing we can do, is a good one to comment on.  The article states – “Just because you have the disease of addiction doesn’t mean you throw in the towel. Research shows that the brain damage resulting from substance use can sometimes be reversed through abstinence, therapy, and other forms of treatment.”  If brain patterns can change after substance abuse, than surely it can change to new patterns after years of crossdressing.

The 5th myth about relapsing is very important.  I didn’t get to where I am today overnight!  I failed hundreds of times, and confessed to accountability partners hundreds of times.  I probably didn’t take my addiction seriously enough at times, and didn’t take big steps to deal with it until a couple of years ago.  But still the point stands.  Just because we fail, doesn’t mean we should give up fighting the addiction or give up hope.  Just because we fail 100 times it doesn’t mean we should give up.  If we keep fighting and striving, there is hope to beat the addiction.  Don’t expect to give up crossdressing one day and never fail again.  That would be great if it happened, but that’s not the pattern for most of us.  And it also frustrates me when someone tries to give up crossdressing, has a failure, and then thinks there is no point in ever trying to give up the addiction again.  That is not the right way to look at addiction.

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14 comments on “Myths about Addiction

  1. Don says:

    I agree with you that sexual addictions are much more difficult to overcome than substance addiction. I have been in SA groups and most people said that first they were able to quit smoking, then they were able to quit alcohol, then they were able to overcome drugs, and that those were a piece of cake compared the sexual addiction. The SA takes years not months.

    My theory is that all that other stuff is not naturally needed by your body, but food and sex are the most difficult ones to give up because we have natural appetites for them. Your body can get used to doing without a substance over time and it’s get easier with time to abstain.

    My experience with crossdressing however is that the longer I stay away, the more I miss it. After a few years, the days get more difficult. My female self was so good to me and I miss her like a loved one. What I realize is that the body wants to get back to that high and that’s all it is, but you don’t grow out of the desire like addictive substances.

    I am one of the people that is able to take the desire away by taking a drug, namely Spironolactone which inhibits the action of testosterone without reducing it in your body. It’s been about 1 1/2 years now and I am hoping that when I get farther away in time that the desire won’t come back. All I can say is that in the past at 1 1/2 years of not crossdressing, I was struggling a lot and I am not now.

    As far as relapsing is concerned, I have to be vigilent and not do any of the following. Reading anything that promotes it, looking at clothes at the store or online, trying to see if I still like it or admiring women for how they are dressed and wanting to have it for myself. Everytime I had some decent sobriety with CD any of those would get the ball rolling and I could not stop it until I was literally from my head to toes immersed in the addiction, going full time living as a women until the consequences were too serious.

    Don

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  2. thorin25 says:

    Don that is really interesting about the medication. I think I have talked to you about that before. But please let us know. Did a psychologist prescribe that for you? Or did you test it out on your own? Did someone else recommend that you try it? Why would reducing the effects of testerone help you? Is it just lowering your libido and doing nothing else?

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  3. Roger says:

    I’m not here to tell anyone whether or not they should take medication, that is strictly their choice.

    However, medication just masks the problem. That’s all any medication ever does. It will never provide permanent results, which is why it must be continually taken.

    Taking medication just further suppresses the core issue. Don, I’m sorry to tell you that the desire is not going away until you deal with your problems head on. If you want to take medication, so be it, but the desire to crossdress will continue to be there.

    It’s like taking an aspirin to treat a stress headache. The aspirin suppresses the pain, but it doesn’t relieve the stress, which is the root problem. If you relieve the stress, the headache goes away.

    Thorin, you don’t take medication for crossdressing, correct? So you know darn well that it’s not necessary.

    I have never seen any addiction program recommend medication of any kind. I’ve read all kinds of material on sex addiction, and never once did it say to take meds.

    If one takes meds temporarily while using some form of therapy to heal, that makes a lot more sense to me. But to take them on a long-term basis is just unreasonable, expensive, and unhealthy for the body.

    Think about it, does taking meds really make sense? Does it make sense to suppress what your feeling? Doesn’t it make more sense to deal with our problems head on? To heal ourselves naturally? To get to the root of the problem?

    If you have a leaky roof, do you just put a bucket underneath it, or actually go out and fix the roof?

    You can run away from your issues forever, but they’re not going away until you face them. It’s definitely not easy. I’ve had some really tough days as I have been healing, but the rewards are incredible in the end.

    Crossdressing is really just a manifestation of bigger problems that we have. When we solve those bigger problems, crossdressing becomes far less of an issue. I know this for a fact because I have experienced it firsthand.

    And Thorin, it seems to me that you have been putting the work in to overcome this, which is why you are doing much better now. You never seemed to look for a quick fix approach, and that’s what medication is.

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  4. Roger says:

    Just to make one other point since most people here seem to be Christians.

    Did Jesus hand out medication to help people, or did he heal what was on the inside?

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  5. thorin25 says:

    Those are good thoughts Roger, but I’m definitely not against using medication on the side to help fight the addiction, if the medication proved to be helpful. No I haven’t taken any myself to give up crossdressing, and I wouldn’t now even if I knew it would help. I’m doing just fine. And like you said, I’m working on the root of the problems, not the symptoms. That is very important, as you have noted.

    I think Don is trying to work on underlying root causes though, that is why he has been to SA groups, or one reason I’m sure.

    Would Jesus approve of medication? I think so, but definitely wouldn’t be all he would do. He was always forgiving sins and healing people physically. Which tells me that medication makes sense, a way of using what God has put in this world to help take care of our bodies, but also that we need to let God heal our souls, which means accepting his grace and mercy, and looking to him for our spiritual and emotional needs.

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  6. Robyn P. says:

    Recovering from addictions can be very difficult! I have (and have had) major problems with food addiction. I love to eat! The biggest problem with food addiction is that one cannot not eat. Everyone has to eat food. It is a real challenge for me to be around food and to go grocery shopping is like asking an alcoholic to go into a liquor store. Sometimes it is difficult to watch television because of all the food advertising and there is a LOT of it. I spend time focusing on what I eat because I may lose control at my next meal…

    Roger, there are addiction programs that may use medications to knock out or break the physical root cause so that time and energy can be focused on the mental side. For example, I have used appetite suppressants with some limited success to help me lose weight.

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  7. Roger says:

    Thorin, if you yourself didn’t need medication, then why would anyone else who has an “addiction” to crossdressing?

    I understand what you’re saying about using medication while also addressing the root cause. But a part of overcoming the addiction is dealing with the urges, working through them, etc. Wouldn’t you say?

    Thorin, you faced the desires and fought through them. You faced your problems head on. You searched for answers. You went to work. You weren’t interested in taking any short cuts. At least that’s the impression I have gotten. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    So why shouldn’t Don or anyone else take this same approach?

    “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

    The problem with medication is simple: it doesn’t heal. The title of this site is “Healing from Crossdressing” but medication is nothing but a crutch. It masks the real problem.

    We all know how difficult this is to deal with. Overcoming this is NOT easy. It can be downright painful. But cutting corners is not the answer either. And I know you understand this Thorin.

    And there will be “relapses” along the way. It won’t happen overnight. But that is what we have to endure to overcome.

    I am all for using as many resources as possible, but I fail to see why medication is needed for a crossdressing/sexual addiction.

    Yes, I can understand why Don is using it because it suppresses the desire. It’s the easy thing to do. But how is suppressing the desire healthy? How helpful is medication when it produces side effects on the body? At best, you’re robbing Peter to pay Paul.

    I asked how Jesus healed others – he used the energy from his hands to heal. And my guess is that he also used energy from God to do his work. There are people today who do this, so there’s nothing magical about it.

    My ultimate point here is that medication will never heal or help heal an addiction. An addiction is just a sign that something is out of wack. It’s a sign that we need to change. Suppressing it will not result in freedom long-term, which is the goal, is it not?

    Again, I have read much material on SEX addiction, never once did I see medication recommended. That’s because it’s not needed.

    We have misused so many of the resources on this planet. I’m certain that God did not intend for us to make cars that pollute the planet. I’m also certain that God did not intend for us to make weapons so we could kill. But we have the free will to use the resources on this planet as we choose, no matter how messed up it is.

    If we used the natural resources on this planet the way they were meant to be used, we wouldn’t have many of the problems we have today. But that is a discussion for another day.

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  8. Roger says:

    Robyn,

    I empathize with 100%. I know how hard it is, because I have endured something similar with crossdressing.

    But your food addiction happens for the same reason as all others: because it’s a way to cope, a way to make us feel better from all the emotional pain that we have suppressed over the years.

    Yes, I empathize with you about going to the grocery stores, seeing the ads on TV. Yes, there are many ads that are even tempting for the average person to give into.

    But I see women’s clothing all the time too. I am bombarded with advertising on TV, magazines, internet, etc.

    I can’t tell you how many times a day I see a woman in a dress. I have easy access to feminization websites that I visit in a matter of seconds. Now, I feel almost nothing when I see women’s clothing.

    Once you find the right healing, then you will be able to watch an ad on TV and not even think twice about indulging.

    I understand the logic behind using medication for addiction. I suppose if it’s only used temporarily, that’s one thing. But it’s simply not necessary to use at all.

    Do a google search for “EFT and food addiction”. EFT is a much healthier and effective short term tool than medication.

    Here are some content that might interest you:

    http://www.eftuniverse.com/weight-control/dr-carol-looks-compulsive-overeating-and-weight-loss-protocol
    http://www.eftfree.net/2011/02/26/healing-food-addiction/
    http://www.eftradioonline.com/eft-for-food-addiction/

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  9. thorin25 says:

    Roger, I was only asking questions about the medication, not advocating it. I simply would want to know more. But if I was to hear thorough information about it, and did not see any problems with it, it seems like it could be helpful to stop the bleeding so to speak. It’s very hard to work on healing the root issues if you are constantly failing. I was able to refrain from giving in, but it may be more difficult for others than it was for me, I don’t know. The more you give in, the more addicted you become. Taking something to for example lower your libido, might really help you to be able to have a few days to get out of the pink fog, out of the addiction, and really stop and think about your life, that crossdressing is harmful, and what you can do to get help, it can clear your head and help you to think straight. I can see that being a potential temporary help in this struggle, though I agree with you that it is not necessary (but nor do I see it as necessarily harmful, though as you pointed out, it “could” be harmful depending on how used).

    Maybe a good analogy is a nicotine patch. I’ve never really smoked, but from what I understand is that a lot of people have been able to quit using such things. It’s a temporary help, but not something they use forever.

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  10. Don says:

    First, I am going to paste a letter I wrote almost a year ago which gives a good backgroung on how I came about taking a drug to stop crossdressing, Here it is:

    • November 13, 2012 at 4:32 am
    I had been crossdressing for all of my life up until the age of 66 and I finally have found a solution for me. In the past five years it had gotten so bad that 3 times I left my wife to start living as a woman only to find myself miserable after a while, and that was even as I had no trouble passing and living that way 24/7 out in public.

    Each time the pressure to crossdress got too difficult to resist, when I went on my own I started taking hormones and an anti-androgen to make my body more passable. After I got lonely and did not want to lose my wife I felt like I would be able to stop. Each time I stopped taking the medication and after a few months the desire would come back.only to repeat the cycle in about one year later.

    The last time this happened was in February of 2012. This time I made sure I would not get lonely and moved in with two other T girls my age, but after only 5 weeks of doing everything I ever wanted to do as a girl, I got so depressed that I needed depression medication in order to function normally through the day.

    Although when I was living as a woman there was not a sexual feeling that I needed to relieve, there was a sexual feeling that gave me great pleasure and peace and was thrilled to see Donna in the mirror, but each time, after so many weeks on the hormones and anti-androgen, I lost that thrill and enjoyment to the point that I did not want to crossdress anymore.

    So that last time that I crashed, I decided to stop the hormones so my body would not change, but I kept on taking the anti-androgen. The result is that I have lost 95% of the desire to crossdress. I still see things that I always liked but now without that strong sexual feeling to go along with the “liking” feeling of the thing that I am seeing,

    I am able to think about my experience of going into depression and the consequences of losing my maraige and a wonderful woman and friend.

    The anti-androgen I was using was Spironolatone. With Estroldiol patches it works very well to bring your T levels down very low, almost non-existant., but alone without hormones it does not do that.. My T level is about the same or actually a little higher than it was before without any drugs.

    It seems to lower your sex drive while your testoserone levels are normal and so you don’t lose masculine appearance. I am still able to function as a man with my wife, although at a much lower frequency.

    My constant daily torture of not having what I want, to be a girl, is gone. I can’t begin to tell you how much better life is and how happy I have been. Before I used to avoid making friends because I was afraid that they would leave me when they found out that I was transgender. Now my life is filled with so many people that like me, because now I am seen as a happy person and I am not hiding from anyone.

    I always thought that I was truly transsexual. There are many people that transition and go on to be very happy and don’t lose their sex drive (autogynephils) or don’t care about losing their sex drives. I guess I was a transvestite. I’m not a doctor but I am wondering if this would work for crossdressers.

    I will say that I am taking the medication through my doctor and he is monitoring my blood levels for any abnormalities from the Spiro. It is actually used as a diuretic and the lowering of sexual desire is a side effect, and it has been a life saver for me
    .
    You may say that there has not been enough time for me to know that I am cured of crossdressing, but all I can say is that I have quit crossdressing many many times in my life. Each time the desire came back in a few months but I was able to resist for some longer periods, 3 times at 3 years each time.

    This time the desire has not come back. It is so different from previous experiences and I know that the medication is working, I feel it everyday that the pull is gone. I had a sexual desire for that stuff that I could not control through will power. Now there is no force pulling me in the wrong direction and I am enjoying being a man.

    Now back to current time,,,,I realize that everyone is different and we all have different strengths of desire and capacity to use will power, For me, after a 14 year mairage ended in divorce and the effects that had on two children and my 1st wife, and then a 30 year mariage that is finally bearing fruit, this works for me,

    I have fixed the underlying problem which for me was that at an early age my erotic attraction became the image of myself as a woman, While living my life this whole time I thought that wanting to be a woman was a feeling and a preference but what I found was a subtle link between my thoughts and my genitals, I used to call it “feeling feminine”.

    I was working with two very good Christian Couselors with addiction experience in secular jobs and well as church jobs. I had to show both of them scientific studies about the efectiveness of taking anti-adrogens for people with paraphelias, of which CDing is in that category. They were the only ones my wife would believe and they went to bat for me in convicing her to approve my taking drugs,

    Any internet search for “treatment of paraphilia’s” will show the effectivness of anti-androgens,

    There are plenty of examples of medications that cure and not mask problems, Antidepressants work very well, Chemotharipy for cancer, meds for high blood presure or statins for high colesterol. They all don’t work the same on all people, that’s why there are so many different kinds, and all of them are provided by God for our use along with everything else he gives us.

    Some may say that this is taking a short cut, but I think its easy to overcomplicate the problem by talking about childhood traumas and various family situations, I think that basically we all got this groove in our brain that is imprinted and it not going to go away unless something esle better comes along. Since CDing is a much higher high that sex with a woman, what can it be replaced with? Taking medication to bring the intensity of the high down is a direct approach,

    The amount you need will vary by person but you can adust it for the results you want, enough to stop haveing thoughts of crossdressing when triggered, but not so much that you can’t love your wife, Actually if you were too quick with her in the past, she will enjoy you so much more because you can love her for a loooooong time,

    Learning to resist is indirect way that may or may not work, There is tons of literature on effort to change peoplethat don’t work,

    I think this works well for paraphelias, and not for typicall sex addiction/porn/affairs that men have, Non of them would ever think about giving up their sex drive which is their source of pleasure in life.

    For us it’s a little easier to not be a typical horny aggressive man, The drug actually sofens your personality, nothing bothers you and you are able to meet the needs of your wife better,

    It also gives you more time to respond to temptations because the urgency is less, It gives me time to think about the consecuences before I act on the temptation.

    Because you are not white knuckleing though a temptation you don’t need to relieve stress by axting out,

    I’m not sure that taking something temporarily would work either, As I have said before when I was taking Spiro and Estrogen for transitioning and the drugs made me lose the desire, as soon as I stopped taking them, the desire came back and I was in a viciouse circle,

    The only thing going for me is that at some point due to age my T level will go down, I get it checked every 6 months along with potasium and its 400, right in the middle of normal,

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  11. thorin25 says:

    Hi Don, thank you so much for sharing your story and this information with us! I really appreciate it. Very interesting.

    Have you considered trying 1 more time to ease down on the meds, and see what happens? Seems like you could just quickly start taking them again if things started to go back to how they were before.

    I’m really glad that this has worked out for you. I don’t feel near as strongly against the meds as Roger, but I’m not 100% sold on it either. But I think it is information worth making available to other struggling crossdressers. Would you consider making a guest post for my blog about this? You could include much of what you wrote above.

    Or if you have specific links that advocate for using this drug for paraphilias, those would be helpful too. Or if you did write a guest post, you could include the links within it too.

    Anyway, keep sharing your resources with us, and keep in touch. Thanks!

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  12. Don says:

    I have given thought to trying to stop taking the drug but I am afraid to try it. I have gone through years of counseling, years of different sex addiction groups, Christian and secular, and even a private $3600 intensive 3 day 8 hrs a day weekend where I was promised results. I have had 3 different separations from my dear sweet wife of 30 years so I think you can say that I have tried almost everything, maybe much more than your typical reader on this site.

    People here that say that that drugs are not right probably have not made the efforts that I have made trying to stop. They may not have the same disposition or strength of will power or lack of ability to resist that I have.

    One thing about the drug, it takes about 2 months before you can notice a difference, so if I stopped taking them , and then acted out, it would be too late for me. I don’t think that my wife could take it another time. She has been more than understanding for what I have put her through.

    When we got back together again she told me that unlike the other times when she would wait for me to go back to counseling and get better. Better meant that I was so shocked by the separation that each time I thought for sure that I would never act out again. Each separation was so difficult on both of us that now, the next time I act out, she will head straight for the lawyers office.

    The last time her best friends (and mine) were calling her stupid for getting back together with me for a third time so now I am out of strikes.

    Maybe I need at least another year or two before I would even think about stopping the drugs. It’s been about a year and 9 months that I have been on them,

    Also, it is very possible that some guys just don’t want to give up any part of their sexual ability. Guys…..that’s the problem…..you have way too much sexual ability. That’s why you can’t control your sexual desires. It’s that simple. Forget about all the other stuff of finding a way to stop with talking and writing about it. It’s not just in your mind. God made sex a very strong impulse, It’s in your BODY. If you hurt yourself, all the thinking in the world is not going to stop you from looking for a way to stop the pain. Your body is going to speak to you.

    it’s just too strong for us, and when we know a way to enjoy sex without having to find a woman to cooperate, then WE CAN’T WAIT. So the drug is like a pain pill. It takes the feeling away.

    God tells us not to sin sexually. He does not care how we do it. I know the part about renewing your mind, but if it’s a physical problem, then that won’t work. Everyone will have to decide for himself whether it is a physical problem or a mental problem. For me I knew it was the former.

    Long before I was taking hormones for transition I had always thought that my sexual desire was too strong, but I had no idea how to do something about it. I thought about going to a doctor and asking about it but I did not have the nerve to do it. I mean you have to tell them the truth about yourself and that would be hard. If the doc was a conservative you don’t know what he would say.

    I did go to a psychiatrist who could prescribe drugs but he said that he could not write me an Rx because they can only prescribe mental health drugs. He also doubted it would work, out of ignorance of research that I found. I also bought all the things that were said on pro transgender web sites that if you want to be a woman you are born that way, and I gave up on my theory.

    I was taking transition drugs under the care of a female gynecologist who was a friend of my transgender specialist counselor. The doctor was lesbian so she was very understanding. I would go to her office as Donna and sit there in the waiting room with the other women. Even a nurse asked a question she would only ask a real woman. The doctor and psychologist were 120 miles away, I live in a small community and had to go close to Miami to find them.

    I decided to tell my local doctor everything so he could do the blood monitoring. It turned out that he said that he would do whatever I wanted, I could come as Donna if I wanted to. When I realized that I lost the desire due to the drugs, I decided to continue the Spiro without the estrogen and see what happens. He was just as willing to help me out with that also.

    I’m saying this just to let you know that it might not that difficult to get the drugs. As I have written before, I avoided the usual anti-androgen’s because I wanted to keep my T levels unchanged. They give anti-androgen’s to child molesters to stop if they want to get out of jail. The great thing about Spironolactone is that it interferes with how your T works on your brain but not the rest of your body, unless you combine it with estrogen and then your T levels plummet. I know this because I had my hormone levels checked many times with and without estrogen.

    Thorin, a comment and a questions for you. I think that you have said in the past that you still need to masturbate once in a while with CD thoughts. As long as you do that, you will never come close to overcoming this. If you are like me, I had to use those thoughts when I was having sex with my wife in order to finish, I could not finish at all without them. All that keeps on reinforcing the addiction forever. If I am wrong please forgive me, but I am sure there are other guys out there that this applies to.

    Now I don’t need to do that. If I am making love, I either finish because of her, or I can very easily let it go without frustration.

    The question is, what is a guest post for your blog?

    Thank you for giving me the opportunity to try to help others.

    Don

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  13. thorin25 says:

    Hi Don, thank you so much for the comment again. Firstly, I am not judging you at all for using the meds. And you have put far more work in than I it looks like in dealing with your crossdressing addiction, so I am not going to say you haven’t done enough thought exploration and counseling.

    Secondly, although the drugs have worked great for you and it seemed there was no other option, I’d still venture to say to the other guys reading that I think most of them could give this addition up without the drugs. I would only recommend it as a last resort, for example in cases like yours. You put in the hard work of other methods first, and others should do that too, because like Roger said, the healing of the heart and mind is needed (even as it was hopefully helpful in your case in addition to the meds).

    You are right in that masturbation with CD thoughts is very damaging, and reinforces the behavior (and to me it is sinful just like actually crossdressing). However, you are not right about what I did. I have of course masturbated while thinking of CD thoughts, but I’ve never purposely done that as a method. In the last couple years, there have been times I have masturbated in addition to having sex with my wife, but I’ve purposely thought about my wife during those times and not CD and it’s worked just fine. I also never think about CD when having sex with my wife, well I can’t say that I never have before, but past couple years I have never “needed” to, if you see what I mean. For a while I was masturbating about once every other week in addition to sex once every week/every other week or so with my wife. And that helped me to avoid temptation. In the past 6 months, that extra masturbation has dropped to about zero (aside from a couple flukes which included CD thoughts unfortunately). But mainly it seems I have got my body finally used to just having pleasure from my wife on the frequency we are pretty used to.

    A guest post is when I publish a blog post, but written by a guest author, such as yourself. A way for others to write blog posts, here on my blog for people to read, without having a blog of their own. So far I’ve only got a couple guest posts – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/guest-posts-2/
    If you write one, send it to me in an email. I’ll email you right now so you have my email. It would be published as a post and then also go on the guest posts page. If you write one, try to keep it concise, clear, diplomatic, and thought provoking.

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  14. Don says:

    Hi Thorin,

    Thanks for correcting me on what you have been doing.

    It sounds like you are on the right track and making progress.

    Before I was taking the drugs, I COULD NOT really have a climax without thinking of myself as a dressed woman. That was really hampering any kind of recovery I could have.

    Even when I was theoretically sober for 3 years at a time, I really was not. My wife would want sex and I needed to give her what she wanted, but every time all I did was reinforce the crossdressing fantasy and it kept me dependent on all the brain chemicals that one gets.

    When you said that you masturbated in addition to making love to your wife, I can relate to that. Frequent sex did help me stay away from actually acting out too…..for a while, but it was like trying to hold your finger in a leak in a dam. Eventually, just one time you think, you finally can not hold the dam any longer.

    For me, sex with my wife was OK, but I did feel very guilty about it. I got much more pleasure by crossdressing, and sometimes I would act out and then not have the sexual energy for her when she was ready. It’s a terrible way to live and that’s why it is so bad for you.

    I would never try to masturbate when I was crossdressing, rather the intense feeling of pleasure, that I thought was a good feeling because I was really meant to be a woman, fully transgender, is what I did. I did not think is was sex addiction until I was taking the trangender transition drugs that I finally realized that it was just SEX. I found that CDing for long periods of time was the same as having sex, but I was having sex not just for 15 or 30 minutes, but for hours and days at a time, one continuous high.

    I would purposely not masturbate so I could crossdress and spread out the sexual energy for the long times of enjoyment.

    What I have learned though is that sex was never meant to be done alone, that I was meant to be with a woman for the purpose of being one flesh, and that is all it is for. We are not supposed to enjoy sex with ourselves because God knew it would not be good for us because then we would not need what he has given us, which is our wives, who we are responsible for loving.

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