I want to counteract what I see as false advertising on the internet, even if that false advertising is unintentional. Crossdressers on internet forums and blogs make out that giving up crossdressing is a sure-fire way to be miserable and stressed out, a sure-fire way to have a horrible life. They make it out to be that if you give up crossdressing you are only harming yourself because you can’t accept that you are really a crossdresser and will always be one. Now I understand that they truly believe this and so their motivation is actually that they are trying to be loving. They want to save other crossdressers from despair and from wasting money on purges, and from feeling miserable trying to suppress their desires.
But I want to say that this doesn’t have to be the case, and it was not for me! And I’m sure that there are thousands of others who have given up crossdressing and are completely happy about it. They just don’t have the time to make a blog about it, or don’t have the care or interest to go on crossdressing forums and tell people about it. I would guess that most crossdressers only hear from and talk to other active crossdressers, thus they continue to think that it’s nearly impossible to give up crossdressing, and thus they continue to think that if you do give up crossdressing you will only be miserable, as they talk to other crossdressers who quit temporarily and reported feeling miserable.
Nothing could be further from the truth for me and most of the past crossdressers who are a part of my blog’s community. I have now given up crossdressing for over 2 years. In that 2 years I have not even put on a female shoe, or even pretended that my bath towel was a skirt. No crossdressing at all. And these 2 years have been the best years of my life! And a very large part of that has been that crossdressing is out of my life. Not crossdressing does not make me feel like I am suppressing anything. Not crossdressing does not make me feel unhappy. Not crossdressing does not make me feel depressed. Not crossdressing does not make me feel like I’m not being myself. I feel more myself than I ever have before! I feel so much less stressed and so much more joyful than during the years when I was crossdressing.
To be honest, there have been rare occasions in the past 2 years where I’ve looked at crossdressing websites online in moments of laziness or weakness. But those occasions have always given me only a few moments of endorphins followed by stress, frustration, guilt, feelings of dirtiness, etc. They’ve never been good, never been healthy. They only confirmed what I’m trying to say in this post! Those few times I gave in and looked at crossdressing pictures or stories have been the worst times emotionally and spiritually of the past 2 years. Rather than making me feel like I’ve suppressed something, they have only confirmed to me how worthless crossdressing is, and how much my life is better off without it, and better off without giving in to the fantasies either, and how much more myself I am when not giving in.
And I’ve changed and grown in the past 2 years. It is an extremely rare occasion that I will see an article of my wife’s clothing, or clothing on another woman, and actually have a thought about crossdressing at all. And that is surprising considering how much time I put into this blogging experience. But I just look at them as my wife’s clothes, not as objects of power that I long to wear. I also feel more content in being a man. There are of course times that I think women have things better and I might envy aspects of their lives. But overall I feel much more secure in my manhood. I feel like a man and enjoy being a man and am noticing ways that I am like other men that I did not realize or appreciate before. My marriage has improved and I am more attracted to my wife while at the same time putting less pressure on her to do things like painting her nails or buying more lingerie, or wearing make up, etc.
I know that if I read crossdressing stories, or crossdress in real life, that my body would still find it pleasurable. I don’t know if that will ever change. But it doesn’t matter. I think of alcoholics who stop desiring alcohol, but know that if they start drinking, they will enjoy it and want to keep drinking. The same is true for me. My body will still respond to the stimuli it has become attached to in regards to crossdressing. The addiction has fused those brain synapses, probably for life. But the desire for crossdressing has basically gone away, so the only danger I ever have of giving in is when I desire pleasure in its raw basic sense, and I turn to crossdressing because I know my body will still respond to that stimuli to give me that pleasure. But like the alcoholic feels deep regret, frustration, and harm from giving in again, I also know I would feel that way too.
If I was not blogging about this in an attempt to provide a place for guys to get help from this addiction, I probably wouldn’t think about crossdressing any more at all (except after random dreams about it). And that sounds like a wonderful beautiful thing. I’m honestly very tired of thinking about it. The longer I go without crossdressing the more ugly it seems to me. But I think God has called me to keep working on this blog in order to help others. So I will continue. And I must say I immensely enjoy the wonderful relationships with other brothers in Christ that God has brought to me. They have encouraged me so incredibly much.
Unfortunately I feel like this blog is the last tether in my life holding me to any thoughts about crossdressing at all, the last tether in my life that ever produces crossdressing temptations. But I can deal with it, with God’s help. Although I don’t experience as full freedom as I might while still doing this blog, the feelings of freedom I have are still 20 times greater than the years past when I was still giving in to crossdressing. My life is so much more full of joy, smiles come easier, I have less stress, and I’m enjoying life so much more.
I of course cannot guarantee that if you give up crossdressing, that you will have my experience. But I will say that it is possible to give up crossdressing, and it is possible to give it up and be happy. There are many many stories of doing so on my site or linked from my site. You don’t have to have despair. There can be hope and freedom for you.
I know many of you are afraid to post on a blog like this, or don’t have an account to use to post a comment, but if a few of you who have found freedom from crossdressing would be willing to post a comment, that would be great. I’d like others to see that there are more people besides me who have found greater happiness in giving up crossdressing.