Apocalyptic Crossdressing

Over the last few weeks, like normal, I have had just about zero crossdressing thoughts or temptations, besides of course when I log into my blog I obviously think about crossdressing.  But one strange occurrence happened that I’d like to write about.  I really like apocalyptic movies of any sort, movies in which a person is surviving alone in a broken world, or a small group of people surviving together.  Maybe because I’ve been watching movies like this lately, suddenly a strange thought occurred in my mind last week.  I suddenly thought about being alone in a world like this, and I asked myself whether I would crossdress in such a world?

Imagine this yourself if you can do so safely.  But be careful, I don’t want to cause lustful fantasies for you to struggle with.  Pray for God’s help first that you remain vigilant and don’t wander into lustful fantasy and masturbation.   I imagined that everyone died of a zombie apocalypse or disease outbreak or climate change, or what have you.  And if I was the only person left living in a city, would I go to the stores and find women’s clothing and put it on?   From this thought experiment I learned a few things about myself.

1.  There is still some latent crossdressing desire deep down inside me.  I could see myself giving in to temptation in a world like that.  It would be tough to resist, at least it would be hard not to fail at least once by going and getting fully dressed up as a woman wearing anything the heck I wanted from the mall with out anyone seeing me.  Hopefully I’m never in such a situation (for obvious reasons), but I would hate to face such a hard temptation.  I don’t know whether I would beat such a temptation or not.  I hope I would, but as I thought about it, I could see a big possibility of failure.

2.  I think this shows the importance of fellow Christians, the Church, and community.  Why might I fail in such a situation but am not even anywhere close to failing in the situation I am in today?  I think it is the strength of Christian community that God has given me, and us.  We don’t fail because others around us will see.  We don’t fail because of the expectations of others.  We don’t fail because others are holding us accountable.  We don’t fail because others are encouraging us, filling us up with their love, and supporting us.  Critics might say, “ah ha!  You are just not giving in because of what other people think.”  That might be partially right, and in one way I agree that it’s a sad truth.  We should want to live for God and as he wants, regardless of whether other people are around or not.  But that’s not the whole story.  Not failing because of other people around us is also a good thing.  Living in community helps us to better ourselves, and be more who we are supposed to be.  Living in community fulfills us.  Living in community helps us to live for God as he intended.  After all, God created humans in community.  It was not good that Adam was alone.  It was not meant to be just us and God alone.  It was always meant to be all of us together with God.  We need community.  We need it now, and we will have it forever in the New Creation, in everlasting life with God and each other in the New World.  So does living in community with others keep me from falling in to crossdressing?  Yes, to a pretty great extent.  But this is exactly how it should be and how God intended it.

Imagine a drug addict in a similar apocalyptic situation, if they had no community and they knew where limitless drugs were.  It would be a tough situation for them as well.  But thankfully, neither we, nor they, are in such a situation.  We have community, help, and accountability, and that is what God wants us to have.

3. I learned that the frustrating nature of crossdressing as addiction would still apply even in that apocalyptic situation.  Just imagining giving in to the crossdressing temptations in a world like that, I was frustrated by the addiction of it even in my fantasy.  It’s an addiction that cannot be quenched.  You give in, and you just want to give in more.  You give in with clothes, and then you want to find fake breasts.  You find fake breasts and then you want hormones or surgery.  You look at yourself in the mirror and ogle yourself, and you can’t pull yourself away from it.  You marvel at your own beauty but then you crave the feeling of others affirming your beauty.  It’s an addiction!  Even in the apocalypse I would detest this addiction.  I would either have to stop giving in completely or I would DIE because I would spend all my time distracted by the addiction instead of finding food and water and other necessities of survival.  I know that even if I did give in once to temptation in such a world, that it would probably be a brief episode which I would then quit once again.  I would re-realize the foolishness of the addiction and hate it once again.  It sucks your life away.  It is a farce.  It is a thirst which cannot be quenched by giving in.  It is a thirst that can only be dealt with by NOT drinking of it.  We instead need to live as the men we are, resist giving in, be filled up by God’s love, and live the life of purpose that he has for each of us.

It’s interesting to me that when this thought first occurred to me, it was a fantasy that I knew I had to resist dwelling on for too long, because it could become a lustful fantasy for me.  But as I thought about it I realized that I couldn’t even truly enjoy the fantasy.  The addictive frustrating component of it, the foolishness of it, was too much for me.



10 comments on “Apocalyptic Crossdressing

  1. Vivienne says:

    Hi Thorin. Happy New Year to you.

    This is a scenario I envisaged too, when considering myself separated from other humans for long periods: a solo scientist on a remote asteroid, a solo pilot on a long deep space mission, that sort of thing. I considered I would spend my days dressed.

    This may be partly reasonable, since prolonged isolation tends to drive anyone a little loopy. In addition, I think to myself: if there is nobody else around, where’s the harm?

    I am sure you are correct, in the post-apocalyptic scenario you describe, that the practicality of daily life would soon overturn the desire to dress. High heels would be so impractical running away from the zombies. Though the desire to dress is very strong, it isn’t stronger than the desire to stay alive, I feel sure!



  2. thorin25 says:

    Hi Vivienne, happy new year to you as well! May God richly bless 2014 for you.

    Obviously we come from very different perspectives on this topic, but still found your comment interesting. It seems this kind of fantasy/scenario is a common one for folks like us, probably because we like to imagine doing this activity without worrying about the judgment of anyone, or people making fun of how we would look.

    I’m curious. You agree with me that spending so much time crossdressing in such a scenario would be distracting from trying to survive. But let’s say there was no danger. Say you were holed up in a bunker with plentiful supplies for years to come. Do you see yourself living day to day dressed the whole time? Or would it be a part time activity?


  3. Vivienne says:

    Hi Thorin,

    I can’t possibly answer that question. It’s a close variant of the “If I were free to dress every day, would I do it every day?” question, which I often pose to myself.

    A metaphor I think is helpful is a man who is extremely thirsty. If you give him free access to water, he will guzzle until he is full. Thereafter, he might enjoy the pleasure of having more water than he needs, and might enjoy drinking more water than normal, remembering all those thirsty times. Eventually, he is likely to readjust, to the point where he drinks a normal amount because he realises that’s all he needs.

    I think something like that would be what would happen to me, if all the restrictions to crossdressing were immediately removed. On the other hand, if you change the metaphor to food, I already eat more than I need, because I enjoy the pleasure of food. It’s quite possible that I would dress more than I needed to, because I enjoy it. I like to think I wouldn’t dress to the point of harm, because I don’t overeat to the point of harm, but I cannot honestly say.

    An interesting question to consider.



  4. Ralph says:

    My first reaction is that yes, I would wear comfortable dresses and skirts all the time. The only thing that stops me from doing so now is that I do not wish to be a divisive issue in my church or my community, so with that restriction lifted — and no society to dictate which fashions are “made for women” — I would dress for comfort and personal choice.

    There would be practical considerations — you don’t want to be climbing through heaps of rubble picking out cans of food wearing a floor-length ball gown, and skirts don’t get along with high winds. But hey, a whole world of clothes out there? I bet I can find some that are comfortable AND practical.

    Vivienne’s observations about satiation are intriguing. I’m *almost* to that point now, where I can dress however I like nearly 24/7. But those last limits still prevent me from truly satisfying the itch — I find myself somewhat annoyed that I have to put on “man clothes” to answer the door, or take out the trash, or go into town. Well, that and budget limitations. I can’t really dress the way I like when my personal allowance from my paycheck is only $50 a month. Oh, and it’s next to impossible to find styles I like in my size (38-46-42???) So if I were truly free to wear anything at all I wanted literally every minute of every day, perhaps I would finally satiate my needs and not object to the practical necessity of wearing pants once in a while.

    The addict’s analogy is also thought provoking, but I’m not sure how far you can really carry it. Giving in to our wildest dreams and dressing up all the time would not cause us physical harm (those heaps of rubble in a ball gown notwithstanding) but obviously a drug addict who took advantage of the freedom to indulge all the time would not live long.

    Hey, maybe the folks in Colorado will let us see how badly things deteriorate when addicts are given free rein 😉


  5. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Ralph, good comment. However, “harm” can be defined in various ways. While I would not advocate that crossdressing gives physical harm, I do advocate that it gives emotional and spiritual harm, at least to me, but as you know, I’ve tried to make a case that it’s just for me, but for others as well.


  6. Don says:

    I had this thought many times when I was young in the 50’s. With the threat of nuclear annihilation at that time, I would imaging that everyone would be dead except me and I could go to any store to dress as I want.

    Since I actually did live as a woman two years ago, and do whatever I wanted, I know that in the apocalyptic situation, the thrill would not last long, as the only thrill for us is being recognized by others as a woman. The thrill of clothes alone would only last a very short time, and it is people and relationships and all the variations from that which would come are the things that would keep it interesting. If you were alone in the world, the loneliness would catch up with you very quickly.

    Even then, the experiences of those that transition to being a women are very bad. The suicide rate is at least 40% and then there are the rest that you don’t hear from that are very depressed and sorry that they ruined their body. That is not to say that there are not a very few transgender that are happy, but if you are the least bit turned on by crossdressing you are not a good candidate for transition.

    Just Google “transgender suicide” and you will see what I mean.



  7. Kristjan says:

    If it was about pure survival or die other wise, it can mean many things. If it was about “fun” I think crossdressing then should be least of your problems. But if clothes avable were only womens for some random reason and the other opinion was to freeze to death. You would have to put them on, after all the original purpose of clothes was to keep us warm not mask over our sexualities and sex.


  8. Dramaking55 says:

    Happy New Year to you all! This was an interesting post because in some ways it hit home for me and I am happy to say that I don’t care if it was the end of the world or not. First off I remember how much work it was to dress every day SHEESH lol. For me I didn’t quit for any other reason than I realized at a heart level that CD and a close vibrant relationship with Christ were not possible at the same time. What if the love of my life passed away would I want to CD? No because though I could move to another state and begin all over again as Victoria there would still be that huge chasm between God and I and I would much rather enjoy the joy of the Lord than anything CD.

    Love you all


  9. Ralph says:

    Of course, for those of us who practice the Christian faith, our biggest problem in such a scenario would be “Auggggggh, I was left behind and everybody else got caught up in the Rapture!” 🙂


  10. Dramaking55 says:

    LOL Ralph! one of my guilty pleasures is watching the Walking Dead and somehow I just can’t see a crossdresser in any of the camps of those survivors!


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