Guest Post – Andrew’s testimony

By Andrew

My name is Andrew and I have been in recovery for over 20 years from CD, sex, and lust. I have also been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ my Lord. I grew up in Chicago in a very dysfunctional home without a father till I was 8yrs. old and then my mother married what turned out to be an abusive alcoholic.  I made a lot of bad choices in my childhood and some of those choices made me a victim for many years. I began cross dressing in my mind along with masturbation at the tender age of 10 yrs. old and it wasn’t long after that I started to CD in private at my home and also at a “friends” house that molested me till I was 17 and went into the Navy.

The desire was very strong to CD and about 5 yrs ago I lived as a woman more than as a man. This brought much heartache to my wife and also my son, but as I was to learn CD is a selfish and self-centered activity. Even though I had been through many recovery groups and even though I was a Christian I continued to live in duality with my masculine self constantly warring against my femme self until there was a psychological break in my psyche. I ended up retiring with a disability and began to realize that although I had a strong faith in God and in Jesus, I still had a very hard time actually trusting God with my whole life.

A few years ago I had a major dream that shook me to my core and what happened after that has become one of my biggest blessings. I went to work on myself, my faith and my lack of trust and in 2011 I found this blog.

I would comment on various posts and I joined our prayer chain and over the years, I found that God was taking my whole life’s experiences and making them all work out for His good. I still struggle with temptation and will till Christ calls me home, but within these pages I have found a home and a family of men that I am blessed to know and have come to love as we fight this good fight. I realized that if I was going to be used by God to do some work for the Kingdom I had to commit to working on me and also taking my life’s experiences and sharing them with other hurting men.

There are many who come to this blog for relief from a sin that has had them in bondage and this blog and all it’s posts can be the sanctuary for many. Due to the worlds view that there are no absolutes anymore I have even had the opportunity to dialogue with others who do not hold to the same beliefs as myself, so we all get the opportunity to grow.

As I get further down this journey I see now how fragile our sobriety is. I am not perfect but I am better than I used to be and with that I can say that it is all good. Praise God!

Thank you for fighting with me



*Extra note from me, Thorin – Andrew has been a tremendous blessing to me from the Lord. He has encouraged me greatly and has helped me to manage this blog, approving comments, and commenting at times when I am busy with real life ministry. He also has been a great help in managing our prayer chain and praying for/encouraging the other guys.


3 comments on “Guest Post – Andrew’s testimony

  1. Paul says:


    Thank you for sharing your testimony and for your fellowship through this group. You have been and are a real blessing. Praise God for the work he has done in you and is continuing to do.



  2. CDingHurts says:

    Thank you Andrew. Reading your testimony gives me strength at a time of severe crisis, caused at root by my crossdressing and concealment of it from my wife over very many years. I am at a desperate point and full of shame and remorse, as my family comes apart around me. Thank God my son is still being supportive of me. The dialogue and sharing that this site offers is wonderful and I am grateful to Thorin and to God for guiding me here.


  3. Andrew says:

    Cd, thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry that you have to go through this but know that you are not alone. I can’t tell you what to do but if it were me I would do whatever I had to in order to save my marriage. I will pray that your wife would give you another chance and if she is a believer that she would see that God really doesn’t want us to get divorced. I honestly believe that once we come to ourselves and see the wreakage we created by our self-centered behaviors a real heart to heart might take place. We can then pour out our heart focusing on the pain we caused for our spouse and make it about our spouse and not us. Call it a last ditch effort or a hail mary pass.

    I don’t mean to give you false hope or to judge what you have done as I know that you have been through the wringer with all that has gone on. My counsel comes only from my experiences and is just an idea so please don’t take offense.
    As far as shame goes, you need not be in shame because shame is what we are whereas guilt is what we did. Shame is a negative thing that God does not want you to feel and will do nothing other than feed the evil one to get in your head. You have guilt over what transpired, what you created and what you did and that can be used as a powerful motivator to continue to fight the good fight but you need to do all of it for you and only you! You can’t fight this for your wife or your son or because you think that you should. This is a fight that Jesus and you can and will fight together. Remember that Jesus loves you and even if it is minute by minute then go to Him every minute for the strength that you need to continue the fight. Eventually you will get to an hour before you you need His strength and you get to a 24 hr day where you have no thoughts or desires to do anything sinful but in time and with faith you will succeed in this. I am right there with you brother and I am available by phone or e-mail as well when you are ready to have accountability in your life.
    May God bless you

    Liked by 1 person

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