This is a pretty graphic topic I guess, but it seems practical enough for me to talk about, because dealing with these issues is a reality for most of us. First of all, if you want my thoughts on masturbation, see my long post on it – here. I’ll try not to repeat myself. This post is more about nocturnal emissions, and how they sometimes coincide with crossdressing dreams, and I’m going to explore the possible connection to regular masturbation or lack thereof.
So, what do guys do who aren’t married? What is their sexual outlet? Nocturnal emissions of course. So one could say that masturbation is not necessary and so we should not do it. I’ve noticed this is also the case in marriage. My wife and I usually have sex once a week. If we skip a week (which happens quite often), I usually have a nocturnal emission in there near the time we would have had sex. So again, we could say masturbation is not necessary, because God has provided the means of nocturnal emission. I’m not coming at this from a scientific angle, so perhaps some men don’t have nocturnal emissions, but I would guess most of us do if we aren’t having sex regularly.
I’ve been going back and forth on my judgements about whether masturbation is good or bad (if done without sinful thoughts). Earlier this year I leaned toward masturbation always being a bad thing, as I don’t believe it’s God’s ideal, as it’s very difficult to do without sinning in our hearts and minds, and as we have the outlet of nocturnal emissions for the sexual release. And perhaps most important, it is difficult for some men to masturbate without it turning into a serious addiction. Some months ago, my wife and I had not had sex in a couple weeks and I wanted to masturbate, but I thought to myself – “well, what if there is really no need to, because God provided nocturnal emissions instead.” So I prayed, “Lord, I’m going to try to lean on masturbation less in these times of being away from my wife, and let you use nocturnal emissions for my release if I need it.” Well I went to bed and that very night I had one.
But lately I’ve been wondering if masturbation is actually a better outlet for the sexual release than the nocturnal emissions. Let me explain by first analyzing my nocturnal emissions or wet dreams. When I have a nocturnal emission I almost always wake up as it happens. 90% of the time I wake up in the middle of a dream, and so I realize at that time what the dream was about. Wonderfully there have been times that I have had a wet dream thinking about sex with my wife. But unfortunately sometimes it is about me with another woman, or more often (at least in the past) it was about crossdressing. (Thankfully the number of my crossdressing wet dreams has drastically reduced in recent years, yea for healing from sexual perversity!). So I wake up, and feel very dirty and guilty about my sinful dream. And on top of that I hate wet dreams because they are a sticky mess. Masturbation is a whole lot cleaner because you control it. But with wet dreams I end up getting my boxers and the sheets sticky (and sometimes my wife if I am laying up with her). I guess this is how God designed our bodies to work, but it sure seems a gross method. It’s not that I detest physical things, like that which my body produces, I just don’t want it all over the place.
But let me get into the sinful aspect of wet dreams. I really think that when I’m dreaming, I’m still me. I lack much control, but it’s still my thoughts and desires that come out in my dreams. Therefore, since in my living life I have healed greatly and resisted crossdressing so much in the past years, crossdressing isn’t as much a part of my dream life as it was. So I do think it’s right to feel some culpability for what we dream about. It’s still us doing the dreaming. Could demons influence our dreams? Perhaps. Could we sometimes just dream about random things that we can’t imagine how they got into our minds? Perhaps. But largely I think we control what we dream about to some extent by the worries we allow ourselves to think about during the day, by the things we take in with our eyes, and ears, by our hopes and desires, etc. Now granted, our self-control is severely limited while dreaming. It’s pretty hard to resist the temptation of lust while we are out of it and sleeping. So what can we do to avoid these dreams, these sinful dreams that can even cause us to experience heightened temptation to crossdressing during the day because we think back to the pleasure of the dream? See this post for an example of how a wet dream led to one of my failures – here.
In considering these things I have determined that for me, masturbation is preferable to wet dreams. When my wife and I don’t have sex in a given week, I have greatly heightened temptation to sin, not because of any specific trigger or desire, but just because of wanting that sexual release. Instead of waiting for the nocturnal emission, I masturbate and deal with the issue immediately, and then all temptations go away. I only need to masturbate that one time and then can wait until the next week when we will have sex again. I also can control my thoughts during masturbation but cannot during a wet dream. The wet dreams end up being full of sinful lust, whereas when I masturbate I can think only of my wife and nothing else, and not have any sinful thoughts. Let me be crystal clear. I am not talking about masturbating while looking at pictures of women on the computer, or while looking at crossdressing photos, or while thinking about crossdressing or any strange fantasy. I’m talking about something that takes about 3-5 minutes in the bathroom, only using physical stimulation and thoughts of my wife. It’s quick, clean, without sinful thoughts, and gives me that sexual release until my wife is back with me to have sex again (like if she was away for work).
I write about this just to get you all thinking. I’m not telling you what to do. For some of you it would be disaster to take my approach because you can’t control yourself with masturbation. So then don’t do it! But maybe for some of you this is a good alternative to crossdressing wet dreams which will throw you all out of whack. I welcome criticisms, reflections, thoughts, and scientific data, on these issues.