The horrors of addiction

This is a little video that I find very applicable to my life with crossdressing.

At the first, I crossdressed as almost an experiment of sorts, like the kiwi first eating the yellow orb, but not so sure what it was.  I was drawn to crossdressing somehow, but didn’t know why or what it would do for me.  I just one day put on a dress, and felt a sexual and emotional high, and wanted to do it again, and again.   It was an amazing feeling, those first times of crossdressing.  It felt so new and exciting.  I could think of almost nothing else while at school.  Just needed to get home and immediately crossdress again.

But as time went by, I needed more and more.  I needed more varieties of clothing.  I needed to look more like a woman.  I needed makeup.  I needed underwear.  You know how it goes.  To get the same high I needed more and more.  And the high lasted less long and it was less strong.  Both the sexual high and the emotional comfort/security/pleasantness of it all.  You see after the 2nd high, the kiwi doesn’t land so gracefully.  That was me too.  I started getting desperate and sloppy and almost getting caught.  I spent far too much time in the activity.

After a bit more time, I was out of control.  I felt like crossdressing owned me rather than me it.  I could not stop myself.  I “needed” it all the time.  I started not hanging out with friends so I could crossdress instead.  I made up excuses to stay home from events instead of going with the family, so I could be alone to crossdress.  It started ruining my life.  And it was making me distant from God.  That left me in a dark place, thankfully it did not last really long, and I started fighting the addiction, and have been fighting to this day many many years later.  And I have been enjoying every moment of freedom.  Even with a relapse, I still have enjoyed greatly these last years of freedom and joy and the natural highs of living life for God in abundance, without the unnatural perverted high of crossdressing that can never fully satisfy your soul.

Some of you are in the throes of this addiction.  I know from talking to so many of you.  You are looking like the kiwi at the end of the video.  You are shriveled up and dying.  You are doubting your faith, feeling distant from God, and feeling like you can’t be forgiven.  You have lost your job because of your addiction or you are close to it.  You have messed up your relationships with your kids and your wife.  You may be going through a divorce because of this addiction.  And one of the things I keep seeing is that the people who come to me who have had crossdressing ruin their life, they are isolated.  They have spent so much time in their addiction that they have very few good relationships, very few friendship, they are isolated and alone because like a drug addiction, a crossdressing addiction saps your life and time away.

Brothers, men out there reading this, get some help!  This addiction will not give you peace!  There is freedom and forgiveness around the corner!  Freedom and life!  Admit you have a problem, decide to fight it, and get help.  If you are interested, we have a whole community of men here ready to support you.


2 comments on “The horrors of addiction

  1. I’m a woman that liked to cross dress, but the problem is, no one could tell. I put on pants, a man’s shirt, and wore no makeup, but no one knew I was cross dressing, they just thought I was being “casual”. So, I started to watch football and drink beer, and I tried to smoke a tobacco pipe. But then people just thought I was a lesbian. I’m not. I’m a straight woman that cross dresses, but no one knows about this, even though I did it publicly. Cross dressing seems to be a male thing. If a guy wears a dress, it’s immediately obvious what he’s doing. I therefore lost all thrill of putting on pants like a man, and now I wear dresses and makeup again, and I’m much happier.


  2. thorin25 says:

    It’s very interesting to hear from you. Thanks for the comment. You said you “lost the thrill”. Does that mean you had some kind of sexual thrill when you used to crossdress?


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