No more half measures

A lot of people say they want to quit crossdressing, or that they tried to quit crossdressing and they failed.  But many of these people have not really tried.  They half-heartedly tried, but they didn’t try very hard.

If this addiction is really destroying your marriage, or destroying your life, or you believe it is sinful and displeasing to God, then wouldn’t you do whatever it takes to fight it?

And yet you talk to people and find out –

I tried to quit but it didn’t work” and yet they were never willing to confess to someone else to get help.
-And yet they were never willing to go to a 12-step group.
-And yet they were never willing to meet with their pastor.
-And yet they were never willing to do a daily journal writing what they are truly feeling and thinking when temptations come.
-And yet they were never willing to read 1 Corinthians 10:13 five times a day.
-And yet they were never willing to get rid of their internet.
-And yet they were never willing to get accountability software.
-And yet they were never willing to get rid of their female clothing.
-And yet they were never willing to get marriage counseling with their wife.
-And yet they were never willing to ask their wife for help in reducing temptations around the house.
-And yet they were never willing to consider taking medications that might lessen the temptations.
-And yet they were never willing to read God’s Word for 30 minutes every day when feeling tempted.
-And yet they were never willing to pray accompanied by occasional fasting from food.
-And yet they were never willing to put work into memorizing Scripture.
-And yet they were never willing to find an accountability partner.
-And yet they were never willing to learn a new hobby or activity to take their minds off of crossdressing.
-And yet they were never willing to get out of the house doing productive things like Bible studies or volunteer work to have something else to do.
-And yet they were never willing to do the hard introspective work to figure out what the root causes of their crossdressing was.
-And yet they were never willing to read my blog or other blogs/articles giving tips and information that would help them to quit.
-And yet they were never willing to read or only skim more than 1 blog post about quitting.
-And yet they were never willing to pray daily, every hour, asking God for strength to resist the temptations.
-And yet they were never willing to put in place a strategy for how to deal with time spent alone at home.
-And yet they were never willing to join our support/prayer/accountability email group.

If you want to quit, it is possible, but it takes hard work.  Why expect that it would be easy?  It is an addiction after all.  We don’t expect drug addicts just to up and quit one day with never again having a temptation or difficult struggle.  Why expect that it will be different for us?

I think what it comes down to is this.  If you tried to quit crossdressing, but you failed to do most of the things above, then you really didn’t want to quit that badly.  Which is fine.  It’s a free country.  I am not going to try to prevent you from crossdressing.  But I do want people to realize that it is not that quitting is impossible.  It is that some people didn’t really try hard to quit crossdressing, though they said they tried, and we can see that they didn’t put much effort into it.

As I said in a recent post, change is possible.  It takes time, and it takes work.  But if you aren’t willing to put the work in, don’t expect change, and reevaluate your motivation.  Perhaps you didn’t really want to stop crossdressing after all.

I write this post first and most of all to myself.  I need to continue the fight, and I’m encouraging myself not to take any more half measures.  I need to continue the hard work of doing the things above.

If you do want to change, there is hope!  For a starting place – 12 steps to stop crossdressing.

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2 comments on “No more half measures

  1. A CD wife says:

    Thorin what a brilliant post you have said it all really. May i just add that if you are willing to put as much effort into recovery as the time spent thinking and acting out in your CD addiction it could go a long way towards helping you succeed.

    Like

  2. A CD wife says:

    I have just re read my post Thorin and when i said you i meant CDs in general. I know how hard you work on your recovery your wife is a lucky lady indeed ! Happy new year.

    Like

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