I will not google that

In relation to my last post about doing whatever it takes to quit crossdressing and fight temptation, I did a writing exercise that was helpful to me.  A television show reminded me of how kids used to do the discipline activity of writing something like “I will not hit my sister” 100 times on a piece of paper.  Such an activity I think is helpful because it really ingrains the idea in your head.

Recently, I looked at websites about crossdressing that I should not have looked at.  I repented and enjoyed God’s forgiveness and moved on.  But I did not want it to happen again, so I did this writing activity to help me be more vigilant when it comes to the internet and crossdressing.  Especially I want to be more vigilant around google and not searching for things that might seem harmless, but will lead me down a wrong path.  I thought writing this phrase out – “I will not google that” 100 times would be helpful for ingraining that idea in my head.  I’m not sure if I reached 100 times, but it turned into a wonderful devotional activity in the process, and a good reminder of why I don’t want to fall back into crossdressing or looking at crossdressing websites.  I highly recommend this writing activity.  Below is a sample section from my activity.

I will not google that
I will not google that.
I will not google that.
I will not google that cd filth
I will not google that cd rubbish
I will not google that stupid fiction
I will not google those perverted stories
I will not google those flickr pictures
I will not google that art
I will not google story filth
I will not google that perverted sin
I will not google this toxic stuff to my soul
I will not google pictures of women celebrities
I will not google pictures of women
I will not google pictures of men
I will not google pictures of clothes
I will not google seemingly harmless phrases
I will not google any cd fiction which is all trash
I will not google anything without a purpose
I will not google trying to find sinful things to fill my mind
I will not google in an addictive state ruining my life
I will not google and waste all the time in my life
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google anything about CD
I will not google CD filth
I will not google CD drawings
I will not google CD photos
I will not google when I am home alone
I will not google dresses that were not made for me
I will not google that which will rot my soul
I will not google that which will put me in bondage
I will not google that which will make me feel pain
I will not google that which will make me feel regret
I will not google that which will make me want to vomit later
I will not google that which will make me disappoint my God
I will not google that which will make me add to the sins Christ had to bear
I will not google that which will make me lose a battle
I will not google that which will make me break my victory streak
I will not google that which will disappoint my accountability partner
I will not google that which will disappoint my prayer group
I will not google that which will fill my mind with horrid images
I will not google that which will confuse my body’s sexuality
I will not google that which will bring rot to my soul
I will not google that which will pull me farther away from God
I will not google that which will pull me farther away from my wife
I will not google that which will make me hear God’s voice less well
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that evil filth
I will not google that stuff I Hate
I will not google that stuff that filled my life with bondage for so many years
I will not google that and become a slave
I will not google that and go back to slavery
I will not google that and confuse my sexuality
I will not google that and read about such nasty things
I will not google that and waste all of my time
I will not google that and waste all my time looking for wholesome CD stories because there aren’t any
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that no matter what
I will not google that no matter how much it entices me
I will not google that no matter if I am alone and can delete my history
I will not google that no matter how much my body wants it
I will not google that just because I want sexual pleasure
I will not google that because I want to masturbate
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google beautiful women instead of desiring my wife
I will not google women to lust after which is adultery
I will not google any women to lust at which is adultery
I will not google any people to lust at which is adultery
I will not google pictures of CD men to lust at which is homosexuality
I will not google pictures of any people to lust at which is messed up
I will not google any kind of crossdressing fiction because its all so nasty and wrong
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google any of that rubbish
I will not google that which I know God does not want me to
I will not google that because I know that is what is best for me
I will not google that because I know that God’s will is best
I will not google that because when I don’t google that I am always happiest
I will not google that because when I don’t, I am free
I will not google that because I know God gives me the strength not to
I will not google that you stupid devil
I will not google that because I am going to be victorious
I will not google that
I will not google that because I am the Lord’s child
I will not google that because I have the Holy Spirit living in me
I will not google that because God loves me
I will not google that because I am a man of God
I will not google that because I am a leader of God’s people
I will not google that because I have the promise of eternal life
I will not google that because my joy is full because of God’s salvation
I will not google that because God is my all in all and all that I need
I will not google that because God is my joy and my treasure
I will not google that because Jesus is coming back again to make me new and change my desires
I will not google that because God is with me, always.

I will not google that. I am free.

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18 comments on “I will not google that

  1. Alec says:

    Thank you for posting this, too many people deny it as a sex type of addiciton though pretty good evidence that it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I should try this, but I need to add “facebook” to the sentence.

    Like

  3. Bob burnquist says:

    Hey there is nothing wrong with crossdressing. The only thing that’s wrong is the public view that has been contorted by pointless religions. If there was a god and he loved everyone then why the hell would he give a shit if you wore a skirt or what ever. You shouldn’t preach your garbage and should lend a better hand to society than your religious homophobic a assery. Clothes are clothes and it’s doesn’t make a damn difference whether it’s pink or green or hugs the figure or not. Oh while we are on the topic let’s all look at women that were pants and tell them it’s wrong. And ha Jesus wore a efin dress. And worst of all you religious people follow a book that shrugs off rape it’s like wtf were people thinking.

    Like

  4. thorin25 says:

    Bob, before criticizing someone you should actually read what they said. You are terribly ignorant. If you would have read my blog you would see that me and countless other men have not just given up crossdressing because of what God thinks, but because it was destroying our lives. Anything that is destroying your life is not simply harmless fabric that just happens to be a different color. Do some research about crossdressers. As soon as you start talking to crossdressers you will realize that it is not “just clothing” for them at all. At least I have an opinion about crossdressing that is based on knowledge rather than your opinion which is on something you clearly know absolutely nothing about.

    Further, I actually have written that I think it’s okay for women to wear pants. You would know this if you read my posts before needlessly trolling and making stupid statements. I believe culture gradually changes, including clothing. Jesus did not wear a dress, but yes he wore something sort of like it as was appropriate for men of that time and that specific culture.

    I’m sorry that you have such hatred of God and Christians. But we don’t need your hatred here. I wish you the best, but please refrain from further comments.

    Like

  5. Bob burnquist says:

    Based on knowledge eh. I am a crossdresser. So lol

    Like

  6. Bob burnquist says:

    Oh and the whole god thing I’m a eclectic pagan that doesn’t belive in a higherpower.On the topic of it hurting their lives how? Look I’m married and my wife likes it she believes that it takes a certain confidence to be able to break gender boundries. The other men are probably insecure about their bodies and are scared of what their significant other thinks. My point is that those people should keep doing it and find someone that will love them for them and not leave them for something as harmless as crossdressing. The only ways that crossdressing can harm someone is if they choke them selves on a bra strap, over spend because they want to get more clothes ( which crossdressing wouldn’t be to blame it would be the person has a spending problem), and lastly a group of highly intolerant people just beat him to death for crossdressing.

    My point is that it is harmless. As long as you aren’t allergic to the fabric. Now I will listen to you point. How does it ruin people’s lives

    Like

  7. thorin25 says:

    If you remain civil, you can keep commenting.

    Pardon my assumption, but I figured a real crossdresser would realize that there is more going on than simply choosing fabrics and colors that fit your preferences. I suggest you do some soul searching and think about what causes you to do what you do.

    As an aside, do you also frequent Rehab centers and tell people to stop trying to fight their addictions? You do realize that is what you are doing here.

    Here is a summary (read the linked arguments for the real details) of why I see it as harmful.
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/
    I’d prefer if you don’t take issue with my points unless you read the articles linked to, and not only the summaries.

    If you don’t want to take my word for it that crossdressing is harmful (at least to some people), you can ask these guys –
    Look in the comments. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Like

  8. Bob burnquist says:

    Look all I’m trying to get accrossed for all these people and you is that there is no reason to view it negatively. If someone enjoys crossdressing they shouldn’t be scared or frightful and hating ones self. They should be happy and they should be willing to accept their self. Also a firm base of friends that accept you for who you are is important too. As for it being an addiction. My question is why would you classify it as such.
    What’s really funny is how all these views started blue and pink were associated with gender until the 1930s. Earlyer than that men were the ones that wore thongs. Many cultures men wore skirts “kilt”, he’ll in Victorian Era such as Shakespeare. Women were not alowed to be in plays so the men would dress up as them.
    As for me I don’t even really consider it crossdressing anymore it’s just I like this I’m going to wear that today. Now whether it’s a nice pair of blue jeans or a skirt it just matters to me how hot it is outside and whay I feel like wearing for that day. It doesn’t even effect my life… well other than the occasional hmmm which thing do I want to wear.

    Just remember there is nothing wrong with men and femininity. And you don’t have to be gay to crossdress. Just find a better more reliable group of friends that will support you and you support them.
    BTW I don’t know how you could give up satin underwear it just feels so amazing

    Like

  9. Bob burnquist says:

    The best part of it all is that I was in the usmc and still dressed. I was a grunt. And lived in the barracks.

    Like

  10. thorin25 says:

    Bob, you asked me why I view it as negative, and then you just give me another speech about why it is fine. Did you even read the posts I gave you the links for?

    Like

  11. Eric says:

    Agree with the “seemingly harmless phrases” and “trying to find sinful things to fill my mind”

    I used to (but haven’t in over a year) look up all sorts of phrases including “in a ***”, “wore a ***”, “put me in a ***”, etc. (I’m bleeping out the actual words because finishing the phrase for real almost feels like swearing lol) looking for stories, images, videos, etc.

    But even more subtle seemingly harmless things like some music group or movie or video game that I know is likely to contain those images can be a problem if I know that that’s why I did it.

    For an example of a time that was really dumb and I clearly was just looking for something to take me over and make myself want something, a few months ago I was looking at online German-English dictionaries trying to find one I liked. I already had my routines for Japanese but wanted to get back into German again too as I had learned it in high school. Well this one site in particular in my testing I found that for each word once you did the search the results page had an image or two on it I guess for extra association. Well after playing with it a bit and marveling that they somehow bothered to do with with thousands of words I got the idea to try looking up dress and skirt… I already knew the German words for these things. I remembered them from high school and they are fairly simple/easy words actually. I just wanted to see what images they picked to go with them. It didn’t really affect me too much (at least not consciously or that I have a memory of) but it was a silly waste because I knew that for a moment I was just trying to kindle a desire for something that was wasteful and destructive maybe because I was bored or stressed or something.

    Like

  12. thorin25 says:

    been there, done so many stupid things like that. Stupid rationalizations. These days it’s extremely rare for me to be tempted and just give in to some kind of sexual sin on the computer. More likely I’ll rationalization something like you did, and it leads down to other things

    Like

  13. CD wife says:

    It’s good to see CDs dialoguing on here hopefully others may benefit. We need open people like you Eric and Thorin to lead the way.

    Like

  14. CD wife says:

    Bob burnquist there are plenty of sites that will support your thoughts. This is a unique blog to help men heal from Cross Dressing addiction. Yes that’s right Cross Dressing ADDICTION just ask the honest men here if they can just stop and not think of it again !
    I would rather you didn’t reply to me thank you.

    Like

  15. Eric says:

    Thanks for the encouragement. I feel like even though there were periods in my life where I CD’d regularly, I don’t think it was ever on my mind so consistently as it has been this past year of honestly trying to fight it. Partly because since I told my girlfriend almost everything I’ve done or thought I’m constantly thinking “what would she think I was thinking right now” or “what would she worry about me thinking right now” or even “what would she be mad at me for thinking right now” so although that and agreeing to tell her when I mess up sometimes keeps me from doing things, it also sabotages me by putting those thoughts on my mind when they otherwise wouldn’t be.

    But regarding the addiction thing, yes she admits to having a food addiction and it hurts us financially and not often but occasionally when it comes up and I criticize some choice she made she will sometimes say things like “how about you just stop thinking about CD” in that same tone. Ok, point made. Or when I sometimes want to tell a story that involves food, say something that happened at work… I start out vague but occasionally she will make the comparison and say “what if I started talking about ***” (take your pick of CD trigger word). Again, point made… so she feels like we understand each other better since before I opened up she used to think I would never understand what addiction meant for her and felt somewhat inferior that I didn’t have that kind of issue. Well now she knows the truth!

    Like

  16. thorin25 says:

    Cdwife, you have good things to say and I always appreciate your praise for this site, but it’s better not to comment on a post if you won’t let someone reply. This is a place for dialogue, even for people who disagree that CD is wrong. Many have come here and initially thought that but then changed after gentle dialogue. Bob you are welcome to reply further

    Like

  17. CD wife says:

    Point taken Thorin i just didn’t want to get into a dialogue with him because this is a site to help men heal from Crossdressing and i take that as a “given” here. But i respect and now understand what you are saying.

    Like

  18. thorin25 says:

    CDwife, thank you for your understanding. Please continue to comment and keep giving your encouragements and advice. Appreciate it

    Like

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