Article – The role of a wife in your recovery

This is a good article for thinking about the role of your wife as you recover from a crossdressing addiction.  What Every Wife of a Sex Addict Has a Right to Know About Her Husband’s Recovery.  It can be difficult to know how much to tell her and how to involve her in a way that is appropriate and helpful to you both.

My own philosophy for my marriage, and what I usually suggest for men who are recovering from crossdressing is this.  Confess to your wife in a general way about your addiction.  Make sure you have a very long talk so that she can understand what a crossdressing addiction entails and what it doesn’t.  But leave out the specifics about what you have done.  The details aren’t necessary and only give her graphic images in her mind and could hurt the marriage.  She needs your confession, and hopefully forgives you.  But she doesn’t need every detail.  And then keep her posted on your recovery, what you are doing, and how you are progressing, but again, don’t give her every detail.  That is for your accountability partner.  Your wife doesn’t need to know about every relapse of wearing female clothing again.  She doesn’t need to know about every perverted thought that goes through your head.  But she does need to know you are taking your recovery seriously, that you have a support group or accountability partner, and that you are making progress.  And I believe she should be allowed to ask anything she wants and you should answer honestly.  You can advise that it might not be helpful for her to know all the details.  But if she wants to ask questions, you should answer.  After all, according to 1 Corinthians 7, she owns you!

This has worked very well in my own marriage.  My wife did not want to know all the details.  But it was good for her to know who I am and what I’ve struggled with and how I have found freedom.  And her giving me forgiveness and me receiving it, was vital.  Today my wife and I can talk freely about my former addiction and about this website.


4 comments on “Article – The role of a wife in your recovery

  1. zahdah says:

    What if your husband won’t tell anyone but you, he won’t be accountable to anyone? He says he doesn’t need anyone else to heal.


  2. CDwife says:

    Then he has you in the closet with him . Not a good place to be so please seek help for yourself.Secrets like this can make you very ill.


  3. thorin25 says:

    Zahdah, he has to be accountable to someone other than his own self, otherwise he can live in delusion and keep failing. What he is doing is forcing you to be that accountability partner, which is not the healthiest thing in my opinion, but better than for him to be completely alone. But then you need to dig and make sure he hasn’t been failing. But that might only make him resent you. Perhaps lovingly demand that he doesn’t do this alone and gets some help, unless he can assure you that he has stopped crossdressing and has not done it again since last talking to you. I don’t know, it’s tough. Praying that God convicts him


  4. zahdah says:

    Thank you cdwife and Thorin,
    You are both right. I have said many times that he needs someone else, besides me. And I know it’s not ok for me to have to be his accountability partner, I believe it puts our roles in an unhealthy way. All that being said, I don’t feel like its my right to share his struggle. So, Thorin, the prayer is a great response, thank you.


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