Written by XcdScooter
A recovering cross-dresser’s reflections on Psalm 32. Please carefully read this passage of Scripture in your Bible before engaging my story.
What amazing, definitive joy and blessing await us – who have fallen prey to the obsessions and compulsions of our flesh. (As King David had with Bathsheba).
Both our decisions and the inability to escape our past, has left us with gaping holes of shame and guilt fostered by unrepentant sin; our lives wasting away at the hands of idolatrous pursuits. The feelings of cross-dressing have left us awash in momentary pleasure, which haunts us when we realize just how far we have moved away from true peace with God.
I kept silent, not wanting to give up what has become so precious to me, even though it was destroying my life and those I love. But God… You never left me even as I engaged in my behaviors! Your love – demonstrated by continuous conviction, pursued me relentlessly deep inside. The provision of relief and blessing (the possibility of having joy) was just a humble, deeply sorrowful prayer away. Yet in my despair, I was convinced I was too far gone! Finally, the pain of staying the way I was, became unbearable. I openly uncovered my hidden lifestyle to the Lord and confessed my transgressions to Him. He forgave my sin (behaviors) and iniquities (lasting effects of my brokenness)!!
After verse 5, many Bible versions include the word “Selah” (meaning, pause and calmly think of that).
This same invitation is open to all who realize the undercurrent of godliness, churning within them – to pray also. Crying out while they are aware of God’s presence, calling and love. If they do, then surely the tidal waves of temptations and compulsions will cease to overwhelm.
[but wait, there’s MORE!! Not only forgiven, no lasting guilt of my iniquities and relieved of the need to lie to those who love me?!]
The overshadowing protection of God and finally being at peace with Him, myself and others -becomes amazingly apparent. Our loving God surrounds me now, declaring over me shouts of deliverance! “Selah” (meaning, pause and calmly think of that).
[and HE doesn’t stop there…]
The Lord takes personal interest in me (as I, now being of willing spirit and mind to learn), instructing me and teaching me a fulfilling and purposeful way of living. Being careful to cooperate, gaining new understanding and worthwhile behaviors that please the Lord. He guides me with His eye.
*If I walk away, pursuing again – ungodliness; I will have many sorrows and multiplying regrets.
*If I stay softened and surrendered to his instruction, trusting that He has my highest good in mind, I will stay surrounded by His steadfast love. Wow!
Can you feel it building up? A loving heavenly crescendo in the chorus of my life…
…Gladness in being made righteous in Him. Becoming established, knowing I am upright in heart. Now clean from the way I used to think and behave, from newness within I can (and do) shout for Joy!! Something I was incapable of before.
AHhhhh! These are God’s promises, and He doesn’t make promises that He won’t keep!