Progress Report 5-2-15

I wanted to share something that I don’t remember if I shared before or not.  But I was just thinking about it the other day and it was so encouraging to me.  I guess this is sharing quite intimate details but I’m sure many of you can relate.

At the beginning of my marriage, sex was new and exciting and I never had any problems being stimulated and aroused by my wife.  However, as the years went on, it became harder and harder, partly from marriage problems, and partly because of my addiction to crossdressing.  Sometimes, in the middle of foreplay, I would become frustrated at my lack of arousal, and purposely think about crossdressing fantasies in order to be aroused.  I always felt rotten and incredibly guilty about such times, but it was a fairly common happening.

The healing I’ve experienced from crossdressing addiction has been gradual and it’s been (and continues to be) a long process.  The process of change happens so slowly that you don’t easily notice all the significant changes.  As an example, one day you wake up and realize you haven’t had a single temptation in months!

But I want to go back to what I said about the marriage bed.  I just realized that I haven’t thought about crossdressing in the marriage bed for a very very long time.  I can’t remember the last time.  It’s likely been years.  And I have no problems in bed anymore.  Although sex has become routine and habit and not new and thrilling, it’s good, and my wife can arouse me just by being herself, without me thinking about anything perverse in my mind, crossdressing or pornography or anything else.  This feels like freedom and good progress.  Thank you Lord.  The process of sanctification and change is slow, but if we are willing to keep at it, change happens.  I hope the same can happen for all of you.

 

 

Advertisements

6 comments on “Progress Report 5-2-15

  1. ikthys says:

    I was just gonna write something about this area (thoughts during sexual intimacy). I (still) have times when, for various reasons, I feel the need to “speed things up” a bit, so I will dip into an unwholesome thought. I don’t have to do this often (plus I am also getting more distant from the wild arousal I used to get at such thoughts), but I was especially ashamed when my wife asked very innocently that I focus more on her pleasure the other day and, our of guilt I couldn’t let use my crutch anymore, and also out of guilt, I had a very hard time “performing” that evening for her. I am very encouraged to hear of your growth there. I am working to have a more loving focus rather than a selfish one of gratifying my desires. This is central to sexual health in general I think, and especially for one caught up in sexual addictions like CD. Thanks for sharing!

    Like

  2. thorin25 says:

    Ikthys, thank you for sharing those insights. I think God created sex to be something that is most satisfying when we are not focusing only on our own pleasure (its okay to focus on our own pleasure some and its good to do so), but we also should be focused on giving pleasure to our spouse. In that giving, we find a greater joy and satisfaction. This is difficult in my situation in that even though I try she still does not enjoy sex as much. But at least I can do other things like giving her massages and stuff that she finds very good.

    Like

  3. Kirk says:

    Thorin – Thanks for sharing such personal insights because it truly does help me as I struggle to maintain my sobriety. It even strengthens my faith that God is working his miracles through his children on earth. My wife left me 4 years ago but we never finalized the divorce and are now reconciling. Thanks again for being a beacon of hope! Cheers – Kirk

    Like

  4. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Kirk! Comments like this keep me willing to work on this blog 🙂

    Like

  5. Vern Frapples says:

    Oh my. You, dear sir, and I have many similarities. With your progress in this regard I see hope. My wife and I have resolved to a lessened form of intamacy, and just the thought that I could actually pray that this too could be healed…. Amen. Lord, heal my unbelief. Wrap your tender, loving arms around this poor wretch of a sinner and cleanse me. Bless, Lord, all who venture upon this website seeking help, as I myself do, and give strength and help to Thorin for the mighty work You have called him to do. In the Name of Christ our Lord. Amen.

    Like

  6. thorin25 says:

    Vern, with God it is possible. You are a fair bit older than me, so you have conditioned your body to CD more than I had. That means your recovery may be more difficult than mine, it may take longer to recondition your body to be pleased by your wife. But the hard work will be worth it! May God restore and create intimacy between you and your wife, that will replace CD in your life, making CD look utterly worthless to you now! Praying now for you

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s