Written by Alec
My name is Alec. I am a recovering sex and lust addict getting my thrill through crossdressing, rather than porn or strip clubs. I basically have the same story of most 53 year old closeted crossdressers. I got interested at puberty and with so much acting out over the years, it’s a miracle I am still alive. I have had high blood pressure, jumpy heart nausea and light headedness from this, plus severe exhaustion, withdrawal from people and severe anger tantrums or just being unpleasant to people when getting interrupted from it. It’s been written, many times on CD support sites about how crossdressing is not an addiction. They are right but neither alcohol or drugs are an addiction. It’s in the way something gets continually used and abused.
So I know I have this condition and how do I fight it? Sexaholics Anonymous helps a bit. I go to four meetings per week. But no one else has an addiction that comes from crossdressing. It helps me to come out of the closet in a different way by admitting I have this addiction, instead of dressing up to come out of the closet.
I tested a hypothesis before, hearing from CDs on how getting out of the closet reduces the anxiety and acting out because you’re living your fantasy. So I said to my SA group, “I’m going to go home, dress up, maybe go out to a safe place, however, no acting out or lusting whatsoever, before, during and after dressing up.” So I did. My reactions were paranoia of being watched, feeling out of place, boredom and when home the severe tension and anger felt when one can’t act out. I could motivate myself to not act for several hours but the urge be too strong. And of course, what happens following ejaculation? Guilt, shame and the women’s clothing immediately comes off, unless I’m so exhausted from acting out that I can’t even move. I tried this many times and I find it impossible to dress in women’s clothing without getting turned on. Each new clothing article I would put on, wig, makeup, raise my voice, etc….would just make me act out harder and after doing that keep finding new ways to increase the thrill so I would turn to the internet and objectify trans women. Then just go back and forth. But that’s enough graphic description as that may trigger some of you.
The key to stopping is to following the 12 steps for addiction and coming out, verbally that you desire to stop, telling someone you trust, maybe confessing to a Christian preacher and keep working at it. You will slip a lot in the beginning but have to work at it one day at a time, some days it’s even an hour at a time, and get a sponsor. Two sayings we have in SA, is “we’re looking for progress, not perfection” and “keep coming back, it works if you work it, cause you’re worth it.”
Stay away also from the crossdresser or transgender websites. They’re all support sites of CDing, etc…And will tell you this is not an addiction, “it’s just the way you are”, “you’re just needing to express your feminine side”, etc.. .which just become new excuses to act out in a new way, or they’ve tried Sex Addicts Anonymous before, or the Bible doesn’t condemn crossdressing. Getting on a crossdressing website is like an alcoholic going to a fraternity party where they live on beer.
Look around you and see that the world isn’t perfect, that there’s a ton of miserable women out there. There is no utopia on earth.
In reading the Bible I can apply enough passages to see crossdressing is an unholy activity. Start with Deuteronomy 22:5. It speaks it literally and in an earlier translation too and Paul spoke often of sexual perversion. I wonder if he himself was a recovering addict of some kind.
Anyhow, to stop, abstinence seems to be key.