Desiring God versus Sexual Sin

Here are 4 very good articles from the organization “Desiring God” about how to think about, fight against, and deal with pornography.

Can Pleasure in God Really Compete with the Pleasures of Porn?

Four Steps to Kill Nagging Sins

Has My Sexual Sin Made Me Unsavable?

A good quote about measures we need to take if we want to take sin seriously – “I have a friend who memorized the whole book and a few months ago he recited it to his church, the entire book, in order that he wouldn’t become an Esau. Dare I suggest to you, friend in Hong Kong, dare I suggest: Memorize Hebrews in your warfare. Your life may depend on it.”

Seven Things to Do After You Look at Pornography

This is one of the first articles I’ve seen talking about “fighting the haze” you feel after a failure, the meaninglessness, the hopelessness, the feeling of being numb and you have a hard time thinking of anything else.  Overall, a really helpful and hopeful article.

 

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2 comments on “Desiring God versus Sexual Sin

  1. David Tackett says:

    Coming across this website has helped me in my struggles with crossdressing. I started at an early age (around 5) and toyed with it off and on for many years before stepping up the game even more. While my crossdressing wasn’t much in the outward appearance aspect of things as I didn’t want to explain myself to the public, what went on under my outer clothing spoke differently. I went through the phases of purging and restocking my wardrobe many times (quite costly), but the desires remained throughout it all. In 32 years I have managed to restrain from crossdressing totally for just shy of a year before returning to it.

    I am a Christian and thoughts about the Biblical approach to crossdressing would run in the background of my mind. For many other Christians out there, I’m sure you’re aware of Deuteronomy 22.5. This verse alone caused great conflict in my life as I took it literally to mean that it wasn’t meant to be. The further conflict came from thoughts that God made me this way and I wasn’t really hurting anyone with what I was doing away from the public eye. I did plenty of research into this verse from different perspectives and ultimately came to the conclusion that the verse applied to something differently that a literal take. It was applying more toward a person trying to appear as if they were another gender in order to deceive someone as to their identity. I’m not going to go into any great depths of this interpretation of the verse as I have exhausted myself with it at this time.

    Suffice it to say, I came to my own conclusion that since I wasn’t out there deceiving anyone, then it was perfectly okay to continue on with my crossdressing. With this thought in mind, my life became more at peace since I wasn’t in conflict with myself anymore, nor what I perceived the Bible to be speaking about. Many years after that conclusion, I began to explore other areas of my crossdressing. I had laser hair removal and was able to eliminate quite a bit from my body before I had to stop due to finances. Other areas I was convincing myself that things were okay was in testing different hormones and other body altering medications. I kept convincing myself that as long as I could still hide from the public eye what I was doing, then all was well. I even got myself to believe that when I started developing curving in certain areas, then I could explain that away too. Unbeknownst to me, until recently, I was on a very smooth, yet slippery slope on a path that would be increasingly difficult to get out of.

    One day I was thinking about some things and a thought came to my head that I couldn’t ignore. The thought came from the idea of comparison of my crossdressing to a drug addict. As with a drug addict, there was a time before the habit formed. Granted for me it was a very early age in my life, but there was a time. Then I began looking at all that I had missed out in my life because of my crossdressing habits. I was engaged to a woman back in 2009 and while she knew about my crossdressing, she claimed to be okay with it. Then the closer we got to our wedding date, she informed me that she wasn’t as okay with it as she once thought. As a result, we never did get married. I think about that and wonder how different my life would have been had the crossdressing not be a part of it. I might be happily married, and even have children to call me dad. But, as it is, I was left with a part of my life that no one knew about, yet it directed my decisions in vast ways.

    Going with the drug addiction comparison, there are many out there that have managed to quit their addiction. There are some good friends of mine who are in that bus and I have been able to support them through their struggles. I have read many articles that state that crossdressing is one of the more powerful addictions to quit, and many even suggest that there is no cure for it. As with many of my purges, I found myself agreeing with their conclusions. It wasn’t until that fateful day that the thought came to my head that I started to see things differently. I found that my perception of crossdressing kind of leaned to idol worship of sorts. By that I mean that I found my thoughts dwelling on it, and that I practically couldn’t live without it. During some of my last attempts at quitting, I actually found myself feeling physically ill the longer I refrained from my crossdressing, then, feeling so much better upon my return to it once more. I needed release because even though I wasn’t purging anymore (bank account couldn’t take it), I wasn’t happy anymore with how my life was.

    I prayed strongly about it one night and asked if it was His will for me to stop once and for all, then I would need His strength to overcome the desires that I knew would be coming my way. I stated that I recognized the idolatry in my life and wanted deliverance from it. The next morning a great thing happened, the desire to crossdress was lifted. It wasn’t gone completely, but enough for me to return to a wholly masculine wardrobe once more. The desire went away more the next day. Toward the end of the week however, while at work I got hit with an urge so bad I thought about leaving work early claiming an illness, then rushing home to start up again. Fortunately I was able to talk myself out of it at that time, but a small part of me was gleeful in knowing that I would be returning once more when I got home. The great part of that day was that when I got home, the super strong urge had left and I was able to maintain better. Each time an urge would come back, I would talk it out with myself and remind myself of my life during my crossdressing and what I had thought about it when I decided to quit the last time. On the stronger urge days, I would quit whatever I was doing, go somewhere quiet and pray for strength once more.

    The first week was the hardest, but each day it gets a little easier to deal with it. After the 3rd week, I felt strong enough to pack my wardrobe up into a box and place that box in the back corner of a deep closet. I learned during one of my past purges that if I kept the items instead of throwing them away, it would save me having to buy them again. But, weirdly enough, knowing that the clothing items were still close by if needed, it helped with the sudden thoughts. I thought that the urges would go away after a while. Sadly, I don’t think they’ll ever truly go away, but I have better ways to deal with them when they arrive. As with my one friend who quit his alcohol addiction many years ago, he says that the desire is still there, but it’s more in the background now and he deals with the stronger desires as they come. But, and he emphasized this, he is better equipped to deal with them when they come so they don’t catch him off guard. I am on my 3rd month of deliverance from my crossdressing now (each day is a victory), and still have the smallest of desires come around every now and then, but it’s getting easier for me to push the thoughts away and move on to something else.

    Because crossdressing was such a huge part of my life for just about most of it, I find that it’s quite difficult to find a hobby or interest that would help me take my mind of of it, because I was more than likely doing that hobby while dressed before. There have been far too many times when I’ve had to stop myself from rushing into the back of that closet and ripping that box open, but, with my former alcoholic friend, I am better equipped to recognize a desire and move it to the background so I can move on to something else. Fortunately I wasn’t on the hormones long enough to cause any irreparable damage, but had I not come to this conclusion sooner, who knows what would have further become of my life.

    Sorry for my ramblings, but my heart goes out to anyone struggling with this. It is difficult to stop. The thoughts and urges can come across as relentless at times. I sometimes find myself longing for that box in the back of my closet. But I cherish each day that I manage to make it fully without returning to my old self. Some of the other successful stories I’ve heard about (people that have managed to stop for years) claim that the desires are still there and fluctuate in strength, but it is easier to deal with most of them, or at least easier than before since they’ve managed to live a life outside of crossdressing. If you experience a moment of weakness and return, don’t fret over it too badly as for many of us, the desire is so ingrained in our psyche that they may never leave. If it happens, just brush the dust off and get back on the path to recovery again. Don’t dwell on it and resent what has happened, just recognize that you’re stronger than you thought because you were able to step above those who claim it can’t be done. I know that I long for a day when the desires won’t be there, but sadly I think I’ll have them until I’m gone from this earth. But, I know that even though I may return to it momentarily, I won’t let it control me as deeply as it did before.

    I wish everyone making this decision the best in their new life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. thorin25 says:

    David, thank you so much for the comment and sharing your story. I know it will be a help to others as they read it and relate to it.

    I encourage you to keep reading my other blog posts, and comment on them as you like. It may help you. And as you keep sharing your story here and talking to others, God can use you for good, and you’ll be reminded of why you quit.

    Consider joining our prayer group to help others and to make sure you stay vigilant yourself – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Like

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