A few more practical tips

I wanted to quickly mention several other practical things I have done in the last year or two that have been really helpful and maybe they would be good for some of you to try as well.  These are things I have done, some intentionally to help with crossdressing temptations, and some for other normal life reasons, but they have all proved helpful in reducing temptation.

1. Having my wife and I use different closets – Because it was becoming difficult for my wife’s clothes and my clothes to fit all together in one closet, and because in our house we had a spare room with another closet, I moved all of my clothes to the closet in the other room.  This has proved very beneficial.  Now when I go to the closet and pick out a shirt and tie to wear, I don’t stare at all of my wife’s beautiful dresses and other clothes.  In the life of any crossdresser, it is hard to look at a closet with female clothes in it and not recall the hundreds of times he has “borrowed” female clothes from that very closet or a similar one from his youth.  Those reminders are not helpful.  Not only are they depressing, thinking about the horrible mistakes of my past, but they bring to mind new temptations – the ideas of quickly trying something on that is in that closet.  Having my own closet with only my clothes in it has helped to reduce a lot of temptation and reduced the reliving of those regretful memories.

2. The soft/silky inside of suit coats – It is only recently that I decided to stop dressing so casually for my work and I’ve been wearing full suits a lot more often.  This is a good thing in itself as it helps me to take pride in my appearance as a man, and enjoy the variety of suits and ties I can wear to look good.  But when I bought some new suit coats I realized that many of them have very soft or silky material on the inside.  I’m a very sensory person and often been jealous of the silky clothes women get to wear, and I’ve the heard the same thing from countless crossdressers.  While this is really such a small thing, it is nice to be able to have that same material in my clothes, but in a manly way.  I can can enjoy that fabric knowing that it is normal, not crossdressing, nor even an attempt to bend the rules as to what is normal masculine attire.

3. Getting in Physical Shape – In the last couple years I have started to exercise just for a short time every day.  I did this intentionally to be more physically pleasing to my wife, to have better health, and to feel better about myself and my male body.  It has done wonders.  I’m in great shape, able to run fast and far, play sports well, and I’m starting to get quite a muscular physique, all for only 20-30 minutes a day.  I still wonder how much of crossdressing stems from shame about our masculine selves.  While I don’t want to argue that we struggle to fit into all the masculine stereotypes in order to heal from crossdressing, I do want to say that being a healthy good looking man is certainly helpful.  We don’t have to be superstars, but we should take care of our bodies.  And it’s not only about appearance.  Exercise helps your body to release good endorphins in a way besides sexual addiction.

4.New haircut – Similar to the above points, I finally got the kind of haircut that I wanted.  For years I have hated my haircut and only my wife’s fears of changing it kept me from changing it for so long.  It turns out that now even my wife enjoys my new style.  I think it makes me look more masculine, but most important it just looks better.  Again, it helps me to have a little more self-respect and enjoy my appearance as a man.

With all these points, I’m not advocating that we need to be obsessed with looking good as men.  No.  But many of us have felt shame about our masculine bodies and appearance and turned to crossdressing.  What I’m suggesting is simple.  Just learn some basic skills in male grooming, dressing, and exercising.  All people should do this anyway, whether men or women.  It’s a small thing, but it has helped me a lot.  If you are like me, you spent 2 minutes deciding what to wear and getting ready for the day when dressing as a boy or a man.  But then while crossdressing you’d spend the entire day trying to painstakingly look good as a woman.  I’m suggesting to put that time and effort into looking good as a man.  Spend 10-20 minutes instead of 2!  Feel free to dialogue if you want further understanding or want to critique what I’ve said.

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9 comments on “A few more practical tips

  1. Eric says:

    I totally agree with all of that.

    My girlfriend and I have lived together for a while and I eventually tried on her dresses one day while she was asleep. Years later I told her about it. And like you said, seeing that kind of stuff around was either tempting or depressing so we decided to keep her clothes mostly hidden away out of sight, along with her makeup, etc.

    Also as I recently mentioned on the email group, a few months ago we went clothes shopping so I could get clothes for job interviewing. And it struck me how the feel of some of the clothes reminded me of when I had tried on women’s clothing in the past. I just wore cargo pants and a tshirt every day as a kid/teen and early 20s. My girlfriend got me to add jeans to the mix a few years ago. But yes because my clothing choices were so limited I did have an association of soft silky fabric with women’s clothes.

    Agree on getting in shape too but not much to add there… and I don’t think my hair matters much to me though but maybe I just never thought about it? 😛

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  2. Eric says:

    And actually I want to add that as far as good grooming this is an area where my parents fell short. They never taught me how to properly take care of myself or how to care about my appearance. So this too (caring about how you look) in general is probably something I associate with women or girls that need not be so strong of an association but I never had a good example.

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  3. thorin25 says:

    Eric thank you for the comments. It would be interesting to do a survey to see how many of us crossdressers were not taught grooming well as men (that definitely fits me too).

    The thing with the silky suits, it’s not that it turns me on or anything when I wear those suits, not in the least. I don’t even think about it while wearing them. But it was just a nice reminder that it’s not that women are the only ones with clothing variety and various fabrics, men have the variety too, just to a lesser extent

    You agree about getting in shape. Does that mean you are in shape? 😉

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  4. Eric says:

    Haha no I’m not really in shape… I’m what my girlfriend calls skinny but I could probably lose some and I’ve never really had much muscle. But the few times in my life that I have gotten regular exercise or worked out I feel like it improved my mood overall and made me feel better about myself. Also, I think a sick part of me has sometimes worried that if I did get muscles then if I ever found the time/inclination to dress again then I wouldn’t be able to pull it off as well so by actively working out it is like rejecting that false goal and claiming a valid one in its place.

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  5. Eric says:

    Also for the clothes I never thought you did get turned on by them. I wouldn’t be turned on by the clothes either because I’ve never really been aroused by CD or masturbated because of it, I’ve just had an obsessive fascination and thrill in the sense of a roller coaster (or maybe I should say skydiving to include an element of danger).

    But I understand your point and my very limited experience is similar. My brain was like “oh this is women’s clothing, right? I’m being bad right now, right? Getting away with something?” And then I realize that it’s not true it messes with my head in a good way. (My brain again) “You mean I can just wear this stuff if I feel like it and not feel bad about it? It’s not wrong?”

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  6. thorin25 says:

    Interesting. I wonder if it is actually sexual for you, but you just haven’t reached that point yet. The first few years of my crossdressing, way back in grade school for me, it was without masturbation, though I was being turned on but didn’t understand it.

    If not sexual, are you getting the thrill by pretending to be something you are not, the thrill of “passing?”

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  7. Eric says:

    It’s funny that you suggest that because actually I’m pretty sure that’s not the case (that it just hasn’t “reached that point”). The reason I say that is because as I told in my story on the email group, I also had a diaper fetish and even as young as 8 years old I had an experience where it gave me an erection, though I never understood it for many years. I always denied that my interest (in wearing/using diapers) was sexual because 1. It made me feel bad and 2. I didn’t even understand what that would mean. Just thinking about it can give me an erection sometimes. For the record, I don’t actually think about that much these days and I’m not much bothered by it.

    In contrast, cross dressing has never really turned me on but I get butterflies like stage fright or a roller coaster or something else that is nervous but exciting.

    I do think some of it is having fun with doing something that I’m not *supposed* to do… But it can’t only be that because in general I like doing what I’m supposed to do and doing things right. So why that?

    And though I can’t be completely sure about the past, let me tell you where I’m at right now.

    I don’t fantasize about it or look it up anymore. But when I see the right image (often an actual girl in real life but sometimes a video or image) the feeling hits me like an attack. I don’t even know what the feeling exactly is. I’m jealous I guess. But at the same time I’m simply enjoying and wish I could just stare for hours. And then at the *same* time I feel like “why do I feel these things when ‘normal’ guys don’t?” And I get sad about how screwed up I am.

    My girlfriend recently asked me similar questions and regarding the attraction, she asked me why if I’m just attracted to it do I need to do it myself. I said that’s part of the problem, I like to tell myself I’m simply attracted and like something that is only natural for a male to be attracted to and seeing it is enough. But from my past I know that to be a lie. I know it is an addiction and if I dwell on it it will escalate and I will grow more covetous and wish to take part for myself more and more intensely.

    In general I can shake it off ok but something/soneone “gets” me in thst way maybe 1-3 times a day. I just wish I didn’t have those desires and didn’t have to tell myself to look away, forget about it, or whatever.

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  8. Lisa says:

    Hi Eric. I’m so pleased you’re discussing your crossdressing with your girlfriend. That will help you to quit altogether. If you care about her more than crossdressing that is. Even if she puts up with it for now, eventually as she learns more about the CD addiction, and what it does to relationships – it will become a serious problem for her. So ask yourself do I love her enough to stop.

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  9. Eric says:

    Lisa, thanks for commenting and for encouraging me. The only thing I’m a little confused about and maybe this is my fault is that she does not “put up with it for now” at all. She hates it and in general I do not do it. But I haven’t grown to hate it the way I hated my masturbation addiction that I also had.

    For CD my biggest problem right now is the desires which are infrequent except for what I’ve mentioned.

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