I wanted to quickly mention several other practical things I have done in the last year or two that have been really helpful and maybe they would be good for some of you to try as well. These are things I have done, some intentionally to help with crossdressing temptations, and some for other normal life reasons, but they have all proved helpful in reducing temptation.
1. Having my wife and I use different closets – Because it was becoming difficult for my wife’s clothes and my clothes to fit all together in one closet, and because in our house we had a spare room with another closet, I moved all of my clothes to the closet in the other room. This has proved very beneficial. Now when I go to the closet and pick out a shirt and tie to wear, I don’t stare at all of my wife’s beautiful dresses and other clothes. In the life of any crossdresser, it is hard to look at a closet with female clothes in it and not recall the hundreds of times he has “borrowed” female clothes from that very closet or a similar one from his youth. Those reminders are not helpful. Not only are they depressing, thinking about the horrible mistakes of my past, but they bring to mind new temptations – the ideas of quickly trying something on that is in that closet. Having my own closet with only my clothes in it has helped to reduce a lot of temptation and reduced the reliving of those regretful memories.
2. The soft/silky inside of suit coats – It is only recently that I decided to stop dressing so casually for my work and I’ve been wearing full suits a lot more often. This is a good thing in itself as it helps me to take pride in my appearance as a man, and enjoy the variety of suits and ties I can wear to look good. But when I bought some new suit coats I realized that many of them have very soft or silky material on the inside. I’m a very sensory person and often been jealous of the silky clothes women get to wear, and I’ve the heard the same thing from countless crossdressers. While this is really such a small thing, it is nice to be able to have that same material in my clothes, but in a manly way. I can can enjoy that fabric knowing that it is normal, not crossdressing, nor even an attempt to bend the rules as to what is normal masculine attire.
3. Getting in Physical Shape – In the last couple years I have started to exercise just for a short time every day. I did this intentionally to be more physically pleasing to my wife, to have better health, and to feel better about myself and my male body. It has done wonders. I’m in great shape, able to run fast and far, play sports well, and I’m starting to get quite a muscular physique, all for only 20-30 minutes a day. I still wonder how much of crossdressing stems from shame about our masculine selves. While I don’t want to argue that we struggle to fit into all the masculine stereotypes in order to heal from crossdressing, I do want to say that being a healthy good looking man is certainly helpful. We don’t have to be superstars, but we should take care of our bodies. And it’s not only about appearance. Exercise helps your body to release good endorphins in a way besides sexual addiction.
4.New haircut – Similar to the above points, I finally got the kind of haircut that I wanted. For years I have hated my haircut and only my wife’s fears of changing it kept me from changing it for so long. It turns out that now even my wife enjoys my new style. I think it makes me look more masculine, but most important it just looks better. Again, it helps me to have a little more self-respect and enjoy my appearance as a man.
With all these points, I’m not advocating that we need to be obsessed with looking good as men. No. But many of us have felt shame about our masculine bodies and appearance and turned to crossdressing. What I’m suggesting is simple. Just learn some basic skills in male grooming, dressing, and exercising. All people should do this anyway, whether men or women. It’s a small thing, but it has helped me a lot. If you are like me, you spent 2 minutes deciding what to wear and getting ready for the day when dressing as a boy or a man. But then while crossdressing you’d spend the entire day trying to painstakingly look good as a woman. I’m suggesting to put that time and effort into looking good as a man. Spend 10-20 minutes instead of 2! Feel free to dialogue if you want further understanding or want to critique what I’ve said.