About Me – Current

I am a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ.  That defines my life.  I live to glorify God and enjoy him.  I look forward to Jesus returning and making this world new, and living with him forever.

I am a man.  I am married to a wonderful wife.  I am a pastor.  I enjoy the ministry very much.  I feel very passionate in my work and get great fulfillment from it.

I have struggled with crossdressing for most of my life, mostly as a fetish, possibly for other psychological reasons as well.  Some years ago I renewed my efforts to give up crossdressing for good, and have been going strong since, though not without periodic struggle.

I am a very deep thinker, and love to think about things in nuanced careful ways.  I like theory and big ideas, more than the details.  I am somewhat of an idealist.  I love studying the Bible, and that shapes my thinking on everything, including this issue of crossdressing.

Since the beginning of September 2011, I stepped up my effort to fight crossdressing and take it more seriously.  I have had very little crossdressing failures since that time.  It is wonderful feeling free!  And I give God all the credit.  Even though it felt like my own effort, I know that it was actually him working in me.  So praise the Lord for what he has done in my life.  It’s wonderful to finally be rid of crossdressing.

Some have questioned why I remain anonymous.  This is a good question (though it puzzles me that it usually comes from crossdressers who are also anonymous).  At some point I envision myself going public and revealing my true identity, but right now I do not think it is the right time.  I’ll let God guide me as to when the time is right.  In the meantime, keep in mind that the things I write about are of a very personal nature and I have revealed even my inner thoughts and past experiences.  I think it should be easy to see why I don’t need my church and all my friends and acquaintances to know all these private (many of them embarrassing) thoughts.  But I share them with you in order to be of help, and many people have thanked me for them.  If you have a problem with me not revealing my name and credentials, you can freely choose to ignore my site!  Preferably though, I would ask that you judge my posts on the content and strength of the arguments, rather than worrying about my background.  This blog is here for your benefit, but I am not claiming that I am a professional expert on these things.  Nor am I setting up this blog as a way to professionally counsel others.  But I hope that you may still find some help from my thoughts and opinions as a fellow traveler who is finding healing from crossdressing.

I go by the name “Thorin.”  Why?  Mostly because before I made this blog I began to comment on other blogs, and it was the name I used.  I originally picked it just because it came to mind quickly as I had just finished reading Tolkien’s “The Hobbit.”  It and the Lord of the Rings are some of my favorite books ever.  So there was a randomness to it.  But I appreciate that it reveals my love of Middle Earth!  I also think I am very much like Thorin in some ways.  I am a leader and have accomplished some great things, but I am also deeply flawed like Thorin and do struggle with pride as he did.  Thorin is a good character because he is realistic.  He is imperfect, as I am also.  I am a sinner, saved by God’s grace.

If you have any other questions for me let me know.

To read more about how I view life because of my faith go here – My Perspective.

 

*Please do not post your email in the body of the comment itself. It is important to protect yourself from spam and potential harassment by never publicly posting your personal information (such as your email address) on this or any other blog. Rest assured that I will keep your email address confidential.

89 comments on “About Me – Current

  1. Jared says:

    I am in my 20’s as well, 27 to be exact. We have some things in common. I am very much an introvert, I enjoy reading and watching sports.

    I have always wanted to go hiking. What part of the country do you live in?

    Like

  2. Joshua says:

    Because surely GOD wants you to bludgeon these feelings to death; effectively killing a part of you, all for the purpose of glorifying HIM? There are better ways to do honor to GOD. I myself am on the path to ministry but I know in my heart that GOD wants me to LOVE myself and everybody else.

    Like

  3. thorin25 says:

    What kind of ministry do you feel led toward? I wonder what you can mean when you talk about not having any idea what the meaning of life is, and saying the Bible is just a book. How can you possibly be thinking about ministry? Unless you mean something other than “Christian” ministry?

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  4. dazza76 says:

    what made you want to stop & how did you manage to get through the temptating times

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  5. thorin25 says:

    hello Dazza. I wanted to stop because I was convicted that crossdressing is sinful and not pleasing to God. Further, I felt like it was ruining my life, making me depressed, feeling dirty, confused, etc. I see it as perversion and didn’t want it in my life. Lots of things have helped me through times of temptation. I encourage you to read my other posts. Feel free to comment more, thanks

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  6. dazza76 says:

    I know these days that cross-dressing is sinful & not pleasing to God, I’ve struggled with it for now 24 yrs of my life, I have tried in the past few yrs to flee from it, I’ve been weak & got back into, but now again, i need to flee from it & reading fron 12 steps to stop

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  7. trimiran says:

    I’m just a young christian boy who enjoys wearing womens underwear. So nice! But a guilty sin, I know! I give up,But I start again! HELP

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  8. thorin25 says:

    Hello Trimiran, glad to see you found my site. I would love to help you in any way that I can. You have made it to the right place, there are many of us struggling with crossdressing, and we’ve been helping each other find healing and victory over this addiction. Check out my email prayer chain page and feel free to join us. Keep reading my posts, and I’ll pray for you right now

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  9. Willium says:

    Did you really stop the addiction? Like have no thoughts on dresses whenever you see them?

    I would also like to find my way back to Jesus Christ, he has been calling me back but sin just keeps dragging me further away from him.

    I have heard about miracles and wonders that Christians have done using the name of Jesus to heal broken bones, restore sight and cure mental illness, would this work on crossdressing minds?

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  10. thorin25 says:

    Hello Willium, thanks for the comment. Yes I really have beat the addiction. I am feeling more and more healed from my broken crossdressing past each day.

    There is a lot I could say right now, and I want to encourage you to go to Jesus, and get crossdressing out of your life. But mainly I will encourage you to keep reading my other blog posts.

    I fully believe God still does miracles today, even crazy stuff like healing people’s diseases, but I think those miracles do not happen very often. I’ve heard of many, but never seen one in my own experience. My healing from my addiction to crossdressing is not something I would call a miracle in that sense. But I do believe God is the one who has given me the strength and motivation to get crossdressing out of my life.

    You ask about my thoughts. Yes once in a while, definitely not all the time like in my crossdressing past, I still have a thought about female clothing, or makeup, or even crossdressing. But there are just thoughts that aren’t real problematic. Even less often, I have an actual desire to crossdress, but those desires are pretty easy to resist, because the larger part of me does not desire it. I feel healed from my addiction but that doesn’t mean I won’t still desire crossdressing once in a while. I just have to control myself and not give in during those random times. See this post – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/02/05/healing-doesnt-mean-no-more-temptations/

    I will pray for you right now Willium. I encourage you to give your life over to Jesus. He has died for you to take the punishment for your wrongdoing before God. All of us have fallen short before God, some of us mainly just in that we have failed to worship Him and have ignored him all of our lives. Crossdressing is just a very small piece. But Jesus took our punishment we deserve and lived the right life honoring to God that we could not live. By having faith in him, having a relationship with him as our Lord and Savior, all of our sins are forgiven, and we can be in right relationship with God.

    Once we have begun this relationship with Christ, he starts transforming us, cutting sins out of our lives, and helping us to live in obedience to God. And we don’t try to live in the right way just to try to please God. We don’t do it to earn anything. Rather we look at Jesus dying on the cross for us for our salvation, and in gratitude, in thanksgiving, we respond to God. And part of our response of thanksgiving for all we have received in Jesus is giving up sins in our lives. And for us, that includes the perversion of crossdressing.

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  11. aw7jc says:

    Hi Thorin. I too am struggling with crossdressing (even crossdressing in public). I am a committed Christian who served in leadership in my previous church and am still in ministry at my current church. I don’t have space hear to give my full story but it is somewhat similar to yours. I went as long as 7 years without any struggle crossdressing or masturbation, but have been dealing with it on and off for the past decade. Honestly I’m at a point where I’ve stopped trying to fight or resist it. I am no longer “white knuckling” the temptation any longer. I will say that less “white knucking” has actually resulted in me doing it more often. Although now I’m spending more time reading his Word, worshiping and spending time in the word and applying the blood of Jesus to my struggle. I will say by focusing more on the true source of my righteousness (the blood of Christ), I’ve started finding that I am able to recover from sin much more quickly and continue what God has called me to do. The more I do what God has called me to do, the less I tend to think about crossdressing. I am still falling into this but believe I am on the right path of depending on Gods grace versus just my effort and will. I will say that one compliction recently occured which does have me a little concered. Recently I ran into a woman at my church (very large church) who helped me at a store that I went crossdressed to the week before. I’m prettly sure recognized me by how she responded to me as my features are very recognizable, crossdressed or not. She didn’t strike me as the condemning or gossiping type but nonetheless this is starting to bring to the forfront to me the possible reality of being exposed. I am currently unmarried and live by myself. I do have an accountability group I attend but I don’t feel close enough to anyone yet to totally open up about my crossdressing and masturbation. I also feel that the Church as a whole puts more of a stigma on Gender variant issues or anything that looks like it could be LGBT related versus conventional sins like porn, alchohol or even drugs (with are most of the issues in my accountability group). I’ve seen the Church be more understanding with these conventional sins and more condeming with issues that are similar to mine. If you have time please pray that I would find a mutually open accountabilty partner that I can trust. Thanks for listening.

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  12. thorin25 says:

    Thanks for the comment aw7jc. I certainly hope you do find a good accountability partner. Perhaps try telling one of the guys of the group you are closest to first. I’ve told friends in the past and it has always gone well. They were so ashamed of their pornography that they held no judgment against me for crossdressing. Telling those guys were some of the best decisions of my life. But you have to start with the right person and really talk through it a long time so they understand it.

    You can also consider joining our email prayer chain – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    If you’ve read much of my site, you’ll see that I think men of God should not have crossdressing in their lives. I think its an addiction that keeps us in harmful bondage and confusion. And I especially think it holds people back who are ministering to God’s people. Once I finally got crossdressing out of my life, I felt the most free and good I’ve ever felt. My ministry in church got so much better. And God started growing me in many other ways spiritually that would never have happened before when so much of my life was caught up with defeating crossdressing.

    I pray that God would convict you that crossdressing is a sin and that he would give you the courage to decide once and for all to get it out of your life. I pray that he would give you joy in the grace and forgiveness and salvation you’ve received through Jesus. And that God would help you to live for him fully out of gratitude for his love for you. I pray that God would guide you to the right man to share this struggle with so you could have real life accountability and encouragement, someone to speak grace into your life. I will pray right now

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  13. aw7jc says:

    Thank you so much for your prayers Thorin. I definitely feel them. I’m at a point where I’m willing to let God change this in me versus me trying to change myself. I believe that I need more than a head knowledge that crossdressing is wrong (I can always reason around it in that realm). I need a Spirit imparted revelation of how He sees it (and I thank you for praying for that). Up until a few months ago I’ve always lived with other people. I believe a lot of my motivation for not crossdressing in the past was driven by the desire to not be exposed and therefore rejected by people close to me who may not understand the true nature of crossdressing. The fear of man always brings a snare which may be part of the reason why now that all the “stops” are removed, this area seems to be coming back with a vengence. Although I have not given up hope as I know sometimes things get worse before they get better and the Word tells me to walk by faith and not by sight (after all God parted the Red Sea to free Isreal when they thought they were at their worst point of defeat). I also believe the enemy works his hardest when we’re closest to our deliverance. I just have to keep seeking God during this time and I believe I will have the victory in this area and I thank you for praying for that.
    God Bless,

    aw7jc

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  14. Mike says:

    I just saw your website, and will read what you have to say as I feel like i need to get rid of my cross dressing desires. Especially since they have gotten really bad recently. Hopefully, ill read something that will help me resist them for good.

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  15. thorin25 says:

    Hi Mike, glad you found my site. I hope some of my posts will help you. Keep commenting and keep in touch. I will pray for you right now that God will give you freedom from crossdressing and take it out of your life. I suggest looking at my email prayer chain page to start, and my page of “most important posts.”

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  16. Joel says:

    What was your big change in September of 2011 that helped you finally be rid of it?

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  17. thorin25 says:

    Hi Joel, thanks for the question. If you are struggling, I hope my story and posts may be of help to you. As you can see from my story, I fought and fought crossdressing but kept failing periodically. The big change was from a few things. 1. Personal growth in my relationship with God which caused me to take life more seriously. 2. Finding other bloggers online and realizing that I am not alone. Getting help from their tips and thoughts. 3. Realizing that I’ve really been lying to myself about the power of crossdressing, thinking that it is impossible to get rid of. I saw other bloggers successfully getting rid of it, and knew that I could do so as well. I stopped lying to myself, crossdressing lost its power, and I got rid of it. 4. Starting up this blog was helpful for me to get out my own thoughts about why I believe crossdressing is wrong. To fail in crossdressing now is tough because I would have to force myself to go against my own beliefs which I’ve now articulated to myself.

    Blessings to you Joel

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  18. BrotherInFaith says:

    hi there,
    i have been struggling with this issue for a long, long time.
    I have been ”fasting” by not giving in to these temptations but this is not a good period of my life, sadly enough. I told God that I would fast every time, but the last 2 times it went totally wrong and by doing so I actually lied to God, which is pretty bad…
    2 people have prayed for me since I have my ”dirty little secret” and the first one told me that I should talk with someone and share my experiences.
    I would be honoured if I could get your email so I could send you a mail once every week or so.

    I would like to hear more from you!

    God bless 🙂

    Like

  19. thorin25 says:

    Hello brother in faith! Very glad to hear from you. I would love to talk to you more as well. First, I encourage you to keep reading my posts and the other sites I have linked to.

    Secondly, we have an email prayer chain that you are welcome to join. Then you can not only email me, but have a whole group of guys who will understand you, love you, encourage you, hold you accountable, and pray for you! Check it out here.
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Just say “sign me up” as a comment on that page, if you want in.

    Like

  20. Amanda says:

    Is it possible that I can email you? I have a couple of questions that I would like to ask you about but email would be easier if possible. Thank you 🙂

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  21. thorin25 says:

    Sure Amanda, I’ll email you.

    Like

  22. pm says:

    Hi there. Thanks for this site. I completely understand why you wish to remain anonymous, and I do too. There may be a time when I do not, as for you, but for now I need to reflect on my sin and ask for God’s grace and healing.

    I also pray that you too will not fall back in to temptation – you have set up a site here where many people look to you for inspiration and guidance; so often we set our leaders up on a pedestal with little or no help, so I think we should also pray that you too are strengthened in your resolve to seek Jesus Christ and not lust.

    I have struggled with crossdressing for about 6 years. Hand-in-hand with that is an addiction to porn and smoking (as a fetish). What shame and damage I have brought upon myself. I estimated I have spent over $2000 on this addiction and ruined my fitness and health that God has given me. All for my own selfish advantage and to reach after something false rather than seeking Jesus. I am so ashamed of myself. All this time I have missed out on witnessing God’s glory and only on my own selfish and deeply harmful lusts.

    Dear Lord, please forgive us for our sinful desires and wayward hearts. Lord, I pray for thorin25. Thanks for his resolve and his site; Lord, guard him from temptation. Lord, please guard us from temptation and help us to want your love and deceitful and selfish form of “love” we think we achieve when we dress and/or look at porn. Lord, please renew a spirit of truth and witness in us, so that we can love people in to a real relationship with Jesus Christ. Please help us as we struggle with this sin, I pray. Lord please keep us from the deceit of our wayward hearts and what the world is telling us is ‘right’ – only You, heavenly father, are right. In Jesus’ name.

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  23. pm says:

    Sorry, typo in the prayer, should read: (can you amend?)

    Dear Lord, please forgive us for our sinful desires and wayward hearts. Lord, I pray for thorin25. Thanks for his resolve and his site; Lord, guard him from temptation. Lord, please guard us from temptation and help us to want your love and **not the** deceitful and selfish form of “love” we think we achieve when we dress and/or look at porn. Lord, please renew a spirit of truth and witness in us, so that we can love people in to a real relationship with Jesus Christ. Please help us as we struggle with this sin, I pray. Lord please keep us from the deceit of our wayward hearts and what the world is telling us is ‘right’ – only You, heavenly father, are right. In Jesus’ name.

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  24. thorin25 says:

    Pm, thank you so much for the comments and the prayer. Sometimes I feel like most of the conversing with people through my blog is with those who disagree with me. I need the encouragement from guys like you! It helps me to keep on doing what I’m doing with this site, instead of just moving on with other things in my life. I am also not immune to temptation or failure myself, so I greatly appreciate your prayers. Sometimes I feel under spiritual attack because the demons know that God is using what I am writing here. They would like to bring me into failure so I give up trying to help others. I appreciate so much your prayers for me, that I would have strength to resist temptation. And I also value prayers for guidance as I write, that God would give me compassion towards crossdressers, that I would be gracious with those who disagree and debate with me, that God would give me time to write, and motivation to do so.

    I hope people don’t put me on a pedestal. I’m just a regular guy. I’m a pastor so I have some theological training, and I have some life experience with this stuff, but that’s about it. And I still do not live perfectly, in life in general, and even in my thoughts from time to time concerning CD crap. I need the prayers, encouragement, and help as well. I’m glad to see you are joining our prayer chain. That is one way that we can all help each other, rather than people seeing only me write. That way people can get prayers and encouragement and advice from other guys too. I’m also hoping that more people will write guest posts for me to put on my blog about this issue.

    Thank you again. Stay in touch.

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  25. thorin25 says:

    PM, I’m so sorry to hear about the damaging struggles you have had. Have you given up these addictions right now, or are you still in the midst? Praying!

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  26. thorin25 says:

    PM, I don’t want to sound too dramatic in my post. Largely crossdressing is a thing of the past in my life, and I only really think about it for purposes of this blog, other than once in a while a fluke with thoughts that I have to resist, or things I have to resist looking at down the rabbit trail of the internet. But once in a long while the temptations do come, and so your prayers are appreciated.

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  27. pm says:

    Thorin25,

    Thanks for the reply. It doesn’t sound too dramatic. Again, thank you so much for this resource you have put up on the web- God is using it; I appreciate this must be a challenge though.

    I have largely given up these addictions. I say ‘largely’ and not wholly, because it has only been two weeks now – although I have thrown _everything_ away – I know that temptation is strong, even the temptation “just” to look at porn etc; and indeed I have thrown things away before. That said, I am resolved not to dress up again. I have been helped by listening to some great Christian talks via podcast on my way to work as I get stuck in traffic; but I am scared at just how much my heart and eyes can wander.

    As for my history: I am a Christian guy, I used to serve actively in my Church; then I moved, the CDing/porn addiction grew, and I felt dishonest about serving in church. So guess which dwindled and stopped? Alas, it was the serving in the church. I had two coexisting sides: being able to lead a bible study, and lusting after porn and self-fulfilment. I also used to be military; so this sin could be considered uncharacteristic – nobody would look at me and expect me to be crossdressing.

    Then about two weeks ago, I had somewhat of a serious awakening as I realised what I was doing was wholly wrong and led to death. The life I have been given is not my life, although I am the steward of it; the life I have been given is God’s life – after all, this must be true because it is God who will judge me; so I need to be living it for Christ and not for sinful desire. How I have fallen short of His glory. The idea I am wasting the life God has given me. What if my (earthly) father gave me something incredibly precious, and I used it in front of him for disgusting and selfish purposes? Wouldn’t he be disappointed? So how is it any different with our Heavenly father?

    So, thanks for letting me come and join your prayer group. Thanks for maintaining and putting time in to this site, which is helping me and others. I am sorry for the attacks you must come under – perhaps the truer face of this sin – and thank you for the love you have to help other people be brought to Christ.

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  28. thorin25 says:

    Pm, well done on 2 weeks! That is a great achievement. Go out to eat or do something else to celebrate! We often celebrate stupid things like football games, or birthday. Celebrate victory over sin, which is far more important.

    However, I am worried that without support in real life, it’s not going to be sustained over a long period. Joining our prayer chain is great. But really I would suggest having at least 1 accountability partner in real life who knows everything about this addiction (in fact just telling someone about this largely diffuses it’s power over you). Having someone who can look you in the eye and ask how you are doing, and what you are doing, is hugely helpful. I am deep debt to my real life accountability partners. Stay in touch. Don’t make the mistake so many guys do. If you fail, and your streak is broken, don’t use that as an excuse to stay away from the prayer chain. If you fail, confess to us so we can encourage you and pray for you, and then start again.

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  29. pm says:

    Hi Thorin25-
    I hear you. I do need accountability. Trouble at the moment is I have no close (church) friends who I can be accountable to. This is not a good state of affairs – after I moved to CA, CDing/porn has really torn me away from the Church, to the point at which I have deliberately kept it at arm’s length so I could continue with my duplicity. I know this must change. I think maybe I need to get to a church where I can join a life group or bible study ASAP to commit to.
    Yours,
    PM

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  30. Mark says:

    i just found your blog after searching on goggle about crossdressing as a sin and I wanted to give my support and also let you know that everything you posted here so far hits the nail right on the head. i also have been a crossdresser for most of my life and as a bible believing individual i want to step this destructive behavior. keep up the great content and thank you for shedding light and truth on this often misunderstood and widely accepted behavior.

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  31. thorin25 says:

    Hi Mark, thank you so much for the comment. I hope you keep reading, and feel free to dialogue with me on any of my posts, no matter how long ago I wrote them. Check out my other posts here – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/
    Also, you are invited to join our email prayer chain, check out the specifics here – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/
    We would be glad to have you!

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  32. Ricardo says:

    Hello pastor, iam new to this site and iam so happy I found this site. But I wanted to talk to u more in person maybe through email if you can get back to me, that would be great.

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  33. thorin25 says:

    Hi Ricardo, I’m so glad you find my site as well! You may be interested in reading some of my past posts, or getting signed up on our prayer chain of like minded guys who can support you and pray for you. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    I’ll send you an email as well.

    Like

  34. jbee says:

    I want to know what you would have to say about helping a man overcome who likes to crossdress and shave his legs and chest mostly because of the physical feeling of a woman’s silky clothes against his skin.. ?

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  35. thorin25 says:

    Hello jbee, thanks for the question. I understand that your situation is probably somewhat different from mine, as I wanted to crossdress for reasons beyond the sensual feeling. But I can relate to the sensual feeling as well and wanted to wear those silkly clothes. In full disclosure, I still love it when my wife wears those silky clothes.

    But when a sense of “feeling/touch” becomes so strong that you are willing to do something so countercultural, you have to start wondering if something is wrong with you. I did come to the conclusion that something was wrong with me and my compulsion (and addiction) to crossdress, was not a good and harmless thing, and was not a normal thing. Beyond the sexual pleasure of it, I realized that I was doing it for deeper emotional reasons. I was looking for stress-relief, comfort, feelings of security and many other feelings. I was looking for those things in objects, in clothing, rather than in God or in other people.

    You long for these silkly touches, but why? Perhaps it goes back to your childhood. Perhaps this sense of touch reminds you of something your past that comforts you. I don’t know.

    I don’t know much about your situation, so you can tell me if I’m wrong. But it sounds like you have an unhealthy attachment, compulsion, addiction to “needing” clothing like this. That in itself should tell you something is wrong. These clothes are in control of you, not you in control of them. Whether or not these clothes are giving sexual pleasure and ejaculation, I still would say what you are doing is not good, and sinful, and i hope that God rescues you from this bondage and addiction

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  36. New Man says:

    Hi Thorin,

    Remember the guy that insulted you and you wife, came back to you telling you I had given up CDing and had rallied myself to your plight? I just wanted to step by, say Hi and tell you I haven t crossdressed since July 2012, so it has been two years now;) Today though, I watched CD porn a bit. It means I need to come back and read this blog. Happily though, no relapse. It wont surprise anyone that it came at a time where I am pretty frustrated with relationships. Its bad, but I have not gone back to the sin. Fellow brothers, healing is possible. You will still get urges from time to time, but you should come back here if you feel you need it. Even after 2 years, I still get them from time to time. It is harder when I take the wheel back from God.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. thorin25 says:

    Yes I remember. 2 years is excellent! Well done! Once again, I invite you to join our private forum where you can receive the regular help and encouragement and prayer that you need.

    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/
    Thank you for your note!

    Like

  38. Joey says:

    Hi Thorin,
    I have a similar story to many here. I have been struggling with cding for may years am a christian and am now in a bad place in my marriage. I guess im still struggling with it being a sin. I have stopped for as along as three years and then I end up coming back to it. It is not really sexual for me but a way of feeling happy and takes my mind off of the stresses of that day. It has become a problem with my wife as just recently told of this after 2 years of marriage and she has threatened to divorce me if I don’t stop. Im interested in knowing emotionally how not cding for a long time has affected you.

    Like

  39. J says:

    i came across this page tonight. I consider myself a heterosexual man that has been in relationships with women in the past. I am successful at work and am one of the top athletes in my area. However I am an introvert with a major issue. I get intense sexual arousal by wearing women’s clothes and have even acted on fantasies in the last few years including having a professional male to female makeover done, dressing up with another crossdresser who is now transitioning to being a woman and we did stuff together including me giving oral sex to him/her and also seeking out and having sex with transsexuals on craigslist. All the advice I look at says that maybe I’m born with it or gender dysorphia. And that’s what the person that’s transitioning tells me as they constantly send me texts. Telling me to give in, that I’m meant to be a woman. Honestly, I don’t want to be a woman and just want to enjoy my life as a guy. The fantasies always get me and mess with my mind, but when I went to Florida for a week last month with family, I had zero thoughts of this. I enjoyed the vacation and company of my family and didn’t once pleasure myself or think about what it would be like to be a woman or walk around wearing heels. It made me think that I would like to find a great girl, settle down and start a family which I started working on when I came back. I met a girl online, we went on a couple of dates which I think went quite well but then she told me she didn’t want to see me anymore. So now that gives me doubt like if I’m good enough to even be a man..Sorry for the long post, but I’m just venting and hurting a lot. Say a prayer for me. I’d appreciate it.

    Like

  40. thorin25 says:

    Joey I highly encourage you to quit crossdressing even if it is not sexual for you. It’s still confusion and bondage and an unhealthy attachment to clothing, instead of getting your emotional needs met through the healthy ways that God intended, such as through other people (like your wife). https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/12/21/crossdressing-without-sexual-component/

    Once I gave up CD, my life became much more full of joy, much more free of stress, guilt, shame, identity confusion, fear, etc. It was one of the best things to ever happen in my life emotionally.

    Like

  41. thorin25 says:

    J, I will certainly pray for you. Glad you came here and posted. I have so many posts to read that it may seem overwhelming, but I have written alot on why crossdressing is harmful and destructive and good to quit (even if you are not a Christian). This post summarizes my thoughts and links to some other posts – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/

    For me life is far better without crossdressing. And making yourself into a fake and (probably grotesque looking) woman, is a very cheap and poor substitute to having a living and breathing wife who can show you affection, talk to you, have real feminine beauty, disagree with you, challenge you, enjoy life with you, have sex with you, etc. etc. etc. Relationships are hard work. But they are what God intended us to have. Having sex with ourselves, does that really seem like what life is all about? Does that seem like abundant life?

    You can stop this addiction before it gets even more out of control. You can get help. You can stop. We are here to help you if you want to join our support group. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    I actually believe you could have been born with these feelings, but that doesn’t mean you should act on them, no more then someone who is born with feelings of pedophilia. We have to control our desires.
    Sorry about your bad date. Remember, relationships take a lot of hard work, and don’t expect the first woman you go out with to end up falling in love with you.

    Maybe take some time to give up crossdressing first, enjoy living as a man (without a wife), and learn what it means to live as a healthy man. Maybe that will also help you to become more attractive and ready to date a real woman

    Praying for you

    Like

  42. kay says:

    Glad to see you’re keeping going with this blog, Thorin. I am a believer in leadership in my church, and have struggled with CDing off and on since I was 13. It is not sexual for me consciously, though there is some kind of sexual connection in my subconscious, which surfaces very occasionally and which I despise. I do not get any kind of turn on from wearing any kind of female clothing, in fact when I do I just go about my day as usual, with the exception of looking at myself in the mirror. As a visual person this of real interest to me as I can be quite passable, but in finding your site here I have presently stopped to reconsider the whole situation. I will join the email prayer group and see where the Lord leads.

    Like

  43. thorin25 says:

    Hi Kay, thank you for all of your comments. I do believe quite strongly that CD can be just as harmful, and just as sinful, for those who CD without masturbation. It’s still gender confusion, it’s still deception, it’s still addiction that controls your life. And when CD is condemned in both the Old Testament and New Testament, it never says its condemned for only sexual reasons. See my posts on Deut. 22 and 1 Corinthians 11 for starters.

    Glad to have you join our prayer group. I’ll send you an email. In the meantime, I hope you will keep reading my blog posts as I talk much about many kinds of crossdressing and don’t believe that most of my posts should be restricted to being only about crossdressing for sexual reasons. It will be interesting to hear your viewpoints, whether you agree or disagree. I’m sure we can have some good discussion as you are now at this point of reconsidering the issue.

    Thank you for your honesty. In our group you will not be condemned for any differing viewpoints and we will support you as you mull over this issue afresh.

    Like

  44. Fleur says:

    Hi, I thank you for your website here. It seems very much inline with the beliefs of myself and my husband. We are born again Christians. My husband has ‘come out ‘ that he has cross dressing desires and has cross dressed. He is walking with the Lord to fight this and is going all out for full and long term deliverance. God has been so good to us because he has put a few precious people there to help us, one a pastor ( not of our own church, but another local church) to be accountable to. We are on a journey indeed! My main enquiry is to ask if there is anything out there for wives. I have felt very affected by what is going on with my husband. For some wives I know its a deal breaker for the relationship. I’m staying because I love my husband and because he is fighting it. There needs to be more for wives and with a Christian perspective… Perhaps a page on here? Just putting the idea out there as I have so far found nothing but ‘mainsteam’ information. It would be wonderful to know other wives experinces and how they coped, the feelings they had, what they did right or wrong etc.

    Liked by 1 person

  45. CD Wife says:

    Hello Fleur,There is indeed a link on here under pages Wives of Crossdressers chat here. Also please check out http://cdwives.tripod.com/id9.html and also do take the time to look at the information pages there. Welcome i’m glad you are looking to take care of yourself and seeking knowledge which is the way forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  46. Andrew says:

    Hello Fleur, I am so happy that you found us and as you search through this blog I know that you & your husband will find many articles that will support your desire to follow Jesus rather than stay in the bondage that is CD.
    Please let your husband know that we also have an email prayer chain that will introduce him to others that have walked where he has walked, done what he has done and thought what he has thought. I look forward to hearing more from both of you in the future. Welcome

    Blessings
    Andrew

    Liked by 1 person

  47. thorin25 says:

    Welcome Fleur! God is so good. Your husband knows the Lord and that is why God is working in him, giving him the desire for change, freedom, and sanctification. Your husband can find freedom because he recognizes CD as sin. Unfortunately it seems most CD husbands don’t reach that first critical point. You are in a very blessed position Fleur. I hope you will continue to listen to, support, encourage, and help your husband in this fight!

    Here is the link to the prayer chain:
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Like

  48. Matt says:

    Hi, I am 15 years old and am part of a strong Christian family. I have being struggling with cross-dressing temptations for two years and have let into those temptations several times. I fully realize how horrible my sins are and am desperate to stop before I fall fully into these sins and it is even harder to stop them. I have found your site very encouraging and helpful. Thank you for all your help, In Christ Matt

    Like

  49. James says:

    I’m 19 years old and feel that my crossdressing is getting out of hand. It started off around my pre-teen years. I would simply wear women’s underwear, and it was arousing to me. As time went on I discovered the Internet and become infatuated with “boy to girl transformations”. Eventually, that didn’t excite me anymore. Over the years it has continued to progress further and further. I feel like I am aroused all the time, and I need to think about crossdressing. I am currently at the point now that when I’m aroused, I consider being with men and being submissive. I want to completely crossdress and go out in public doing sterotypical female things. I don’t see how I could ever stop these impulses because the desire is so strong. I have tried to control it but I can’t. It literally drives me crazy if I don’t masturbate for a whole day. I just want to be able to redirect my sexual arousal correctly. I’ve longed to have a girlfriend, but have yet to have one due to these desires. I believe it has caused me to be quite introverted and maybe socially anxious. I’m unsure about my future.

    Like

  50. thorin25 says:

    You have now seen the escalation that can happen and usually does with crossdressing. It is the same way pornography can escalate into newer and different types of strange fetishes or even acting out in real life through prostitution or rape. See these links for more info on how these addictions form and how they escalate –
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/how-sexual-addictions-destroy-our-lives/
    http://yourbrainonporn.com/reboot_your_brain

    Lots of info at that second site, explore it.

    Right now you might feel futility in trying to give up crossdressing. It’s powerful, like a drug. It feels like you could never quit. But you CAN! You have freewill. You can choose right now to stop crossdressing, and with the right support and help you can really quit.

    You can start here – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/

    And then keep reading other posts on my site. The more you read and understand, the more tools you will have to fight the addiction, the more you will understand where these desires came from, and how to heal from them. There is real hope for change!

    You could consider joining our prayer group for accountability, prayer, advice, and support –
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    I will pray for you right now that God uses this as a new beginning in your life to change your life, draw you to him, and break you out of this addiction

    Like

  51. K says:

    James, in a week I will have been free from CDing for a year. It’s not that I don’t think about it, but I took the step of getting involved with the prayer group here, and committed to researching the issue further. I believe The Lord honored that step by actually removing the desire on my part to cross dress. I pray that you can make that kind of small step forward too, just admitting that you have the issue, and that you want to make a change, and ask The Lord for His help, but be ready and willing to follow His leading instead of your desires. It is possible, and He is faithful, and just (1 John 1:9).

    Like

  52. CD Wife says:

    Happy Christmas Thorin and everyone. May you all do well in the New Year.

    Like

  53. I am the author of one of the articles on sex addiction in your “Resources” and I work with many CD’s. I would appreciate if you could give me a link to http://www.sextreatment.com as a therapist who has extensive experience working with the compulsion of crossdressing. Thank you. Dorothy Hayden, LCSW

    Like

  54. thorin25 says:

    Thank you for stopping by Dorothy. I really appreciate it. I would indeed like to link to both your website and your porn no more blog. They look to be very helpful resources for this community of men. I will try to do that in a couple days, but I’m going to read a bunch of your stuff first, so that I can intelligently recommend your sites as I share them. But I will do so as soon as possible.

    Have you read any of my posts? I’d be interested to see if you concur with my thoughts. Though I write a lot from my Christian perspective, I think much of what I say has value to the non-Christian crossdresser as well.

    Some of my longer posts that might interest you:
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2011/12/11/crossdressing-is-like-pornography/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/giving-pastoral-care-to-a-crossdresser-or-transgendered-person/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/01/07/crossdressing-is-about-envy/

    Full list here – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/

    Like

  55. Jman says:

    Hey Thorin, this has been an ongoing issue for me since puberty, I felt so alone and fearful if the potential consequences to my actions. I must compliment you on how well you articulate your blog’s, it real helps me define my own problems, and helps me vent my issues (at least to myself). The first step is admitting you have a problem. The second step is knowing in detail just what that problem is. Thanks, I will continue to read through your posts daily as I find them enlightening and reassuring.

    Like

  56. thorin25 says:

    Jman, thank you for the encouraging comment. I encourage you to keep reading through all of my posts, as well as other good articles:
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/important-helpful-links/

    I’m sorry you feel so alone. In reality, there are thousands of us. And hundreds of us, at the very least, who are actually trying to fight the addiction and give up crossdressing, and find wholeness and peace in our personality and sexuality.

    Please consider joining our prayer and accountability group if you would like more help in giving up crossdressing –
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Like

  57. Greg says:

    Is there a active group I can join I don’t crossdress (grew a beard) but still struggle and fail every week it seems by viewing others who crossdress

    Like

  58. thorin25 says:

    Indeed, many of us have struggled with the very same thing. Don’t feel alone. You are not nearly as unique as you might feel. You are in the right place. I’m sure God has led you here. We do have an active group. Read the description, and if you are interested, make a comment to let me know that you want to join and I’ll sign you up – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Like

  59. Fighting Back says:

    I have read your blog and it resonates very strongly with me. I have crossdressed on and off most of my life. It is a fetish, never wanted to transition, I am not transgender. It is a sexual release. I always feel guilt and shame immediately afterwards and almost rip ‘my’ clothes off. I say ‘my’ because I feel it is another person who shares my sould and body. But it it IS me and I have to deal with it. And you are right – if it makes you feel this way then it is not good for you. And it needs to stop. The CD community is supportive and courageous. But the advice over so many years – accept, it is not a sin, embrace it and rid yourself of the guilt – has not worked, and has probably kept me going. The CD community is supportive and courageous. But the advice over so many years – accept, it is not a sin, embrace it and rid yourself of the guilt – has not worked, and has probably kept me going. For me it was the wrong advice. So I say, if you feel bad about this, and it makes you guilty and feel disgust or shame soon after dressing and probably masturbating to release, it is not good for you and is silently destroying you. As a fetish this is a deep urge, and becomes an addiction like any other, in the way that I have experienced. It is very hard to conquer it on your own, and the nature of the addiction keeps it locked away out of shame and disgust with oneself. If you are genuinely transgender, accept it and come out to your family and friends. For that person also merit respect and will be ruined by obssessive concealment and the way that the fetish side can take over. Every addiction site says you cannot conquer it alone. They are right. Come out and talk to your wife/lover/girlfriend. Do not hide it. At the very least talk to a friend you trust, begin work with their support. Then you might be able to work through it and find a way out.

    I have hidden this for years and at the point of nearly beating it, aided by God coming back into my life, I slipped up in a moment of weakness. I had to tell my wife. She is assailed with hate and confusion and fear, facing the fact of years of deceit and concealment by me. Obssessive and addictive crossdressing and the related growth in porn addiction has ruined my relationship now to the point that I may well lose all that I have worked for and love. In my case it may be too late but I am still trying and succeeding. Please pray for me as I pray for all others in this situation.

    Like

  60. thorin25 says:

    “Fighting back” thank you for your post. I’m sorry for what you are going through and the terrible consequences you are not experiencing with your wife because of your sin. No matter whether you deserve it or not, it is very painful what you are going through. We reap what we sow the Bible says. There are consequences to our sin, even when we are forgiven by God. The best you can do is repent, confess, thank God for his forgiveness, and learn holiness, patience, and love through the suffering and consequences you go through. Allow the hardship to shape you and help you to become the person God wants you to be.

    But I will certainly pray that God saves your marriage! I will pray right now

    Please think about joining our prayer group, for help and encouragement and prayer – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Like

  61. Tony says:

    I would say grow facial hair is the best bet, i know longer dress well barely ever. I still still struggle with the feminine side of other men but i’m working on it. Here’s a perfect example during man overboard drills on a ship the man overboard is always instructed to not pay attention to the waves (Sin) but pay attention to the rescuer (lock eyes with Jesus) God wants to forgive, if you fail and fail again brush yourself off and go back to God once again!

    Like

  62. CD wife says:

    Hello fighting back i would like to invite your wife to join us. Maybe this will be difficult if you are sharing here and i respect that.But the offer for her is there. She will need people who understand at this time in her life Alanon and COSA are wonderful as well for the partners.

    Like

  63. Fighting Back says:

    I have been away on work – during this time I wrote my story – and for the first time spent the entire time away without dressing or masturbating over an image of some sort. This is the result of some hard work on my addiction, and the support of an old friend who has brought me closer to God as part of my fight-back and healing process. Reading these comments is moving and inspiring. Thank you. I am now home, it is Easter, our young adult children are with us for the holiday. We are getting along OK, eating together, chatting. At moments it even feels like everything is fine. But my wife is still saying the marriage is over, that she cannot risk being betrayed, ‘sabotaged’, again. I understand all she says, that in fact it is not really the crossdressing, but the sense of years of deceit, and what that has done to our relationship. I have faced myself many times in the years I have been doing this, hated the person looking back at me in the mirror, and wanted, tried to stop. Facing it as an addiction and not as a transgender or sexuality issue has made a huge difference. I do believe there is a difference between being genuinely ‘trans’, and the fetishistic kind of CD behaviour. I am aware of which I am, and I am beating it, finally. Telling my wife has been a shock, and I have been torn open by endless ‘if only she had not seen that image’ anguish, convinced that I was beating it and could then pack it away in a box forever and focus on my marriage. But I now know that telling her about my CD life, albeit provoked by a need to explain what she saw -no porn in fact, just a pretty trans person nicely dressed – has helped me to bring the two sides of who I am together. This is why I know I am not trans, and that I do not want to ‘come out’ so that I can continue to dress and explore who I really am. It has helped me understand the fetishistic nature of what I have been doing. This hurts, and the ‘real me’ now has to face the other me and what he/she has done to us over many years. There is forgiveness to be given and received here too, The support of my old friend has been critical and continues to be. So does reading your comments about my story. To share and work together is so important. CD Wife, I would like to take up your suggestion but am certain she will say no. How do I address this with her? But in the meanwhile, all I can do is to pray and heal myself, and trust in God that she begins to see and believe in the changes that are taking place.

    Like

  64. CD wife says:

    I’m sorry you think you can read your wife’s mind. You could just tell her we are here for her and like everything else the rest is up to her.This is a rare support system for those affected by Crossdressing so that’s why i suggested making it known to her.
    My prayers are with your wife and indeed all on here.

    Like

  65. thorin25 says:

    Will continue praying, thanks for the update. Do keep treating it like an addiction, and continue the good fight!

    Like

  66. thorin25 says:

    I agree this is a great resource for your wife. I also want to say this, keep working on healing from your addiction. Give your wife time. As she sees you healing and changing, she might change her response. Perhaps the marriage can still be saved. Just take it 1 day at a time. She has been deeply shocked and hurt. She needs time to heal too, she is going through her own pain

    Like

  67. CD wife says:

    I like the idea of “don’t tell me show me” meaning no secrets ,all passwords shared with wife, no secret phones,no secret stashes anywhere,total honesty,working some sort of program daily. And accepting perhaps one slip and you are out and that will be up to your wife and how much you value her.
    And giving your wife as much time as she needs to regain some sort of trust.

    Like

  68. nosillasite says:

    Finally!! I found a place to vent.. I am a wife of a crossdresser and have been doing counseling for years.. he told me the pantyhose fetishes he had in the beginning of our marriage but didn’t think anything of it… became involved in our kids lives, no sex toward really no intimacy.. then I’d find his pantyhose, lingerie, heels, breast enhancements and get pissed off.. well now our kids are in there teenage years and I’ve been really hurting sexually.. we haven’t had sex in a lot of years and it’s been killing our marriage to the point of me having an emotional online affair always looking for some type of validation ,, I believe I fell in love with this guy although unhealthy and am still getting over him… we got close enough to almost meeting in person but never did.. I have since repented and although my husband knew about it, he didn’t blame me because of his lack of intimacy.. he was just angry that I gave him more time then my husband… we have completed 6 months of marital counseling until it got to the point that my husband agreed to go to a sex therapist while I am still working with my therapist. I tried to accept it.. envisioning my husband in drag, yet finding it appalling without me expressing that… it was very hard for him to finally come out to tell me he feels best as a woman in the bedroom.. (this is why we don’t have sex).. My husband and I get along GREAT!! he is so damn funny and a great friend!! he is a wonderful provider and excellent father.. but not having sex for 10 plus years isn’t biblical either.. we are both Christian.. I am trying to accept and pray for him daily.. we are at a standstill and I know the addict mentality being I was 2 years sober from alcohol addiction and have just recently celebrated 21 years of sobriety.. I listen to him since he’s been going to counseling and I haven’t seen him so emotional since he’s “come out” and expressed to me how he loves how women get attention.. how he loves to feel like a woman.. But I am afraid down the road it’s not going to be good.. I don’t want to cheat again being that’s not serving Jesus, but I have a lot of sexual energy being perimenopausal and no where to go with it.. My counselor who is Christian is guiding me through a lot with a lot of prayer.. I don’t know what else to say but I do know I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it, and I really don’t think I can condone this.. HELP.. other CD wives like me I would love to have prayer group with.. Thanks!

    Like

  69. nosillasite says:

    I want to correct my comment that I was sober for 2 years when we met in church of all places…and have since been in recovery which I’ve just celebrated 21 years of sobriety….

    Like

  70. thorin25 says:

    nosillasite, you are in the right place. Firstly, I will pray for you and your husband right now, especially that God brings him to deep conviction and strong repentance at his sin and addiction. He is in the midst of delusion caused by longtime addiction. Rationalizing his behavior.

    Secondly, you might want to comment here to get more discussion with other wives – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/

    Third, please try to get your husband to this site, to read what I’ve written, maybe he will come to realize crossdressing isn’t all he thought it was, and he can realize why it’s destructive and a confusion. He could start with a post like this – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/

    Don’t condone his behavior. If he wants to stay with you, he needs to repent, fight against this behavior, find healing from it, and learn to be attracted to you instead of the woman he creates of himself. It is not an easy road, but it is also a very possible road if he is willing to put the work in. Please try to get him to this site, if he has an open mind and is not fully hardened in his heart, he may yet turn and change his mind once reading what I’ve written in my posts

    Like

  71. CD wife says:

    Welcome nosillasite to this forum we understand where you are coming from.
    Thorin tells the CDs to treat this like an addiction and i would like to suggest you do the same. I see you are familiar with the addict mind and from what you have said” i didn’t cause it i can’t cure it” ect you have an understanding of Alanon philosophy so may i suggest you do what i do which is attend Alanon (or COSA) where you will receive support and learn what is needed to do.Please note you will not be able to talk about the Crossdressing but you will come to learn Alanon is all about you.In COSA you can because it’s about Sex Addiction.
    I know the pain of the lack of intimacy there is nothing like it so my prayers are with you. It’s a very lonely place to be. And then the problems of if there is ever intimacy again you never know where their head is .
    Please post on the Wives side and keep in touch. Have a nice day and try to do something lovely for you X

    Like

  72. CD wife says:

    “He is in the midst of delusion caused by long time addiction. Rationalizing his behavior.”Thorin i understand this in theory but just can’t get my head around it. It’s such a difficult concept for us partners of any addiction.

    Like

  73. nosillasite says:

    To Thorin, I have read it all,,everything you’ve posted and it’s amazing and congratulate you on your recovery so to speak… I don’t know how to show him this.. I don’t know where to begin.. I don’t want to come across like the “condemning wife” which shows my co dependency.. He understands it’s wrong and fights within himself and is a follower of Jesus so I don’t know why I feel I can’t share this with him. help.. Thanks! Sometimes I think while he knows I’ve strayed from the marriage and have repented that he has a justification and may bring that up.. I don’t know.. Thoughts.. Thanks!

    Like

  74. thorin25 says:

    Just say something like – “I found this really interesting website and community of people who believe crossdressing is not healthy, and they are trying to stop it. They write some really interesting things. Would you be willing to read some of it and tell me what you think? Even if you end up disagreeing, try to have an open mind and hear out what they have to say. You might find it helpful. I would appreciate if you would do this for me, and if you want me to read anything on crossdressing from a different place, I can read that while you read this”

    Liked by 1 person

  75. thorin25 says:

    CDwife, I know it’s hard to fathom, from the outside people look almost crazy. But when you are in the throes of a sin like this, you can actually believe that your rationalizations make sense and that you aren’t doing anything wrong. That’s why often when wives challenge their husbands on their CD behavior and make serious the consequences, many husbands end up changing, it snaps them back to reality, and they can fight it and win. Seen that many times already since starting up this blog. When we encourage wives, as you do, to not give in to the behavior, and to tell their husbands its not acceptable, many husbands, especially the Christian husbands, will repent and change.

    Like

  76. nosillasite says:

    Thorin, Thanks a million!! I will try that at the right time with God’s help…. You can’t imagine how much this means to me that I found this page… Sometimes you feel truly alone in all of this… Thank You 🙂

    Like

  77. CD wife says:

    Thank you Thorin i will remember the words “, you can actually believe that your rationalizations make sense and that you aren’t doing anything wrong” when i go into “confused mode” !! But yes we must not accept unacceptable behaviour and not enable.

    Like

  78. CD wife says:

    Thorin i have come back to say another thank you for this explanation. I know all the theory but for us i can’t stress enough how difficult it is to understand. I remember in a joint AA Alanon meeting i was asking a lot of questions and it was said to me don’t try and understand it the day you do you will be in our room and not yours.
    But the simple way you have explained it to me about the rationalizations i now “get it” so i’m sure God spoke to me through you.
    What a gift this site is . Thank you once again Thorin. You will never know how many you help i’m sure it’s a huge amount !

    Like

  79. thorin25 says:

    Thank you CDwife, I appreciate the encouragement!

    Like

  80. nosillasite says:

    So I said what Thorin25 suggested and he is open to reading your thoughts Thorin, however it is hard for him to do this till I asked him if he would do it for me.. He replied yes.. Happy yet I know I need to stay strong, vigilant, tolerant, patient which will be hard to do.. I cannot lie.. This is when I know I need the strength of Father GOD.. Thanks..

    Like

  81. nosillasite says:

    Thorin, I have to ask you your advice.. I mean when you were going through this, your experience only, what made you stay with your wife if you weren’t that into her, rather into yourself? I mean, maybe that’s why I strayed because I didn’t think he was into me, and still isn’t if he is “struggling” with this, so why should anything matter between us?

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  82. thorin25 says:

    Nosillasite, CD was never the big issue in my marriage. My wife has little to no attraction to me and little to no desire to have affection or sex with anyone. I have been and am still always attracted to my wife, which has caused me so much pain, especially when I’ve wanted her more than CD but could not have the feelings returned. However, our marriage is very strong. Why?

    1. We both were committed to obeying God above all else, even if it meant our pain and suffering. We believe our relationship with him is most important. So divorce was always out of the question.

    2. We both firmly believe in God’s sovereignty, and that he has a good plan and works for our good even in suffering (Rom. 8:28, story of Joseph in Genesis, etc.). That has been a bedrock in our marriage. And we have seen the blessings God has rained down on us partly because of our obedience (his will is always more fulfilling than sinning). But mainly because has used suffering in our marriage for good, to make us more holy, more patient, more loving, more dependent on him, more focused on eternal life, learning how to serve one another, give up our wants for the other. Our shared suffering and commitment has actually given us quite a happy marriage even with all of our problems. We are great friends, share all of our most intimate secrets with each other, our great partners in ministry, and have a very loving marriage in our own way, even though the romance isn’t there as we might want it to be. We have sex regularly, my wife’s way that she chooses to serve me doing what she knows is right in marriage, and I in turn serve her, caring for her needs, doing things for her, staying chaste, etc.

    You should not tolerate your husband’s sin. But at the same time, I would tell you not to become unfaithful yourself, and not to run away from marriage so quickly (though divorce could become necessary at a certain point if he remains unfaithful). The purpose of marriage, which will change everything if you can internalize this, the purpose is to make you more holy and closer to God, not to make you happy. Happiness is only a secondary goal of marriage.

    Put God first, his glory, and his will and his Kingdom, put your happiness second. This is a message antithetical to the message of our culture, and perhaps some of the people who comment here might criticize me for saying it. But the Bible says clearly to put God first, and him only, and if we put anything else first, even ourselves, we are making an idol.

    Furthermore, the Bible makes clear that true happiness is only found in God and his will. When we go off and do our own thing, it might make us feel happy for a time, but it is ultimately not fulfilling.

    Even with the pain I’ve gone through, I have no regrets at all about staying faithful to my wife, nor about staying married. I can see how God has used our marriage to help us grow and to bless so many other people through us. I would do the same again.

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  83. nosillasite says:

    Thank You so so much……

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  84. CD wife says:

    I have just been thinking about your comment about an emotional affair. I was at a very famous addiction rehab in my country attending the family meetings as the wife of a Crossdresser and porn addict. I was told every time he masturbated over himself dressed as a women or with porn he was committing adultery.
    I didn’t understand what that meant at the time in fact it was a long time before i understood this. I put that down to my low self esteem. But i understand now every time he “dressed” or watched porn it was an event that could have been spent with me giving and receiving pleasure a gift from God. Indeed (modern technology aside) the world would stop reproducing if every man did this and spent as much time as your husband and mine did alone with their hand !!
    The feelings you have desiring sex with your husband are perfectly normal what isn’t normal is your husband denying what should be a natural thing between two people who love each other.
    Please believe me you deserve so much more in a relationship.

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  85. CD wife says:

    Thorin in the Christian wedding ceremony (Church of England) the Priest says as part of the wedding vows …The gift of marriage brings husband and wife together
    in the delight and tenderness of sexual union
    and joyful commitment to the end of their lives.
    It is given as the foundation of family life
    in which children are [born and] nurtured
    and in which each member of the family,in good times and in bad,
    may find strength, companionship and comfort,
    and grow to maturity in love.

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  86. nosillasite says:

    Please tell me are you from England??? My PASSION is to visit England.. Anyway, I have to agree with everything said here.. Right on CD WIFE.. When we got married I used the “Princess Diana” song walking down the aisle instead of the traditional “Here comes the bride” .. Perhaps this should’ve been our vows.. oy vay!

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  87. CD wife says:

    Oy vay indeed ! Yes i’m from England and if you would like to visit you will be made very welcome by me. X
    PS Do you mean the Elton song or Trumpet Voluntary i think it was played at her wedding ?

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  88. Zack says:

    Thorin, I have seen many websites that have sprung up selling pantyhose to men. Some sites really do sell pantyhose sized,packaged, and sold specifically to men. Why would it be wrong to wear those pantyhose sold to men. Activeware or Comfilon as it was called manufactures hosiery of different types for men. It is not advertised as a cross dressing site. It doesn’t even sell the pantyhose for men with the so called “comfort sleeve”. Ebay has sellers and I think Amazon has sellers that sell pantyhose with the disgusting “comfort sleeve”. I’m not talking about those things that have gone to far in what is appropriate. Also manufactures like Adrian and Emillo Cavallini sell pantyhose made to fit men and are marketed to men-not with that digusting “comfort sleeve”. Why can’t men enjoy the comfort of wearing pantyhose made for men? Some women sure seem to enjoy the comfort they get from wearing men’s loose fitting t shirts and loose jeans made and marketed to women.Remember Deuteronomy 22:5 is not just for men but also applies to women. Also the first part of the verse indicates that articles pertaining to men should not be found on women in addition to men’s clothing. Men’s articles could be in today’s terms a drill,saw,handcuffs used in law enforcement, ,military gear like m-16, helmet,camo field clothing used in battles. What do you think?

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  89. thorin25 says:

    Zack, it’s all about motivation. Why do you want to buy it? Because you need pantyhose to keep you warm? Or because you identify pantyhose with femininity, and the clothes comfort you, or arouse you, and therefore you are rationalizing its okay to buy these because they are made for men?

    Besides the motivation factor, there are also sites selling bras and panties , advertising that they are for men. Does this make them really for men and therefore mens clothing? no.

    Ask yourself, what is your real motivation. I highly doubt your preoccupation with pantyhose is simply because they feel good. If that’s all it was, you would not be so desperate to find a way to buy them. If you want to rationalize you can, but I would say, stay away! It’s not right for you, and is even sinful, it will only keep you in addiction

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