Crossdressing demands sacrifice of self

I have been thinking recently about how a crossdressing addiction makes so many demands on us.  It consumes us and enslaves us, just as all idols and addictions do.  What I’ve seen in other crossdressers, and in my past experiences, is that the more you give in to the demands that the crossdressing addiction makes on you, the more you lose your sense of self, your real identity.  You feel like you are gaining something in the crossdressing, but you are also losing something at the same time.  You gain the false persona while losing your real persona.  Let me explain.

Men and women are different and look different.  So the more you give in to the crossdressing addiction to try to look and act like a woman, the less you look and act like yourself as a man.  Take some obvious examples.  When a crossdresser is new in the addiction, it might be limited to simply wearing female underwear or clothes once in a while, for comfort or for masturbatory purposes.  But as the addiction grows, so do the demands that the addiction makes on the person.  Soon the man is willing to shave off his beard, perhaps viewed as a small sacrifice for the sake of the woman he creates when crossdressing.  But it’s still a loss, and perhaps it is to his wife as well.  Then maybe he stops lifting weights.  He enjoys having good muscles and a good body as a man.  But since he likes being a woman part-time, he stops lifting.  He wants a small figure.  Another loss to his identity and life as a man.

If the addiction escalates, more losses come.  Perhaps he starts keeping his hair longer, which he realizes looks silly while being himself as a man, another loss, but it’s worth it because during crossdressing episodes he can style it like a women’s haircut.  Perhaps he starts to shave his legs and keeps it a secret from others, or makes excuses to his wife about why it’s more “comfortable.”  No more wearing shorts or playing ball with the guys.  Another loss.  As the addiction continues, you know the rest of what happens.  Soon there are painted nails that have to be hidden.  Soon there is more and more time away from male friends, and from the wife he loves so he can live out his crossdressing fantasies.  Soon he starts eating a lot less to lose weight to try to look smaller and more feminine.  And if things continue, hormones begin to mess up his body, and eventually a full series of surgeries come.  Now he has lost his male self completely, utterly mutilated and erased, the biggest loss.  And on top of that, he may have lost his wife and family and job in the process, all for the sake of giving in to the demands of the addiction.

If we are honest, we know this is how crossdressing works.  Thankfully I never went anywhere near what I described, but the basic concept was there for me.  When addicted, I sacrificed many things in myself to feed the addiction.  And the demands are endless.  In fact, even once you start living as a woman, even after you’ve had surgery, there are always more surgeries to consider, more treatments to try, more habits to make, more skills to learn, to try to overcome the male body and mind that keeps asserting itself and trying to look and act as much like a woman as possible.  It’s an addiction that never completely satisfies, and for whatever meager rewards it offers, it takes much more than it gives.

I’ve tried to take some time to compare crossdressing addiction to my marriage.  The reason I compare them is that for many of us the false created female persona is a replacement for our wives.  She becomes the one we lust after in the mirror and the one we spend time with, the one that sexually satisfies us, the one that satisfies our longing to connect with the feminine.  When I compare the two I see this.  They both require sacrifice but in different ways.  Crossdressing demands that I sacrifice my identity, my real self, and much of my time and perhaps my family besides.  Marriage requires hard work and sacrifice and compromise to be sure, but it does not demand that I sacrifice my sense of self.  To the contrary, the more in love I am with my wife, the more time we spend together, the more I feel like myself.  I can be fully and complete male enjoying time with the full and complete female who I’m married to.  And marriage brings out the best of my traits, and even helps me to improve myself.  The only “losses” could be things like free time.  But I don’t lose myself.  But crossdressing demands that I put my male self and my male self’s desires, and my male self’s money, and my male self’s body, to death in order to feed the needs of the false female persona.

Can men who are pro-crossdressing admit this?  If you want to say crossdressing should be embraced, then say so.  But can you admit that it comes at a huge cost to your sense of self?

This is the nature of idols.  They demand sacrifice.  Crossdressing demands that you make cuts and losses from your male identity.  I’ve written on idolatry here – Crossdressing can become idolatry.  I highly recommend you read that post if you haven’t, or read it again.  Pastor Tim Keller says – “An idolatrous attachment can lead you to break any promise, rationalize any indiscretion, or betray any other allegiance, in order to hold on to it. It may drive you to violate all good and proper boundaries. To practice idolatry is to be a slave.” “An idol is something we cannot live without. We must have it. Therefore it drives us to break rules we once honored to harm others, even ourselves, in order to get it.

I cannot proclaim a complete removal of my desire to crossdress or even a perfect record.  But I can proclaim that I am no longer addicted to crossdressing.  I am freed from that addiction.  So I can live for God and for my desires as a man, rather than putting myself to death for the sake of a foolish addiction.  If you are struggling and this post has convicted you, there is hope for change!  I and the community here are ready to help you.  You can enjoy this freedom from crossdressing also!  There is still time before you lose yourself completely.  Post here and I’m ready to pray for you and help you!

John 8:34-36 –

34 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35 Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.


Desiring God Articles On Pornography

Today I’d like to share some helpful articles about pornography.  Of course, these articles give helpful strategies and principles that apply to fighting any kind of sexual sin, including crossdressing addiction or masturbation addiction.


Never Harmless, Never Private, Never Safe: Fighting Porn with Superior Pleasure

He gives some good wisdom about not looking for marriage to cure you of sexual sin.

Also –

Those who choose to see less today will see more forever. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). There are things we see and indulge in this life that blind us to God. There is nothing more spectacular and satisfying than seeing and enjoying God, but we so quickly and cavalierly trade that experience for a few measly minutes of titillation.”


I Hate Porn

This is a powerful list of reasons to hate pornography.


A Letter to My Sons About Pornography


And for my fellow pastors out there –

Does Porn Use Disqualify a Pastor?

This article is sobering, but important.  I would not counsel people to wait for perfection before getting into ministry of some kind.  Then you would wait until Jesus returns, because none of us will be perfect.  But someone who is in a habit of sexual sin should not be leading God’s people.

God gives me physical warnings against sin

I’m not sure if I’ve ever talked about this in another post, but I’ll talk about it clearly now.  I’m also not sure if it will be helpful to anyone, but it is part of my story.  Maybe it will help some of you pay more attention to the warning signals that God gives you when you start flirting with sin.

This is my story.  I have a sick feeling in my stomach most of the times I start flirting with sexual sin.  Even if I’m not actually crossdressing but just doing google searches, the physical feeling comes.  In fact, even just purposely allowing myself to think pleasurable crossdressing thoughts in my mind can bring on the sick feeling.  It is not a feeling of real sickness, not quite nausea, but it is unpleasant.  It’s also not at all the same as butterflies in my stomach.  It’s hard to explain.  I feel the sick feeling in my stomach even when I am not really feeling guilty about the sin I am committing in the moment.  Or my heart is trying to tell my body of the guilt I am feeling that I am trying to bury.

It’s odd because I don’t get the feeling when I’m sinning in other ways such as greed, pride, etc.  Only sexual sin.  And I’ve never ever got the feeling when doing something sexual with my wife, even when I’ve been nervous.  And I’ve never got the feeling when doing something secret that wasn’t sinful.  So my conclusion has been that this is part of God’s work in my life, part of being in touch with the Holy Spirit.  My conclusion is that God is either giving me these physical feelings, or at least using these physical feelings to pull me away from sin.  And so many times this feeling alone has been enough to shake me back to reality and get me to stop doing what I was doing or what I was about to do.  And it’s instantaneous many times.  If I was to stop typing this post right now and do a google search for crossdressing stuff or even just beautiful pictures of clothed women, I would start feeling that physical feeling of sickness right away.

It makes sense if you think about it.  Crossdressing is addictive and sinful and confused.  It makes sense that as I grow in holiness that my body would feel repelled by something sinful and out of order, something dirty.  I did not have this feeling when I crossdressed way back in my high school days.  But at the very least, in the last ten years or so, this feeling has been there.  I wonder if it has developed as I have developed a hatred for this addiction in my life.  Maybe it is a physical manifestation of my soul’s hatred of sin.

Romans 12:9

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”

Or maybe this is a physical manifestation of how sin actually harms our body.

1 Corinthians 6:18

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”

The Bible is clear that that our body is defiled in some kind of way when we sin, though I don’t fully understand what that means.

2 Corinthians 7:1

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

While I’m describing this as a sick feeling, it is first and foremost a gift to me.  It’s so easy to get off on a rabbit trail online and find yourself sinning in ways you did not plan on 30 minutes before.  But this sick feeling shakes me back to reality out of the fantasies, out of the fog, and out of the sexual frenzy.  When I fail to obey the warning, I’m forced to endure the sick feeling for the whole time of engaging in crossdressing related behavior.  Like getting pleasure and feeling sick at the same time, which is not the most enjoyable experience.  It is like forcing myself to get the pleasure I want while also hating what I’m doing at the same time.

Romans 7:15

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

Has anyone else experienced something similar?  Or perhaps if not a sick feeling, something else that God uses to shake you back to reality and get you to stop sinning?

Let’s pay attention to the signals God is giving us to help us in our fight against sin.  Pay attention to the warnings and reminders God gives to stay away from sin.  He doesn’t leave us to fight these sinful desires alone.

Guest Post – Kick Out the Monster

This guest post is written by Job, a first time author here at the blog.  Here is some information about the author – Job is a 32 years old web designer from México who surrendered to the Lord Jesus at the age of 29 after about 20 years of captivity in crossdressing, lust, and porn addiction.  Currently he serves the Lord at his church as praise minister, youth leader and deacon.  He is so thankful and impressed with what God did with him that he wants to help guide others to the only source of salvation, healing, peace and joy.


Kick Out the Monster – by Job


I used to think and feel that quitting crossdressing and pornography was impossible and I guess many of you might think this too and it is understandable. This is because we have been feeding the monster so much that seems impossible to defeat it, but if you stop feeding it, you will realize it wasn’t as strong as you thought. I will explain more in this post.
Imagine you have two dogs, one is good and the other is evil, and these dogs are fighting constantly.  Which dog is going to win the battle?  The stronger one will win, and that is the one being better fed. The thing is that you can only feed these dogs one at a time.  These dogs represent the spirit and the flesh.  Which one do you feed the most?


Crossdressing is fueled by lust, and both are sexual immorality.  They are desires of the flesh, which is represented by the evil dog. In my case, I started feeding it when I was 9 years old, which was when I started to wear women clothes.  In that time it seemed more like a pet, not an evil dog.  It did not seem difficult to take care of it, and it seemed harmless.  At that stage, we did not think of crossdressing as a risk.  We thought – “it’s okay, nothing is going to happen, it gives me pleasure and seems not to have consequences.”  Therefore we continue feeding it and feeding it.  In my case I fed it with pornographic images and videos, with lustful thoughts, by dressing in women clothes, masturbating, and other things.  After years of feeding it this pet becomes a huge monster.  Imagine the size of this monster after I fed it for 20 years!  How many years are in your case?  Now can you see why you feel unable to defeat it?


Maybe we did this by ignorance.  Nobody warned us about this.  In my case I felt so alone in these struggles, and I felt so misunderstood and confused.  The Bible says in Hosea 4:6 – “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.”


So knowledge is power and today I want you to be aware of the existence of this monster, and also that even though it is huge at this moment and seems to be impossible for you to defeat it, there is a way.  You need to stop feeding it so it gets weak enough for you to kick it and overthrow it.


Let me explain this monster in a practical way.  This monster represents all of that intoxication in your mind, all of those images, thoughts, memories and desires that are there recorded in your mind.  They are constantly emerging.  It’s like my computer that currently has a virus and is displaying annoying advertising pop ups unexpectedly.  So your mind is playing against you, tempting you all the time with these things.  You see a woman and then you relate her immediately with a porn scene you watched.  Then you walk close to a women’s clothing store and your mind recreates sensations you felt when you dressed, etc.  Your mind has created so many connections and everything seems to be related to crossdressing and lust.  Your mind is intoxicated, it has been fed with lots of lustful memories, and this is why your mind is like a big monster which is so difficult to defeat.  Maybe this gets even more scary because talking about the brain is very complex and since we don’t see it or fully understand it, we could feel trapped and hopeless.  We might think there is nothing we can do.  Maybe at this point you are lamenting all this damage you have done to your mind, but the good news is that this damage can be reverted.


The first thing you have to do is to repent, say sorry to the Lord, accept that you did wrong and that you don’t want this anymore.  Not only is God going to listen to this, but also the demons are going to lose the rights they had against you to keep you in captivity.  The grace of the Lord is enough to forgive us and justify us with the sacrifice of Jesus and He for sure is going to help us, but we need to put our trust in Him (Romans 10:9).  We do not need to fear demons. The Lord always wins the battles against them.  He is stronger and more intelligent and He gives us power over them.  The Bible declares in Jesus we are more than conquerors (Romans 8:37).  Now the question is, do you want to be free?   In case you do, you have to accept God’s terms, but don’t worry, his will is good, pleasing and perfect (Romans 12:2).  We might not like it at the beginning because we have become used to our sins, but let’s trust in Him.  He has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).


If you have taken the decision to trust in the Lord, to surrender to him and to repent for the harmful and nasty lustful sins you have committed, then I will guide you through this prayer.  Say it loudly enough so that the demons will also hear that you now belong to the Lord Jesus.


“Lord Jesus I am so sorry for the damage I have done to my mind, to feed the monster of lust.  Now I recognize that I was wrong.  I sinned against you, against my body and against my family.  Please forgive me.  I know I don’t deserve it but I trust in your grace.  I trust in your mercy, and I rest in you.  I declare in the name of the Lord Jesus that I don’t want crossdressing in my life anymore, I don’t want porn, I don’t want lustful thoughts, I don’t want perversion.  I declare in the name of Jesus that the rights they had against me are canceled.  The doors I opened are closed and I accept to open the doors only to your Holy Spirit.  I want you to fill me.  I declare I want to be pure.  I want to be holy.  I want to be a healthy man, a manly man, a good husband, a good father, and a godly man.  I trust in your power.  I trust that you are going to restore me.  I will be patient because I understand that you have your methods and your ways of doing things.  In Jesus name, amen.”


Good, something is already happening in the spiritual world.  The angels are celebrating that you are now in Christ, and the fight against angels and demons has already started.  But in your life, there are still things you have to do.  You need to stop feeding the evil monster.  Remember that every image you watch, every lustful thought is going to be stored in your memory files.  If you stop feeding it, then over time it is going to get undernourished and therefore weak, but you have to be aware that this is going to take time, because after all how many years have you been feeding this monster?  It takes time for the mind to create new neural connections, to detoxify.  In the meantime you will have to deal with lots of emerging thoughts and memories but you have to be brave and resist.  Also accept the responsibility that this is the consequence of your errors and sin.  God forgives us but the consequences remain, so be patient, and be strong.  The more you resist and avoid feeding the monster, the faster the mind gets deintoxicated, and the faster you are going to get healed.  When the evil thoughts come to your mind, don’t dwell on them, but instead take them captive to the presence of the Lord and ask Him to destroy them (2 Corinthians 10:5).


Okay, now we need to feed the good dog.  We do this by reading the Scriptures, by reading books, and posts like the ones in this blog.  Remember again that knowledge is power.  Pray to the Lord, have times of intimacy with him, talk to him let him know how you feel, and also praise him, singing to him.  This not only pleases God but also reminds you who He is and helps you to be confident.  Music is such a powerful way to connect us with him.  Also, get other Christian brothers in order to get influenced by them, also have an accountability partner for you to share about your successes and failures.  Two are stronger than one. And think constantly about God’s Word and the values of the Lord.  Remember that you become what you think about the most.


This might take some time, so be patient.  It is not easy stuff but be faithful and don’t give up because everything is possible though Christ who strengthens us.

Guest Post – How to Overcome Temptation

This article is written by TJ.  This is TJ’s first guest post.  TJ says about himself – “I first became exposed to crossdressing when I was 16 years old, and for many years used underwear mostly as a tool for sexual relief.  But I had always viewed women, especially beautiful ones, as somehow superior to me, and men in general.  Later in life this gradually became more of an obsession. ”


How to Overcome Temptation


Like many others I suppose, I seem to do okay when I am NOT tempted.  In fact, I have gone several months (even nearly a full year), during which I’ve experienced little to no temptation.  And when that type of long-term experience occurs, quite naturally I suppose, I think I’ve moved beyond the problem.  But such is, unfortunately, NOT the case.  Because I simply wasn’t really that tempted.  But what about when the temptation comes, as it quite inevitably will?  What then?

I recently have been going through some major marital issues, and in fact, am almost at the place where I don’t even care what happens any more.  My wife has asked me many, many times for my permission to divorce.  It’s weird.  She is a believer, knows it’s wrong (in that we have no biblical justification for a divorce – something we both did in our first marriages, and have no desire to repeat) – so she says, we can just separate and live alone for the rest of our lives.  In other words, we can experience joyous celibacy.  Sure.  Right.  Just what I want… Even now, she is out of the house  for 2 weeks, here for 2 weeks, and so on.  This will continue for several months.   If I just say the word, she will file the papers, and it will be over.  So our 17 year marriage is hanging by such a tentative thread right now…

So I mention the above not to get into my marriage issue at this time, but only to illustrate an example of a triggering issue that can cause stress and tempt us to give in to sin.  And my temptations have came back with a roaring vengeance.  In fact, while experiencing the roller coaster of emotions that a divorce would entail, I suddenly experienced an almost overwhelming desire to do everything in the way of crossdressing, some things that I had never even thought about before.  And it seemed like I just HAD to do it.   Even though I was quite fully aware of how wrong this was (for the many reasons of which most of us are quite aware) – I simply – did – not – care.   Enough already.  At first, I planned to go get a full makeover at some boutique CD salon about 90 minutes from my home.  But then something happened that stopped me.  Actually, a few things…let me explain.

First off, please note that prior to all this, I had been praying quite a bit to the Lord.  About 3-4 weeks ago, I was driving up to a friends house to do a construction project (I’m a handyman, and do all kinds of remodeling on a part time basis).  I was making the 1 hour drive to my latest job, and I prayed something like the following:  “Lord, you know I want a closer walk with you.  Now, whatever you need to do to make that happen is fine with me – even if it means impacting my health.”   And that was about the gist of the prayer, and then I forgot about it.

After perhaps 4-5 hours, when I was perhaps 95% finished, I suddenly tripped over a power cord, though I didn’t fall completely.  Immediately I felt this EXPLOSION of pain in my left ankle!  I saw a brick on the ground, and as I was quite near a 6 foot fence, I became very angry that my friend had “perched” this brick on the fence, and somehow it had fallen, edge first, directly on my ankle.   He looked at me, quite confused, and said, “what in the world are you talking about?  That brick has been on the ground for months.  You just stumbled.  That’s all!”

Well, I could not even walk for a full hour, the pain was that intense.  Finally, while getting a great amount of assistance from him, my ankle badly swollen, I finished the job, quite painfully got into my car, and drove home.   I learned the next day that I had ruptured my Achilles tendon, and had to have surgery a week later.

So let’s go back to that moment where I said I simply did not care.  I had had the surgery, and I had an appointment for a  post-op check, one week after the surgery.  My plan was to head up to the CD boutique after the appointment.  My intention was to visit the salon, check out the many CD clothes they had advertised, and then make an appointment for when the makeover would happen at a convenient time.   My decision was made.

But during my examination, the doctor became quite concerned.  He said that because I had put my weight on my foot too soon, it looked like the surgery may have failed.  I had experienced no pain after the first surgery, but my shoulder was killing me from the crutches.  So I had tested it, and walked very carefully on it, which was a mistake!

The doctor scheduled an emergency MRI.  Suddenly my plans for the boutique visit were killed.  That same day, I had to wait some 3 hours for the MRI, and when that was finally over, I heard that the surgery had indeed failed.  I learned that I had to have a much more complicated operation later.  (I have since completed that second surgery and now my recovery is going to take a whole year).

But well before that 2nd surgery occurred, later that evening after the appointment when I got the MRI, I received an e-mail from Thorin, in which he provided a link to a reading list, and also to an article that just FLOORED me when I read it.   And the point of the article was really all about temptation, and why we – just – cannot – seem – to – resist it, so much of the time.   You see, as I said above, we’re sort of okay when we can skillfully avoid temptation, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  But there is another side that we very, very much need to think about, and please trust me, it will do much to help you resist that temptation when it comes, and it always does, sooner or later, especially in times of great stress.

I have included the link to that wonderful, amazing article below, which I’m certain that many of you are rather curious to read!   (I have probably read it 50 times at least).  The ultimate point is, that if we cannot learn to appreciate, and enjoy our Lord we will turn our worship to something else.  We will do this if the Bible gets boring, or we get tired of the Church, or prayer, or spending time with God.  This is because we are not autonomous.  We simply MUST serve, or ultimately worship something.  And if it is not God, trust me, it WILL be something else.  It is amazing to think of the whole crossdressing thing as a form of worship, isn’t it?  It is kind of disgusting actually.  But when you get right down to it, that is what it is.   We don’t resist the temptations because the Lord is, from our broken perspective, either too small, distant, powerless, uninteresting, uninvolved, (whatever  – fill in the blank), so that the other thing becomes so much more attractive.  Especially when we’re in pain.  We don’t go to him, no way.  We turn to IT instead.   And then we fall again…

The main purpose of this post is to emphasize that you should read this article so it can help you as it helped me. If we worship ourselves and not God, our impulses and desires will win out over his warnings and promises in the moment of temptation. Here is the link:

Desiring God – What Leads Christians Away from Christ


Lessons for us from King David

In 2 Samuel chapters 11-12, we read the story of David committing adultery with Bathsheba.  And then, to cover up his sin, he found a way to have Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, killed.  Finally, God sends the prophet Nathan to challenge and rebuke David.  In the end, David is forgiven because of God’s amazing grace, though he still experiences some consequences for his sins.  There are a lot of good lessons for us in this story that apply to the sins that we struggle with such as crossdressing.  The most important lessons are at the bottom of the post, so be sure to read to the end.  Let me copy to you the passage first:


2 Samuel 11:1 – 12:14

11:1 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.
2 One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, 3 and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “Isn’t this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” 4 Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Thena she went back home. 5 The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”
6 So David sent this word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent him to David. 7 When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going. 8 Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. 9 But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master’s servants and did not go down to his house.
10 When David was told, “Uriah did not go home,” he asked him, “Haven’t you just come from a distance? Why didn’t you go home?”
11 Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my master Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open fields. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and lie with my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!”
12 Then David said to him, “Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. 13 At David’s invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master’s servants; he did not go home.
14 In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. 15 In it he wrote, “Put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.”
16 So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. 17 When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.
18 Joab sent David a full account of the battle. 19 He instructed the messenger: “When you have finished giving the king this account of the battle, 20 the king’s anger may flare up, and he may ask you, ‘Why did you get so close to the city to fight? Didn’t you know they would shoot arrows from the wall? 21 Who killed Abimelech son of Jerub-Beshethb? Didn’t a woman throw an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you get so close to the wall?’ If he asks you this, then say to him, ‘Also, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.’ ”
22 The messenger set out, and when he arrived he told David everything Joab had sent him to say. 23 The messenger said to David, “The men overpowered us and came out against us in the open, but we drove them back to the entrance to the city gate. 24 Then the archers shot arrows at your servants from the wall, and some of the king’s men died. Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.”
25 David told the messenger, “Say this to Joab: ‘Don’t let this upset you; the sword devours one as well as another. Press the attack against the city and destroy it.’ Say this to encourage Joab.”
26 When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. 27 After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the LORD.

12:1 The LORD sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, 3 but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.
4 “Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”
5 David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this deserves to die! 6 He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”
7 Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’
11 “This is what the LORD says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will lie with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’ ”
13 Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.”
Nathan replied, “The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt,a the son born to you will die.”


Lesson 1: When we are not using our time to do what we are supposed to be doing, we can make an opening for temptations to come our way.  King David was not doing what he was supposed to be doing.  As a King, he was to lead Israel in battle.  The passage itself subtlety critiques David, pointing out that he was sitting around at home when other Kings were off in war.  David was shirking his duties as king.  We don’t know if he was tired, or lazy, or just wanting the comforts of his palace.  But if he had been doing what he was supposed to be doing, he would not have experienced the temptation to commit adultery (or rape) Bathsheba.

I know in my own life, many of the times I have given in to crossdressing, it was because I was being lazy and avoiding work that I was supposed to be doing.  But during times of my life that I am working hard at my job, looking for opportunities to serve others, and doing the things that God has called me to do, the temptations that come are far fewer and much less potent.  When I’m busy doing the things God created me to do, it is far less likely that I will be distracted by temptation.  But I think back to times that I was being lazy, procrastinating, or just bored with nothing pressing, and those are often the times that I failed in the past.  Let us learn from this.  We should keep our focus on God, our work, and our families, and if we have very little work to do, we should look for ways to be productive with our time, reading books or serving others or helping the community.


Lesson 2: Don’t flirt with the idea of sin.  Don’t give it a second look.  Don’t ponder the idea of sinning.  Shut it down at the beginning. When David noticed Bathsheba, he should have shut down his lustful thoughts, not looked back, and left her alone.  But he wanted to ponder the idea.  What a terrible idea to send someone to find out more about her.  Perhaps he was hoping she was single and he could add her to his other wives, even though God had commanded Kings should not have many wives.  And when he found out that she was already married, the idea of being with her had already taken root and perhaps he had had sex with her in his mind several times already by the time the messenger came back.

I know for me, most of the times I ever failed with crossdressing in actual life, or crossdressing through fantasy on the computer, were times that I had never planned or intended to fail.  Instead, a thought came into mind, or I saw an article about crossdressing, and then instead of shutting down such thoughts, I let the ideas take root.  I clicked on the article knowing that it was a bad idea.  Or I did a seemingly harmless google search even though I knew where such searches often led.  30 minutes later it would no longer be harmless google searches, but crossdressing fiction sites.  We must shut down the thoughts and activities that are not sinful in of themselves, but which we know lead us to sin because of our weaknesses.  For some of us, there are certain news articles we just should not look at.  For some of us, we need to avoid google and youtube.  Know your triggers and avoid them.  Avoid the second look.


Lesson 3: Even God’s people are sinful.  We all know this, yet we often don’t really let this truth sink in.  All the people we sit with in the pews at our churches are sinful.  All of our respected government leaders are sinful.  And even all the people who preach to us every Sunday are sinful.  David was a man of God, who loved God and trusted Him, but he committed the terrible evil actions in this passage.  It would not be a stretch to call his actions rape and murder.  He, a man of God, was evil.  The Bible teaches this repeatedly.  Look at Solomon’s idolatry and polygamy.  Look at Gideon going from victory into idolatry.  Look at Peter going from following Jesus to denying him.  We do not all struggle with sexual sins, but we struggle with pride, addictions, selfish hearts, and we disobey many of God’s commands.  We will struggle with sin until Jesus returns and makes us new.  Because of this we should be careful in our judgments of other Christians saying that they aren’t true Christians.  It’s possible to be a true Christian and still struggle with sin.  Furthermore, when someone’s sin is discovered, we should be quick to have mercy knowing that we have our own secret sins.

The knowledge that David committed this great sins should give us strong warning.  If someone as great as King David, a man after God’s own heart, the man who killed Goliath through his strong faith in God, if he could commit such horrible sins, we can easily do so as well.  We must be on our guard.  Even though I can claim great victory in my life over crossdressing, I must remain vigilant.  Sin is still with me until Jesus returns or until I did and am with Jesus in Heaven.  I must be ready for temptations whenever they might come.



Lesson 4: Watch out for the slippery slope of sin.  I do not mean the slippery slope in the sense of the logical fallacy.  I mean that sin escalates.  Often when we commit one horrible sin, we keep committing even more sins to cover it up.  King David started with the sin of adultery.  But then he had to deal with the consequences.  He was desperate to protect his false public image.  In the end he had lied, he had tried to get Uriah to think the child of Bathsheba was his by manipulating Uriah to sin by getting drunk, he then had to get Uriah killed when that didn’t work, and in the process he involved another person, Joab, in his terrible sins, and got many other Israelite soldiers killed over his sin.  We see in 11:25 that David’s descent into sin has gone to such an extent that he did not even care about the lives of his lost soldiers.

I know from talking to many of you that a lot of us have committed some pretty awful sexual sins.  But let us learn from King David.  It is far better to stop our sin now, confess to others, and face the consequences, then to keep lying and trying to cover it up, only adding more sin to our lives.  How many crossdressers, instead of confessing to their wives about their problem, keep it covered up for years?  Then the wife founds out about it some day and instead of only having to deal with the sin of crossdressing, the wife has to deal with the broken trust of having a deceptive husband for years.  The emotional damage from these situations cannot be quantified.  Confess your sin now and face the consequences.  The only other alternative is facing the escalating nature of sin, adding sin to sin until things get out of control, and you cannot even separate your own lies from the truth.



Lesson 5: Sin can lead to painful consequences.  In the story, we can see how David’s sin not only hurt himself but destroyed the lives of many other people.  From chapter 12 we can see that even when David finally repented, he still had to face consequences for his sins of losing a child and having the sword never departing his house, that is having a family full of violence.  The rest of the book of 2 Samuel shows the horrible dysfunction and violence among David’s children.  It’s not clear if God actually caused these disasters for David, or just allowed David and his family to naturally experience the consequences of David’s sins and bad parenting.

For us, when we sin, we will also experience painful consequences.  Even if God does not directly punish someone for crossdressing, we face the natural consequences of not living rightly.  To obey God always brings freedom and joy, even when it is difficult.  To sin means to head towards physical death and spiritual death, to walk away from true life.  Sin always always hurts us, even if we want to convinces ourselves sometimes that it doesn’t.  It will bring pain in our soul, draw us further away from God, and hurt those around us.  Just take a look at the comments scattered around this blog and on the page for the wives of crossdressers.  The natural consequences of crossdressing addiction have included destroyed marriages, alienation from children, lost jobs, wasted time through addiction, gender confusion, mutilation of healthy bodies that was later regretted, and much more.


Lesson 6: WE CANNOT HIDE OUR SINS!  This to me is the most astounding and shocking lesson from this passage.  King David thought he could hide his sins, and he was actually successful or so he thought.  He was able to hide his sins from people.  But he could not hide his sins from God.  And since God is God, and can do whatever he wants, God has the ability to reveal our sins to other people, which is what God did.  God revealed David’s sin to Nathan so that he could challenge David.  In the end, David’s sin has become known to billions of people like us throughout history.

Most of the time as crossdressers or porn addicts, we think we are covering our tracks well.  We try to hide the clothes well.  We delete internet history.  But even so, people eventually find out.  It’s really really hard to hide everything.  I’ve written on this before – Fool! You will be caught!  We have little chance of keeping our addictions secret forever.  But if those natural ways of people finding out are not enough for you, ponder this, if God is real, he can reveal what you are doing to other people through his Holy Spirit, or through dreams or visions.  God has the same power today that he had when Nathan and David were around.  We CANNOT hide anything from God.  He always sees and always knows, and knows our deepest thoughts better than we know ourselves.

God can either orchestrate events in your life so that your sin will be found out naturally, or he can reveal the truth directly to someone. I view God doing this as an act of grace.  Rather than letting us destroy ourselves, he can reveal our secret to someone else so they can challenge us, wake us up from our fantasy lives, and help us to repent and change.  God will do what it takes to save us because he loves us.  He doesn’t want us to run away from him or destroy our lives in sin.

My challenge for you is to do what I did.  Don’t wait for God to reveal it to somebody else.  This is quite painful even if it’s necessary for God to rescue you.  But what you can do that is less painful, is to be the one to stop your sin and confess to someone now.  Repent, receive grace, and get help from other people to quit.  Don’t wait for your wife to catch you in the act.  Confess to her now, repent, and commit to getting help and working on your addiction.

And please for all of us, let’s remember that if God uses us to be a Nathan to someone else, that we should be firm on our stand against sin, but also be full of mercy and grace, just as we have received unimaginable mercy and grace from God through Christ.  When people confess and repent, acknowledge that they have done the only right thing they can do.  Forgive them and love them.  Point them to Christ.  Help them to put the sin in their life to death.  Encourage them and walk with them.


Lesson 7: God’s grace is amazing.  The song, Amazing Grace, is true.  God’s grace is amazing and full and beautiful and wonderful.  Look at all the atrocities that David committed and yet God still forgave him.  He had some painful trials to go through as a result of his sin, but he was forgiven, and he will be in Heaven with us.  Actually, I think that David was a man after God’s own heart, not because of his righteousness, but because he was repentant, and he trusted in God’s grace.  He was not perfect, by far, but he relied on God’s mercy and grace.  This is what true Christians do.  True Christians are not perfect, but they keep repenting, keep fighting against sin, and keep trusting in God’s mercy through Christ.


For those of you who have been living a life away from God, whether crossdressing or homosexuality or pornography or adultery or whatever you’ve done, there is grace for you, if only you repent and put your trust in Christ.  He lived a perfect life, the one that you did not live, and if you trust in him, his perfect life of righteousness will be counted as your own.  He took the punishment that we all deserve.  It’s time to repent.  It’s time to finally have joy and peace and forgiveness for your sins.  It’s time to experience the amazing love of God.  Repent and confess your sins.  Stop giving in.  Just stop.  It’s time to instead look to Jesus and experience abundant life.  No matter how much crap we have done in our past, if we come to Jesus and trust in him, all that will be wiped clean.  You can experience relationship with our God and live the life he has planned for you.

Harvest USA – Recommended Organization

I’ve been learning about a great organization called – Harvest USA.  They specialize in helping people who experience sexual brokenness to have hope in Jesus Christ.  They started by primarily helping those with same-sex attraction, but now they also help in situations of pornography addiction, gender dysphoria and other kinds of sexual struggles.  For those of you who are struggling, and are not getting enough help through our prayer group, and would like some face to face interaction, or email correspondence, I highly recommend getting counseling help from this organization.  It is a really solid and Christ centered organization.

You can get very quick help through their hotline phone number or email – Get help.  Their services for you are also free!  They run on support from donors and churches, so please take advantage of this free care.

Here are some of their books and short pamphlets which I would like to read when I get more time – Books and Publications.

They have a blog with excellent articles and resources – Harvest USA blog.  Or choose a topic here.  And some great – Videos.  And – Podcasts. Over the next few weeks I’ll be reading through the blog posts and watching the videos and recommending some to you.

Here is their page on resources concerning transgenderism.


Here is their statement of belief, particularly what they believe about sexuality –

“Human Sexuality and Free Will

We believe that our sexuality and its expression was designed by God at creation, and that our sexuality and its expression was part of God’s original and good design for mankind, and is clearly communicated to us in the Scriptures. Male and female were both created in God’s image, and we affirm that God’s perfect design for all sexual activity is between one man and one woman in the context of the marriage bond. We recognize that, as a consequence of the Fall, all men and women are sexually broken and thus relate in twisted ways to God, self, others, and nature. Therefore, all expressions of sexual activity outside of the bond of marriage are sinful and are a distortion of God’s good design. This includes all involvement with pornography, sexual fantasy, sexual addictions, adultery, homosexuality, gender distortions and any other sexual activity outside of marriage. All sexual sin grieves God and is offensive to His Holiness, and all sexual sin ultimately harms people, whether it is homosexual or heterosexual sin.

husband_wifeWe believe that homosexuality is not what God wills for human beings made in His image. We affirm that both homosexual desire and behavior are expressions of mankind’s fallenness, and like all other types of sexual sin, needs to be confessed, renounced and forsaken by those who would be followers of Jesus Christ. We believe that God has always called men and women out of homosexuality or other sexual sin patterns and into the new life of His kingdom through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ. Thus any attempt to claim, cultivate, or promote a gay identity for oneself is out of place in a confessing Christian since it necessarily competes with the holy identity in Christ that every believer has been given and must claim by faith. We believe that Christ gives to all who seek it a growing freedom from the compulsive pull of all sorts of sinful sexual fantasy and behavior. This does not preclude the possibility of serious lapses of love and obedience on the part of those who truly believe, but such must be evaluated in light of the ordinary path and process of sanctification in which God places all of His children. Such failure on the part of believers can never be taken as license to abolish the call to holiness or to allow a reinterpretation of the Scriptures that permits a “gay Christian” theology.”


The last link I’ll put in this post is their current magazine with some great articles in it – 2017 Spring.  (I will read and post the other magazine issues later on).  I read some of the articles within this issue and found them helpful.  The articles deal with marriage, forgiveness, rebuilding sexual intimacy after betrayal, same-sex attraction, and pornography.  There are some good testimonies too.  The last article of this issue is especially helpful, making clear that Harvest USA doesn’t promise people false hopes of desires automatically being changed. They do not do reparative therapy and they think it is an unbiblical practice.