Being rejected by women

How much of our crossdressing desire is related to having been rejected by girls when we were younger?  Or for some of us, how much of our ongoing crossdressing failures are related to smaller rejections by our girlfriends or wives today?

So many of you men that I’ve talked to have similar stories to me in that when we were younger, we were either directly rejected by girls if we had the courage to ask them out, or we were indirectly rejected by girls through our shyness or lack of interaction with them, or in my case, both.  It seems to me that at least one of the many reasons our crossdressing desires developed in the first place, is that our crossdressed self became a replacement for real women.  It was an easy substitute.  There is much less pressure and much less anxiety.  You don’t have to know how to act, you don’t have to fumble with what to say, you just dress up and wow, there is a woman there with you, dressed in whatever sexy clothes you want!

I’m realizing more and more that in the pain of my very imperfect marriage, so much of the time I’ve gone to crossdressing when rejected by my wife, whether she is rejecting sex or rejecting my touch or verbal affection.  But this is just retreating further into pain and rejection.  It’s retreating further away from what God wants for me and my wife.  It’s retreating further away from myself.  It’s adding pain to pain.  It’s adding shame to pain.  And after crossdressing, whether she would see me or not, I would be even much more LESS CONFIDENT with her.  I would feel much less like a man with her.  Which in turn would make me expect rejection even more and thus probably get rejected even more because women don’t like weak emasculated men.

This is a dangerous spiral of destruction that I think has been in my life since I was in middle school.  Now that I recognize this so clearly, I’m not going to let the rejections in my marriage keep creating temptations for me to masturbate or crossdress.  The fact that this happened in my life so many times in the past gives me righteous anger.  But I act differently now.  I’m not going to shame myself with perverted crossdressing just because I get rejected.  I am stronger than that.  I am going to be myself, and just go without love or without sexual pleasure, rather than to shame myself in confused addiction.  When I face rejection, I shouldn’t rail at my wife with anger, I shouldn’t retreat into immorality, I should go to my God who has completely and amazingly and fully loved me, accepted me, and is with me, and will never leave me.  He is the one who gives me strength to resist sin, he is the one who gives me comfort and perseverance to make it through suffering.  He is the one who gives me self-control.  Thank you Lord Jesus that you will never ever ever reject me.  You have accepted me once and forever.


Transabled and Transgender

I’ve talked before about the parallels between those with transgender feelings and those with “transabled” feelings.  These are the feelings of people who desire to have a body part amputated to be able to feel themselves and feel at peace.  I wrote about that in this post – Desperately longing to be disabled.

Because of all the transgender issues in the media lately, the transabled phenomenon is getting more attention.  Here are some recent articles about it that I thought were interesting, and as we read these articles and think about transabled people and their struggles, it can shed new light on our own struggles with gender, and give us some ideas to ponder.

Becoming Disabled by Choice, Not Chance: ‘Transabled’ people feel like impostors in their fully working bodies

“The person could want to become deaf, blind, amputee, paraplegic. It’s a really, really strong desire.”

I find it interesting that the article says most of them are men (at least most of the people that have been interviewed about this), which we also know is the case with transgender, that there are more men than women.  Why are so many of us men uncomfortable in our own bodies?

Yes, these people really exist and they have real pain and real struggles, just like those of us with gender dysphoria.  But why is it okay to say that they these people need counseling rather than surgery, but we cannot say that about those with gender dysphoria?  I think it is incredibly inconsistent.

As a Christian, I believe that we are more than just souls trapped in bodies.  Our bodies are part of who we are!  So a Christian cannot say, “I am truly such and such in my soul, but unfortunately trapped in this body that does not represent me.”  Also, as a Christian, clearly a healthy body that works how it is supposed to is what God wants for us and what we should want for ourselves.  For anyone to want to damage their body, whether through smoking, clogging our arteries, amputating our limbs, or going through sex reassignment surgery, we are doing something that is not honoring to God and displeasing to him.

The Gospel Coalition – The Diabolic Logic of Transableism

This article makes some very powerful points which I will paste below.

Transableism is classified as a mental disorder while transgenderism is not — The problem with this claim is that it’s simply not true. Body integrity disorder is not classified as a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V)—but gender dysphoria is. None of that really matters, though, since there is no objective standard for determining when body dysphoria should be construed as a mental disorder. Disorders in the DSM are literally whatever gets voted for inclusion by the American Psychiatric Association. Whatever one’s position on the issue, it can’t be resolved by an appeal to psychiatric consensus, even if one existed.

Genital reassignment surgery is an accepted medical practice while amputation for transableism is not — What constitutes an “accepted” practice? That depends almost entirely on a particular doctor or medical community. Many physicians would reject both as unacceptable. Yet both types of amputations of healthy organs have been performed.

The article also makes a link to anorexia which I think is important for all of us to consider.  It’s much clearer to everyone that anorexia is damaging and deadly, much more damaging than gender dysphoria, at least to our physical health.  But we need to grapple with the connections between anorexia and transgenderism.  They are both a disconnect between one’s idea of himself or herself, and one’s body.

The article rightly criticizes Christians for being too tolerant and accepting of deviant practices like these.

No, I place the blame on those self-professed Christians who endorse these forms of self-harm and make self-mutilation a plausible and palatable “solution” for the vulnerable. They cloak their support in the language of “compassion” and “tolerance” while encouraging people to engage in grave evil.

If you felt an urge to surgically remove your sexual organs or induce vomiting until your ribs showed through your skin, would you assume it was the will of God? No, of course not—at least not if you are in a right state of mind. So why do we pretend that it is God’s will for other people to mutilate themselves?  

Who is the Caitlyn Jenner of the Transabled

Another article explaining the hypocrisy in our culture right now, the inconsistency between the two issues.

We social conservatives have an annoying habit of pointing out where the radical individualism driving the same-sex marriage movement is taking society. People find it offensive when we tell them that the same logic they are using to justify SSM can and will be used to justify polygamy. Give it another generation. My guess is that transableism is just far too disgusting and weird ever to find mainstream legitimacy, but if you accept the logic of transgenderism — that people have a right to “be who they really are” — then it’s hard to see where you might find the solid ground to object to transableism. After all, they aren’t hurting anybody, are they?

Body Modification

This is an older article, but I found it while looking at other articles about transableism, and I felt it was extremely helpful.  It’s almost a sermon.  It talks about body modification in general, such as tatooing and piercing, and gets into what the Bible says about our bodies.  There are so many good points I could not post them all.  Just read the article.  Later in the article, the author shows the connection between issues like sex/gender reassignment surgery, anorexia, and transableism.  As old as the article is (14 years old), it’s quite prophetic about what our culture is going through now!  The author talks a lot about body modification in general and its pagan roots.

Read this paragraph from the article, and it’s hard not to think how much this sounds like the kind of stuff transgendered and transabled people are saying today:
There’s even a group that calls itself the Church of Body Modification. It’s officially recognized by the government as a religion. It has no doctrine of a Creator God. Instead, it teaches that we create a world of our own choosing. The mission statement of the Church of Body Modification declares, “Each of us is wise in our reasons. Each of us is powerful in authority over ourselves. Our bodies are the physical structure, our temple; the encasement of our own very personal dreams and experiences, our beliefs and our hopes. We stand absolutely firm on our birthright of ownership of our individual bodies… Together now we share a New World of our own creation.”

More good points:

From an early age, most of us are not content with our body and would like to change it. If little children have blue eyes, they wish they had brown eyes. If they’re born with red hair, they wish it was black. Some boys wish they were girls, or vice versa. Some kids wish they’d been born of a different race or had a different name. This childish dissatisfaction with our own body was always considered something to grow out of and get over.

But nowadays, rather than growing beyond childish fantasies, adults indulge those fantasies. They get contacts lenses that change their eye color, dyes that change their hair color, tattoos that make them look more like a billboard than a human, piercings that make them look like their favorite famous pagans, plastic surgery to rearrange their face and shape. Men wear earrings as only women did a few years ago, women choose hairstyles and clothing to resemble men, cross—dressing pop stars are adored by millions, and some people get sex change operations to alter their gender entirely.

Part of mature wisdom is accepting the body God gave you, learning to live with it, and honoring God with it. But the spirit of rebellion says, “I am the master of my fate. I can modify my body as I see fit.“ Does this bring joy and freedom? No, it brings pain, slavery, chaos, and death. In the Bible God’s wisdom calls out and says, “Whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death“ (Proverbs 8:35—36).

Many good articles on transgenderism and Jenner

As we all know, the Jenner controversy has been all over the news, and people are discussing anything and everything to do with transgenderism.  Much of what is being discussed I have already discussed on my blog, and so I’m not going to spend a long time repeating myself.  Instead, I thought I would link to some of the more interesting and thought provoking articles that I’ve read lately.  I’ll give just a couple comments about each one.

Before I link the articles, I just wanted to make a comment about the whole Olympic medal controversy.  Jenner has said he always knew he was really a woman.  So some say he should have his medal taken away because he was not supposed to be competing with the men if he really is a woman.  The Olympic committee has said they are not going to take his medal away, as he was not on hormones at the time, so it is not a problem.  Personally, I think the people protesting have a good point, and this whole medal issue makes something clear:  No one actually believes that Jenner is a real woman.  We all know that he has XY chromosomes and scientifically is a male.  But because of political correctness and tolerance gone a muck, most people still want to go along with the delusion that Jenner is a female.  I think this is a kind of hypocrisy.  It’s not really fair that while most people do not believe that people can really change their sex, the ones who actually admit they believe this are ridiculed and called bigots.


Christians, Be Careful What You Say on Facebook

Helpful corrective to ensure we don’t speak with hypocrisy or arrogance when all of us struggle with our own baggage.  We need to love and pray for Jenner.


Desiring GodHow Should We Respond to Caitlyn Jenner

This article does a nice job at proclaiming the clear biblical truth about transgenderism, but also wrestles with the pain and real struggle of Jenner’s story.  The author advocates strongly for compassion.  Jenner’s personhood, being made in the image of God, is emphasized.


Desiring GodIs it Okay to Be a Christian and Be Transgendered?


Calling Bruce Jenner a Woman is an Insult to Women

This article is pretty harsh but makes a lot of great points worth reflecting on, notably Jenner’s way of talking about himself with two personas, and how transgenderism relates to feminism.  The author clearly articulates how Jenner is not really a woman, no matter how much makeup he is wearing to make himself appear like one.  Harshness aside, this article makes great points I hope people will consider.


Bruce Jenner is Not a Hero

This article explores the notion of claiming that you can have a female soul, but a male body, a proposition which doesn’t make sense, because if you believe in God, God would not make such a mistake, and if you don’t believe in God, why believe that people have souls?


Bruce Jenner is Not a Woman, He is a Sick and Delusional Man

This article is a bit harsh, but makes good points.  I appreciated the comparison to anorexia, imagining people celebrating an anorexic woman’s delusions of being overweight.


I Was a Transgender Woman

Moving story of a man who went through sex reassignment surgery but regretted it as it did not fix his unhappiness.


Gospel Coalition – Caitlyn Jenner and Love in the Future Tense

Good article about the importance of biblical truth on this subject, and yet the need to speak about it in love.


The Transgender Triumph

Very long and informative article, with much about the history of transgenderism in the USA.

“Bailey, who has devoted his academic career to outré forms of human sexuality, argued that transgenderism (the new, politically correct word for what was called “transsexualism” a decade ago) isn’t a matter of a mismatch between one’s body and one’s innate identity, as transgender activists and their numerous allies have been arguing. Instead, it’s a matter of sexual desire and romantic yearning. “Those who love men become women to attract them,” Bailey wrote. “Those who love women become the women they love.””


The Cult of Caitlyn confirms that there is nothing progressive in transgender politics

Interesting article looking at all the religiosity and even worship surrounding this whole Jenner saga.  The article also gets into the scary truth that transgender activists want us to rewrite history.


The Real Christian Debate on Transgender Identity

Examines the various Christian responses to the Jenner saga.


Celebrating Confusion: The Crisis of Bruce (Not Caitlyn) Jenner


The Price of Caitlyn Jenner’s Heroism


How to Preach about Bruce Jenner

Some helpful points in here, thoughtful discussion, and some points about Ray Blanchard’s theories about transgenderism.

How Satan tempts us to crossdress

Recently I listened to this free sermon online by Pastor Tim Keller.  It was a powerful message, for any Christian, but for me when thinking about crossdressing it was especially insightful.  I highly recommend it – Spiritual Warfare by Tim Keller.

While I would never say that Satan is the cause of crossdressing in all of us, I would say that at the very least Satan exploits these crossdressing natures/desires in us, and tries to use them to bring us down.  We are in a war.  We have an enemy.  Thankfully our God is infinitely greater and more powerful and is with us and gives us power against Satan’s schemes.  But we need to realize what Satan is up to.

Tim Keller brings up several devices Satan uses, that he in turn got from another book.  I listed several of the devices that Tim Keller mentioned and I want to examine them in light of our temptations to crossdress.  In doing so, we can see the ways Satan is trying to mess with us, and we can be more resistant and overcome temptation.  (If you don’t think Satan and demons exist, you may believe what you wish, but please refrain from arguing with me about it).

Keller divides the devices into two types – Temptation and Accusation.


1.  Satan shows you the bait but hides the hook.   How often I’ve been tempted to crossdress or read crossdressing fiction and all I seem to be thinking about it is how pleasurable it will be in that moment.  But I forget how awful I will feel afterward, how confused it will make me feel in regards to my gender, how guilty I will feel, how I will get addicted, how much it will mess up my marriage, and how it will distance me from God’s presence.  And there are other more disastrous consequences my friends have gone through because of crossdressing – losing jobs, losing marriages, alienation from children, etc.

2.  Satan tries to get us to rationalize sin as virtue.   How often we crossdressers have ignored the addictive and distorted and deceptive nature of crossdressing by trying to say, “oh but it’s good for me to be a balanced person showing my feminine side” or “But my wife can better relate to me when I’m crossdressed (because I can’t have real feelings when not pretending to be a woman).”

3.  Satan shows us the sins of Christian leaders.   We regularly see pastors or famous Christians struggling with adultery or pornography or materialism.  In comparison, we don’t feel so bad about our crossdressing.  If they can do what’s even worse, we can dabble in crossdressing.

4.  Satan tries to get us to over-stress the mercy of God.   This is the one that has got me the most.  I have a very good sense of God’s grace and it fills my life daily with joy and gratitude.  However, in the moment of temptation, sometimes I use God’s grace and forgiveness as an excuse to give in to sin.  But just because God won’t punish me for my sin, does not mean I should give in to it.  As the apostle Paul said, do we sin more so that grace will increase?  By no means!  God’s grace should fuel our desire for gracious obedience, not become an excuse to sin.

5.  Satan tries to make us bitter about our suffering.  In counseling other men struggling with crossdressing, I’ve seen this one many times.  So many crossdressers have gone through awful life experiences, divorce, alienation from children, drug addictions, job losses, financial struggles, and many other very difficult issues.  Often the despair and the suffering drives these men to rationalize their crossdressing.  “I’ve suffered, so I deserve this fleeting pleasure.”  Or “life is so hard and difficult, what’s the point? I might as well crossdress.”  Instead of turning to God for comfort in suffering, we get confused and turn to fabrics.

6.  Satan shows us how many non-Christians seem to be having great lives.  If we judged crossdressing by the faces that we see on many crossdressing blogs and websites, we might imagine that most non-Christians crossdressers who are embracing crossdressing and not trying to resist it, perhaps they are all having wonderful lives full of happiness and pleasure.  But even if this was true, it doesn’t rationalize sin and addiction.  And I don’t think it is true.  Just browse the forums about crossdressing to see how much angst and confusion crossdressing causes in crossdressers’ lives.  The 100 people every day who find my blog through searches about the destruction crossdressing causes are not a figment of my imagination.

7.  Satan tries to get us to compare one part of our life to another.  I’m such a good person in other ways so its okay that I do this one sin.  Keller makes the joke, but serious joke, that mafia hit men rationalize their murdering of people because at least they love their mothers.  It’s a strong point.  How many of us have argued that in general we are good people, who love our families, work at our jobs, serve in our churches, so really what’s the big deal if we allow one little sin like crossdressing in our private lives?


Satan accuses us (lying to us), making us feel either a lower view of God’s love than we should, or a lower view of God’s holiness than we should.

1.  Satan wants us to look more at our sin than at our Savior.  He wants us to dwell on our past sins and condemn ourselves.   I have talked to many crossdressers who cannot imagine how God could still love them or forgive them.  And in their despair, they continue to crossdress.  But it is not our own righteousness that causes God to love us or forgive us.  In Jesus we can be completely forgiven and saved, and so we can live in joy and grace and obedience without despair.

2.  Satan wants us to obsess over past sins that have done damage that can’t be undone.   My crossdressing has hurt people, including my wife.  I have done some terrible things I’m ashamed of.  But Satan is the one who wants me to dwell on the past to keep me stuck there.  In Jesus, I am forgiven, and I am a New Creation.  I live for the future everlasting joyful life with him.  I leave my sin behind me, and push forward towards the goal.

3.  Satan wants us to think that the troubles we are going through must be punishments from God.  Satan wants us to ignore the fact that Jesus died to take our punishment.  If we look at our suffering now and view it as God punishing us, then we won’t run to God for comfort and help and provision and peace.

4.  Satan wants us to think that our inner struggles can’t possibly be something a true Christian would have.  I used to feel this way myself.  With these crossdressing desires and addiction, could I really be a Christian?  Am I alone in this?  I have found that I am far from alone and that all Christians have deep struggles that they don’t talk about every day!  True Christians face temptations, of all kinds.  But there is victory in Jesus.  We don’t have to be afraid.


If we are going to resist Satan’s schemes, we need to be aware of them and understand them.  Please give this sermon a listen.

An Overview of Sex Addiction – Article

This is a helpful article explaining the ins and outs of sexual addictions – An Overview of Sex Addiction by Dorothy Hayden.  I really thought it accurate in many ways.  However when the author claimed that most of these addictions are the result of bad mother-child relationships or dysfunctional families, that threw me for a loop because that was not my experience and I know for many other crossdressers that was not their experience.

Here are some choice quotes that I think particularly relate to us who have struggled with crossdressing:

The majority of sexual compulsives live in isolation, filled with feelings of shame. Almost 100 percent of the people who come to me for an initial consultation — whether it be for compulsive use of prostitutes, phone sex, a fetish, cross dressing, or masochistic encounters with dominatrixes — relay that beneath the shame they feel in telling me their story, they also experience a sense of freedom that comes from finally being able to share with another human being the hidden, shameful, sexually compulsive acts that imprison them.

The life of a sex addict gradually becomes very small. The freedom of self is impaired. Energies are consumed. The rapacious need for a particular kind of sexual experience drives the addict to spend untold hours in the world of his addiction. 

Sexualizing is used as a magical elixir to meet needs without having to negotiate the ups and downs of intimate relationships.
(Just think about how crossdressing creates a fake woman instead of a real one you can talk to).

Patients often report that they feel fraudulent, living two separate lives with two different sets of values and goals. They feel they’re acting out a version of “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde.”


I will not google that

In relation to my last post about doing whatever it takes to quit crossdressing and fight temptation, I did a writing exercise that was helpful to me.  A television show reminded me of how kids used to do the discipline activity of writing something like “I will not hit my sister” 100 times on a piece of paper.  Such an activity I think is helpful because it really ingrains the idea in your head.

Recently, I looked at websites about crossdressing that I should not have looked at.  I repented and enjoyed God’s forgiveness and moved on.  But I did not want it to happen again, so I did this writing activity to help me be more vigilant when it comes to the internet and crossdressing.  Especially I want to be more vigilant around google and not searching for things that might seem harmless, but will lead me down a wrong path.  I thought writing this phrase out – “I will not google that” 100 times would be helpful for ingraining that idea in my head.  I’m not sure if I reached 100 times, but it turned into a wonderful devotional activity in the process, and a good reminder of why I don’t want to fall back into crossdressing or looking at crossdressing websites.  I highly recommend this writing activity.  Below is a sample section from my activity.

I will not google that
I will not google that.
I will not google that.
I will not google that cd filth
I will not google that cd rubbish
I will not google that stupid fiction
I will not google those perverted stories
I will not google those flickr pictures
I will not google that art
I will not google story filth
I will not google that perverted sin
I will not google this toxic stuff to my soul
I will not google pictures of women celebrities
I will not google pictures of women
I will not google pictures of men
I will not google pictures of clothes
I will not google seemingly harmless phrases
I will not google any cd fiction which is all trash
I will not google anything without a purpose
I will not google trying to find sinful things to fill my mind
I will not google in an addictive state ruining my life
I will not google and waste all the time in my life
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google anything about CD
I will not google CD filth
I will not google CD drawings
I will not google CD photos
I will not google when I am home alone
I will not google dresses that were not made for me
I will not google that which will rot my soul
I will not google that which will put me in bondage
I will not google that which will make me feel pain
I will not google that which will make me feel regret
I will not google that which will make me want to vomit later
I will not google that which will make me disappoint my God
I will not google that which will make me add to the sins Christ had to bear
I will not google that which will make me lose a battle
I will not google that which will make me break my victory streak
I will not google that which will disappoint my accountability partner
I will not google that which will disappoint my prayer group
I will not google that which will fill my mind with horrid images
I will not google that which will confuse my body’s sexuality
I will not google that which will bring rot to my soul
I will not google that which will pull me farther away from God
I will not google that which will pull me farther away from my wife
I will not google that which will make me hear God’s voice less well
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that evil filth
I will not google that stuff I Hate
I will not google that stuff that filled my life with bondage for so many years
I will not google that and become a slave
I will not google that and go back to slavery
I will not google that and confuse my sexuality
I will not google that and read about such nasty things
I will not google that and waste all of my time
I will not google that and waste all my time looking for wholesome CD stories because there aren’t any
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that no matter what
I will not google that no matter how much it entices me
I will not google that no matter if I am alone and can delete my history
I will not google that no matter how much my body wants it
I will not google that just because I want sexual pleasure
I will not google that because I want to masturbate
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google beautiful women instead of desiring my wife
I will not google women to lust after which is adultery
I will not google any women to lust at which is adultery
I will not google any people to lust at which is adultery
I will not google pictures of CD men to lust at which is homosexuality
I will not google pictures of any people to lust at which is messed up
I will not google any kind of crossdressing fiction because its all so nasty and wrong
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google that
I will not google any of that rubbish
I will not google that which I know God does not want me to
I will not google that because I know that is what is best for me
I will not google that because I know that God’s will is best
I will not google that because when I don’t google that I am always happiest
I will not google that because when I don’t, I am free
I will not google that because I know God gives me the strength not to
I will not google that you stupid devil
I will not google that because I am going to be victorious
I will not google that
I will not google that because I am the Lord’s child
I will not google that because I have the Holy Spirit living in me
I will not google that because God loves me
I will not google that because I am a man of God
I will not google that because I am a leader of God’s people
I will not google that because I have the promise of eternal life
I will not google that because my joy is full because of God’s salvation
I will not google that because God is my all in all and all that I need
I will not google that because God is my joy and my treasure
I will not google that because Jesus is coming back again to make me new and change my desires
I will not google that because God is with me, always.

I will not google that. I am free.

The horrors of addiction

This is a little video that I find very applicable to my life with crossdressing.

At the first, I crossdressed as almost an experiment of sorts, like the kiwi first eating the yellow orb, but not so sure what it was.  I was drawn to crossdressing somehow, but didn’t know why or what it would do for me.  I just one day put on a dress, and felt a sexual and emotional high, and wanted to do it again, and again.   It was an amazing feeling, those first times of crossdressing.  It felt so new and exciting.  I could think of almost nothing else while at school.  Just needed to get home and immediately crossdress again.

But as time went by, I needed more and more.  I needed more varieties of clothing.  I needed to look more like a woman.  I needed makeup.  I needed underwear.  You know how it goes.  To get the same high I needed more and more.  And the high lasted less long and it was less strong.  Both the sexual high and the emotional comfort/security/pleasantness of it all.  You see after the 2nd high, the kiwi doesn’t land so gracefully.  That was me too.  I started getting desperate and sloppy and almost getting caught.  I spent far too much time in the activity.

After a bit more time, I was out of control.  I felt like crossdressing owned me rather than me it.  I could not stop myself.  I “needed” it all the time.  I started not hanging out with friends so I could crossdress instead.  I made up excuses to stay home from events instead of going with the family, so I could be alone to crossdress.  It started ruining my life.  And it was making me distant from God.  That left me in a dark place, thankfully it did not last really long, and I started fighting the addiction, and have been fighting to this day many many years later.  And I have been enjoying every moment of freedom.  Even with a relapse, I still have enjoyed greatly these last years of freedom and joy and the natural highs of living life for God in abundance, without the unnatural perverted high of crossdressing that can never fully satisfy your soul.

Some of you are in the throes of this addiction.  I know from talking to so many of you.  You are looking like the kiwi at the end of the video.  You are shriveled up and dying.  You are doubting your faith, feeling distant from God, and feeling like you can’t be forgiven.  You have lost your job because of your addiction or you are close to it.  You have messed up your relationships with your kids and your wife.  You may be going through a divorce because of this addiction.  And one of the things I keep seeing is that the people who come to me who have had crossdressing ruin their life, they are isolated.  They have spent so much time in their addiction that they have very few good relationships, very few friendship, they are isolated and alone because like a drug addiction, a crossdressing addiction saps your life and time away.

Brothers, men out there reading this, get some help!  This addiction will not give you peace!  There is freedom and forgiveness around the corner!  Freedom and life!  Admit you have a problem, decide to fight it, and get help.  If you are interested, we have a whole community of men here ready to support you.