I am glad you found your way to this site.  Please enjoy reading my reflections on this difficult and confusing topic of crossdressing.  The intention of this site is to build a network of resources and a community of people trying to fight their crossdressing addictions together, and giving each other encouragement and advice.  Further, I write to help people think about crossdressing from a Christian and biblical perspective.  Hopefully this site can help us to understand ourselves better and find healing and forgiveness and freedom in our Lord Jesus Christ.   The issues of crossdressing and gender dysphoria surely have caused most of us great pain, anguish, and frustration in our private, public, and spiritual lives.

I am not an expert, but over the years I have worked hard at reading as many articles and books that I can about these issues, even those that I radically disagree with.  I still have much to read and learn.  I write out of my personal experience, my reading about crossdressing, my faith, and the theological education I have received.  I am a Christian pastor.  I myself used to struggle with the desire to crossdress and starting this site was one way for me to get support and healing for myself from this addiction while trying to help others at the same time.  In 2011, God gave me great victory over this struggle and I have been going strong ever since, with only a few times of struggle and failure.  You can read more about my story on the “About” page.  Through this blog a whole community of men have come together and given up their crossdressing addictions.  Some of them have even written on this blog not only through comments, but through “Guest Posts.”

Please feel free to comment and discuss even if you disagree with me.  I hold all email addresses with confidentiality, but for those of you who are rightly worried about security and anonymity, it’s easy to make a new email address with anonymous names, which you could do before commenting here.  While the point of this website is to help those who are trying to resist crossdressing, I welcome good comments from anybody even if you think crossdressing is a healthy activity.  I enjoy debating to a point, and will try to discuss with you in a healthy, peaceful way.  Perhaps we can have mutual learning and growth through the discussion.  I have been greatly helped by other bloggers, organizations, and articles which I have posted links to.  But as you comment, please keep in mind the purpose of my site.   I approve each comment individually.  I would rather just have comments completely open, but I have learned to monitor them because of past commenters crossing the line and harassing other commenters, or trolling.

Although I usually make clear distinctions between crossdressing as a sexual fetish addiction and crossdressing as a result of gender dysphoria/transgenderism, in some of my posts I talk about both at once with little distinction, and I have been criticized for doing so.  I am not ignorant of the important distinctions between the two issues.  But when I have not distinguished the two issues within an individual post, it is because my arguments against both issues are largely the same arguments and many posts apply to both issues equally.  There is far more overlap between these two gender issues than most people want to admit.  See this post for my thoughts about terms, labels, and types of crossdressers.

Thank you for being willing to read my thoughts.  If they help you, to God be the glory for what he has done in my life.  I thank him for being willing to use me.  Please comment below if you would like prayer in your struggle and I promise to dedicate time in prayer for you.

If you want some guidance in reading my posts, you can start with what I consider to be my “most important posts.”



*Please do not post your email in the body of the comment itself. It is important to protect yourself from spam and potential harassment by never publicly posting your personal information (such as your email address) on this or any other blog. Rest assured that I will keep your email address confidential.

509 comments on “Welcome!

  1. thorin25 says:

    AK, I’ll send you an email so you can email me privately.


  2. bigguy says:

    hello I have not crossdress since for around six months now I join the church and I look god heal me from crossdressing


  3. thorin25 says:

    that’s great bigguy! Keep up the good work! I encourage you to keep reading my blog posts and keep dialoguing with us


  4. jon says:

    HI, I wrote in last year concerning my lifelong struggles with cross dressing. I was finally confronted by my wife, who was living in a different state due my job and I was happy that we could work through the issue together. My wife could not or would not support me in my working through my off and on cross dressing throughout our married life. We have been separated for almost 2.5 years and she just filed for a divorce after almost 35 years of marriage stating that my cross dressing was the “straw that broke the camels back”. of course cd issue wasn’t the only thing that contributed to our marriage breaking up but combined with her issues of childhood abuse and a mirriad of other thinksead to our divorce. I appreciate you sticking with your husband through this sin gripping issue of cross dressing. I think it is very important, ateast in my struggle to find people, friends and family to keep you accountable and Love you through this time now and in the future. Second, sound Christian counseling should be found and used. I found and still digging that there underlying issues in your life that contribute to cross dressing. The sooner this areas are revealed and exposed the less Satan can use this in our lives. The Bible tells this true too, that God is light and when our sins are exposed healing can began. Some verses that I keep in arsenal is, Psalm 119: 132 – 133 used throughout my recovery from cross dressing. Verse 133 say, “Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me”. My divorce will still glorify God and built both my wife and I to be more like Jesus. To God be the glory.


  5. Bigguy says:

    I have not dress up in woman’s clothing now since Dec but I steal get the feeling to something help me not to the other day this friend had this nice black I thought I would like to wear that dress before I would go out and by me a dress now I not doing that so the bible and church has help me


  6. thorin25 says:

    That’s great bigguy, well done!


  7. gcdrk says:

    Hi Thorin,

    How are you doing friend??

    Do you remember me?

    I haven’t come here in a while. I am now marching on my third year without CD in my life. I am pretty happy:)


  8. thorin25 says:

    Gcdrk, yes i do indeed remember you! Thanks for checking in once again and giving us the good news. How would you like to write a guest post about your story of giving up crossdressing?


  9. lona says:

    Update: I went away and my husband stayed busy while I was gone so he didn’t give into temptation. So he says. I want to believe him.
    Still struggling with trust.
    We have separate accounts for our talk space counseling.
    We don’t talk about his issue much. I don’t know that we need to. It just feels like we are ignoring it. When i first found out, I thought about it constantly (I still think about it but not so much) and had so many questions.
    We are on vacation as a family now. It makes it impossible for him to act on his CD.
    I really wish he’d come to this site. I think it would be helpful. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to, he just gets busy.
    We are going on dates and living like we did before. I guess as a CD wife I want him to be actively working on it and get fixed asap. I know he’s a work in progress.


  10. thorin25 says:

    It sounds like positive things are happening. And you don’t want to be talking about it constantly as that can just feed it. Allow your husband to focus on other things besides CD, focusing on the important things in life, that is a helpful part of recovery, (as long as he isn’t burying his feelings so that they will explode later). Some day when you are alone together and have free time, you could just take a few minutes to look at this site together to introduce him to it, then he may pick interest and read more on his own another time.


  11. kumarnaveen says:

    It is good for depression people as it explain the disease and helps understnd it well for patient benefit.nv life is goodfor other problem also very helpful


  12. zahdah says:

    Do I make it impossible for my husband to rescue me? He says when I get so angry (triggers), that it’s like I’m shooting flaming arrows, or throwing knives, at him. So then he just has to leave me alone, wait for me to stop being angry, to stop seeing him as the enemy. Then he can rescue me. But the problem with that, is that then I no longer need him to resume me. And then I feel so alone again. That when I needed him the most, it (I) was too hard for him, and he left me. When I’m so angry, probably not very nice, even lashing out at him, I do desperately need him. To let me know that he’s still there for me, that he still loves me, no matter how bad I get.


  13. Ari says:

    Hi Zahdah

    I know how you feel! So I’m going to share from my personal experience.

    Your hubby needs exactly what you need. As you say, when you’re so angry, probably not very nice, even lashing out at him… When you need him most, even he desperately needs you. In his darkest moment and darkest sin he needs you to let him know that you’re still there for him, that you still love him, no matter how bad he gets.

    You see, you’re yearning for Agape in the hardest of times but so is he. The Word says ‘while we were yet sinners Christ died for us’. That’s telling me in my darkest sin, Christ looked upon me with love NOT condemnation and He died for me, He saw me as worth dying for. So, without condemning your hubby in his sin, show him the agape love because that is what saved you, not anger or condemnation. For the bible tells us there is no condemnation for us and that Christ didn’t come to condemn us, He came to set us free. We are saved by grace not anger and condemnation.

    Now, I know the anger because I have been there enough times now. The shut down approach which is possibly just as bad if not worse than lashing out. The anger is far more destructive where love builds. Also, people mirror us. When we love them, they react in love too. When we lash out, they lash out in their own way too. Example, when you’re angry, I think you said for him it’s a trigger. Your anger might be out of stress and fear of the future and his reaction is triggered by the same things, stress and fear.
    When you are angry you would like him to let you know he’s still there and loves you. That’s great, but YOU take the first step and show him love even when you don’t agree with his behaviour. He will respond in love and even if he doesn’t initially, don’t give up because otherwise it looks like you were pretending. You set the tone in your home, whether in anger or in love. It’s your decision which atmosphere will prevail each day.


  14. thorin25 says:

    Zahdah did your husband leave you for good? Your comment wasn’t clear. Ari responded well to your comment so I won’t repeat. Thanks Ari


  15. thorin25 says:

    W, I’m very sorry to hear your painful story of the sins and destructive power of that sin in your life. However, I have decided to delete your comment as it was very graphic, even for me who has read a lot of stuff people have been through. The graphic nature of your confession is not only difficult to read but could prompt temptation in others. We don’t need all the details 🙂 I hope I am not offending you by deleting it. If you would like to repost something shorter and more general, that would be great, as it is important to share your story with others.

    I’m glad you recognize how bad these activities are, and that you are trying to give it up. There is hope. All things are possible with God! The process of sanctification can be slow, but you can get healing in your heart and mind from these past activities, and you can stop these sins.

    To start, I recommend reading this post, and then joining our prayer group:


  16. Bigguy says:

    that nasty and disgusting should be private I agree with thorn comment
    I was a crossdresser to I never did things like that you said and I did the same things to boy cloths and expensive ones fashion cloths and Victoria secrets stuff to now I took god and the bible in my life that save me and I ask god for his forgiveness of crossdressing


  17. Charles West says:

    I went on this website about a year and a half ago. I stayed with it for about 2 months and then dropped off, mainly because I needed more than computer contact for support. I am very depressed in life (never ever suicidal though). I will be 59 in a few months and I am an x-pastor (working a mundane job since I left the ministry 15 years ago, —not for any scandal, just because I became useless to God and did Him a favor and stepped down to replace me with a real man of God, not this hypocrite). I have been CDing since grade-school and the longest I ever went without CDing since I started has been slightly over 2 months (That’s it folks! That’s the best my will power will take me. What a waste of life). I have never ever experienced God’s inner strength when confronted with this issue. Never! It always seemed it was up to me. I feel extremely hopeless and lost. I CD because of constant discouragement in my life. My marriage of 36 years is lonely (we get along very well, we just kind of exist together). My wife learned about my CD many, many years ago. She wasn’t happy with it (thank God!) and so I just ended up hiding it from her. Unfortunately she thinks it is no longer part of my life. And my view of God is weak at best. I have read many of the articles on this site and I always make strong commitments to being free from this, but the problem I run into is when discouragement, depression and hopelessness overwhelm me, all motivation and rational argument goes out the window and I seek my comfort zone. I despise myself for my addiction. I have spoke a time or two with a Christian counselor, but the cost and the lack of “real” identification has kept me from returning. I’m not even sure why I’m sending this but I thought I would just reach out. My Christian walk is an embarrassment of personal and private failure with a sin that I have a love-hate relationship with. Has anyone else experience the sobering reality that this is a bondage that there is no freedom from? I came to Christ at a very young age (4th grade) and yet I still do this. How can that be??????? How can Christ have such meager power over my life. There is such a vast discrepancy between my life and what I read in the scriptures. If any man be in Christ he is a new creature. Apparently, I missed the boat somewhere.


  18. Charles West says:



    A few hours after posting my comments, I happen to come across an article on the disastrous consequences of ingratitude. It is an understatement to say that my eyes were opened to something very serious. All these decades I have been trying to get victory over something that is not even the real problem. It is just a consequence of the problem. This might be an oversimplification of the issue, but consider the article below:


    The Apostle Paul described the autonomy of unbelief bluntly: “Knowing God, they have refused to honor Him as God, or to render Him thanks.” His words are a reminder that rebellion against God does not begin with the clenched fist of atheism but with the self-satisfied heart of the one for whom “thank you” is redundant. All sin is simply an expression of ingratitude.

    Ingratitude leads us directly into a sinful mindset.

    Consider the Gentiles, who “did not glorify” God, “nor were thankful.”

    For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God NOR GAVE THANKS to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools… (Rom. 1:21,22)

    From this seemingly harmless beginning springs the “debased mind”(v. 28) which includes homosexuality, covetousness, and murder [and may I add CD]. As mind-boggling as it might seem, we must conclude that NOT BEING THANKFUL led eventually to grievous sin so great that “God gave them up”(v. 26).

    The sin of unthankfulness has a consequence far out of proportion to what we would expect.

    Paul warned Timothy that “perilous times will come” when men are “blasphemers, disobedient to parents” and “UNTHANKFUL” (2 Tim 3:1-2). Not only is ingratitude placed alongside other deplorable sins, it is a sure sign that “perilous times” have come. The world is indeed a frightening place when people only acknowledge God to blame Him for what is not perfect in their lives.

    Their ingratitude pushes them headlong into spiritual catastrophe.

    Sadly, ingratitude is not restricted to Gentiles or the world, but is often a cancer among God’s people as well. Three days out of the Red Sea, Israel began to complain against Moses (Ex 15:22-24), and their complaining never seemed to stop. They wanted water, or bread, or meat. They wanted to go back to slavery. “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness?”(Num 21:5). Had they forgotten the great oppression they were under in Egypt? Did they not remember the horrific plagues God had brought upon Pharaoh? Had they not walked together through the Sea on dry land?

    Yet God’s people were not thankful for His tremendous deliverance, and it led to a spiritual catastrophe: “their bodies were scattered in the wilderness”(1 Cor 10:5). Had they been grateful for God’s grace toward them, surely He would have blessed them tremendously.

    Yet again we see that ingratitude has disastrous spiritual consequences.

    For Christians ingratitude is similarly destructive.

    The command to sing in Colossians 3:16 is sandwiched by “be thankful”(v 15) and “giving thanks to God the Father through Him”(v 17). Thanksgiving is the fuel for our worship. When our singing, praying, and preaching are limp and lifeless, more than likely it is a casualty of unthankfulness. We are also to “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God”(Phil 4:6). Giving thanks fills our minds with God’s goodness and power rather than our anxieties and disappointments. However, if we neglect thanksgiving, our prayer will remain full of worry and ingratitude always leads us directly into a sinful mindset. Our despondent moods are for the most part, moods of ingratitude.

    Further, we must not let fornication, uncleanness, or covetousness be named among us, “neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, BUT RATHER GIVING OF THANKS.”(Eph 5:3-4). Gratitude is therefore also essential to cleaning up our thoughts and speech. It is very difficult to be filthy or coarse (or to even think in those terms) when we are discussing the great works of our great God.

    A Christian without gratitude is just a shell of a Christian: ingratitude always leads us directly into a sinful mindset, unable to worship, anxious about worldly cares, filled with sinful speech, craving fleshly satisfaction and drawn away from Christ.

    He is heading toward spiritual ruin.

    Resentment and gratitude cannot coexist, since resentment blocks the perception and experience of life as a gift. My resentment tells me that I don’t receive what I deserve. It always manifests itself in envy. Gratitude, however, claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to celebrate with joy.

    By withholding gratitude, I find myself drawn into the vast interior labyrinth of my complaints, and I become more and more lost until, in the end, I feel myself to be the most misunderstood, rejected, neglected, and despised person in the world. Ingratitude leads us directly into a sinful mindset.

    We have inherited the dysfunction of our parents Adam and Eve in constantly reaching for something more than we have been given. We do that only because we are not truly grateful for a God who has lavished more blessings on us than we can see. Usually, it is not until we have lost the good garden that we start thinking of it as paradise.

    There is an alternative. You can choose to be grateful, to settle into the blessings that will not last so long. But to do that you will have to find the love of God in what you have.

    The good news is that we can avoid the pitfalls of ingratitude. A true consideration of the wonderful things God has given to us leads naturally to thankfulness.

    Thanksgiving is one of the most exciting and powerful antidotes to moral apathy and spiritual indifference available to human beings.

    Gratitude must be cultivated. It is not a simple emotion or obvious attitude. Living gratefully requires patience. Grateful people learn to celebrate amid life’s hard and harrowing memories because they know that the Father’s pruning is no mere punishment, but preparation.

    It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes a habit of life.

    Cultivating a grateful heart is not just an add-on nicety, a civil tip of the hat to God as we steamroll through our day. A posture of purposeful, perpetual thanks to Christ is absolutely central to Christian character. It gives glory to our Savior. It is the key defense against Satan’s temptations to despair, distrust and dysfunction. It protects us from sin and self. It is the hallmark of heaven. It does not exist in hell.

    Life will bring you pain all by itself. Your responsibility is to create joy. The practice of gratitude is perhaps the most under-scrutinized way to grow spiritually. It is the fastest way to connect with the joy of being alive.

    “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. AND BE THANKFUL. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs WITH GRATITUDE IN YOUR HEARTS TO GOD. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, GIVING THANKS to God the Father through Him.” (Col. 3:15-17)

    —Compiled by various authors


  19. thorin25 says:

    Charles, I know it may seem hopeless, but there is always hope! I know from experience, and I know we serve a God who is all powerful and all loving at the same time, thus there is always hope.

    I understand your need for real life contact rather than only online. I would prefer you would be in our prayer group online in addition to having a real life pastor, and real life accountability partner. That trio would be more helpful.

    About depression, that is a serious issue, and could be what keeps you from being victorious over crossdressing. If you don’t believe there is any hope, if you don’t believe you can beat it, if you are utterly depressed all the time, then of course you’ll keep failing.

    I would suggest reading the book Spiritual depression, by Martin Lloyd Jones. http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Depression-Its-Causes-Cure/dp/0802813879/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1442804948&sr=8-1&keywords=spiritual+depression

    It’s a little dry at times, but it’s a really good book, and I think it may very well help you. Secular counselors often regard depression as something we can do very little about, but he has a different view, he sees the spiritual components to it, and see what we can do about it.

    There is hope to be free from this, but you first have to believe that you can stop, and you have to want to stop, and I think because of your depression, those are the first two things you can’t hurdle yet. Let’s keep talking and let me know what you think of that book


  20. CW says:

    Hi Thorin, thank you for your reply. I just so happen to have the book “Spiritual Depression” on my shelf. Someone gave it to me awhile back but I allowed busyness to keep from getting to it. But based on what you said I will definitely read the book and I will start immediately.
    Thank you!


  21. Charles West says:


    I will never be able to thank you enough for directing me to read the book “Spiritual Depression” by Dr. Martyn Lloyd Jones. I only read two chapters so far, but chapter 2 literally broke me!

    I am ashamed to say that I have spent my entire Christian life having a form of head knowledge of “justification by faith” but never truly believing it in my heart. Like John Wesley, (as he mentions), I knew the doctrine of justification by faith, I defended it, I even preached it from the pulpit, but it was head knowledge, intellectual theology, not heart experience (after all, it was too good to be true). And therefore I was a miserable Christian trying to “sanctify myself” without first grasping, believing and reveling in the astounding doctrine of God’s way of justifying me.

    I loved Christ, all these many years, I just had difficulty believing that a rotten piece of garbage like me would be accepted by God apart from me trying to prove to God that I can be a really good guy. I always saw justification as a kind of “entrance” into the Christian life but in reality it was up to me to do the best to live this life (almost like Paul said in Galatians, “Having begun in the Spirit are you now made perfect by the flesh?”) As a pastor I would preach against salvation by works and yet in my own personal daily living it was always striving and trying and making promises and doing the best I can.

    I even laughed at a Christian friend of mine one day who quoted 2 Corinthians 5:21 to me and said, “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.” I looked at him and said “Yeah right. A rotten sinner like me?” I never truly believed it because of the remnants of sin still in my life. And this is why I could never go on into actual victorious sanctification because I never properly embraced justification (Gods way of making me right). To me the Christian life was nothing but striving and failing and starting all over again and striving and failing and trying better next time. What misery.

    As I read that chapter at first I was a little annoyed because I thought why are we going through the ABC’s of the Gospel? But as I progressed and he pounded away at that truth I began to see it so clearly. Toward the last page I just broke down in tears. The scales came off my eyes. I am justified and made righteous in Christ, not by works that I have done but because of the finished work of Jesus on Calvary. That is so basic to so many people and they would probably roll their eyes looking at a veteran Christian making that statement, but I understand now how that is the very foundation, NOT with which to BUILD my life but to COMPLETELY REST my life in.

    Like the good doctor wrote: “As long as you go on thinking about yourself and saying: “Ah, yes, I would like to say I’m a Christian, but I am not good enough; I am a sinner, a great sinner,” then you are denying God and you will never be happy. You will continue to be cast down and disquieted in your soul. You will think you are better at times and then again you will find that you were not as good as you thought you were. You read the lives of the saints and you realize that you are nowhere. So you keep asking: “what can I do? I still feel that I am not good enough.” Forget yourself! Forget all about yourself. Of course you are not good enough, you never will be good enough. The Christian way of salvation tells you this, that it does not matter what you have been, it does not matter what you have done…. It does not matter if you have almost entered into the depths of hell, if you are guilty of murder as well as every other vile sin, it does not matter from the standpoint of being justified with God. You are no more hopeless than the most respectable self-righteous person in the world —do you believe that?

    “Look to Christ and to Christ alone and to nothing and no one else. Stop looking at particular sins and particular people. Look at nothing and nobody but look entirely to Christ and say:

    My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus blood and righteousness, I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus name, On Christ the solid rock I stand, All other ground is sinking sand.

    “You must so believe that as to be able to go further and say with holy boldness:

    The terrors of the law and of God With me can have nothing to do, My Saviors obedience and blood Hide all my transgressions from view.”

    After explaining justification by faith alone, he often asked people the question, “Well, now are you quite happy about it? Do you believe that?” He said he often had people hesitate to answer saying that they did not feel that they were good enough. And that was me. But as I finished the chapter, and I thought deeply about what he wrote, I was able to say (probably from the heart for the first time in my entire life), “Yes, I believe it! I BELIEVE IT! It is true that I am not good enough, but that is not the point! Jesus Christ did everything that had to be done to make me right with God.”

    Before I started reading this book I was weighed down with such heavy guilt and looking at such a bleak future, realizing that I have to start all over again to try to prove to Jesus that I’m doing my best to be a good Christian. Even that article I sent on ingratitude and the horrific consequences of such a life, I saw “gratitude” as another virtue that I had to strive for. But after reading AND BELIEVING the second chapter of Spiritual Depression, I sat there weeping for I knew right then and there that I am accepted in the beloved. I don’t have to try to impress God, I don’t have to feel like God is my enemy, I don’t have to try to earn points with God or even His love, I don’t have to show God that I am worthy of heaven, I don’t have to strive, the weight just lifted right off me and now I have this confidence that when I do face my temptation (and I’d be a fool to think I won’t), it is no longer from the objective of me trying to prove anything to God. For I am already accepted in the beloved, I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, and I won’t be facing the temptation from the standpoint of the law in the flesh, but rather from the freely bestowed grace of my precious Savior, who has already received this vile sinner.

    Not by works of righteousness that I have done but according to his mercy he saved me. Thank you again my friend for pointing me in the right direction.


  22. W says:

    I was introduced to crossdressing as a young boy by a female relative who gave me girl’s nightgown and panties to wear to bed while my clothes were being cleaned. I don’t think she meant anything by it and would never blame her for my sins, but it was the beginning of a long battle with crossdressing that I still fight. I found I liked wearing female clothing and looked forward to wearing it again. It started out as almost as a game or a thrill that I thought I could stop anytime I wanted to, but it morphed into something much darker when I got older. I got strong powerful urges to dress up like a girl that didn’t let up until I finally gave in to it. I was a slave to my crossdressing. It controlled me. I also got other terrible urges and thoughts only while dressed like a girl that I unfortunately acted on that led to terrible consequences. When I realized the power this sin had over me and its demonic influence, I tried to stop many times. Purging my female clothing or female clothing I had stolen. Sometimes I could go months cold turkey without dressing up at all, but the urge was always there. Then I was back to dressing up again telling myself the lie it was no big deal and just clothing and since girls crossdress by wearing pants, I should be able to wear a skirt. Then I would purge again. What started as a childish game had led to a powerful addition that I couldn’t seem to let go. I know it is wrong and have tried to leave it behind many times, but I keep going back to it. For nothing more than a short-lived empty thrill, this sin has taken my time and money and given me nothing in return but shame, guilt, and pain. I should be smart enough to leave it all behind forever, since it is hurting me, but I keep coming back for something that is empty. I have tried on my own to stop and have failed, but I am hoping to one day finally be free of this sin.


  23. thorin25 says:

    Ah, fills me with joy to read your comment Charles. Thank you. You are the beginning of new life! What a wonderful realization. It’s the people that think salvation by grace is simple and roll their eyes, that don’t really get it. It is anything but simple. It is the people who realize they need the good news preached to them every week that get it. We continually struggle with works righteousness, not as a doctrine, but in our heart. It is our tendency to never feel good enough, to flee God when we sin, to doubt our salvation when we sin, to only feel good when we accomplish something, etc. Another book that is much shorter that might also be really good for you, only 50 pages long is this – http://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Self-Forgetfulness-Path-Christian/dp/1906173419/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1443023586&sr=8-1&keywords=freedom+of+self+forgetfulness

    This book perhaps more than any other in my life, spoke right to my heart. Thank you for your testimony! You should join our prayer group.


  24. thorin25 says:

    W thank you so much for being willing to post a new less graphic comment and not being frustrated with me. It is good for us to hear your testimony.

    We want to help you. There is hope. You can change.

    To start, I recommend reading this post, and then joining our prayer group:

    Please stay in touch, and keep reading, and keep discussing


  25. Charles West says:


    I will certainly check out the other book you mentioned, as I do enjoy the writings and sermons of Timothy Keller. I’m going to make my way through Martin Lloyd Jones book first. I have a tendency to start books but never finish them and since this one really touched my heart I’d like to keep moving on with it.

    I spent the day in Psalm 51 today. I find that too often we reserve this Psalm for moments of failure, but I think it should be read and prayed through even on a good day.

    It was a serious reminder that I came into this world a sinner, brought forth in iniquity (v. 5), which means it’s going to take more than just resolutions, good intentions and personal aspirations to be free from that which has bound me for so long. It requires a Savior, a wonderful Savior filled with lovingkindness and tender mercies with the ability to “WASH me… CLEANSE me… CREATE in me a clean heart… RENEW a steadfast spirit… RESTORE the joy of salvation and UPHOLD me by His generous Spirit.”

    One of the things that I found quite sobering was verse 17:

    The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.

    I was a little taken back by the word “despise.” Why would David use the word “despise” in reference to God receiving someone with a broken and contrite heart? I would expect David to say something like, “These, O God, You will receive joyfully.” But he doesn’t.

    Then it dawned on me. As I read that verse I was reminded of what Nathan the prophet said to David when he confronted him about his sin. (2 Sam 12:9-10) He asked: “Why have you DESPISED the commandment of the Lord to do evil in his site?” Through the prophet, God says to David: “…you have DESPISED Me…”

    It is a frightening and sobering thought to think that you can have a history of deep fellowship with God as a young shepherd boy, praying, singing, worshipping and penning some of the most astounding Psalms, you can be used of God to do the mightiest of deeds like slaying Goliath, you can be classified as a “man after God’s own heart,” and even be chosen by God to be the king of His miracle nation —and yet reach a place in your life where you sink low enough to be accused of “despising” God.

    To him that thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall.

    I thought of my own life, how God called me to Himself when I was just a young boy and all the blessings that He so freely bestowed on me all these many years, all the mercy and forgiveness that He showed time and time again, His astounding patience, all the biblical truth that I found to be so incredible, all the beauty that I saw in my precious Savior —and yet I had to confess that when I walk away from God to fulfill my own lustful desire it comes from a heart that DESPISES God. Unbelievable.

    David probably thought long and hard on those words of Nathan and especially the accusation of being one who DESPISED God.

    Is it any wonder that in David’s prayer of repentance he uses the very word that he was accused of:

    The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will NOT DESPISE.

    It is almost like David was saying, “Lord, it is true. I have despised You. But I am confident that as I come to You in brokenness and with a contrite heart, I know that You will NOT DESPISE me.”

    And that is so typical of our Savior. Full of loving kindness and tender mercies.


  26. Alec says:

    Very happy to find your website. I am a recovering sex addiction turned on by crossdressing since age 14. I am 53 now. I am going through SA and try to be a Christian as well. Difficult to control when wife is out of town, not so hard when with her but get withdrawal symptoms which can result in anger and depression. I am working through it though and have masturbated much less this summer, which has caused me to CD much less. I have been with sexaholics anonymous for three months now. I feel more human though and more of a man when I can stay sexually sober. I am glad you have your site. Too many people give in to their desires. CD recovery sites need to grow. I seek help as some others do on crossdressers.com but I always hear the.same thing, pro CD comments, or CDing is not an addiction, can never get rid of it, etc…..of course that is what people will hear on a pro CD site, kind of like an alcoholic showing up at a college fraternity party where beer is worshipped.
    I would like to give my testimony, where can I post?


  27. thorin25 says:

    haha your comment about the fraternity was pretty funny. So good to hear from you. Thank you for stopping by and wanting to share your story.

    If you want to write up your testimony, I can share it here as a guest post – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/guest-posts-2/

    I will email you so you have my email, just email your final draft


  28. Charles West says:


    I’m glad for the good work you are doing here. But I’m going to have to bail from your website. I find when I read people’s stories, testimonies and in some cases ongoing struggles, it stirs up feelings and emotions which cause me to think about crossdressing rather than flee from it. I seem to do fine throughout the week when I focus on God’s word but I notice when I check in on the website it starts to remind me of things I’d rather not allow into my head. I am confident that many men are getting help from this site, but it seems to have the opposite affect on me. Thank the Lord I have not fallen (as of yet) but I think if I keep referring to the crossdressing it just may open some doors for me I’d rather not face. Continue your good work and may the Lord bless you.


  29. Alec says:

    I totally understand. I belong to Sexaholics Anonymous and we’re very careful about triggers, of which someone caused me to slip last weekend. Thanks for the reminder as I am trying to put together my own testimony to be careful of what I say.


  30. thorin25 says:

    I understand Charles. Don’t worry. But I would challenge you in one way. Sometimes we only escape temptation because we are suppressing it, we distract ourselves. But this can be dangerous, because temptations will come. Eventually we can no longer keep the distractions at bay. Reading a site like this forces you to face the temptations, think through them, and then exercise self control. I tried for years to fight it the way you are doing, but i would continue to fail a couple times a month. It was when I finally stopped, faced the desires, thought them through, analyzed them, and then made a clear decision to resist them, that I finally started healing. Now I can work on this blog every day and it doesn’t throw me at all. But in the end, you know yourself best and what you need. So if it’s best for your walk with God to stop checking in here, that is fine. God bless you!


  31. Matt says:

    Hi I am 15 years old and come from a very strong Christian family. I started having struggles when I was 12 and my father talked to me about them. He said that they came because of the stage I was at. I stopped and was free for two years. Then then came back. I have let in to those temptations several times and now I have trouble resisting them. I was wondering if this is just another stage or if it is leading to something bigger. I want to deal with these sins before I grow older. Thanks. By the way I found your website very encouraging.


  32. Sad Sally says:

    I am so happy to find this site. I am a wife that discovered my husbands cross dressing. We are both Christians and married 2 years. He denies his behavior when I carefully and gently bring it up.. I know he is ashamed and afraid. I am desperate for help from a Christian man or woman on how to love and understand him, knowing the subject is totally untouchable and it is causing a wall between us. I struggle with being sexually turned off (grossed out) at the thought of him in women’s clothing (mostly under garments) and it has caused major trust issues since he is lying and deceiving me in order not to be exposed. I have not raged out about it although I want to scream and cry out loud. I have asked him lovingly to be honest about his activities and he of course gets angry and defensive. I understand he is afraid or has fooled himself into thinking it is ok behavior.
    Is there a way you can help me?
    In Christ, Sad Sally


  33. thorin25 says:

    Hi Matt, thanks for your comment and your story and your encouragement to me. I’d love to talk a little more, and I encourage you to keep reading posts on my site to help you understand yourself better. Here is a list of my posts, you have a lot of reading you can do 🙂

    I’m confused what you mean by “stage” and what did your father mean? It takes courage to tell a family member. I never told my father. How did he react?

    It’s probably not leading to something bigger, and it’s probably something that will never fully leave you. But the more you give in to the desires, the more the desires will grow. The more you give in, the more an addiction will form that will dominate your life. Listen to those of us who’ve been there, and put up a fight, don’t give in, keep wrestling against the desires. Look at real girls instead of creating a fake one out of yourself. You can do this, with God’s help. The first step is making a commitment to never give in, period. And secondly, please keep reading to understand yourself better and understand the dangers you put yourself in if you decide to continue crossdressing and begin this horrible addiction.


  34. thorin25 says:

    Sally, I’m so sorry that you just had to experience this. I’m actually working on a post right now that will address the exact situation you are in, and how you can respond. But I’m not finished yet. In the meantime, you can explore my site, read my posts, read articles I’ve linked to, to better understand the situation your husband is in. Please be quick to listen and understand, slow to anger, but don’t believe all the websites out there that say crossdressing is harmless and that you should tolerate it.

    You should feel free to talk with other women on this page of my site, and you might get some good help by reading through the comments there and see what other wives have gone through and how they responded – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/

    Your husband is sinning right now in this activity, but more so, in his lying to you. You could suggest to him, whether by talking or by a note, that he read this site and get some help. We have an email prayer group that could really help him out. And some of my posts might snap him back to reality.

    In the meantime, I will pray for you both right now.


  35. Matt says:

    My father noticed me struggling with something and asked me what it was, so I told him. I had just turned 12 and he said that it was because of puberty and sperming. What I meant by stages is sexual maturing. Thank you for your posts. I have being able to look through my temptations and not fall into this horrible sin for a week.
    In Christ,


  36. Matt says:

    I have also not told my father of my recent struggles. One reason being is in my normal life I am a very Masculine boy. I am practicing the art of sword fighting and loving blowing things up and shooting. I am also into boxing. When these temptations come and I fall into them it is like I am a completely different self. When I am finished with this sin I fell ashamed and embarrassed with my self. I am also not one for being the centre of attention, so right know the only one I have confessed to is my Father in heaven, and of course the men on this sight.
    Thank you for your help.
    In Christ,


  37. thorin25 says:

    Matt, you are still a boy, a man. You crossdress because for you its become an alternative to a real girl, or in your case an alternative to porn or sexual fantasies in your head. You make a make-believe girl instead of lusting after a real one. In that way, you aren’t so different from the guy your age who is masturbating and looking at pornography. But because crossdressing is focused on self, and because it can confuse you about your gender, it can be even more damaging in some ways than pornography, and some people actually do get sex change surgery down the road because they fall so much in love with their “female” they created.

    Consider joining our prayer group, and please keep reading –


  38. Vivienne says:

    This is a comment for Sad Sally. Dear Sally, I really sympathise with what you are going through. I told my wife about my crossdressing a couple of years into our marriage. Like you, she was (and is) completely disgusted by it. Unlike you, she had no interest in talking to me about it or hearing my side. In any case, we struggled on through the next 15 years, getting gradually more and more miserable, and I think we have finally reached the end. It’s more messy for us because we have kids.

    Whatever your husband tells you now, his crossdressing will never go away. He may be able to suppress it for a while (sometimes long periods, probably), but the desire will never leave him. No matter how hard he prays, and you pray, it will always be there.

    It will be more difficult for both of you if he can’t or won’t talk about it. That way, he can’t explain himself, and you won’t be able to agree on boundaries around it to make it manageable.

    It’s been a very long and painful journey for us. It might be worth mentally fast-forwarding your life by 15 years, to consider what it would look like if he were still dressing, and wanted to do it more than you were comfortable with. And then you need to make the decision if you want to walk that road.



  39. Matt says:

    That is horrible, I guess I never quiet understood why I did it. Know I now, thank you for telling me so now I can look at and examine my self. I guess what you said horrified me because know I now the extend of it and how I am damaging my self. Thank you.
    Yes ,I will consider joining your prayer group.
    In Christ


  40. Anonymous says:

    My husband is struggling with this addiction and we are trying to work through it. It has been years and a challenging road that words cannot express. He’s giving up hope. He’s frustrated that the urges may never leave and he will never have the strength to not act on his urges. Your words and experience give us both some hope. It’s been difficult and frustrating for us both because there are no recovery programs, support groups, or even specific counselors for CD. You give us hope that there are others who struggle with this and that it is possible to get to a place where it doesn’t control our lives. Its been difficult for both of us to be so alone in this. I know the urges and scars will remain, but like you said, there is a greater joy in living with those urges and not acting on them- healthier relationships, emotional connection that wasn’t possible in the midst of such a secretive addiction, and not living with the daily shame that comes from living this secret. We believe in God and strive to live our lives for him. But after so many years of struggling with CD, my husband has stopped believing God is more powerful than this struggle. I am reaching out for any help you can offer. My husband needs to know someone who has walked this path and overcome it, as do I. Please contact me if you feel prompted that you could help.


  41. thorin25 says:

    Thanks for the note and for reaching out. There is definitely hope! I encourage you both to keep reading the posts on my site, and please suggest to your husband that he join our email support and prayer group – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    My site is full of ideas of how to heal from this, change, and resist temptation, and many links to other resources that will help. Just got to spend some good time reading and putting in the work to change, but change can happen. I’ll pray for you both right now


  42. Alec says:

    Thank you for the reply Tempted. I have been sober from crossdressing for seven weeks now. It has been difficult and not masturbating either but know that is part of the sexual addiction aspect of it. The sexaholics group has helped but I have been working much of that time. Being back with my wife, after being away nearly five months has strangely made it more difficult but mainly because I haven’t been able to attend my group. More to come, must continue to stay the course.


  43. Joel says:

    Hi there,
    Please feel free to email me privately.
    Struggling with what actually took place in my life…here is a synopsis.

    Born and raised a Christian, still am. Totally straight, never an attraction to guys ever.
    I was raised with the belief that sex is something special in marriage, so I saved myself for my wife. She had one sexual partner before me.

    We married, and are still. Sex has always been something I’ve had to initiate in marriage. I would say 80-90% of the time I do, i’ve gotten a no for various reasons. And not overly enthusiastic when yes. I’ve come to the realization that this probably hurt me over time.

    I’ve always casually watched pornography through my teens, and during marriage have resorted to that and masturbation at times. I would always say my first choice was my wife though. Pornography led to different forms and ways to masturbate. Which eventually led to trying crossdressing.

    I realize I developed a fetish a few years ago, because I really only liked wearing lingerie. This was used for self-gratification. I also was talking to others who dressed online. I admit it wasn’t always appropriate. I even met a few others while dressed. Though I did so with the agreement that I was not looking for anything sexual between us. Still inappropriate, and the “normal” me, would always have known this was.

    I broke at the point of the last meet. Where I was convicted by all i’ve done. While I haven’t committed adultery and would never do anything with anyone else that I would do with my wife ie, kiss, hold hands, etc I feel like I don’t know how all this happened.

    I was such a stand up Christian guy. People who know me would say that. Always focused on being loyal to my wife, and stood for that. Yet this took place in my life for a period of a couple years off and on.

    I never had any thoughts or issues with crossdressing growing up, no scenarios that would lead me to understand this. I feel like it developed slowly from pornography. It is absolutely gone now from my life. But I look upon what I did, now, like I would have before I got involved in it. I’m disgusted with my actions and they in no way fit with the life I have built.

    My wife knows, is forgiving of it, but I just feel terrible for letting her down. I would never lay blame on her, but I do wonder if things would have been different had Sex been mutually sought after in our marriage…

    Understanding the forgiveness and grace of God, but feel like I can never get back to the person I once was….

    Again, feel free to contact me via email.


  44. thorin25 says:

    Joel, thanks for reaching out here. I have to approve comments before they appear.

    I’m so sorry for your experiences your sin has brought you to. Sin is destructive, and all the men on this site have experienced it’s effects as well.

    Your newness to crossdressing doesn’t surprise me. That’s the nature of porn. You always need something a little new, something a little different, to keep satisfying your body. It’s an addiction. It accelerates. Not only is this what happens when you go down the road of sexual sin, but even non-Christians have proved that our brain chemistry changes when looking at porn. I highly suggest you read this post/video https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/how-sexual-addictions-destroy-our-lives/

    and http://yourbrainonporn.com/
    There is something biological going on with your brain and porn and sexual addiction. You need more and more to get the same rush, similar to a drug addiction, which is why you branch out to new forms of sexual degradation and perversion.

    You can see my own escalation to other fetishes in this post – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/my-addiction-to-crossdressing-fiction/

    So that is the problem. But that’s not the end of the story. There is hope! Like thousands of other men who have found freedom from pornography, and many from crossdressing as well, you can find freedom. You can beat this addiction. You can stop. You have freewill. It’s going to be tough, but the more you rely on God for strength, the more you pray, the more you fill your mind with the truth of God’s Word, the more accountability you get, you can beat this and no longer be a slave to these sexual sins. In addition, I believe you can recondition your body to desire what is normal and healthy sexually again. For me, I have healed quite a lot in that area.

    Keep reading my posts, keep exploring my links about pornography addiction, and I will pray for you right now, May the Lord Jesus Christ fill your life and give you freedom from this bondage to sin!


  45. Joel says:

    Thank you for the prayer!

    My accountability comes in the form of online anonymous. Only my wife knows and my counsellor.

    I really think dressing in lingerie was a fad in my life. I could go long without it, and it just seemed to be a hobby. I never wanted to do it before, and now I don’t want to at all now.

    I struggle with my actions. While I would preach forgiveness to anyone going through something similar, or “worse” in worldly terms, I struggle to forgive myself.

    I’m not sure on the addiction classification. While I kept my extremely concrete morals, I let so many underneath those ones faulter…

    I often think:
    How can I claim to be a believer when I went against my own morals and values?

    How can I sit here and say I’m straight when I ventured into something that seems not straight?(even tho what attracted me about the dressing was the clothing of lingerie and the female aspect). I know my attraction is feminine based, as I have to attraction to any male look.

    Even if I change, how can I teach Godly sexual teaching, and morals if I have failed on them in the past?

    Lastly, just overcome with sadness at times, as the people who are most proud of me, have no clue of this, and would feel like they don’t even know me would I tell them…

    I have noticed a change in my mindset by reading many articles, sermon series, prayer etc…just always wanted to be that amazing husband and feel like I can still be…just a large shadow over me


  46. Joel says:

    Not sure if you do any email accountability chats or know of an online accountability site?


  47. thorin25 says:

    Everyone is sinful, and has a heart of sin, whether you know it or not. You are a fraud and hypocrite for sure, but just like everyone else. The apostle Paul called himself the worst of sinners. You are not alone. We all have done stupid things, we all have to fall on our knees before God and accept grace in Jesus Christ. That is the only way to have forgiveness and salvation.

    God is wonderful and he even uses sinners like us to do his work in his Kingdom.

    There are many great online sites to help with pornography. I don’t have links right off the bat, but you can find them pretty easily I’m sure. Otherwise here is our accountability and prayer group – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/


  48. Bambi says:

    Hi Thorin,

    I landed on this site a month back when I was looking for advice on quitting cross dressing. I went through some of the posts by you and felt those are actually reflecting my own situation as well. And I’m glad that different opinions like yours being available than the popular ones for CDs. I even read one of the books you have mentioned in a post (The man who wants to be a queen by Michael Bailey). All the reading have reinforced my idea of quitting is possible and it seems like the right thing to do as well. I had been dressing almost daily in last few months (and less occasionally last several years). Though I have been successful in many aspects of life, there has been always a huge emotional and psychological impact due to my CD issues (well a typical story of a CD I guess)

    It’s bit more than a month since I thought of quitting for good (though I have tried stopping half heartedly before, only to go back to the same habit) and so far it has been successful. I know it’s only a short time but I think I’m starting to have faith in myself that I can do this.

    Anyway want to thank you for sharing your ideas openly. Your effort is well received and I hope it helps many like me who are struggling with CD issues. Though I’m from a different religious background I can certainly relate to many things you are saying here. I wish you to have the strength and wisdom to continue your work and the fight!

    Take Care!


  49. thorin25 says:

    Thank you so much Bambi for the note. I appreciate it. I do believe that crossdressing is very possible to quit, and find some healing from, even if you are not a Christian. I don’t know what you believe about the meaning of life, but please take some time to read this short note – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/my-perspective/

    Thank you for taking the time to read here. Please feel free to dialogue and discuss any of the posts I’ve written. I’d love to learn from you and your experience as well.

    It is very possible to stop crossdressing, but you have to really want to stop. If half of you wants to keep doing it, and half of you doesn’t, you’ll still do it half the time 🙂

    If you decide to work hard to quit, and want some help, advice, and encouragement to do so, then you are welcome to join our email prayer group. Even if you are not a praying person, you would benefit greatly from a supportive community of other people, men and women, trying to quit crossdressing, and trying to be content with the sex that they are. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/


  50. John says:

    been struggling with cding for about 4 years. thought changing my sexual orientation been a Christian since I was 12


  51. thorin25 says:

    John I’m sorry to hear it. I hope you can spend more time reading my posts at this website, and consider quitting crossdressing. This can get you started – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/

    Also if you decide you want to quit and want some support – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/


  52. john corso says:

    I am a crossdressing male and would like to meet more like me


  53. thorin25 says:

    John Corso, you are looking in the wrong place. This is a place for those who want to give up crossdressing or who have given it up. When you are ready to get this unhealthy addiction out of your life, we are here for you.


  54. Flynn Rider (Not real name) says:

    Hi Thorin, it’s been a while since I last wrote to you. I have not cross dressed at at after my last correspondence, I have not had the time to as I have a lot of work, art and family to take care of. Also, I got grossed out watching two male transvestiteslave having sex on xxnx.com. Hey, what do you know about Lucifer? My friend tells me he’s actually a good guy, and I find it interesting to follow him and study about him some more. When I gave serious thought to this, I feel like a battle raged in my mind for quite a while, I even got a scary call (during this battle) on my cell phone where the static noise sounded like thousands of people were in a great commotion. Then, a deep and strong force from within me grabbed a hold of me and told me I was greater than both the angels of God and Lucifer. I felt like God was letting me know that as a human, we are more powerful than any other divine force that dwells the Earth. All my thoughts here are sincere and true. Let me know your thoughts, I’m curious. You are also part of my life now, and I thank you for your time.


  55. thorin25 says:

    Flynn, thank you or your note. I’m not sure why you would think it would be good to follow Lucifer. Beware, the devil is real, and he wants your soul. Cling to Jesus, avoid evil. Your thoughts are idolatrous. You are setting yourself up to be more important than God who is divine. Only God is God, we are not. The angels are not. I’m telling you straight up, but in love. Humble yourself before God, flee from demons into the arms of Jesus. Only in Jesus is there truth, life, and salvation.


  56. Ariela says:

    What an interesting experience!
    As Thorin says, getting into bed with the devil is the worst idea ever. It might seem interesting and enticing at first, but the price is too high, it will cost you in relationships with God, your loved ones and most of all, you put yourself in a prison that Christ gave His life to set you free from. He paid too high a price for you to go and do that.

    Now regarding the Angels, scriptures tells us we are made in the image of God. So, if you’re a believer, your position with God has been restored to that of a joint heir with Christ, (read Ephesians 1). The power that God used to raise Christ from the dead is the same power that is now available to us by virtue of our faith in Christ. All of heaven’s host is there for our protection and is greater than the devil and his host. Regardless of how things might look in the flesh, the devil is simply a defeated and fallen angel. But make no mistake, without Jesus, we are no match for the devil. It is only in Christ that we are more powerful, because of the power of God, but never are we greater than God and Christ Himself.

    I hope this makes sense.

    Stay blessed and have a blessed journey towards wholeness.


  57. Temptedsinner says:

    Amen to that:
    “But make no mistake, without Jesus, we are no match for the devil. It is only in Christ that we are more powerful, because of the power of God, but never are we greater than God and Christ Himself. ”

    I have just felt, gone through that recently. Flee from the evil one!


  58. Dennis says:


    I am a heterosexual man, happily married and with a child. I have no sexual attraction whatsoevee towards males. Yet, I do have very strong temptations to fantacize myself dressing as a woman. I get aroused as though I were having sex. I have become convinced because of a couple passages both in the New and Old Testament, and because of my experience of how my personal relationship with Christ and with my wife suffers when I stumble into this habit, that such fantacies (and actually carrying them out) is sinful. I’ve read some stuff online and apparently sexologists believe that not only is there no cure for my condition, but they also teach againsts my convictions and try to convince me that it is ok. My question for you is, does there exist some sort of healthy spiritual treatment (such as deliverance, healing, or tearing down a demonic stronghold), that can make the temptations go away? I fear this might end up having to be like Paul’s thorn in the flesh that just wouldn’t go away.

    By the way, thank you for setting up this site.



  59. thorin25 says:

    Dennis, thank you so much for your comment! It’s good to hear from you, though sorry to hear of yet another brother who struggles with this bondage. I first of all encourage you to keep reading all the posts on my site and other articles I’ve linked to –


    You could also think about joining our prayer group –


    As to your question – I certainly would suggest praying for deliverance and healing from this bondage. But also I would advise not giving up hope if God does not miraculously take it away. The latter is more likely than a miraculous healing as with almost all the temptations we face as people. Crossdressing is no more evil or demonic than any other temptation to sin, we might just think in that direction because it is such strange behavior that people aren’t used to. But as far as I’m concerned I will have to fight against that desire until I die just like pride and selfishness and over-eating.

    But I’ve answered your question elsewhere more fully, please read these 2 posts:

    My temptations haven’t fully gone away, but the more you resist over time (weeks, months, years), the less powerful the desires are from day to day. Most of the time I never think about crossdressing at all period, unless working on this blog.


  60. CDwife says:

    If it’s ok to post this i hope it helps someone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF7yFOlOk9M


  61. Dan Towner says:

    Yes it is ok to post. Dennis isn’t my real name, so I can maintain anonymity. Thanks for your response.


  62. CDwife says:

    PS Just in case there is any confusion the above song i see referring to your soul and not your CDing !!! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF7yFOlOk9M)


  63. Rj says:

    Hi Thorin,
    i would like to share my story and the crossdressing confusion in my life. i had been crossdressing since a very long time when i hit my puberty.. i started crossdressing a lot when i got a better Salaried job..as Goin thru this cding phase i started releasing that crossdressing is more of a curse than a relief i couldn’t control my urge to masturbate.. I use to masturbate at least thrice after this act and eventually i felt i was imprisoned by the whole pleasure-guilt cycle which made my life more than hell.. i had purged my vd clothes at least twice after coming back to same with the initial purge but still the the idea of crossdressing and the idea gives me chills and just the thoughts gives me a good amount of erection.. I’m unable to masturbate without the cd element.. even while masturbation to porno videos i imagine myself as a girl p***star enacting in the video.. this has been my problem even after throwing all my clothes physically.. I’m still stuck with this cd excitement after months of purging.. I’m unable to get out of this feels like there is no way of getting outta it as my way of getting orgasm is indigenously connected to my past cd experience and there is no way of correcting it.. i have tried ways of getting the right erection but it always takes me to cd throughts crossdressers on YouTube and default cd feelings which has already developed since years.. to avoid ordering fem stuffs online i have to Masturbate it out and get rid of that whole thing.. Pastor please help me out as to how to get my normal erection back which i use to maintain before me being a cd.. how to masturbate and never feel guilty about it.. while i get the normal erection while having sexual intercouse with my future wife.. please help me on this


  64. thorin25 says:

    RJ thank you for your message. I’m sorry for all you’ve gone through with CD, and sorry that so many of your attempts to quit have not been successful and that you are worried your sexual feelings with CD may never go away.

    You have conditioned your body to CD, so it has learned that that is the easy way to sexual pleasure. It is certainly difficult to recondition your body, but it is possible. Near the beginning of my marriage I struggled with not being able to get an erection without thinking of CD. Nowadays, after years of healing from crossdressing, CD doesn’t even enter my mind at all before, during, or after sex, and I have no problem being sexually satisfied by my wife. So I want to tell you that healing is possible, freedom is possible, change i possible.

    But it’s not easy, and it’s going to take time. I can’t give you an easy pill to swallow. Are you ready for the hard work? Are you ready to embark on a long process of change? Are you willing to be patient? Are you willing to resist temptation?

    If so, this post can get you started, but please keep reading other posts as well –


  65. Blake Robinson says:

    Hello, my name is Blake and i’m a crossdresser. I come from a christian family (dad’s a pastor) and I identify myself as a Christian gay celebate. I started crossdressing my freshman year of high school and it’s escalated he past 9 month cuz I got kicked out of my parent’s house and I can dress how I want now without having to hide it. I don’t cd to rebell don’t assume that. I have no idea why I cd, but my mom sees it as a major issue and I am reaching out to you to find out what’s so wrong with wearing woman’s clothes in which I don’t see a problem. I don’t understand why I cd, but I am open to talking about it and addressing the “problem” my mother thinks I have. I want Bible based answers and straight forward answers please tothis mysterious topic. I want to figure this out. I am struggling to see how this is an issue and I want to know what you think. I have never talked to another prson in depth about cd’ing so i’m new to this. so in a way this is a cry for help. I still don’t know how I am living in sin cd’ing as my mother insists I am. Please email me or post on ur site. I am going to be honest, open-minded, and willing to do whatever I am getting myself into. (Not a negative statement) I plan to get to the botttom of this and it seems to be an open-minded, safe, and welcoming site. I want to figure this out cuz I really don’t want to be be “living in sin”or doing anything agianst God. I’m a crossdresser who is confused wanting to get some answers. Please respond when you get the chance. Thank you for your time. I really appreciate it. Thanks


  66. thorin25 says:

    Thank you Blake for your open and thoughtful comment. Indeed, at this site I and others try to be very welcoming, and discuss such issues calmly even with people who disagree.

    The best thing to do is to keep reading my posts. There’s lots to read, and it will help you to think things through as I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, and on my site are lots of links and articles and guest posts by other past crossdressers as well who all have also thought a lot about this.

    Many of the problematic issues about crossdressing stem from the motivations we have in doing it. I don’t know you or why you CD.

    Does it give you sexual pleasure?
    Do you masturbate while doing it?
    Do you also read transgender fiction stories online or look at men crossdressed online?
    Does it make you “feel like yourself”?
    Does it take away your stress and help you relax?
    Does it make you feel comforted?
    Do you do it for fun or parody as some in the gay community do?

    You say you are gay celibate. You are attracted sexually to men?

    Your situation with crossdressing may very well be different from mine and most of the men here. Most of the men who discuss with me at this site are not gay, but heterosexual men, most of them already married. And they crossdress for sexual pleasure and enjoyment, though sometimes (often), that leads to personality and identity struggles as well where the man wants to actually “live” as a woman. There is a whole group of men attached to the prayer group at this site who have quit crossdressing and are supporting one another.

    I don’t want to tell you what I think about your crossdressing, cause I don’t know yet, till we talk more.

    But here are some of my general thoughts to get you started. There’s lots to read –



  67. Alec says:

    Hello, This is Alec, a recovering.CD, trying to reach RJ who posted on Feb 14 on his experiences. My story is almost exactly like yours. The symptoms of which you describe are where and when crossdressing turns into another form of sex addiction. All the arousal, lust, acting out, etc… is done because the same area of the brain that hard drugs, such as cocaine and heroine affect is being activated. This is why so many say “you can’t get rid of it.” They just don’t know this yet or deny it. Try Sexaholics Anonymous, in addition to coming in here, it will help. Feel free to contact me if you want to discuss it further. Alec


  68. Pam says:

    My husband has had a cross dressing addiction for years. I didn’t find out about it until the 5th year into our marriage and it devastated me. He says he has now been delivered from it. We’re born again Christians and it has just about destroyed our marriage. Even though he said he has been delivered now for a couple of weeks I am afraid that he will go back to it again. Who can you recommend as a therapist to help him?

    Liked by 1 person

  69. thorin25 says:

    Hi Pam, I am so happy to hear of your husband’s deliverance! God can certainly do anything, and I believe in his power to heal, even healing us from addictions and temptations. However, for most of us, that full healing won’t take place until Jesus comes again. And so in the meantime, we have to daily learn to resist temptation, which is what all Christians have to do. See these posts –


    I encourage you not to live in fear, but trust that God is working in your husband’s life, and your life. Good things are happening. You have a husband who doesn’t want to give in to sin. Lots of the wives that comment here would love to have that situation as they have husbands who are not repentant. And I would also encourage you to realize that like any sin and any addiction there may be times of setbacks and failures, but at those times we fall on God’s grace, accept his forgiveness, and keep on going back to living in righteousness. True Christians are repentant sinners. The key is repentance. We all keep sinning, but it is true Christians who have the Holy Spirit that repent of sin, and are able to keep trying to fight it, with more and more progress little by little in this long process of sanctification. So if your husband fails sometime, that is not (as crossdressers online say) proof that he can’t beat it, and that he should just give in. No. just give him grace and forgiveness and encourage him to get back on track in holy living again. The setbacks should not make either of you lose hope. It was a very long struggle for me before I fully kicked this habit, and the struggles still come up from time to time.

    I am happy that your marriage has not been destroyed, CD has destroyed so very many marriages, with husbands persisting in sin and not repenting and not stopping crossdressing. Not to stop is really marital unfaithfulness and grounds for divorce.

    You would be greatly helped yourself, as a wife, by reading this post, and it will give you ideas for how to best help your husband feel like a man and stay out of trouble, even though ultimately of course it’s up to him. Please please read this post –

    You can also chat with other wives here and perhaps encourage them – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/

    As far as a therapist, it’s tough to say, some could be good, some not. I would recommend talking to a pastor for the prayers and spiritual guidance, even if the pastor doesn’t know about CD, which I’m sure he doesn’t. I’d also suggest your husband get an accountability partner, perhaps a friend who struggles with porn, so they can help each other. But by far, I’d really encourage your husband to get on this site. I have so many blog posts, and links to articles, that will help him immensely. It’s good not only to kick the addiction but to search himself and see the spiritual and emotional components that fed the addiction in the first place. Much of the addiction stems from trying to meet unmet needs in fabric and fantasy rather than in God and community. He needs to explore those things so that he can understand himself and work on healing in those emotional and spiritual problems that led to CD in the first place. He could also greatly benefit from our prayer and accountability group – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/


  70. another wife says:

    Pam, there is a Christian counselor, Rob Jackson, in Mississippi, that was recommended to us from Focus on the Family. He specializes in helping heal sexual addictions, mainly porn, and if your husband is really wanting to overcome cd I believe he could help. He does week long intensives, plus phone coaching. He also does weekly phone teleclasses on Tues. evenings that is a group call that anyone can listen to, and might help you also. Your husband has to want to change is the main thing.


  71. CD wife says:

    I’m sorry to see various therapists being recommended on here . It’s a slippery slope and who may be good for one may not be good for another.
    I would suggest do your own research do not be afraid to ask questions about their knowledge around Cross Dressing and how they came to have it.Check out their qualifications and how long they have been in recovery .
    For my money the Fellowships have a lot to offer they are free and it’s good to talk to other recovering Addicts. SAA could be a good place to start. You can find accountability partners there as well.I have read others on here have been helped in this way.
    And above all stay close to this site and share with those who understand.


  72. Faithless Christian says:

    Hi Thorin, glad to found your website. I’m a crossdresser from Indonesia and really need support from brothers in Christ to repent from this “sinful hobby”.

    Please pray for me.


    Liked by 1 person

  73. Temptedsinner says:

    Welcome F.C.
    I am praying for you now.
    May the light of Christ brighten your path.



  74. W says:

    This site has helped alot. Been able to resist the temptation to crossdress much better. Try to read thid site when fighting urges. Have failed a few times, but a lot better than it used to be.


  75. thorin25 says:

    Thanks W, I appreciate the feedback and encouragement!


  76. Aiden says:

    Hey. Im a teen who struggles with crossdressing. I used to wear my moms clothes, disgusting i know, but now i just read online crossdressing fiction or stuff. I feel gross and alone. A girl in my youth grouo wanted to give me a makeover and I nearly died turning her down. I cant fight this and have no one to open up to. I know im not gay, i struggle with lust for women too. Please pray for me or give me guidance. Everyone in my youth group looks up to me but im not that person they see me as. I dont want this sin to get in the way of my futire relationships with women or God. Thanks.


  77. thorin25 says:

    Aiden, I will pray for you right now. There is hope for change. You can break this addiction. I’ve been in your shoes. it seems desperate but there is hope.

    I invite you to join our prayer group for regular advice, prayer, and accountability. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/
    Just comment there on that page if you want to join us and I’ll get you signed up.

    In the meantime, you should also keep reading my posts as you’ll find much that will help you in understanding and battling these desires.


  78. Temptedsinner says:

    I have found myself THANKING GOD for providing you the insight to begin moving away from this affliction. You are the second young man that has commented recently and I gotta say that I wish that I had some kind of resources that would have told me the truth way back when I was a kid just starting out with my own cross-dressing.
    Just by the simple fact that within your youth group, you are looked up to as a leader of sorts or an example to follow makes you a target of the devil. He wants you to question who the true and real you is. I will suggest to you that the real and true you is the one that they see, the one that they look up to, the Man that our Lord and Savior created you as and died for.
    Aiden, please do not listen to the world, as you finish up high school and move on to college the pressures are going to only increase. It is almost like our country ……. skip that….. Our country does have an agenda to push us all to accept as normal, abortion, gay lifestyles and now our own crosses of transgenderism and cross-dressing., Please do not believe the lies of this world!!!

    You have already heard the very quiet whisper of God in your heart, He is the quiet one who drew you to Thorin’s blog here, It is the strength of the Holy Spirit that aided you in resisting that “makeover”. Believe and trust in that! He has chosen you for much greater things than to give into the temporary desires of the flesh.

    And you are correct that this WILL get in the way of any future relationships with a woman. Just ask my wife, or any of the other wives of cross-dressers on this blog. Plus because we cannot serve two masters, these fantasies and desires will separate us from being open to God. To his will for our lives.

    Please know that I am praying for you, and that we will help you in any way possible.


    Liked by 1 person

  79. Lisa says:

    If a straight man is wearing women’s underwear as a sexual fetish he can through spiritual healing overcome this disgusting perversion. If you truly love your wife with all your heart. You will stop because she means more to you. If CD means more than your wife their is a serious problem. Start with she’ll be thinking why am I not enough for him sexually. She will be very hurt.

    My ex husband is a homosexual and a crossdresser. Something he didn’t share with me before we were married. When I found out I was devastated and felt betrayed. A year into our marriage he stopped being intimate with me and of course I thought it was me. He wouldn’t talk to me and was always home late. One day I noticed his legs were shaved. I asked him why and he made up some ridiculous story about, shaving makes his legs hairier. Which I believed at the time. Then I noticed a pair of my nylons were missing. Anyway long story short I followed him to this secret apartment where he exited dressed as a woman head to toe carrying a purse holding a man’s hand. I went crazy I was uncontrollably crying. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. Their was no way back for me I couldn’t look at him in the same way again.

    My ex husband is not transsexual he just dressed in woman’s clothes to look pretty for his lover. Who in some deluded way thinks he’s not a homosexual if he’s in a relationship with a man dressed as a woman. Very sick situation. Which took all my faith in God and the lord to get over.

    I pray for all the men on here with CD fetishes that they will stop for the sake of their marriages.



  80. Temptedsinner says:

    Thank You … So much for your prayers Lisa.
    We really need them.


  81. The Sceptic says:

    Lisa. I echo you your prayers. I hope and pray that with prayer and some serious counseling….and the Grace of God, men like you ex can be healed.


  82. Temptedsinner says:

    I can feel how deeply hurt you were by this discovery. I don’t know how long ago this was but the pain of betrayal, of secrets and lies still seem to haunt and continues to hurt. I am thankful that through your faith and love of God, you have survived and are moving on. It is sad that you found it necessary to leave him in his sinfulness. But at least you realized that you cannot change or fix another person.
    It is very wrong of us CD’s to carry this secret into a marriage. I am not trying to explain or justify for your ex-husband.
    Often time we as CDers, don’t know or understand how this fetish got such a strong hold on us, usually at a young age. Some of us get to thinking if I find a girlfriend, get married and have a “normal” sex life then this obsession will go away. It doesn’t…. Thoughts and temptations will always be there.
    What we do with them is up to us. I know for myself that it is ONLY through the grace of God that I am able to resist the urges and at times constant temptations. And I am not 100% successful. Here is the thing, I keep trying, I keep praying, I keep trying like Thorin to help others. It has taken so long to get to where I am at, and I wish that I would have started many many years ago. The feeling of having this sinfulness and obsession off of my back is worth the effort.

    Thank you again for your prayers. And if there is more that you would like to share, there may be other women or even men that can benefit from your experiences.

    I pray for your own continued healing


  83. Lisa says:

    Tempted, thank you for your kind words. It has been two years since my divorce. I have moved on. I’m engaged to a wonderful man who treats me right. Although through my past experience with my ex trust has become an issue. I was definitely damaged by my ex husband’s betrayal. I find myself checking my closet for anything unusual. I shouldn’t do this because I love my fiancé very much. This is what my ex did to my mind. So I guess not completely moved on. I just don’t want to go through that pain again.



  84. Lisa says:

    I want to share with you how I felt emotionally after I discovered my ex-husband was a homosexual and a crossdresser. For women trust is so important to a relationship. Keeping secrets from us is very hurtful. After my marriage ended mentally I struggled . What did I do wrong. Why was I not enough for him. You remember when you were going out for the evening and he said “you look beautiful.” Was he thinking that or was he imagining himself dressed up looking pretty. Maybe not but this is what goes through a woman’s mind when she’s been hurt in this way. During intimacy was he imagining himself in the woman’s role. After sex was he imagining himself being held and feeling safe and protected. Maybe not but you can see how a woman can be damaged emotionally by the secrets and lies of crossdressing.

    What if the marriage has resulted in beautiful children. The daughter finds out the dad she loves with all her heart wears woman’s clothes and walks on the street pretending to be a woman. A son learning his dad who he idolizes is a crossdresser. The bulling in school they will suffer. It’s not just the wife who is ridiculed it’s the whole family.

    My fiancée is a wonderful man. I want to trust him with all my heart and soul. When a woman goes through the betrayal I did it’s hard to get that trust back.



  85. CD wife says:

    Oh lisa , I so understand but what can i say ? Maybe when we have been through such things we can learn and would know those tell tale signs they are there when we think back. At least for me i can now see what i couldn’t then.
    I feel i must work on what made me attracted to him in the first place it’s never a coincidence. Take your time with your fiancee. For me i could never live with someone full time again maybe if he had his own house we could spend lots of time together but that’s all. I’m sure Thorin could give some wise counsel on trust because i just really don’t know how to go about regaining it as well but i am on my own now. I’m sure prayer and trust in God will help.
    I feel i have rambled a bit sorry.


  86. thorin25 says:

    Lisa, again I am so sorry about what you have gone through. That breach of trust I have not had to deal with myself, so I can only struggle to imagine how difficult it must be for you.

    However, I will say this. Your husband did what he did, and he is gone. We can’t change the past. We probably can’t get your husband back. What happened happen. If you stay in the past in bitterness and lack of trust you will only hurt yourself. It’s not a matter of what your ex-husband deserves. Of course he doesn’t deserve your love or forgiveness. But that’s not why we give it.

    We give up our bitterness, give him over to God for judgment, and we actually try to wish him well. All of this is part of forgiveness, we forgive. Why? Because if we have trusted in Christ and had our sins forgiven we are overjoyed at such grace and mercy, because we know we don’t deserve God’s love, relationship, forgiveness, or eternal life. That fuels us to turn around and show others that same forgiveness that we have been given. It matters not whether your ex receives that forgiveness or not.

    We also forgive and give up our bitterness because that is the best way to live. It’s the only way to be happy again or to rebuild trust. Otherwise your lack of trust will not allow you to have any healthy relationships that are fulfilling ever again. Your bitterness will eat at your soul until you don’t even like being with yourself, and others won’t want to be with you either.

    How can we get this heart to forgive? We have to spend time with Jesus. We have to soak up his love and forgiveness. We have to meditate on the cross and on what Jesus did for us. Only Jesus can change our hearts. Only he can give us a heart of flesh when naturally we have hearts of stone. Keep going to the Word. Keep spending time with the family of God, at church. Keep asking God for help. Keep asking for a new heart. Keep thanking God for what he has done for you in Christ.

    I’m not lecturing you. Your husband is the one who deserves a sermon and a lecture. But I’m trying to help you, because you are here talking to me, and your husband is not.

    I feel your pain. But the only way to deal with that pain and find healing in your heart for your pain, is to keep going back to Jesus day after day.

    Part of this is perhaps a misplaced trust. So often when we get married, we idolize our spouses and find all of our happiness and fulfillment in them, and we put them on a pedestal. This can be idolatry for some men and women (I’m not saying it was for you). I started out my marriage this way, and the pain of my marriage made my idol of marriage come tumbling down. The reality is that every spouse will disappoint us, whether they are a crossdresser or not. Every spouse will have sins and struggles and failures and bad days. The only one who will never disappoint us is God our Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the only one who is completely trustworthy. When we place our trust in the unfailing God, we will not collapse when others around us become untrustworthy. We will be on a solid rock a solid foundation when we trust in our God. No matter how many others desert us, we will still feel like we are standing firm because God will never abandon us or deceive us. This is what helps us to rebuild our trust in others, giving them another chance. We know we can take the risk! Because God is at our back, and is our firm foundation.


  87. CD wife says:

    I needed to hear this thank you Thorin.


  88. Lisa says:

    Thorin, thank you so much. I will continue to work on my trust issues with your inspiring words in my heart. I know God will never abandon me but help me to heal as I continue my relationship with the wonderful man now in my life.



  89. Bigguy says:

    thorn I have not cross-dress over a year in a half now don’t mist it god save me and now its not controlling my life any more or the porns I don’t know what happen something happen to me when I accept the lord in my life I have not cross-dress since and I got confirmation at church
    I don’t have the temptation no more I get the feeling but I don’t give in thanks for this site


  90. thorin25 says:

    That is wonderful to hear Bigguy! Keep up the good work. The urges may come from time to time, but if you keep focused on Jesus and the good things going on in your life you will be able to resist and keep enjoying life. Keep living a life of prayer and reading God’s Word


  91. Michael says:


    Thank you for your site. Are you on social media, specifically twitter? I wear medical gradient compression legwear such as pantyhose and stockings. This due to 2 knee replacement surgeries 3 and 4 years ago having edema and chronic venous insufficiency. I will say for many years before those surgeries, I loved wearing women’s garments in addition to hosiery. However never publicly nor that frequent. Thank you for your site.



  92. thorin25 says:

    Hi Michael. Thank you for your comment. I am not on other social media. It’s just this blog.

    Where are you at now on this issue Michael?


  93. Lisa says:

    Michael, I’m very sorry to hear about your medical conditions. Wearing, compression pantyhose and stockings though is not helping your CD addiction. Maybe their is some other treatment available?


  94. bbob61583@gmail.com says:

    Im desperate. I want to be ok. Im not i cant stop crossdressing iv become paraniod a shut in. Part of me feels like im a bastard. Part of be doesnt care. Part of me misses and longs for hope. Ive been dressing most my life. I am homosexual. I dont know what to do this thing has me now and im powerless to stop. It keeps dragging me deeper and deeper. I am to the point i just want to give in and be the woman. Sad and if i had the courage to stand in itand i felt accepted i fear i would. Please im alone with this thing. I need help.


  95. thorin25 says:

    Bob you posted with your email address as your name. Do you want me to delete the comment?

    I’m sorry for what you are going through. I know it seems hopeless, but there is hope. You can get help with this. You can stop giving in to crossdressing. You can resist your homosexual desires. You can find some healing, even if the desires don’t completely go away. God can give you peace and wholeness.

    Please keep reading my blog posts for starters, as well as articles I’ve linked to.

    Are you a Christian? Do you have a relationship with Jesus?


  96. CNK says:

    Hi, Thorin. I already asked to be a part of the email prayer group once a good while back, but I made my account so secretive I can’t figure out a way to login to my email account or the google group. Could I get another invitation?

    As for why I’d like to be in the email prayer group, it’s just that I’m in a frustrating time now. I feel like I’m at an impass. With how my sexual desires have worked in the past and with how much I’ve consumed tg porn throughout the years, I can’t really imagine trying to have a normal relationship with a woman. I’m separated from most women because of how my life is currently set up, and I’d be terrified that I’d transition and leave a wake of destruction behind me if I ever got married. It also doesn’t help that secular knowledge has changed from “There is a very big difference between crossdressers and transexuals” to “All of those conditions are on a loose spectrum from one another.

    I’ve dedicated this next year of my life to solving this purity issue I’ve had since I was 12. I want to turn to God with all my heart, have fellow Christians fighting alongside me, and see what God has for me in Christian counseling before I finally give in at the end of the year and seek out a secular therapist for my issue.


  97. Alex Blake says:

    Ethical secular therapists would not accept you as a client if they learned that you want to change your gender identity and/or your sexual orientation. That’s not the way reputable therapists operate. Rather, they seek to help such persons cope with social prejudices, resolve issues associated with any internal conflicts they may feel, and lead happy and satisfying lives. That’s a far cry from trying to convert a person into something they’re not.

    If you are a Christian, I would recommend that you read the four gospels very carefully, word for word. See if you can find any verses where Jesus condemns a gender identity or a sexual orientation.


  98. thorin25 says:

    Alex, I’m not sure what you are trying to say. I’m not trying to change my gender identity or sexual orientation, and I’m not looking for a therapist. You will have to better explain what you are talking about. I don’t believe we can change our sex/gender contrary to what many in our culture think. I don’t believe we can willfully change our sexual orientation either (contrary to what many Christians think), but I do believe we can control how we live, and what sexual desires we choose to act on.

    I have resolved my internal conflicts that I felt, and am leading a satisfying happy life. Read this post carefully for more on how I resolved inner conflicts in a healthy way, by accepting myself, rather than through the unhealthy psychological suppression of crossdressing – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2016/08/08/an-alternative-method-integration-and-contentment/

    I have read the 4 Gospels countless times. I do not know of any place where Jesus condemns gender identity (I honestly don’t even know what that would mean). He never condemns men for being men, or women for being women, or eunuchs for being eunuchs. I do not know of any place where Jesus condemns a sexual orientation. So you know, I don’t believe it is sinful to be gay in orientation.

    The fact that you made that statement about the Gospels shows that you have not really taken the time to read my actual views on this website, but instead are making a lot of assumptions about my views. I find it very strange (and offensive were I to take offense easily which I don’t), that you would come here and tell me what to read and do, without taking the time to read what I actually believe.

    So let’s start over, start fresh. Why don’t you read a bunch of my posts, and then we can talk more once you understand my views better


  99. Alex Blake says:


    “Hi, Thorin. I already asked to be a part of the email prayer group once a good while back, but I made my account so secretive I can’t figure out a way to login to my email account or the google group. Could I get another invitation?”

    “As for why I’d like to be in the email prayer group, it’s just that I’m in a frustrating time now. I feel like I’m at an impass. With how my sexual desires have worked in the past and with how much I’ve consumed tg porn throughout the years, I can’t really imagine trying to have a normal relationship with a woman. I’m separated from most women because of how my life is currently set up, and I’d be terrified that I’d transition and leave a wake of destruction behind me if I ever got married. It also doesn’t help that secular knowledge has changed from “There is a very big difference between crossdressers and transexuals” to “All of those conditions are on a loose spectrum from one another.”

    “I’ve dedicated this next year of my life to solving this purity issue I’ve had since I was 12. I want to turn to God with all my heart, have fellow Christians fighting alongside me, and see what God has for me in Christian counseling before I finally give in at the end of the year and seek out a secular therapist for my issue.”


    “Ethical secular therapists would not accept you as a client if they learned that you want to change your gender identity and/or your sexual orientation. That’s not the way reputable therapists operate. Rather, they seek to help such persons cope with social prejudices, resolve issues associated with any internal conflicts they may feel, and lead happy and satisfying lives. That’s a far cry from trying to convert a person into something they’re not.”

    “If you are a Christian, I would recommend that you read the four gospels very carefully, word for word. See if you can find any verses where Jesus condemns a gender identity or a sexual orientation.”


  100. thorin25 says:

    Thank you Alex for the clarification. It makes more sense now. I am sorry that I misread you.

    But still I don’t fully understand your comment. What do you mean by saying that Jesus did not condemn “a gender identity” or “sexual orientation?”

    I don’t know your faith and spiritual life, I want to be careful not to make assumptions. But you should know that Christians believe that the Old Testament and the New Testament are all the Word of God. Jesus actually claimed that all of the Scriptures are actually about him, and he came to fulfill them. Why do I say this? I want you to understand that we as Christians don’t only look at the 4 Gospels to find out what we should believe about sex and gender. We look at the entire Bible. We don’t weight Jesus’ words as somehow more authoritative than the rest of the Bible. It’s all God’s Word.

    As for me, I don’t condemn or criticize anyone for the inclinations they were born with. And I don’t believe God does either. But God does judge us based on how we live, how we choose to act or not act on those inclinations. EVERYONE has inclinations to sinful activities that go against God’s will for our lives. Thankfully, God has provided a way for us to be forgiven, through Jesus Christ, for our failures and sins and the times we have went astray.


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