I am glad you found your way to this site.  Please enjoy reading my reflections on this difficult and confusing topic of crossdressing.  The intention of this site is to build a network of resources and a community of people trying to fight their crossdressing addictions together, and giving each other encouragement and advice.  Further, I write to help people think about crossdressing from a Christian and biblical perspective.  Hopefully this site can help us to understand ourselves better and find healing and forgiveness and freedom in our Lord Jesus Christ.   The issues of crossdressing and gender dysphoria surely have caused most of us great pain, anguish, and frustration in our private, public, and spiritual lives.

I am not an expert, but over the years I have worked hard at reading as many articles and books that I can about these issues, even those that I radically disagree with.  I still have much to read and learn.  I write out of my personal experience, my reading about crossdressing, my faith, and the theological education I have received.  I am a Christian pastor.  I myself used to struggle with the desire to crossdress and starting this site was one way for me to get support and healing for myself from this addiction while trying to help others at the same time.  In 2011, God gave me great victory over this struggle and I have been going strong ever since, with only a few times of struggle and failure.  You can read more about my story on the “About” page.  Through this blog a whole community of men have come together and given up their crossdressing addictions.  Some of them have even written on this blog not only through comments, but through “Guest Posts.”

Please feel free to comment and discuss even if you disagree with me.  I hold all email addresses with confidentiality, but for those of you who are rightly worried about security and anonymity, it’s easy to make a new email address with anonymous names, which you could do before commenting here.  While the point of this website is to help those who are trying to resist crossdressing, I welcome good comments from anybody even if you think crossdressing is a healthy activity.  I enjoy debating to a point, and will try to discuss with you in a healthy, peaceful way.  Perhaps we can have mutual learning and growth through the discussion.  I have been greatly helped by other bloggers, organizations, and articles which I have posted links to.  But as you comment, please keep in mind the purpose of my site.   I approve each comment individually.  I would rather just have comments completely open, but I have learned to monitor them because of past commenters crossing the line and harassing other commenters, or trolling.

Although I usually make clear distinctions between crossdressing as a sexual fetish addiction and crossdressing as a result of gender dysphoria/transgenderism, in some of my posts I talk about both at once with little distinction, and I have been criticized for doing so.  I am not ignorant of the important distinctions between the two issues.  But when I have not distinguished the two issues within an individual post, it is because my arguments against both issues are largely the same arguments and many posts apply to both issues equally.  There is far more overlap between these two gender issues than most people want to admit.  See this post for my thoughts about terms, labels, and types of crossdressers.

Thank you for being willing to read my thoughts.  If they help you, to God be the glory for what he has done in my life.  I thank him for being willing to use me.  Please comment below if you would like prayer in your struggle and I promise to dedicate time in prayer for you.

If you want some guidance in reading my posts, you can start with what I consider to be my “most important posts.”



*Please do not post your email in the body of the comment itself. It is important to protect yourself from spam and potential harassment by never publicly posting your personal information (such as your email address) on this or any other blog. Rest assured that I will keep your email address confidential.

509 comments on “Welcome!

  1. gimmelvav says:

    I’ve looked at your website on and off for a few years. I see you invited others to email you, and I’d like to take advantage of that, as there are few people with knowledge, experience and honesty on this topic. What is the best way to do that, or is leaving a comment a good enough invitation?

    Thank you for setting this site up.


  2. thorin25 says:

    Gimmelvav, thank you your feedback. I’m happy to talk to you. We can talk right here, so that others can join the conversation, or if you want I can email you and then you can ask me some questions in private. If you want me to email you, I will do so using the email address you commented using. Let me know what you want to do


  3. arich62 says:

    Hi Thorin,
    I look at your website often, for it is one of the very few places one can go online to read about the inconvenient truth of crossdressing.
    I had a nasty relapse this past summer and my experiences were discovered by my wife just ten days ago, in photographs taken of myself at Pride Festivals, in my backyard and a public park. The usual guilt and shame but also fear, since I went so public, looked so brazen in the photos (because I was in places where their was heavy TG support) made her think I was really serious.
    Yet all this really was, was the power of Satan and power of the addiction. I think you know about autogynephilia, which was my experience. I was doing it to feel and stay aroused,. Dressing up can be like taking a needle into the vein and trying to stay high on cocaine or heroine all day. Increasing the 4D experience with crossdressing (getting “out and about”) increases the dosage of getting high.
    People I told this to at a local trans resource center thought this was a crazy concept.
    See most people today, especially in a place like that are already in give up mode because acceptance is now part of mainstream society and being promoted by mainstream media to the point of glorifying the trans community. Most crossdressers and many trans are living in a fools paradise. Trans people are very vocal today because of the support, so we need to rise up for our Christian values and be strong in our fight.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. thorin25 says:

    Alec, thank you for your note. I appreciate it. I and unfortunately so very many others know exactly what you were feeling. Like a sexual addiction, such as pornography, crossdressing can actually alter your brain, reprogramming your pathways for dopamine release. I sort of wonder if crossdressing is more damaging than porn because we give ourselves that sexual high for a whole day. It’s definitely similar in many ways to a drug.

    Sorry about the pain you are going through with your wife. She has every right to be upset. Repent fervently, and we pray she does the right thing of forgiving you and moving on together in healing. It might make her feel better to know that you are getting help. One way to get help would be to keep reading this blog and to join our prayer and accountability group


    Even if you feel okay right now, be on your guard, you’ll get that desire for the drug again eventually. Be ready for it. One way to be ready is to pray for and help other guys who are struggling. That has helped me a lot not to forget why I don’t want to give in again

    Liked by 2 people

  5. arich62 says:

    Thank you for the reply Thorin,
    Indeed it has been a tough period of recovery for me, since my wife saw my pictures. She has forgiven me as she had known about my hidden desires in the past. But I still struggle to forgive myself.
    Even though the discovery was only two weeks ago, it again feels like yesterday it happened. We could cage our emotions about this issue for a while because the day after discovery my wife’s brother died. But now that I have gone past a grief period my mind starts to open up to that moment of discovery again.
    I will tell you more what was said but it is 4am in Oklahoma right now and tired.

    I will look into the prayer chain and join.

    CDing to me isn’t just like an ordinary drug but a very hard drug. Keeping on going and going with it, trying to make excuses that it is ok, like a minute ago thinking that I was beyond CDing and Trans because I stepped out of the closet (really all I did though was expand this closet to be outdoors with other tg people and supporters during Pride Week).
    Please assure me that it doesn’t matter if I stepped in or out of the closet, that I can still over come. better yet, pray for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Temptedsinner says:

    It is a hard drug. And like heroine, it can be beaten, You can beat it.
    Praying for you now.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. thorin25 says:

    Alec you can beat this. So many others have before you. Join our prayer group when you are ready. You are most welcome!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. peter harlow says:

    Hi i Petra And a Christian I have been struggling these desires 2 yr’s.Some time i can go without.a couple of weeks then the desire comes back and. I have also been drawn to adult sites. so it is a double whammy to deal with. please keep me in prayer


  9. thorin25 says:

    Are you Peter or Petra, a man or a woman? Either way I and others at this site are here to help you and pray for you. But a good start in the healing process is creating a new email that is not part of your false reality of pretending to be a woman.

    You will find that the only way to beat this and heal from it, is to have self control and not give in, even when the desires are there. You can’t hope for healing if you still give in every time you have a desire for it. You have to learn how to resist even when you have a desire for it. Even for me today, most of my desires for crossdressing have gone away, but not completely, sometimes they still come, but when they come, I have to resist them. The good news is that the more you resist giving in, the more your body will learn to desire something different. At least that has been what has happened for me. At first, resisting crossdressing or pornography, will make you desire it more. But if you can have self control during that tough period, over time the desires will get less and it will become habit to NOT give in, rather than habit to give in.

    I will pray for you right now, but I encourage you to keep reading the posts on this site. https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/

    And also, consider joining our official email prayer group, where you can regularly update us with your prayer needs so that a whole group of men can encourage you and pray for you, but also you can pray for us.


  10. Dave B says:

    I just found your site, and I will be going through it as I can find time. I do have one question though, do you/have you, talked on what things start/spark the desire to start cross dressing? I have struggled with it in my head for decades, and I can not figure out the core reason why… so I can not try and kill it.

    With your pen name, I kinda think that it can fit… it feels like God has left it as a thorn in one side…. I think what Paul says about his thorn in his side.

    I do look forward to rading what you have here, and to hopefully find more guyes who struggle to chat with.


  11. thorin25 says:

    Dave, you are very welcome here. I have dozens of posts, all with different angles coming at that question, of what might have started these desires?

    Please keep reading, and looking around the site. Perhaps start with this post – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2016/08/08/an-alternative-method-integration-and-contentment/

    If you would like prayer and accountability to quit crossdressing, consider joining our prayer group (offsite) – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Stay in touch


  12. zahdah says:

    Hi Dave, I have a question for you. What is you outlook on being a man? How do you feel about yourself as a man?


  13. Lisa says:

    Good question hope he answers. How are you doing Zahdah in your relationship?


  14. zahdah says:

    Thanks Lisa.
    Im still on the road to freedom (going to Freedom Session right now), and part of that is being free from my husband. I still love him, but feel less attached to him. He’s been on the road to “discovery” for about half a year now. He’s been taking breast growth supplements for quite awhile now. I’m rather at a loss as to how to proceed in our relationship. His body (he just fully shaved again too) is so revolting to me. If the breasts were unintentional, would be shaped differently, that would be completely different. Our sex life has been erratic. I can’t touch him in the breast area, without a total turnoff, and that in itself is really distracting. I’ve decided, and told him, that I don’t want sex anymore for now. And now he’s been all over me. It’s kind of freaking me out.
    He wanted to tell our children recently, that scared me at first, and one of the reasons was because he wanted to have the freedom to wear whatever he wanted around the house. I really don’t know if we’ll still be together next year. How can I be married to a man who’s, knowingly, changing his body into something that grosses me out?


  15. arich62 says:

    I will pray for you Zahdah. Your situation, it goes without saying, very difficult. Pray that you can find some peace in this situation.
    I have met a lot of men who transitioned over the years. Yours sounds like is getting close to the point of no return, probably has met other trans people over time, peer pressure, false sense of self when some/ other issues might be present, unless he really has dealt with this at earliest memory. (peer pressure was/ is something I have to fight).Most trans people, probably as much as 90% live in a fools paradise and it’s being so supported under our current government and mainstream media that any man who puts on women’s clothes anymore is automatically assumed female and encouraged to transition.
    -Alec, age 54, married, recovering from crossdressing/ trans addiction.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. zahdah says:

    Thank you Alec. I hadn’t thought of him being in contact with other trans, I’m rather afraid to ask that though. I’m so lost as to how to proceed.


  17. Temptedsinner says:

    Praying for your husband and you Sarah. :’-(


  18. Temptedsinner says:

    Stupid auto correct phone…
    Praying for your husband and you Zahdah!
    Like Alec eluded to, the environment that our government and media are building around this affliction is insane. If I hadn’t started my own long road to recovery when I did I would probably be wearing your husbands heels too. And my wife would be in the same boat as you.
    Set your limits, stick by them. I don’t remember if you have said how old your kids are, but you need to protect or prepare them for what may lie ahead. This is an awful place that we (collectively as CD’s) and your husband have put you in.



  19. zahdah says:

    Thank you tempted. I’m really trying to do that. Our children are 17, 15, and 13. They all have issues with anger, especially the middle one, boy, towards his dad. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by staying with their dad. Would it have been healthier for them to not be around such emotionally unstableness?


  20. arich62 says:

    Given your children’s ages and if you live in a larger city, these days they are probably surrounded by trans youth and have been taught about GLBT rights in their schools. So maybe you could benefit from speaking to their school counselors about their dad and go from there?


  21. zahdah says:

    Hi arich62, he told them, somewhat, this morning. So far they seem ok, but it’s hard to say. We actually homeschool, but my husband told them we’ll take them to the counselor we were seeing, if they want.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. thorin25 says:

    Zahdah, I just saw all of these messages. It truly makes my heartache, I feel like weeping right now. We cannot do anything to take away your pain, but I hope it at least helps somewhat to know that you have us as your allies, we affirm that you are right to feel the way you do, and you know we agree that what your husband is doing is very very wrong. And know that we are praying for you. I encourage you to read through this post again, https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/giving-pastoral-care-to-a-crossdresser-or-transgendered-person/

    I think your marriage is getting to the point where your husband is going to have to face the consequences of others finding out, because you will tell others to get help for yourelf, as well as a coming divorce (you didn’t sign on to marrying a woman), or at least a separation. But hopefully it won’t come to a divorce, hopefully it won’t even come to a separation, and that he will repent. Whatever happens, even if you have to take drastic measures, you’ll still have to work on forgiveness, which will be the toughest thing.

    “Father, be with Zahdah right now. Hold her close to you. Fill her with your love and peace. Give her the comfort that only you can give. You know her pain. Our Lord Jesus, you know what it is like to be betrayed and to feel deep pain and agony, to experience the rejection of so many people. You know pain and suffering. You know what Zahdah is going through. Lord, you can sympathize with her struggle. Be with her as you promised to never leave us. Help her to feel the presence of your Holy Spirit within her. Through the Holy Spirit, give her comfort, guidance, wisdom, and encouragement. Fill her heart with your love and grace and the joy of her salvation and your forgiveness of her sins, and the joy of your love for her. Give her strength and perseverance for the difficult road ahead. Give her a heart of forgiveness for her husband, at the same time that you give her courage to call her husband out of sin. Give her guidance to know what path to take, what to say, and what to do. We ask, in Jesus’ name, out of your mercy our Lord God, that you come down and take hold of this man’s heart. Shake him, turn his life upside down. Convict him strongly of his sin, so strongly that he goes to his knees in tears before you about what he has done. Shake him out of the false reality and delusions he has created for himself. Fill his mind with truth and take out the lies. Lord, save this man, save this marriage. We know with you all things are possible. We pray this please, because of your grace and mercy, and because you love us as your children, do this please for us. Change this man’s heart as only you can do. In Jesus’ name we pray, by the power of the Holy Spirit, Amen.”

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Temptedsinner says:

    That is a great prayer of mercy for Zahdah’s husband. It calmed me down a little, because I am rather angry about this mans selfishness.
    So what now? Is he going to feel free to cross dress in front of his minor children? Forcing them to witness his own perverse obsessions?
    Oh great….. he has offered to get them counseling ! This is just another form of manipulation, in my opinion. It is sort of like the kids have the problem not the parent, the father, the man. That is bull crap!

    Why, why did he think that he had the right to shove this down their throats? I’m sure that all of his CD, TG friends will applaud his so called bravery. I condemn his cowardice and selfishness.

    I am sorry that I am judging him. The biggest reason that I did not follow a similar path is the Grace of God and also my kids. They would never invite friends over to the house for fear that dad is wearing a dress. I personally see no reason for you to have the burden to keep his secret any longer. As fathers, we are to be protect-ers of the family, not the ones who destroy it.

    Zahdah, I am praying for your wisdom, courage and strength during this unbelievable time of your life and marriage.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Lisa says:

    Hi Zahdah, I can’t believe the selfishness of your husband. It must be so hurtful. A total lack of respect for you and your kids. Every action you’re taking now is totally understandable. What he is doing to his body and now wanting to dress around the house is despicable. It seems changing into his interpretation of a woman is all that matters to him now. The feelings of you and the kids are secondary to him now. Which is so wrong and sinful. I and everyone on this site is praying for you Zahdah. God will show you the way and give you the strength to move on in your life, without your husband, if that is what you decide.

    The fact that you have given your husband so many opportunities with therapy etc is very, very commendable. You should take pride in the strength and resilience you have shown in your attempts to heal your husband’s sins. I can tell you I and most women would have given up on him by now. You’re a strong woman and with God by your side you will come to the right decision.


  25. zahdah says:

    Thank you both so very much. Thorin, thank you for your prayer, I so desperately want to do Gods will, whatever that may mean. For I know the good He has for me.
    I have told 3 people about the depths of my husband’s addiction. I told the children about them, to let them know we’re not in this alone. And if they want to talk to someone on the outside. One of them has put us on her churches prayer list. Please pray for our second son specifically, he’s more inclined to act out and claim he’s fine. My daughters become rather clingy since he told them. I wish he had told them with me there, because than I could’ve seen the truth of how it impacted them.
    I’m hoping to have them all go to Freedom Session over the next few years.
    Again, thank you so much for your prayers.


  26. W says:

    Having lots of temptation. Met a very nice gal. We have been seeing each other for a few months. She knows nothing about my problem. She asked me to go to a Halloween party with her and that she’d find something for me to wear, so I agreed. The costume she picked out for me is all female clothes. Didn’t want to let her know my secret and wanted to act like a good sport, so I agreed to the costume she chose and to shaving my legs and armpits as she requested. She wanted me to put everything on for her to see how it looked. I tried to fight it, but the feeling of being dressed completely again was intoxicating. The outfit was similar to others I have worn in the past on my own. For her, it is something fun for Halloween and nothing more. For me, I know that it is going to take a lot of strength to stop after Halloween is over.


  27. Lisa says:

    Hi W, you need to tell her. If you intend to have a serious relationship with this woman you can’t keep your CD addiction from her. The longer you wait the more hurtful it will be to her. Relationships are built on trust.


  28. thorin25 says:

    W, it doesn’t matter what other people think, if you know what is right and wrong. If a friend thought cocaine was harmless and you knew it wasn’t would you agree to try it? Don’t give in to such foolishness. I know the temptation is so juicy and difficult and it is so hard to not give in. Like a dream come true huh? But you know in the end it leads to destruction, a ruined life, addiction, and hurts your relationship with God. Put a stop to it now. You can tell her “no” to the costume even if you decide not to tell her about your addiction. Either way, put a stop to it. You’ve already messed up. But you can still repent, still make a commitment to quit. It kind of sounds like you have already resolved to continue in crossdressing, and are hoping that some day in the distant future you will get resolve to quit again. Remind yourself why you wanted to quit crossdressing in the first place, those reasons haven’t changed. It’s still messed up, still addictive, still will ruin your life. Praying for you that God brings you back into right thinking! Thank you for keeping in touch. It takes courage to do so especially after what you did. Keep checking in and communicating. We are here for you


  29. W says:

    Lisa, i don’t want crossdressing to be part of my life, so I haven’t told her about it. I don’t want to scare her needlessly if I over come it. If things start to get serious with her and I am still struggling, I will try to find a way to let her know my problem.


  30. W says:

    Thorin, I left the clothes at her place that day, so I would avoid the temptation all together. I don’t have any female clothing of my own anymore. I haven’t been crossdressing for months other than trying the clothes she gave me on for a few minutes, so part of me wants to go ahead and go with her to the party, since I already agreed to before I found out what her costume idea was to prove to myself that I with God’s help am stronger than this addiction and it will be just for Halloween. Part of me wonders if I can pass this test. If I don’t think I can handle it, I’ll let her know that I don’t feel comfortable going out dressed like that and sorry for chickening out on her, but would prefer another costume.


  31. temptedsinner says:

    Pass the test NOW dude…… stop and buy yourself a devil costume instead and consider who is whispering to you that you’ll be Ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. thorin25 says:

    W, addicts always try to prove to themselves and others that they are “strong” and can handle the temptation. That is not what God tells us to do. Read my latest blog post about Bible verses and purging. I can’t be a hypocrite. I’ve done what you’ve done before, trying to rationalize an episode of crossdressing by saying I was proving to myself that i don’t need it, or that it wouldn’t give me pleasure, or that it would be only one time. It always fails. Such logic does not work with addiction. God tells to run away from temptation not to embrace it. Imagine you were counseling a crack addict, and he said he just wanted to take it one more time, just to prove to himself that he doesn’t really need it. That is exactly what you are doing. Not wise! Please do whatever possible, whatever excuse you need to make, to get out of doing this costume with her. Who cares if she doesn’t understand. You are doing what is best for yourself. If you lose the relationship over a costume, she wasn’t the one for you anyway. But if she is a good woman for you to be with, she will not end the relationship over such a small thing.

    Crossdressing is also demeaning to women, as it caricatures them. I don’t think it’s funny even in a costume. You could use that as an excuse to get out of it if you want.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. W says:

    Thorin, Thank you for your words of wisdom. I had a similar thought that seemed to come out of nowhere and kept going through my head. Would I give a recovering alcoholic another drink or recommend they drink again once to see if they’re strong enough to stop again? Each time that question went through my head the answer was always no, I would never do that. I would be only fooling myself if I thought I could be different.

    I didn’t tell her that I was a recovering crossdresser, nor did I tell her that I thought crossdressing is demeaning to women. I didn’t get into detail and just told her I didn’t feel comfortable wearing that outfit. She seemed a little disappointed, but she had gotten another costume just in case, so it all worked out. Thank you again for your help.


  34. Temptedsinner says:

    Great work W….


  35. thorin25 says:

    Good job W! Celebrate that victory, even if you have to do so alone. It is worthy of celebrating. Keep on the right path

    Liked by 1 person

  36. Justin says:

    I really enjoy all the topics. Just reading them gives me strength to stay away from cding. It has been an issue since i was 12 years old.


  37. Ben says:

    I am a crossdresser and a born again.
    I don’t know what to do I’m so sad I hate the way I am. However I would not change my self if I could how wrong is that?
    I don’t want god to take this away from me but at the same time I wish I was normal.
    I don’t know what to do I have 4 children and a loving wife. I wonder if I die and go to heven would I be a girl. I need help I need help I need hep please


  38. thorin25 says:

    Ben, many people throughout the world and history have been in your shoes. They want to live for Christ, but they also want to live for sin. It’s rough, but at some point you have to choose. The Bible is clear that those who walk in darkness are not born again, those who continue in a lifestyle of sin are not born again. We are not saved by our good works, but only by God’s grace in Christ. Yet, the evidence of truly being born again is a changed life, walking in the life, no longer walking in sin. Not perfection, but a life characterized by repentance, confession, and no longer walking in sin. 1 John 3:6, James 2, etc.

    Augustine, the greatest theologian ever in the Christian church said before he came to Christ – “Lord give me chastity and self-control, but not just yet!”

    But finally he surrendered fully and completely. You cannot be born again, you cannot be a follower of Jesus, unless you surrender to him 100%, holding nothing back. We have to die to ourselves, and then live a new life in Christ. There is no being born again without first dying to our old self.

    I feel your pain and your struggle, but your life as it is should not continue in this same way. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you should hear the truth. You must choose. Continue in your hypocrisy, pretending to live for Christ, when in reality you are living for your sexual pleasure. Or choose to surrender completely to Christ.

    I will pray for you now that the Holy Spirit would help you to make the right decision. Please keep commenting and communicating here. I care about you, but I will also speak the truth to you.

    In the meantime, keep reading my posts, perhaps especially my posts on the Bible – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/most-important-posts/


  39. Snip says:


    I needed to hear(read) some of your words. I know that if I just focus on being close to Christ that my problem is less of one. Too often will I get focused on how to overcome that I just focus on the problem which turns out to be me thinking about shoes and what I’d like to do. When I focus on Christ, the problem melts away.


    I too have been in a place where I wanted out but also wanted to keep enjoying myself in my lusts. From my own experience, I can say that the grass is greener with Christ. Life still had its challenges and always will, but Christ gives peace in the turmoil. Those of us who understand the place you’re in (in our own way) will be praying for you.


  40. Ray says:

    I am a blood bought believer, and I realize the great struggle I have with crossdressing. I have been doing it in a very serial deviant way for the last 6 months. I have dressed as a female before but the actual impulsion, and addiction did not begin until April of this year. I need help. I am currently in a 12 step program for addiction to alcohol and drugs, but I don’t know how to go about finding help with my struggle for the desire to crossdress. If there is any way you can help me please do.


  41. thorin25 says:

    Ray, you are in the right place. You can get help here. But first thing you need to realize is that the addiction to CD is very similar to your addiction to drugs and alcohol. Once you start taking it just as seriously, you will be able to start finding some freedom. Don’t take it lightly. And it can also ruin your life as do those other addictions.

    Firstly, I will pray for you right now.
    Secondly please consider joining our prayer group for mutual support, encouragement, accountability, and prayer.

    Thirdly, please keep reading my blog posts that I have written over the last years, you will find much help!

    It sounds like you are in deep in the throes of addiction. That means our prayer chain over the internet might not be enough. You may need to get an accountability partner in real life, and / or a Christian counselor who realizes that this addiction is a negative thing (not a counselor who says its a part of you and you should embrace it).

    Keep reading here, keep commenting here, I and others will help you as best we can.
    Start here – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/

    Take this seriously. If you want to stop, you can, but it’s gonna take some hard work! Be prepared to spend time and discipline handling this beast.


  42. Clarissa says:

    Hello and thank you for your post thank you for your comments I am hoping that you can help me I’ve been married for 27 1/2 year on July 22, 2015 I learned that my husband was is I don’t know is a CROSSFRRSSER. Has a wife and a woman Learning this has been extremely hurtful and confusing to me I had no idea throughout our marriage but this is been going on and now I am very unsure of my role in this. I am very scared I feel deceived and Iet down I don’t know how to be his wife. I don’t understand he says he wants the work on your marriage . we are both Christians and I know he prays about this issue every day but I have never Felt so lost . I don’t know what do . I feel out of place in my own marriage .I I want to be supportive but I feel so betrayed and I don’t know how to trust him . Any comments would be welcome and helpful thank you


  43. thorin25 says:

    Clarissa, I encourage you to post again, and share some of your story, at this page of my website – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/

    There you will get much advice, feedback and prayer from other wives.

    I also encourage you to read this post, which includes a special section for wives of crossdressers, I have written it for people like you – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/giving-pastoral-care-to-a-crossdresser-or-transgendered-person/

    Honestly, your situation sounds very good. It sounds like he is repentant and wants to work on the marriage. That is the mark of a true Christian, repentance and confession (not perfection). I know you are hurt, i know he broke your trust, i know it feels like nothing will ever be the same, but there is a lot of hope actually. Your marriage can still work out well, and he and you can both grow in patience, love, faith, forgiveness, and relationship with God through all of this.

    I will pray for you right now, but please keep in touch, get in touch with the other wives on that page, and please keep reading my posts which will help you much.

    If your husband is ready to quit and get help, we at this blog are ready to help him. Please send him our way. He can join our prayer and accountability group –


  44. Johnathan says:

    I have read your blog but have a couple questions. Why is crossdressing bad or an addiction? You had mentioned it ruins relationships, makes life harder, and can lead to sex changing. These are bad things, but, I don’t see how this proves crossdressing is innately bad. Maybe these consequences are a result of societies negative opinion of crossdressing/transgenderism.

    It messes up relationships because the female partner is looking for masculine traits. Perhaps this relationship is just not compatible.

    There is social persecution and shaming because of misunderstanding and personal prejudices. This leads to ostracization and lack of friendships. But, this could be a result of people’s discomfort and not direct issue with crossdressing itself.

    I respect your devotion to the topic but am curious what you think of these things. I wish the best to you. Thanks


  45. thorin25 says:

    Johnathan, thanks for dropping by and giving a comment. I can totally understand your perspective, that perhaps it is more that people don’t like crossdressing that causes the negative feelings and broken relationships. I think part of what you are saying is definitely right.

    But if you are willing to read a bit more, I think in some of my other blog posts you will be able to see that there is a lot more to it, and crossdressing is harmful to oneself even if kept in secret with no one knowing about it, it is harmful even if others accept it.

    This first post shows how crossdressing suppresses our true self, rather than allowing us to be our true self –

    Then you can read this post (please read the posts it links to also, otherwise you will read out of context) – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful

    If you are a Christian, then there is no question that crossdressing is a confusion of God’s good creation, and that crossdressing is sinful and harmful. But even if you are not a Christian, and you don’t bother with all of the biblical and religious arguments, you’ll find a lot in that post to show why crossdressing is problematic still for other reasons that should be plain to people who are not religious also.


  46. Clarissa says:

    Snip and Thorin25
    Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. Thank you for your kindness to me. I don’t want to sound ungrateful or one who is unwilling to try in any way. I just am so struggling with feelings of worthless and lack of value. Thank you for listening to me.


  47. Clarissa says:

    Snip and Thorin25
    Our God is great. I just got off the phone with my husband. God is so good!! My husband told me he wanted to tell me that I have been so helpful to him. He said he thank the lord for his wife staying with him. There was a good conversation between us and to God be the glory. God cares about the small details in our lives and never leaves us . I will continue to pray for all the people on this site . Thank you for listening.


  48. thorin25 says:

    Wonderful news Clarissa! It’s a long journey ahead yet, but Christ will be with you every step of the way, as well as this community. Please keep in touch


  49. Steve says:

    I’m glad I found this website/blog! I too am one of many who STRUGGLE with (verses enjoy) crossdressing! For me, its definitely a fetish. Apart from my sprees, I enjoy my masculinity and thank my creator I was born a man. Nevertheless, this addiction of mine persists. I am glad I found a very welcoming place where others feel like I do. I intend on spend a lot more time here!


  50. thorin25 says:

    Yes Steve, you are very welcome here. Sorry to learn of yet another man who struggles with this, but also glad to meet you as we can help each other to grow and change and be who we really are. Please keep reading my posts. They should help you alot and feel free to comment and discuss with me and others as you read the posts.

    You can also consider whether you’d like to join our prayer group –


  51. Fuzzie Norman says:


    I was seduced into crossdressing when I was about 5 years old.I do hope that doesn’t turn anyone on provoke sick fantasies as that was not my intention.Long story short is my parents has their friends and their 2 daughter about 6 and 8 years old over.We were playing around the house ,ended up in the laundry room and the next thing I know is they are calling me a girl sissy and laughing at me.I looked down to see myself wearing my mom’s underwear and a slip I must admit at the time the sensation was strange and new.
    Mom did leave such pretty thing around the home every so often and I did search for things and tried many things on over the years.When a teen I had enough guilt and bought my own lingerie.
    I would purge and throw it all away after a few week or months vowing never to do it again as the compulsion returned every time even with prayer.

    I did have girlfriends and relationships but none new until my mid 20;s when I awoke to a curious sensation my girl was applying nail polish to my toes.She asked if I liked it and eventually admitted i did.She said she’d be right back.She came back into the room with 2 identical lace trimmed teddies one blue and one pink and asked me to choose one.So being the guy lol I chose blue.We then made crazy love for hours.
    My point in revealing all this is this_ SOME women seem to enjoy CD type behaviour and at the end of that relationship she admitted to being bisexual0story of my life with most girls.I have told 6 women in my life all were amazing and accepted it all until one day when the ‘expiration date’ rears its head,by that it seems one day they WILL get fed up of their man sissy and want a man.
    I lost the love of my life in 2015 and thought she would be my wife,but i thought I was TG and questioned myself,also becoming darkly depressed as my life has been very rough with no career and shaky health lat 3 years.
    Suffice to say I left my girl things at her home after I moved home and she eventually turned up with them unannounced so I had to shift them from one storage facility to the next to score the monthly deal/I found an online CD friend who is still storing my things and I do not really want to see them again but she lives on the 19th floor in an apt,so I am obligated to retrieve them eventually.

    I have never been so sad in my life and with light antidepressants ,I have never been more manly and happy with it,I just looked at CD type pics online ,even read a few CD ads and was utterly revolted and ashamed of my past behaviour.
    I know I am straight always was,I am male but sensitive but no sissy.
    I vow if I ever slip back into closet CDing which I do NOT wish to that I would never tell any women.After six girls accepted it like I said there comes a time that they want rid of you and your compulsion.
    Crossdressing IS a completely DESTRUCTIVE FORCE,for the good of your man to women relationship do NOT let it enter your love life or everyday life.Take it from one who regrets it more than anything I’ve ever done.


  52. Fuzzie Norman says:

    Apology for the typos above


  53. thorin25 says:

    Fuzzie thanks for the testimony. It was quite specific, I hope it doesn’t arouse other men here who read it. But sometimes it’s good to be specific so we know where you’ve come from. Anyway, in further posts, try to refrain from things that might turn people on and get them on a path of sin.

    Thank you for sharing about the realities of CD in your life. It certainly is a destructive force. If you keep reading my posts, and talking to others here, you’ll see that you are not alone, that hundreds or thousands of us have also realized how destructive it is and have quit.

    Is there anything I can do to help you?

    If you are a Christian, and would value prayer and accountability to be able to fully quit, as well as heal and find joy in your life again, you are welcome to join our prayer group – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Otherwise, please keep sharing your testimony with others. Please keep commenting here and discussing the issues with us. May God bless you and give you courage and strength to remain firm in your resolve to quit. May he give you healing and freedom!


  54. Michael Bondarenko says:

    Help me with my crossdressing tranny issues


  55. thorin25 says:

    Michael, I will pray for you right now. I encourage you to keep reading my blog posts and keep discussing the issues with me. How else would you like help?


  56. Fuzzie Norman says:

    Thank you very much Thorin for your kind words and prayers,though no longer a Christian I certainly appreciate any help I can get.Is your support group online? as I live with family and cannot do that, thanks again Fuzzie Norman I also require help logging in forgot my password


  57. thorin25 says:

    Fuzzie, here is the link explaining our online prayer group. Before you sign up, make sure you have an anonymous email address. Even though you are not a Christian, you are welcome since you will appreciate us praying for you and giving you support. Perhaps God is using this time to draw you back to himself?


    I really don’t know what you are talking about with losing your password. You lost your password for what?

    Liked by 1 person

  58. Snip says:


    I find this article/video worth watching. She makes the point that transgenders take power from women and destroy what it means to be a woman.

    I hate the word transgender and see gender as a biological construct with certain gender roles/stereotypes being cultural.


  59. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Snip, I will add it to my list of links I need to read 🙂


  60. Nathan vinson says:

    I’m a Christian but I struggle with wearing women clothes as much my flesh does enjoy it but it wrong and I ask God to help me and I quit for couple of days than I go back to it I am marry my wife hates it I don’t know how to stop I get set free but I go back to it why can’t I stop


  61. thorin25 says:

    Nathan, you are not alone. I will pray for you right now. Don’t give up. Change is possible. I encourage you to keep reading the posts on this site and consider joining our prayer group –

    Here is a good post to get you started on quitting – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/


  62. Lisa says:

    Hi Nathan, you’ve come to the right place. With God’s help you can beat your crossdressing addiction. I’m sure your wife loves you very much. She will be very concerned and wondering why she isn’t enough for you. I’m sure you love your wife more than crossdressing. Which is why it will be possible for you to overcome.

    Liked by 1 person

  63. Mike says:

    Thorin, I was wondering where did you get your degree in Neurobehavioral Science. I had written you earlier concerning what the medical community has examined and the results thereof. Johns Hopkins, Stanford University and a few other research teams have discovered links between hormone imbalance in the mother and gender identity issues in the fetus…Before you discredit their findings it may benefit you to research it yourself… Yes we are here to overcome, I just happen to believe it may help some to understand themselves better if they are informed. If you have no training or degree in Neurobehavioral Science then you should not be commenting as one who is educated in this area…..ps Don’t write back I do not care to hear from you.


  64. thorin25 says:

    Mike, you said you didn’t want to hear from me, but it’s strange to attack me in your comment, and then not let me respond. I have no idea what you are talking about. I don’t remember talking to you before, nor do I claim anywhere on my blog to have education in neuroscience.

    The only times I have ever mentioned the science and the studies you mention is when I have said that it is a topic I still need to research for myself and plan to do so, because I don’t know the science and am interested in learning about it. I have been very up front about my lack of knowledge of those scientific studies. I have a to-do list of about 20 books and 300 articles I am still trying to get time to read, including those scientific studies.

    Next time, be much more careful in your judgments of others.

    Liked by 1 person

  65. ms727231 says:

    My ex came out as a crossdresser after we broke up. He struggled with who he was for years. He touched on the subject before but never talked about it. How do I be there for him and how do I pray for him? I still care for him. We agreed to be friends but he isn’t letting me in.How do I reach him?


  66. thorin25 says:

    ms7, thanks for the comment. That is a tough question. I can best answer you by suggesting you read this post I wrote for people like you –



  67. Snip says:


    Just thought I’d check in and say I’m doing well. I still have my thoughts on occasion, but haven’t had any really bad struggles recently.
    It’s been more than 3 years since i acted out.

    Thanks again for this blog. It really helped me. Now I stay away from the blog due to increased temptation when I read and think about these things. I’ll still check in every once in a while.


  68. Wes says:

    I am going through a difficult time. My wife has given me an ultimatum to stop crossdressing. However, she doesn’t believe that I will stop because I have not keep my word in past. I truly want to stop crossdressing and I need help. Also, my wife does not understand our struggles with crossfressing. Her answer is to just quit..it is an addiction and get over it. I am reading your blogs and find them very helpful. I feel that I need support.


  69. thorin25 says:

    Wes thank you for being honest and asking for help. Like any addiction, to quit you do need to just quit. But like any addiction, it’s going to be super tough to do so. But you have to quit completely, if you dabble still in CD, you’ll never be able to stop, it always escalates. You really do have to go cold turkey, make a firm solid commitment never to give in again, and put up safeguards, get accountability partners, spend time in the Word every day, pray continually, and do whatever is necessary.

    I am going to pray for you right now that God would give you all the support and help that you need. Are you a Christian?

    But also, I suggest a few things to get you started on the road to recovery and freedom –

    1. Keep reading my blog posts. Perhaps these will get you started well –

    2. Find an accountability partner.

    3. Consider joining our email prayer group. You are very welcome. We would love to have you join and support you in any way that we can – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/
    In this group you can be prayed for, get advice, vent your frustrations, and get some accountability. It is a confidential group.


  70. thorin25 says:

    Wes, this post would do a lot in helping your wife know how to deal with this herself – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/giving-pastoral-care-to-a-crossdresser-or-transgendered-person/


  71. CD wife says:

    Your wife might not feel so alone if she reads through the wives posts. Perhaps you could suggest this to her.


  72. Travis63 says:

    I recently came across this site and wanted to offer a tip that I hope might help others find peace. My cross-dressing addiction ruined my first marriage, and nearly wrecked my second. I took it about as far as one can without fully transitioning – i.e., I was on and off hormones for years, and lived parts of my life as a “woman”. I even “dated” men, on occasion. I even once flew to another city, en femme (despite being just over 6′ tall, I could pass reasonably well).

    I tried many times to quit, but the feelings always came rushing back. Therapists always seemed to have a vested interest in encouraging me to take things further. I didn’t seek religious counseling, largely due to the sense of shame that I felt.

    Throughout those years, I sought various treatments for depression. It was the usual trajectory of suicidal thoughts, sometimes unable to leave the house for days. My cross-gender addiction provided a way of climbing out of a funk. It gave me a temporary high that allowed me to forget for a moment that my life was crashing down all around me.

    About 6 years ago, I was looking to get off of Effexor, which was having unfortunate side effects (the withdrawal effects were a literal nightmare from hell). My psychiatrist (who knew about my transgender behavior but did not profess to have much knowledge of the topic) recommended Wellbutrin (generically known as bupropion). What I didn’t know at the time is that one of the off-label uses for bupropion is the treatment of some addictive behaviors, such as smoking.

    After about a week or two on bupropion, the urge to cross-dress went away. I don’t mean to say that I didn’t think about it; I did. But that overwhelming compulsion, which I’m sure you all know, simply died. The thought of going to all the trouble of cross-dressing simply lost its appeal. My psychiatrist was amazed by this “side effect”.

    I am convinced that bupriopion can be an effective treatment for compulsive cross-dressing behavior. I realize now that all of those health professionals who encouraged me to fully transition did not have my best interests at heart. I liken it to a gambling addict whose therapist advises him to quit his job, sell everything, and move to Las Vegas.

    I have been clean for almost 6 years, and have no desire to go back. I have thrown myself into more wholesome pursuits, and have rediscovered a passion for my work, as well as for being a good husband and father to my kids. My body has been permanently disfigured by the hormone therapy, but thank God I have a loving wife who appreciates my efforts to be a better man for her.

    I hope this helps someone.


  73. thorin25 says:

    Thank you Travis for the testimony. Very helpful and good to hear. Have you ever heard of any other crossdressers finding help from that medication?


  74. Lisa says:

    Hi Travis63. You went through so much pain and came out the other side victorious. You’re an inspiration to others. Just shows what can be achieved with the right treatment. God bless you and well done.


  75. Travis63 says:

    Thorin: I have not heard of others being treated with this medication, nor am I aware of efforts to study treatment of compulsive cross-dressing through medication. I just know that it worked for me.

    Lisa: Thanks. It’s like being an alcoholic – every day is a victory. I still think about it, sometimes even fantasize about it. Every now and then, I have a dream about it, and wake up feeling like I miss that part of me. But the feeling quickly passes, as I no longer have a strong urge to do it.


  76. Donna says:

    Are you aware of a similar site for women struggling with gender dysphoria? My daughter is taking testosterone and wants to some day transition. She does not see this as being inconsistent with being a Christian. Thank you!


  77. thorin25 says:

    Donna, I’m not aware of a similar site. However, I have written about transgender a lot in general. The articles I’ve shared, the blog posts I’ve written about transgender issues, will be of great help to you (and her). We even have a woman in our prayer group. The organizations I’ve listed would also be helpful.


    I will pray for you right now and your daughter


  78. Tim says:

    Today I took the bold step of giving my stash of about $400 worth of women’s clothes to a charity shop. I had 12 years of no cross dressing after some healing after prayer, but 2 years ago I relapsed after triggering from a conversation at a wedding.

    I feel positive that I’ve made the right step, as I want to move on with my life and get married one day, but I already feel anxious that I’ll just go and start buying clothes online again.

    Prayers would be hugely appreciated so I can move forward with my life. Thanks


  79. thorin25 says:

    Tim well done! That’s not a small thing. I will pray for you right now, but I encourage you to join our prayer group for ongoing accountability and a chance for you to help others


  80. Lisa says:

    Hi Tim well done. Please continue to be strong and not give in to your desires to cross dress. Especially if you want to get married one day. I will pray for you, Tim. You can do it.


  81. Dave says:

    Hi. I quit cross dressing for 15 yrs, had a relapse last year, but past it. It’s been a coping mechanism in the past, and reared it’s ugly head again once my marriage began to fail. My question now is, do I need to divulge this past to new romantic interests? Thanks.


  82. thorin25 says:

    I think most of the wives who post at this site would say definitely “yes”. For me, I say this a bit hypocritically because I didn’t tell my wife until after we were already married, but I think it’s wise to get it out in the open first. For a few reasons. 1. You may indeed struggle with it again in the future, and she might need to be there to support you, just as you would also tell her before getting married that you used to be an alcoholic and that you no longer drink. 2. See how she reacts. You want to marry someone who can be open about her own struggles, and who can forgive you for your past struggles. Chances are she will respond with grace and understanding, though surprised at first, and also share with you her past struggles. 3. It’s better to know each other well before going into marriage, know who you are marrying. You don’t just want to be loved. You want to be known, and loved. That’s how God’s love is for us. He knows all of our shit, and yet he still loves us, that is the most incredible feeling. You want that kind of love from your spouse too, to be known and loved.


  83. CD wife says:

    I understand many CD and porn addicts believe marriage will help “cure” them but i know the devastation of all this and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It destroys. I respect any wife who can live with it but i will never understand how .


  84. CD wife says:

    Thorin why did you not tell your wife ?


  85. Dave says:

    Thanks, Thorin. I knew “the talk” would have to come before marriage was discussed, but am not sure at which point this subject should be breached.


  86. thorin25 says:

    CD wife, it’s a good question. It’s so long ago now that it is hard to remember. I’ve always been a very open and honest person, too honest probably, but in that case, maybe I felt so much fear as to how she would react. Maybe I thought it was in the past. I know for sure I always planned to tell her at some point, but why I waited till after the marriage started, I don’t know. I think it would have been more ethical and forthright to tell her while we were engaged, before marriage. She was not hurt at all that I didn’t tell her before marriage, unlike many of your experiences, but that could be because when I told her I was not struggling much with it and told her to never let me do it, and that I would always fight against it when temptations came.


  87. zahdah says:

    Thorin, if my husband had told me like that, it would have made a world of difference. But he said it was who he was. After he became a Christian, we went through several cycles of him purging and then saying it’s who he is, each cycle taking him further. He then claimed God said for him to embrace it, its how He had made him. This really challenged my own faith. I could not follow a god who condoned that. Long story shorter, I learnt about healthy boundaries, he no longer cds nor wants to, though he definitely still gets tempted and even stumbles sometimes. I’m slowly learning to trust again, but have learnt that most of my problems came from within myself, so God is doing indefinite surgery on me. There one thing that I don’t know how to get past, so I’m asking for advice. The last few cycles, he took hormone pills to grow breasts. Now he has small, obvious, breasts. I told him, right when he started, that I would never touch him there, if he got breasts. A few times it’s come out that this really hurts him, that I completely avoid the area. I don’t even like close hugs, if I can feel them. Once or twice I have “touched” them, and felt gross afterwards. He says he understands why, but that it still hurts. I don’t know what to do. I feel like, by avoiding it, I’m kind of punishing him forever. Which means in unforgiveness. But on the other hand, I feel dirty if I do. Any advice?


  88. thorin25 says:

    Zahdah, that is really tough. I don’t know what to say. It’s terribly hard on you, and hard on him as well. I don’t like the idea of punishing him forever when he has repented and changed. But on the other hand, you can’t force yourself to be attracted to something that reminds you every time of his sin, every time you look at his chest. It’s part of the consequences of his actions. I don’t know enough about hormones and breast growth, or let me say I know virtually nothing about that. But it seems like maybe they would go back to normal over time, not being on the hormones anymore? Maybe some of the other guys who have had that experience could chime in. But there is always the option of getting treatment from a doctor, I’m sure they could take care of the problem. Probably would cost a lot of money, but it would be worth almost any amount to save your marriage and remove that constant reminder of sin.

    Otherwise, just thinking out loud here, I could be wrong, but maybe God could transform the image in each of your minds. For example, the cross is an instrument of death and torture, but now we see the cross and have hope and joy. Perhaps his chest will be a reminder of how close he came to destroying himself and the marriage, but now you can both look at it and learn to be reminded of God’s grace, of God pulling your husband back from the brink, of your husband choosing you rather than his sin.

    Liked by 1 person

  89. zahdah says:

    Thanks Thorin, hopefully God does change my outlook on it. I have no idea how my husband views them. He’s repented and apologized for ruining his body for me, considering his body is supposed to be mine, but we both have so much pain, especially in the sex area, that it’s really hard to talk about it. I’ve been praying for so long for healing, but am still at a loss.
    He quit taking the hormones last Christmas time, but I haven’t really noticed a difference. I like the thought of putting all that on the cross and seeing it as redemption instead of betrayal. Thank you.


  90. Clarissa says:

    I just read becoming the women my wife is not.
    I do not know why but reading that always helps me when I am having a hard time. Thank you very much. Hope things are well with all and thank you for listening


  91. thorin25 says:

    In what way did it help you? Thanks for the feedback


  92. Jerusalem says:

    zahdah – unfortunately the best option for getting rid of gynecomastia is by surgical removal. It can be a pretty common issue, believe it or not, that affects men of all types so its not something he should be embarrassed about pursuing. I can’t imagine the pain it may have caused the both of you. Physical touch is so important in a marriage I think you should do whatever it takes to restore that between the two of you. Its such an embarrassing issue for a man to openly discuss with a wife he usually chooses not too which is why sometimes things “happen behind your back.” The male is afraid of the rejection and to lose respect he will not bring things up, and sometimes when they are brought up, a fight ensues, which discourages any more discussion. One thing that men who struggle with CD constantly tend to bring up is being “alone”. BUT this is where you come in! Eve was created as Adam’s Helper and companion. God created you to HELP your husband with his struggle. This means you should talk to him openly about it, set some boundaries you both can agree on. But help him, please help him! Proverbs 31:12 “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” One of the biggest troubles with men struggling with CD is realizing God created them PERFECT for the job he created in advance for him to do. (Eph 2:10) God always insist on starting in the home first, get that in order, before he can use him. (1 Tim 3). Now as far as how to make this all happen, LOTS OF PRAYER! But this is what i would suggest, 1) Get involved in a Love and Respect marriage bible study to learn how to communicate effectively with each other 2) Start praying with each other, even if its once a week, this forces you to talk, discuss, and take a part in praying for each others needs and struggles. 3) Treat him to things that will appeal to that side of his nature. (Go watch a classical ballet, go get a pedicure together, give him flowers, do things that will appeal to his nature that he CULTURALLY is prevented from enjoying. Watching ballet is something I love but as a man cannot do “willingly” trying to uphold the macho character for the guys. Give him the “got to go do this thing with the wife”… excuse) The horrible thing about American culture is some of these things are not permitted for a man to enjoy due to his need to uphold “Respect” amongst his peer groups. Its completely idiotic. The point is, don’t just make him quit every aspect of who he is cold turkey and watch his every move. This can make him fear like you either don’t trust him(if he is actively trying to change) or are trying to turn him into “your” idea of who he should be. God created him perfect to be a HUSBAND (and maybe father?) who’s role is a protector and provider. In my own marriage I was forced to struggle and heal alone, my wife was too unconfident and clueless on how to be my friend and ally. Not her fault, she in no way could have ever prepared, she is also the weaker partner (1 Peter 3:7) But those days were very lonely and I would have killed to have her by my side helping. Even her telling me she was praying for me meant the world to me! (which prayer is by far, the best help!) I will pray for you two right now, and I hope I am at least some help. -In his love,


  93. CDingHurts says:

    I just read the testimony by Travis63, and just wanted to add that I think the whole CDing community, never mind the health professionals, has a vested interest in pushing the line that this is somehow just ‘who we are’ and that we should embrace it as the ‘solution’ to the distress it causes. Some CDs are genuinely far along the sexuality continuum towards feeling as women but trapped in a man’s body; for most of us I believe we are stuck in a psychological response to deeper issues, main ones being emotional weaknesses or immaturity of some sort, and CDing is a response to these and loneliness. I just wish the CD community and health community would accept this, and integrate it into their responses (not to say the orthodox view is wrong, but to see things on a case by case basis). For me personally, there were several moments when I went to the community for help, and always got the same response: once a CD always a CD, embrace it and love yourself. This always blocked any willpower I had to change my behaviour. Once I saw it as an addiction, and went to addiction sites, I have managed to stop. Being free of it now for a year, I feel liberated. ANY thing that helps, be it proper counselling, or the medicine Travis63 is suggesting, has to be in the tool kits of those we go to for help.


  94. Dave says:

    Please pray for my marriage. My wife found some old things of mine and of course her mind ran wild with what all I could possibly be doing. I love my wife and don’t want to lose her. We are both Christians and want a blessed marriage.


  95. thorin25 says:

    Dave I will do so. I suggest your wife comment here – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/ to get support from other wives

    And that she read this blog post which will help her to understand your situation – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/giving-pastoral-care-to-a-crossdresser-or-transgendered-person/

    I advise you to be totally transparent and repentant, discuss all of this with her, request her forgiveness, and hopefully move forward together


  96. CDHurting says:

    Dave are you the same person who was asking about revealing to a new romantic interest? Are you talking about this new interest now (ie did you remarry?). Either way, I can imagine the panic and stress when the clothes were found. I feel for you. As Thorin says, be transparent. We need to be known and loved, and known to be loved. I should have told my wife before we married, but thought it was a temporary thing. I had not even thought of dressing all through early adulthood into my 30s…But later, at a time of huge emotional and mental challenges, I found myself staying temporarily in a ‘spare room’ in a student house, which turned out to be someone’s room not being used for a while. I opened the drawers and found bras and other things…well, the rest you can imagine. After a bout of CDing I stopped as my relationship settled and I got married. But new emotional stress set it off again 2-3 years later, as a kind of escape from reality. Sharing it would have risked losing my marriage and children. But I so should have told her then. Your old or new partner needs to know, and either say thank you for your honesty, I value that and let’s work on it, or no, I cant handle it. Deceit and destroyed trust trumps everything else. My marriage and family are in crisis because of the deceit, not the dressing as such. I will also pray for you and your marriage, I can feel your anxiety in your short post. God be with you both.


  97. Andrew says:

    Dave, as you can see there is help and hope here. All who come here are more than welcome to share as much as they want and if you are prepared to enter into an accountability group then go our email prayer chain and join us as we fight this demon together as a Band of Brothers.
    Please as has been suggested be as transparent as you can be at all times with your wife. Honesty will go further in helping her to hear what has been going on with you. Make sure that she understands that she is still the love of your life and what happened in the past is not who you are now. Your identity is Christ and though you may have slipped in the past, these are the things that you have put in place to help you stay clean and “sober”. If you need help making a plan then please let us know how we can assist you. Please hear me when I say that you are not alone in this anymore so welcome!

    Praying for you

    Liked by 1 person

  98. Colton says:

    Hey my name is Colton, I’m addicted to going back and looking at all the pictures I’ve posted online.. I don’t like it anymore, God has turned me away from the sin. But the urge still remains and I need help….


  99. thorin25 says:

    Colton I emailed you when you first posted. But I didn’t hear back.

    There is hope, you can actually fight this sin and win and find healing, health, contentment and freedom from crossdressing. It’s not always an easy road, but you can do it.

    Do you know Jesus personally?

    I highly encourage you to join our group – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/email-prayer-chain/

    Also, don’t expect the urges to go away completely – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/02/05/healing-doesnt-mean-no-more-temptations/

    And don’t expect to give up crossdressing without putting some effort in – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2014/12/31/no-more-half-measures/

    The longer you stop giving in to crossdressing, the longer you let yourself be attracted to what you are supposed to be attracted to, the closer you get to God in your relationship with him, you can start experiencing a lot less of the urges and less strong. There is hope for change. I and many others have experienced it.


  100. Goodman says:

    For the sake of anonymity you can call me Goodman. I really need to talk about my problem and situation and healing. Just found your site, i have never told anyone my story or talked about it with anyone except my heavenly father. so i want to pray about posting my story. Im just so tired of dealing with it (30 years). Guilt, shame , purge again and again.
    So i would like to share my story with you first then maybe we can decide weather to post on your blog. Thanks Thorin.


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