Email Prayer Group

We have created an email-based prayer group for Christians who are struggling with some sort of crossdressing desires, and for those of us who want to pray for those who are struggling.

If you reply on this page, I’ll get your email address.  (I suggest creating an anonymous email account first).  I will add you to our group.  I’ll send you an email with instructions.   Whenever you want immediate prayer or support when you are having a rough day or are feeling tempted, you just send us an email and we can all pray for you.  This group is also a way to get quick advice or encouragement if you need it.  By joining this group, you’ll get to hear good advice and encouragement from a lot of men besides me.

It’s not easy to find accountability and prayer partners in our real lives with this issue (though I have been blessed with four great men who have done this for me throughout my life).  This email-based prayer group has provided us with an excellent way to support each other in our common struggle.  A whole group of people that understand exactly what you are going through.

This prayer group is intended for Christians and for those who desire to resist crossdressing.  But if you have slightly different views, and still want to join the group for prayer and support, you are welcome to do so.

As more people sign up, I’ll add you to the group.  Again, for your security, I suggest using an anonymous email account.  I look forward to praying for you.

In Christ,
Thorin

*Please do not post your email in the body of the comment itself. It is important to protect yourself from spam and potential harassment by never publicly posting your personal information (such as your email address) on this or any other blog. Rest assured that I will keep your email address confidential.

294 comments on “Email Prayer Group

  1. Thomas says:

    Lisa, here’s why. We both own our own homes, we both have children that are grown with kids(our grandkids) and out of the nest. She has one grandchild just entering college with the other graduating from college in December. I have to grandsons in high school. She, like me, wants to use our assets for our grandkids. Not a problem, you say(or think). Me too. She keeps saying that things in her life are too complicated. We are both celibate but we are great companions for each other. We just completed a two and a half month trip, in a camping trailer, to Mt Rushmore, Yellowstone and all the lighthouses we could get to from Washington to southern California–62 lighthouses, almost all of them. We are like brother and sister when travelling together–separate bedrooms–God is my witness. Very unusual this day and age. At first I really wanted to get married but she refused. It’s been three years now and I have come to the conclusion that we probably never will and that it really is complicated. She and I both have medical issues that might be interfering as well. Only the Lord knows if it will ever happen. We spend time together every day, go to church together, go on dinner dates all the time, and enjoy visiting and playing cards with common friends.

    When my wife died of Parkinson’s Disease & Dementia almost 3 years ago, I started looking for another wife due to the loneliness I was experiencing. She and I had 47 wonderful years married to each other–I say wonderful because we weathered a lot of storms, not only dressing. My girl friend lost her husband to Parkinson’s as well and stayed single 16 years after his death. She was a member of my church, I knew her, she knew me and my deceased wife so we started dating, I shared with her right away about my CD’ing, she was inquisitive about it and asked why I did it, I told her everything I could and her response was “OK”. But, last week, when I told her I was struggling with how the dressing was getting out of hand, and that I had moved everything out of my house to a storage rental, she told she was glad to hear that because my dressing was bothering her lately. She knows everything there is to know about me. I keep nothing back. I told her I would not hide anything from her because I love her. We don’t live together, especially at night, but we spend the rest of the time like we are married–friends have asked why we don’t just marry–we both say “It’s complicated” now. Only God knows if and when it happens. Side Note: Her daughter is in her 40’s and it came up about me and if I ever “pinched her on her butt” and she told her daughter that “he’s a gentleman and he would never do that.” Funny, I thot–kids today!

    I know I shared more than I probably needed to. It is a GOD thing for me. I’ve experienced numerous trials thru-out my married life(raising a wayward teen, loss of jobs, returning to college 12 years after dropping out, my breast cancer, her cancer to list a few) and I have found that it takes compromise AND a strong faith to make it work. I think that society has made it too easy for couples to divorce–any excuse can be used. I found that trials make you stronger when you know the Lord personally, both sides have to compromise and allow HIM to work it out–worked for me.

    Hope this helps you,

    Like

  2. Lisa says:

    Hi Jacob. I know telling your wife will be difficult for you. But tell her you must. The longer you keep this from her the more hurtful it will be. I will pray for you to find the strength to tell her and together overcome your cross dressing addiction.

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  3. Lisa says:

    Thomas. Thank you for that very inspiring reply. Sounds like you are really working through things. I fully understand your reasons now. God bless you.

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  4. billylongtermcd says:

    Hi jacob tee
    telling your wife needs to be approached prayerfully pray for your wife that God will give her the grace to try and understand this very complex addiction and that he will help her to realise that all our sins were dealt with at Calvary even sins like c d that she probably won’t be able to understand fact is we don’t understand it ourselves or we wouldn’t need to be on this site. Pray for yourself that you will prepare properly and sit down with her tell her you have something very important to speak to her about and make sure you have plenty time available. I will pray for both of you as I am sure will thorin,Lisa and others on this blog. I am sure you don’t need me to tell you that to expect a good outcome you need to be in a repentant state of heart and mind.
    From a personal point of view our relationship is much stronger and more loving now that my wife understands all the mood swings etc. Admittedly to start with it was a real shock but when we talked it through and she began to understand at least something of complexity of this addiction she has since been able to help me. It is four years now since she found out

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  5. Snip says:

    Jacob,

    I think it’s great that you want to beat this. I have a few scattered thoughts that may or may not help you.

    1. I would suggest that she come to this website and read. The post about giving pastoral care would be very helpful.

    2. I think women like their men to be open and honest, but she will be glad in the long run if you don’t tell her every little detail, especially at first.

    3. I know this is hard, but hope for the best while expecting her to be hurt.

    4. When I was first working on my addiction, I would tell my wife every time I had a thought linger (and I dwelt on it). I wouldn’t always tell her what the thought was, but that I had a bad thought. (An accountability partner would be great for this)

    5. It may be appropriate to show the attitude that you have a problem and she can help you with it. I don’t know how else to say that asking for help could help her feel better about the whole thing.

    These are some of the thoughts that have crossed my mind about it. I was open with my wife when we had only dated for about a month and she has helped me immensely. Where you have fought it for quite some time, I imagine that she will be willing to support you.

    Please take the things I’ve said with a grain of salt as they only mean something in my situation, but could be helpful for you.

    I’ll be praying for you

    -snip

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  6. Jacob-Tee says:

    Snip, Billylong and Lisa, thanks for the encouragements! Knowing that there is a community out here where you are being prayed for is a great relief in itself. I have hinted to my wife about being brought up in a brothers only environment and that girls underwear had been something of an obsession for me. Also I have told her that I try to stay out of the house because there is too much temptation when she is not around. I don’t intend to fool myself but I do have my urge to CD in check and hope I can stay away. I do not know if I can crop up enough courage to say to her thought at this point.

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  7. thorin25 says:

    Jacob, this is the post Snip was referring to, there is a whole section within that post for wives – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2015/11/04/giving-pastoral-care-to-a-crossdresser-or-transgendered-person/

    It might give you some ideas about how to talk about it

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  8. Lisa says:

    Jacob, how did your wife react when you made those hints to her? If their was no reaction you will have to spell it out for her. Don’t be afraid just tell her. Women appreciate honesty. If it is just crossdressing, and she loves you, she will help you beat your CD addiction. Good luck Jacob I and others are praying for you.

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  9. Thomas says:

    Thorin, Two weeks with few, if any, regrets so far–PTL! Passing thots have crossed my mind but I just ask for grace to ignore and He has been there for me. I continually pray for everyone on this site who are struggling–both the CD’r and wife(girl friend). I pray that God’s will be done in your lives and that He gives you all victory.

    Still in Him

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  10. thorin25 says:

    Praise God Thomas! Keep up the good work and thank you for your prayers for us. We need them.

    Like

  11. Bel1ever says:

    Hi, Please could you add me to your prayer group?

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  12. Lisa says:

    Thomas, what a wonderful sermon. God bless you. I wish you continued strength in your fight against CD. You’re an inspiration.

    Like

  13. Thomas says:

    Thanks Lisa, it’s not me, It’s Him working in me

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  14. thorin25 says:

    I deleted Thomas’ beautiful prayer as he meant to post it in our private prayer group, rather than here. I transferred it to the prayer group. Thank you prayers everyone

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  15. Thomas says:

    Still doing OK, no major issues for first month. Praise His name. Still have you all in my prayers. God Bless!

    Like

  16. thorin25 says:

    Thomas, you have been able to post to my blog here, but are you able to get into your email? I’ve sent you several emails but have not received any emails back from you. Please try to check your email, see what I wrote, and write me back within email. Thanks!

    Glad to hear you are doing well! Praise the Lord

    Like

  17. Thomas says:

    Wow!!!! I just finished reading your latest post Thorin(re: video) I prayed for him immediately that God uses him to reach many others before they make such decisions. I thanked the Holy Spirit that he convicted me before I could have gone that far. Oh, how thankful I am. My heart goes out to this man, he NEEDS our prayers. I would like to know more about how God intervened in his life–what prompted the change. I pray a special blessing on the one(s) who helped him turn his life around. It is going to be a tough road for him but our God specializes in “tough”.

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  18. Thomas says:

    I guess I don’t really understand how to access the secured prayer group. I do like I just have here. I will not use any names as you have asked. I guess my only access is when you email me and I reply then and there. Like I have said before, I am not too “swift” when it comes to responding and how to. Sorry

    Like

  19. thorin25 says:

    It’s okay Thomas. If you want, email me back, and I will help you, step by step, to get the prayer group technical issues sorted out for you.

    Otherwise, you are still welcome to continue to comment right here as you have just done, but keeping confidential what people email to you from the prayer group. Thanks!

    Like

  20. Stone says:

    I would like to join the email pray group. I was a member before. I have a different email now.

    Like

  21. thorin25 says:

    Stone, can you remind me what your name was that you went by before, so I can remember you? Let me know, and then I’ll re-add you

    Like

  22. Thomas says:

    I am having several strong issues(weather, boredom, intense physical therapy) going on in my life and this evening thots of dressing crossed my mind for the first time in a month. Serious thots! I am just not satisfied with what is going on in my life right now. I cannot bring myself to work on crafts which I really spent most of my time on–no motivation. I attend church regularly and Sunday school–have ever since I can remember. I do not cook, live alone, eat out often and watch the daily” judges” shows, all football games and FOX News. I brushed off all the recent thots about dressing but tonight was different–I imagined in my mind dressing one more time. I even selected the outfit but, it’s late, and I think I just need to go to bed. My daily emails from women’s clothing sites have gone to “none” and I get few emails as a result–nothing to look at–I could go online but have resisted that so far. I don’t really want to dress I guess…………….or do I? For now, Lord help me to keep saying “NO”!

    Just felt the need to share.

    Like

  23. Snip says:

    You can do it Thomas!

    Like

  24. billylongtermcd says:

    HI Thomas
    Don’t give in Jesus said in Mathew 7 v 7 ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you. Like yourself I have been tempted a few times over the last couple of months I keep asking Jesus to help me with the temptation and he does. It’s wonderful to realise that Jesus understand he was tempted like we are so he comes to our help when we ask him. I will pray for you Thomas that you will find the strength to say no to the devil and yes to Jesus. God bless you in tho struggle
    billy

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  25. Lisa says:

    Hi Thomas. If you still have women’s clothes at your home. You may want to think seriously about giving them to charity. Having women’s attire around the house is to much of a temptation for you. Please stay strong and resist your urges. God be with you Thomas.

    Like

  26. Snip says:

    Thomas,

    Last night I didn’t have much time to respond and encourage. Hopefully you feel better this morning. I imagine many in this group understand the feeling of only desiring to dress and not having any motivation to do other things. I know I experienced that at a time when I was’t strengthened by Christ against this problem of mine.

    Maybe try finding someone to talk to about how you are feeling, and the things cd seems to give you (such as feelings like being cute, gentle, sensitive, and even flirty among others). I did this with my wife last night and realized my ideas of femininity are still way out of touch with reality. This really helped shake off the fog.

    I’ll be praying for you Thomas. You’ve gone a month. Which means you can go at least another day (one day at a time).

    Like

  27. Lisa says:

    Snip, you’re so lucky to have an understanding wife to talk to. As you say she gave you a reality check. Continued success in your on going quest to beat your CDing addiction. Praise the Lord.

    Like

  28. thorin25 says:

    Thomas, praying for you. We’ve all been there with those feelings. When we get our minds fixated on something that brings us physical pleasure (whether sexual or emotional endorphins), it’s really hard to want to do other things. For me at those times, I get helped by finding productive ministry work to spend time on, or even to play video games that I find really fun.

    It seems you have not responded since first reaching out. If that means you have failed by giving in to CD since posting that, don’t think it’s the end. We all have setbacks. Just confess, and begin again. Don’t wallow in the addiction. It will not help you. A failure is not evidence that you made the wrong decision in quitting. It’s just a relapse, of which I’ve had many. You can come back from this and begin again. But I’m hoping you resisted!

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  29. Lisa says:

    Thomas, please respond. Just know we care and are concerned about you. If you didn’t resist your temptations that’s okay. Start by ridding female clothing from your home. So thoughts cannot become actions. We’re here to help you through this trying time. Praying for you Thomas hope you’re okay?

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  30. stone says:

    Thorin- I would like to get set up with a more anonymous name. I can’t find the name I used before. I know the email address I used before. Do you have a suggestion on how to get that information to you. I have been doing good for a long time but the idea of account ability keeps coming in to my mind. As well when it seems when you don’t rely on the crutch or escape I have used in the past difficult thoughts and emotions come up.

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  31. thomas says:

    I did not give in to the desire. The temptation was real and fleeting but the Lord gave me an escape–I went to bed and waited to see how I would be in the morning. I had no thoughts about CDing when I got up. FYI–I do not have one stitch of anything feminine to wear in my house. Everything is in that storage locker across town and right now that is where it will stay. As I said in one of my earlier letters I will not purge until I know for sure it has been defeated in my life. I know me and the cost to replace is extremely high BUT someday I pray I will conquer, with his help, then purge that storage shed. I praise Him for this early victory but I know the war is still ongoing and there will be more battles because I can honestly say I loved dressing(still do, it is fun, relieves stress and that is the attraction for me) BUT I pray I love HIM MORE and I will overcome this with His help. It hasn’t happened in 70 years and I am running out of time for it to happen(does that make sense?).

    Bottom line: Problem is I have not filled in all that free time I had to dress with more constructive things that I would like to do instead of dressing. Give me a break! I am 70+, single, will probably never remarry(was married almost 50 years to the same woman), I am totally man, act like a man when not dressed, have no desire to ever be a woman including walking or talking or trying to think like one, do not like reading, am independent and am beginning to think that it will always be this way and spend my time watching TV sports and FOX news. I am beginning to sound like I want to go back to the “vomit” don’t I? I really don’t! You might say: “Get involved in the community, or volunteer, or volunteer at church or whatever! I say “That is not my bag, that is not me. Besides, my health and stamina prevents it. Soooooo, what is there for me? to keep me from indulging In CDing? I am praying that Christ will be enough to fill my schedule and that is where my trust is. I get soooo bored now, at least dressing filled a lot of my time and kept me more active than I am now. I am ready to go home.

    Still in Him but struggling a lot more.

    Like

  32. billylongtermcd says:

    Thomas
    So glad to hear you did not give in,we have so much in common I am 70as well so we have both had this struggle with CD for many years. I would encourage you to get into God’s word I know some times it is easier to let cd fill your mind but when we think these things it is darkness whereas if you push yourself to open your bible and ask God to guide you will be so rewarded because God is light and in him is no darkness at all -peace will flood your whole being if you keep at God’s word I have proved it again and again.
    regarding hanging onto female stuff I would neither encourage you not condemn you I have done both purged and hung on to it,sometimes it can be just as bad if you purge and then find yourself falling and replacing the stuff. My most successful times have been to keep it but at a distance as you are doing then when I feel strong enough bin it. However we are all individual in our fight against this awful addiction and this is my experience not necessarily everyones the end goal for all of us must be with Gods help and each others prayers to rid our minds and our closets or storage areas of everything pertaining to cd and then to be careful to give God the glory and praise.
    Fight on brother we are praying for you
    Billy

    Like

  33. Lisa says:

    I’m sorry Thomas when you said ‘even selected an outfit.” Thought you meant you had women’s clothing in your house. Did not mean to offend in any way. So pleased you resisted your urges. God be with you.

    Like

  34. thorin25 says:

    Stone I’d be glad to add you. Do you want me to add you using the email address that you used to make the last comment? If so, that’s fine. I can see the email even though others cannot. So just let me know, and I’ll get you added. Otherwise comment again, but using your different new email address.

    Like

  35. thorin25 says:

    Thomas well done! Celebrate that victory!

    Thomas and Billy, if you so desire, I would facilitate connecting you two to each other by sending you both a common email. Then, since you are in such similar situations, you two could email privately and support each other and keep each other accountable. But please feel free to post here on the blog as often as you want, even many times a day, whatever works best for you.

    Like

  36. Snip says:

    That’s exciting Thomas! Glad to hear you got through the hard time. Now you can get through today as well!

    While I’m commenting, I may as well add this:
    I was just reading part of Matthew 6 and found this verse:
    “Is not the life more than meat and the body more than raiment?” (Verse 25)

    I’ve spent so much time making the raiment be more important than the body. The clothes are made for the body, not the body for the clothes. The verse just struck a cord in me. I have more changing and repenting to do.

    Again, you’re doing great Thomas!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Stone says:

    Thorin please add me using the address from this and the last comment. thank you.

    Like

  38. billylongtermcd says:

    Thorin
    I would be happy to do that with Thomas as I feel we do have a lot in common. If Thomas is agreeable I would say go ahead, I am sure we would both benifit from the accountability especially as it would be one to one . Thanks for your help I pray for you every day that you will be protected and encouraged not only in this great work you do here but in your other ministries. God’s blessing
    billy

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  39. cd wife says:

    Lovely to see you help each other please keep the wives in your prayers as well x

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  40. billylongtermcd says:

    I pray for wives and other family members every day as I am aware how difficult it is for you, I also pray that we who are struggling with CD will do all we can to ease the pain for our families. May God bless all of you as you live with us through this battle
    billy

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  41. CHAR says:

    I do not know if I am in the right place or not, but any females out there who are in a relationship with a guy that struggles with this?

    Like

  42. cd wife says:

    Billy your words have touched my heart. Thank you.

    Like

  43. Thomas says:

    I have to be honest, I have always been somewhat of an independent thinker. I have my “little world” and I am not sure about this “accountability partner” idea. I have read elsewhere on this site about the concept but I don’t think I am ready for that at this time. I seem to have few, if any, thots about dressing anymore–at least that is the it has been for the past mo0nth or so. I know that the desire could be triggered anytime and I could fall back into it. The catalogs, that I’ve ordered from, have pretty much stopped coming but there is still a problem of mentally dissecting what women around me are wearing–how it would fit me, how it might feel, “she ought to dress her age” or “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that!” type thots. These thots are bothersome and I try not focusing on anyone around me, but they are still there.

    I have a “kind of” accountability partner in my girl friend. She asks me how I’m doing, have I had any thots about going back to dressing. She has made it clear to me that she is really happy about me stopping and trying to have victory over this.

    However, I have one overshadowing thought that creeps into my mind and it is: Will I ever be able to REALLY give up all MY jewelry, MY lingerie(sp), MY shoes, MY wigs and MY closet of clothing? I was never able to in the past(I did for a few weeks, a few months and for almost three years at several times when under real conviction followed by repenting but, sooner or later, always returning to it) but this time seems to be a bit different–IT IS NOT HIDDEN IN THE HOUSE OR ON MY PROPERTY(as before), it’s across town, miles away, inconvenient and difficult to get to. Maybe this is the key for me this time, I don’t know? I really don’t want to buy anymore and have no temptation to do that–I have much better uses for my money and I am “kinda tight”. Is God part of the solution? ABSOLUTELY!!!!! I ask Him daily to give me the grace and ability to resist the temptation. Perhaps He will show me when its time to empty that storage shed with no regrets.

    Felt good to share. I am still praying for all of you on this site (including wives and girlfriends). I am most blessed that God never allowed me to delve into this sin as deeply as I could have. Believe me, it is all because of His grace and guidance. Looking back over a month ago, it was no accident that GOD had me click on the link to this site while I was surfing the web for stories about others who CD. Thanks Thorin and others!

    May the Lord Bless you all.

    Liked by 1 person

  44. thorin25 says:

    Char, I have a page set aside just for wives like you. Lots of good ladies out there that can pray for you and support you. Just comment there and some will comment back to you https://healingcd.wordpress.com/wives-of-crossdressers-chat/

    Like

  45. cd wife says:

    I’m sorry CHAR i missed you post please share your thoughts when you are ready.

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  46. Thomas says:

    Based on the above comments I made, things have changed a little. I have not yielded or returned to CDing, thank the Lord, BUT I have been bombarded with a lot of thots about returning. It seems as though every time I see a girl, woman or something feminine, I think of dressing and think in my mind, “Aw c’mon, it won’t matter, just once, who’ll know” and then an interruption happens(an escape) and I lose that line of thot until later which is usually at night in bed, all alone when I’m trying to sleep. The thots of CDing keep coming again and again. Example: Several nights ago I slept really well for about two hours until a nature call, returned to bed wide eyed and “bushy-tailed” and just laid there looking at the closet door leading to where all my “girlie” stuff used to be. I laid there about three hours with thots of dressing racing thru my mind and how, first thing in the morning, I would go across town to storage and just pick out a few things for a little fun. Still couldn’t sleep so I got up, walked to my study, sat in my chair at my devotions desk and opened the Word. I turned to where I had left off in Jerimiah earlier that day and just began reading about all the judgment, judgment, judgment plaguing Judah and Israel. Yes, GOD I know, your people sinned by worshipping idols and rebelling against you–then CONVICTION set in and I read a little more, seemed to get drowsy really quick and went to bed (a way of escape) and slept till morning. Awoke with no desire to fulfil what I wanted to do during the night.

    This is beginning to happen more often!!! I am finding myself wanting to get all MY STUFF and bring it home. I know I really don’t want to go get it. So far the urges have been just that, “urges”. I don’t know what will happen when the sex drive kicks in and the desire for masturbation drives my will. There has not been any “surprises in bed”. When that desire raises it’s ugly head, I am not sure what I will do– give in? Pray not!

    I shared with my girl friend/companion, today, that I was having urges to get my stuff and that the urges were building. She responded by telling me she was wondering about that and thot I might be because I have been “grouchy” , “short” and really “quiet” lately. I get really quiet and disgruntled when something is causing me stress. She said she knew something was bothering me and figured that that was it. She reassured me she would be there for me if I needed her. God has given me another good gal! She does not want me dressing BUT she doesn’t want to “toss me aside” over cloth/clothes–we love each other and we share the same Lord, besides she LOVES ME my male self.

    Another problem(justifying dressing) I’ve debated in my mind recently(and I don’t intend to make light of it or offend the wives, girlfriends, significant others on this website) is how and why women respond to a CDing spouse the way they do. I have read the responses some of the women who say they are enraged, felt they have been cheated, hurt(?), been betrayed, have lost all trust in their husband, have been disgraced, been nauseated, want a divorce, are fearful their man wants to be a biological woman, think he wants a homosexual relationship or man/or other woman. I can only speak for myself and a number of other CD’ers I know from TRI-Ess, that the majority of CDing men are happily married, family oriented and heterosexual with normal sex drives and have no desire to change their bodies or their status in their respective homes. Their wives, some accepting(as mine was including my present girlfriend, who after I told her, was more curious about CDing, chose not to breakup with me because she knew my male/manly self– just a regular guy, like any other guy, except for my wanting to dress like a woman at times); AND, some not, overall, most want to make their marriage work so there must be a compromise of a sort.

    The response from most of the women seems to come from not knowing before the marriage or relationship began and finding out afterwards. My questions are: What attracted him to you? What were his qualities? How did he treat you? Has that all changed since finding out his secret? When he is in man mode do you still love him? Why is it so many want to give up years of marriage, family and such? Why all the anger? Is it just an excuse to bail out? Is the hurt so bad that it cannot(will not allow) heal. What happened to “for better or for worse”? Since I am NOT a woman and do not understand things as a woman, please explain to me why it is so devastating to them? Personally, I see infidelity as the only grounds for divorce and it comes with it’s own set of Biblical stipulations for BOTH parties. And by the way, how would a son or daughter be treated if they were to found out to be CDing? “AW, MOM, JUST KICK EM OUT!” OR, would there be unconditional love? Something to think about it.

    Just a NOTE here: I know some may see this as stretching it a bit; BUT, I just received a publication from a very, very fundamental independent religious, Bible believing college that had pictures of students from another country who attend there. All the guys in the photos were wearing floor length skirts and men’s dress shirts. Remember the kilts? This leads me to women’s wear of today.

    I am old school, kinda! I can remember when women(girls) would never have been caught without a dress on. I even know of a woman who works, until this day, in her garden while in a dress and heels. That’s beside the point I want to make. Look at how women dress today–slacks(women’s cut but still slacks/pants), blue jeans (even with a fly–what’s the fly for??!!), big shirts(a man’s sports shirt in women’s sizes), suits (women’s cut yet styled after a man’s), “boy cut” hair cuts and nothing is said–it is accepted by society no questions asked. I know, all the above ARE made specifically for women to fit their bodies which are different in shape and are made more feminine too. Clothes that started out as men’s are now women’s as well. And the colors: WOW! . No wonder we are so attracted to them, women and their clothes! A little humor here! Sorry!

    I say all this to let off some “steam” brewing in my head that only concerns me. Maybe I bring up the above to justify my real heartfelt desire to CD. I don’t know. Maybe it is! This is where I am in my personal war but I would think that breaking up a marriage or family over CDing is just not right in any case except infidelity! In my opinion, based on His Word, a couple can and must work it out if at all possible. 70+ years has taught me to compromise and you sometimes have to just give in a little because “if momma ain’t happy, nobody ain’t happy.” My wife, a very headstrong woman, 100% female did not like me dressing when she first found out about 15-20 years into our marriage. She hated it at first, she wanted our marriage to work so she learned to tolerate it, got to the place where she accepted it and even went so far as shopping with me and for me(me not dressed of course) because she loved me, it was fun to share time, learn how to shop, and share time with the man of her life and she was not threatened by CDing. She knew I loved her deeply and she knew I wasn’t going to leave her, ever. We did set limits: Dressing was private at home indoors(rarely outdoors), only outdoors at Tri-Ess meetings and definitely not around our son–I think he suspected it but never asked. Perhaps, I had the “perfect marriage”. My long past with CDing is probably why I am having such a difficult time stopping it now–it is becoming a real battle since I live alone, am retired and independent!

    What I do know is that with MY God, All things are possible! I thank Him for His GRACE and MERCY but I thank HIM for His LONGSUFFERING too–for putting up with me until He gives me victory and peace about this “thorn”.

    I pray for all of you that are struggling with a CDing partner–married or otherwise who are on the verge of divorce/separation, breakup or a mental breakdown. I pray that you both will humble yourselves by getting on your knees alongside your bed, next to each other, maybe even holding hands and lay out ALL your problems to the only ONE who can really help–GOD. I pray that you know Him personally because of what His Son did for both of you on Calvary’s cross. If you know HIM, ask Him for HIS grace, mercy, compassion, longsuffering, truth/honesty, justice and love to help you weather this life storm. Also ask Him to help you demonstrates these same Godly attributes to each other every day so that the marriage HE ordained will last until death. If you don’t know Him, I pray you will ask Thorin how you can get to know Him and be saved so you can have His power. In His Name I Pray. Amen

    God Bless,

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Temptedsinner says:

    Wow Dude!
    You said a mouthful….Thanks for sharing and being so open and honest about all the crap that litters our minds as well as the minds of others with addictions or obsessions.
    Like a weed in the garden, those first thoughts of CDing must be plucked out of your head. As you see an attractively dressed woman, try and look up above her shoulders and look at the person. Pluck out the weed of objectifying her and her clothing. Please Lord help me! Is a prayer that I have used to help me try and gain control over my wandering mind. Also I have trained myself to simply look away……If it is someone on the street or just out in public I will focus my eyes and mind on something else before my brain starts it’s game of justification of just one time and all of that. It is sometimes easier than others.
    Having a companion, your girlfriend that you can talk to and who is not judgemental is awesome. Be open and honest with her when you are struggling.

    All of us CD’s are the same and oh so very different. As you ask about why wives and girlfriends get so angry and hurt by the discovery of their husbands cross dressing, the feelings of betrayal…… Reading about and seeing the pain women here on this site and others is exactly part of why or how I came to my senses over my own cross dressing. It was a big part of my motivation to try and stop.
    Here is the thing, my wife of over thirty years knew of my fetish before we got married. I was completely dressed when I asked her to marry me. I wore panties, garters and stockings under my tux for the wedding. For her, at first it was fun but I think as time moved forward, kids came into the picture and life in general, she began to see it as more of an obsession. I viewed my behaviors as “growing”.. In truth it was escalation…. I wanted to go deeper into my so called feminine side with more depraved activities. She really didn’t….. As the internet opened up, the great information super highway …..How should I say this? More and more of my sexuality, that God intended for me to share with my wife, was being taken from her in favor of my right hand. You can imagine in over 30 years there were many peaks and valleys. Far more stories than I have time to share right now.. In the end I was betraying her, cheating on her with myself. I was the girl friend that never told me no!
    I’ll let the women speak to the rest of your questions.
    Please continue to resist the temptation to drive across town to the locker. I did utilize a similar strategy of putting my stuff out of reach, until one day I had a nice bonfire…. Finally I felt free, my “boxes” were no longer calling my name, I remember feeling on that day! After not being bothered by temptation for a while before that within a week I had strong urges, regret over getting rid of all of my stuff. Prayer and perseverance got me through that short period. That was a couple years ago.
    I did have a short relapse this past spring / early summer. Short relapse????? Ok a binge over a few months…. LOL had another fire in Juiy and got rid of it all again. I keep working on growing closer to God and closer to my wife. It takes work everyday in prayer to keep my mind free from seemingly “innocent” wanderings.

    It sounds like you are doing great with actually not indulging, continue to fight the battle of the mind. You can win the war.

    Prayers for You, all of the rest of us and for the women that love us!
    Tempted

    Liked by 1 person

  48. billylongtermcd says:

    Thomas
    You have been given some good advice by temptedsinner look away. I have the same problem looking at how women are dressed not that I am interested in the women themselves also when I look at female clothing in shop Windows,I find that if I ask the Lord for help it is there when I give in is the times I don’t ask. As James tells in ch 1 v 14 temptation comes from our own desires notice he doesn’t mention the devil I think sometimes we are to keen to blame the devil. You mention about an escape sometimes again we known the escape route other times we have to ask again 1cor 10 v 13 says HE WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY but we have to take it As regards wives and girlfriends again as temptedsinner points out his girlfriend went along with his cding but didn’t realise and probably never did he how compulsive and progressive this thing is. I don’t think we have any right to expect the ladies in our life to accept our behaviour uncodtionaly, as regards divorce only on grounds of adultery I know there is scripture for this but what about a wife being beaten to the point of their life being in danger can she be expected to stay in the marriage?
    Thomas You thank God for his grace and longsuffering and so do I which proves we love the Lord and deep in our heart’s want to be rid of this awful addiction
    let us not give up praying for each other. We have so much in common I wish we could meet to encourage and pray with each other
    billy

    Liked by 1 person

  49. Thomas says:

    Like you both, I immediately focus on something else. I have not and do not degrade women, ever, at least I don’t think I do. That’s not even my mindset. I look at WHAT they wear and how they wear it–more like a critique. I was always taught by my dad, DeMolay and others to esteem and respect the opposite sex. My problem is I want what they like too.

    I used the word “escape” because that is the word used in the Bible. God will provide a way of escape when temptation comes so that we can avoid the trap. This is what I meant by choosing that word.

    I have no intention of purging completely until I know in my heart that I will not need them anymore. I just can’t see wasting money over and over again–been there, done that. As I have said before, I pray my God will show me that time.

    Thanks for the advice guys. Self control is the solution and I have to learn to do just that–control myself. I’m a work in progress.

    Like

  50. thorin25 says:

    You guys are having a lot of good discussion and I love to see that! So good to see prayers and support and advice for one another.

    Thomas, I have written a lot in many different posts about gradual societal change on mens and womens clothing. I hope you are still working through my old posts. The idea is not to keep clothing static for thousands of years. Clothing styles change and we should allow that, including women wearing pants. But the question I think fundamentally is about motivation. Are you wanting to wear a skirt because you think men look good wearing skirts and culture should change, and you want to wear a skirt while looking like a real man? Or do you want to wear a skirt because women do and you want to feel or look like a woman? I think the answer is perfectly clear for us on that one. Motivation is key on this slippery topic. Don’t use the idea of men wearing kilts to justify retreating into your false identity pretending to be a woman.

    Like

  51. billylongtermcd says:

    Thomas
    I understand what you are saying about purging and it is a difficult issue. Sadly I have been fighting this awful addiction for over 55yrs and lost count of the times I have purged certainly more than 50 times. What good use all this money could have been put to in the family and in Christian work! this in itself has been an added sin since on my part. The problem with not purging is as in both our cases we leave ourselves more open to temptation. While the problem with purging is as with any addiction we will find a way to get more stuff as I call it with all the problems I have explained above. I have even purged knowing that I couldn’t replace it and using the purging as a way to stop, sadly eventuality I find a way of replacing it. Also I have purged the one day with the best intention and been shocked to find myself starting to buy stuff the very next day. So I would not judge you on this but encourage you to seek the guidance of the holy spirit and as you mention self control. I have been thinking a lot about this recently and self control is the last of the 9 manifestations of the fruit of the spirit in galations ch 5 which ismy weakest area and what I have been noticing is when i lose my self control and give in to temptation (which is invariably because I have not asked for the Lord’s help) the other manifestations of the fruit of the spirit start to come apart at the edges so to speak. No wonder Paul says in v 24 “those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there” May God the Holy Spirit give us his grace to do so, Jesus himself said to Paul “my grace is all you need my power works best in weakness” What promises we have in God’s word let’s claim them right now here’s another one ” Let us come boldly to the throne of grace where we will find mercy and grace to help in time of need.Brothers and sisters keep praying for each other i believe there is power in the prayers of we who have come to know each other through this blog of Thorin’s

    Like

  52. arich62 says:

    Hello, Alec here, Recovering from Trans issues. I got your link here and would like to join this email prayer group. I’m very low-tech here, what is the next step?

    Like

  53. Temptedsinner says:

    Thomas,
    Thanks for reaching out!
    The Holy Spirit is working hard with you….. Allow Him to help you. Don’t resist Him, but resist the one that is from this world.. If the Lord wasn’t with you then you would not be in a battle at all.
    Rejoice that you have been chosen to FIGHT, to fight the good fight.

    Please know that we are all praying for you and love you as well

    Peace and blessings for our friend Oh Lord

    Like

  54. Thomas says:

    Just leaving a prayer for the two from this cite that emailed me direct tonight. Father, You are God omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. You are the creator of everything and you give life and breath to all living creatures. You meet our daily needs and forgive us when we ask anything in your will. Father, you know the two that posted their individual needs on this site tonight. You know how they are asking that You give them victory over ever present temptations that are trying to defeat them. Father, I pray for peace, grace, mercy, and compassion for the one facing an immediate medical need–prostrate cancer. Please remove all fear from him and give the doctors knowledge and skills above their abilities. And, for the other one trying to resist CD urges and worldly images, I pray you give him grace and compassion and the ability to find a way of escape when the temptations come.

    In addition, Father I lift up all on this site who are being tempted immediately with anything that is trying to “derail” their war against CD. Please give them victory over this battle(trial) and the ones that may follow. Also, I pray for myself, in my ongoing struggle with dressing, to be more like Jesus and I thank you now for all you will do in the lives of those mentioned above.

    In His Name, the Name above all names, Jesus Christ, I pray.
    AMEN

    Gentlemen, thanks for your prayers too. They are working!

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Temptedsinner says:

    Great words / prayer Thomas

    Thank you!

    Like

  56. Thomas says:

    Hi y’all. Just checkin in. Doing good so far. Just need to make a comment about some of the things I’ve been reading on this site. I “hate” women? Maybe I just don’t grasp what you mean? As I understand creation, woman was created by GOD from man and for man. Her nature is to complement man. Man is commanded to love her(yet she is not commanded to love in return). I do not hate women(females) for any reason. I think they are really neat! I enjoy watching them, their antics, their beauty, how differently they see some things and many more positive attributes(this is not to say I admire their anger and such. I just wanted to enjoy some of the stuff they enjoy and that is where the problem lies in MY CASE. But to HATE! “C’mon man, really?” How can you say you love God and hate His creation at the same time??????????????????

    Like

  57. thorin25 says:

    Just to be clear – Thomas is not referring to my blog posts, but to a discussion within our prayer group.

    Thomas, I think this person was sharing his feelings that he struggles with, and not trying to say that his feelings of anger/hate were good, but that they were a sinful struggle for him.

    Like

  58. Lisa says:

    Hi Thorin, can you explain to me “I hate women,” reference in your discussion group?

    Like

  59. Thomas says:

    Thorin, I have a problem you can solve. I get direct email posts. I got one earlier this week to which I responded but to my horror I saw my full name(real name) in the email heading. Hence, I will not reply to any others that come directly to me. This is why I responded to the member on this page instead of a return email directly to him. I directed my comments to him specifically, no one else.

    Thanks for making this clear to the Lisa mentioned above.

    Like

  60. thorin25 says:

    Lisa, this comes from our private prayer group, meaning the discussion is confidential. But so you don’t get worried about us 🙂 I will give you just a little understanding. Some crossdressers can struggle with anger towards women that is based on envy and jealousy, wanting what they have, but not being able to have it, because we cannot become women truly. All of us realize this is not good, and not right, and so we help people who are feeling that to resist those feelings, heal from them, and develop healthy relationships toward women, asking God to help remove our envy.

    Like

  61. thorin25 says:

    Thomas, I’ve emailed you privately about how to fix your problem. Just email me back and we are all set.

    Like

  62. sal says:

    been struggling with cding for 45 years. I think it was a stress reliever, but last 5 years it has become compulsive. Currently, i am in a 12 step group working on my sobriety. I still have clothes, but I have not bought anything in probably 4 months. I am staying in touch with my 12 step brothers when I struggle.

    Like

  63. thorin25 says:

    Sal, will pray for you. I just emailed you about how to join the group. Please check your email and try to join the group following my instructions…

    Like

  64. sal says:

    I cannot seem to get rid of the clothes. I have purged before, but bought some more. i have not bought any clothes in four months.

    Like

  65. thorin25 says:

    Sal, I will pray for you once again. I have tried to email you about joining the prayer group, but I have not received any responses to my emails to you….If you still want to join the prayer group, check your email

    Like

  66. Thomas says:

    Over two months and hardly any thots about dressing, no urges at all!
    Still have you all on my daily prayer list. Lord bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  67. billylongtermcd says:

    Good stuff Thomas be encouraged and keep filling your mind with other things. The more you get into God’s word the more you will love it and it will strengthen you to fight any cd desires. I am doing well myself these days. Keep praying for each other and for everybody else on this site who needs victory over this
    Billy

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Thomas says:

    Thanks “billylongtermed” Thomas

    Like

  69. Justin says:

    I am having a difficult time getting rid of the clothes. I think cding has been my comfort for the last 40 years. I am almost afraid to lose that part of me. I told my counselor that I probably will keep some of the clothes. It just seems hard to let go. Maybe as I stay within this prayer chain, the desire to let those things go will get stronger.

    Like

  70. thorin25 says:

    Justin, I sent you an email about how to join the prayer chain

    Like

  71. Mike says:

    I struggle my desire of and lingerie and things associated with them and searching for validation of my desires. Doctors have no problem with everything I do and say it is normal but I know it is negatively effecting my life. I am asking my counselor to help me with medication as you had relief using. I would rather do with out sex than have a life ruled by sex for a time and see if I can overcome the habits with Gods help. I thank you for this site and the hope here.

    Like

  72. thorin25 says:

    Mike, I have emailed you about how to join our prayer group. You are very welcome. Please check your email and follow the instructions. Also, I did not take any medication to get help with CD, but one of our members here has, Don, and you can read about what he used in the “Guest Post” section of this blog – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/guest-posts-2/

    Like

  73. Jeff says:

    I’ve been able to ignore the desire to CD but my wife is taking an extended trip and I’m afraid the enemy’s lure may tempt me into something i’ll regret. I appreciate your site and the truth it contains. I would like to be part of the email prayer group and ask for strength and to stay clothed in the armor of God. May He help me to fall on my knees and seek the Holy Spirit in any moment of weakness. Looking forward to getting your email. Thank you and God bless you Thorin.

    Like

  74. thorin25 says:

    Jeff, I will pray for you right now, but we will talk more. My wife is also going on a trip shortly for some time. But we can fight the temptations, we have freedom in Christ to be able to say “No” to such sins. You don’t have to give in. Be in prayer each day, be in the Word, and find fun things to occupy your free time like video games, movies, sports, etc. I’ve sent you an email about how to join the group. Check your email and join, and if you need any help be sure to email me back and let me know

    Like

  75. billylongtermcd says:

    Jeff
    i will be praying for you. In my own experience when I fall is when i omit to ask for the Lord’s help I can honestly say when I ask my prayer is answered ask and keep on asking his word says. I know when we are seperated from our wives temptation is strong (i used to work away from home most weeks)and the devil tries to keep us of our knees but greater is he that is within us and it is good that you recognise you are vulnerable be encouraged you will have many who understand praying for you and I am allways encouraged when I think of the Lord Jesus interceding for us!!
    Billy

    Liked by 1 person

  76. Mike Palmer says:

    Good evening ALL, what a great day to be alive and praise the Lord. I am believing the verse below will come to pass to us who call upon the Lord.

    “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

    So here we are confessing and expecting Him to move in our situation. Not many places for folks like us to go and find compassion and understanding. I have been walking with our Lord many many years but this is the most difficult stuggle I have had. Praise the Lord for deliverance from 20 plus years of drinking and now 20 years free! I want to put to bed my obsession in wearing clothes that are not right for me to wear. I want to have my mind clear of the thoughts of wearing and replace them with right thoughts.

    ” and to clothe yourselves with the new nature, which was created according to God’s image in righteousness and true holiness.”

    I am praying for strength for all here who desire change. Strength in numbers!

    Liked by 1 person

  77. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Mike for the great encouragement! The other post you sent to me that was meant for the whole prayer group, I also posted for the rest of the prayer group. Email me if you are having any technical issues with the group.

    Like

  78. billylongtermcd says:

    Hi Mike
    a great verse indeed and one i often think on and we are seeing the truth of it in our lives on this site. I myself am enjoying the most real healing Ihave felt in over 55yrs.Due I am sure to confessing on this site,a block of 12 sessions with my Christian councillor,spending around 3hours a day in God’s word (may sound like a long time each day but sadly I have spent much longer cding and looking at cd porn many a day )maybe especially having real deep desire to stop offending my Lord and Saviour with sinful and sadly addictive behaviour. God bless you I will be praying for you
    billy

    Like

  79. CD wife says:

    Mike i’m interested in the fact about your recovery from drinking (congratulations ) in so much as i would like to know from the men on here what other addictions you have and does anyone” just” CD? My theory is this is an addiction and rarely is there just one.

    Like

  80. billylongtermcd says:

    Hi cd wife
    i don’t know what Mike’s thoughts are but from my experience I also drank to much although not sure it was an addiction more to mask the awful guilt regarding family. I would add that sometimes the guilt towards family was greater than to God,that is the wrong order. I am aware that many would say that the big majority of crossdressers are not homosexual I would diagree as I have met many more homosexual crossdressers than heterosexual crossdressers and I believe the reason is that married men will admit to cd but not to homosexuality to their wives but in the company of other crossdressers will tell it as it is. When I first met the Christian councillor I have one of the first things she said to me was your problems are shame secrecy silence and judgement.she was right. Also escalating to transitioning can become an obsession which I think is a stage further than addiction. I thank God that I didn’t but I did make enquiries about surgery and even back then about 30 yrs ago after after a 20minute consultation they were prepared to go ahead, I understand it is even more easily available nowadays. I think the ease which they offered surgery probably helped me to say no.one thing is for sure there is no one size fits all and they are very complex issues made all the more so by all those who tell us its just the way we were made I join the great apostle and say I BELIEVE GOD I hope this has helped you in some way
    Billy

    Like

  81. Temptedsinner says:

    Hi CD Wife,
    Other addictions ? LOL past or present?
    I’m not so sure that I want to look too deeply at this subject (he says half jokingly)

    Tempted

    Like

  82. thorin25 says:

    Addictions? I think some people have a personality that is more prone to addictions, perhaps many of us. For me though, I’ve never struggled with any other form of addiction, I have remarkable self-control in every other area of my life. This sexual area is the only part that is difficult at times

    Like

  83. CD wife says:

    Thorin i have to say addiction and self control have nothing to do with each other. But i think it’s an interesting topic in relation to CD if the men are honest with themselves.
    Temptedsinner why would you not want to look too deeply at this subject ? It may be an important angle with your recovery.

    Like

  84. Temptedsinner says:

    Hi CD Wife
    I do have much to say about addictions, I’m not so sure that the Prayer Group thread is the right place for it. The lines between habits and addictions can easily become blurred. I will share that everyday I begin with prayer, coffee and cigarettes, then finish most days with beer. All of which are “things”, tangibles. As I have thought about this and people in general I find that the remainder of my (our) days are filled with behaviors. Clearly CDing is a behavior. It took me a long time to realize or come to grips with the fact that this is an addiction that primarily takes place in the mind.

    Tempted

    Like

  85. billylongtermcd says:

    Hi tempted sinner
    I remember a few years back a little booklet on addictions with the title WHEN YOU JUST CAN’T SAY NO that title has allways stuck with me I think it is a good way to describe addictions. Habits on the other hand I think we can suddenly realise we are in the habit of doing something that it may be better not to do for example I can remember a time when I never wore a seat belt and realised I should and with a little practice it became natural to wear one in fact on the odd occasion I forget I feel unsafe and immediately put it on. Addictions are not like this it is much more difficult to break an addiction and even when we think we have we can still be tempted while I would never be tempted not to wear a seat belt -I may forget to but that is a different thing. For me this is the difference between habit and addition
    billy

    Like

  86. CD Wife says:

    Sorry if i have posted in the wrong place. I meant that with an addiction you need help with for example a program /group ect Self control just doesn’t work it can’t be done in isolation because that’s how addictions work they thrive in isolation. Prayer and God’s help is needed together with those other things. At least that’s what i have been told .

    Like

  87. thorin25 says:

    Ya such discussions are good, but please post on the Questions Page. That way people who have signed up for the email prayer chain don’t get a million emails 😉

    Like

  88. thorin25 says:

    Thomas, it’s been some days since I last talked to you. How have you been doing? Was I able to change your mind?

    Like

  89. Jim says:

    I need to help with this issue

    Like

  90. thorin25 says:

    Hi Jim, would you like to join our prayer group? Tell us more of what you are looking for?

    Like

  91. struggelin says:

    I have been and still struggle… I know that I need prayer, but also someone to help me think through what is trapped in my head…. Ask the questions that I can not think of, so I can fully know why, and to get it out for good. It becomes ovwhelmong and my mind obsesses over it or parts of it…. 😦

    Like

  92. Joseph says:

    I really don’t know where to start but I can say that I have struggled with crossdressing some where between 8-13 year old and I am going to be 30 this year my story sounds a lot like most and even more like the person who started this blog

    Like

  93. Andrew says:

    Hiya,
    I’m a forty something struggling with crossdressing and could do with a bit of help!
    Just decided I want to stop and reading through the 12 steps!
    Been dressing for years on and off , never really tried to quit properly but sick of hating myself!
    I’m a Christian and already reading more from scripture.
    Please could I join the prayer group, feel I might need a bit of extra help from some people how understand.
    Yours,
    Andy

    Like

  94. A.F. says:

    I would like to be added to the prayer chain, please.

    Like

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