Questions, Requests?

This page is a chance for you to ask me specific questions or suggest things for me to write about.  I’m not an expert, but I hope I have a few good things to say.  Just comment below.

I reserve the right to say “I don’t know”   🙂

*Please do not post your email in the body of the comment itself. It is important to protect yourself from spam and potential harassment by never publicly posting your personal information (such as your email address) on this or any other blog. Rest assured that I will keep your email address confidential.
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224 comments on “Questions, Requests?

  1. thorin25 says:

    There is still a difference though. For me, when I wear any of my male clothing, it is not because of a felt “need.” The suitcoats I could give or take. I like looking good, but they are not necessarily comfortable. I definitely feel no compulsion to wear them

    Honestly, it sounds like you still have a compulsion if not to wear the female clothes, then the male clothes that are the most similar. I would challenge you that something can still be going on, sexual or otherwise, even if erection is not there.

    Try an experiment to prove to yourself and all of us. Go for 2 weeks without wearing any of those things. If you find yourself thinking about it alot or having issues, then clearly the clothes still have a hold on you besides being comfortable.

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  2. AnonCD says:

    I can try that experiment.

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  3. TJ Smith says:

    Going incognito on this one. Okay, I’ve had a long struggle with this in my life. Now, to try and make my story as condensed as possible. About 20 years ago I was out of clean underwear and my mom made me wear my sister’s. Realizing how different my sister’s were to my boring old white undies I, very rarely, would poke around her’s.

    Now, I have worn a few dresses and skirts in my time. I also have done plenty of masturbating while wearing girls clothes. I have even pretended I was a girl while doing so. I know how powerful the connection between crossdressing and masturbating is. This is the biggest side of it that I struggle with. I don’t necessarily see a problem with masturbation, while it is kinda a dirty act, and it can lead to other things, I don’t feel it’s a bad thing to do. I also don’t do it all the time, but it has gone in waves of times I would do it more frequently, like daily, and times where I could go weeks without touching myself in that manner.

    Now, onto the dressing. I know I’m not able to be a woman. I know I’m not one. I know that clothing departments are divided by “men’s” and “women’s” clothes. Thing is, I can see clothing in stores and think “Why can’t I wear that?” is it a directive of God or of man as to why I can’t wear something just because I have an outie and the ones it’s made for have an innie between their legs?

    Like, I like comfortable, cute, fun underwear. I don’t necessarily want “sexy” underwear, just fun underwear. Why should I be so limited because of what’s between my legs? I’ve not seen men’s underwear that’s in the cuts that I like at nearly as affordable a price as the women’s underwear with similar enough cuts. I also tend to like the way the women’s underwear I’ve worn fits me more than the men’s underwear I have.

    In other things, the socks I wear I’ve not felt any cut quite the same in the men’s section. They are plain white socks, but they fit me better than anything else I’ve tried. They come from the women’s section. Because they are “women’s” should I not wear them?

    Moving to outer clothing. I like clothing that tends to be more form fitting. I tend to be more into what’s seen more as feminine patterns. It’s hard for me to feel like I’m able to find patterns and such I like in men’s sections of stores. Also, I feel like there’s more flexibility in women’s clothing as to ways to combine different elements through things like layering that I don’t typically see in men’s clothing.

    I’ve never liked men’s swim trunks. They feel way too baggy, way too wet, and just overall something I hate seeing myself in. I’ve been in girl swim shorts though and have liked them a lot better. They don’t feel like I’m wearing a huge amount of excess fabric. I know Speedos are a thing, but I’ve never found myself interested in the patterns they have. Their patterns just don’t appeal to me. What is wrong with me, assuming I find one with proper coverage, wearing something more fun and colorful that just happens to be marketed to women?

    Moving on to other things, I’m not into the idea of makeup or painting nails, but why is body hair removal seen as something only women are allowed to do? Why should I be expected to have a coat on my legs when I like seeing my legs without that coat?

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  4. thorin25 says:

    Thanks for the question. The problem is with all of your questions and women’s clothing that you want to wear, is that you are sexually drawn to those things. I’ve gone through all of those rationalizations before. In my opinion, you are drawn to those clothes for sexual reasons, and yet you are trying to find rationalizations for why it is okay. You have to look at your motivations. You can’t look at what would technically be okay for a normal man. Is it that the clothing is really that comfortable compared to men that it’s consuming all your time and focus because you want that comfort? I doubt it. If it was just about fabrics and comfort, you wouldn’t be on this site hoping for rationalizations for what you want to do. Realize I’m not criticizing you. We’ve all been there. But the motivation is not truly a good one.

    Here is a post on what I’m saying – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/04/26/they-are-just-clothes-right/

    For other reasons why giving in to crossdressing will mess up your life, see this post – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/

    Please keep discussing, would love to continue to dialogue.

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  5. TJ Smith says:

    Thing is, what about all the times I have worn the clothes and actually leave the house. Go about my business as any other person would? Like, it’s hard for me to tell if my sexuality and dressing are so intrinsically linked that I can’t get off without a pair of panties on just because I have worn panties for so long.

    In reality, the clothing doesn’t tend to consume all my time. It’s not like I lock myself away and spend hours masturbating while wearing the most frilly thing I can every single day. Besides my panties, I forget the last time I’ve actually worn any female clothing. I don’t even remember the last time I actually masturbated. I know it was during this summer…I just couldn’t give you a week or month count.

    I have read a few of your posts on how, when women first started wearing pants in modern culture, it was considered crossdressing. Now women lead worship in jeans. In a way, I don’t like the word “crossdressing” because it implies that I’m creating a new personality for myself as a woman.

    I don’t want to be a woman, I understand however that women have a lot more flexibility and would like the same flexibility. Women literally have the entire store available to them. If I saw a woman wearing a men’s flannel, I wouldn’t think she was crossdressing. Same with a pair of men’s boxer shorts. Women can easily pull off men’s clothing and no one bats a eyelid (well, maybe they do, but they tend to accept it and move on).

    What makes something different just because some clothing designer decided it was a women’s design or a men’s design?

    While I have used fake names on sites before, even a girly name, it ultimately felt wrong for me to do so and I have stopped that. It actually feels wrong for me to use a fake name to post to this site, I just do so for the sake of anonymity.

    Also, I’m definitely not looking for ways to keep it going in my life, I want to have crossdressing out of my life, it’s just that, what counts as crossdressing? Where is the line drawn? Is it a “all-or-nothing” deal where even (plain white, technically sold in the women’s section, fits me better than anything I’ve worn before) socks or a (technically sold under the header of) women’s band t-shirt or women’s Vans shoes aren’t allowed?

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  6. TJ Smith says:

    Another thing I’ve thought of, in my church, I know a number of people who are “closet drinkers.” That is, they drink, they have the stuff in their house, they’ll get drinks out occasionally. The largely conservative interpretation of scripture, however, is one of abstaining from alcohol, not having a glass with a meal.

    Like, I live in the southern US. Here in my area it seems like most men where some form of flannel type shirt, wear jeans, and tend to grow beards. The men who don’t are typically either wearing t-shirts, pants for work, or clean shaven because of work dress codes. Very cookie cutter, very limited. Obviously anyone who presents themselves in a less typical manner of this area, like say in skinny jeans and layered, kinda girly almost tops, is going to be seen as abnormal, maybe even “wrong.”

    Like, I’ve had people think of me as weird for not being into the popular music of the time or not being the most masculine of guys. Like, how are you supposed to react when the culture around you kinda pushes you to the side for just liking different things? Naturally you’re going to fall into a closet of sorts. Naturally any thing that feels kinda good while in that closet will become comforting. Naturally any type of real or virtual connection that makes you feel less like a freak is welcomed.

    If all the teaching you receive about being a man is that your happiness doesn’t matter in the marriage, your happiness doesn’t matter in jobs, your happiness doesn’t matter in the eyes of God and your whole life has had a lot of moments that reinforce you seemingly failing as a man, what other option is there?

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  7. thorin25 says:

    A lot of what you are saying I agree with, and is technically correct. Men’s clothing choices are limited compared to womens, clothing styles for men and women do slowly change over time, etc. But again, what is your real motivation? I know that is tough to answer, as you said, you are wondering if it is sexual or not, and you aren’t convinced.

    Two things to consider: 1. The fact that you were a crossdresser for sexual reasons at least in the past, is a good indicator that there could still be something going on sexually, even without an erection. 2. Take it from and tons of other guys here who have used the same rationalizations before to keep the addiction going.

    I also find it hard to believe that the stuff in the women’s department really fits you so much better than anything in the men’s. Whether or not the women’s garments feel more comfortable, they are made for a different body shape than yours or mine. I don’t want to argue about that. I’m just letting you know I’m skeptical.

    I’m not sure what teaching you are getting from your church, but men should be able to be as happy as women in marriage and in work and in life. There is nothing in Scripture that says men are supposed to be more miserable than women. Furthermore, while you and i might desire more colorful or sensual clothing, the vast majority of men are not feeling like they are suffering for their limited clothing choices. Maybe you and I feel that way, but they don’t. So don’t assume your suffering is also their suffering.

    If you read those others posts I gave to you, then please read these as well.
    They address the kinds of things you are talking about –
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/12/21/crossdressing-without-sexual-component/

    Then read this post, which could help you to discover what kind of needs you are trying to meet through the crossdressing beyond sexual needs –
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2016/08/08/an-alternative-method-integration-and-contentment/

    It could be that the clothing gives you emotional comfort, if so, ask the “why” question. It could be that the clothing gives you a thrill, like for many crossdressers. It could be that the clothing is just physically comfortable and therefore comforting, or sensual, but there are men’s clothes if you look made of comfortable materials, even if you have to specially order them. What makes you so drawn to the women’s department?

    Anyway, read those posts and let’s keep discussing. God bless you and thank you for the good dialogue

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  8. TJ Smith says:

    The “comforting” aspect is probably more akin to what I experience 85% of the time dressed. And I’m not saying the clothing is a perfect fit by any stretch. I’ve tried on clothes and thought I looked ridiculous in them despite the fact that I loved the way it looked on the shelf or hanger. I know that is a thing women fight as well though, not looking the way they want in clothes.

    Out of curiosity I just did a search for men’s bikini briefs. Some of the patterns I saw I did like, but I felt like, while on Google, I was looking through a fetish magazine for men. Even then, the more normal ones were like a much larger chunk of change compared to what I can pay to get a lot more equally as nice pairs of women’s bikini briefs and not feel like I’m supporting some weird gay fetish site. Also, the patterns printed on the fabric just look so much nicer to me.

    Like, some of my sexual kick in the distant and near past has been over the idea of “it” being “forbidden” to do what I’m doing. For the most part, however, even thinking back to teenage and pre-teenage years, I’ve never fully had the sexually perverted mind that I hear is supposed to have been so common in adolescence for all guys. I’ve masturbated more in my adult years than I ever thought to in my teen years.

    One thing I thought of as a reason as to why I have masturbated more in my 20s than my teens has to do with more of “allowing” myself to think sexually. In my teens I was focused so much on being the good kid that didn’t do anything wrong that thinking sexually felt wrong. Now it feels wrong, but for a different reason not directly related to the idea of crossdressing, just in that I feel disgusting after masturbating some times even if I’m not wearing any clothes…

    I’m definitely not saying most men are suffering for limited clothing choices. Most men probably don’t put much thought into what they put on in the morning to be perfectly honest. I know I fall into that a lot of just wearing the same pair of jeans and grabbing a different t-shirt. I feel like I get away with that because I’m a guy though. I do like having that option most days. Thing is, most of what I see when I Google things like “men’s fall style” comes across as either potentially flagging me as gay (cause showing an interest in fashion makes you so gay) or as a hipster.

    Thing is, I know clothing styles shift over time. Problem is, if clothing styles for men shift to “allow” men to wear almost anything women wear, it’d likely be at a time where I wouldn’t be able to experience dressing like a young person. In both men’s and women’s fashion there’s enough rules that keep changing on what’s in and out and what age is too old for certain things from people who supposedly “know better.”

    Like, I have a hard time accepting that notion that I have freedom in Christ if the contents of my closet or dresser are supposedly wrong. Like that I’m not a true Christian if I’m not willing to give this up. I know someone who has brought up before that churches spend a lot of time preaching on sex and drugs & alcohol but won’t say a peep on the idea of gluttony and in fact kinda promote it. Like, all three of those fall into the selfish, destructive desire area, don’t they? If it’s okay for a Christian to overeat sometimes and that not be called into question, why is the idea of masturbating sometimes? Or wearing particular clothes?

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  9. TJ Smith says:

    Something else that comes to mind, not clothing related, but more things that women do that men seemingly don’t. I’ve seen Bibles with a teal cover, ones with purple covers, a lot of different covers than just the hard cover, brown/burgundy tone cover, or black covers that I see most men carry (who still carry one).

    I really like a lot of them, and would carry one if it weren’t something that would raise a lot of questions. Like, why are women the only ones who are allowed to have a colorful Bible? Same with bags. I carry a laptop sometimes and have a rather utilitarian feeling bag that is rather bland in design. Kinda gray and black pattern with black contrasts. My iPad is the “space grey” color. While I like space grey for Macs and iPads better than rose gold, largely from a utilitarian perspective it just seems cleaner, I feel like I am disallowed from even thinking about rose gold any thing.

    I just feel like being a guy I’m so restricted in ways of self-expression around people I know.

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  10. thorin25 says:

    I think I mentioned in the post I told you to read, but I have purposefully allowed myself to enjoy things such as having a flower background on my computer, or wearing a purple/pink shirt, things like that. Things I should be allowed to enjoy as a man, but not actually female clothing. Enjoying them as a man, rather than trying to look like a woman. Let people think what they want.

    You said –
    “Like, I have a hard time accepting that notion that I have freedom in Christ if the contents of my closet or dresser are supposedly wrong. Like that I’m not a true Christian if I’m not willing to give this up. I know someone who has brought up before that churches spend a lot of time preaching on sex and drugs & alcohol but won’t say a peep on the idea of gluttony and in fact kinda promote it. Like, all three of those fall into the selfish, destructive desire area, don’t they? If it’s okay for a Christian to overeat sometimes and that not be called into question, why is the idea of masturbating sometimes? Or wearing particular clothes?”

    Are there hypocrites in the church? Sure! Of course. But their hypocrisy does not change whether or not crossdressing is a sin, or whether or not it is good for you. And not all Christians are hypocrites on those things. I’ve preached about gluttony and hypocrisy and pride, etc. Don’t worry about the hypocrites. The fact that you are bringing them up makes it sound like you are saying you should be allowed to sin because they sin. That’s not a good argument.

    Not a true Christian if not wiling to give this up? We should be ready to give up anything for Christ. To me, the fact that it is so terribly difficult for you to give up these panties or other things is telling, and should tell you something. Again, if they were just for physical comfort, it would not be so difficult. There are Christians giving up their lives for following Christ, or losing their jobs because of refusing to give in to bad practices. Or losing friendships. If you really aren’t sure whether wearing them is good or bad, why not err on the side of not wearing them, to be sure you are following Christ? The only loss, you say, is a tiny bit of physical comfort. But yet it is so terribly difficult for you to give them up, and you keep discussing with me and reading online, and thinking deeply about it, which tells me that you have a real “need” for wearing them that goes beyond physical comfort. Which means these pieces of fabric, this underwear, has a hold on you. You talk about freedom in Christ, to be able to wear this clothing. Honestly, you sound like you are a slave to this clothing without realizing it. I speak in love. But I’ve talked to enough guys like you, and I know my own tendencies. That I really think that is the case.

    If it’s just about physical comfort, would you really take the risk of possibly sinning, possibly reigniting your crossdressing addiction, possibly having someone find out and ostracize you, etc. if it was just physical comfort? When a normal person wants to wear comfortable clothes, they usually would not go through such extreme risks to do so. They might even choose clothes that are more uncomfortable just because they are easier to purchase or cheaper.

    Again, it seems there is a lot more going on than mere comfort. And I’m not sure how panties could be more comfortable when you have a penis that surely does not fit that well in there. What is the physical comfort? The type of fabric? The snugness? You can get male underwear that fits snugly. Or if you prefer loose, you can get boxers. The design? When do you even have time to look at the design or the color?

    I’m just trying to help. Please don’t feel like I’m attacking you. Please think through what I’m saying.

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  11. TJ Smith says:

    To be honest, if I found something that didn’t require me to special order (especially from fetish sites, I refuse to order anything that is made more for fetish use) that had a similar cut and similar enough patterns to the women’s panties that I have but are sold “for men,” I’d be all for it. You ask about the design, yes, I don’t spend all day looking at the design of what’s in my pants. There are times, however, like going to the bathroom or in times of undress that I see it. Why should I not like what I see then?

    One could definitely say that I have a high-functioning addiction, but it’s largely a question to me of if it’s an “addiction” as defined by God or if it’s an “addiction” as defined by man. In terms of things that are still considered “crossdressing” in some circles, less than 50 years ago girls could still get punished for not wearing a dress to school. Less than half of that time ago, female senators were still expected to wear skirts. There still are a number of churches that, at the lightest, frown heavily upon the idea of a female member in a pair of pants.

    My definition of crossdressing typically includes the making oneself seem more like the opposite sex. That is, in my case, not the case. I don’t want to be seen as a woman. I just want to wear the clothes if I so get the whim, to have the ability to go with the “girl” version of something if I can’t find the “guy” version. (In my researching of fashion, watching videos on YouTube, I have heard a number of times girls talking about buying a men’s shirt at a thrift store or buying a men’s scent or buying the men’s version of something).

    I do think the risks are kinda high in what I’m doing even with my underwear choice. Thing is, why does it always seem like men who may occasionally wear women’s clothing are the ones who are targeted when it comes to crossdressing related stuff? Is it because women can’t crossdress anymore because they’ve absorbed all the items men can wear? That’s what it feels like to me. Realistically, it feels like women have a version of every item a man can wear, suits, boxers, shoes, anything that previously was “male exclusive” is now available in a female form.

    Take that and turn it around, when the “male romper” was “announced” earlier this year, it met with huge ridicule from a lot of conservatives. It was ridiculed as much as the “man bun” is. Like, at the lightest it was just not taken seriously. At its worst, it was seen as an emasculating of men, an example of what’s wrong with this world, that type of stuff.

    Now, I admittedly sometimes have an addictive (and I was diagnosed with ADHD, don’t know how that plays into it) personality. Like I’ll take two of something when I should probably only take one. If something crosses my mind, it can get stuck there for a while. I push on, but I always get brought back in the quiet times along with that song I heard not this morning but two weeks ago and a weird, funny line from a movie I haven’t seen in months or years.

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  12. thorin25 says:

    TJ, ultimately it’s your decision to do what you want to do. Know that you are welcome to keep reading my posts and discussing with me. There are a lot of interesting posts I have written, and articles I have shared. Some might help you

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  13. Jerusalem says:

    I understand the “comfort” line of reasoning. I also see the truth in the introduction of sexual desires that can accompany dressing. I think what some of these people are trying to argue is it is possible to dress for reasons other then sexual fulfillment. My first two opinions would be this – 1) For most crossdressers, the desire to dress and the enjoyment from it happened long before the full development of the sex organs. Many felt the desire to dress long before testosterone was surging through their brains, clouding their minds. While I have observed young boys dressing up with their sisters I would agree that this is a “sinless” practice. Most sin can easily be identified as a “selfish” action while God requires we live “selflessly” (serve him, serve others over our own wants) This is what makes dressing in the private of ones own home so hard to identify as sin directly because of the lack of any victimization. While it is true that most times the victim is yourself (your body is a temple) and we can easily get carried away with our wants and desires and stray from God holiness. Dressing can be enjoyable apart from sexual. 2) A lot of arguments from hardcore christians seem to state if it includes elements of sexual fulfillment then it immediately equates to sin. Many blogs, christians throw in their two cents saying any arousal what-so-ever is proof enough of sin. This is completely preposterous. If that were true, then even your wife wearing lingerie would be sin. God made us sexual creatures to ensure that despite how horrible childbirth was, how much we hated each other, hated our spouses, we would do what is our nature called us to do, create life. God our maker is the very author of life itself and when we were created in his image, this quality was passed down. The only animals species that goes through so much work to create art. Sexual arousal is being human. So if putting on ladies undergarments caused this, does not immediately equate it to sin. My own personal thoughts, I would be more likely to address it as a sin issue when you are no longer functioning for the role God created you for. Part of the freedom apart from crossdressing is when you realize God made you perfect for the job he designed waiting for you. (Eph 2:10) As a man, God created me to be a husband and a father, I cannot let crossdressing interfere with this or I am in sin. He also created me to be a testimony, to our weaker brothers who may be destroyed by our faith (1Cor 8:11) So yes, there are times when crossdressing becomes sin, but to say its a matter of these or those garments is fallacy.

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  14. thorin25 says:

    Jerusalem, thanks for the comment. I think you are right that a lot of Christians focus too much on the sexual aspect. We get too paranoid about sex sometimes, when it’s a gift from God. However, for myself, I think crossdressing is wrong for not just sexual reasons. Here is a full list of reasons why I think it is not only sinful but unhealthy.
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2013/07/08/summary-of-why-crossdressing-is-sinfulharmful/
    You might be interested in this post as well – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2016/08/08/an-alternative-method-integration-and-contentment/

    Also, if you look at the wives of crossdressers page, especially the recent comments, you’ll see that for many crossdressers (I’d be surprised if it wasn’t most), cd sexual pleasure ends up being a replacement for sexual pleasure with wife. Not only that, but cd itself, the created female persona, can end up becoming a replacement for the wife completely, in the nonsexual ways.
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/12/21/crossdressing-without-sexual-component/
    http://www.tbuckner.com/TRANSVES.HTM

    As to your first comment about childhood, I think it is a mistake to limit sexuality to genitals. Much of it is in the brain. Right? So even as children, before puberty, we start seeing the differences between boys and girls. While much crossdressing in children might have absolutely nothing to do with sex, the absence of puberty or fully developed sexualization, does not mean there isn’t still something sexual going on.

    As far as sin, there are all kinds of things in the Bible that are regarded as sinful that have nothing to do with selfishness. Crossdressing is partly sinful because it goes against the categories that God created, and goes against the identities and bodies that God created for us. This is not because it causes sexual pleasure nor because of selfishness, but for a very different kind of reason. (Crossdressing can be about selfishness too).

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  15. Jerusalem says:

    I agree with the amount of “sin” that can be involved in crossdressing. But I also have to disagree with your very dumbed down version of “selfishness”. It is truly an very basic concept of christianity. Put God first, and loving your neighbor which are the entirety of the law (Matthew 22:36-40). Both these put others before self. When you put self before others (God included), it is sin. If you have ever had a chance to do a study on Satanism, you may be surprised that the main guiding principle is “worship of self” NOT “worship of satan”. This is why “If it feels good, do it” and “look out for number 1” type philosophies are so empty and destructive. This very simple principle is what you already agreed with when you spoke about sin creeping into marriage, when CD’ing becomes an issue that can harm your relationship with your wife(clearly “selfishness”). A selfless marriage where one seeks to put his wife’s needs above his own is the very essence of what christ taught, serving his disciples, washing their feet, and dying for our sins even though he didn’t need to die. In other words, “selflessness.” My point I was trying to make earlier is too many people get concerned with looking at crossdressing as an issue of “wearing clothing” and make irrational arguments over these points. As with all sin its always comes down to the root condition of the heart. (I know you probably know all of this already, just feel like maybe I was misunderstood so trying to clear the air). This was a turning point in my struggle with crossdressing. I know for years misinformation has prevailed online over CD’ing specifically because the vast majority of opinions had no clue or background with the condition and it breaks my heart. I just know it will take strong leaders such as yourself to try to change some of the discussion about CD’ing in the church and in the world. I appreciate your blog here and think it is an excellent resource. Just added my two cents after reading several of the posts talking about “comfort” and “sex” and realized they weren’t looking deeper at the condition of the heart. Its a typical mistake repeated over and over by the Pharisees trying to trick Jesus about questions of the law. So much focus on the law and details instead of the spirit of putting God and others first – selflessness. Keep up the good work, Love your input!!!

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  16. thorin25 says:

    Thanks Jerusalem, I largely agree with you. I’m just saying that not every sin is about selfishness, though many or most can be traced down to that.

    Thank you for your comments, and encouragement, and reminding all of us to look at the deeper issues of the heart!

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  17. thorin25 says:

    Jerusalem, are you currently struggling with crossdressing yourself? Or used to but no longer? What is your current situation? Thanks for the discussion

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  18. Jerusalem says:

    Thorin25 – CD was something that had been a part of me for so many years, It was not harming my marriage per se, but something that was hiding behind the curtain. God told me to tell my wife even though there wasn’t a need or reason to. I was so afraid of the repercussions that I fought him for about a week. Eventually I gave in and obeyed and told her. To my surprise, so seemed ok with it at first, we painted toenails, went cloths shopping, but things very quickly changed. Don’t know why but we started getting into fights as she slowly became more and more against it. I felt completely betrayed and harbored a lot of bitterness towards both God and her (God for feeling tricked) BUT once again I obeyed God who commanded me to love my wife as christ love the church – and gave himself up for her. (Eph 5:25) so I gave it up and submitted to my wife desires (first shall be last, and last shall be first). It was very hard for me knowing it was my wife’s job to submit to my authority as the head of the household but I needed to submit to God first! I diligently search the scriptures, reading every post and blog, researching every interpretation and rabbinical comments. All the time God was teaching me so much about faith and obedience. But he would not answer the most basic question for me, is IT sin? So I kept searching, thinking if I could find a black and white answer I would be able to fully submit. I never found that answer, but He did teach me how to fully submit. I don’t have to have an answer, he is God, creator of the entire universe. I had given him everything, I have obeyed and will continue to obey even if I never get that answer. I have a very in-depth education in both theology (as far as Americans are concerned) and also have a degree in medicine. While one my knees one night asking for God’s will for my life he asked me to use my gifts to serve others. When I asked which gifts, “writing” is what came immediately to mind. I immediately started working on a book to help assist men and young boys that are carrying their own burdens around. My heart burns for the men that feel alone in this struggle and even though I don’t have all the answers at this point I want to give what I can. I have taught Bible studies on marriage issues as me and my wife enjoy an amazing marriage that God has blessed abundantly. So I feel confident enough to write a decent few pages, haha. During my research on the topic I came across your site and instantly felt drawn to it, I love your responses and your same desire to assist those affected and hurting by CD’ing which is blatantly obvious in your words. On a much personal note on where my struggle is currently residing, I am at peace with it more then I ever have in my life. However this is where things get a little complicated. I have a hard time coming out and saying that a man putting on woman’s clothing is a SIN because I realize that it has nothing to do with the clothing but has to do with the attitude of the Heart. This is the very difficult transition from OT law to the NT freedom living under grace which is, in my opinion, one of the most difficult theological concepts to understand. On the same note I would not say “It is NOT sin” because (Matt 18:7, Romans 14:21, etc.) its not my place to judge, and I do not get to determine what is sin and what isn’t. Far be it from me to ever judge another brother with law or stubble another brother with freedom! The way I currently look at is this, It brings with it a vast multitude of other sins and should be approached with the most sincerity of caution! I have seen it destroy many marriages and hurt many people, seems like it produces some very bad fruit at first glance! But I also know we have a limited understanding of reality. For instance, Ive mentioned in another post that American culture is skewed, men cannot enjoy things that are probably perfectly fine for a man to enjoy in todays macho culture, meekness, beauty, and grace. The qualities that we immediately attribute to “soft men” or “homosexuals.” Men are supposed to seem Strong, Aggressive, and tough. Men struggle with this unrealistic expectation and struggle to find “who they are”. Meekness is a godly attribute (Matt 5:5) We seek a beautiful redeemed body and will never be happy with this one (2 Cor 5:1-6)(Romans 8:16-18). Also keep in mind there, when Eve was created he took from Adams side (word translated is more correctly “side” NOT “RIB”!) and formed eve. I find it absolutely fascinating that Adam then says, “flesh of MY flesh”(Gen 2:23-24). This is amazing to me because apparently he took on look at her and immediately knew where she came from. Some say it means he just recognized her as his “Kind” But the very next verse states “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Why would the two become one flesh? Well if you think he just created a different “kind” this is confusing. But if you believe he took from Adam something that now makes up Eve this makes perfect sense. This also explains why homosexuality is against Gods will. If love is really all that mattered then why not? But if man is lacking something about the female body that he may have once had that explains why a God specifically states it is to be between a Man and a Woman, it completes the original design. As far as science, genetic sex chromosomes of males are XY and females XX. Why would we still have a copy of all the female genetic code? I do believe all true science supports the bible and my brief study in sex identity genetics leads me to believe that in our corrupted decaying bodies there are things we don’t understand about the similarity and difference between gender and sex. I don’t find it very odd then that through the natural course of all history men have struggled with gender identity in every civilization. We live in corrupted bodies that are FAR from the original design. At this point we are basically handicapped compared to what the original Adam and Eve must have been. I do still long for what I hope is the femininity side being restored in some fashion in our glorified bodies. I do understand that for the most part the bible states we will be the sons of God. Many people take what jesus said “we will be like the angels” to mean that there is no sex. This is completely false. The fallen angels had fully functioning sexual organs, (Gen 6 1-6) Does God create useless organs? Evolutions for years said some of our organs were “left overs” now unless and they were then taken out by surgical removal. The more we learn, these organs DID have a purpose and pseudoscience was wrong! Christians will point out this mistake immediately (all organs created with a purpose) but assume angels had sex organs for no reason…seems like bullcrap. To sum up, we just don’t know at this point what God’s original design and future plans are. Neither should be concern ourselves with it but trust him fully that it will all be revealed in his perfect timing and it will be greater then we every imagined. This hope is why I can be at peace with CD and put it off for now out of obedience as I await something that will be far more beautiful than anything I could ever imagine…This restored body, his church, his city his Jerusalem! -Isaiah 52:9

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  19. thorin25 says:

    Wow long comment 🙂 Thank you for your testimony and your compliments.

    You know already that we disagree about how clear the Bible is regarding whether it is sin. It sounds like you’ve read a lot of my posts already. Have you read my posts on Deuteronomy 22 and 1 Corinthians 11?

    As far as stupid cultural notions of masculinity we are on the same page. In this post, which maybe you read already, I talk about ways we can be ourselves and feel what we need to feel, without putting on a dress to feel those things that we should be allowed to feel as men – https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2016/08/08/an-alternative-method-integration-and-contentment/

    Also agree that we don’t know exactly what to look forward to in Heaven. I can’t imagine we would lose our genitals in the resurrection. Maybe there will be sex in Heaven, but just not marriage, because we won’t be limited in our love like we are now? Who knows. Or maybe there won’t be any sex, but things far better. Regardless, we will be complete, content with ourselves, full of joy and happiness with God, and no longer with any brokenness in our bodies and souls.

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  20. Jerusalem says:

    Thorin25 – sorry for another lengthy post but here it goes 😀 1 Cor 11 is beyond irreverent, reread verse 16. He states the church did have that practice in those times. Obviously thats over a 1000 years old and the practice no longer exists in the church today. It is no longer considered dishonorable for a man to have long hair and neither does any female get looked down upon due to not wearing a bonnet to church. Not really sure why you would bring that up? As far as Deuteronomy 22, I’m afraid you may not have a very good understanding of the law. Tell me, do you strictly follow verse 11 and 12? If not then read Gal 3:10 and James 2:10. Im not trying to preach I’m just pointing out that the biggest downfall of the Pharisees was the belief that following the law actually did or meant anything. But Jesus pointed out its always a condition of the heart, not physical matter. Therefor, putting on woman’s clothing cannot be sinful (otherwise woman would be in sin) BUT coveting (the real sin) a woman’s body or looks over your own is sin. Or fantasizing while dressed can is as well. Coveting is probably what I would deem the true sin of CD’ing is. For instance, in some Arab cultures and others, the men often use makeup to try to look more attractive for the females, but that is socially accepted as a normal Heterosexual practice in that culture. If we followed the letter of the law, they would be in sin, but if we follow the purpose of the law, then it comes down to the reason in their heart they are doing it. Gal 5:14 explains by loving your neighbor as yourself we fulfill the law, so how would this be applicable? If I went to those countries I couldn’t judge them based on that behavior without knowing the motives and condition of their hearts. I could not think I was more righteous or any better than them for not doing such things, this would be pride. This is why I cannot strictly say, “Crossdressing=Sin” in good conscious, but would rather rephrase it as “What motivates you to crossdress – maybe sin.” Read 1 Cor 6:2. then ask yourself, if you where judging a crossdresser with intellectual disabilities or another mental disorder (which happens very frequently), would you judge them according to Deut 22 and condemn them? Or would you need to know the condition of their heart? Again, sorry to be preachy, I mean absolutely no disrespect by it. Just food for thought!

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  21. Jerusalem says:

    And by the way, your “An Alternative Method – Integration and Contentment” is very well written!

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  22. thorin25 says:

    Thanks for both of the comments Jerusalem, but as you are writing, i can’t help but thinking you did not actually read either of the two posts mentioned – about Deuteronomy and 1 Corinthians, because I respond to the issues you raise in those two posts. If you want to read them carefully we can discuss more. In the Deuteronomy post I discuss the issue of how the OT law applies to today. In the Corinthian post I talk about how even though we don’t do head coverings today, the principles the passage teaches still apply, the cultural applications are different today though.
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2011/10/24/deuteronomy-225/
    https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2014/09/23/1-corinthians-112-16/

    Thanks, God bless you, talk to you later

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  23. Jerusalem says:

    Thorin – Acts 15:2 -“This brought [them] into sharp debate…” Its no surprise when matters of the law pop up in Christianity that the end product always seems to equate to non-peaceful interactions. Deuteronomy 22:5 is a classic example. Anybody who has done as much research into this verse as you (and i) obviously have cannot deny this. Why? the law is powerless to save(Romans 8:3), Its the sentence of death (1 Cor 15:56), and although holy by standards, its practical application is typically largely misunderstood (Pharisees where MASTERS of the law, more so then you and I probably ever will be). I don’t like reading commentary on the verse itself because a lot hinges on how you tend to interpret the root words, as specific as “clothing”,”armor”,”practices of idol worship during that period and place” to “all things related too genders” etc. You did point this out, and this is where things start to get a little slippery. Can anybody be saved or be deemed righteous by the law? No, so to write an article on the practical application, in other words, the practice of following the law, without looking at it through the very specific lens of “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Galatians 5:14) is all to easy to draw other conclusions. Matthew 12:4 explains that David blatantly disobeyed the law by eating the consecrated bread. This is direct disobedience to the black and white letter of the law. But when interpreting it through the lens of “love and peace with all men” its a defining example of when mercy was imparted despite the holy requirements. I asked you if you could condemn someone else according to this verse at the judgement of the world, I could not. Matthew 7:2 states we will be measured according to how we measure others. If we used the OT law, we all stand condemned, If we use Christ law, we stand righteous and free! This is why I will not touch it with a hundred yard pole, I do not ever want (my human understanding of law) to be used in judgement against me or anyone! For I know we all fall short of the Glory of God… -with his love, Jerusalem.

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  24. thorin25 says:

    Thank you Jerusalem for reading my posts. And thank you for the comment. It’s okay to agree to disagree, it’s good discussion.

    We disagree about the law. But agree on how we are saved. I agree we are not justified through the law. We are justified by the righteousness of Christ, and by his death taking our punishment. However, that doesn’t mean the law disappears. Jesus said he came to fulfill it not to take it away. It’s clear that ceremonial and civil laws were fulfilled in such a way as that we are not to do them specifically now, the NT makes that clear. But the moral laws, although fulfilled by Christ for us, still show us normative righteousness, how God wants us to live always. It’s still wrong to commit adultery. It’s still wrong to make idols. We can see that we are still supposed to obey the moral laws because Jesus and Paul both tell the Christians to do so. Jesus says not only are we to obey the moral laws on the outside, but also on the inside, our hearts matter. See the sermon on the mount. At the end of Paul’s letters, he summarizes how we are to live, and he basically just repeats moral laws of the old testament. But I get into all of those, and the 3 types of laws, in the Deut. 22 post, so you’ve probably read that explanation already.

    In conclusion on that point, I agree with you that the law brings only condemnation, it cannot save us. But after we get saved through Christ, the law still shows us God’s commands. His will for our lives and how to live has not changed. Besides, if you take away the law, then that means you only follow the Spirit. I am all for following the Spirit. But if you have no guidelines, each person will say different things about what the Spirit is telling them to do. This does not match with the NT, which has very clear guidelines, and reinforcement of OT laws.

    To your question about condemning people. I don’t think we are supposed to go around condemning people. But we are supposed to make moral judgments about behavior. Those are not the same things. I can say that adultery is sinful, it’s a wrong evil action. That is making a moral judgment. That is not the same as condemning a person who committed adultery. People in our culture love to say that Christians are judgmental. But what they actually mean is that they are annoyed that Christians have standards and beliefs about morality. Sure, some Christians are actually judgemental too. But largely people just want to be relativists and accuse Christians or having too many moral beliefs. Likewise, I am not condemning people by using Deut. to say that CD is sinful. God is the judge. But Scripture is abundantly clear on the behavior. It could hardly get more clear.

    Did you read the 1 Corinthians post?

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