Wives of Crossdressers Chat

This page was made upon request, for wives of crossdressers to have a place for discussion. There are other forums for crossdressers’ wives on the net, and I’ve linked to some of those on my links page. This page is intended to be a place where wives can support one another, give advice, pray for one another, and discuss these complicated issues. Since there are other general forums out there, this page will be mainly intended for those wives who view crossdressing as sinful or unhealthy, and for those wives who are Christians.  But all wives of crossdressers should feel very welcome to comment and discuss here.

I cannot add a forum into my site, so you will just have to comment and reply as one long thread. If you are a new user, I usually can approve you within a day or two.  I hold all email addresses with confidentiality, but for those of you who are rightly worried about security and anonymity, it’s easy to make a new email address with anonymous names, which you could do before commenting here.  If you have ideas about editing the description above, or have other ideas for this page, let me know.

I highly suggest you read this post which is for people trying to help those struggling with crossdressing, with a special long section especially directed to you wives – Giving pastoral care to a crossdresser or transgendered person


*Please do not post your email in the body of the comment itself. It is important to protect yourself from spam and potential harassment by never publicly posting your personal information (such as your email address) on this or any other blog. Rest assured that I will keep your email address confidential.

1,016 comments on “Wives of Crossdressers Chat

  1. Eric says:

    I’ll stop after this but the way you talk about it is why I posted in the first place… Thorin never said that you shouldn’t be talking in the open. I’m sure he’s in favor of doing so.

    Regarding both your last post and the responses to my last post, yes obviously some of you are quite comfortable sharing openly and I think that’s great. Whatever Thorin chooses, I’m sure you can continue too. What I wonder though is if anyone comes here and is intimidated by having to be public and decides not to post because of it. In that case we’d be missing out and we wouldn’t know since they never posted… so as long as public posting is still an option and hopefully the preferred way (we do want people to find us easily after all) then I don’t see such a plan as harmful but only a potential benefit to voices that are currently unheard.


  2. CD wife says:

    Eric that’s a typical addict response i rest my case.Sigh…. i am only saying this is all anonymous so no need to hide any comments. Anyone can read them with a false name anyway so what’s the point ?


  3. Paul Samson says:

    Hi All,

    Thorin is tied up with ministry duties at the moment, and has asked me to monitor this forum. I’m sure when he is back he will speak into recent comments … until then let’s not make assumptions about what he would or wouldn’t allow.

    As I have said before, I’m glad for the openness of wives. It’s helped me see just how much hurt this has caused them, and therefore how much hurt this has caused my wife.

    However …

    … the blessing of this forum is that it gives, those of us who have struggled with this, a safe place for us to share. For some of us, being able to, anonymously, share our struggle has been the first step in being open with friends and family face to face. While we might not be willing to spill our guts online, many of us have done so with a close friend in their physical presence. We have felt able to do so because of the way this forum is set up and has been run.


  4. CD wife says:

    Sorry but i do not fully understand what you are trying to say but you are a Crossdressing addict so i’m used to that.
    Are you saying you like it how it is ? Or you have not been able to share everything on here ? Face to face sharing is what is required for true recovery anyway to bring the addiction into the light.
    Step 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.


  5. nosillasite says:

    Sorry, I think we are making a big deal out of nothing… This forum is for Wives of Crossdressers and not all of us are “taboo” against our husbands and partners and others are because of their condition,,I was totally fed up with my husband on the verge of divorce twice, I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I don’t know if it was Eric or CDing hurts that mentioned to continue to hug your husband even if he doesn’t like it.. By God’s grace that has been working to improve us. I let go of the emotional affair I had online because he kept relapsing on his addiction of choice and it almost drove me insane.. so I’m in codependence over that as well. Either way I think the input of Thorin, Eric and whomever else wants to share in here regarding CDing is beneficial only because not only can I learn the mindset of my husband even though I don’t condone the practice but I believe we help you guys too in knowing what’s best all the way around. I’m grateful my husband is at least my great friend.. I’ll take that over a drunk with excuses anyday.. I just hope that our love that was sustained when we got married carries out into the latter years.. WE have two children we raise together, and I believe as long as I am okay and get spiritual every morning, I am here to serve one purpose and that is God.. Everything else I am hoping will be happy one day.. I think happiness is overrated anyway.. So hats off to the guys that share!


  6. Andrew says:

    I have so much respect for you ladies, that you have a place where you can feel safe enough to open up about some very hard stuff. I rarely will post here because of that respect to allow you all to deal with your own pain, your own stores and shares. This blog started back in 2011 and has helped many to come to the realization that CD is just wrong but in a loving way to help the guys that struggle with it to find a safe place where they can express themselves in an environment that allows for growth. We have tried a number of ways to provide for an outlet and went back to a group where the like minded of us could join us as we healed with Christ’s love and the support of each other as men. If Thorin is trying to develop the same for you then I would applaud it as it will be a place to go deeper and keep your conversations between you women, not to keep us out but to heal together. If you don’t feel that it would be a good move then by all means express that to him.
    I wouldn’t want men to hijack your group not because of what you have to say but because I am convinced that as we all know men and women think differently, men need other men to be accountable to as well as to share with one another as iron sharpens iron.
    I do read the posts here and they break my heart as I wish I could speak to each of your husbands to give them a clue as to how their behavior has hurt and damaged and created major wreakage in their relationships. I have been blessed to sponsor and be an accountability partner for men that have started here on the blog over the years but my goal would be to see more accountability from those recovering in this addiction because that is where the healing will begin.
    So to any men who are here I would implore you to consider joining our group where we can go deeper and recover together as men! To you wives, please continue to tell your stories and I pray that our Lord God will heal you as you go through your journeys.

    Blessings always



  7. Andrew says:

    Cding Hurts
    I know that Thorin invited you to join our email prayer group so this might be redundant. Click on the link and join us, you can share with many other like minded men and heal if that is truly what you desire. Give it a chance!
    You can get healing but you have to want it for real.



  8. CD wife says:

    Andrew you say you have respect for the wives then go on to give your opinion on their page and make suggestions on what would be good for us.
    I can only say this is typical addict behaviour.


  9. CD wife says:

    Andrew just one more thing and this is with respect i quote you ” I do read the posts here and they break my heart ” If we have a sub private section you and others won’t be able to do that. This is what is of GREAT CONCERN to me. The CDs need to “hear us” to get some understanding of what this does to relationships.
    I read somewhere on here that very few post on the email group. What ever you do write about still anonymously would be educational for us wives to see as well but i wouldn’t post there because it’s for you i respect that.
    Secrets keep us sick every thing should be brought into the light.


  10. thorin25 says:

    I’m back, sorry to have missed much of this conversation. A few words –

    1. For us men, let’s try to limit our comments on this page to few. But I think chiming in from time to time is appreciated, especially when you are praying for the wives here. I have been unable to count the times I’ve been appreciated here through offering prayer and advice. It is absolutely allowed for men to comment here as it has been from the beginning. But if you want to discuss your own issues and topics, let’s do so on other areas of the blog. Lately, we’ve probably been commenting here too much, so let’s give the women some space.

    2. CDwife, you know that I appreciate you very much, don’t forget that when I say this. Your comments about addicts, especially to Andrew, is completely out of bounds. I remind you firstly of the fruits of the spirit, please try to speak in love. I remind you secondly that people that post here are courageous enough to be going against the culture which says to just continue to crossdress, and we should be doing everything we can to keep people here, and not drive them away. I remind you third, that Andrew has not given in to this sexual sin for many years, and is living a victorious free life and is not keeping anything a secret, and has been more open about his real identity in this community than I have. He has been my right hand man in this ministry from the beginning and he has every right to offer advice.

    3. About the forums, I have already made the decision. I have heard from so many wives that they would like one for private discussion. And I have heard from others here that they don’t need one. There is no harm in having both. I completely disagree with the logic that we have to discuss everything on the internet for all to see. That is nonsensical. Should we start typing up the conversations we have with our families and putting them on the internet too? Should people be typing up their conversations they have with their counselors? I wrack my brain trying to understand the logic, but cannot. I am going to be upgrading my site and will have both an open area to comment like this for wives, as well as a private forum. Wives can use which one they want or both.

    Let’s all try to remember we are on the same team! Think twice about your comment, and read it through, before commenting, both women and men, please. Let’s speak in love and gentleness


  11. thorin25 says:

    Also, the email prayer group has been very active, and it’s helping a lot of guys.

    My last word here for a while – I really do want to make space for the ladies, and I have been trying to do so over the last 6 months especially. My general policy is that if a new lady posts here, that I hope one of you ladies who is a regular will respond to them. I try to only respond now if no one else does, or if they specifically are requesting advice or prayer, or trying to say something to me as the owner of the blog. Otherwise, I am leaving it to all you ladies to discuss together.

    When other guys start commenting here too much, I will watch out for that and steer them to other parts of the blog.



  12. Hurting Wife Dot says:

    Thank you Thorin for your balance, and this blog. Thank you Andrew for helping.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. CD wife says:

    Hurting wife re read your own post Jan 15 and don’t be gaslighted here by the CDs on the wives page. It is becoming very unhealthy.
    Be safe always.


  14. nosillasite says:

    CD Wife,, no offense, and I can understand how hurtful it has been for you, I think you are separated and that’s a good thing, but please, let’s not make a big deal about the guys in here. I actually can use their support.. Sometimes the balance is good because as women, and I’m sorry to say this but I will, when we get together and bitch there is no solving.. I mean, we can whine all we want but then there is no action or at least direction. Now I’m not saying to change it to Wives of Crossdressers and Recovering Crossdressers, but I’ve been learning alot and still give it all to GOD as Alanon and Co Dependents recovery suggests.
    Can’t we all just get along? Don’t have resentment toward the crossdresser in recovery, please. We are all fallen. Peace..


  15. Hurting Wife Dot says:

    Dear CDwife, I didn’t like reading things from CD men who are newly recovering and still complaining about THEIR problems. From men who for years are acting as Christian men should, who can talk with balanced, Biblical thoughts, and are here to help us all, I do appreciate reading what they say. As I see that you write on other of the men’s pages, I also sometimes read other pages to see what Thorin or Andrew say, but not write there, at least not unless I really had something to really help someone, yet not to complain on those pages.. If I am in a very struggling time, I prefer just women’s talk, or just to do my own complaining here. It can feel safer here without new CD men. that’s for sure. I’m very sorry if I started all this contention. I hope I’m being understood now.


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