Wives of Crossdressers Chat

This page was made upon request, for wives of crossdressers to have a place for discussion. There are other forums for crossdressers’ wives on the net, and I’ve linked to some of those on my links page. This page is intended to be a place where wives can support one another, give advice, pray for one another, and discuss these complicated issues. Since there are other general forums out there, this page will be mainly intended for those wives who view crossdressing as sinful or unhealthy, and for those wives who are Christians.  But all wives of crossdressers should feel very welcome to comment and discuss here.

I cannot add a forum into my site, so you will just have to comment and reply as one long thread. If you are a new user, I usually can approve you within a day or two.  I hold all email addresses with confidentiality, but for those of you who are rightly worried about security and anonymity, it’s easy to make a new email address with anonymous names, which you could do before commenting here.  If you have ideas about editing the description above, or have other ideas for this page, let me know.

I highly suggest you read this post which is for people trying to help those struggling with crossdressing, with a special long section especially directed to you wives – Giving pastoral care to a crossdresser or transgendered person

 

*Please do not post your email in the body of the comment itself. It is important to protect yourself from spam and potential harassment by never publicly posting your personal information (such as your email address) on this or any other blog. Rest assured that I will keep your email address confidential.

434 comments on “Wives of Crossdressers Chat

  1. CD wife says:

    Lisa i feel there have been enough secrets kept from me. I prefer to be open and honest as i have been all my life. I have nothing to hide and nothing to say that i wouldn’t want both sides to read and i pray my words may help someone. Certainly this forum has made me feel less alone and i have benefited from both sides shares.

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  2. Yes I agree it should not be kept private because by seeing what is going on in the lives not only of the wives but other family members as well it allows those like myself who follow the blog to pray more intelligently and up to date for the wives and families another aspect is,and I know I’m not alone in this from reading the wives section that we men can and in my case have been convicted and challenged about the pain I have caused my wife over the years. I continue to pray for everyone on the blog including those who seem to disappear and I wonder how they are doing I just keep reminding myself that our loving Father knows where were all at and that’s why we can come to him confidently and boldly what a privilege on this Sunday morning and indeed every morning.God bless all you wives and families and keep up the good work Thorin God is using you
    Billy

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  3. Hurting Wife Dot says:

    I have seen other websites that have multiple threads for different topics. As I read, I have thoughts to comment (like thank you CD Wife for replying to me), but as I keep reading before getting to the end, I forget what I wanted to say.

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  4. CD wife says:

    Godsgirl You talk about being safe. All children have a right to be safe if as you said your husband is looking at under age girls he needs to be reported to the police immediately.

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  5. CD wife says:

    You are welcome Hurting Wife.

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  6. Temptedsinner says:

    Incredibly AWESOME!!!

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  7. CD wife says:

    Keep your feet on the ground Godsgirl this is a man you informed us looked at underage girl porn. I would have turned him in.
    Keep the focus on yourself.I’m praying for you. Time will tell.

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  8. Lisa says:

    I agree with CD wife on this. Crossdressing is one thing which can be overcome. Looking at underage girl porn is very scary. I’m praying you make the right decision Godsgirl. I can see only one way to go. Please think about yourself and your kids.

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  9. CD wife says:

    They may call themselves experts but trust me they have no way of knowing if he is sincere and if they are telling you this i would SACK them. You may think you have everything covered that he accesses the internet with but you have no way of knowing. Addicts are always one step ahead.
    Also in the UK therapists have a duty of care to report him to the authorities with the information they have on him. What you are telling us sounds very suspicious to me. Remember i work in the field.
    If i was the owner of this site i would have you traced. You have gone from what you have told us about him to this sudden extreme change hmm very suspicious indeed !!!!
    As for thanking me for my genuine concern i’m more concerned for the young girls he has abused by viewing them. WAKE UP. You describe yourself as “healthy” !!!! ????? You don’t sound very healthy to me.

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  10. DD says:

    CD wife, I think everyone can change. I am a different person from 10 years ago. I am no longer interested in things I was into back then, for instance.

    There is one famous Japanese university professor who is a CDer, and I read an interesting article by him the other day, reading that when he was a teenager, his mother was very harsh, and never satisfied even with his being all-time A student. He recalled that he was living in a fear that someday she would through him away. He wrote that back then, he wanted to kill someone or himself. As reading this, I associated with my husband, whose mother was a kinda same.

    Then, I thought, if that was one of the reasons of their CDing, it could be cured. It is not like they were born like that.

    I have been praying for 9 weeks now, and I see many changes in my husband as well. So I was very happy to read the Godsgirl’s current situation, which gives me so much hope.

    Again, people can change if they want, or if that is what their souls want. Some people may fail in changing, but some will succeed.

    Sometimes, it is hard to hold on to hopes, but keep on praying. And show our affection to them. After praying for weeks, and if you see any change in them, it means, I believe, that THEY ARE READY TO CHANGE. If not, you can always leave the situation! We do what we can do now, and we will decide what we want if we find ourselves hurt too much to take any more. Or maybe, and hopefully, in a year or two, our situations will be soooo much better that we cannot imagine now.

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  11. thorin25 says:

    Godsgirl, I’m sorry you don’t feel the positive care you want from this blog. I affirm everything you said and am thanking God for the positive changes your husband is undertaking! No one is too far away from God’s grace being able to change him. Even Jeffrey Dahmer became a Christian while in prison.

    One thing I would say to you CDwife. Don’t try to make boxes and lines to divide those who are messed up and those who aren’t. We are all messed up. We are not better than her husband. We are all messed up. We all need grace, all need forgiveness, and all need help from others. I see a husband there who has repented, knows he needs help, and is getting the help he needs. I would put my trust in that husband more than most people in this world, because most people are stuck in their sins, in their pride, in their deceit, and don’t realize that they are messed up in need of God’s grace. This man has laid himself bare before not only his wife but other people now too. How many people have done that, whether sex addicts or not? Not many.

    It is not helpful to demonize crossdressers. It is also not helpful to demonize anyone else. CD wife I have appreciated many of your comments here over the years, and I hope the good comments keep coming. But remember that this site is primarily for the recovering addicts such as myself, and I don’t want you to be demonizing us or saying that we are beyond hope of change. You might want to draw a line between me and some of us between people like her husband. But the reality is that that line is really blurry. As I said, we are all messed up, and have all looked at crap online that is really bad and disturbing. But God has rescued us and helped us and we are continuing to get help.

    Even if people believed there was no God, we could have hope that people can choose to change. But if we believe God is real, then it would be silly not to believe that people can change. Go online, read the testimonies of rapists, drug addicts, and others who have come to Christ and have their lives radically changed. Have more hope and positivity! Not every story ends terribly badly like yours apparently did. We sympathize with you and feel for the pain you experienced. But just because your husband could not be trusted, does not mean other ones can’t be trusted.

    Do you understand what I’m getting at? I don’t want this page to turn into an advice column for how to get a divorce. For some marriages, there is hope for change and healing.

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  12. CD Wife says:

    Thorin you have made a number of incorrect assumptions about my life. We are talking CHILD PORNOGRAPHY here with Godsgirls husband CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. And it this and this alone that i am horrified about.
    Godsgirl at least inform you children so they can make an informed decision as to whether they want their step father near their children and i again remind you to be vigilant around them when they are near your husband at all times.
    Someone has to speak out here no one else has except Lisa.

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  13. Lisa says:

    Hi Thorin. Yes the lines are blurry. But not in the case of child porn. Godsgirl mentioned her husband is just looking not acting upon. Those disgusting thoughts are in his head and kids are around. It’s very disturbing. This sight is for men whom want to stop CD and adult porn. Not for Crossdressing pedophiles.
    I’m sorry if this offends you Thorin but young children must be protected at all costs.

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  14. CD wife says:

    I wouldn’t know what type of porn he was watching if he was indeed watching any but if i had proof like you have that he was watching child pornography i would have turned him in.
    Didn’t know you had psychic powers Godsgirl to know what our husbands were looking at.
    Concentrate on your grandchildren and keep them safe away from your paedophile husband.

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  15. DD says:

    Let’s make this space a place we can bring anything, without having a fear of being bashed, threatened to report (or make us report) to the police, etc.

    Godsgirl, don’t be discouraged. As Thorin said, I agree that your husband is making a huge step, and that is a huge improvement which should give you a huge reason to be and stay happy!

    We pray, and if things are changing, that means that we are in the right direction. If not, that simply means that we should change the direction!

    Nobody is losing here—— (I am screaming this loud;)

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  16. DD says:

    Godsgirl,

    Thanks for your notes.

    I am basically in the same situation as you now. My husband seems to be sober for more than 2 months, while I pray everyday by waking up one hour earlier.

    As I see him changing, I feel that God tells me I am on the right truck with my husband. Then your message only strengthened my faith in God and prayers.

    And I do know what you mean by ‘tomorrow can be another story.’ We can always leave the situation, so let’s not worry about the things that have not happened yet.

    When I started praying, I decided that if nothing changed, I would leave him. So if we pray hard, and nothing changes, then I believe that is also God’s present, letting us know that we should change the course.

    Anyway, as you said, we all have enough hurt from our husbands’ CDing, so let’s just be nice to each other here.

    Have a wonderful weekend to you all!

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  17. DD says:

    I actually meditate 15 minutes before praying so that, first, I would not depend my happiness 100% on whether or not he changes (to reach my own mindfulness), and second, that would facilitate my prayers directly to God.

    Yes, you and your husband will definitely in my prayers, too!

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  18. thorin25 says:

    Let’s just all agree to move on from this disagreement, and keep on helping one another. Doesn’t do anyone any good to keep rehashing. We all agree that child porn is EXTREMELY serious, but we disagree on whether he really looked at child porn at all, and we disagree on whether he stumbled across that site, or was seeking it out. Let’s move on. It won’t help to keep having the same argument. let’s agree to disagree and support one another because we really are all on the same page against a culture that celebrates CD, transgenderism, and pornography.

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  19. thorin25 says:

    Furthermore, she is taking the proper precautions and keeping her children safe. And even if this guy has more temptations in that direction than we realize, he is getting help and changing. What more can we ask for. It’s a miracle! I believe there is hope for everyone, no matter what kind of desires they experience. I don’t want to demonize anyone and say that all we can do for them is lock them up for the rest of their life.

    Regardless, I want to reiterate what I said. We few, men and women, here at this site, stand alone against a tide of sin, a culture that not only tolerates these kinds of sins, but encourages people in them. We must stand together. We don’t have to pretend we are all the same. We can have disagreements on this page. Just as in my prayer group for my guys recovering from CD we have disagreements all the time. That is life. So sometimes we just have to agree to disagree, and keep moving on together.

    God’sgirl made a decision that several of you think was foolish and unwise. That’s fine. It’s okay for you to think that. But we’ve all talked and talked, and she is continuing in the same direction. Now it falls to us to help her as best as we can in the new situation, without digging up old arguments.

    I can guarantee that this will happen many more times. A wife will come on here, get lots of diverse advice, and will not take the advice of everyone, but ultimately make her own decision. We have to allow people freewill but still help them as best as we can. It’s hard to do this, but we must. I get people commenting here on this site all the time, some refuse to believe in God, some refuse to accept that crossdressing is harmful, some people are inspired by my posts but refuse to completely eliminate crossdressing in their lives, some wives encourage their husbands in the activity. I can’t control what they do.

    Anyway, I appreciate all of you, I value all of you even those I disagreed with just now. Another day, we will be in agreement together on a different issue, disagreeing with someone else. We are like a family. Let’s stand together, keep loving each other, and praying together

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  20. CD wife says:

    Thorin don’t be fooled track back which i don’t seem to be able to do. I can only go back to the 23rd February and you will see he was looking at very young girls.She also accused my husband of doing the same and all you men as well.
    I am watching for the” amazing progress” and what will be on offer from her.Watch this space !

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  21. DD says:

    Godsgirl,

    THAT’S WONDERFUL!!!!

    I think your husband is 90+% recovered and healed!! What is most difficult is not just to decide but to manifest his decisions in action, which he has been doing!!

    I have been asking mine to join my prayers and meditation, and it seems that he is changing for the better.

    A-N-Y-W-A-Y…

    I am so———– happy for you. I am re———-ally happy for you and your husband!!! He might be tempted to do something we do not want him to do, but as long as you show your love and support, he can surely quickly get back on the right truck. So, after all, people change. Your husband (and Thorin, of course) gives so much hope for those who want to change their lives but do not believe that is possible. And maybe it is a good idea for you to let him know because it is true!

    Yes, we have to take care of ourselves, because though we believe that our husbands are on the right directions, if we put 100% of our lives/happiness in it, it feels like we are gambling, and I realized that is not healthy.

    I also understand and admire you for putting your daughter first and waited to start a new relationship until you feel that she would not be hurt. When I almost got divorced from my husband, I also thought the kinda same thing, like, ‘If I get divorced now, will I look for another man? But would not it hurt my daughter? If I should wait another 10 years, I may as well give him a chance.’ So again, I admire that you waited for years!! There are so many mothers out there who put their happiness first before those whom they should protect first.

    So, how can God abandon you?

    Do not worry. Whatever happens, you will be happy and laughing with people you love. With whom, I don’t know (though it is most likely your wonderful husband), but I can assure that you will be happy and fulfilled from now on.

    And, our (mothers’) happiness is VERY important for our kids while they have their own family, at least. So, let’s not forget to make ourselves happy:)

    Thanks for sharing your success story! Let’s keep in touch.

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  22. DD says:

    Godsgirl,

    I made a mistake in the last parag: our (mothers’) happiness is VERY important for our kids while they have their own family, > our (mothers’) happiness is VERY important for our kids UNTIL they have their own family,

    hahaha

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  23. DD says:

    That’s wonderful, Godsgirl!!

    Indeed that God hears us and shows and responds to our prayers in many ways. Sometimes it is so clear and obvious, and even quick, and sometimes it is so subtle that we look over or takes long time.

    You rang me a bell by mentioning something like God makes it happen. Sometimes I start to wonder if all these good changes are just coincident and it is not God that does all these. But just looking back, I started praying everyday 3 months ago, and for the past 2 months, he stopped crossing (though he have not declared yet that he stops or wants to stop. He just stops recently) and our relationship has grown stronger during the time. I just do not believe that all these would have happened if I had lived the way I was, without praying. Put our trust in him totally that he does guide us for the better; we let go of an urge of control and rest in peace.

    We pray and if you receive a message of continuing with the marriage, that’s good.
    If the message indicates to go separate ways, that’s good, too.

    I recently read a book about ‘Silver Birth’ and it reads: If you know on a door and it opens swiftly, you should go on the road, but if it stays closed, you go a different way. That’s how God shows us to a right direction.’

    So, that’s what we all should do not just for our marriage but for every aspect of our lives.

    And that’s why I am sure that everyone here wins and will be happy in the end.

    The book also reads: ‘The lower you reached, the higher you can fly. That’s how God compensates pains.’

    So, we all had the hell-like experience, and that’s why we all will be happier than other people.

    Wishing you all peace and happiness!!! We all will attain them!

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  24. CD wife says:

    Thorin on the 18 March at 5 15 am Godsgirl confirmed again her husband looks at teen porn (she admitted before it was underage girls) I want to know what you will be doing about this information on your site before i report it to CEOP in the UK for advice.

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  25. Temptedsinner says:

    Dear CD Wife
    I have learned a lot from you over the last couple of years. Your pain, your wisdom and insight to many of the posts on this site. You have been the unofficial leader of the Wives thread and an advocate for you wives not going underground, so that the sins of us CD’s may be exposed in an effort to help other ladies or us men recover from this affliction that has brought us here.

    Obviously you have additional insight into this topic of underage porn. I do believe this ties into human trafficking, child abductions and child abuse. I also believe that at least part of my own sexual addiction is entwined with being sexually abused at a young age. We are all a product of our life experiences.

    I feel compelled to ask you, What is to be gained by stoning a repentant sinner?
    Godsgirl came here totally distraught in tears over her discovery about her husbands crossdressing. If I remember right he was previously a live in sissy maid or servant to a woman in the sex industry. At minimum a prostitute or maybe even a porn actress. I won’t list any of the assorted debaucheries that are designed to capture any or all of us in fantasy role play and to set the hook for these addictions. I also think that GG had said that he was drawn to her because of her closeness to God and that he wanted and needed this in his life? (GG, please correct me if I am wrong)
    I do remember seeing disclaimers on porn video sites calming that all actors and actresses are over the age of 18. Even for “granny porn” Are they or could they be lying? Sure! But I think that the true child porn is deeply underground and not the type that was found by GG.

    My advice to Godsgirl is much the same as yours. Be super vigilant in protecting her children and all kids that they may know. Be super vigilant in monitoring his online activity, especially anything to do with “underage”.

    What we are witnessing is in fact a miracle ! Something similar to what I experienced maybe 4 or 5 years ago. A true repentance of my sins and the way that they hurt God, through Christ. A life changing experience to say the least. I think that you, the other ladies here and this blog site of Thorin’s is at least partially responsible for the conversion going on in this man.

    Do we want to make people both men and women hesitant to be honest on here? For me I find this to be one of 2 places where I feel comfortable to be open and honest. Most of the ladies that post on this thread are open and brutally honest when they come here broken hearted. Where else can we go?

    I do understand your anger. I share it, not only from my own perspective but from and for others who have been similarly abused as children.

    Please reconsider. Please try to find the Mercy of Christ for this man. Please remain here and continue to help us all. You are a valuable part of this small community who speaks out against the trends of society, who wants to embrace and encourage the behaviors we are trying to fight against.

    Peace
    Tempted

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  26. CD wife says:

    First of all Tempted sinner i am not the the unofficial leader of the Wives thread no one is. I am concerned about the children that are being exploited while making these vile films and experience tells me it will take more than prayers and therapy with someone who has not even reported this situation to turn around this man if indeed he can ever be put into long term recovery. Therapists have a duty of care .This addiction is progressive like all addictions and it becomes dangerous when it reaches the stage of viewing child porn and in my country it’s illegal punishable sometimes by a prison sentence and so it should be to serve as a warning.
    This site should not entertain any talk of the subject . If a man finds he is looking at such things he should turn himself in for the authorities to decide what action to take if he is truly repentant. Sorry if this sounds harsh but my heart is with the children and that’s why i am so very concerned about this man.

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  27. DD says:

    If his addiction was getting worse, I would share your concern, but since he wants to change his life and he demonstrates it, let’s just observe how things go.

    If he succeeds it, we all, CDers and their wives and others, can have hope that we can change our lives or situations. After all, that’s all we want, correct?

    This space should stay as a place everybody can be honest and share their concerns without any fear.

    Also, creating those dirty sites can be an illegal act, but just watching it cannot be one in modern society, I believe.

    Anyway, really, let’s just pray that this miracle succeeds so that we all can have hope!!

    Like

  28. thorin25 says:

    Sigh. I wish my advice was heeded about moving on! I’m very frustrated. Now I had to delete all of Godsgirls comments on this blog as she requested me to do. And now she has left us. CDwife, if your heart was in the right place, and you wanted to help, you’ve now succeeded in driving away this couple on the verge of miraculous change, who would surely have continued to appreciate our encouragement, advice, and prayers. But now they are gone. I’m not sure what you hoped to gain.

    To your question, I am not going to do anything about reporting this. First of all, we don’t know who these people are, so there is nothing that we could do, even if we wanted to. Secondly, I would not report someone who might have stumbled across some offensively labeled pornography, which I don’t even believe was actual child pornography (see Tempted’s post). And this man is repentant! If you want to help the children suffering in this world, you are not going to get very far by punishing those who repent! Go support International Justice Mission with your money, they regularly take down child prostitution rings. But instead you seem to be on a crusade to destroy the life of a repentant sinner, someone who is now on our side trying to bring down pornography! It just makes no sense to me.

    I understand your care for children who suffer in pornography, it is one of the WORST evils in the world. But it is also an evil to try to destroy the lives of those who are repenting and experiencing change and transformation. I’m going to give you another chance, as I know this situation was controversial and you were concerned about children. But if in the future you continue to drive away people from this blog who are experiencing repentance and transformation, I’m going to have to ask you to stop commenting. This has been a deeply disappointing dialogue.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Temptedsinner says:

    PLEASE, EVERYONE !
    Let us stop and silence ourselves, Try to silence our active minds.
    Breathe !
    Be open to the gentle whisper of of the one who loves us more than we know how to love.
    Let Jesus take in all of our combined struggles.
    This is why He died for us !
    Let’s just rest in his wounded hands for just a minute and find a bit of Peace.

    Love and Blessing to all

    Liked by 1 person

  30. thorin25 says:

    Thank you Tempted. I am again going to forgive, and attempt to move past this conversation and have us all move on to other things. Let us remain united together in helping others to repent and heal, both wives and husbands

    Let me try to change the subject, let’s talk about something else. How have you seen God’s grace at work in your life or your family’s life this week?

    Like

  31. CD wife says:

    I have one word for your response to me Thorin shameful.

    Like

  32. thorin25 says:

    Ok in answering my question, I can start – In one of the young men I’ve been praying for and counseling (in my real life ministry), he was suicidal at the end of last year. But God has been working his life and giving him new hope. There has been a miraculous change. He is not the same person. Now he is smiling and joyful each day and trusting God to help him through his challenges. Thinking about him this week has reminded me of my own powerlessness to change people, that it is up to God, and yet, God can change people in powerful ways through my prayers. It was very encouraging.

    The rest of you? How have you seen God’s grace at work?

    Like

  33. John says:

    I saw God’s grace at work through cdwife’s concerns.Respect to you cdwife.

    Like

  34. CD wife says:

    Thank you John.

    Like

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